Something in the Night
by Drive all night
Summary: Slightly AU - Polly Ruzek, the daughter of Adam Ruzek and Kim Burgess hasn't had everything go her way throughout life, perhaps things are looking up though... finally. Follows on from Darkness on the Edge of Town.
1. No Surprise

**_A/N: Hello Again…okay. This story has been something that I have been kicking around for awhile. Sadly this season has not given me an inspiration so far for Burzek stories yet so this is not really a PD story as such although it is set in the realm of Burzek, it's a little AU. Basically it is a follow on from Darkness on the Edge of Town, a previous story I wrote about Burzek's teenager children. You may also want to read The Ties That Bind, which is really going right back to the beginning. This checks back in a few years down the track. I was encouraged to post it, so we will see how it goes, but it is not really about Adam and Kim as such, although they obviously play a role, so if that's not your cup of tea I won't be offended._**

 ** _In the interest of understanding where this is set, I guess it's in the future except my imagination is not that far ahead of myself so it is more or less in this time frame currently, but with older adult children – if you catch my drift. Anyway, let me know what you think. Good, bad or ugly._**

Adam smiled as he felt the arms snake around his waist. "Good Morning." He squeezed the hands clasped against his chest. "Tea for you?"

"Yes please." She let go and sat down at the table and waited, twisting her hair up into a loose bun as she did so.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" Adam turned around and leant back against the counter as he waited for the kettle to boil. It was way too early to be up considering the time he actually got into bed and he'd already made himself a strong black coffee, the stronger the better to try and get his brain into some sort of functioning order.

"I stayed here last night."

"I know, your Mom told me."

"Of course she did." He didn't miss the eye roll, nor did he miss the slightly distracted tracing of the wood grain on the table with her finger.

"Well she was worried that I'd be wandering around the house naked and I am sure you don't want to see that."

"Do you want me to spend my life in therapy?" She laughed as she covered her eyes. "Why would you do that anyway?"

"Because it's my house and I can do what I want and your Mom loves me naked."

"Just stop please."

Adam had crawled into bed around 4am, absolutely shattered after being at work since 7am that morning. He crashed and only woke when Kim's alarm went off and she snuggled into him for a few minutes. Eventually he pushed her out of bed the second time her snooze alarm went off and Kim reluctantly hauled herself into the shower.

Coming back into their bedroom she sat on the edge of the bed as she buttoned up her shirt. "Polly's here."

"Again?" Adam opened one eye.

"Yep."

He sighed as he closed his eye again. "That's becoming a habit. Why this time?"

"Apparently they had a fight."

"Gee, there is a surprise. Fuck I wish she'd wake up and give him the flick. What'd he do this time?"

"They were supposed to go to Chloe's birthday lunch and he bailed at the last moment because one of his mates called and wanted to come over and watch the Cubs game." It seemed yet another lame excuse, the list wasn't a short one either.

He didn't even have the energy to be surprised, not any more. Nothing about this was a surprise and he hated that. "Sounds about right."

"She had some work to do when she got home and he was drunk so she came over." Kim tried to make it sound less of an issue than it was clearly becoming but it was pointless. "Try and be nice."

"Fuck that. Did you talk to her?"

"Ah….she's your daughter, how well do you think that went?"

"So, it's up to me right?"

Kim leant down and kissed her half asleep husband. "Do your best Baby, but don't make her cry. Hey, I missed you last night."

"You want a quickie before you go?" The speed at which he managed to snake one hand out and grabbed her leg was of little surprise. Age and almost thirty years of marriage had not lessened Adam's appetite for his wife.

"No."

"You break my heart every day." Adam rolled over and tried to get another few hours sleep before he had to go back into work but he heard Polly up and moving around and in the shower so he headed downstairs to make a coffee. You'd think that having adult children meant that you didn't have to drag your sorry ass out of bed early in the morning to deal with their shit anymore. They'd always wanted their kids to come and go as they pleased and talk to them and apart from the odd period when they were teenagers they were pretty proud with the relationships they'd forged with their two kids. He talked to Gus almost everyday and Polly was always around and still used him as a sounding board regularly.

Polly's current relationship however had given Adam more headaches than the previous three combined, even more than the last one, which left her utterly heartbroken. So rather than get her heart broken again she chose to just exist in this one and he wasn't sure what was worse.

"You still haven't answered my question?" Adam poured the water into her cup and jiggled the teabag. "I'm surprised you are here again?"

"Don't start Dad."

"What? Polly what?" He was frustrated and while Kim would be tiptoeing around her Adam refused to mollycoddle her. "You seem to be staying here more than your own house. Why don't you just move back in?"

"Dad, it's fine. He had some friends over yesterday and I needed to get some work done. It was quieter here."

"Before or after he blew off the lunch with Chloe?" He plonked the cup down in front of her and turned back to his coffee machine to make another cup and she knew that he was pissed.

The thing was that Polly wasn't even surprised. When she told Chloe that she was flying solo again her friend just laughed, hugged Polly and told her that she hadn't counted him in the numbers anyway because he was always a no show. And it was true, she was sick of making excuses for him and it had been a while since people believed her anyway.

"Mom's been talking to you."

"Mom always talks to me." Had they not learnt that there were no secrets between their parents? No matter the topic Kim and Adam always talked about their kids, because despite them being adults, in adult relationships they were still their kids. Adam hadn't always enjoyed the conversations, particularly when it involved the female side of the bargain but that didn't stop them. He was mortified when Kim talked to him about Polly getting her first period and years later the thought of it still made him shiver.

"He just wasn't really interested in the lunch, I had more fun without him anyway."

"You always have more fun without him, doesn't that tell you something Sweet Pea?"

"Sure." The shrug pissed him off. "That you can do different things and still be in a relationship. You don't always do things with Mom."

"No, but I don't actively avoid doing things with her either and both of us will go to things we don't want too because its what you do."

Polly sighed; it was a never-ending battle. Her parents didn't like him and they made it perfectly clear that they wanted Polly to end it. The easy thing about it though was he was too busy doing his own thing with either his mates or working that she barely saw him and on the odd occasion they did go out together they usually had a pretty good time. "Really? I don't see you rushing to do Yoga?"

"I've done Yoga. Your Mom banned me from going again. The downward dog seems to affect my ability to keep my abundant gas inside."

"You are fucking feral." Polly poured herself some cereal that Adam had pulled out of the cupboard. "Anyway, I've got this dinner in a few weeks, I need to focus on that."

Adam sat down at the table and grabbed the cereal box to pour himself a bowl. He actually hated this cardboard tasting shit that Polly insisted they keep in the cupboard for her but he couldn't be assed getting up from the table again. "So you can't be bothered breaking up with the idiot because you are too busy?"

"I am not breaking up with him because I don't want too." Polly snapped. "And don't call him an idiot."

"Why not?"

"He's not an idiot."

 _'No, he's an asshole.'_ he muttered under his breath. As far as Adam was concerned both his kids deserved someone who loved them as much as he loved their mother. "Promise me Baby Girl, once this dinner is done you will seriously look at what's going on. I want you to feel special. You should be treated like a queen, why aren't you?"

"Guess I am not as lucky as Mom."

"You should be."

Polly left her bowl on the sink and disappeared upstairs to finish getting ready for work. Adam was annoyed. He hated this for Polly and he hated being disappointed in her for putting up with it. This was not how they raised her, they raised her and Gus to believe that you deserved to be happy, that if you treated people right you'd get that in return and if you didn't you need to say so.

He knew how much her previous boyfriend hurt her and broke her heart. They'd picked up the pieces and they hated how much it knocked her on her ass and made her settle now for someone safe, despite the lack of obvious love in the relationship, they had no doubt there was some love there but they weren't in love with each other.

It didn't start out that way; Polly was reluctant to get involved with anyone and just decided to spend some time hanging out with her girlfriends. She had only been single for a couple of months but she always had guys chasing her and he had chased her pretty hard and Polly eventually relented and agreed to go out with him. Did he sweep her off her feet? Not even close but he was persistent and not overly romantic and Polly seemed to like that.

Kim and Adam were disillusioned that Polly was not even 30 and already jaded in love and willing to settle for less than she deserved.

Adam said nothing else once Polly came back down dressed for work, she kissed her Dad goodbye and after a couple of hours sleep Adam was called back into work so he spoke to Kim on the way. "Did you talk to Polly?"

"Yep." He muttered as he shoved half a banana in his mouth. He was hoping to still be asleep but they got a tip off from one of his team's CI's about a bust which meant that they needed to move quick. "She's so stubborn."

"Wonder where she gets that from?"

"You?" Kim didn't laugh so Adam continued. "You keep saying she's a Ruzek, but jeez that was all Burgess this morning. Apparently she's too busy with the dinner."

"She is worried about that. You know how personally she takes it and how emotionally crippled she is when she breaks up with someone."

"Emotionally crippled?" Adam snorted. "She's a freakin' nightmare."

"Well I guess that means we need to be prepared for Polly dropping in more often."

"Best I keep my clothes on then."

"I really wish you would."

"No you don't."

Polly's mood was no better by the time she got home and found all the empty beer bottles piled up on the kitchen bench and empty pizza boxes still on the coffee table so she quickly cleaned up and made sure she was in bed an at least gave the impression that she was asleep when he came in.

Something needed to change, just not right now. Right now she had bigger fish to fry.


	2. Spinning Around

Polly tried to just enjoy everyday. She was at least doing something she loved, both her job and the role she played in organising the Fundraiser. It kept her busy and she was happy to focus on that and forget everything else. Then everything turned on its head and now she barely knew which way was up.

Now?

Now, she had no idea what to do.

This was the third year that Polly had been involved in the BraveHearts Charity Ball. It had been a massive learning curve for her and she had flourished and was enjoying the challenges that each year bought, they just kept getting bigger and bigger and suddenly they had people clamouring for tickets because it was declared an event to be seen at. It was hard to believe that little idea and dream she had would become such an event. It had grown to a Ball for 300 people from its humble beginnings of 100 tickets, which they struggled to sell. Getting the Lincoln Park Zoo on board had been Polly's idea and now it was a 'success' Polly was determined that those who had supported this event and the Foundation from the start continued to be front and centre. Johnny come lately had to earn their stripes.

They had two weeks to go and Polly was splitting her time between her actual job and this one to make sure it was a success.

"So apparently there has been a little bit of a change." Maya started carefully, knowing that this would totally spin Polly out. She loved this girl but good lord did she freak out at the drop of a hat. "The zoo has got a new Head Keeper for the African Animal Bit." She didn't really pay much attention to the finer details; that was Polly's area. Social media and promotion was her thing. "He'll be giving the Keynote address instead of that Pete dude. I think we are meeting him today."

"Okay." They were running late for the meeting and Polly held Maya totally responsible, she hated being late but Maya apparently got caught in traffic, which Polly dismissed completely as bullshit. Maya was just shit at keeping to time. "Why?" She didn't like last minute changes; they made her nervous. Why would they change? What was wrong with the original speaker? Was this new speaker actually any good? A bad speaker looked bad for her, this was her event. _Why? Why? Why?_ "This shits me, why change now and I hate being late." she sighed, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice as they crawled through the lunchtime traffic. She was annoyed with herself for going against her better judgement and calling an Uber when Maya first sent her a message telling her she was going to be late.

Despite the ridiculous monotony of Maya's appalling time management mishaps she always let people know she was running late. _'It would be rude not too.'_ She told Polly who suggested that perhaps not actually being late would also be considered to be not rude.

Maya just laughed as they hoofed it through the parking lot. "We are not late, we are just not early. You know this new guy, he might be better." Maya knew Polly was annoyed with her, her snippy replies on the drive over told her that. "Relax Polly, it will be fine." Maya was the complete opposite to Polly and she didn't see this as a big issue. They bounced off each other. Maya bought her down to earth when she was spiralling and Polly could get Maya back on track when she tended to go off in the opposite direction than what was required. If only she could get her to stick to actual time, not Maya time.

Polly already felt like things were getting on top of her. Final numbers, raffle prizes, sponsors demands and she had just had to turned down a very demanding agent of a local celebrity who decided she was going to be in town now and wanted a table. Her ear was still ringing from the tirade of abuse she copped. Every year she swore this was the last time and every year she came back for more. She loved it. "Easy for you to say. I've been abused all morning about not giving tickets to some up herself star who thinks she's more important than she actually is and now these people will think I am a flake for being late."

"We are not late. Polly, seriously take a chill pill."

She needed one as soon as she walked into the outer office of the meeting room. Polly saw him through the glass door and literally gasped. Her whole world shifted on its axis and she stopped on a dime.

"Are you okay Sweetie?" Maya asked when she saw how ashen Polly suddenly was.

"What? Yes." She stuttered as her eyes were glued to the tall dark blast from her past as he turned around she felt all the air leave her lungs. "Ummm that guy, I know him. I didn't know he was back in Chicago."

"And judging by the look on your face you were more than just friends."

"A little yes."

"A little." Maya scoffed, that's why she looked like she was about to pass out. "How long?"

"Three years." He looked exactly the same as she last remembered, just a little older and more filled out but it was definitely him. His polo shirt fitted him perfectly and there was barely an ounce of fat on him. While he was wearing cargo pants he looked fit and Polly was mesmerized.

Spotting the movement in the outer room he looked up and for the briefest moment he looked as stunned as Polly felt. He waved his hand slightly and tried to return his focus to the person in front of him but that was easier said than done.

"Wow. Holy Crap" Maya peered through the door at what had got Polly all hot and bothered. "Can't say I blame you. Has he aged well or was he always that hot?"

"Both." Polly felt Maya's hand in her back as she propelled her into the meeting room and she was surprised her trembling legs even held her up.

He looked confident but his heart was beating out of his chest as he pushed himself off the table he was leaning on and smiled. Oh, how she remembered that smile. "Polly Ruzek, Wow, Hi, hey how are you?" He didn't sound as confident as he appeared either.

They hadn't ended on bad terms, not by any stretch of the imagination. He had moved away to complete his zoology degree and then ended up working in San Diego and had a brief stint in Singapore until he took the job in Kenya. By the time he accepted that they had both moved on. For a while they stayed in contact and she did catch up with him a few times when he came back to Chicago and the first couple of times it was a very intense and passionate reunion but then he was in town one day and he contacted her and sat down and told her that he'd been seeing someone else. It made perfect sense and she was devastated.

Eventually Polly did stop waiting for him and trying to find an exact replacement. She had several short relationships all of which Adam had been none too pleased with and he almost celebrated when they broke up. Ethan was a different kettle of fish, they really liked him and Polly was in head over heels in love and he broke her heart when he cheated on her with a stripper on a buck's weekend he went on. Polly found out when one of his friends inadvertently let it slip at the wedding a few weeks later. Adam wanted to kill him and Gus was first in the queue and he ended up punching him out one night when they happened to be at the same pub together. Polly crawled into a hole and refused to come out and for months they watched her wallow in misery.

They were disappointed but not surprised that she then settled with Austin, she never seemed that invested in the relationship and that suited her fine because it meant she wasn't going to get hurt or so she kept telling herself.

Adam wasn't falling over himself to make him welcome either and unfortunately for Austin he came at a time when Adam was hardly accepting of anyone coming near his daughter who was going to hurt her again.

He was lawyer, much to Adam's annoyance and they often butted heads about law enforcement agencies and Police brutality and gun control. Polly begged him to back off but that was then and this was now and Polly was anything but happy and had gradually come to the realisation that her Dad had been right; this wasn't the guy for her.

Austin just seemed to do enough to keep her around though. And why wouldn't he, she was gorgeous and smart and funny and for him having her on his arm opened a lot of doors. And for Polly he was charming and house trained when she needed a date to an event and even that was becoming a rarity. It was just easy but they were hardly the love of each other's lives. They were just there.

Nervously she stepped forward and shook his hand. "Hi, It's nice to see you again, it's been a while. You look well." It all sounded so inane and she silently chastised herself. She had no idea if he felt the same tingle she did but it certainly lingered for her well after she let go of his hand.

"I am. How are you?"

"I'm good. I didn't know you were back?"

"Technically I am not yet. I only found out last week that I was coming back so I am just here for a couple of weeks and then I head back to Kenya for a month or so to tie things up."

"Oh." She shuffled from foot to foot and he did like that she seemed a little off balance by his appearance. "Congratulations. Anyway I am sorry we are late, Maya…" Polly literally pushed her forward to create a bit of a buffer between them. "This is Maya and she has an extraordinary ability to ignore time."

"I don't think anyone noticed, we just got here ourselves and thank you. I'm pretty excited to be back."

He couldn't keep his eyes off her. Polly Ruzek was beautiful, she had been when he was in love with her and now she was even more beautiful, if that was possible. He knew coming back to Chicago meant being closer to her again, he knew she was still here, his Mom had told him that but in a city of almost 3 million people the likelihood of running into her seemed remote. Yet barely twenty-four hours into his return to his hometown there she was, spinning in his orbit again, spinning him out. He wasn't expecting to feel anything but a warm buzz from the sweet memories of their time together so the intensity of seeing her again kind of smacked him in the face.

"Do you want to grab a drink later?" He gave her that easy cheeky smile that she had always loved as he shook her hand at the end of the meeting. "I'd love to catch up."

Despite her better judgement Polly did not hesitate.


	3. Out Of The Blue

The past week had been a whirlwind and now sat for a moment and contemplated just how crazy it had all been. It was only a moment though because he looked at the clock on his phone and he had some place to be.

While he quickly showered he thought back to where he was just a two weeks ago and he never imagined this, not in his wildest dreams.

After the phone call he had placed his phone back on the table he just sat and stared at it. That was out of the blue but he assumed that's what head hunting was all about. He wouldn't know, he'd never been head hunted before.

He didn't know what to make of it either. The thought of returning to Chicago had never crossed his mind, not so early in his career anyway. It was a dream he had but that was years down the track. Did he want to go back just yet? Was he ready for that?

It was never that he hated Chicago, far from it. It was his hometown after all, his family was there and initially he never wanted to leave. Once he had though he enjoyed seeing different parts of the country and world and he loved being in Kenya right now. This job had been a dream come true, it was tough and it certainly had its highs and lows but he was living and learning and that was a good thing.

Going home though had its advantages, mainly that it would bring him closer to his family and he did miss that. It was starting to play on his mind a little more lately, how much he was missing out on. Heidi, his sister was married with two boys and he'd only met Noah once when he was a baby. Lucas talked to him on the computer but he really didn't have a clue who he was. Heidi would send him videos of the boys and whenever he watched them he felt disconnected to them and it sat uncomfortably with him.

Lauren was in London and he had caught up with her a couple of times but they were on different pages and she was too busy living the socialite life to worry about her younger brother. Even though when he did meet her friends they always seemed interested in him and his exotic job. Lauren had been annoyed that he got on too well with a couple of her friends and then 'sodded off back to the jungle.' As she told him in no uncertain terms, leaving her to deal with the carnage and the trail of heartbreak he left behind.

His older brother, Andrew was considering adoption with his partner apparently but that had stalled recently as their relationship hit a rough patch according to Heidi. He'd been with his boyfriend for eight years now and that revelation had knocked everyone for a loop. Now though to adopt they needed to get married and Jerome, his brother's partner had baulked at the idea. This was all coming from Heidi though because Andrew didn't really talk all that much when they did catch up, more often than not they just emailed each other.

Phil Hollister had recently sold his Vet practice and still helped out occasionally and volunteered a the Zoo and Sam assumed that's were David got his number from and his Mom still worked a couple of days a week. His Dad had some health challenges with high blood pressure so that was certainly on the pro list if he was going to seriously consider this offer and he'd be mad not to give it some consideration.

His Mom was also asking him when he was coming home, even just for a visit but the last time he was back in Chicago it was barely two days before he left again and took off for Africa. At times he felt guilty but it was such a long way to come home and he just never found the time. Something always seemed to come up at the last minute and he knew he's disappointed his mother several times when he cancelled a trip home.

Sam had been surprised to get a message to call David Webster from the Lincoln Park Zoo, although it wasn't unusual to get calls from other zoos. They had some success in recent years with their breeding program and generally the calls were from other facilities when they were trying to breed or thinking about setting up their own programs and seeking advice. Chicago wasn't really into hard-core breeding and certainly not in his area of expertise so he wasn't sure what they could want from him.

"Hi Sam, thanks for returning my call."

"My pleasure. How is my hometown?"

"Enjoying an early summer. How's the Rhino?"

Sam loved talking about his Rhinos; it was the one thing he was proudest of. That sweet baby girl was his first big success and he had managed that breed from start to finish. "Settled now and growing like a weed. We are pretty chuffed."

"As you should be. Anyway Sam let me get straight to the point. We are looking for someone to head up our African Animal Section and start a breeding program and we want to talk to you."

"About what?" Sam did miss what he was implying because it never crossed his mind they would want him.

"About you coming home to Lincoln Park Zoo. I want you to run the program."

Sam was quiet. "Me? What?"

"Sam, you've done great things over there and in San Diego, your name keeps coming across my desk. You have a history here and we like that. We like people who started their careers here to come back."

"Oh. Umm I've never thought about it."

"Never?"

"Well not never, but I mean I've only been doing this six years."

"And few have achieved what you have in six years. You're resume is impressive. You are young, enthusiastic and would be an asset to this zoo." David went through a few of the details about what they were after and what the offer was and promised to follow it up with an email explaining the role in a little more detail. "Look take a few days, think about it, talk it over with your family and maybe we can chat again at the end of the week?"

"Okay."

He thought about it, it was all he thought about.

Sam only talked to two people about it though. His old mentor in San Diego and his best mate here.

Nick Grainger had been Sam's mentor since he graduated. He had the reputation of choosing the best young talent and grooming them so that they moved up in the world and it had been such a buzz for Sam firstly to get allocated to Nick in college and then to be picked by him for his first job. He'd seen a lot in Sam early on, he was passionate, determined and incredibly hard working. Not much distracted him and he put in the long hours and hard yards to get ahead. "Going to Africa was designed to give you experience to run your own program." Nick had even organised this placement for him.

"Yes, but I am not sure I'm ready to start something from scratch?" Sam talked to him at least once a month and had used him several times as a sounding board when he was worried about things.

"Why not?"

"There are guys out there who have been doing this for years."

"True and many of them have never left US shores. They do things the way they've always been done. They don't want to try new things, they breed from the same diminishing gene pool and you've seen the success rates plummet lately in some of these places, yet you go outside traditional breeding stock and look at that Rhino. Look at those two giraffes and the lions. That's why they want you." Sam was heavily involved in breeding from wild stock. It was designed to open up the gene pool again as it had shrunk considerably over the past few years. It was a dangerous and challenging process but they had successfully bred a Rhino, four giraffes and at a nearby wildlife park they were waiting on the birth of three elephants. Those infants would then be sent around the world to diversify the gene pool. They also had two more Rhino's hopefully in the early stages of pregnancy, however they had already been moved on to other facilities to manage.

"I don't want to leave these guys in the lurch."

"Every time you get someone good you know it's temporary particularly when they are young and working their way up as you are. I would never have recommended you if I didn't believe you could do it."

"You recommended me?"

"Of course I did, without hesitation." Nick loved talking with Sam, he was without a doubt one of his greatest successes and of all the names he had at his fingertips when Lincoln Park Zoo called him Sam's name was the only one he gave. "What do you want to do?"

"I think I want to go home."

By the time David called him back at the end of the week Sam had a few questions and threw out a few ambit claims he was willing to negotiate on and by the end of it had accepted the role. He also agreed to fly back to Chicago for two weeks to do a recon and meet with his team before moving back permanently in a couple of months. David tried to insist on six weeks but had to admire Sam's determination to stay on until his replacement had been found and trained. He had his man though and that's all that mattered to him.

Jonah, his best mate encouraged him to take the job. It was a promotion and something he had been working towards. Sometimes things came earlier than expected and you never knew when another offer would come your way. "You can always come back if things don't work out, but don't think you are not ready for this, because man you are."

Not everyone was delighted by his move. His boss was disappointed but knew that he needed to take the role and that it was a big step up for him. Sam had impressed him and he did have some hope that eventually he would move up the ranks here but he didn't have the role available for him right now so wished him all the best and made sure he knew he always had a spot here and that they would be happy to continue the relationship and talk about breeding with him from Chicago.

"Hey Mom." Sam eventually called his family. "How are you?"

"Oh it's so nice to hear your voice." His Mom always sounded genuinely excited to talk to him even though he called her every fortnight.

"Yeah, sorry it's been wild here. Lots going on, babies being born left right and centre." Sam always sent his parents emails with photos of his latest babies. He was like a proud father with some of them, particularly those that had tough pregnancies or failures in the past.

"How is Ada?" That was his pride and joy and she always remembered how excited he was when he called to say they had the baby. It was like he'd given birth himself.

"Going well, back with Mom now and they are bonding well." He actually felt a little nervous telling them; he knew they'd be happy so it was more nervous excitement than anything. "Anyway I thought you'd like to be the first to know I have a new job."

"Oh, I thought you loved it there. Anywhere exciting or exotic? Like Australia, I'd love to go there."

"No, nothing that exotic or warm. Lincoln Park Zoo." Sam let it sink in a little. "You know in Chicago."

"You're coming home?"

"I'm coming home Mom." Sam was not the least bit surprised when his mother burst into tears. "I hope they are happy tears?"

"Phil, Phil…" she screamed. "It's Sam; he's coming home. Come here, talk to him." He talked to his Dad who also seemed pretty chuffed and ii was like the final little bit of doubt was snuffed out. It took a good half hour to get them off the phone again and they had a million questions. His Dad wanted to know about the job and his Mom focussed on the important details, like when she could actually hug her son again.

One person who also didn't take it well was his girlfriend. Perhaps it was because he didn't tell her until he'd made the decision. Surprisingly she was not one of the factors when he decided to take the job and it was then that he knew it was a dead end street. They hadn't been going out all that long, only a couple of months and his attachment to her wasn't overly strong. She was pretty; tall and blond and full of personality but he just didn't get that rush of blood with her that he'd had with other woman he'd gone out with.

His last girlfriend, Sophie had sent his head spinning and he fell hard. When he got offered this job he just expected her to follow him but she was a year off finishing her law degree and had no intention of giving that up. Briefly she did contemplate his offer of a long distance relationship but felt it was never going to work because he still wanted her to move once she was done. Even when he threw it out there that they get married once she was graduated it didn't sway her and Sam took his broken heart with him to the other side of the world.

Vi was a bit of a rebound and as far as he was concerned that's all it was and one day he'd meet someone else who sent his head spinning. He did enjoy spending time with her though even if it felt a bit like a 'friends with benefits' type situation, for him at least.

"So, I've got some news." He started very carefully as they sat down to dinner. "I've been offered a job in Chicago."

"Oh, that's nice. It's nice to be wanted I suppose."

"It is, it was out of the blue." Vi poured herself another glass of wine from the bottle that was sitting on the table between them. "My parents actually cried when I told them."

"I guess they hold out hope that one day you will come home."

"Yeah, they always did." Taking a deep breath he added. "I took the job."

She dropped her cutlery onto the plate with a clatter. "What do you mean?"

"I didn't have long to make a decision and when I weighed up all my options and looked at the offer compared to my job here it just makes sense. It was too good an opportunity to pass up."

"When do you go?"

"I fly out on Sunday just for two weeks and then I will be back for a month or so to wrap things up. I promise Raul that I would stay until they found my replacement."

"Sunday?" Sam knew this wasn't going down well but Vi always knew that one day he wanted to go back home to the US, it was a little earlier than anticipated. She knew that she didn't have him where she wanted him just yet.

"That's so soon."

"It is. My head is kind of spinning to be honest."

"So I am the last to know?"

"Sorry. It's been pretty hectic." It was a lame excuse, he knew it and by the look on Vi's face as she picked up her plate and threw it in the sink she thought so too.

The hits just kept on coming and his head was still spinning as he left the office and headed to his next meeting. They had told him that they wanted him to talk at the upcoming Charity Ball being held at the zoo in part to start promoting his return. It was all part of their plans to beef up the zoo's profile as an International Breeding Centre for endangered species and Sam was to be the centre of that.

"What's the deal with Charity?" He wanted to get a handle on all the details before he met with the organisers.

"Teen Suicide. It's for the BraveHearts Foundation." He'd never heard of it but the teen suicide thing certainly spiked his interest. "It's called Abbey Lives." Sam felt his heart skip a beat. "It's a big thing on the Chicago social calendar and this is the first year we have been involved."

"And who are we meeting today?"

When she walked into that room he had about a minute to restart his heart.


	4. Laying Your Cards on The Table

Sam felt a flutter of nerves as he put his hand on the door to the bar they'd agreed to meet in. He was running a little late, his last meeting ran overtime and he needed to go back to the hotel and shower and change. They hadn't exchanged numbers, instead they just agreed on a time and place so he wasn't sure if she was going to wait or if she would turn up at all.

He could see her at the bar as soon as he walked in. She had a glass of champagne in front of her and was running one finger around the rim and looked deep in thought. Today her hair had been tied up away from her face but tonight it was hanging down her back, slicked back from her face and she was wearing a short tight lacy skirt and a tailored white shirt.

Was she deliberately trying to kill him? Sam just stood and looked for a moment, trying to take her all in. She always had Adam's height and her Mom's looks and shape so the legs were long and lean and disappeared under the skirt and he needed that moment to steady himself. "Did you think I'd bailed?" He appeared beside her and made her jump when he spoke.

"I was giving you until the end of the glass." She smiled and stood up when Sam apologised for being late. Her black strappy stilettos bought her up to his height and he kissed her cheek lightly and when she rested a hand on his forearm for balance he was surprised at the shock that rippled through him. The glass on the bar had barely a sip taken out of it and he felt himself smile a little.

"Well either you've just got here yourself and maybe it's not just Maya who has poor time management skills or you.." He tapped the bar near her glass. "…were planning on making this last a long time?" What he also noticed, that like today she had no rings on her fingers, specifically not on her left hand. He'd checked it out when they were in the meeting and tonight it was one of the first things he looked for.

"I'm not telling."

Sam ordered a drink and they found a quiet table towards the front of the little bar. It was quaint hole in the wall type place and one that Polly had never came to before and not that Sam would know it but it was across town from where she lived. The sort of place that was too far up itself to notice or remember you unless you were someone worth knowing. "So they tell me this fundraising thing you do is great, it's now like a thing."

"Oh, I don't know. It's a bit of fun and people seem to love it." Polly shrugged, but it was a big thing and she was pleased that he asked about it. While he seemed completely comfortable and relaxed her heart was still racing. He had aged, his face a little more filled out and slightly more weathered by the sun but he still looked good, way too good.

Sam felt that she was a little wary talking to him and that he'd unsettled her and he desperately wanted her to relax. The more she relaxed the more it was likely this wasn't going to be over in half an hour and that was one thing he knew he didn't want. "I like the fact it's all about teen suicide prevention. That was what you wanted to do and you are doing it. Your family must be proud, I'm proud of you."

"I didn't want to let what happened to Abbey be for nothing. Her life had to mean something and that's what I am trying to do."

"And from all accounts you are doing it very well. She was lucky to have you as her best friend. I've always thought that."

"I still miss her."

"I bet you do. I love that you get the zoo involved. Being amongst the animals at night, listening to them makes for a magical evening." The more Sam found out about the night the more interested he was and when he found out who was involved he couldn't help but wonder if she'd done it for a reason. They'd spent many a night lying on the bonnet of his car listening to the animals and always seemed to love it. Ever since he bought her there on one of their early dates it was somewhere they always came back too when things were a little off centre. He leant across the table. "We used to love that. Please tell me you are going to line up cars so that people can sit on them and chill out?"

"Never thought of that, but no, no cars."

"Food for thought. I still do that, I love listening to the animals at night."

"You woo all your women there?"

"Nope, only one."

"So tell me about your new job?" Polly quickly changed the subject and Sam got the hint. It was too soon. So he took a mouthful of his beer, leant back to put a little distance between them and started to talk about his new job and the past few years and Polly could tell how much he loved it and he noticed the change in her body language as she started to relax.

"It was a dream of yours I remember?"

"I didn't actively seek the job but it was offered to me and it was completely out of the blue and I wasn't sure if I was ready yet. I loved being in Kenya and I was finding my feet but my parents are getting older so I thought it would be nice to be closer to them. My nephews are growing up and I don't really know them so I thought why not." He shrugged and when it all boiled down to it that was the main driver in his decision making process. His family, he felt disconnected from them and it was starting to play on his mind.

"They must love to have you back."

"Yep. Mom actually cried when I told her. I caught up with them all yesterday; it was a little strange, a bit like this really. What about your parents?"

"Still kicking around and still being cops. Dad is now running Intelligence, so he doesn't get his hands dirty as much as he used too but he's pretty busy though. Intelligence has grown a bit over the years so he has a team of ten now and he spends more time chained to his desk, or so he tells me. Mom is at the Ivory Tower now, just for a year on secondment."

"And Gus?"

"He's a cop. Graduated about a year ago and he's loving it. Lamenting the fact that he has to go the patrol route unlike Dad but he always wanted to be a cop."

"Is your Dad still terrorising your boyfriends?" he had to ask.

"He has his moments." Polly laughed but it sounded forced. "I think he's getting worse not better. He's very protective and Gus is not much better."

Sam ordered another beer but Polly declined, she was still drinking her glass of champagne. She wanted to knock it back to settle her nerves but getting tipsy wasn't in her best interests right now because she was likely to say something she might regret. Much to her mother's dismay, Polly had inherited her father's inability to filter her thoughts especially when she'd been drinking. "What about you?"

"Ah, not much to tell. My life seems to involve lions, giraffe's and zebra's. We've also just had a baby Rhino so that's pretty intense and has kept me busy, I mated her with a wild Rhino, which was a huge risk and breed her so that was awesome and that's what got me the job offer from here I guess. In general though the animals get luckier than me."

"I don't believe you."

"I've moved around a bit the last few years or so, makes it hard to be settled."

"So no little Sam's in the world?" It seemed that Polly didn't need the whole glass of champagne to suffer from the Ruzek curse of inappropriate questions.

"Nope."

Sam noticed how embarrassed she looked but he liked that she seemed to want to know and rather than dragging it and making her more uncomfortable out he changed the subject and asked her about her job and she explained that this was just a side job and her real job was with DCFS.

Polly talked about the Ball and how it came about and how much it had grown and pretty soon she relaxed again and her whole face lit up when she talked about it. "You'll be there I assume?" Sam wanted to make sure this wasn't the only time he saw her, for what reason he didn't know but he just knew he had to see her again.

"Of course. Did they kind of throw you to the wolves?"

"Not really. I offered." He didn't know that Polly was involved when he agreed to do it but he certainly knew before she walked into that office earlier that day. She may have been blindsided by his appearance but the only thing that caught him off guard was how seeing her again made him feel.

"Does that mean I get to sit at your table? I am willing to make a donation."

"You don't need to make a donation and you might be lucky."

"Be lucky or get lucky?" Polly blushed furiously but her heart just about leapt out of her chest. This shouldn't be happening. Sam felt, to some degree he was laying his cards on the table and he was waiting to see if Polly picked them up. She may not have picked them up but by the look on her face he could safely say she took a peek. "I am certainly feeling lucky. A city of nearly three million and on my first day back I am in a bar having drinks with you."

This was dangerous and both of them knew it.

"Hey Mom." Polly dumped her bag and keys on the hall table and called out to her mother as she headed towards the kitchen.

"Hey Sweetie." Kim wiped her hands on the towel as Polly kissed her on the cheek. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Just thought I'd drop in." She tugged on the fridge door and stood staring into the abyss for a few minutes before grabbing one of her Dad's sodas. She didn't drink it often; Austin was a bit of the health nut so they never had it at home. They'd lived together for a year and Polly still loved coming home for dinner. "Is Dad home?"

"No, he's working. I doubt I'd see him this until the weekend." Polly pulled up a chair. That sucked for her Mom so she was glad she decided to stop by in the middle of the week, even if it was becoming a regular thing now that things were crappy at home with Austin. "You staying for dinner?"

Polly nodded. She took a sip of her drink and chewed on her bottom lip as she picked at the label on the bottle. "I had a meeting yesterday, about the dinner."

"Oh, it's going well isn't it? It sold out weeks ago." Kim and Adam were incredibly proud of their daughter. Not only did she work hard with kids who had suffered all forms of abuse, she had always thrown her heart into fundraising and working with local community groups around the area of teen suicide. Abbey's death had challenged her and made her focus on what she wanted to do and she had always been determined to succeed. That trait she inherited from both her parents.

"It did. We had a meeting with the zoo and they changed the Keynote speaker. They wanted to promote their new zookeeper." Polly looked like she was about to have panic attack and she didn't understand why. Surely this wasn't a big deal, a speaker not turning up or bailing at the last moment was a big deal, and two weeks out she couldn't see the issue. "It's Sam."

"As in Sam, ex-boyfriend Sam?" Now she saw the issue. Kim looked a little bemused as she cocked her eye in Polly's direction. That was not what she was expecting at all, they hadn't heard about Sam for years.

"Yes, that Sam. We had a drink last night and caught up."

Kim turned down the stove, popped a lid on the pot and sat down opposite her daughter. This was an unexpected turn of events and something worth putting dinner on hold for. "And?"

"It was nice. I just wasn't expecting to see him again. It was a bit of a shock."

"How is he?"

"Great." Polly clenched and unclenched her hands and Kim noticed it. "He's moving back to Chicago. He's going to be working at the zoo and he wants to be closer to his family."

"And?"

"And what? It was just a catch up. We talked about family and work and that's about it."

"And Austin?"

Polly was a little caught off guard, she wasn't expecting her mother to ask about Austin, she had barely thought about him in the last twenty-four hours, not that that was necessarily a good thing. "No, why would I. He didn't ask and I didn't tell him, just like he didn't say much about his personal life. That was a long time ago. We've both well and truly moved on."

"Sam was a long time ago." Kim agreed. "You are both adults now. Are you going to see him again?"

"He'll be at the dinner obviously." Polly finished the bottle of soda. "It was just strange seeing him after all this time. I haven't thought about Sam in such a long time."

"Does he still look good?"

"Mom."

"What? He was always cute. Like your Dad, I still think he's hot. I actually think he gets hotter with age."

"Can you not?" Polly knew it was pointless trying to get her parents to stop acting like teenagers. It hadn't happened yet, so it was a fruitless exercise. "If you saw your first boyfriend again how would you feel?"

Kim laughed. "I don't know if I'd recognise him to be honest. It was a long time ago but I guess it would be awkward. I do hope he's old and fat and bald so I can look at your Dad and say…you did good."

"You did do good Mom." Polly still loved how much her parents adored each other, even if their PDA's were a little cringe worthy. The alternative was parents who either hated each other and never spoke or just existed in the same house. "So it being awkward is okay?"

"Was it awkward?"

"A little at the start. It was good to see him though. You know we didn't end badly."

"No, you didn't but Polly you've both changed and moved on. You are with Austin."

"You know that's not great."

"Then why are you still there?"

"Because it's easy. It's not horrible but I don't feel like I can see myself with him in ten years time but for now it's okay." She shrugged. This conversation with her parents never went anywhere. Polly knew they didn't like that she just was happy to go with the flow, because they told her constantly and they didn't particularly like Austin either. They didn't like the way he treated Polly as a bit of a trophy and convenience and they just felt like Polly was settling for him because it was easy and she felt safe or until something better came along and the point of that was she wasn't looking for anything else either.

The last thing they wanted was for her to settle for someone, end up pregnant and stay with them out of loyalty or because she just felt safe. Being safe with someone was important but it shouldn't come at the expense of love, you could have both.

"You know I hate that attitude Polly. I hate that you just can't be bothered moving out and breaking up with Austin because it's too hard."

"It's not like that. I like Austin."

"Yes you like him, you are having sex with him but you don't love him, that much is obvious."

The look Polly gave her mother told Kim that yet again, this conversation is over.


	5. The First Time

Sam held his phone in his hand. He'd gotten the number he was after and now he had no idea what to do with it. Seeing her again had been a bigger shock than he expected. He had been excited to see her but he half expected them to just share some happy memories and move on with their lives but now three days later he was still thinking about her. He could remember how it felt when he rested his hand on her back as they left the bar, the warmth of her skin through her shirt and the slight blush of her cheeks as he gave into the need he had to touch her, he'd had it since he saw her three days ago. "It was great to see you again. I'll see you at the dinner." He kissed her cheek lightly, letting it linger for a few seconds so he could inhale her sweet scent and try and hang onto it for a little while.

Now he felt all at sea.

"Polly Ruzek." She didn't recognise the number but she didn't even think twice before answering.

"You sound so formal."

That voice, she recognised it immediately because she'd had it in her head for days. "Sam?"

"Yes, sorry I got your number from the Foundation. Do you mind?"

"No."

"I just wanted to make sure you are okay? You seemed a little freaked out the other day." That was only half true, he just wanted to talk to her again and see her. He couldn't wait for the dinner. He couldn't be in Chicago now, knowing she was so close and not see her.

"I just wasn't expecting to see you again. I really enjoyed catching up with you though." Enjoyed it was an understatement. Polly was still all over the shop about it. It was driving her to distraction.

"Me too." There was a little awkward silence while Polly waited; she was hoping there was more to this call. "This might sound weird. Do you want to meet me at the zoo?"

"Sure". Polly didn't even hesitate. It was crazy. "When?"

"Right now."

He was waiting at the gate for her. "Hi." And Polly's heart fluttered in her chest as she bounced towards him. If he was all at sea, she had no idea what she was doing either. It had been mind blowing seeing him again and it knocked her for six. What shocked her more was how keen she was to see him again and when they had drinks how easy it was to talk to him. They always had that ease about them and ten years hadn't diminshed it.

"Your favourite place, you must be so happy to be back here again." She was a little more casual today but that wasn't a good thing for him because it was warm out and that meant Polly was wearing cut off denim shorts, a loose white shirt and a pair of chucks and her dark glasses hid her eyes but he could tell by the smile on her face that her eyes would be alive as well. Her hair was tied up in a loose bun and Sam had to swallow hard before he could speak.

"It is. I didn't realise how much I missed it until I came back." He led her through the gates and he knew this was a bad idea, throwing himself back into her world was crazy but he couldn't stay away and neither it seemed could Polly. Three days. He'd been here three days and she was with him at the zoo and they were alone. Sam recognised those nervous feelings swirling around inside him, it was the same feeling he had when he picked her up for their first date. This felt like a first date, just without the heavily armed guards and more than a decade after their real first date, here they were again.

"I didn't think I'd see you until the dinner?"

"Me either but I couldn't wait. I'm sorry. This is crazy isn't it?" He stepped towards her and grabbed her hand. "Let's go, I want to show you something." He dragged her off towards the giraffe enclosure. "You remember this?"

"I do."

Polly had to let go, she let go of his hand and he didn't reach for it again. She made it clear that she was happy to be here with him as long as they kept some distance. It wasn't always possible and they were drawn together on a few occasions and both of them enjoyed those moments then moved away and said nothing.

Sam showed her his new workplace and his office and she met a few of his team. He introduced her as the organiser of the upcoming charity dinner and left it at that. Polly loved how excited he seemed about his new job, the passion he'd always shown for animals was something she had always loved about him.

They grabbed a couple of drinks; Sam ordered her a hot chocolate and a coffee for himself. "You remembered?" Polly chuckled when he handed her the drink and they found a spot on the lawn and sat. Sam stretched out, propping himself up on one elbow while Polly sat crossed legged next to him and sipped her drink. While it was warm out, the slight breeze just cooled it off and they had a little bit of shade from one of the big old oak trees. It was a gnarly looking thing and you just knew by looking at it that it had a few stories to tell, perhaps it was about to get another one.

"I guess you are still not a coffee drinker? Or are you?"

"Not really." He thought it was cute when she screwed up her nose. "I will have the occasional cup but not often and I don't particularly enjoy it. Usually I only have one if I have a hangover."

Sam laughed. "I can't imagine you drunk. I'd like to see that."

"No you wouldn't. Let's remember I am a Ruzek and you know what that means? I get very chatty."

"Now I really, really want to see that."

"It's weird isn't it? I mean last time I saw you I wasn't old enough to drink and then the other night I was drinking with you in a bar." Polly leant forward, just a little and whispered. "I liked it."

"It was all a little surreal, a bit like this is to be honest."

"It is, isn't it?" Polly tried to ignore the way Sam was watching her, it wasn't creepy but he was certainly making sure he was taking her all in. "I can't believe you are living your dream. This is what you always wanted. It's amazing Sam, I am so proud of you."

"Thanks." He dragged his eyes away from her bare legs and met her steady gaze. "We did okay didn't we?"

"We did." Polly nodded and leant forward again and rested a hand on his leg, he felt like his whole body was suddenly on fire. "I am so excited for you."

"It is starting to feel real now, you know the next time I am here I will be working; like actually in charge of people."

"I'd like a boss like you." Polly had no idea what she was doing but had no intention of stopping it either. It was like she was just a whole other person for the day; that her actual life didn't exist outside these gates.

"Really?" Sam tried hard to supress a laugh and Polly noticed it and pulled her hand away, it had been there long enough.

"What?"

"I was going to say something completely inappropriate."

"Figures." She hoped her blushing didn't look as bad as it felt. "Sometimes things are better left unsaid."

Polly looked away and picked at the grass and Sam said it anyway. "I was going to say I'd like to have you working under me."

Polly pushed him lightly in the shoulder and he rolled onto his back. "You are right, it was inappropriate." But she wasn't angry; she wasn't even annoyed, her eyes were dancing with life. It actually felt pretty great.

Sam hooked his hands behind his head. "You know I often thought that I made it because of you, well not you entirely but you certainly helped."

"How did I help?"

"That last year in High School, I know I freaked out a few times and it was all very intense and you had a lot going on but you still took the time to help me study or bring me down."

"It was a distraction for me. I could forget all the shit for a while."

"And then, you told me I had to go. You made me take that college offer even though it meant leaving you behind. If you'd told me not to go I would have stayed."

"For me?"

"Yes but it was the right thing to do, to leave."

"I know and now look at you." She waved her arms around in the air, taking in the surroundings. "I am so proud of you Sam, you've no idea. I just wanted you to have everything you wanted."

"It used to be you. I wanted you." He sat up suddenly and bought his face close to hers and Polly's heart just about leapt out of her chest and he saw something in her eyes. He couldn't put his finger on it, was it need or regret? She looked away briefly before returning to meet his unwavering gaze. She had no idea why she was waiting for him to kiss her, almost hoping for it but she just ignored that nagging feeling and stayed in the moment, until he moved away a little.

"No, you wanted this."

"I want it all." He jumped up and held out his hand to help her up. "And it comes with perks. Want to meet the meerkats?"

"Oh god yes." She happily followed him, the small moment was over but they were both left a little rattled by it.


	6. Impossible

Sam was willing to take a step back. Polly was just there but he felt she was out of reach for some reason so while his mind was unable to let go once he left her after the zoo he knew he had to try and stop thinking about her. It was kind of impossible because he walked into work on Monday and the first question that was asked was about the charity dinner and it made it hard to forget about her.

Polly wasn't as keen to take a step back though and that surprised him. When she left the zoo Polly didn't mention catching up again, he even asked her if she wanted to get a bite to eat but she said she had somewhere to be.

He looked twice at the name flashing on his phone and didn't even bother to say hello. "I didn't think I'd hear from you?" His heart was racing just a little.

"Sorry, you could have not answered."

"Why would I do that?"

"So?" Polly breathed out slowly. "You don't mind?"

"Nope. Never did." He was obviously referencing the fact that Polly had called him after their first date. He'd always teased her about that and he liked that she'd done it again.

"Anyway, there is a dinner tomorrow night with the boss of the Foundation, Alex and thought you might like to come. Unless you are busy, or don't want to come. I just thought it would be nice for you to meet a few of the others who help put all this together. Perhaps you have something on, if so it doesn't matter. I just thought…." Polly rambled on and he waited until she drew breath before he could get a word in.

"I'd love to come."

"Yeah? You don't have too, it might be boring."

"Polly. Where and what time?" Even if he'd had something on he would have cancelled it if it meant seeing her again. The more time he spent with Polly the more dangerous it was becoming but he wasn't even going to try and check himself. He hadn't felt this good in a long time, when he was with her he felt great, it was the way he tortured himself afterwards that was hard to handle.

"I will send you the details."

"Will you be there?"

"What? Yes of course."

"How was your day?" Polly was caught off guard by Sam's sudden change of subject. Now that she was on the phone he didn't want to let her go just yet. He'd just got back to his hotel room and poured himself a drink and sat in the small lounge and was now more than happy to have a chat. It was a nice hotel but after a few days he did get a bit of cabin fever. Lucky it was close enough that he could walk to work and go for a run along the water and that a least gave him some relief from the four walls. Those four walls that when he was in them he thought about two things, work and a woman.

"Long. I am just on my way home now. I need a glass of wine and hot bath."

"That's not fair."

"You don't have a bath in your hotel."

"Yes I do." He sipped his whiskey slowly. "It's more the thought of you in a bath."

"Oh." She fell silent and Sam just waited. He was worried he'd gone a little too far. "Are you getting a handle on work? Is it different?" That was far safer territory and after a brief pause on Polly's side that's where she went.

"A little. I spent most of the day meeting with my team, trying to get my head around what they do and how they do it. I need to work out what I want to keep or change. I thought if I have all of these meetings done I could review them all when I go back and make some decisions. It's my first time being in charge so I don't want to fuck everything up."

"You won't fuck it up."

"I hope not."

"I have faith in you."

"Good to know." Sam closed his eyes for a bit. He was seriously confused as to what was going on and why he had zero willpower to stop it. "Have you ever wanted something so bad that when you get it you don't know what to do? I feel like that right now." And he wasn't just talking about the job; it was everything. Four weeks ago this didn't even exist, this was not even something from his wildest dreams. He had let Polly go a long time ago; he'd let her walk away from his arms, from his head and eventually from his heart. It had taken a while but he had, he had zero regrets about his first big love, not even the way it ended. It had to end. So why did it take three days to undo all those years?

"You keep doing the things that got you there. That's why they came looking for you Sam, to do what you do. They obviously wanted you. Didn't you say they headhunted you?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Sam, you have the skills and the knowledge and the passion. Please don't doubt yourself."

"I will do my best." Listening to her voice encouraging him again was a little surreal. He didn't realise how much he had missed having someone on his side like this. It wasn't always this way, but lately he'd been on his own even though he'd spend his nights with someone. He always felt alone. "So this dinner. Who do I need to impress?"

"Me." Polly gasped a little; she didn't mean to say that. It was the very definition of a Freudian slip.

"Really?"

"No, no. I didn't mean that. You don't need to impress me."

"Your words say no but your heart says….."

Polly stopped him for going any further. "Anyway, I'm home now. I'll send you the details of dinner and see you tomorrow night."

"And I will think of you in the bath. If that's okay with you?"

"Goodnight Sam." Polly was glad he couldn't see her blushing.

He threw his phone back on the table and poured himself another drink. At least he knew what his weakness was, Polly Ruzek was his weakness and if he was honest with himself, right now he didn't really give a shit and here he was five fucking days later under the spell of a woman who hadn't been in his life for ten years. She had him chasing his tail and he did wonder if she knew that. That comment about impressing her, what was that about?

"So?" Maya pulled up the stool next to her friend. "Wow. You look hot." She finally took a good look at Polly. She had asked her to meet her a little early and she was already perched at the bar waiting impatiently when Maya arrived. "What's the gig?"

"Sam's coming to dinner."

"Oh, well that explains the hot dress you are wearing." And it was hot, it was a short black loose fitting dress, not overly flashy but she had strappy heels on, a sparkly silver jacket, rolled up to her elbows and her hair twisted away from her face and secured at the base of her neck. Her necklace hung down between her cleavage and Maya thought she looked pretty damn special, but then she always did.

"It's not a hot dress, I've worn this before."

"And it was hot then too." Polly ordered them a bottle of champagne and ignored Maya. "So you invited Sam?" she eyed her friend curiously.

"Well it is about the Charity Dinner and he is speaking. He's in town and sitting in a hotel room. I thought he'd be lonely."

"Oh how sweet of you. Don't his family live here? I am sure they'd love to see him."

"So?"

"Oh okay." The look that Polly shot her told Maya that this conversation was done. She was going to ask about Austin, it was obvious he wasn't going to be here but then again he never was if there was nothing in it for him. Perhaps there was though? Surely if he was interested in keeping Polly then actually turning up at things like this would show him that he couldn't sit back and just expect her to put up with his shit when, if Maya was reading this right, Sam was circling, whether Polly wanted to admit it or not.

Polly still couldn't get over the fact that she had told him he had to impress her and impress he did, he was in a suit, sans tie and seriously if Polly didn't jump him, Maya just might. "Holy fucking batshit." Maya spat out as he approached them.

"Nice to see you again Maya." He laughed as he shook Maya's hand before doing the same to Polly and she was a little stunned as his hand lingered in hers for a moment and he dragged his fingers over her palm as he let go. "I see you ladies are right for a drink. I could do with one though. It's a bit hot in here." What utter bullshit, it wasn't hot in here at all and Maya noticed that he was staring at Polly as he said it. Yep, this shark was circling and judging by the look on her friends face she knew exactly what was in the water.

Polly was thrown off balance and she was glad that Maya picked up the slack while she composed herself. It had been a long time since he'd done that, he would always tickle her palm when they were out, or at the least appropriate time to let her know he wanted to have sex or that she was turning him on, it was his thing and fuck him for doing it to her now. It rattled her and Sam knew it.

Polly was happy to sit back and let him entertain everyone at dinner. They all wanted to hear about his work, his plans and his travels. Sam had never been shy and when he talked about what he did for a living it was hard to stop and he had everyone eating out of the palm of his hand. He looked so happy and you could just tell when someone really loved what they did compared to those who were just going through the motions. Sam obviously loved what he did.

"So, coming back to Chicago it's a big move." Alex asked. He was the director of the BraveHearts Foundation that Polly was involved with and also just a happy go with the flow type of guy. Polly had impressed him a long time ago, he loved having her on board and was trying to get her to come on board fulltime but she enjoyed her job too much and wanted to get more experience on that side of the fence, but that didn't stop him asking her constantly.

"Huge. I am not sure I am ready for a winter. It's been a while since I've really experienced a good hard Chicago winter."

"I think that would be enough to make me stay in Africa."

"Chicago has more than its fair share of charms." He reached for the champagne bottle and topped up Polly's glass, followed by Maya and Isla's, Alex's wife. "I've missed a lot about Chicago and didn't realise how much until I came back." He could sense that Polly knew what he meant and she blushed a little as she reached for her glass.

It was a great dinner, they had a lot of laughs and Sam did the right thing and left before Polly did. He wanted to hang around and perhaps get to talk to her alone for a bit but that would be too obvious and after a few drinks he probably would have pushed his luck. He sent her a message instead and was surprised when Polly called him straight back.

"Thank you for coming. They loved you."

"It was fun. Hey Polly, can we have dinner one night?"

Again she didn't hesitate and she didn't understand why. "I'd like that." She didn't understand why Sam had her running in circles. Sam had her doing things she knew she shouldn't be doing but he wasn't even trying, there was no pressure and she hadn't asked him to stop but when he asked she came running.

Polly had suggested this place and he didn't really think of the reasons why, it was on the other side of town the to meal they'd previously had but then again he had no idea where she actually lived so it could have been closer for her. She refused his offer to pick her up and he had a feeling he knew why but he'd decided long ago to ignore that. If Polly wanted him to back off she needed to tell him and to date she'd jumped every time he'd asked something of her.

"You always look immaculate." Sam rocked on his heels and shoved his hands in his pockets, he needed to otherwise he was going to touch her.

Her floral dress was flowing around her ankles but it also had thin straps and was low cut and its wrap around nature swayed as she walked towards him and the split finished about mid thigh.

They had a quiet table up the back of the restaurant overlooking the street below but the place was full. It was two old friends catching up, that's all this was, this was all it could be or at least that's how Polly rationalised it in her own head. Despite the location and the proximity of her Sam kept his distance, apart from the briefest of pecks on her cheek. Sam pulled out a chair for Polly and resisted the temptation to run his hand over her shoulders.

"Apparently my closest is ridiculous according to my Dad."

"If this is ridiculous then I don't mind." He wasn't going to touch her but by god he was going to let her know he wanted too.

"Lucky my house has a huge walk in closet, hopefully one day I will live in it."

"Your house?"

"When Pops died he left both Gus and I some money so Mom and Dad made us buy some property. I rent it out." Adam's Dad had died a long time ago but once Polly turned 21 they gave her the inheritance that Bob had left her. Gus also got his when he turned 21 and both of them invested it wisely.

"Wow so you are a property mogul?"

"No. Hardly." Polly snorted. "It's just a small house, it needs some love but one day I will live in it."

"A family home?"

"Something like that." Polly answered vaguely and reached for her glass of wine. That was precisely what it was. The reason she didn't live in it now was because she wanted to keep it completely separate from her relationship with Austin. It was in a trust and he had no access to any of the equity in it. Adam had made sure of that, Ethan had no claim on it and neither did Austin. It was Polly's property alone.

Sam figured he needed to steer them away from that conversation, in case he learnt something he didn't want to know. "That's probably on my agenda for the weekend, finding someplace to live when I get back."

"To buy or rent?"

"Probably rent for a while. Chicago has changed a fair bit so I really want to get a feel for it before I decide." He leant back in his chair. "Any suggestions?" Polly rattled off a few areas that she liked but she didn't say where she was currently living although he got the feeling that one of those areas she listed would be right in her neighbourhood and he did contemplate asking her if she wanted to come look at a few places with him on the weekend but for once he wasn't impulsive.

Maya encouraged Polly to be more impulsive. "God Polly." She was on the phone first thing in the morning after the dinner. "What are you doing?" Polly regretted telling Maya that she was having dinner with Sam, she had been bad enough after the group dinner they had.

"Right now I am eating breakfast." Polly was used to this, Maya didn't even wait for a good morning. "Like I usually am at seven am."

"Right, right." Breakfast for Maya was a bagel shoved in her face on the way into work. They'd met at college even though they were in completely different fields. Maya was marketing and communications and when Polly started talking about her plans for Abbey's dinner Maya had made her a deal that they would be a team and she hadn't let her down yet. "So, last night?"

"What about it?"

"I swear to god you are doing my head in. What about it? What about the guy?"

"Sam?"

"No, Austin." She was clearly exasperated and that was not unusual either. "Yes Sam."

"Yes, I do think he can pull it off. I don't know why you are so freaked out about a change in keynote speaker. If that's what you are worried about."

"So I guess Austin is there."

"Stop freaking out." Polly wasn't getting dragged into this right now because she knew what Maya was going to say.

"Okay I will stop freaking out if you start. Start freaking out because if you don't someone is going to snap him up and you'll be left with Austin and living that miserable life you have right now. I'm going now." And she hung up abruptly.

"Maya?" Austin asked.

"Isn't it always. She's going nuts about this change of speaker that the zoo has thrown at us."

"Why?"

"Why is she freaking out? It's because that's what she does."

"It's not like it's a big deal though is it. I mean it's just someone talking about animals for half an hour. It's not rocket science, god even I could do that." Austin held up a coffee pod and asked her if she wanted one. He did it everyday and occasionally Polly would just say yes. Some days it was easier, whether he knew she liked it or not she wasn't sure nor did he seem to care.

Today she was pissed. She threw her bowl in the sink as Austin poured his coffee into his To Go mug, kissed her cheek and left. "Of course you could."

She contemplated calling Sam and offering to come house hunting with him on the weekend but surprisingly she found some self-control. For the first time since he'd showed up in her life again she managed to check herself before she wrecked herself.


	7. Under The Stars

Sam almost stumbled when he first saw her. Not only because she looked absolutely stunning but because of the guy standing next to her, his hand on her back and they were laughing at something someone said. He knew this; deep down he knew this. The reason she had been so guarded about her personal life with him was because she was in a relationship. Seeing it though was like a kick in the balls.

It hadn't stopped them though, either of them. They'd had dinner a couple of times, caught up for a coffee and chatted on the phone yet neither of them asked or offered up this kind of information.

"Polly. Hi." He shook her hand, dragging his fingers lightly over her palm as the let go. It affected her; he could feel that it unsettled her and Sam wanted her to know that he was here, right here. It wasn't the first time he'd done it took all her power not to crumble.

"Hi Sam. Welcome. What do you think?" She held her hands up; taking in the setting they found themselves. The evening was perfectly warm, the breeze was light but carried the warmth of the day still and the sky was clear. The sound of the zoo, together with the clear star filled sky provided the perfect backdrop. It was magical. "This place scrubs up alright does it not?"

"It's great, it's perfect. Congratulations you've done a great job. I've always loved coming to the zoo at night, hearing what goes on after hours. It's my favourite place to come and contemplate life." Polly never let her smile slip despite the flicker he saw in her eyes, she knew exactly what he meant. "Hi, I'm Sam Hollister." He shoved his hand at the man standing beside her and he knew if he looked at Polly right then she would have looked like she'd swallowed a bug.

"Austin Bennett." Austin shook his hand; Sam's move made him remove his arm from Polly's back and that bought him some satisfaction. Although it was only brief when he immediately returned it to its original position. He was jealous and he didn't even care. "This your first time?"

"At one of these yes, I've done a fair bit of public speaking over the years though."

"And you are giving up Africa for Chicago?" Polly's ears pricked up, she was trying to concentrate on what the people next to her were saying but Austin's question caught her attention. It put her on edge because she had no idea what Sam would say. She could sense he was pissed, this had blindsided him and she'd been unfair to him. He needed to know that it wasn't all that it seemed to be but right now she had no way of telling him.

"My folks are getting on a bit. It was time to spend some more time closer to home. It's a bit of a promotion for me too so I am looking forward to it. Chicago has plans to expand its breeding program, which is what I spent most of my time doing in Kenya so I can't wait to get into that." He kept it completely professional and made no suggestion of anything untoward. Several comments over the past week or so had let her know that seeing her again was a big part of what he was enjoying about being back. Tonight he said nothing.

Polly breathed a sigh of relief when Maya linked her arm through Sam's and dragged him away to introduce him to some of the benefactors. Not that she wanted him to go away but the longer he stayed the harder it was for Polly not to pay him any attention. She had a desperate need to try and explain why she hadn't told him about Austin.

Sam was more than happy to follow Maya, he couldn't be angry with Polly, he hadn't told her anything about his life either but by hell he could be jealous.

"Don't give up on her." Maya told him quietly. "She shouldn't be in that relationship, if that's what you could call it."

"But she is. Why didn't she tell me?" Now that the shock was subsiding he was a little guttered.

"Because she didn't want to Sam and I think you know why." Maya left him to chew on that and he arranged a smile on his face and played the part.

"I heard a rumour." Sam swung around at the voice behind him as he stood leaning on the bar getting a glass of soda. "That's hardly worthy of hanging at a bar for?" Adam nodded at the drink in his hand.

"Hey Adam." Sam happily shook his hand and was surprised when he pulled him in for a quick hug.

"How you doing Sam? It's good to see you."

"I'm good." He held up his drink. "On the light stuff until after I speak. I don't want to be that memorable by falling off the stage drunk. And trust me a drunk rambling talk about wild animals and their mating practices would make toes curl."

"Sounds interesting, I'd like to hear that version, sounds like a hoot. I hear you are coming back?" Adam leant on the bar and ordered another beer. "My wife is a little excited, I swear she's looking to replace me with a younger, less annoying model."

"How is Kim?"

"Around here somewhere, possibly flitting around trying to eavesdrop on conversations of people talking about how great Polly is. I am sure she will hunt you down soon." Adam thanked the bartender for his beer. "You are on her hit list."

"Polly's done a great job, you must be proud of her. She always talked about doing something like this for Abbey."

"Yep, we think she's a keeper."

"Polly tells me you are now running Intelligence?" He really did not want to get into a long conversation about Polly and he certainly didn't want to hear about her life if that involved Austin or whatever the fuck his name was. He was still chewing on that piece of information.

Adam wasn't surprised that Sam had obviously spent some time with Polly but neither of them was likely to admit to anything more than a quick catch up. "Yes, they actually let me have my own team now. It's a little weird and the paperwork is not my strong point but I still have my guns though and I am not afraid to use them."

"Does not surprise me one bit." Sam laughed. "And Gus is a cop now too. He managed to keep his nose clean enough?"

"Well, it was more that we just managed to control the situation. He was a little too much Ruzek unfortunately according to Kim and half the Chicago Police Department and my reputation at the Academy seems to have lingered."

"That I can imagine."

"He's going to be bummed to miss you. He's working tonight."

Sam would have loved to catch up with Gus; they'd always got on well and Polly often complained that they spent too much time together on occasions. He promised that when he got back he'd catch up with Gus for a beer or four.

Over Sam's shoulder Adam could see Kim heading in their direction and she looked excited and he told Sam to brace himself. "Oh my god, Sam. Look at you all grown up. It's so good to see you. You look great." The few glasses of champagne Kim had already consumed made her a little giggly and both Adam and Sam teased her relentlessly.

Austin watched it curiously. Polly told him that she knew Sam from school but he didn't know much more than that and judging by her parent's reactions he figured that Polly knew him pretty well. How well? That was yet to be explained and she would need to explain herself pretty damn soon.

He didn't ask her right now though, this was a big night for Polly and he wasn't a total prick but she would need to fill him in.

What he did do though was watch them both at various times throughout the night. He'd asked Maya and she just fobbed him off, which wasn't a surprise, they hardly got on and barely tolerated each other. If Polly got rid of her he wouldn't be upset, he'd tried to steer her away from Maya early on in their relationship but Polly wasn't budging so he just did whatever he could to spend as little time around her as possible. He also watched Sam and he stayed pretty much well away from Polly, not deliberately but he was busy meeting and mingling with people and Polly had her own stuff to deal with.

When Polly got up to talk though the look on Sam's face gave away a far bit of his feelings but Polly never looked at him. He wasn't alone though, half the men in the place checked her out and he was used to that. It was one of the reasons he was happy to keep her around. Having a beautiful woman on your arm was never a bad thing but he'd never been jealous before so that feeling was unfamiliar and he shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat and tried to concentrate of what she was saying. Didn't make him stay longer than he felt was acceptable though. Not even finding out what was going on was worth this level of boredom.

Sam watched her walk up onto the stage. Her dress was like liquid, the navy blue shimmering dress caught every bit of light and he knew why she was wearing blue. He wondered briefly if other people did, or one person in particular but quickly shook that thought from his head and concentrated on the stage and the talk that he had to give. Polly had always been beautiful, it's what attracted him in the first place when he was a randy teenager but the benefit of ten years had been outstanding, she was still beautiful but maturity had served her well. The body was a little more filled out now but it was exceptional. When she had told him that she did go running regularly and yoga he'd laughed but he was seeing the benefits of it and he could barely breathe.

 _'I was seventeen years old and falling in love for the first time when my best friend died. What I learnt was that Abbey, who I adored started dying the first time she was raped, not once but it continued for more than a year by someone in her own home, she was sixteen years old. I was learning how thrilling young love could be while she was drowning.'_ While Sam's eyes never left her face Polly didn't even glance in his direction.

It was much later when Sam caught up with her again. She was busy, mixing with the guests but every now and then he caught her laugh drifting over the crowd. The boyfriend intrigued him and what Maya had told him played on his mind. He knew as soon as Sam finished talking he got up and left and Polly didn't seem bothered by it.

He was standing watching the crowd, or more to the point he was watching Polly mingle when he felt someone beside him and wasn't surprised to see Maya standing there.

"If you are looking for Austin he's gone. I guess we should be glad he turned up at all and stayed as long as he did."

"Why would I be looking for him? To swap stories?"

"No, but you want to talk to Polly and you've been avoiding her all night."

"I am not avoiding her. She's busy, this is her night, I am not ruining it for her." Sam was clearly agitated.

"You'll ruin it if you don't talk to her." Maya straight up told him what she thought. "You need to work on your poker face, you were imagining her naked with her legs wrapped around you screaming your name when she was on the stage."

"Your imagination is a little seedy."

"Indeed it is. Tell me I am lying?"

Sam laughed, a little painfully and whispered in her ear. "Why would I do that?" Maya liked this guy and while she barely knew him, she liked this guy for her best friend.

The crowd thinned a little, only the partygoers remained and they were dancing up a storm on a dance floor strung with blue and white fairy lights. "I loved your talk." Sam jumped a little when he heard her voice behind him and he turned away from the bar and looked straight into those beautiful big brown eyes. "I loved seeing where you've been and what you've been doing."

"Thanks. I hope it wasn't too long and boring?"

"Nope. Everyone loved it." Polly rested one hand on his forearm. "I loved it."

"You talk about Abbey so beautifully." He certainly didn't move away, she was close enough that he could hear her breathing and smell her perfume. "And you've always looked beautiful in blue."

"You remembered?"

"So Austin? How long?" Now Polly removed her hand. He didn't sound upset or pissed off but Polly certainly felt uncomfortable about the abrupt end to their sweet conversation and subtle flirting.

"Two years."

He dipped his head slightly and whispered in her ear. She could feel the warmth of his breath on her neck and the brief waft of whiskey. "Then what are we doing Polly?"

"I don't know."

"Dance with me?"

"Sam…"

He stepped away and held out his hand. "Dance with me Polly. Just one dance and then I am gone."

Steering Polly through the crowd with his hand on her back it was ridiculous how nervous he felt as he reached for her hand and spun her into his arms. They hadn't done a lot of dancing in the past, nothing beyond some bumping and grinding on overcrowded dance floors at whichever party they happened to be at. He had been this close to her the day at the zoo; that day he'd stood behind her, almost pressing her body into the railing to stop her running as the elephant came up close, he'd talked in her ear quietly and when he laughed the rush of warm air on her neck made her knees weak. She didn't say anything and neither did he at the time but they both felt it.

Sam resisted the urge to hold her too close as they danced but the heat was certainly evident between them and he had promised her it was just one dance then he thanked her, squeezed her hand and that all too familiar finger drag over her palm and walked away leaving her standing in the middle of the dance floor fearing that she had just let him walk out of her life…again.

"So when are you telling Austin?" Maya sidled up to Polly as the night was winding up. Sam had avoided her for the rest of the night and he left a little before the end. Maya didn't need to tell Polly that, she watched him go and hated how disappointed she was that his last words to her were _'thanks for the dance.'_

"Telling Austin what?"

"Polly, I love you but you need to blow off that waste of space and perhaps blow someone else." Maya was tall, very pretty, incredibly smart and good at her job and as rough as guts.

"Such a way with words."

"Polly, he spent the whole night undressing you with his eyes. He had half the crowd throwing themselves at him, including that weird 70 year old bottle blond woman in the lurid green dress." Maya shuddered. "And all he wanted to do was fuck you."

"He does not. He's going home tomorrow."

"And he'll be back in a month. Just enough time for you to move the idiot out." Maya had spent far too much time talking to her Dad.

"You are ridiculous."

"Yes, yes I am." She hooked her arm through her best friend's and led her towards the front of the zoo where they had a car waiting. "But you know I am right."

Maya nudged her lightly when they made it to the gates and she spied Sam, sitting on the bonnet of his car. She hugged Polly, jumped in the car and took off before she had time to protest. Polly stood and refused to move for a few minutes before giving in and walking towards him when he made no effort to approach her. She had taken her shoes off and held them in one hand and lifted the skirt of her dress with the other and it looked incredibly sexy as she made her way across the car park. He slid off the car and shoved his hands into his pockets as she approached him slowly and his eyes never left her face.

"I forgot to say goodnight." Sam spoke first.

"So you sat out here and waited just to tell me that?"

"Yes." When Polly leant on the front of the car he lifted her up and slid her back and trapped her by placing his hands either side of her. "You remember how many times we sat here?"

"I do."

"I bought you here on our second date and it freaked you out."

"Actually it was our third date, and yes I did think that maybe you weren't going to turn out to be the nice guy I thought you were, that maybe you were just trying to pop my cherry."

"You remember that?" Sam burst out laughing. "I can't believe you still remember that. Your Dad with his cherry rant when he found out we were having sex. I couldn't eat cherries for years, even now eating cherries makes me think of you, I think of our first time and how perfect you were, how perfect it felt being inside you." Sam had nothing to lose now.

Polly ignored it but it did make her stomach flutter and she needed to veer this conversation elsewhere, not that there was anywhere to hide right now. "I remember how I felt that night you bought me here and liking how you wanted to show me something that you loved. I like that we are here again."

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have left you alone."

"I didn't want you to leave me alone." She ran a hand through his hair and he pulled her down towards him, his body pressing her back against the car. This was insane. "I don't want you to leave me alone." Polly could barely believe the words that were coming out of her mouth.

"You've got a boyfriend."

"I know. Are you angry with me?"

"No because I knew Polly, deep down I knew but I just didn't care."

"It wasn't fair to you. I'm sorry."

"No it wasn't, but the past two weeks have been fucking spectacular, I am glad I spent them with you. This has to stop though; I'll stop if you tell me too. You tell me that you are happy and I'll stop." He leant closer and closer, her lips just out of reach for now. "Tell me to stop Polly." He was begging her because he didn't have the willpower to resist her any longer.

"Stop Sam." He pulled away and it crushed both of them. She wasn't happy, he could feel it, he could hear it but he had to respect her choice. It was not the answer he wanted, he wanted to kiss her and he wanted so much more. He wanted to feel her body beneath his, he wanted to feel her fingers digging into him as he plunged deeper and deeper into her and he wanted to taste her.

"Tell me you are happy."

"For the past two weeks I've been happy."

Sam dropped his head for just a moment before he stepped away and held out his hand so she could slide off the bonnet. "Come on. I'll take you home."


	8. In an Instant

Polly was surprised that Maya waited until after lunch to land on her doorstep. Especially since Polly had ignored every one of her messages that morning. "So?" She asked as soon as Polly opened the door.

"What?"

"Is Austin here?"

"No, are you coming in or going to stand on the doorstep and gossip?" She stood aside so that Maya could come in. The last thing she needed was a nosy neighbour to start gossiping.

Polly sighed and followed her in as she threw her bag on the table, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and dropped down on the sofa. "So?"

"So what?" Polly frowned at little as Maya made herself at home. Sometimes Polly wondered if Maya remembered she was married, she still acted like a teenager more often than not. Jack though was great. He was a Pilot Instructor and travelled at lot. They were a good match and Polly always knew when Jack was away because Maya made the most of that time by hitting Polly up to go out. Despite all that Maya adored Jack and he treated her like a queen. He was also just as rowdy as she was and Polly loved going out with both of them. "Good night last night. I think it was a success."

"For some yes. For a fundraiser, yes it was a raging success. For you?" Maya eyed her but Polly ignored it. "Do I have to drag it out of you, because I will."

Polly grabbed some water for herself and eased down into the overstuffed leather chair, threw her long legs up on the table and smiled. "We talked for a bit, he dropped me off here and that was it."

"Polly." She sighed dramatically. "He would have pegged you on the bonnet of that car. What were you thinking?"

"How much I didn't want to be pegged on the bonnet of a car outside the zoo at 1am in the morning by my long forgotten childhood sweetheart."

"You need to live a little."

Maya eventually dropped it when Polly got up and walked away. She knew it was the only way to get her friend to shut up and to gather her thoughts because being 'pegged' by Sam wasn't an unpleasant concept at all. It would have been easy to do; telling him to stop was a struggle and she'd regretted it ever since. Technically she shouldn't be thinking about it, but she'd given up trying to not think about Sam. She could still smell him and feel the heat coming off him as he begged her to tell him to stop and she'd tossed and turned for hours trying to ignore it but eventually just gave in and accepted that she liked the way Sam made her feel.

"Oh Lordy." Maya turned her attention to her phone. "When was the last time you were on Intsa?"

"Ah, never."

"You should."

"Why?" she peered over Maya's shoulder. "Photo's of the ball?"

"I guess. Some of the photos are pretty good." Maya was all over this stuff, it was her thing and she had been trawling the tag all day. "And because of this." She showed her a post from 'SHolls'. It was the zoo at night with all the lights from the ball and just on the edge of the photo was Polly, head thrown back and laughing. It was in black and white and a beautiful candid photo. It was captioned 'Home Sweet Home.' #Chicago #MyHometown #ComingHome #AbbeyLives #TeenSuicide #BraveHearts #NeverGiveUp #Dreams #Blue #Crazy

"The lights look great. Nice photo."

"Well call me a romantic but someone took that photo on purpose." Maya tapped the screen "And posted it of course."

"Don't be stupid."

"Look at the rest of his posts. It's all about work and animals."

"This was work for him and why are you stalking him?"

"Polly Ruzek I love you but sometimes you are as dumb as a box of hair." Maya snorted as she typed a response. Polly reached for her arm to stop her and Maya swatted it away.

 _'Love it, beautiful photo. Thanks for being part of it.'_

"Can you stop?"

"No, it's cute. You know I'm a romantic and this is the ultimate love story." Maya giggled. "And FYI I am not stalking him, he tagged the ball, I checked all of them, that's my job remember and I often check out the people who come along in case its someone we should know and we need to know him."

"It's not a love story, it's not anything."

"It might be."

"Ah, you do remember Austin don't you? My boyfriend." Although suddenly she hated the thought of calling him that.

"Ah yes Austin. The fuck buddy. That old chestnut. He's cockblocking Sam big time." Polly really didn't enjoy the mocking. "I will give you he is handy to stop people hitting on you in bars, but boring as batshit 99% of the time. He certainly hightailed it out of there early last night, but that's his MO isn't it." Maya had such a low opinion of him it wasn't funny and barely tolerated him. It wasn't that she thought he was a horrible person he just dimmed Polly's light and she hated that.

"He is not cockblocking anyone." It was frustrating conversation. "So you want me to throw him out so I can sit and wait for my childhood sweetheart to move back to Chicago. He probably will bring a girlfriend or a wife home with him."

"No I want you to throw him out because you don't love him. Not once has he ever made you smile like I've seen you smile these past few weeks. Not once." Maya just kept scrolling. "Are you sure he has a girlfriend?"

"I assume so, I didn't ask."

"Why not? You frustrate me sometimes." She held up her phone. "He's liked my comment already. And judging by his account he doesn't have a girlfriend, not anymore."

"Stop stalking him please."

Polly did have Instagram; she just didn't use it much and had kept it private. As soon as Maya left she did trawl through his account, she'd never thought to look before because he was not even on her radar until two weeks ago. Sam was so far in her past he barely rated a second thought, until suddenly he was in her face and she wanted just kiss the shit out of him and so much more.

Maya was right; it was purely professional. Lots of posts about his work, especially his baby Rhino and he had already shown her those photos and about animal conservation and his travels and this latest post was the only mention of being back in Chicago. She read through all the replies trying to piece together his life but it gave away nothing and Maya was right, he might not have a girlfriend right now but up until recently he had.

There were a few comments about how sorry people were that he was leaving and that he had broken up with Vi and a quick foray onto her page had been an eye opener. She wasn't quite sure when it all happened but a recent post of a broken heart and some curious captions about being promised the world, being unloved and used and that it had been a waste of time made her gasp as did some of the replies.

She went back to his page and liked his photo from last night and noticed that he had replied to Maya's comment. _'It was a beautiful Night, so good to be back in Chi Town. I didn't realise how much I missed it.'_

He'd also sent Polly a follow request, which she accepted and hoped he wouldn't be disappointed with her lack of activity. The last thing she posted was almost a year ago.

When Polly checked Maya's account he had commented on several old photos and they were all kind of vague. _Sweet View, I miss Chi Town, Great Photo_ and they were all on photos that included her.

Polly flicked through her phone and uploaded one photo. It was a picture of her being bear hugged by her Dad. He had picked her up and squeezed her tightly as her mum watched on.

 _'Sometimes you need to be with those who have travelled through hell with you. These arms picked me up more times than I could count, he held me up, he let me fall but was always there to make sure I got back up again and never let go of my hand. He showed me that no matter how shit some people could be that there were always good men in the world waiting to hold you in their arms and show you the stars. Men who believe you can be whatever you want to be, that you can do whatever you want to do and who want you to fly. Men who show you that love just means love, never-ending love. I've been lucky, I've been loved, and I am loved. I am surrounded, from the day I was born, they surrounded me with love and let me fly.' #TheFam #thelove #biggestfans #MomandDad #myheroes #livelaughlove #CantBreathe #Stop #DontStop #cantstayaway #Crazy_

Sam liked it but said nothing but it was enough. It was the 'don't stop' & 'can't stay away' hash tag that got him, that was for him without a doubt. They agreed to stay away from each other and give each other the space but it meant nothing because they couldn't stop and here they were barely a day later still flirting.

Once she had accepted his request he quickly commented or liked most of her posts, not that there were many. There was one photo, which Maya had bugged her about for weeks that she'd posted of her in a bikini standing on a boat as the sun set behind her, it was a little obscure but obviously her. His comment on that was simple 'Fuck.' #crazy

 _Yes_ , Polly thought, _this was fucking crazy._


	9. Kick Some Dirt On It

Polly sat crossed legged on the couch waiting for him to come home, not that she had any idea where he was and when he'd actually come home. She made herself a cup of tea and waited and had to put her phone out of reach because she had spent far too much time thinking about Sam and how he had made her feel, not just last night but over the past two weeks. The last few hours were spent trying to figure out where his life had taken him and whom he'd shared it with. It wasn't healthy but she just couldn't stop herself.

It was confusing and everything was left so up in the air. Even when he dropped her off at home they didn't really discuss what was going on with them, there was no farewell kiss or hug. Sam was going back to Kenya, Polly had someone upstairs waiting for her. They had no idea what was next and no real desire to talk about it. Perhaps because if they did they'd realise that this was insane.

What it had made her accept though as that there was a huge gulf between how Austin made her feel and how Sam made her feel, even though she had no idea if anything was going to come from that. It was also the final push she needed, her parents had constantly nagged her about her relationship and how it wasn't making her happy, but Sam was the final nail in the coffin. He had made Polly believe in love again or at the very least make her want to chase it.

The other thing that had finally made her snap was his attitude last night. For one, he left as soon as he possibly could which was the minute Sam's talk finished, without a word and two, when she did get home he had groped her. Reluctantly she climbed into bed after trying to wash away her desperation for Sam with a long shower and instantly he had rolled over and grabbed her breast, squeezing it roughly. "Take your clothes off." He growled.

"No."

"Fuck Polly, don't be such a bitch. You looked hot tonight and I am horny." He was a lot drunker than she remember him being at the Ball so obviously he'd either gone out afterwards or came home and drank.

"I said no, I am tired, its been a long day and I can tell you grabbing my tit and telling me you are horny doesn't really get me excited." She pushed his hand away and he muttered something that she couldn't quite understand and rolled away. It had made Polly's skin crawl, feeling his hands on her and those were not the hands she wanted. It made her angry, angry with him, at herself and irrationally angry with Sam for leaving her here.

He had tried to get her to wake up early the next morning before he went for his run, which in the past had been a usual thing for them, but that was months ago and she managed to stave him off again by pretending to be asleep. She had heard him come home, shower and leave again without either bothering to try and wake her or tell her where he was going or when he'd be home.

Austin grabbed a bottle of water and flopped down into the couch opposite her. "So? Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"That guy, Sam. How well do you know him?" He was staring at her and Polly felt a little uncomfortable but she didn't want to lie or sugar coat anything, it was time to rip off the band aid, one that had been curling at the edges for months now. Austin had bought it up and for that she was grateful because it meant she didn't have too.

"Pretty well, it was a long time ago."

"Pretty well?"

"We dated, I met him in High School. I haven't seen him or spoken to him for ten years."

"Dated?" He narrowed his eyes. "For how long? Was it like when you were twelve and did that cute holding hands thing and think you'd get pregnant if you kissed him, or something more?"

"Three years. It was a lot more than holding hands."

"So?"

Polly instinctively knew what Austin was asking, he wanted to know if she had cheated on him with Sam. "No, nothing is going on with Sam. We just caught up, talked about family and work. We are just friends now."

"How many times?" Polly just stared at him blankly until he repeated, slowly. "How many times did you _just_ catch up with him?"

"A couple."

"Do you want something to happen?"

Polly swallowed hard and stared straight at Austin. "I don't know."

"Fuck Polly." He was pissed. "How long?"

"I told you nothing is happening. He's not even in the country anymore, he's gone back to Africa."

"No, but he certainly had his tongue hanging out last night. Every man and his dog could see that." This was suddenly a side of Austin she'd never seen before. Jealousy, it was unattractive and confronting.

"I can't control that, Sam can do what he wants it doesn't mean anything. I didn't do anything."

"But you want too."

"I know I don't want this." It was perhaps a little blunt but she really needed to spit it out. She had no idea what the future held for her and Sam, however she wanted the chance to find out She also knew she didn't want this with Austin and hadn't for a long time.

"What?"

"Us, this." She waved her arms around the apartment.

"Really?" He didn't seem upset or surprised or at the very least this was his lawyer poker face at its best. "It's big of you to admit it now. So what? You were happy enough to stay until something better came along."

"No. But Austin you know this is barely what you'd call great. Can you see us together ten years from now?"

"I don't know. Probably." He shrugged. "I try not to think that far ahead."

"I do, I think about that. I think you should be able to see that far ahead or at least want too."

"Whatever Polly. What do you want me to say? Yes, I can see us still being here in ten years. Is that what you want to hear?"

"No, not if you don't mean it."

"But you can see yourself with this Sam guy in ten years?"

"This has nothing to do with Sam, I am not in a relationship with Sam, I am in a relationship with you and if it's not working why can't we admit it."

"Why do you want to do this now?"

"What's the point? You know at some point we need to think about a future and stop just having fun and figure out what I want and who I want that with. I think about things like kids, do you?"

"Bullshit." He spat at her and Polly was a little taken aback. "Bullshit." He repeated when Polly just gaped at him. "It's never been a issue for you before. Now you want kids? Since when?"

"Not right now, but eventually." Polly had no idea why she even went there with this conversation. Having children is not something she had even contemplated with Austin. She had hoped that Ethan and her would have had kids one day but that all went up in flames.

"Good to know. If you want kids I'd give you a kid."

"I don't just want kids, god Austin. Are you happy with this?"

"With you? Yes." He wasn't though, but he was lazy. His career was his focus and Polly fitted in with that. She put very little demands on his time, she would come along to his functions, impress people and she looked stunning. And he always enjoyed the sex. He did love her, but he loved his career more. He just always assumed she'd be there considering her history, he thought Polly was happy with this life too.

His family always had the expectation that you settled down with someone who caused you the least amount of drama and Polly certainly played that role. His parents weren't head over heels in love with each other; they just stayed married because it was easy and comfortable. Growing up he was always aware of the state of his parent's marriage and was happy enough to go that way too, it worked for them and it allowed him to focus on the more important things in life.

"Are you sure? I am just handy to have around. I look good on your arm and I don't embarrass you."

"It's more than that. You know it is. I love you." It wasn't a lie, he did love her however he wasn't in love with her but by fuck he didn't want to lose her either and not to another guy.

"Yes, you love me. You are not head over heels, do crazy things in love with me though are you?" It wasn't enough for Polly, not any more.

"It's a fantasy Polly."

"Then I want a fantasy. My parents have that fantasy, why can't I want that." And they did. She knew that it wasn't normal, they were one out of the box but that didn't mean you couldn't dream of having that too. Despite having moments when they scrapped with each other they still really loved each other and now that both Polly and Gus were adults and doing their own things they seemed to enjoy each other even more.

"Your parents? Really, one in a million."

"I want to make it two in a million."

"And you think this random guy you fucked ten years ago is going to give you that?" The change in Austin, in the way he spoke was startling. His voice had an edge to it now that she had never heard before.

"I don't know." Polly was starting to get agitated. He just kept coming back to it, back to Sam and she had no idea what he wanted her to say? Did he want her to admit that she wanted to be with Sam? She didn't know where they were, he was gone and perhaps a bit of time and distance would make them see sense. She had tried to convince herself that she didn't know what Sam wanted either but that was a lie, he had made it patently clear on several occasions what he wanted from Polly. Perhaps he may not even come back. This could crash down in an instant but what it had made her see was that she wasn't in love with Austin and it was time to make that break.

"God, just admit it Polly. You want to fuck him. He get's you all hot and bothered. He's got you dancing around his dick. Did you fuck him last night? Is that why you didn't want to screw around when you got home, worried I'd notice how loose you were?"

Polly had enough. "Fuck you, fuck you." She did not expect that to come out of his mouth. "Don't be a fucking pig. Nothing is going on with Sam, but I can tell you one thing he never treated me like you do, he would never talk to me like that. Where the fuck did you go last night? You couldn't even stay until the end of the speeches."

"That was your thing, you know I hate those things. I came, did the supportive boyfriend thing, isn't that enough and you were doing fine without me. God even your parents were all over him, I swear your mother would have done him at the bar."

"You are a fucking pig, you know that."

"Why'd you even want me there? I hate all that fawning over people shit you do."

"Yes I know you hate those things, those things being anything that I am involved in. You are quite happy for me to come along to your boring as fuck work functions and watch you kiss so many arses your lips are red raw. I stand there and smile and be nice to all the other trophy wives and hang around until the bitter end. You are quite happy for me to sit for hours waiting for you to finish a race." Austin had run a few marathons and always expected Polly to be his support crew and wait for him at the end like a good little girlfriend and she'd always done it. "Heaven forbid something of mine bores you. If you want a dumb as fuck trophy wife, you've picked the wrong woman."

"Well I am sure Sam kept you company last night, it seemed right up his alley. Or should I say he wants to be right up your alley. He would have fucked you on that stage." It was crude and he pushed himself up off the couch before she could answer. "I'm going to take a shower, if that's okay by you."

"Austin, don't walk away."

"Why not Polly? What do you want me to say? You've decided we're done, so that's it. I'd like to shower. Is that ok?"

"Austin. Let's talk about this please. We need to work out what we are going to do about this place." He couldn't believe she had the audacity to cry.

He stopped and looked at her and she had to admit he looked a little crushed; his façade slipped just a little. "What the fuck are you crying for? This is what you want so what we are going to do Polly is kick some dirt over this and move on. Go and fuck you little lion man."


	10. Don't Look Back

The very last thing he wanted to do was let her get out of the car, but he had no choice. He wanted to reach out and tell her not to go but he knew if he touched her right now he was never letting her go so he said goodbye, watched her walk inside her building without a backward glance before driving off.

He had been smart enough not to drink too much because if he had been impaired by alcohol he never would have asked her to make him stop and he knew if he hadn't asked she wouldn't have stopped him. He could feel that. He could feel her longing, and her desperation and it was excruciating.

Sitting down in his hotel room he poured himself a drink, a stiff drink and closed his eyes for just a moment. "Fuck." He yelled at absolutely nothing. "Fuck."

Pulling out his phone he scrolled through a few of the photos he managed to take of the evening. For two weeks he'd been desperate to take a photo of her but had been too scared to ask and he knew why, because he knew she wasn't his to have or lust over, she wasn't even his to dream about but dream about her he had.

It didn't stop him though, he was infatuated and she had told him that she didn't want him to leave her alone and that she'd been happy for the past two weeks and so had he. When he knew he was coming back here he had brief moment when he wondered if he should call her to catch up and up until he landed he was still undecided. It was taken out of his hands somewhat with the guest speaker role and the very next day he was blown away, did he want this though? Of course he did, but this….the fact she was in a relationship with someone else…well this hurt, like all fuck.

He stopped on one photo and he'd taken it on purpose. She was on the periphery that was where he felt she was, just on the edge of his vision but so out of reach. He zoomed in and loved how happy she looked, her hand holding a glass of champagne and she was laughing, he wish he knew what she was laughing about. Not that it mattered, she was happy and he hoped that he played some part in that.

There were one or two other photos with her in it but he liked this one the best so he put it on Instagram. The majority of the frame was taken up with the dinner setting, the fairy lights and candles and surrounded by the zoo, his zoo. He was disappointed when he checked for Polly's account as it was private and he couldn't access it without asking for permission, so he asked for it. He did a bit of searching he found that Austin's was also private and when he searched for the Ball through tags he found that Maya had an account, which he could look through and the photos of Polly took his breath away.

Most of them were of her having fun with her friends but she always looked beautiful and there were never any photos of her with Austin. He liked and commented on a few of Maya's photos and then threw his phone on the table and poured himself another drink. What the fuck was he doing?

It was simple for him; he had fallen in love with Polly. It had been almost instantaneous. It wasn't at that first meeting although that left him a little stunned but by the time he'd spent that afternoon at the zoo with her he knew exactly what he was feeling. Three fucking days was all it took. It was insane and crazy but god it felt good, .

Tonight was all over the shop and he thought he held it together pretty well. He felt like he'd been kicked in the guts when he saw her with Austin, or whatever the fuck the dude's name was but he pushed on. He'd watched them and apart from that few minutes when he first got there the guy barely gave her a second glance. Then the dance, well he tortured himself with that. Holding her close enough but not nearly as close as he needed was bittersweet. He closed his eyes and tried to remember how it felt to hold her.

It was the moment outside, on the bonnet of the car that he knew. She was throwing off heat and he was getting to her. She wanted him as much as he wanted her he was certain of that but she was off limits so he pushed her to the edge and only Polly had the fortitude to stop them tumbling over. Despite that he knew, at that very moment he knew that she felt it too. He had another reason to come back; he had Polly in the palm of his hand. He had the love of his life back…almost.

Yet he told Polly that they shouldn't be in contact while he was away. Why the fuck did he do that? It was easier to pretend it was for the best that way, although it was more that. He needed to stay away while she was still unavailable. He didn't know what she was going to do; he didn't want to push her because he was terrified of what she would tell him. If she told him that she chose Austin it would crush him, it was killing him as it was thinking of her with him in bed with him right now.

Maya had been right, he was watching her at the dinner and imagining what it would be like now to be knee deep in her. How could he not? She was stunning but it wasn't just the way she looked, there was always something within Polly that pulled him in. She was like a magnet; she was his quick sand and always had been. She had pushed him away for weeks when things went to shit with Abbey and he just waited for her. He was young, he had girls falling over themselves to go out with him, there were girls who were willing to give him whatever he wanted but for some reason he only wanted Polly, so he waited and she came back and for more than two years they had a pretty fun and passionate relationship.

He waited for her outside the zoo when he should have walked away but he'd done that before and it wasn't an option this time. He had to touch her, he wanted to kiss her, and he wanted it all.

Flying home was torture. He had thirty long hours to think about nothing but what he'd left behind. For a while he focussed on work, reading reports, making notes and doing some research but as soon as he put that away Polly came back. He had hated the way he ended things with her all those years ago because she looked so devastated and it haunted him for quite a while. He had told Polly he was seeing someone else and that wasn't a lie but after seeing Polly for the last time he didn't stick around long with Megan. He felt guilty because all he wanted to do was spend one more night with Polly and that wasn't fair to her because he'd always want one more night, so he ended it. Eventually he moved on and Polly was pushed out of his mind. He wanted his girlfriend at the time, Sophie to come to Africa with him when he took that job but she was still finishing off her degree and yet again he moved away and left a broken heart behind.

Violet had chased him pretty hard and they'd had a few good months together but he wasn't falling hard, he was enjoying his time with her and maybe it would stick eventually but the job offer from Chicago forced his hand. He never even thought of asking her to come with him and that was when he knew he had to end it. It was probably a little brutal, he was moving back to America and they were done. He going to wait until he got back as the initial trip home was only two weeks but he realised the longer he left it the more Vi started to think that he would want her to go with him. The catalyst was finding out that she was searching for jobs in Chicago and had investigated what she needed to do to get a Visa and when she mentioned that it might be easier to get a fiancé Visa Sam knew he had to pull the pin now. Once she had got over her tantrum about his grand announcement she had started to get excited about the prospect of moving with him to the US.

"How far is Logan Park from the zoo?"

"Close enough I suppose." He shrugged. Vi was sitting beside him looking at the computer while Sam was reading a report. He was pretty intense when he was working and she did know that he would be getting some animals that he'd never worked with back in Chicago and wanted to know as much as possible before he landed. Her incessant questions about Chicago were pissing him off a little when he was busy. "Why?"

"Where is it that you will be living?"

"Not sure, I haven't started looking yet. I plan to take a look around when I am back."

"Will it have a garden? I'd really like a garden."

"Probably not."

"Oh." She tapped away for a few more minutes. "It's not easy to get a Visa though is it? I mean the easiest way might be a fiancé Visa, but you need to marry within 90days."

"What?" That certainly got his attention. Sam put his folder aside and turned to face Vi. "I am looking forward to going home to Chicago and I will miss this place, I'll miss a lot of things about here but I am excited. Working at Lincoln Park has always been a dream of mine. I will miss you and I am glad we spent the last few months together it's been fun."

"Miss me?"

"Yes."

It finally sunk in and it wasn't pretty. "Fun? Is that all this was, some fun?"

"It was fun and I thought we had a good time."

"It was more than fun Sam. I love you."

"Vi." She took one look at his face and threw the computer at the table and it skidded off onto the floor, stunning him a little. It was his computer so that didn't impress him all that much. He always thought that she may have a temper but that was a surprise as it exploded out of her. "Well thanks for nothing. Fuck you Sam." He reached for her hand and she yanked it away. "Don't touch me."

"Vi, I'm sorry. I thought we were both aware of what this was?"

"I guess you did. Would have been nice to know this earlier." she lashed out and Sam caught her hand just before she struck him in the face and warned her that physical violence was not in her best interest. He had never raised a hand to her, or any other woman and he never would but neither would he put up with being abused either. That's not how he was raised. "Don't you dare." He seethed and in that exact moment whatever regrets he may have had about ending things vanished.

It was a nasty couple of days and he certainly saw a side of Vi that he didn't like. The next day she dropped off a box of all the things she'd kept from their relationship, ticket stubs, photos and little things that Sam had bought her. It was dumped on his front porch. He also fielded a variety of nasty messages not only from her but her friends as well.

Now he was heading back with a completely new set of problems and he was really hoping Vi wouldn't be one of them. Sitting at the airport he was surprised that Polly had liked a few of his photos and accepted his follow request. He wasn't surprised at the lack of content on her page though; Polly had never really got into the social media thing. It was a few random posts and nothing revealing but he loved getting that glimpse into her life, he was desperate for anything at this stage.

Except for one, and holy hell what a photo it was. He was going to need to keep that one.

 _'Fuck. #Crazy'_

It made him weak at the knees. He knew that beneath that dress was hiding something spectacular and the photo of Polly in a bikini proved that.

He sent her a private message; he couldn't help himself. ' _Holy hell Polly. I have no words… okay I have one word. 'Fuck'. What the hell are you doing to me?'_

It was a little later, when he got off the flight home that he noticed that Austin had commented below his post, which was only one word. _'Get the fuck away from my woman.' So he guessed that Austin had figured out who he was. He also didn't care; Austin could come at him all he liked. He'd done nothing and as long as he didn't lay a hand on Polly he didn't really pay much attention to it. It was just chest beating and he was man enough to let it roll off his back, he wasn't getting into a slinging match with this idiot. Funny thing was he wasn't the only one who had commented something similar on that photo; she had a few comments since it had been posted more than a year ago at how hot she looked and Austin had said nothing so obviously Sam had got under his skin and he wasn't really upset by that at all._

He backed off from commenting on any more anyway, he didn't want to make things hard for Polly.

"Who the hell is Maya?" Violet screamed at him. He was surprised that she showed up when he got back and he soon realised that she wasn't letting go. She had changed her tune in the past week and he had started to get messages from her that was more than a little suggestive. She had obviously decided to try another angle but the split personality thing he was noticing was not the least bit attractive.

"Who?"

"Maya. You are all over her Instagram and she is all over yours?"

"Maya is involved in the BraveHearts Foundation." Sam tried to stay calm but his head was spinning and he was desperately trying to remember if this was going to lead back to Polly and he knew he had to protect her from whatever Vi was spewing because if Polly got one whiff of it she would freak out and run for the hills. "She's one of the organisers of the Charity Dinner that they organised for me to speak at. I met her when I did the talk."

"And?"

"And what?"

"Are you fucking her?"

"Ha, no. I am not fucking Maya or anyone for that matter." At least he wasn't lying, he honestly wasn't fucking anyone, given half the chance he wanted to be but Maya wasn't the one he was dreaming of losing himself in.

"But you want too. Obviously, you are desperate. Is that why you are going back to Chicago?"

"I am going back to Chicago for my career. I didn't even know Maya until I went back last week. Not sure her husband would be keen for me to fuck her either. This is not a good look on you."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"This Vi…" he waved his hand in her direction. "..this is ugly. I know you are upset but this has nothing to do with Maya so you need to back off."

He had seen the comments she had made on Maya's posts and they were ugly. Knowing Maya, not all that well but he got a good feel for the type of person she was, he knew that she would get a laugh out of it and he also knew that she would protect Polly from it and talk her down from a ledge, or at least that was his hope. He also didn't want her husband to be subjected to this shit and make things awkward for her, he had no idea what kind of guy he was, they'd never met but if he was anything like Maya he was looking forward to meeting him. Polly had told him that they were the perfect match and a lot of fun. It wasn't acceptable however to comment on the BraveHearts Foundation account. "And you can fucking stop with the shit you are putting on the BraveHearts Posts, have a bit of respect. It's a foundation that is trying to prevent teen suicide and sexual assault and you are being pathetic. I've told them and Maya to block you, I won't tolerate this shit from you, be a fucking adult."

"You are keen to defend her?"

"Because you are being a bitch."

"Fuck you Sam. You are a gutless prick."

"Gutless would have been packing and leaving without telling you and the way you are carrying on that might have been a better option." He wasn't particularly proud of himself but this had to stop before it got further out of control. She hadn't yet put two and two together; there were a couple of photos that had turned up of him with Polly and he desperately hoped that Vi would not make the link.

"Go to hell." Vi stormed out of the house and slammed the door and Sam hoped that was the end of it but sadly it wasn't.

Two days later she turned up at his house just after dinner, clearly drunk and as soon as he opened the door she tried to kiss him, she lifted up her dress and revealed she was wearing nothing underneath and tried to grab Sam's hand and make him touch her.

Fortunately he wasn't drunk or stupid enough to do anything. He reefed his hand away; she wasn't going to accuse him of assaulting her when she sobered up in the morning. "I know you wanna fuck me." She slurred. "You like a good screw and baby I know you missed me."

"You need to leave. I'll call you a cab."

"Come on baby, how about I kiss your pig for you?"

"No thanks." It would have been easy and he was definitely feeling sexually frustrated because of what he didn't get from Polly but this horse had bolted a long time ago and the offer from Vi wasn't the least bit appealing. He wasn't technically attached to Polly but he wasn't doing anything to stuff it up either, he wasn't 'cheating' on her.

"Sam, I'm pregnant." She blurted out.

"Bullshit." Despite not believing her, his heart was in his throat. This would be a fucking disaster.

"Would you stay if I was?"

"No because you are not pregnant." He knew she wouldn't be this drunk if she was and it wasn't the first time she'd been drunk lately, he'd got a few drunken phone calls from her while he was away. He also knew that she had done this before, she had told him that she was young and stupid and told a boyfriend that she was pregnant so he wouldn't leave her. It should have sent the alarms bells off but Sam was enjoying the sex he was getting at the time. She was a good lay.

"I am."

"How many weeks?" he called her bluff and when it took her a few moments to figure out an answer he knew she was lying. "Trying to work out the last time we had sex? Get your dates right? It's bullshit and it isn't going to work."

"You don't love me?" Suddenly she was a blubbering mess. "What do I have to do to make you love me?"

"I don't, I don't love you and it's nothing you did or didn't do, Vi. We were never meant to be anything more than a bit of fun."

"For you, it was just fun for you. Not for me. I love you Sam, please please can we try."

"No we can't. I'm sorry Vi." He almost told her that he was in love with someone else but held his tongue. "We are over, there is nothing to save." He had tried the softly approach, he'd tried to talk to her and explain things but she just wasn't getting it. He'd asked her to stop abusing Maya on IG, he asked her to stop sending him messages and photos so now he was just going to be brutal. "And I don't want to even try."

He did let her stay and put her in the spare room because she was starting to look worse for wear, he put a bucket beside her bed and left a glass of water. He left her fully clothed and when she got up the next morning he was gone. Not willing to risk being accused of anything he took himself to Jonah's house as soon as she was in bed, explained what was going on to his mate and at least if she tried to point the finger at him he could honestly say he wasn't there and Jonah could attest to that.

Sam finally talked to his best mate about what was going on and although he did not mention Polly's name he did admit that perhaps something had happened while he was back that changed things. "Man, Vi has lost the plot and seriously it's bullshit."

"What happened?"

"Vi obviously thought we were a lot more serious than I did. She was planning on coming to Chicago I think and I kind of blew that out of the water before I went back." They were sitting on the back deck, feet up on the railing having a beer. He'd met Jonah when he first arrived and they'd hit it off. He'd stayed with him for a couple of months until he settled down and the Keeper's cottage became available for him to live in. He was going to miss him and they had already talked about him visiting Chicago some day and Sam did have to come back and be his best man next year, and he surprised himself by wondering if Polly would come with him. He wanted to show her where he had been; he wanted to immerse her in his life.

"You didn't think about it?"

"Nah man. It was pointless; it was never going to work. It was just a bit of fun, although Vi didn't see it like that." Sam had never even told her that he loved her, she had certainly told him but he had never managed to say the words. He had no idea whether she picked up on that or not and right now he didn't care. "Tonight she just turned up and was all trying to get me to sleep with her, telling me she's pregnant, which she is clearly not and begging me. Two days ago she's accusing me of screwing around, yelling like a banshee. Man, she gives me whiplash."

"Is there someone back home?"

Sam leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees and rolled the bottle of beer between his hands. "I didn't think there was, now I am not sure."

"Really? That's quick man."

"It's not anything right now, we are just friends and I hadn't heard from her since I got back, she sent me a message today and I have no idea what it means and trust me I had no idea before I left here, I didn't go looking for anything but it found me. Things were well and truly over with Vi before I left."

"Who is she?"

"Someone I never thought I'd see again."

"And old flame?" Jonah knew him pretty well although it had been a long time since he'd even thought about Polly. She was so far buried in his past she just never came up. He was sure he'd mentioned Sophie, the girlfriend he had before he took this job but never Polly. Too much time had passed to think that she was ever going to be part of his life.

"Maybe. Just someone from my past." He stared out across the yard. Yep his past, it was rushing up at him at a million miles an hour.

Polly contacted him first. He'd barely been back in Kenya a few days. _'Hope you made it home okay?'_

She was reaching out, somewhat tentatively. She wasn't supposed to contact him, that was the agreement and he was glad that she broke it first. It had to come from Polly; she was the one that had someone else to think about. Sam would have jumped in with both feet given half the chance but he was trying to do the right thing. It's just that the right thing felt so fucking wrong.

 _'I did. Long trip.'_

 _'It was so good to see you.'_

 _'Same, I really enjoyed spending time with you.'_

 _'It's been a rough few days. I broke up with Austin.'_

 _'Are you okay?' He heart started to race._

 _'I am. I just wanted to know if you were home safe. Take care Sam.'_

How could she leave it at that? Was that it? She drops the bombshell he was hoping for and then disappears. What the hell did he do now? Did this mean the agreement was off? Could he contact her now? Did he want too?

Of course he did, he wanted to talk to her. He wanted to pack all his shit up and get on the first plane home. He wanted Polly.


	11. Dad's Arms

The house was empty when Polly let herself in. She threw her bag by the door and wandered through to the kitchen and found a beer in the fridge, grabbing that one and a spare she headed out back. "Hey Dad." It had been a pretty uncomfortable few hours, Austin refused to talk to her or leave and even when she went into their room to pack a bag he just watched her like a hawk and said nothing.

"Sweet Pea. Didn't think we'd see you tonight." Sunday night dinners were a pretty standard thing and they had an open invitation, which usually included Al and Hank and occasionally Trudy too. Polly and Gus came and went depending on what they had on but their Mom and Dad always had dinner together on Sunday nights. He grabbed her proffered beer and kissed her forehead. "Last night was awesome, what time you finish up?"

"About one I think." She leant against the railing as she watched her Dad with the grill. "Pork Belly? Who's coming?"

"Just Al." He closed the lid. "It was good to see Sam again."

"Yep."

"What's up Sweet Pea?"

"Can I stay here tonight?" Adam detected the slight wobble of her voice.

"Sure." Adam shrugged. His kids were welcome to come and go as they pleased. He hated it when she first moved out and that he wouldn't get to see her as much as he wanted to. Lately though Polly had stayed here a lot and he decided he wasn't going to start in on her again, he didn't want to kill her buzz although by the look of her something already had. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

"I broke up with Austin." Despite being exactly what she wanted and it was a decision that she had made saying it out loud for the first time was still surprisingly hard and she burst into tears.

"Oh sweetie." He pulled her into his arms. It was just what he was built for, hugging his kids, and his wife of course when they were upset or hurt. "I'm sorry."

"No you are not." Polly laughed a little painfully but she didn't move, she needed her Dad right now.

Adam leant back and held her at arms length so he could look her in the eye and he waited until Polly looked at him. "Okay, I am not sorry that you've broken up with him but I am sorry that you are upset and hurting. I don't like that."

"Thanks Dad."

"First things first, are you okay?" Polly nodded as Adam led her over to the lounge and pushed her down into the corner, she pulled her legs up and hugged them to her chest. "What happened?"

"I think it was time to pull the pin, it wasn't going anywhere and it was just easy to stay. That's not right is it? You know last night I realised he was never in it for me. He didn't stay long and basically told me he hated those things and seeing me fawn over people. He was never going to support me doing what I love."

"No he wasn't and that's not good." Adam rubbed her feet lightly. Instinctively he knew there was something else, there was more to the Austin story but she wasn't ready to spill yet. "Is this about Sam?"

"No."

He cocked his head to the side and smiled as he sipped on his beer. The look on her face and the way she was so quick to answer told him otherwise. "Really Polly? You are not a very good liar. You forget who you are talking too."

"Sam's gone home."

"But he's coming back."

"Dad." She pushed his hand away with her foot. "Maybe seeing Sam again made me realise that you need that spark and passion. I had that with Sam a long time ago, I had that with Ethan and while they both broke my heart it's so much better than just going through the motions. Austin would never break my heart because I would never give it to him. No risk, no reward right? I should want to spend time with him shouldn't I?"

"Do you want to spend time with Sam?"

"I don't know. I want to feel something with someone though. Austin told me that you and Mom are one in a million and that it's a fantasy to want that. Is it bad to want to be someone's one in a million?"

If there was one thing Adam was passionate about, it was his family, each and every one of them. He wanted them to have the world. "I want that for you, I so want that for you and for Gus."

"How did you know?"

Adam tapped himself lightly on the chest. "When this didn't work without her."

"Where is Mom anyway?"

"Yoga and then grocery store."

"She loves that yoga class."

"So do I, you've seen how hot she is and flexible."

Polly pushed herself up off the lounge. "Dad, really. Keep it clean. Think of the children." She laughed and kissed his cheek. "I'm going to have a shower."

"Sure." Adam reached for her hand. "And Polly, I'm sorry about Austin. It will happen for you, you know that right?"

"I hope so."

Adam heard the garage door open as Kim pulled in. "Hey Baby." He met her at the car and grabbed the shopping bags.

"Is Polly here?" She followed Adam through to the kitchen; it was obvious she was because her car was parked out front. "I wasn't sure we'd see her tonight."

"Well I am not sure if she's moving home or just staying tonight. She split up with Austin."

"What? When? Today? What did she say?"

"Whoa, back the truck up Darlin'." Adam dumped the bags on the bench and started unpacking them. His wife was a chocoholic and judging by the various different types of chocolate he was pulling out of the bag either it was on special or she had some serious craving going on and if that was the case he knew better than to comment on it. "She's fine, she's in the shower right now. We had a few tears, I think she'll be fine."

"What did you say?"

"I was my usual supportive self." He ignored the fact that Kim scoffed at him as opened the fridge and found homes for the ridiculous amount of stuff she'd bought. "I asked her about Sam?"

"You did not?"

"Of course I did." Closing the fridge, he was happy with his work although he knew as soon as he left the kitchen she would rearrange it. "You don't think this is all a little sudden? A few weeks ago Polly wouldn't even entertain talking about Austin and what was going on then suddenly Sam comes back and Polly is back home, single and talking about wanting to be that one in a million and I suspect they've been seeing each other."

"One in a million what?"

"Austin apparently told her that we are one in a million and it's stupid that she wants that too, its unattainable."

"No it's not."

"That's what I told her. If she wants it she should find it."

"You are a good boy." Kim patted his cheek.

"I also told her you are hot and very flexible, does that get me some loving later?" Adam grabbed her around the waist and Kim squealed a little as he kissed her. He backed her up against the fridge and slipped one hand underneath her shirt.

"Think of the children." Polly muttered as she caught them mid kiss, something that had happened more times than she could count. Her wet hair was tied up in a loose bun and she was wearing some leggings and a baggy sweater. Comfort clothes. Kim couldn't help herself she started to cry. "I guess Dad told you?" she rolled her eyes at him as he beat a hasty exit.

He was smart enough to know when mother/daughter time was needed so he grabbed his keys and disappeared to go pick up Al and bring him over for dinner. He was closer to eighty than seventy now and didn't like driving late at night.

"I'm sorry sweetie, are you okay?"

"I will be. I just think I will wallow for a bit. It's okay if I stay?"

"Of course. What's the plan?"

"I don't know yet. Austin refused to talk about it so…." She shrugged. "…I guess he's a little pissed."

"Why?"

"Because of Sam." Kim was a little gobsmacked. She was surprised that Polly admitted that Sam had anything to do with this. She had played those cards very close to her chest the past couple of weeks and while they had their suspicions that Polly was seeing Sam more than she was willing to admit they really had no idea what was going on.

"You've been seeing him?" Kim wasn't the least bit impressed however. "Polly!"

"No, not really. We caught up a couple of times that's all. Nothing happened. I swear but he reckons Sam was watching me all night last night. I couldn't control that; I didn't ask Sam to be like that. I can't stop him doing what he wants. I think Austin figured out that Sam was more than just a high school friend."

"So you didn't tell Austin who Sam was, did you tell Sam about Austin?" Kim sounded a bit annoyed. This was not a side of Polly she really liked.

"Not until he turned up last night at the dinner. He didn't tell me anything about his life either. We were just two old friends catching up." Polly was on the defensive; it was something they had seen a lot of lately. She was always defensive especially when it came to her love life and Kim couldn't really blame her, they'd been attacking her a lot when it came to Austin but only because they wanted the best for her.

Kim wasn't buying the friends bullshit though. Friends do actually talk about their personal lives. "That's hardly fair to either of them."

Polly was getting angry, her Ruzek temper was probably quicker to the boil than anyone else's. "Nothing happened. Sam's a friend, an old friend. Austin doesn't care what I do."

"Sam's not just an old friend Polly, he's an ex, I think Austin probably deserved to know that, don't' you?"

"Aren't you just happy I finally decided that Austin wasn't working out and I broke up with him? Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, because he wasn't making you happy." Kim couldn't argue with that. They didn't like him, at least not for Polly. She deserved better, she deserved someone who was willing to support her in her passions. Austin wasn't that guy. Adam had always supported Kim, even when she wanted to do things that he didn't exactly love. Like when she took the secondment to the Ivory Tower, he hated what happened to cops when they moved into that place but Kim wanted to experience that side of policing so he encouraged her to go for it.

"Maybe Sam made me realise that? I am not saying I want anything to happen with Sam, I don't know. It was all so confusing and I think that perhaps him going back to Africa we will take a step back and it will put everything into perspective. It was just really intense seeing him again."

"I hope so Polly."

"I can stay though right?"

"Sweetheart, you can stay as long as you need." Kim squeezed her hand and turned to grab the salad stuff from wherever Adam had shoved them. How they managed to co-habit for so long sometimes bewildered her. She loved her fridge being neat and organised with everything in its place and Adam was a little more haphazard. He was the same in the bathroom, laundry and bedroom. Haphazard was Adam's middle name. He was lucky he wasn't in pieces and hidden under the floorboards after being smothered with a pillow.

She handed them to Polly who started washing the vegetables. "You know, I am sad about Austin. He's not a bad guy." Although his behaviour today was starting to make her think that perhaps there was a side to Austin that she didn't know about. She didn't want to hate him but he had made it difficult not too.

"I know Sweetie."

The sudden increase in noise from outside could only mean one thing; Gus was here. "Hey Sis." He leant through the kitchen door. "Hey Mom."

"Hey Sweetie, good shift?" Gus had stopped cringing a long time ago whenever his Mom called him Sweetie. It was a battle in his teenage years but she wasn't going to stop now so he just rolled with it. He came in and plonked himself down at the table and gave a very brief rundown of his day and how stupid people seemed to be, which also meant he'd been on his feet the entire time. Kim may have missed the rough and tumble of policing but she certainly didn't miss her patrol days.

"How was the dinner Pol?"

"Great. Went off without a hitch, everyone seemed to love it."

"And Sam?"

"What about Sam?" she responded a little too defensively and Kim frowned a little. Something was going on that she didn't really like at the moment with Polly.

"Just asking, sheesh."

"Sorry. Sam did great." Gus pushed himself up out of the chair to go have a shower before dinner and Kim was instantly onto Polly.

Al was waiting for Adam when he arrived. "Hey old man." He helped him in the car.

"You are full off spit today." He grumbled. He asked about the dinner and how Polly went. Since he'd lost Lexi, so many years ago Polly and Gus had filled a huge hole in his life. They would drop in and see him; take him out for coffee and always remembered his birthday and made sure they had dinner with him. Gus talked to him a lot about policing and his early days on Patrol and Al loved reminiscing about those long forgotten days. He loved hearing about Gus's experiences on Patrol now.

"Polly did an awesome job, she's at home now and just as a head's up feeling a little fragile."

"Hang over?"

"Nope, broke up with the boyfriend."

"Ah, that dickhead one? The smarmy lawyer?"

"That's him." Adam chuckled. Al had spotted him a mile off and had little tolerance for dickhead lawyers. He didn't while he was working and now he was old and grumpy and intolerant of fools.

"Good."

"Yes, but she's a little weepy, be warned. And don't mention Sam."

"Who the hell is Sam?" Adam laughed; he forgot that Al did his best to forget most things.

Kim stood with her hands on her hips. "Okay Polly. Spit it out. What's going on with Sam?"

"Nothing. God, why don't you believe me, I haven't done anything."

"Has Sam?"

"No." Polly buried her head in her hands and Kim waited. "He wanted to kiss me last night, and I said no. I know what he wants, I've known since the day he came back and I stopped him but Mom I didn't want too. He asked me why I didn't tell him about Austin and that if he'd known he would have stayed away."

"Why didn't you tell him about Austin?"

"Because I didn't want him to stay away." Polly just stared straight at her mother. "I'm scared that I am falling in love with him again and I don't know if I should."

Kim grabbed her hands and made Polly look at her. "Are you sure you are not just wanting to hang onto feelings you had a long time ago. Maybe you are in love with the memory of Sam?"

"I don't know and that scares me. What if that's all this is? What if Sam comes back, like he did before and tells me that it was all just some stupid fantasy?"

"That's the risk you need to decide you are willing to take. Is that what you think is going to happen?" Polly was very much like Kim in that regard, she just wanted to be loved. She wanted someone to want to be with her and gave her heart away quickly. Luckily for Kim she had finally given it to the right person, she gave it to Adam and he had treasured it. While Kim didn't think Polly would ever love Austin the way she wanted too, it didn't mean that she didn't want to love him, she just couldn't. It was a constant struggle for Polly knowing what her heart wanted but not being able to let herself find it again. Kim hated seeing her give up and it was one of reasons she didn't like Polly and Austin together because Polly was fighting against her own dreams.

"No. No I don't but we didn't talk about what was going to happen when he comes back. As far as he knows I am with Austin. We agreed not to keep in touch."

"That's sensible."

"Mom I don't want to be sensible. He makes me want to do crazy things. Like having dinner with him, I danced with him last night and it felt great, he took me to the zoo, I would call him just to talk about the dinner but I know it was more than that and I know it was crazy."

"Oh Polly." Kim rubbed her back. "It will work out. Trust yourself. Trust your heart."


	12. A Helping Hand

Sam looked at his phone briefly. It had already been a long day, he'd been up since 4am and it wasn't likely to end anytime soon. It was all very well agreeing to stay on until his replacement was found but he was also trying not to let things left behind in Chicago distract him and that was easier said than done. The message didn't help.

It was from Maya, via Instagram. _'You need to call Polly.'_

 _'Is she okay? What's happened?'_ He had no time right now to call her.

 _'Just call her. Austin is making life hard for her.'_

 _'Is he hurting her? Call her parents.'_ He started to panic. He sent Polly a message but got no response. At this point in time he couldn't drop everything and call her because they were just about to stable and separate a mother Rhino from her baby and he certainly needed his wits about him. He threw the phone on the bench, rubbed his temples and tried to focus.

Sam hadn't talked to Polly since he left, they'd had a few chats over messenger but it was all pretty light and casual and while she had told him that she had pulled the pin with Austin he knew little else. There was no indication that there was any trouble.

By the time they were done with work he was feeling a little worse for wear, he was tired and hungry and in desperate need for a shower. It had been a long hot day and everything hurt. This little girl could already kick ass and Mom was none to impressed with any of them but she settled down once her healthy little one was back by her side. Weighed, measured and vet checked and with a clean bill of health.

He only had a message from Maya when he got back to his phone, which was disappointing _. 'She's fine and trying to work it out herself but I know you can get through to her and convince her to talk to her parents. I just think she needs to hear your voice. I've tried and she's not listening to me.'_ Polly was going to kill Maya for contacting Sam. When she confronted Polly she begged her not to say anything. Her parents, while they were on her side with regards to splitting up with Austin were not particularly happy that she had been seeing Sam without Austin's knowledge, despite insisting that nothing happened and she felt like she couldn't go to them for help when Austin started being a bit of a dick about it.

"Hey Polly." The number that flashed up on her phone was blocked and she almost didn't answer it. She'd had a few of these calls lately and most of them she ignored because they were starting to scare her, they would come in the middle of the night and the person would hang up as soon as she answered.

"Sam?"

"Yep, how are you?"

"I'm okay." She was a little stunned to hear from him and it started to overwhelm her. Her voice trembled and she leapt out of her seat and walked around her apartment to steady herself. "How are you?"

"Feeling battered and bruised right now."

"Why?"

"I've spent half the afternoon trying to get a baby Rhino weighed and measured. Mom wasn't happy with me."

"A Rhino, they are huge and dangerous."

"Are you worried about me?"

"Yes." Polly had no hesitation in admitting that and Sam liked that she didn't. All through this it was Polly's lack of hesitation that kept pulling him closer. He wasn't sure where her head was at but he was well past the point of no return.

"What about you? Are you okay?"

"Yes."

Sam called her on her bullshit and he hated that she cried on the phone. "Polly talk to me please."

"It's just hard right now. I don't know what I am doing."

"What's hard?"

"Everyone is having a go at me. My parents are pissed off, Austin is pissed off."

"Why?"

"Why what? Why is Austin pissed? Because I told him I don't want to be in a relationship with him and he's angry and jealous." It was hard to miss the shortness in her voice but he chose to ignore it for now.

"Of what? Polly what's going on?"

"He asked me about you and whether I cheated on him?" While Polly had sent Sam a message saying that she'd broken up with him he never heard from her again and even when he did eventually send her a message she said nothing and despite asking her if she was okay she told him that she was fine and little else.

"We didn't."

"I know but he doesn't see it like that." Her voice was still shaky and Sam didn't like it but there was fuck all he could do about it. "Everyday I come home and he's taken something else from the apartment or moved stuff so I know he's been here or he invites friends over for and refuses to even talk about moving out or anything. I think he's been calling me at all hours, from a blocked number. Or is that you? Have you been calling me?"

"No I haven't. Change the fucking locks Polly."

"I can't, he knows all this. He knows his legal rights, if I leave then he won't let me back in to get my stuff. His name is on the lease."

"Move out."

"And go where? Mom and Dad are pissed too."

"I am sure they will let you stay, they are not going to turn you away even if they are pissed with you. Though I am not sure why?"

"I think they just thought that I should have been upfront with Austin from the start. I shouldn't have spent time with you."

"What did they say?"

"Nothing, I just get the feeling that Mom wasn't happy."

Kim wasn't at all happy and she was even less than impressed when Polly threw it back in her face. "What, like you chased Dad while he was engaged and if I remember the story correctly kissed him too? What gives you the right to judge me?"

It wasn't so much what she said, it was how she said it that pissed off her Mom and Adam had caught the end of it and, as always he was far from impressed. He didn't care that they were adults they didn't talk to their mother like that and he demanded she apologise.

She mumbled her apology but the fact of the matter was she didn't like the lecture from her mother when she had done something very similar, if not worse so it hardly gave her the right to judge her now.

The facts were that while they had spent time together they had not even talked about what was going to happen next. As far as Sam was concerned when he left Polly was in a relationship with someone else and until that changed they were friends. Obviously he wanted more, but what he wanted right now was irrelevant. They were on different continents, in different time zones and right now it felt like different planets.

"Polly they will help you. You know they will."

"I wish you were here." Polly whispered quietly.

Now if that wasn't a kick in the guts. "I know, but I am not and I want you to tell your parents Polly or I will. At the very least talk to Gus, I know he will help you."

"I just don't understand it. Austin couldn't give a shit about what I was doing. He only came to that dinner out of some sense of obligation and because one of the partners from his firm was coming along. It was about him, that's why he came. He hates coming to my things and does whatever he can to get out of them and now he's all possessive, he was…." Polly stopped herself from finishing that sentence and took a breath. "… and telling me he loves me. He doesn't love me, he just doesn't want anyone else to have me." It exploded out of Polly and Sam just sat and listened. "It's pathetic, you know he doesn't even know or care that I don't like coffee, every fucking day he asks me if I want one, if we go out he orders me one. I hate that shit. He is constantly cooking fucking beetroot despite me telling him I hate it, it's fucking foul, it tastes like dirt and stinks." Polly couldn't see it but Sam was smiling at her ranting and he made a mental note to avoid meals that included beetroot in future. "He's not interested in me; he is only now paying attention because he saw you, he's jealous because he doesn't like losing. Now, all of a sudden he wants to make an effort and tells me he'll give me a baby if I want one. I don't just want a baby for fuck's sake. I want a life with someone who knows that I hate coffee."

"Someone who buys you hot chocolate instead?"

"Yes, yes." Polly sobbed, it was her first admission to Sam that she wanted something more with him; that was at least how he took it. He liked it but chose to ignore it for now. The baby thing, well he wasn't touching that one. "I want that."

"Okay Polly." Sam tried to keep his voice even despite the fact his heart was racing; she wanted to be with him, that's all he could focus on. "Please help me out here. I can't sit here and focus on getting this all wrapped up if I am worried about you. I need you to do something about this; I need you to get out of that place. Find somewhere else to live, go home, go to Maya's, you own a house, kick the tenants out I don't care. You have to do this."

"I know but I love this place."

"Then find a new place to love."

"Tell me about the Rhino." Polly was done talking about it right now. Sam knew this about her. When she was done talking about something she was never subtle about changing the subject, he also knew there was no getting back to it, not right now anyway.

"She's doing great. Bella is a great mom now." Sam had talked about the Rhino's when he was home and how stressful the birth and first few days were. The little girl didn't take to feeding well in the beginning so they had to hand feed her for a couple of days and then re-introduce her to her Mom. "Little Ada is stacking it on now."

"How do you get them away from each other? Isn't Mom protective?"

"Very much so." Sam was certainly feeling the effects of being chased and buffeted all afternoon. "It's fairly intense and then Ada is freaking out and she's charging and bucking at us and Mom is seriously pissed on the other side of the fence. I have bruises galore."

"You know this freaks me out a little bit. I don't imagine your job being dangerous."

"They are wild animals that have primal instincts. We do our best to stay safe but stuff does happen occasionally."

"How long will you keep doing this, like separating them from their moms?"

"This is probably the last time. Ada's getting too big to handle now and we know she's doing well and growing as she should and is healthy. We'll leave them be now."

"Are you going to miss them?" Polly did have this nagging little fear that at some point Sam was going to decide that he wanted to stay where he was. The way he talked about his animals was beautiful but it did make her wonder occasionally if he could give that up.

"Yes and the people I work with but I am excited about coming home. I'll just get new animals to love and who knows maybe one day Ada will come to Chicago so I can breed from her."

"That's kind of surreal to think that could happen."

"It is and that's what I love about it."

"You sound really happy Sam."

"I am happy Polly. I am really happy." He leant forward and rubbed his hand over his face. "I am really excited about what's next. I can't wait."

"Me too."

"Good to know." Sam took a deep breath. "So are you going to talk to your parents or Gus or do you want me to do it?"

"I will. I promise."

"Today Polly."


	13. Brother In Arms

Polly called her brother and organised to meet him for breakfast. She knew Sam was serious, if she didn't sort it out, he would call Gus or worse still, her parents. They didn't catch up much anymore, now that he was a cop and working all kinds of shifts their paths didn't cross quite as often but they did talk to each other every couple of days and would occasionally catch up for drinks or to go to a ballgame as well as Sunday night dinners when they could.

Gus also had a pretty serious girlfriend now, after playing the field for as long as possible but Olivia had pegged him down for the time being. She was a little shy and quiet and initially found being around the Ruzek's a challenge but now that she was more settled she was coming out of her shell a little more. Polly got on well with her, unlike some of his other girlfriends and they would try and catch up to go shopping or just for lunch on weekends if Gus was working.

It was kind of a deal breaker for Gus, if Polly didn't get on with his girlfriend it was destined to fail because he was not into that kind of drama and Polly was a big part of his life. One particular girl, who they only ever knew as Angel, which apparently was not her actual name had given Gus an ultimatum, either he blew off Polly's first charity dinner because she had something else on with her friends or they were done. The fact that she had planned her night out well after she knew about the dinner pissed Gus off and poor Angel never saw it coming and that was the last they heard of her.

"Hey Sis." He dropped a kiss on her cheek before he flopped down in his seat. He'd just come off nightshift so was happy to have breakfast and then go home and crash for a few hours. "How's life?"

"Ticking along. Good shift?"

"Surprisingly quiet, everyone behaved last night, very unusual for a Friday night." While Gus was enjoying being a beat cop he did have his eye on Intelligence eventually. Following in his father's footsteps was his dream. Adam was now a Sergeant and his mother a Lieutenant and they were both pretty well known and respected throughout CPD, and his Dad was still a little feared. Sometimes that made things easy for Gus but more often than not he had to work twice as hard to prove himself. He didn't want someone accusing him of riding on his parent's coattails and he also knew that Intelligence was off the cards until his Dad retired. There was no way the department would let a father son work together, nepotism hadn't worked out well in the past.

"You know what that means. Shits about to get real tonight."

"Lucky for me I'm done for a few days." Polly had already ordered her tea so Gus ordered at coffee and they continued the small talk until the waitress took their breakfast orders.

"So?" Gus sat back once he got his coffee. He knew that Polly was still in the same place and that Austin hadn't moved out yet and that bothered him. He couldn't stand the guy; he was a smug bastard and had always looked down on Gus for wanting to be a cop. Even asking him one day why he settled for just doing what his Dad did, taking the easy option. It went down like a lead balloon and he generally did whatever he could to avoid Austin, which wasn't hard because he was never around. While he thought Polly was happy though he just accepted it because what she did was her business. Didn't mean he liked it though. He wished Polly was a little less stubborn, the more people got on her back about Austin the more she dug her heels in. "What's going on?"

"Do you think Mom and Dad will mind if I move back in for a bit?"

"Na, why would they?"

"I think Mom is pissed with me because of everything with Austin and Sam."

Gus shook his head. "They are not pissed Pol, they are worried though. Everyone is happy that you've given Austin the flick, you know that."

"Yeah, well he's not exactly taking it well."

"What do you mean? What's he doing? Is he hassling you?" Gus may have been Polly's younger brother but he was no less protective because of it.

"Kind of." She shrugged, trying to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal. "He just keeps refusing to leave or let me take my stuff, he keeps taking stuff out of the apartment or moving shit around."

"Change the fucking locks then."

"You sound like Sam." Polly knew as soon as she said that it was a stupid thing to say. At least she said it to Gus and not her parents. Their issue seem to stem from the fact Polly had been spending time with Sam without telling either him or Austin about each other or at least that's the assumption Polly was working from.

"Sam? I thought you weren't talking to Sam until all this was sorted or until he got back?"

"He called me. Maya dobbed me in, told him that Austin was hassling me and he was worried. Nothings changed Gus, we are friends and that's it."

"Bullshit."

"It's not bullshit."

"Pol, it's me you are talking to not Mom. If you want to say you and Sam are a thing, I don't care. It's not like I have covered myself in glory with regards to relationships is it? Remember Laura and Cassie."

Oh boy, did they remember Laura and Cassie. Gus had met Cassie while he was dating Laura and while he broke up with Laura quick smart she didn't quite see it that way and for a while even Polly was too scared to answer her phone. It didn't help that one night they all happened to be at the same bar and the ensuing catfight was a sight to behold until the cops had to be called to separate the two brawling women.

Kim was not impressed but Adam was kind of proud that his son had woman fighting over him; that had been going on since he was 15 years old. When Adam started talking about the catfight at the baseball the day Gus hurt his knee Kim soon shut him down and Adam never mentioned it again, not around his wife anyway.

"Sam and I haven't talked about it. Nothing happened before he left and it's still in the same place."

"You want it though don't you?"

"I don't know what I want. He's not here and he's on the other side of the world for I don't know how long. It's hard to figure out especially with all this other shit going on. It's freaking me out a little."

"Then after breakfast we will go pack some stuff and you can come home. I am not leaving you there Pol."

"I need to ask Mom and Dad."

Gus pulled out his phone and quickly typed a message. "What are you doing? Don't Gus." Polly reached for it to stop him but he moved his arms out of her reach. Even though they were adults he could still be an annoying little shit sometimes, but he always had her back.

' _Hey folks. Austin is being a dick and Polly needs to come home for a bit. Okay?'_ They both always addressed their parents as folks and they loved it.

"I can't believe you did that." Polly folded her arms across her chest, seriously annoyed at her brother although deep down it was the help that she needed and she knew she'd get from Gus. That was precisely why she called him.

"Yes you can." Gus was having none of her bullshit, not today. He could read her like a book. "It's exactly what you wanted me to do. You know you could have just said can you help me move out. Same deal." His phone rang and he held it up to show her the name. _'Dad'_

"What the hell Gus? Where is Polly?" Gus didn't even have the chance to speak before Adam was barking at him.

"She's right here, we are having breakfast."

"Put her on."

Gus handed over the phone. "Hey Dad."

"What the hell is going on Polly? What does Gus mean Austin is being a dick?" Adam was pissed.

"He's just making things hard."

"Has he hurt you? If he lays one finger on you so help me god I will kill him."

"No, Dad calm down. He just keeps coming and going at odd hours and taking stuff or moving stuff around so I can't find things and says that he's not giving up the lease or moving out."

Adam wasn't mucking around. "Then pack your fucking bags and come home. Seriously Polly, how long has this been going on?"

"A couple of weeks."

"For fuck's sake Polly." It had been a long time since Adam even bothered to try not to swear around his kids. "Do you want me to come and grab your stuff? You are not staying there anymore."

Polly burst into tears. Gus leapt up and slid into the seat beside her and threw his arm around her shoulder. "Can you?" she blubbered into the phone. This was just the push she needed and the dam wall burst.

"Of course Sweet Pea all you had to do was ask." Adam's tone instantly softened. She handed the phone back to Gus and they organised to meet at Polly's apartment in an hour.

"See. Mom and Dad don't care about that other shit Polly. They care about you." All the while she had been talking to her Dad her own phone had been ringing although she had it on silent. Gus answered it, obviously it was Mom and he told her that he was with Polly, she was fine and that Dad was meeting them in an hour to grab her stuff and bring her home.

As soon as Polly pulled up outside her place she saw her Dad waiting for her and she literally ran into his arms. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I thought you were angry with me and I wanted to sort it out myself."

"Why would we be angry with you?"

"Because I was seeing Sam behind Austin's back."

"Polly, yeah that wasn't great but you promised me that nothing happened with Sam and you are allowed to have male friends. Austin wasn't the right guy for you and this proves it."

"I know. Nothing happened with Sam, I swear I just wanted to spend time with him as a friend. We were always friends." She felt like she had to keep defending herself as far as Sam was concerned. "I felt like I made this mess and I needed to work my way out of it. I can't though, I don't want to be here anymore."

"Then let's get you out of here." Gus joined them and they packed up a few of her things. Adam had bought a couple of boxes and suitcases and they threw some things in, grabbed all her important files, computer and photos and most of her clothes, after Adam whinged again that it was ridiculous the amount of clothes she had and left.

There was still furniture to sort out but that could be done later and Adam told Polly in no uncertain terms that he would deal with it along with Gus. He agreed to let Polly call Austin and tell him that they would be back tomorrow for the rest of her stuff and Adam had taken photos of everything they would be back for. If they turned up tomorrow and shit was missing then all hell would break loose.

Kim was waiting for them. After she had talked to Gus she'd called Adam. "You need to go get Polly now." She slipped on her cop voice and ordered him around. Adam often teased her about her being higher ranking than him but she was only allowed to pull that card in the bedroom on this occasion though he let it slide.

"Hold up, I am just grabbing some boxes from the shed."

"Take some suitcases too. I don't want her going back there." Kim barely was listening to him. She was spinning out a little. She was at the hairdressers and if she wasn't half way through a colour she would have been out of there. "What the hell Adam?"

"I talked to Polly, Austin is being an idiot but she says he hasn't laid a hand on her."

"He better not have, you will need to hold me back if he has."

"Get in line."

"Why didn't she tell us?"

"I don't know." Kim could hear Adam crashing around and could tell he was desperate to get going. Adam knew precisely why Polly hadn't told them, because they had been annoyed with her for the stuff with Sam, Kim had made that very obvious.

"Do you want me to come and help?" She was going to be another hour or so and wasn't going to be the best client from here on in. She wanted them to hurry up.

"Nah, we'll get it done and see you at home. Love you Baby."

Kim flew out of the door when she saw Polly's car pull up. "Are you okay?"

She was already in tears. "I am." Polly really loved being hugged right now, all day it had either been Gus or her Dad and now her Mom. For weeks she had struggled at home with no support and suddenly being surrounded by her family was such a relief. Kim told her to leave her stuff in the car and Dad and Gus would bring it in. "Come inside Sweetheart." Kim grabbed her hand and led her inside the house.

"This is all such a mess."

"We will work it out."

"I thought I could handle it. I wanted to handle it."

"I know, but I wish you had told us."

"I couldn't."

"Then I am glad you told Gus." Kim sat down with Polly in the lounge while Gus and Adam started bringing her stuff in, bitching and moaning the entire time. "Why didn't you think you could come to us?"

"I thought you were angry with me."

Kim shook her head. "Polly I wasn't angry with you. I'm not going to lie I didn't really like how things played out but I wasn't angry with you."

"It was all so confusing. I couldn't stop myself from seeing Sam and I convinced myself that because we didn't do anything, that we just talked and that's all it was I swear…" Polly kept telling people that, hoping to convince them as well as herself. "…that I wasn't doing anything wrong. I didn't even kiss him, I wanted too." It all came rushing out, Polly had held so much in for so long she was like a volcano. "That last night if he hadn't asked me to tell him to stop I wouldn't have stopped and I know that was wrong. I wanted to be with Sam. I've talked to him, he told me that I needed to tell you what was happening or he would. He is worried about me."

"I like that, I like that Sam is worried. I like that someone was looking out for you. I don't like that he's on the other side of the world and he knew what was happening and we didn't."

"It wasn't like that Mom. Maya told him to call me." Polly felt defensive. "She went behind my back and told him to call me and he did and I couldn't lie to him, he wanted to know what was going on. He told me that I needed do something about it or he would."

"Okay. Anyway, what's done is done. You are here now and we will sort this all out eventually."

"It's just for a bit. I will find my own place."

"Polly you know you can stay as long as you like."

"I do, but I need to do this. For me." Kim was onto her though. There was a reason she wouldn't want to stay here too long. She didn't want to be here when Sam came back.

"You know, you're Dad isn't going to rant about broken furniture and sexcapades anymore. He's kind of accepted that both you and Gus have sex, seeing that you are adults and you have been living with your partners for quite some time now."

"Mom, geez. Sam and I haven't talked about anything like that. We said we wouldn't. I don't know what is going to happen if and when he comes back. I can't even think about that right now."

"Sure." She patted her hand; not believing a single word Polly was saying and pulled her up off the couch with her. "Now let's get all this stuff sorted."

"I can't keep running back home every time I fuck something up."

"Polly, that's what being a family is about. Your Dad and I will never turn you or Gus away. Just because you are adults now doesn't mean we love you any less or are less willing to help either of you." And Polly did know that, she just let her own stubbornness get in the way.

Things with Austin didn't go quite as smoothly as they hoped. He called Polly and screamed down the phone at her and basically told her that there was no way she was coming back to take anything else. Adam was having none of that bullshit though. There were things in that place that belonged to Polly, pieces of furniture that she'd bought or that had been given to her from her grandparents.

He soon relented when Adam got on the phone and told Austin exactly what was going on tomorrow. He was welcome to be there but they were coming and there was nothing he could do about it.

It was a little surreal to be sitting in her old bedroom, cross-legged on her bed talking to Sam. Not much had changed in here, it was basically still Polly's room and she did stay here on and off over the years. What she did love about it though was that it still felt like her old room even though they had repainted it several years ago and bought new furniture, although the fact it was currently piled up with all her crap helped make it feel like hers. There was a shoe box in the top of her walk in closet that she'd left years ago but begged her Mom not to throw it out. It contained some mementos of her relationship with Sam and she'd pulled it out earlier and gone through them.

It had been a long time since she had got them out, probably just after her split with Ethan and she wanted to wallow and remember a time when men weren't assholes and in reality Sam was probably the only guy she'd gone out with who didn't treat her like shit one way or the other. Still managed to break her heart though, they all did in the end.

"Hi." Polly gushed out; she was just about to hang up when she heard Sam grumble something into the phone.

"It's sweet to hear your voice. It's late there for you, I am just about to get up ready for work." He sounded a little groggy.

"Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, it's been a big weekend." He had told her that he was going on a weekend safari with some of his mates as a farewell and they had certainly hit it hard and he was feeling worse for wear when he crawled into bed last night.

"Did you have fun? I can call you later if you want."

He looked at the clock and decided he had time, or he would make time and skip breakfast just to talk to her. Adjusting his pillows he propped himself up against the headboard and tried to get comfortable, that wasn't about to happen though as his bladder was screaming at him. "No, now's good. I have half an hour. Just let me take a leak."

"Are you sure?" He was sure and he put the phone down and dashed to the bathroom while Polly waited. Polly wasn't sure if she should get into this now or wait until later but they probably weren't going to talk again for a few days though and eventually she knew Sam would bring it up. They hadn't talked since he'd told her she needed to get out of her place although she had messaged him to say that she was having breakfast with Gus. He took that as a good sign and he reminded her to ask Gus for help. "Hey, guess where I am?"

"Hopefully not out partying with some hot guy."

"Would you be jealous?"

"I wouldn't love it no, but nothing I can do about it is there?"

"Well I am not, I am in bed…"

"Do go on." They had flirted while he was here so why would it stop now? Nothing could happen while they were on two separate sides of the world and the telephone line seemed to help them navigate the water without any fear.

"At Mom and Dad's, in my old bedroom. It's weird to be talking to you here."

"Did you move back home?"

"Yes."

When her voice quivered a little he noticed it. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. When I had breakfast with Gus yesterday morning I asked him for help, that's what you wanted wasn't it?"

"It was." He had finally confessed to his buddies after more than a few drinks that he was in love with his ex and worried about her because she'd split with her boyfriend and he was being an asshole. They'd teased him but in the end they realised that Sam wasn't joking around with this one, he'd never talked about Vi the way he talked about her. When he first arrived he ran a little wild until Vi pinned him down to some degree, he never seemed quite settled though.

It was a relief to hear her voice now. He had wanted to call her the moment he got home but he fell asleep before he got the chance.

"He called Mom and Dad and Dad went nuts. He came over and they packed my stuff and basically wouldn't leave me there. Austin lost his shit and there was a big bun fight today when we went back to grab my furniture. He got a little close and Dad was fucking ropable. It's all sorted now though and I am back home living with the folks."

"Good."

"I wouldn't say good."

"Why not? At least I know you are safe now, that's a load off my mind."

"You were worrying about me that much."

"Out of my mind Polly." And that was the god's honest truth, he was worried about her and it had taken up a lot of his time thinking about how he was going to help her and protect her. She occupied a lot of his mind lately but he came to terms with it early on. "Hey, we had a lot of good times in that room."

"We did. Mom even bought up the bed-breaking thing yesterday. I knew I would never live that down." Polly did love that memory. It was a crazy day but Adam had dined out on that story for years. Most of her new boyfriends heard about it and it got more and more ridiculous every time he told it.

"I actually thought your Dad was going to hit me with the hammer that day."

"He was insane."

"And you riled him up, calling him Adam and telling him he was being a dick." Sam had been horrified when Adam and Polly went toe to toe and he felt like he was about to be caught in a meat grinder and he had never let her live it down.

"He was." Polly laughed. "And then Gus started on about blowjobs."

"Yes, the less said about that dinner the better but they were good times."

"What? The bed-breaking, my Dad being a dick or the blowjob you got later that night?"

"Do you want me to rank them?"

Polly giggled and it came a little weird. "I think I know what your number one would be?"

"Really. Tell me."

"No." Polly dropped her voice down low. "I know what I liked though."

Sam glanced at his clock and groaned. "Hey Polly, as nice as this chat is especially about blowjobs and all those very pleasant memories I really need to go."

"Okay. I just wanted to let you know that I am okay. Just so you aren't distracted when you are chasing Rhino's or giraffes or whatever."

"I appreciate it. I also hope you appreciate the fact I now need a cold shower. Hey sweet dreams and I will talk to you soon okay and we can hopefully continue this conversation then?" He signed off, threw his phone onto the bed and groaned as he threw back the sheets and realised he really needed either to take care of himself or take a really cold shower. Making a quick decision he grabbed his phone, found the photo he was looking for and took care of himself. That photo of her in the bikini really did it for him.

Polly found it hard to sleep. It had been a really tough day but she was glad it was now over, hopefully. Austin wasn't impressed when they turned up but he wised up pretty quickly and stood aside to let Adam and Gus in. They'd got hold of a van because they wanted to do it in one hit.

He wasn't making it easy though and made snide little comments about Polly and stood her way at every opportunity. "How's the boyfriend?"

"I don't have a boyfriend and after you I am not sure I want one."

"Have you told what's his face this?"

Polly wanted to slap him but thought better of it. He took a step closer and made Polly back up against a wall and placed one hand on the wall beside her head, at the very least he was trying to intimidate her and that was the precise moment that Adam lost his shit. "Take one more step." Her father's voice growled from behind him. "I dare you."

"I am not scared of you. You can't touch me." He didn't even look at Adam; he kept staring at Polly his face twisted into a slight grin.

"You touch her and see what'll I'd do." Adam was teetering and an angry Adam was a sight to behold. Polly was pretty sure Austin had no idea who he was baiting.

He looked at Polly and smirked. "I'm not scared of your Daddy."

"For a lawyer you are pretty fucking dumb. Get out of her way." He reached for Polly's hand and pulled her out of the room. "I find out you have contacted her, threatened her or even looked in her direction I won't hesitate."

"To do what?" Adam knew he was goading him into threatening him. He was starting to doubt how smart he actually was if he thought he was going to do anything to hang himself. He'd been playing this game longer than this idiot had been alive.

"Well, you see Austin there are these things called stalking laws, AVO's and I will get a Protection Order. You see I also know the law." Adam folded his arms across his chest and leant on the doorframe. "Polly isn't trying to make things hard for you. You've run your race, perhaps now you are regretting that you never really made the effort to love her like you should have. All she wanted was someone who cared enough about her to want to spend time with her, to support her in her dreams. You blew it. You had it all in front of you, all you had to do was love her and man, she was yours."

"What like some guy who she screwed ten years ago?"

"Don't blame Sam for your ineptitude. You were happy just to go with the flow and not even make and effort and now someone has stepped on your precious ego and you are butt hurt. I get it, but don't do anything you'll regret because an assault charge, a stalking charge or harassment charge are not the best thing for a lawyer to have hanging over their head. Trust me, CPD doesn't forget things like this. Polly has told you it's over, it's over."

"What would you know?"

"See…" Adam tapped his temple. "…if you knew Polly, really knew her you'd know exactly why I know this." Adam knew all this because he understood his daughter; he talked to her and listened to her. He was seriously surprised that Austin didn't know how close they were. Adam had always been Polly's confidant and she made no secret of that in the past. He was sure that she would have told Austin but in all likelihood he just wouldn't have paid any attention to it. Austin just couldn't be bothered with that as long as she looked good on his arm, the rest was irrelevant.

"So you are happy with her cheating."

"She never cheated on you man, she told him to back off because of you." Adam snorted a little. "But fuck man I am happy she's seen the light and dumped your sorry ass."

"Get her out of here. Take what you want and get out."

Polly never wanted it to end like this. She wasn't unhappy with Austin, not by a long shot but it had run it's race, it had mended her broken heart and provided her with stability and comfort when she was trying to put her life back together after having her heart broken by Ethan. To say that she used him would be unfair because they had some really good times but he just didn't make her gut churn and her heart race like Ethan had and like Sam did all those years ago. Sam taught her how to love and be loved and gave her the courage to chase after what she wanted. She wanted to be successful at her job, she wanted to honour Abbey and help other kids in the same situation. Polly didn't want anyone to have to go through not only what Abbey went through but what she, as her best friend went through.

Nobody should have to endure that.

Sam also showed her, along with her Dad and every other man that her parents let into their lives that if you surround yourself with the best people you can do, survive and achieve anything.

Ethan just gave her the encouragement she needed to continue to chase her dreams, he made her feel special and listened to her and wanted to be involved in her life. Still to this day she had no idea why he did what he did.

With Austin it felt like they were just existing in the same world, happy enough and able to enjoy the good times and until a few weeks ago he was never mean to her, he just let her do her own thing. The past few weeks hadn't been pleasant and Polly had been seriously blindsided by his attitude.

They say ' _hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'_ but it seemed neither did men. She got a series of abusive messages on her phone until she blocked him but they rattled her. She kept them though; her parents had at least taught her that, to keep things like that in case they were needed down the track.

Before she went to sleep she sent Sam a message. _'Thank you for always giving me the courage to just be me, to believe in me. It's been a long time since anyone has made me feel that being Polly Ruzek is a good thing.'_

When she woke up he had replied _. 'Being Polly Ruzek is a great thing. I love being in a world where Polly Ruzek is a thing.'_


	14. Long Distance Calls

_'Can I call you?'_ Sam had sent her a message late one night and when she looked at her clock it was nearly and he never called that late. They hadn't talked for a few days and Polly had missed him. Several times she had picked up her phone to call him only to realise the timing wasn't great. Trying to maintain some kind of relationship, however undefined it was had become a bigger challenge than she anticipated.

 _'Yes.'_

 _'Now?'_

 _'Yes.'_

Polly clutched the phone in her hand waiting for his call. "Hey."

"Sam, what's up? Are you okay?"

"I just needed to hear your voice."

"Really?"

"Yes, is that okay? I've been thinking about you and I am lying here with a hangover and I realised I don't want to be here anymore." He sounded so sad and Polly just wanted to jump on the next plane and drag him back home.

"I wish you were here too."

"Really?" Vulnerability in a man was very attractive, especially coming from someone who you knew was strong and capable. His ability to admit that he wasn't happy with his current situation and his willingness to let Polly know was endearing.

"Yes Sam, really."

"Okay. Tell me about your week."

"It's not very exciting."

"Tell me." He growled needily. He didn't need a lot from her right now but he just wanted to hear her talk. He needed to hear that she wanted to talk to him and that they could have a normal conversation, like they'd just got home from work and were talking about their day over dinner. He needed normalcy or at the very least he needed to know they could have normalcy.

Polly told him and he listened, commenting occasionally and he felt connected. "You want to tell me what this is about?" Polly caught him off guard when he'd been quiet for a while.

"Polly, I just needed things to feel normal."

"I don't understand Sam."

"I am here and you are not and I think about you all the time, what you are doing and I realised that I don't know. I don't know what you are thinking, how you are feeling or what your life looks like."

"I am thinking that I can't wait to see you again. I think about you coming home and I think about kissing you and so much more." Polly had promised herself that she wouldn't be like this, that she wouldn't sound desperate but she was. She couldn't wait any longer.

If Polly was surprised she'd said it, Sam was just as surprised to hear it. "You do?"

"Everyday. Sam I need you to come home."

"Polly what if it doesn't work?"

"Then I will be glad we tried. I can't imagine not trying. Sam I felt it, that night outside the Zoo I felt it." Her voice was very quiet. "Did you?"

"It killed me not kissing you."

"I know. I am glad you didn't though."

"Why?"

"Because I wouldn't have stopped." And that was the truth, if Sam hadn't had asked Polly wouldn't have pulled away, she would have gone home with him and that was not who they were. Polly may not been in love with Austin and she knew that she needed to end it but until she did they couldn't do a damn thing. She was not cheating on Austin even if she tried to rationalise it in her head that Sam didn't count because it was just catching up with an old friend. Polly had actually laughed at herself when that thought popped into her head, it was ridiculous and completely irrational and dishonest, but holy hell she wanted it.

"God Polly. Fuck."

They needed to get away from that conversation, it was too painful to dwell on the past and the what ifs. "When do you think you'll be back?"

"You keen to see me?" Sam wasn't about to make it easy for her though. "Get your hands on me?"

"A lady never tells."

"Another couple of weeks. My replacement isn't arriving until next week and part of the deal was I had to stay until I'd handed over." Sam rubbed his hand over his face wearily. He'd been pissed when they told him it had been delayed. They hoped for four weeks and it was now pushing out towards eight. Coupled with the fact he was already starting to get stuff sent to him from Chicago that he had to deal with so he was doing double duty. He heard the disappointment in her voice. "Are you worried I won't come back?"

"A little bit."

"I am coming home Polly."

"Good. Have you found somewhere to live?"

"I think so, it's not far from the zoo. How about you? Are you going to stay with your folks?" He wanted this more than anything, to know what was going on in her life, he had ten years to fill in while trying to make sure he knew where she was at right now.

"No, I am going out with Maya on the weekend to have a look."

"How is Maya?"

"Annoying."

"Why?"

"Oh Maya is a romantic and she thinks this is the ultimate love story." Polly's honesty was refreshing, she was happy to tell him what was going on in her head. Polly didn't hide from her feelings, not when she was talking with Sam. He was the only one she was honest with. Everyone else she brushed off with a hand wave and declared that she and Sam were just friends.

"It is."

"Is it really?"

"I'd like to think so, it's something Polly I know that much." It was the closest they'd got lately to having a conversation about their future together, the past few times they had chatted it was just about work and life in general. Sam had told her about a couple of his safaris and the work he'd done there. "I know I think about you a lot, and they are not always nice thoughts."

"Not nice?"

"Well, wrong turn of phrase. They are nice, they are fucking spectacular to be honest but they aren't PG rated that's what I meant."

"Oh."

"Can I tell you, I take my time and you are begging me to give it to you."

"Give me what?" She knew damn well what he was talking about.

"Me. You get me, all of me Polly."

Sam may have had her in the palm of his hand but his hands were half a world away and right now all they had were words. All they could do was talk…and dream.

And they lived for those phone calls.

 _'Happy Birthday.'_

Well it was now, even if it was only two minutes old. He wasn't the least bit surprised that Polly had sent him a message the moment the day ticked over in his part of the world. She'd been talking about his birthday for days.

 _'I wish I could celebrate with you.'_

 _'Call me later and you can.'_

Polly was literally hopping from foot to foot all afternoon desperately waiting for the clock to tick over midnight where Sam was so she could be the first to send him a message and then she'd have to wait all night to talk to him and getting to sleep took her longer than usual. Maya just laughed at her. "You are so going to have phone sex."

"I am not." Polly denied, a little too vehemently and blushed profusely. She wouldn't call what they did phone sex but the innuendo was certainly there and she just loved talking to him.

"Polly, if you aren't you should."

"It's just not like that. We are just keeping it as a friends type thing right now."

"Friends with benefits type thing?"

"Just friends." Polly tried to convince herself and anyone who asked that she didn't know what she wanted. The split with Austin had left her a little gun shy for a bit. He'd made accusations about her and Sam and she had even heard from some of their mutual friends that he was telling anyone who'd listen that she had dumped him for her childhood sweetheart and that she'd had an affair and he wasn't particularly nice about it either. It rattled her and put her on the back foot with Sam for a little while.

"What are you trying to say?" Sam finally got frustrated with Polly's rant about Austin and what people think and how she was embarrassed by it all.

"It's just all so confusing."

"What is?"

"Everything right now. I don't know what I am doing?"

Sam exhaled slowly. He expected this at some point. "Polly, what you are doing right now is talking to a friend, to someone who has cared about you for a long time."

"That's crap Sam, you don't just want to be my friend." Austin had been in her ear about Sam wanting to fuck her. He dropped it into almost every conversation and she couldn't shake the things he said about her the day they broke up, it was constant and it was wearing her down. And then he'd come home drunk and try and hit on her, grabbing her and groping her and asking her for a 'farewell fuck.' She hadn't told Sam all that yet and was pretty sure he'd lose his shit if she did. Actually she hadn't told anyone.

"I've always wanted to be your friend Polly, we were friends once and now that's all it is."

"You don't lie very well."

"The you tell me what it is, what's going on here?" This was typical Polly behaviour, well from what he remembered anyway. "You tell me what you want from me. Do you want me to back off?"

Polly's voice was very quiet and he could tell that he'd upset her. "Yes." But it was still a kick in the guts.

"Okay…" he was clearly pissed and Polly knew it. "…just so we are clear, this is what you want, you asked for it. I don't want to back off but I will because I care about you, perhaps too much right now and I just want you to be happy." He certainly emphasised the word 'you' every time he spat it out. She wasn't going to come back and say that he walked away when it got hard; Sam was going to make damn sure of that. It wasn't what he wanted at all and he knew it wasn't what Polly wanted but she had to deal with it in her own way and he had to have faith that she'd come back.

"I want that too. I just need some space. I keep making stupid decisions." The stupidest of them all was saying No to Sam while he was here. He didn't take it that was though; he took it to mean that spending time with him was a mistake.

Sam was annoyed and frustrated. Why did she always do this? Why did she always want to turn away from those who loved her most? "Polly, do what you have to do. Maybe when I get back you'll give me a call."

"You are never coming home?"

"Catch you later." Sam hung up on her.

Sam threw his phone on the table and ran his hands roughly over his face and head. He forgot about the frustrating habit Polly had of pushing people away. In the past he had learnt that the hard way but you had to give her some rope, unfortunately at times she used it to twist in the wind.

Sam was pissed off with himself because that's what he felt like he'd just done. Left her to twist in the wind and it was the last ting he wanted to do but he knew he couldn't hang on too tight either.

He went for a long run, because that at least made him thing of something else, like how much his lungs were burning. And then he hit up Jonah and his fiancée for dinner and had far too many wines to dull the ache.

Instead of contacting Polly, which he wanted to do he posted a photo on Instagram that he had taken on his run. It was just the wide-open landscape and the endless road in front of him. And in his drunken state he added. _'Stop thinking the road ahead is full of potholes. Don't stop believing in yourself, don't stop following your heart, it never lies.'_

She liked it almost immediately but didn't reply. It was something at least and he knew she was smart enough to get it.

Two days later he got a message. _'I miss you and I miss talking to you, I don't want to stop following my heart, I like where it is leading me.'_ Polly was lying to herself, she knew what she wanted and it was half a world away in Kenya.

He called her that night and they hadn't stopped since.

As soon as Sam sent her a message to let her know he was home she called him. "How is the birthday boy? Happy 30 Sam."

He been out for dinner and he was anxious to leave once he knew that Polly would be up. Juggling the time zones was a little challenging as they were on complete opposite sides of the world but he knew that she was up so he made sure he was home in time to talk to her. Sometimes it was that other way around and Polly would call him as she was going to bed and he was just getting up. "I am a little shocked to be honest. I never thought I'd be 30, it seemed so far away just a few years ago."

"Where did you think you'd be at 30?"

"Not sitting talking to you, that's for sure."

"I hope it's not a low point?"

"Highlight of my day so far. I've been looking forward to it all day." And that was the god honest truth; he'd already talked to his family, been out for lunch with work and had dinner with some friends. "I am still waiting for my present though, I had high hopes."

"What were you hoping for?"

"You." He flat out said whatever was on his mind now and Polly never pulled him up.

"I wish I was there to help you celebrate."

"Oh…" His voice was a little husky and she could tell he'd been drinking, "…and I would celebrate with you trust me. I'd celebrate long and hard."

"I did buy you something but you have to come home and get it."

"I really hope it's something that you look good in…or out of, that would be the perfect present for me." And when he was a little drunk he was very flirty.

"Nope. I'm not really sure what you'd like."

"I can send you a list, or I can just tell you now?" Sam sucked in a breath. "It starts with you being naked…."

"Cool your jets." As much as Polly tried to rein him in, she did like it when he wasn't even subtle with his innuendo and flirting. Although calling it innuendo was a stretch, nothing was hinted at Sam just told her what he wanted.

"Too late, you've got me up and about and I am firing on all cylinders."

"Perhaps you should have stayed out and celebrated a bit longer."

"Nah, I really wanted to talk to you." Sam stretched out on his sofa. "So talk to me."

"It's your birthday, tell me about your day. I want to know."

Sam filled her in. They were in such a good groove right now and could just talk for hours. Sometimes the chats were short or they'd go days without talking and just messaging but they were in some kind of contact every day or so. "And I hope tonight I get another present."

"What else could you possibly want?"

"Well one thing, but that's not happening so I will just have to dream about it."

"Me?"

"You." He agreed. "Ahhhhh Polly. I miss you." He sounded a little whiny.

"Are you worried?"

"About what?"

"This, it's all well and good over the phone and to think about it and want it and dream about it when you know you can't have it but what if that all changes and you come back and we don't work anymore. Like maybe we have this skewed memory of how good we were together and that's gone now. What if we go back and then look at each other and think 'wow' were we really that bad together."

"Polly, what are you talking about?"

Polly was frustrated, he could hear it and she even admitted to Maya, eventually that yes she was sexually frustrated. "Everything. Like everything."

"Sex?"

"Well not just that, but yes that too." He was finding her rambling a little cute if not confusing.

"Do you honestly think we were bad?" Sure in the beginning they didn't set the world on fire, but what teenagers did, they were young and just learning about sex but it was never bad. "Do you have sex with Austin or whoever and think jeez that shit I did with Sam way back then was awful? I certainly don't."

"No, I don't. Not really." Polly stuttered. "Well I like to think that I've got better."

"I always thought you were pretty fucking good to be honest. I loved having sex with you." Sam laughed a little. "Polly, I'd like to think we've both learnt some stuff that will come in very handy one day soon."

"You do?"

"What? Think I've learnt something or that I think one day soon I will get to try it out."

"The one day soon thing."

"I am counting the days." They both had times of uncertainty and doubt, when they started to question the validity of what they were doing. Fortunately it was always at different times so they could wax and wane a little, when Polly had doubts Sam was sure and when he worried about things Polly pulled him back into line. "Do you dream about me?"

"Yes." She whispered quietly.

"And?"

"Sam I really want you to come home."

"I'll be home soon Polly, I promise."


	15. Cherries

Polly was focussed. She had just finished a case report and was triple checking it. That was an annoying habit she had. Only once had she not checked something and luckily her Dad had pointed out her error before she went to court because her error would have had the case thrown out. Now she was obsessive with her case reports. Working for Child Protection had been an eye opener for Polly. She realised a long time ago how lucky in life she had been. Her and Gus had the luxury of good strong parents who supported them, loved them and believed in them, they also grew up in a house that was filled with laughter and love. She believed that every child deserved that.

Her flurry of work was related to one thing, Sam. He was coming home next week and she wanted to clear the decks and it also served the purpose of keeping her distracted because the wait was excruciating.

Her phone ringing made her jump.

"Where are you?"

"Sam?"

He could hear the surprise in her voice and that's precisely what he was hoping for, he'd rather that than disappointment. "Yes, where are you?"

"At home."

"Pack a bag." She was taken aback at how abrupt he was and how desperate he sounded. "I'm waiting outside."

"Really? Where are you? Back in Chicago?" Polly squealed a little. "Outside my place?"

"Polly, just do it. Yes I am outside your place, pack an overnight bag and come down. You won't regret it."

She threw a few things in a bag and changed out of her sloppy shorts and t-shirt, it was impulsive which was unlike her and most probably the stupidest thing she'd ever do and her heart was racing by the time she ran down the stairs and found Sam waiting for her, leaning on the side of his car. He took her breath away in his jeans and white t-shirt, his hair was a little wild and he was tanned and he looked like he'd just crawled out of bed. "Do I need to leave a note in case I don't come back? Leave a trail of breadcrumbs?" Sam grabbed the bag from her hand and threw it in the back of the car and held the door open for her.

"Might be wise." As he held open the door for her he reached for her hand and dragged his fingers over her palm and it made her knees weak. It was such a simple thing that he did but how she had missed it and craved it?

It didn't take Polly long to work out where they were going. He was taking her to the Summer House. It had always been a place they loved and spent a lot of time up there together, with his family and with their friends. Sam had taken her there early in their relationship and Polly was happy to hear that his parents still owned the place. "When did you get back?"

"Late last night."

"Oh."

"Are you upset that I didn't call or tell you I was coming?" He took his eyes off the road briefly. God she was beautiful. The past seven weeks had only served to intensify his feelings and really solidify in his mind that this was something he wanted and needed to chase until the end of the rainbow.

"No. I thought you weren't back for another few days."

"Change of plans. It was last minute, all of a sudden things fell into place and it was a week earlier than planned. I wanted to surprise you, are you surprised?"

"Yes."

"Good surprised or bad surprised?"

"Good."

"I've thought about you a lot." Sam admitted. "I spent 30 hours travelling home thinking about you and the past seven weeks."

"And what did you decide?" While they had talked a lot and even that got pretty intense a few times, seeing each other face to face was a whole new kettle of fish and they were both keen to see where this was going to go. They had to look each other in the eye and figure it out.

"I'm here right now Polly. What do you think?"

"Tell me."

"This is where I want to be but I'm worried that this is just trying to recapture the past, a past that I never regretted. Not once." He was certain that they needed to try; Polly had convinced him of that.

"Even though we went our separate ways?"

"We had to Polly."

"I know." Polly hooked one foot under her thigh and turned to face him. "How did you know I would come with you?"

"I just knew."

"You never lacked confidence."

"Not when it comes to you. Do you want to turn around? Perhaps this is rushing things and we are just being crazy."

"No, it's not." Polly rested her hand on his thigh and he felt it burning through his jeans. "Well it's a little crazy but I have a great feeling and I like being crazy with you. I want to be crazy with you."

"So do I. I do have one regret though."

"What's that?"

"That I didn't kiss you before you got in the car." He was so desperate to kiss her. It had been seven weeks since she stopped him outside the zoo and he ached for her, which was exactly why he was doing what he was doing right now. He knew what was going to happen as soon as they got to the Summer House so kissing her outside her place would have only delayed this and the build up, while it was excruciating it was quite a thrill, the anticipation had been building in him since he got on that plane and it took all his willpower not to get the taxi to drop him off at her place last night. Nothing was stopping this now. He was coiled tight and one kiss was going to make him explode.

"Good things come to those who wait." Polly leant across and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. "Really good things." She whispered and he tightened his grip on the steering wheel and resisted the urge to put his foot down and get them there in record time.

"Just to get this out of the way." Sam started carefully, running his thumb back and forth over her knuckles holding her hand steady against his thigh, there was no way she was removing it, he liked the slow drag of her fingertips on his inner thigh. "How have you been the past week? Any dramas? Anything I should know?" They hadn't talked for a couple of days, only messaged because Sam told her he was flat out handing over to the new guy and finalising things so he could come home. Polly was also moving into her new place this week so they were both kept busy.

"No dramas, I am all settled in now." She had found herself a small one-bedroom apartment, and while she didn't love it, it was good enough and certainly better than living with her parents. Austin was finally starting to back off and leave her alone, it had taken him a while to get the hint and she suspected a call or visit from her Dad put the final nail in the coffin although he admitted to nothing. "I am fast tracking my application to become a crazy cat lady who one day someone will find me three weeks dead on the floor with my fourteen cats feasting on my face."

Sam burst out laughing. "That's a very Ruzek type answer."

"Austin has calmed down. He feels like he won I guess. He has given up the lease now though so it was all just a power play for him, not that I could afford that place on my own anyway. New beginnings though, I still need to get a few things, my place is bare." Polly closed her eyes. It had been physically and emotionally exhausting dealing with all this and she tried to do it on her own. "I'm glad its over now."

"I should have stayed away from you."

"Why? I don't think either of us wanted that." Polly rolled her head to face him and opened her eyes as she squeezed his leg lightly. "He kept asking about you? He even tried to get into my phone at one stage. I caught him with it when he was at the apartment being a dick. He kept on about you at the dinner."

"I guess I didn't hide my feelings for you very well did I?"

"Apparently not." Polly ran her hand up and down his leg and she saw that grip tighten again. She was seriously pushing him to the edge and she was enjoying watching all the emotions flit over Sam's face. "What feelings?" She enjoyed watching him because she thought he was beautiful. His dark hair and eyes had always been like magnets for her, his easy smile had the ability to soothe her and excite her, the touch of his hand steadied her when she needed it and sent her tumbling over many an edge when they were alone. She craved him then and she was desperately craving him now. He was more tanned now, the benefits of working outside in a hot country no doubt and he seemed more muscular. She had noticed that the first time she saw him again but now it was suddenly a little overwhelming.

"I don't know Polly, I've tried to figure it out but there is something I just can't shake. My gut, my head, my heart, everything is all telling me that I need to see where this goes."

"Mine too." That was precisely how Polly felt and it was scary and exciting. "Why didn't you tell me about your ex girlfriend? You'd just broken up when you came back?" For all the talking they had done Sam never talked about his ex until things got way out of control there too.

"We did. Violetta was upset when I told her I was taking the job in Chicago and that it was basically over. Don't get me wrong, I did like her and we were having fun but I think Vi thought it was a lot more serious than it actually was. I'd called it off before I left and she didn't take it well and I'll admit I was a little blindsided by that. I was well and truly single when I got back and when I did call it off I had no idea that I'd see you again and that this would happen. That's not why I did it. You were not the reason I came back to Chicago but you are one of the reasons I am so happy that I did."

Sam had told her this before but having the conversation face to face was much more intense than over the phone. She watched his face as he spoke, trying to learn how to read him again. "I have a confession." Polly chuckled a little. "I stalked her Insta and saw the pictures of you and her and I got a little jealous and thought that you hadn't been honest with me but then I hadn't been all that open with you either. If Austin hadn't come to the ball I don't think I would have said anything, not right then because you were leaving. I also saw the one she posted about her broken heart and all those comments so I figured that you'd broken up and I had no reason to be angry or upset at you."

That had been a bit of a slap in the face. She'd gone on a little rant about how he'd broken her heart and then when he had returned and she obviously saw some of the new comments on his page she had gone off the deep end about another woman and had left bitter messages on Maya's account, whom had never kept her account private. The fact that she had suddenly started commenting on Sam's posts and he had replied to some of hers fuelled her anger. She assumed that Maya was the one involved. Polly never considered herself as the other woman, that was not who she was or who she wanted to be.

"I think she thought that when I got back I'd realise how much I missed her and change my mind. She didn't take it well, I am sorry about the shit she put on Maya's page. I told her to back off." Sam had also messaged Polly and asked her to make sure she kept her account private. It was all a little confronting and made Polly think twice about what they were doing but she just couldn't stay away from him.

"I don't want to be the other woman Sam."

"You are not. Nothing happened before I left Polly and I know if you hadn't said no on that last night it would have and that wouldn't have been fair on you. I knew about Austin but I needed you to tell me to stop, that was the only thing that was holding me back, the fact you were in a relationship. I wasn't, I had no reason to stop and I didn't want to stop but you did. That's not who you are Polly, I knew that. This is not your fault."

"It felt like it was. She obviously knew something had changed though when you got back. What did you tell her?"

"Nothing about you."

"I don't know what to think about that. You were hiding me, or ashamed?"

"I guess I was hiding you because I wanted to protect you, once I saw how feral she got I needed to protect you. I am sorry you saw all that. Now, let's get back to something you said earlier…" Sam didn't want to talk about Vi; he wanted to talk about them. "You were jealous? Cute."

"This is crazy Sam."

"It is. I thought we agreed, we like crazy."

When Sam dropped her off at home after the ball they agreed that they wouldn't be in contact with each other and they both had the space to do whatever they needed to do and Sam knew it was up to her. It didn't work out like that though although Polly never commented on any of his Instagram posts, she only ever liked them but they messaged each other privately. Polly occasionally posted something, which he always commented on but it was never personal and it was only the occasional post.

But they did talk a lot. Not initially but once Maya had told him to call Polly the dam wall broke and they were in contact one way or the other every day.

"I bought you something." Sam broke into her reminiscing. She'd fallen quiet a few minutes ago as she stared out the window at the rapidly changing scenery. The sun was streaming through the windows was warm and soothing and just being here was enough. The thought of spending the next two days together was equally nerve-wracking and thrilling and the anticipation was killing her. They could have just gone back up to her place and fallen into bed together but this, having a few hours just to talk was exactly what they needed. Sex would be easy and very satisfying but building a relationship from the ground up was strangely much more challenging and exciting. "It's on the back seat."

Polly reached around and grabbed the box and blushed when she opened it. If she was under any illusions about what they were doing or about to do the contents of the box gave it away. Grabbing one of the cherries she held it up by the stalk, tilted her head back and dropped it into her mouth, sucking away the sweet flesh and leaving the pip attached. She was very aware that Sam was watching her from the corner of his eye as he drove.

"Good?"

"So good. You want one?"

"I want to watch you eat another one." Polly did as he asked. "God Polly, you have any idea how fucking crazy you are making me?" She leant closer and popped one in his mouth, holding onto the stem until he spat it out.

"You started this."

The closer they got to the Summer House the more the tension rose, it was just out and out sexual tension. Polly drew circles on the palm of his hand and as he tried to concentrate on the road. "Oh, it looks exactly the same." Polly leant forward and peered through the windscreen when Sam turned off the main road and up the driveway. Nothing had changed, except them. They had changed.

"I love this place." Polly ran her hand along the back of the couch as she walked further away from Sam once he had unlocked the door and let her in. "We had some good times here."

"Pol." He used the nickname that felt as familiar as the house and when she turned around he was right there. He was not waiting one more minute. He knew, right back when she didn't get in that car with her friend but walked towards him instead that this was always going to happen. "Tell me to stop?"

His lips just hovered over hers, his warm breath tickled her cheek and he waited.


	16. Second Time Around

"Don't Stop."

The kiss was like coming home. It started soft and gentle but soon turned needy and passionate. Sam's hands were tangled in her hair and when she slipped her hands under his shirt he wanted to swallow her whole. "Oh God. I've missed you." He muttered between kisses. "I want you, I need you."

She pushed him away and grabbed his belt buckle, her fingers brushing over his skin and he sucked in a deep breath. "Slow down Baby." Squatting slightly Sam picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist, grateful that she was wearing a dress so his fingers could dig into her thighs and headed towards the bedroom and Polly was holding his face, now she had kissed him again, she wasn't about to stop. He needed to feel her skin, he needed to lose himself in her, he couldn't think straight and nothing else mattered right now. If this was crazy he didn't care, he was going to explode if he didn't have her.

Laying her gently on the bed he knelt over her as she wiggled back. Sam ran his hand up her thigh, under her dress and over her stomach. "You know, when I saw you in that blue dress I think I stopped breathing. You were exceptionally beautiful that night and I just wanted to touch you. I want to touch you now."

"I dressed for you, I wanted you to see what you were missing. I knew you'd understand why I wore blue, you always understood me."

"I already knew what I was missing, I was aching for you. It was perfect though." he tugged on her the hem of her dress. "Can I take this off?"

Polly just sat up and lifted her arms over her head and let Sam slip it over her head and toss it aside.

"Fuck Polly." Sam growled as he trailed a row of kisses down her chest, when Polly had changed quickly before they left home she didn't put a lot on, just her dress and panties. He captured her nipple and Polly moaned as she gripped the back of his neck. She wrestled his shirt off, forcing him to break contact with her momentarily.

Polly rolled him over and sat astride him, her hands resting on his bare chest. He was more muscular than she remembered and had a slight tan but he was a man now and she couldn't get enough. Her fingers tingled as they moved slowly over his firm muscles. She had dreamed of this, of running her hands over him and trying to absorb him through her fingertips. He watched her quietly, his hands roaming over her back as she kissed his chest, tracing his well-defined muscles with her tongue. "I've missed you. I missed touching you, I've dreamed of touching you everyday."

She rocked against his hand as he started to stroke her, slipping one finger under the leg of her panties and he sighed as her eyes fluttered closed. "You feel good. So good."

"Sam." Her voice was so needy as he watched her face and he bought her to the edge before stopping suddenly and Polly's eyes flew open.

"You okay?"

"No." She clawed at his jeans. "You need to get these off." They were both so far gone that the games were over, they were done with the flirting and the innuendo, they were done with the foreplay. Sam lifted his hips as Polly pushed them down over his hips and jumped off the bed so she could discard his jeans and they tumbled back onto the bed completely naked.

"Sam." Polly gasped as he flipped her onto her back and watched her face for any sign of hesitation and when he saw none he was inside her before they could take a breath; Polly's eyes widened a little and he paused and savoured the moment. Suddenly all hell broke loose and they both lost control. It was wild, uninhibited and passionate and he held on until he felt Polly start to lose it.

"Breathe Baby." He growled in her ear and she relaxed dug her fingers into his thighs and arched her back and let him finish and within minutes he was exploding inside her, gruffly telling her how perfect she was. They were hot and sweaty, naked and in heaven. It was almost three months of sexual tension, desire and angst crashing into each other and it was reliving decade old moments of lust, love and memories and when they all converged it was wild, passionate, hot, messy and they were left breathless.

"Pol." Sam was kissing her neck. "God Polly that was crazy, so fucking crazy. That was…."

"Welcome home Sam."

They lasted another twenty minutes, twenty minutes of very little talking but a lot of touching, stroking and exploring each other's bodies before Sam was back inside her, her legs wrapped around his waist so that she could have all of him, like he promised her she would. Like he imagined that night at the zoo.

Polly was now stretched out on top of him, she'd wiggled down a little so that her arms were folded across his chest as she rested her chin on her hands stared up at him as he ran one hand up and down her spine. "I can't remember the last time I felt like this." He couldn't stop smiling.

"Like what?"

"Just so completely content. I just don't want to be anywhere else or even move. I just don't care about anything." He struggled to find the words and wasn't sure content was the right one but in lieu of anything else he went with it.

"It's nice isn't it? You weren't disappointed?"

"No. I was kind of blown away actually. That was better than I remembered or even imagined."

"You don't feel like now this has happened we've scratched the itch and now reality is a little different?"

"What are you trying to say Polly?" There was a subtle change in his voice, a minute ago it was warm and comforting but now it had an edge to it. "Do you think I just did it for the thrill of the chase?"

"No, I hope not." She edged herself up until she was almost face to face with him. "I'm scared though."

"Of what?"

"That I want to tell you that I love you and you'll think it's crazy and too soon and…." Sam stopped her by placing his hand over her mouth.

"You are incredible, sexy, beautiful, funny, sweet and I love being with you. Since that first night at the bar, when we had those drinks I realised how easy it was going to be to love you again. I didn't even try and fight it because I didn't want too. Loving you is so easy and I would have fought tooth and nail for you. Not being with you is too hard and I don't want that anymore. I don't want to live another ten years trying to find the one, when I have her. Right here, right now, lying naked on top of me is the one person I was built to love."

"Really?" She didn't even bother to wipe away her tears.

"Yes Polly, you are it for me. I spent the last two months coming to terms with the fact that you are it." Sam ran her hands down over her back and pulled her closer. "And I will prove it to you."

"You don't need to prove it. I feel it."

"What else can you feel?" He grabbed her hips and pulled them down so that Polly could feel exactly what he was talking about. She had it all, his heart, his head and his body.

This time it was slow, exquisitely slow, an agonisingly passionate climb to the top of the mountain and they hit the peak at the same time and it blew their minds.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"What?" They were going for a swim down the beach having eventually dragged themselves out of bed. Polly had a hunch that Sam was bringing her here so threw in a bathing suit just in case. She grabbed one she knew he'd appreciate and a light kaftan and had got dressed while he hunted around for some towels.

"I recognise that."

"Really?" she swatted his hand away as he tried to grab hold of her. "This old thing?" Polly stopped and swung her hips seductively as she slipped the kaftan over her head. It was the bikini from the photo that Sam loved, the one of her from the boat, the one that had kept him company many a night recently.

"I like old things, particularly old lovers." It was just as impressive in real life as it was in a photo. He imagined her body beneath the small scraps of orange material on those lonely nights when the very thought of touching her got him all hot and bothered and although he had just spent the few hours 'inspecting' every inch of her and he'd been very thorough, this just blew his mind.

Not that Polly was any less impressed with his body either. Being a runner had honed his body, it wasn't the tightly packed streamlined body that Austin possessed but it was tanned and muscular and he definitely sported a tidy six pack. His trunks barely hung from his hips and that deep gorgeous V was very distracting and she'd spent a bit of time tracing the path of that with her lips and tongue. "Not all old lovers I hope?"

"Nope, just you."

As they got closer to the water's edge Polly tossed aside her kaftan just as Sam picked her up, threw her over his shoulder and unceremoniously dumped her in the water. She came up spluttering and laughing and grabbed hold of both his legs and pulled them out from under him sending Sam crashing into the oncoming wave. She hadn't laughed this hard in a long time, doing something childish and fun wasn't really ever on the agenda and she'd missed it. Her and Austin did have fun, more so in the beginning but he was much more serious and would never have put up with being dumped and splash and climbed on in the water. Polly was on Sam's back, her legs around his waist and clinging tightly to his neck and she didn't let go quickly enough when he dived into a wave.

Sam came up spluttering as Polly pushed him away and swam towards the beach. She jumped on his back and let him carry her back to the house where they stood under the outdoor shower and washed the salt water from each other's bodies and it wasn't long before Sam had one of Polly's legs up over his hip and her hands pinned above her head as they screwed outside under the shower. It was all a little wild and very hot and they didn't care.

"Are you hungry?" Sam held her steady against the wall until she found her feet again. "I'm hungry." He handed her a towel and wrapped the other one around his own waist and picked up his long discarded swimming trunks and Polly's bikini bottoms.

"Starving. You bought food right?"

"I bought cherries."

"Hardly sustainable."

"I'll go get us something. I doubt there is anything here, Mom and Dad haven't been up her for a month or two I think." They didn't get up here all that much anymore and he knew his sister hadn't been up either. It was such a rash decision he made when he woke up that morning to come up here and apart from stopping for fuel and cherries he hadn't grabbed anything else.

When Sam headed out Polly had a quick shower and hunted around for some candles. It was too warm for a fire although that was what she always loved about coming up here; the amount of time they sat in front of the fire, talking, laughing, reading, playing games and obviously having sex. It had so many good memories attached to it. It was the place that Sam really made her grow to love and embrace their burgeoning relationship, where he bought her to re-set herself and it was also the last place they had been together before he came back to Chicago and told her that they needed to move on. It seemed appropriate that they were back here now.

"Oh so this is a romantic dinner?" Sam chuckled when he spotted the candles as he came back carrying a pizza box and a bag of groceries. Polly took the pizza from him as he set the bags down and pulled out a bottle of champagne. "To celebrate."

"Celebrate what?"

"Hands down the best few hours of sex I've ever had."

"Do you want me to blow them out?"

"I'd rather you blow me."

Polly gasped and then laughed. "You just managed to turn romance into sleaze."

"Do you want romance?" Trapping her against the bench with his arms either side of her Sam kissed her behind her ear and started trailing his kisses down her neck.

"It might be nice. I haven't been romanced in a long time."

"I will romance you, I promise but maybe not tonight." She spun around and Sam took a step closer, pushing his hips into hers.

"I thought you said you were hungry?" Polly dug her fingers into his hips and pushed him away. "Let's eat." She grabbed the bottle of champagne and two glasses and walked back into the lounge, swinging the bottle from her fingertips while Sam bought the pizza. "And celebrate."

Considering they couldn't keep their hands off each other they actually spent a couple of hours just talking. There were always touching though and they were very aware of each other's bodies and the close proximity of each other, it would have been easy and very enjoyable to just keep having sex but it had to be about more than just that.

For a while Polly laid with her head in his lap and told him about the rest of her 'family', what everyone was up to now. Max Halstead was currently a father to four kids from three different mothers. "Kate is beside herself and Jay is always scrapping with him. He's just throwing his oats around willy nilly." Polly waved her arms wildly and Sam realised how much he missed these moments as well as all the more interactive ones. "He seems to shack up with a girl, knock them up, hangs around for a few months after they are born and then moves on. He had his first kid when he was nineteen. He's been with Melody now for about three years and they have two, Cora who is two and Angelique who is nearly one. He's got four girls and I think he's going to keep going until he gets a boy. Joey basically hightailed it out of there and joined the Rangers and Riley is at the Academy. Those two are straight as an arrow, but Max, wow off the reservation."

As she talked Sam touched her, his hand was always moving and Polly melted beneath his constant loving attention. "Wow, bet your Mom and Dad are glad it's him and not Gus."

"Oh, you should have heard the lecture Gus got about condoms after that. It was epic, Dad was in full rant." Polly was now impersonating her Dad and her face was alive. "You better make sure you double wrap it, never trust a woman. Mom was so pissed with him; I think Gus was actually scared for him that day, like he almost popped a gasket."

"Poor Gus."

"Poor Gus nothing, I got a full hour long lecture too."

"If it was anything like the day we broke the bed it would have been epic." He ran a hand through her hair. Polly closed her eyes and enjoyed Sam's attention. "Let me take you to bed."

"I'm not tired."

"Never mentioned sleep."

He was vaguely aware of the weight shifting beside him, the hand on his back, the warm skin pressed against his. The hand was moving slowly and deliberately and it bought him out of his slumber. "Good Morning." he mumbled and then he felt her lips on his shoulder.

"Did I wake you?"

"Yes."

"Good." Sam rolled over and the kiss he received was sweet.

"You know this was always the moment I loved the most."

"What?" Polly propped herself up on one elbow and used her other hand to trace his collarbone. Just the feeling of him under her fingertips was intoxicating and she couldn't get enough.

"Just those first few moments in the morning. I remember the first morning I woke up with you and you were so heartbroken and I just loved being there with you. I would've have hated for you to be alone."

"It wasn't a great start was it?" Polly's hand started travelling further down over his stomach and Sam didn't take his eyes off her face. "Let me fix that."

"Our second first time."

"The second first time yesterday wasn't too shabby either."

Sam just let her go, it wasn't going to take much to get him going. "Two different occasions, equally as life changing."

It took a while before Sam managed to crawl out of bed and make a cup of tea for Polly and a coffee for himself. He had picked up a few groceries when he went out for pizza last night and bought in to strawberries, yoghurt and toast. Polly sat cross-legged as Sam stretched out beside her. "I don't want to go back to reality."

"Why not?"

"I'm still scared."

"About?" he took a sip of his coffee and sat up a little. They had decided not to really talk about what the next few days and weeks looked like initially preferring to focus on the here and now.

"What we are doing?" He frowned a little. "Or more precisely what we do now."

"What do you want to do?"

"See you, all the time."

"But….." He knew there was a but; it was the way she cocked her head and chewed on her bottom lip.

"You know what it's like when you are trying to figure things out in your head and people keep at you for answers or feel like they have to give an opinion."

Sam waved his hand back and forth between them. "You don't have this figured out?"

"Do you?"

"Not really no, but I do want to really try and figure it out. That's all I am sure of."

"It's the only thing that makes sense right now. When I am with you I feel like things make sense. It's when you are not here that I start to doubt myself."

"I am here now. I am a phone call away. We are in the same city, in the same world again." She was still chewing on her bottom lip and he noticed that she was trying to stop it quivering as she nodded. "Polly this is right, you know it is."

He took the cup of tea from her hands and set it down next to his coffee before pulling her down into his arms as she burst into tears. "Don't cry Baby, please don't cry."

"I'm scared Sam I don't think I can lose you again. I can't do it."

"Hey, hey I'm not going anywhere." He kissed the top of her head as it rested on his chest, the warm trickle of tears was hard to ignore. "I am here and I am here to love you again, to be with you, make you laugh and cry. I am here to wine you and dine you and romance you, and maybe just fuck you too."

She laughed despite herself. "I want this so badly Sam, I don't want to fuck it up again."

"Again?" He rolled back a little so that he could see her face. "When did you ever fuck it up?"

"I almost did once."

"Such a long time ago Polly, that was a whole different world and a whole different time. We were kids then and we went through some serious shit. We didn't know what we were doing and we didn't always get it right, it's the chance to do that now."

"It still scares me."

"Can I tell you a secret?" He waited until she nodded; they both sat up a little. "I'm terrified. I didn't want to get back on that plane without you; I almost called you and begged you to come with me. I was crazy, that night after the dinner I didn't sleep at all. I hated dropping you off at your house and thinking about you going home to him. I wanted to take you home with me."

"Sam."

He kept going, he needed to get this all out now before his courage faltered or his rational mind took over. This was crazy, he knew it but he also knew it was right. "Polly, Yesterday morning I woke up and all I knew was that I needed to see you, to be with you and you've no idea how long I stood outside your place trying to call you. What if you weren't home? What if you said no? Coming back to Chicago makes sense to me now. I had no great desire to come back, I didn't ask for this job they came to me and I wasn't sure why I said yes and then I saw you and I know why now. I hid you, in my heart I just hid you and but you are here and alive and in my world and I feel like the last ten years suddenly make sense. We had to be apart so we could grow and live and love. Letting go of you makes sense now; I did it so when I came back to you I could know how to love you properly and completely. I don't want to hide from you anymore."

"I want to get it right?"

"It is right. Man, when I kissed you, Polly it was everything I dreamt it would be, it was everything I wanted and needed. I can't explain how that made me feel because I don't have the words."

"You just did." It was chaotic, irrational and absolutely perfect. "Sam, I feel like we can do this."

"So do I."

"I didn't want to let you go." Polly didn't seem to even hear him. "When you dropped me off that night, I didn't want to let you go, I was upset because I wanted you to ask me to come home with you and you didn't, you didn't even kiss me and I wanted that and I know it was wrong. I couldn't ask you to put yourself in that position because I knew you would." She was rambling a little. "I was confused, those two weeks confused me because I shouldn't have felt the way I did when I was with you but I did and I loved it and I didn't want it to stop. Maya said something about you wanting to 'peg' me on the bonnet of your car and Sam, I wanted that too."

"I did want that and I know you did, I felt it."

"This; though is better." She ran a hand over his chest. "I know this is right, I know it. I can feel it."

"Baby, you don't need to sound so desperate. I'm here."

"Be patient with me."

"Patient?"

"Sam, I'm freaking out. I'm worried what people will think, I'm worried that you will leave again, I am worried that this is just a dream."

"It is a dream Polly, it is our dream and it's very real and very exciting." He crept forward and pushed Polly down onto the mattress and certainly didn't leave her wondering what he wanted. He may not have got to 'peg' her on the bonnet of his car, but he absolutely 'pegged' her on the bed.


	17. Crazy

The craziness it seemed was going to continue for the foreseeable future at least. Polly was amused when Sam told her that he was staying in a hotel for the first week or so knowing how much he hated it the last time he was in town, he hated being caged in but he wanted to be close to the zoo and knew if he stayed at his parents he'd have every member of his family parading through the place demanding his time. Now that he had just spent the past 36 hours with Polly he also knew that if he wanted to keep seeing her, and he did staying with his parents would severely dent that and also reveal themselves before they were ready to. That much they agreed on; that right now this was between them and they wanted to work things out without any undue pressure or unwanted opinions.

It would have been madness to stay with Polly, even though she offered. They needed to be smart even if it was the last thing they wanted to be. They liked the craziness of the past few days and they liked being together but they'd distract each other and they'd already gone from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye. It was easier said than done though, once you uncorked a bottle it was near on impossible to get that cork back in.

He also needed to focus on his job. This meant a lot to him, he wanted to give it everything he had. Polly understood that about Sam, he'd told her, several times about his insecurities while he was still in Kenya and even this past weekend he'd bought it up, his drive to succeed and fear of fucking up was hard to control sometimes. Ten years ago he felt like this when he was studying and now it was just intensified. She had no idea who talked him down from the ledge in the past, but she wanted to be the one to do it now.

That had been what they talked about as they reluctantly headed home. What the next few weeks looked like and even that was a stretch so they focused on the next few days before Sam dropped her off and went to visit his parents, and as Polly stepped back into her apartment and looked around at the mess she'd created when she left in a hurry she felt a surge of loneliness

His Mom had screamed and cried when he waltzed through the back door like he owned the place and he had to admit that felt pretty good. His Dad got emotional and when his Mom called Heidi she was over like a shot. Their happiness and excitement pushed Polly from his mind momentarily until he got back to his hotel and she came flooding back.

When Polly wished him luck with a sweet early morning message he replied instantly _. 'I spent one night with you and already I rolled over this morning and reached out for you when I woke up.'_

 _'Focus on your job. I know they'll love you. Who wouldn't.'_ Polly had to put her phone down; she could have messaged him all day. The weekend seemed so far away when all she wanted was to be with him again.

Sam fell into bed each night, exhausted and was back at work by 6am, especially in the first couple of days but by the Thursday night he was getting a little frustrated. He needed to see her.

"Miss me?" It was nearly 9pm when he called her on the way home from work. Once the zoo closed he sat and tried to organise his office and his files so that they made sense to him. He didn't want to change too much too soon but he needed his office to fit his method and the way his brain worked, not the previous Keeper's method. Not that it was bad, it just wasn't what he was used too. He also found that he had emails coming out his ears at the end of the day.

"I think I do."

"Think?"

"Well I feel like the weekend was just a dream. A figment of my imagination." He was under her skin and the past two days had been torture. Maya was onto her though; they'd caught up for lunch like they always did on a Monday. "You got laid didn't you? He's back isn't he?"

"He is." Maya literally squealed when Polly blushed.

"And?"

"God, he's driving me insane. I can't think of anything else." She rubbed her sweaty palms up and down her thighs. Even the thought of Sam was getting to her.

"But please tell me it was worth it, like he looks like he'd go off like a frog in a sock."

Polly closed her eyes for just a moment, reliving the moments and they had a lot of moments. "It was fucking incredible."

"Come here." Sam growled.

"Where? The hotel?"

"Yes." She could hear him letting himself into his small self-contained apartment. He'd taken Polly on a video tour of the place, it was small but nice and clean and that's all that mattered, all he really needed was somewhere to sleep at the moment. "I still have some work to do but I need to see you."

"It's getting late. You should finish your work."

"Polly, fuck come on. Pack a bag and stay the night with me."

"Are you sure?" It wasn't going to take much to convince her. She'd missed him and found herself thinking about him more than she should. She knew now what he meant by her being a distraction for him because he was taking up a lot of her headspace.

"Yes, please come over. I want to see you."

"Okay, give me an hour."

"An hour." Sam whined as he kicked off his boots.

"I am not dressed, I need to pack some work stuff."

"Don't get dressed, I don't mind."

Polly scoffed at him and hung up after promising him she would be as quick as she could. She quickly threw her computer and files into her workbag, grabbed some clothes for the morning and got changed. She told him an hour and was out the door within 15 mins.

Ten minutes later she knocked on his door. "Please tell me you are naked under there?" His eyes widened a little when he opened the door and saw her in a long tight jersey dress, which left nothing to his imagination. He was half expecting a trench coat but Polly was anything but a cliché. He was surprised to see her already, he guessed he had another half hour and wanted to have a shower before she got here.

Sam was half undressed, still in his work cargo pants but he had taken his shirt off and Polly was just as distracted. That was hardly going to help the situation but they weren't about to sit down and have a chat anyway, not yet.

"Not naked." He took the bags from her hands and set them down before turning back and grabbing her around the waist and pulling her roughly against him. His kiss was needy; he wanted to devour her right then and there.

"Hi, I missed you." After sucking on her bottom lip a little he finally let her go.

"Good." Polly pushed him away, grabbed the hem of her dress and pulled it over her head, dropping it at their feet. She hadn't lied, she wasn't naked but she was only wearing a thong and he loved it. He loved that she was more than happy to ask for what she wanted. Whether it was just ripping off her clothes or his or telling him what she wanted and liked. When Polly wanted sex, and they'd had a lot of sex over the weekend both at his insistence and hers she just went for it.

"Fuck, yes." He backed her up against the door and his hands roamed over her skin. He'd missed it; more than he'd ever missed feeling a woman's skin. Even when they'd went their separate ways the first time he didn't miss her touch, her body and her skin as much as he did the past three days.

Their desperation was perfectly matched as she worked away at the waist of his shorts while Sam tried to touch as much of her as possible as she pushed his clothes down over his hips and he stepped out of them and kicked them aside. They'd barely said ten words to each other before Sam had one leg hooked around his waist, his head buried in her chest while Polly held onto him and he lost himself deep within her.

"Hey Baby, how was your day?" Sam lowered her down to the ground and smiled cheekily as he bent down a picked up her dress and handed it to her.

"Same old, same old." Polly slipped it over her head and linked her fingers through his as he led her through to the small bedroom and Sam grabbed a towel from the bed.

"Fuck, I hope not." Polly heard the water turn on and followed him into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bath while he had a quick shower. She hadn't noticed the hot sweaty smell while they were banging against the door but Sam was keen to wash away the day. She declined to join him this time declaring that she preferred to watch and he didn't flinch at the intensity of her steady gaze, honestly it got him a little worked up.

"How was work today?" This was them trying to be normal, or as normal as you could be when you were in that first flush of a new relationship when the physical aspect outweighed anything else.

"A little less hectic. I think I am getting there, although it was my first day feeding the beasts and they didn't seem that enamoured by me."

"Ah, they will come to love you. How could they not?"

"I like your faith in me."

"Nah, I just like you."

"Well that's good news, especially after that." He pointed to the door.

"Hmmm." Polly watched him intently; he just took her breath away. "That was… well such a nice greeting. I might just have to stay away from you for another few days if that's what happens."

"Come over tomorrow night and see what happens." She handed him a towel as he jumped out and wrapped it around his waist.

"After I go to that High School production I promised to attend." Polly had worked with the school for a few years now and they had invited her to their annual theatre production. One of the girls she had worked with was in the show, she'd battled depression and bullying for a few years eventually she was moved to a new school after an incomplete suicide and had found a new group of friends that inspired her. She wanted to thank Polly for all her work and support to help her and her parents. It was a huge deal for Monique to even have the confidence to get up on stage after everything she'd endured.

"I forgot about that. Come over later then. I'll still be up or you can wake me up. Either way works for me." He tossed the towel aside and pulled his sweats back on and winked. "And then you can stay all weekend."

"You said you've got work to do?"

"Yep. In a little while; I want to talk to you for a bit."

"Sounds ominous."

"Nope, just want to spend some time with you. I missed you." They settled into the small couch, Polly draped her legs over his lap and Sam couldn't keep his hands to himself. "That school thing sounds great, like not the actual show because I remember how bad they were when I was at school, but that this Monique has done so well and wants to thank you is great. I am really proud of you."

Polly liked how he remembered the girl's name. She'd only mentioned it once and it had been a long time since someone paid that much attention to what she was doing. Austin didn't remember and she'd been working with Monique for three years.

"I wish Abbey had someone like that."

"Is that why you do it?"

"Yes."

That was all such a life defining moment for Polly. After all the crashing and burning she did when Abbey first attempted suicide everyone expected the same when Abbey then went on and took her own life but Polly had learnt some valuable lessons, held her head high and was determined to succeed and not let this beat her down. It was impressive to watch then and even more so to see how that had influenced her to this day. "You know, Abbey did have someone. She had you, don't forget that."

"It didn't work though did it?"

"No, it didn't. Doesn't mean you didn't do everything you could to help her. Sometimes all you can do is show up everyday and do your best."

"Abbey always told me that I needed to always make sure I was surrounded by people who made me happy and if someone doesn't make you happy, walk away."

"And?"

"I won't walk away from you again Sam."

"I'll never give you reason too."

Polly leapt up from the couch once she had got Sam a little worked up with a passionate kiss. "Where you going?" He whined as he flopped down on the cushions.

"I bought you your birthday present." Polly rummaged around in her bag.

"You are the perfect birthday present."

"That's sweet of you to say, but that was a gift for me too. This is for you." She bought back two packages and placed them in his lap. "Happy Birthday My sweet sweet man."

The first present he unwrapped was a picture of them. He had no idea it even existed. It was obviously taken at the Charity dinner and it was a candid shot of them at the bar, Polly's hand was resting on his arm and Sam was whispering something in her ear. She knew precisely what he was saying; he had asked her what they were doing. Polly had no idea if he remembered that moment but she obviously did and he smiled when he read the note scrawled on the back. _'The moment I knew I was with my one in a million. #Crazy #Don'tStop."_

Sam gripped the back of her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. "It only took you two weeks longer than me to realise."

The next present was an antique zoology book on African Animals. "Polly it's fantastic."

"You don't have it?"

"No I don't. It's beautiful." He flicked through the pages carefully. "Thank you Baby."

"I didn't know what to get you and that upset me. I thought, what are you doing Polly? You don't know this man and you are infatuated. Calm yourself."

"I think you do know me."

"Don't you worry about things like that? Like what if we've changed?"

"We have changed, Polly come on. Everything changes except one thing….the person you are in here." He tapped her chest lightly. "You don't change the fundamental parts of you, this is who you are and that's beautiful, I didn't walk away from you because I didn't love every part of you, I walked away because I did love you and I had too."

"I guess." She ran her hands through her hair, brushing it back and twisting it over her shoulder. "Honestly do you like this?" She rested a hand on the book. "I just want to know."

"If somebody asked me what presents meant the most I would say I have three. This book, being in the same city as my family again." Sam held her face between his palms. "And you, having you in my life. On my birthday my absolute highlight was talking to you. Now this, this is making me so happy I can't even describe it."

"It's crazy Sam, you know it is."

"It is, but isn't that the best thing about it. It's crazy but I feel it. I feel you; every time I am with you I feel it. You know I felt it way back at the day we spent at the zoo. I knew you had someone else but I figured the reason you were there with me is because he didn't make you feel like I do."

"He never did."

"I kept chasing you because I knew. I didn't sit and pine for you for ten years but when I saw you I knew we could have this again. I was going to do whatever it took to get you back."

"You didn't need to try. You had me."

"When?"

"I don't know."

"When Polly?" He tapped the photo. "Here?"

"That's when I finally admitted it to myself."

"Then when?" He was a little demanding. "I want to know."

"Honestly?" Polly looked up at him shyly. "When I woke up the morning after seeing you for the first time, that night at the bar and my first thought was I need to see you again."

Polly was a little shocked when Sam literally smashed his mouth into hers. It took a second but she caught up with him and they were clawing at each other, desperate to feel skin on skin. Suddenly he jumped up and scooped her up off the couch and carried her through to the small bedroom. Setting her down on the floor Polly pushed him back of the bed and climbed on top and by the time he'd pulled her dress off over her head she had his sweat pants down around his ankles.

Sam fumbled around for a condom and was slamming into her before either of them could catch their breaths. When Polly dug her fingernails into his back and dragged them down until she was pulling him as close to her as possible Sam slid his arm under her and made her arch her back so that he could get as deep as physically possible and he kept going until Polly started to gasp his name. "Come with me baby." He kept pushing her on until he felt her hold her breath and spasm around him. "Oh fuck Polly. You are incredible. I've never fucked anyone like you."

"I thought you had work to do?" Polly was curled into his side, drawing circles on his stomach.

"Hmm, I do. Just give me a minute here."

Polly lifted her head, placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Go do your work, I'll be here when you are done."

"Naked?"

"As the day I was born. Go Baby."

"I can set my alarm early and get up and do some work."

Polly literally pushed him out of bed and she was fast asleep when he came back but she woke the next morning with him curled around her and it was the best feeling in the world. Nothing had felt as normal as that morning did.


	18. What Does it Say?

Polly leapt out of bed, pulled on her clothes and was out the door before Sam could even speak. He rolled over and buried his head her pillow. At the very least it was still warm and it smelt like her so right now that would have to do. This was very un-weekend like, on weekends they managed to waste at least half a day in bed.

Waste was probably not the right word; nothing about what they did in bed on a weekend was a waste because sometimes that was all the time they had.

He dozed off until he heard the front door slam when Polly returned. "I've got it."

"Great." He groaned as she jumped on the bed. "Did you at least buy me a coffee or breakfast or something?"

"Oh shit, yes." She scrambled off the bed and bought him back his coffee and a bagel.

Polly crossed her legs and sat as close to him as possible before opening the magazine. "Oh, pretty photo. Cute."

"I am."

"No, the meerkats." Polly rolled her eyes. "They are cute, can we have one?"

"No we can't."

Sam closed his eyes as Polly rested her hand on his bare chest as she read the article. It was just a short interview he'd done about his return to Chicago. He had no idea what the interest was but Polly was excited and it was nice to see her enthusiasm, he just hoped she was just as enthusiastic by the end of it. He had been blindsided by some of the questions and wasn't sure how to answer them. He'd asked that some of them weren't put in the article and the interviewer promised him she wouldn't but until he saw it in black and white he wasn't sure he could trust her.

Polly read it out loud and Sam found it hard to focus on the words and not just her voice. She was so animated and he loved listening to her, right now she could probably read the instructions for putting together flat pack furniture and he'd love it.

 _It's always nice when someone comes home. Chicago born Sam Hollister swaggered back into Chicago and the Lincoln Park Zoo like he'd never left. He lit up the stage at the Annual 'Abbey Lives' Fundraiser Ball for Teen Suicide and left the ladies wondering, who exactly is the new lion tamer in town. Now permanently back in his hometown he's settling in and getting down to business._

 _With six years under his belt working in San Diego, Singapore and Kenya the lure of family has bought him back to the windy city. He's young and enthusiastic about future of the animal kingdom now under his watchful eye._

 _Lincoln Park Zoo's newest Head Keeper of the African Experience sat down over a coffee and answered a few questions for us._

 ** _Welcome Home, What did you miss most about Chicago?_**

 _A lot, it's such an eclectic city, the food, the views, the lake and my family. It's a little more vibrant than my last place, a bit more of nightlife. And the sport, I missed going to ballgames and hockey games, it was hard to keep up with that stuff._

 ** _The First Place you visited?_**

 _My parent's house. It was a family reunion, they aren't getting any younger and I've been away for ten years. I have two nephews, one who I had never met so that was really cool; they think I am just a photo and an image on a computer screen. It took them a good couple of hours to warm up to me and one of them spent the first hour hiding behind my sister's legs. It's great to be their Uncle, I didn't realise how much I was missing out on. And the Zoo, it was great to see it again. I worked there when I was at high school so it was exciting to go back._

 _My family also has a holiday home; they've had it since I was a little kid, a few hours from here near the water. It's always been a place to get away and have fun, relax and also retreat if you need it. I was keen to get back there too and I literally jumped in my car the day after I came back and it was like putting on those comfy warm clothes at the end of the day. I love it and it was great to get up there again, I've been a few times now._

 ** _You came back and participated in the fundraiser for Teen Suicide and Abbey Lives. What was that about?_**

 _It's a great initiative and I'm happy to be involved, it's a personal thing for me so when I decided to come back to Chicago and heard about the ball that was one thing I was really keen to get involved in. The premise behind it is fantastic and I can't wait to get stuck into it and see where we can take it._

 _It's not only about showing people in need that they have someone willing to help them but also about helping people learn how to be that person who may just save a life. Thinking that you might have been able to stop someone from harming themselves if only you'd done more is a heavy burden. Sometimes it takes very little time and effort and sometimes it's a huge task. It's teaching you the skills to do that._

 _The Zoo is really keen to be involved in giving vulnerable kids a place to feel safe, engaged and get them involved in something that's potentially life changing. Giving some kids a purpose, sometimes that's all they need. They just need someone to give a damn._

 ** _You say it's personal?_**

 _I had a friend in High School who took her own life. It was a very confronting and challenging thing to deal with particularly when you are young. I didn't understand the impact something like that has on, not just on my friend's family but also on everyone around them. It's very wide reaching. I hadn't really experienced death before then so it was hard to get my head around it. I was fortunate to have people around who helped me understand it. I was lucky in that regard. I also saw what having a supportive family could do for someone when they were at rock bottom. It definitely shapes you going forward so the BraveHearts thing is great. I love what they are doing there._

 ** _Plans for the Zoo?_**

 _One of my directives is to really ramp up the breeding program, that's where my expertise and passion lies. I was heavily involved in that at my previous two zoos. We need to look at who we've got and where we need to look to improve our stocks, particularly in vulnerable species so we can genetically strengthen our herds and save these beautiful animals so that our future generations don't have to just look in a book to see them. I want to take my nephews to see these animals in the wild that's when they are at their most majestic, but I also understand that if we don't protect them and bred them in captivity then there is no hope for them._

 _I had a Rhino, well one of my Black Rhino's had a baby back at my last place and I have this dream, or hope perhaps is a better word that one day I can bring her here and breed from her. She's one tough little lady. She's almost four months old now and had a rough start but to see her now you would never know it. I am going to miss her that's for sure, so hopefully one day we can be re-united._

 ** _Anything you will miss?_**

 _Plenty. You always miss things when you leave a place. I missed a lot about Chicago when I first left. Saying that there are always things you don't miss too._

 _I will miss the people I work with and the animals; they become your family when you don't have anyone else. When I arrived there I didn't know anyone, it's always a bit like that when I move and it's exciting so it is a bit different this time round but coming home to family and old friends is fun too, I am loving it._

 _Africa was an amazing experience but life is about having those experiences, good and bad and then moving on._

 _That was a great time of my life but I am just as excited about the here and now. It's great. I think the time was right and I love being home, it's different now and a lot has changed. I have changed and the people around me have changed. I left here a wide-eyed hopeful college student. I like to think I've come back older, wiser and more mature._

 ** _So you had bad experiences?_**

 _No not at all. I really enjoyed my time, from time to time though shit happens. Animals you love die or don't do as well as you hoped, you lose a pregnancy you worked hard for and that is all part of it. People let you down and don't turn out to be whom you thought they were, but that's just life._

 _However coming back I realised while I was living I wasn't really content. I felt unsettled and I saw it as a stepping stone, to what I don't know but coming back here I suddenly feel like this is where I was always meant to end up. It just took me awhile._

 ** _Chicago Winters? Are you ready?_**

 _Not even close. I haven't had a winter, a real cold; icy chills you to the bone type of winter in a long time. I know I am not ready._

 ** _So, who is Sam Hollister personally?_**

 _He loves what he does, he's living the dream and reconnecting with his past and it's a little crazy right now._

 _I am very content and happy. I am excited to be back and looking forward to what the future brings. It's been great so far._

"Well?" Sam opened one eye when he heard Polly sigh and fold the paper. "Was it horrible?"

"No. It was great. I loved it."

"She asked about you?" he hooked his hands behind his head while Polly continued to draw circles on his chest.

"Me?"

"Obviously she'd done her research."

Sam was pretty sure his poker face was non-existent when the reporter kept questioning him after the interview was finished. "So? Any movement on the romance front?" He wasn't sure though whether she was asking in general or he was supposed to be impressed by the short skirt and flirty hair flipping.

"I thought the interview was over?" Sam deadpanned his response.

"Polly Ruzek?" She threw that name at him.

Sam took a sip of his coffee trying to buy himself a little time. "What about her?"

"You don't want to make any comments?"

"No, this has nothing to do with the zoo and my job so I am not going to talk about it."

"Fair enough, but you do know her? It's no coincidence that she is the organiser of the fundraising dinner and you are keen to get involved considering your history."

"Polly Ruzek is doing a great thing with this fundraiser, she deserves all the credit. To talk about anything other than what a success the night was for the Foundation and the work they are doing is doing it a disservice."

"It was her best friend that committed suicide when you were in high school and you were a couple then? Polly has always been open with it. Even at the ball she said that when Abbey died she was too busy falling in love. I gather that was with you."

"She never said she was too busy falling in love." Sam was seriously annoyed by that comment and wasn't going to let it slide. "That makes it sound like she didn't care and that couldn't be further from the truth. It was a terrible time for Polly, don't belittle Abbey's death by trying to find some romantic love story."

"You seem defensive. You had a three year relationship with Polly Ruzek and now you are back helping her out."

"I was asked by my employer to speak at the ball and I was happy to do it because it's a good cause. I would have done it with or without Polly's involvement."

"Why the secret?"

"Why the personal questions?" Sam narrowed his eyes a little. "It's a great cause and I wanted to help."

"Just getting to know what makes Sam Hollister tick."

"I am happy to be back in Chicago. If you've got more questions about the zoo or the breeding program go ahead and ask but anything other than that is irrelevant to this conversation and I'd rather it stayed that way." He replied and made it quite clear that she was veering into very unwelcome territory and she backed off.

Polly leant on his chest. "You don't want to talk about me?"

"Not to some random stranger who was just trying to get some gossip or hitting on me. I am not sure."

"I'll take the bitch."

"It's not easy being green, Baby." He tugged lightly on her hair that had fallen over her shoulder.

"You know what I really liked?" Polly stretched out on top of him. Wiggling her hips which she knew was annoying him. "I love how you say things like that you are content, or things are crazy."

"Do you?"

"That's for me isn't it?"

"You are a smart cookie." He smiled, even though his eyes were still closed. "And a little cocky."

"Did you want to talk about us?"

"I do. I've enjoyed this month though, just hanging out and spending time with just you but I am glad we had lunch with our parents yesterday. Could you imagine our phones would be ringing off the hook if they didn't know." One of the reasons they kept it quiet was because Polly was worried what people would think of her jumping straight from one relationship to the next. They knew it was quick and very intense so they just wanted to figure that out without the side glances, questions and opinions that everyone would love it give.

Now they were finally out of the closest….or bedroom, as was the case with them and it had been good fun seeing the look on their family's faces. Sam's in particular because Adam and Kim were not surprised in the least. "Fun, that's one way to put it."

"I really don't think our parents cared Polly. Your parents just want you to be happy and they could see how happy we are."

"I know."

"And I have the sneaky suspicion that my parent's always loved you more than me." Sam was convinced of that. "Now we have that that dinner thing with work and bringing you along will stop Josh's wife setting me up with some random chick."

"People need to stop doing that. I find that very annoying."

"My little green eyed monster." Sam touched her nose playfully. "You can do something for me right now."

Polly wiggled her hips again. "Let me guess?" she started kissing his neck. "Take my clothes off?"

"See you are a smart cookie."

While the interview didn't really delve into anything too personal there were obviously references to it and they decided to have lunch with both their parents together before it hit the stands, they felt that they owed them the head's up.

"See I told you." Adam nudged Kim as they made their way through the café towards Polly and Sam. "Well this is no fucking surprise." He hugged Polly as she got up out of her chair while Kim greeted Sam happily, although with a little less enthusiasm than the night of the ball when she'd had a few champagnes. They hadn't seen him at all since he'd been back. Polly would mention that he was getting into work if they asked if she'd seen him and she would admit that she had talked to him and little else.

"Adam." Kim admonished him.

"What? Well it's not." He shook Sam's hand. "Are we supposed to be surprised? We've barely seen her for weeks, Sam's back in town. I'm a detective, I notice these things."

"It's good to see you Adam."

He narrowed his eyes. "I wouldn't go that far just yet. Your first application to date my daughter had an expiry date. I'm going to need to see some credentials and a resume. References and the like."

"I've got a gun license now."

"And I have a armoury at my disposal. What's your point?"

"Is he going to stop anytime soon?" Polly asked her mother.

"Unlikely." Polly and Kim just left them taunting each other and went to the bar for some drinks.

Jolene and Phil were a little more blindsided. Sam had told them very little, he had mentioned that he was working with her at the dinner, that they had a nice chat and that she seemed happy. They had never thought to ask when he got back if he had seen her again and Sam didn't mention her so when Jolene saw Polly sitting next to Sam she literally yelped.

"Oh my god Polly Ruzek. Look how beautiful you are?" She hugged Polly and then held her at arms length to look her over. Sam and Polly waited for the penny to drop. "Wait?" Jolene looked at both of them and then at Kim and Adam. "Really?"

"Well yes Mom." Sam nodded as he reached for Polly's hand. "Are you surprised?"

"A little." His Mom admitted. She never in a million years thought Sam would rekindle things with Polly and she had assumed that Polly was probably married by now. They had been good together and she adored Polly and loved her for her son when they were young. She was the first good solid relationship he was in and after that he did okay. She'd never met his last girlfriend and he had never indicated that it was serious hence why he broke up with her before he came back to Chicago. Sam had at least told her that and he did not seem bothered by it, unlike when Sophie refused to move to Africa with him and Sam knew long distance was not going to work.

"So were we."

"But this is good right?" There was a definite bubble of excitement about Jolene now. She was happy enough just to be having lunch with her son; this was so unexpected and perhaps made his tie to Chicago a little more secure. She still had this fear that he was only here temporarily.

"We think so." Polly leant into Sam a little.

"So what does this mean? How long?"

"How long what?" Sam knew precisely what his mother wanted to know. She was giddy. "Since the day I came back."

"Oh a few weeks then? No wonder we have barely seen you."

"No, the day I came back the first time. The first time I saw Polly again she just blew me away." Kim did notice the look in his eyes when he glanced at Polly. "We just needed to figure it all out. It's been easy, we are enjoying spending time together and looking forward to whatever comes next. We don't know what that is."

"He hasn't passed my tests yet. He only has tacit approval."

"Make him work for it." Phil had always got Adam's sense of humour.

"I think that went well." He turned slightly to look at Polly on the drive home. They'd had a lot of laughs at lunch. Sam had spent a good portion of time talking to Kim while Polly was monopolised by Jolene and Adam and Phil were more than happy to stay out of the gossip and catch up. Polly promised his mother that they would come for dinner and Sam agreed as long as he got to surprise his sister and made her promise not to utter a word.

"It did, they seem happy. It was great seeing your Mom and Dad again. I always liked them."

"Mom was so annoyed with me when I broke your heart." Sam recalled that when he told his Mom that he was seeing someone else and that he had told Polly that they had to put a stop to their catch-ups when he was in town Jolene was more concerned about how Polly handled it than how Sam felt.

"You didn't break my heart Sam."

"No?" He raised his eyebrow quizzically. "Not even a little bit?"

"Well no, you did break my heart but not because of anything horrible. I was just in love with you still."

"I was too. I tried to hide it, but I was and I hated the look on your face. You tried to pretend you didn't care or it didn't hurt but it did and I hated myself for weeks after that."

"Ahhh well, if we had to do that to get this then so be it." she shrugged. "If I had to make a choice between staying with you then and losing it all forever or losing it for just a while and then getting all this. I choose this Sam."

"Me too." He grabbed her hand and kissed it and rested it on his leg. Flipping it over he stroked her palm as he drove.

"Hurry up and drive Sam."

Heidi was screaming at one of her boys as she came through the door. As soon as they were inside though they scattered and she plonked herself down at the kitchen table and sighed. "They will be the death of me one day."

"Like you and your sister and brothers were?"

"We weren't that bad were we?"

"No, you were worse. You had the highest pitched squeal I have ever heard." Jolene laughed as she handed her youngest daughter a bowl of peas to shell. They often teased their Mom about her insistence to still buy fresh peas and make them shell them. It had been going on for more than thirty years but in all honesty they would not have changed a thing about these times when they were all around for dinner and mucking in and helping out. "Speaking of brother's, Sam is coming for dinner."

"About time? Every time I have called him he's been busy. Has he actually left that zoo since he's been back? I feel like I need to take Noah and Lucas there to see him, like he's one of the actual exhibits. Look boys; that is the very rare and often unseen Uncle. Isn't he a beauty?"

"He's been working hard. You know how seriously he takes everything." Jolene laughed, it wasn't far from the truth to be honest and she did understand that Sam was pretty focussed on getting it right at work but he hadn't just been spending all his waking hours at the zoo, she knew that now. "He did mention that you wanted to bring the boys in one day."

"Lucas will love it, Noah kind of screwed up his nose but I am sure he'd crack it if he missed out." Heidi raised one eyebrow in her mother's direction. "What's he been up to anyway? I got some vague non-committal message last week about why he's been too busy to see us."

"I think he is struggling a little to remember that he has a family. He hasn't had to think about it for ten years."

"He's a bit cagey isn't he?"

"You know Sam, all he is interested in is that zoo." Jolene lied smoothly. She couldn't wait to see the reaction when Sam turned up with Polly. They'd been pleasantly surprised at lunch yesterday to find out that they had rekindled their romance and she begged him to come and see his family and Polly quickly agreed so Sam had no choice.

"That interview was kind of sweet. Noah and Lucas loved that he mentioned them. They think he's a celebrity now."

"He told us about it yesterday. It was a lovely piece."

"You've seen him?"

"Yes, he took us out for lunch yesterday, I think he felt guilty for neglecting us particularly when he said it was one of the reasons he came back although saying we aren't as young anymore was a little harsh." Jolene grabbed the bowl of peas and rinsed them under the tap. "I convinced him to come to dinner tonight."

"It will be nice to see him."

Heidi was standing at the kitchen sink when he arrived. "What the actual fuck?" she screamed at the top of her voice, dropping the bowl she was holding back into the water and leaving her mother to clean up the water that splashed across the bench and floor.

Jolene admonished her daughter, it was pointless but she did it anyway. She knew precisely that the commotion was about and peering out the window she watched as Heidi flew out of the house, the front door banging as she charged through it. "What the fuck Sam?"

It wasn't Sam; it was Polly that made her scream like a banshee. "Oh my god, gorgeous girl, look at you." Heidi literally reefed Polly from Sam's grasp. "How did you grow up even more pretty?"

"Calm down Heidi." For some reason Sam was just as nervous now as he was the first time he took Polly to meet the family.

"Shut up Sam. You kept this a secret for how long?"

"Not long. God, leave her alone."

"Don't listen to him Heidi…" Polly pushed him away playfully and linked arms with his sister. "…its so good to see you again."

"You know you are too good for him?"

"Oh, I don't know, he's okay I guess."

"I can't believe this. This is great."

"Me either." Polly giggled a little. It felt great to be welcomed back so warmly and she could feel his sister was genuine with her excitement. "I am looking forward to meeting your boys. Sam showed me photos although I think he needs to up his Uncle game."

"Yes…" she looked over her shoulder at Sam. "…listen to her, she's smart." He loved the looked of joy on Heidi's face. Heidi had always loved Polly and she'd promised to stay in touch once Sam left town but as always they were empty promises, she had called her once and they had a coffee date but then it just drifted away and certainly once Sam had moved on Polly just couldn't sit with Heidi and pretend that she wasn't hurt.

"So this is what all that crap about being content was all about?"

"He keeps telling me he's content and promises me it's a good thing."

Heidi leant in close and whispered in Polly's ear. "He looks very content." And they both laughed.

"Stop talking about me."

Heidi pushed open the front door and called out to her boys. "Come and see what your Uncle Sam looks like, you've probably forgotten."

"You could show them some photos."

"I shouldn't have to anymore."

"So." Heidi handed Polly a glass and they plonked themselves down outside. "Sam never said anything. When did this all happen? I need details."

"It was a little unexpected but when he came back we spent a bit of time together just catching up and then the dinner he spoke at was pretty wild and we felt that maybe something was still there but it wasn't until he came back for good though that anything really took off. We just left it as being friends when he went back to Kenya but we talked to each other a fair bit. At some point we decided that we wanted to try and see where things went."

"And it's good?"

"It is. We are really happy. I thought that I'd put Sam behind me, not in a bad way but you know we felt lucky that we'd had this great big first romance despite how shitty some of it was and that was a good thing and a good memory. When I saw him again I was just blown away. I didn't wait around for him to come back but when he did everything just made sense."

Sam left them alone for as long as he could. "Okay, Heidi. You finished with the twenty questions?" She watched them both. Polly's face lit up when he came out and Sam perched himself on the arm of the chair and rested a hand on the back of her neck, stroking her gently and Polly leant into it. "What are you smiling at?"

"You two….I feel like I've travelled back ten years. You are so cute."

"Cute?"

"Yes, cute." Heidi sighed as she heard the commotion inside. She guessed that her husband had arrived because that always set the boys off. They loved their Dad and hadn't seen him all weekend. "Anyway…" she patted Polly's knee. "...this is great."

Sam slipped into Heidi's spot once she headed back inside, not losing touch with her the entire time. "She wasn't too bad was she?"

"No, not at all. It was great catching up. I really don't mind talking about how it all went down. Its such a good story."

"What story is that?"

"How Polly fell in love."

"I love this story, tell me." He beckoned her closer and stole a quick kiss.

"Later Baby. I'll show you." Resting her hand on his cheek she guided him back in for another kiss.

Sam groaned a little but he was smiling. "Oh you tease me so." Sam pulled her up off the couch "You ready?" They followed the sound of the noise, the sound of excited boys.

"That was a little intense, sorry."

Polly rolled her head to the side and faced Sam as he drove home. "Heidi was excited. I think she is happy to see you. You've always been her favourite."

"Well I am loveable."

"Yes, yes you are." Polly ran her hand through his hair and rested it on the back of his neck. "Are you coming in for a bit?" Very rarely did they stay together on a Sunday night and neither of them were sure why. Initially the reasoning was that they both had work to get ready for the next day but that was hardly a big enough issue to stop them staying together and apart from the odd night during the week when Sam worked late or Polly had something on they were always together.

"Aren't you going to tell me that story about Polly falling in love?"

"My fave."

"Can we make it interactive?"

"What with pencils and paper?"

"I can get my pencil out and draw on your paper."

"Can you stay in the lines?"

"Where is the fun in that? I always want to colour outside the lines with you."

Sam didn't even bother to try and stay in the lines. As soon as they were through the door he was desperate to get his hands on her but unfortunately he barely go the chance to start before Polly's phone rang. He dropped his head onto her chest in defeat.

Her brother had shit timing and Sam reluctantly pushed himself off Polly, who he had dumped on the couch the minute they got home. "Hey Gus, What's up?" Polly answered a little breathlessly.

"You sound busy. With the boyfriend?"

"So you've been talking to Mom or Dad."

"Well it was a family dinner night but you apparently had Sam's family dinner to go to so we just had to talk about you instead."

"I did." She was watching Sam as she spoke and he had closed his eyes and was running one hand up her thigh and she struggled to get him to stop when he got to the top. He was keen for her to wrap this up quickly.

"I am not surprised."

Gus had always called Polly out on what was going on with Sam. He didn't have the hang ups that his parents or even Polly did about how she made things messy with Austin. As far as Gus was concerned if you wanted to be with someone you did what you had to do make it happen. "Didn't think you would be."

"Put him on. Wait he's not naked is he?"

"No he's not naked and why were you not worried that I might be naked?"

"Really Pol, I try not to think of you naked, ever. That's nasty, just nasty but I think I'd cope better with that rather than thinking of the boyfriend naked and in whatever state he's in."

"So if I tell you he's at half mast you'd hang up?"

Sam snatched the phone from Polly. "You two are seriously strange." he muttered. "Hey Gus."

"So you are screwing my sister again?"

"Well not right now although I'd hoped to be until you interrupted us."

"Cool, we should catch up next weekend for a few beers?"

"Sure, sounds good."

"Is that it?" Polly was surprised when Sam said goodbye hung up on Gus. He threw the phone on the table and got back to what he was doing before they were interrupted.

"Yep. Come here baby, I want to do some drawing."


	19. Pretty Face

"Sorry."

Sam was having no more of this shit as he wiped the spilt drink from his shirt. "Sure you are." He'd been knocked and buffeted all night. He was well aware of the fact that he'd been eyeing him off since they'd arrived. He was just glad that Polly wasn't with him.

She was out enjoying Chloe's Hen's night and Sam decided to head out with a couple of guys from work, catch a game and have a few beers. Nate and Ed were around the same age as Sam and didn't work in his department, Nate was in marketing and Ed was IT but they got along well. The bar was local and it was buzzing and Sam did love going out, usually with Polly but he also enjoyed time out without her. He'd copped the odd spray from Polly when he went out with Gus and came home toasted but it was always short lived because at the end of the day she loved that they got on so well.

The place was crowded and it took a while before Sam noticed him.

Establishing new friendships wasn't particularly easy and not because he wasn't easy going and friendly, he really just enjoyed spending time with Polly at the moment and ignored everything else but that wasn't healthy for either of them. He'd caught up with a few old school buddies and had met some of Polly's friends and they both felt that they were starting to build a life together but they couldn't live in each other's pockets forever.

They had also just moved in together. It was just insane paying two lots of rent when they spent every night together at either his place or hers. It may have been quick but Polly gave up her lease and moved in with Sam as his place was bigger and definitely nicer and they had found their groove pretty quickly. It had all come to a head when Polly hadn't been well for a week or so and Sam found himself running around after her and he decided one night when he was out getting some groceries for her and then went to grab the same things for his place that it was stupid to keep doing this.

He tried his best to ignore him even when he was standing not far from them at the bar and he declared loudly that his ex was such an easy lay and all he had to do was 'grab her on the snatch' and she'd start whimpering and give him what he wanted, 'even after we split up, she was so fucking easy, my dick would almost slip out she was that loose.'

Every time they moved further away he followed them and Sam had just about had enough.

"Where's the bitch?"

"Excuse me?" The last couple of beers Sam had finally eroded the last of his resolve and when he deliberately spilt his beer on him he finally lost it.

"You'd want to put a leash on her. Or is she out fucking someone else already?"

Sam knew that Austin was an asshole but he really wasn't expecting this. Polly had dropped the odd comment along the way but never really elaborated on what went on. "Let me get this straight. Are you really telling me that I need to put a leash on my girlfriend like a dog?"

"Girlfriend." He snorted. "Well she's got form. I should've put a leash on her, kept her under control." Austin smirked drunkenly and leant in closer to Sam, who struggled not to react by punching his weasel like face. "You know, that night of the ball she came home all worked up and I fucked her good and proper, she begged for me to stop but I know she liked it. You must have got her all hot and bothered. She was a wild ride that night."

"You fucking piece of shit. Why the fuck she spent even a week with you is beyond me." Sam pushed away Nate's hand as he tried to get Sam to ignore him. He was ropable and probably would have just about killed the guy if he started. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew the guy was lying to get a rise out of him. He was baiting him. Polly had told him that she hadn't slept with Austin since she had met up with Sam again and he believed her despite the shit he was just spewing at the bar. That was a conversation they had during one long painful phone call when he was feeling particularly lonely and vulnerable in Kenya.

"She's a lying bitch."

"You might want to shut your fucking mouth."

"Or what?"

Sam placed his hand on Austin's chest as he stepped closer towards him. He would have much rather put his fist in his face but he wasn't that drunk or stupid. Give this idiot enough rope and he'd hang himself. "Fuck off Austin."

"Don't touch me." Austin shoved him hard and it took all of Nate and Ed's strength to stop Sam punching his lights out there and then. "Gutless prick." Austin laughed in his face. "How'd you do it huh? How'd you get a collar on her? Borrow her old man's handcuffs?" He turned to Nate and Ed. "Better watch your woman around this one, he likes stealing women who belong to someone else."

"You done?" Sam certainly was. He couldn't believe Polly would put up with someone like this, and surely her parents or Gus had no idea what he was like? They certainly had the attention of the crowd around him and plenty of them seemed appalled at the shit dribbling from this drunken idiot's mouth. "Fucking asshole, no wonder she was keen to come crawling into my arms, all I had to do was smile and she was mine." He spat as he turned away. He knew he was sinking to his level but by fuck he didn't care.

"What'd you say?" Austin flipped his lid when Sam turned his back on him and before anyone could stop him he pushed him in the back and as Sam turned around ready to punch his lights out, but he didn't get the chance as a glass was hurled in his direction, catching him just below the eye and splitting open his cheekbone with a nasty gash. Sam grabbed his face and felt the sticky warm blood trickle through his fingers.

A couple of guys nearby were on Austin in a flash and restrained him until security arrived and slammed him into the bar. Nate and Ed were left to drag Sam away, which was no easy feat. He would have done some serious damage if he'd be let loose. "It's not worth it man, he's not worth it."

"It will be worth it trust me."

"Nah man, he's a goner. Don't be stupid." Within minutes CPD was pushing through the crowd and despite Sam wanting to pull the family card he just let them haul him off still clutching his face as people milled around him. He'd send Gus a message, he knew he was working tonight otherwise he probably would have been out with him, and Gus would sort it out. He wasn't going to play that card in front of Austin or the crowd but by fuck he was going to pull it later.

Nate drove Sam to Med to get his wound checked out and stitched up. "What the fuck was that about?"

"Polly's Ex. Didn't take the breakup well." He held a screwed up bar towel over his still bleeding cheek.

"Obviously."

"I guess he blames me and to some degree he's right but I didn't know Polly was seeing someone when I first came back. She didn't tell me. I chased her but nothing happened until I came back for good and by that time she'd given him the flick."

"He was off the chain all night."

"Thing is everyone keeps telling me he treated Polly like crap. Nobody liked him and they begged her to dump him. He paid her zero attention until he thought he'd lost her." Sam's face was throbbing and that was pissing him off even more. "I get the feeling he wasn't particularly nice to Polly for a bit but she won't hang the prick, not to me anyway."

"Yeah, but he's a wounded bull right now and you know how some guys get." Nate nodded. "And Polly, man she's freaking gorgeous. Can't blame him for not wanting to let her go."

"Yep." Sam closed his one good eye. He could feel the other one swelling already. "and boy is she gonna be pissed."

"Nah you did nothing wrong."

"Man, she's a chick. Do you think that matters?"

"Ha, good point." Nate agreed as he pulled into a parking space at Med. "You want me to call her?"

"Nah, tomorrow is soon enough to break this to her."

"She'll be pissed and you've messed up that pretty face."

Nate wasn't lying; Sam knew he was in a world of pain. "That's what will annoy her the most."

Sam needed four stitches just below his right eye. It was already swelling nicely and there was no way he was getting out of this. Lying in the ER waiting to be seen gave him a chance to stew over it. Austin had pissed him off, big time and he'd done his best to ignore him but the way he'd talked about Polly had infuriated him, he actually found it hard to believe someone would talk about the person they apparently loved like that. And it wasn't just the words; it was the meaning behind those words. 'She said no.' kept playing over and over in his head. What the actual fuck was that?

He'd talked to Gus but didn't give him the full story, just enough to wind him up and he promised just to 'check out' that he was in the right cell at lock-up but Sam did warn him to keep his nose out of it because Polly was going to be pissed enough as it was, throwing Gus into the mix was near on a death wish and he promised that his fingerprints wouldn't be at the scene but the Ruzek name carried some weight and Gus was learning to use it to his advantage. He just had to make sure he wasn't over doing it. He was pretty sure that his father would sort it out if it came back to bite either of them.

Lying there waiting for the Doctor he decided to text Polly. _'Hey Baby, just a heads up, I'm at Med right now getting some stitches. It's all good, just a bit of an accident.'_ The last thing he wanted to happen was Polly to come home and see his face without warning her. That would seriously freak her out and it wouldn't end well for him, not that this was gong to anyway.

"What the fuck Sam?" She didn't send him a message back, she called him and he didn't even get a word out. He could tell by the sound of her voice she was a little tipsy.

"Calm down. I'm fine, I just need a couple of stitches."

"Where? What happened?"

"On my face, right cheek. It's no big deal."

"No big deal." He held the phone away from his head a little and he could still hear her loud and clear. He'd told Nate Polly was going to be pissed and he wasn't wrong. "Don't tell me to calm down?"

"Polly I am fine. I just wanted give you a heads up so that when you get home you don't try and rough me up."

"I'll come and get you." She'd jump in a cab if she had to.

"No you won't. Stay and have fun, they are just about to sew me up, Nate will drop me at home and I will see you later. I'll send you a photo once I'm done."

"What happened?"

"Ah…someone was throwing a glass around at the bar, I didn't get out of the way."

"They were throwing a glass at you?" This was not helping Polly calm down. What the fuck was going on?"

Fortunately for Sam the Doctor arrived and he had to cut the call short before they got to deep into the nitty gritty of the story. That was going to send her over the edge, right now she seemed like she was only about three inches from it.

Sam felt someone touching his face. He'd got home after sending Polly a photo and talking to her again and she was a lot drunker by then and seemed to have forgotten why he was getting stitched up and he just let it go. He promised her he was fine, a bit sore and ready to sleep. His head hit the pillow and he was out to it and he didn't hear Polly come in.

"My poor baby." She cooed, obviously three sheets to the wind.

"You've had a good night then?"

"Yes, well except for this." She touched his swollen cheek lightly. "Are you okay?"

"I am now you are here."

"Do you need me to take care of you?" Drunk Polly was a personal favourite of his.

"Yes."

"What do you need?"

"You."

Sam propped himself up when Polly started doing a little strip dance in front of him, she swung her hips as she unzipped her dress and let it pool at her feet. Sam threw back the covers as Polly removed her bra and tossed it onto the bed and crawled over the top of him. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Then climb on baby."

Drunk Polly was very feisty and very loud and Sam really didn't have to do anything because Polly was driving this one home all by herself. She swore like a sailor on leave at the best of times but when she was drunk and horny she became demanding and crude and Sam loved every minute of it. They finally fell asleep completely spent as the sun came up.

"Hey Baby." He nudged her when he woke at almost midday. "Good night last night."

"Yep." She moaned, not even lifting her head off the pillow. "I can't move."

"You were riding me hard last night baby."

"Stop talking."

"Can I get you something? Water, Advil perhaps?"

"Yes." Polly was feeling like utter shit. She didn't often get blind drunk but last night she'd let the reins go and enjoyed herself. She had a lot to celebrate lately, moving in with Sam had been easy and they were really enjoying being around each other all the time. This relationship had come about so fast, but they did have the luxury of skipping the getting to know you phase pretty much and it felt good. He made her incredibly happy and last night she wanted to celebrate that, she wanted everyone to know how happy she was and her friends enjoyed seeing their old party animal Polly come back.

"What happened to your face?" Polly squinted at him when he came back and then it hit her. "Oh shit, I remember. What happened? Are you okay?"

"It's a bit tender. Hurts a bit but it's fine."

"Poor baby."

"Well your nursing care last night was A plus."

"Did I hurt you?"

"No Baby, you didn't hurt me." He smiled against her cheek as he kissed it. Polly was struggling to get her head off the pillow.

"You gonna tell me what happened?" She didn't even open her eyes.

Sam took a deep breath. "I ran into Austin last night, he wasn't happy, actually he was pretty fucking revolting & ended up throwing a glass at me."

That got her eyes open and she also sat up which caused her no end of pain. "What?"

"He was at the same bar we were at, he was a pain in the ass, all mouthy and I tried to ignore it but he goaded me. I swear though I didn't touch him, he just lost it when I told him to fuck off."

"Fucking hell, you are all dicks you know that."

"Whoa, hey. Back the truck up. I didn't start it and I didn't end it. I tried to walk away. It was your ex who was being a foul mouthed fucking pig." Sam stood up. "Come talk to me when you've taken a breath."

"He's always a foul mouthed pig, you should have walked away."

"Trust me Polly, I am." He walked out of the room. "Right now before I say something I will regret."

He didn't even bother to stay quiet, after bringing her in a glass of water and some headache tablets Sam banged around in the kitchen making himself lunch, he was starving since he missed breakfast. He cooked up some bacon, eggs and tomatoes and dished up two plates. Opening the bedroom door he told Polly that there was food on the table for her but didn't wait for her to come out.

"Thanks." She mumbled when she finally sat down, the smell of breakfast luring her out of bed in her dishevelled state.

"You feeling okay?"

"Very seedy." Tentatively she started to eat, she was starving but felt like utter shit at the same time. You knew food would make you feel better but on the other hand you were never quite sure it was going to stay put for long enough to work its magic. "How's your face?"

"It's fine." It wasn't exactly a pleasant conversation and Sam had no interest in making it so until she apologised or at least bothered to try and find out what went on. "CPD called, asked me if I wanted to press charges. I said no."

"Charges?"

"Yes, I was assaulted remember." Sam wasn't making it easy for Polly, he was pissed that she thought he had anything to do with this; he was just there trying to defend her and ignore the fucking asshole. "Oh that's right, you don't remember because you just jumped to conclusions."

"Oh okay, you are pissed. I'm sorry. You want to tell me what happened or are you going to be pissy about it all day."

"I told you he was stirring up shit all night, I didn't touch him but he kept at it and said some shit, I told him to fuck off and turned my back on him, he lost it, grabbed my shoulder and when I turned around he threw his glass at me." He pointed to the wound on his face. "Trust me, I wanted to beat the living shit out of him but I didn't."

"What did he say?"

"Doesn't matter." Sam waved her away.

"About me?"

"It doesn't matter Polly, it was drunken shit. He's a dick."

"Just fucking tell me, it's obviously pissed you off."

"Fine, he basically told me he assaulted you."

"What?"

"The night of the ball, he raped you." Sam was actually shocked that came out of his mouth. He had dismissed it last night but it had reared its ugly head while he was making lunch and he couldn't shake it. By the look on Polly's face she was as stunned as he was.

"What when? What are you talking about?"

"The night of the ball, when I dropped you off he said you said no but he fucked you good and proper and you liked it. You were a wild ride apparently."

"And you believed him?" That hurt more than Austin's putrid claims.

"No, no I didn't." He didn't want to believe it.

"Yes you did."

"Did he touch you?" He barely heard her. "That night, I know you didn't sleep with him again, but did he touch you."

"Not really. He tried; he grabbed my boob. I pushed him away and that was it."

"And any other time, he said all he had to do was grab you on the snatch..."

"Fucking stop Sam, I don't want to hear it. He didn't touch me again, I didn't sleep with him I told you this." Polly didn't know what to think. Was she angry with Sam or Austin? "It's not like you did anything." She went with being angry with Sam because he was here. "You could have stopped it."

"Stopped it? How? What exactly was I supposed to do?"

"You could have not let me go home." The tears that sprung from her eyes and tumbled down her cheeks didn't surprise Sam but it was a pretty painful blow knowing he'd caused this with his shitty attitude but he just wasn't ready to concede. Polly was angry with him and Sam was pissed off that Austin had caused him to be such an asshole to her. Listening to that shit Austin said last night was hideous and he just needed Polly to tell him nothing happened and she couldn't do that because he had assaulted her and he didn't know what to think.

"You have no idea how much I regretted letting you get out of my car." Sam was trying to get himself under control. The last thing he wanted was for Austin to come between them, he'd already caused him enough grief. "You have any idea what it was like to drive away from the person you are desperately in love with? Not knowing if I'd ever get the chance to tell you."

"I know what it was like to watch the person you love drive away. You've done it to me twice." Polly threw back at him as she wiped away her tears. "I loved you Sam."

"I know." He hadn't expected her to bring up the first time they broke up. "You know, I loved you back then too but I had to let you go, it was the right thing to do but don't think for one minute I didn't regret it." Even Polly, in her distressed state could see how much Sam was hurting. "Would you tell me if he hurt you?"

"Yes, because I know you'd still love me and help me. Nothing happened Sam; it was one small thing. I dealt with it; he threw vile things at me the next day. Told me I rejected him because he would then know how loose I was because I'd just slept with you, I know what he was insinuating. He still believes I cheated on him with you." Polly knew she had to tell him the rest of it and it made her feel sick and not because she was bothered by it but she knew how much it would upset Sam. "A few times, after that he tried to grope me and asked me to sleep with him, but nothing happened Sam I promise."

"So he did assault you?"

"No, not really. I wasn't worried about it and I don't want you to worry about it. Things were a little rough for a while but Sam it's in the past. I want to forget it, I moved on and I was more worried about what was happening with you."

"Polly, that's sexual assault." Sam was livid.

"You grope me."

"Don't you dare compare the two." He held up his hand defiantly.

"Look, a week before I even knew you were going to show up in my life again he did the same thing and you know what, we had fun. I could handle myself."

"It's not the same Polly, it's not." Why couldn't she see that?

"Sam, please. There is nothing we can do about it now. It's done; it's over." Bringing it up now or doing anything about it would just bring him back into her life and her life was so much better without him in it. "I am safe here with you and that's all I care about. Being with you makes me happy and I don't want Austin to come between us. I love you."

"I don't understand why you were with him?"

"We've talked about this, can we not do it again. It's over."

"Fine." He hated that she would always dismiss talking about why she was with Austin. He knew it had something to do with her previous boyfriend breaking her heart and he also suspected that their break-up played a role but she would never admit it. "You know, everyone in the bar heard him talking shit about you. I hated that. No one cared when CPD dragged him out of there." The more he thought about it the angrier he got. "I had to defend you."

"Ah…you are my hero."

"I should have fucking hit him."

"And then I'd be bailing you out. I am glad you didn't, he'd win then, he'd know he got to you. It's all a power play for him. Me leaving him wasn't in his plans, he was in control of that relationship, and he didn't control me as much as he wanted too but he was in control of our relationship. I prefer the balance we have here. All I care about now is being here with you."

"He needs to be put back in his box."

"Then why did you say no to pressing charges? You are just going to stew on it and blame me."

"Well, it's not worth the effort and maybe perhaps I understand why he's so angry." Sam grabbed his plate and cutlery and took it over to the sink. "Because I'd be pissed if I lost you."

"He didn't love me."

"I think he did Polly. Just not the way you deserved." Rinsing off the plate he started to clean up from his cooking. He had been angry while he was cooking and the kitchen was in a state of disarray.

"The way you do?"

"Something like that."

"Sam." Polly tried to talk to him but Sam wasn't in the mood just now and he disappeared into the shower. She finished cleaning up the dishes and curled up on the couch and waited for Sam to come back out.

"Feeling better?" Sam grabbed his bag and pulled out his laptop.

"Yes, thank you. Are you studying?" The food had helped but she still waxed and waned between feeling human and feeling like death.

"Yes, thought I may as well."

"You don't study on the weekend."

"Not usually but I thought I may as well do something useful with my time." He spread his books out on the table and reached for his headphones.

"Don't be a fucking asshole Sam."

"Okay." He closed his books, she was right; he was being an asshole. He needed time to process everything. Deep down he knew this was a possibility, that Polly had always held something back from him about those first few weeks he was back in Kenya. Now he needed to think about what he wanted to do about it. He had a fair idea but he wasn't ready to talk about it. "Do you want to do something?"

"Can we?" Polly decided she wanted to go to the Art Institute, she had wanted to see an exhibit that was ending soon and they were running out of time. They spent a sweet afternoon together and it wasn't until much later, as they climbed into bed that they even spoke about it again.

Sam let Polly curl into his side and whispered quietly in the dark. "I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that right?"

"I do."

"I won't put up with people talking shit about you."

"I know." She rolled over after a sweet goodnight kiss and Sam wrapped himself around her. "I love you."

"Good." And just before she fell asleep he kissed the back of her neck. "I love you too Polly, it's as simple as that."


	20. Birthday Girl

Sam slipped out of bed quietly before Polly woke. That was a feat in itself because he wanted to wake her up, it was the best part of all this crazy they lived through, waking up next to her, with her snuggled up beside him, because that's where she always was and they loved making the most of those first few minutes.

Today was special though and Sam left the house quietly.

Half an hour later he sent her a message.

 _'Gus will be there in 15 minutes to pick you up, dress warm. It's cold outside Baby.'_

Despite numerous replies Sam didn't answer her and Polly eventually gave up, showered and rugged up just as her brother arrived. "Don't know why I am here, but I was told to pick you up and deliver you, that's all." He muttered grumpily.

"Deliver me where?"

"Pfft….like I'll tell you. Get in the car Polly."

"How much did Sam have to pay you to do this?"

"Awww, Pol you know I'd do anything for you." Gus drawled and pretended that he did not mean a word of it. In truth he would, if she needed help he was there in a heartbeat but he enjoyed teasing his sister and when Sam came to him with his plan he was more than happy to go along with it and whinge about it at the same time. "This though, comes with a hefty price tag. It's freakin' early."

"How's Olivia?" Polly was surprised that Gus and Olivia were still going strong, her brother didn't have a great long term track record, even with those he really liked, give it a good six months and he was out of there. Now that Olivia had been around for more than a year and they were actually living together there was some hope that he might finally settle down.

"Lonely now that I was dragged out of bed to run this errand."

"Poor Gus."

"It's freakin' cold Polly. Next time Lover Boy wants to surprise you, he can call an Uber."

"I am sure he'll make it up to you. Aren't you going to the hockey on the weekend?" Sam and Gus got on well, sometimes too well and they would often catch up to watch a game and have a few beers and more than once Sam had staggered through the door three sheets to the wind after a night out with Gus. Polly did love that they got on; Austin had pretty much dismissed Gus, which had annoyed her. He asked him why on earth would he want to be a cop and told him that following in his parent's footsteps was unimaginative. That put the nail in the coffin of Austin and Gus ever getting along. Polly didn't need them to be best friends but she would have liked to have them in the same room sometimes without the hostility. Initially she had a go at Gus about it, but in reality she couldn't blame her brother for being pissed off.

"Yep." He pulled up at the edge of a park and Polly saw Sam standing beside a raging fire pit with two chairs and a table set up around it. "Hey, Happy Birthday Sis." Gus leant over and gave her a kiss on the cheek as Sam started walking towards the car. Gus loved the look of delight on his sister's face. This guy adored her and Polly was just as crazy for him and she deserved to be treated like a queen today.

"Good Morning Sweetheart." Sam waved at Gus as he left them to it. "Happy Birthday my beautiful girl." His kiss was long and slow and sweet. "Welcome to the dirty thirties."

"You're sneaky."

"Yes I am. Come on, time for breakfast. The day is young." He tugged on her hand and led her over to the picnic. The ground crunched beneath their feet as the made their way across the icy grass. It was quiet, no one else was mad enough to be out in the early morning cold except them, they were mad. Snow had that magical ability to make the world seem less chaotic. The city rose out of the frosty morning and fortunately the sun was starting to make an appearance in the clear blue sky. It was a perfect winters morning.

Settling down in one of the chairs, Sam draped a rug over her knees and handed her a plate of food. It was obvious that he had gotten his brother to prepare breakfast because Sam wasn't that organised, he could cook well enough he just didn't. Breakfast was all her favourites; smashed Avocado on toast, roasted tomatoes, rocket and bacon together with some fresh fruit, including Cherries and a bottle of champagne.

"This is perfect."

"Are you surprised?" Sam had tried really hard to make the whole day a surprise and he had hoped he had pulled it off.

"Yes, you are sneaky. I must remember that."

"Do you want your present now or later?"

"Can we do that in public?"

"Is that all you think I am good for? Sex?"

"It's such good sex though. That is a gift, each and every time."

Sam leant both hands on the arms of the chair Polly was rugged up in. Her nose and cheeks were glowing red from the cold but she looked so happy. "Are you warm enough?"

"Yes." Sam adjusted her beanie before he kissed her softly. "Happy Birthday Sweetheart. Welcome to the festival of Polly."

"I love it already. What's next?"

"Oh, it's a big day." Was all that Sam told her. "I hope you are well rested." Sam handed Polly and envelope. _'For my drunk ant, it's a return to the scene of the crime.'_

He took her to play mini golf, the scene of their first date. Polly squealed with delight, this was so much better than any actual gift he could have given her. Especially when he followed it up with lunch in a small café similar to the one they used to have their coffee dates after school and a long walk along the Riverwalk despite the cold.

Sam dropped Polly off at a day spa for an afternoon massage, manicure and Pedicure and promised to meet her at home. She had no idea what he had planned for the rest of the night but did tell her that when she got home all would be revealed.

When she walked into the apartment it was quiet yet the bedroom was filled with balloons and each one had a star hanging from it as they bounced off the ceiling and Sam was nowhere to be seen. The note on the bed gave her very little to go on. _'Dress up Baby, tonight you are the star of the show.'_ He had placed it on top of a dress that he had picked from the wardrobe. He wasn't controlling in any sense of the word and never told her what she could and couldn't wear but tonight he wanted her to look the part. Apart from the dress he had left the rest up to her.

On the bed was a present, with a note telling her to open it.

Just like she had given Sam a book for his birthday he had found an old leather bound copy of Little Women, her favourite book. Gently she opened the cover and ran her hands over the first page. It was beautiful but more than that, Polly couldn't remember the last time she talked about this book so the fact Sam knew it was her favourite made her teary. He just kept surprising her with everything he did.

Polly sent Sam a message to thank him and was simply told to be ready by 6pm. She tried her parents and got no answer so obviously they were in on this too and Gus was also suddenly elusive. So she just went with it, got herself ready and let the excitement build.

Polly never expected to be dropped off at the Planetarium. Sam met her, dressed up in a suit at the car and helped her out, his fingers curling around hers tightly. "Hi."

"Sam this is too much."

"No it's not. You look beautiful by the way." Despite the thick coat she was wearing Sam knew she'd look stunning, she always did and what he could see so far was pretty bloody good. Her hair was twisted up and away from her face and she wasn't wearing a lot of make-up because she didn't need it. "Happy Birthday."

As they got inside Sam helped her out of her coat and whistled appreciatively. Her black sequinned shift dress shimmered as she walked and it had been the perfect choice and he was in love with her black heels with straps that wrapped around her ankles that were covered in small spikes, however mortified he was when she told him how much they cost. Looking at them now though, they were worth every cent and she knew that he loved it when she wore them.

Inside waiting for them were Polly's entire family, including Al, Trudy, Jay and Kate, Kevin and his wife Paulette and Antonio and Sylvie. These people who had been around her since the day she was born. Sam's family were also there and all her friends, and she waved at Maya and Jack along with Chloe and a few work colleagues, including Alex and a few people from the zoo. Polly had certainly made herself at home there too; they loved it when she stopped by. She turned and looked at Sam, and by the look on her face he knew he had managed to pull it off, he'd surprised her. "How?"

"I'm sneaky remember." She buried her head in his shoulder for a moment, a little overwhelmed by all the attention.

Kim and Adam were the first to embrace Polly and her birthday festival was soon in full swing.

They danced the night away under the indoor stars; Sam certainly wasn't shy about making sure Polly's body was as close to his as possible during their one slow dance. There was no pretending he wasn't affected by her, there was no pretending to keep his distance, there was no pretending he wasn't crazy in love with her.

Kevin made sure he got in for a groove on the dance floor with his girl. Paulette had bought two children into their marriage and Kev had his boys and while he adored Maddi and Lacey, Paulette's teenage daughters, Polly had always been his girl.

"I feel a little old." Adam started. "It wasn't a night unlike this when I got home from work and caught Kim staring out at the peacefully falling snow, not knowing that peace was forever going to be a distant memory after that night. That night our lives changed forever when we saw our baby staring up at us, completely helpless but oh so beautiful. Although now I think of it she was probably looking at us thinking _'Do you two know what you are doing?'_ and in all honesty we had no idea. For almost nine months we had wondered and dreamed and yes completely freaked out about what our baby was going to become. And what a women she turned out to be. Thirty glorious years of wiping away her tears, among other less pleasant things, sharing her laughs, living her lows, enjoying her highs, celebrating her successes and watching her fall in love. She is spectacular, she is loved and adored by each and every one of you and for that her mother and I are grateful. I have loved being part of every minute of your thirty years Sweet Pea, even the shit minutes."

Adam had a tight grip on Kim's hand and Polly stood with both Sam and Gus, tears streaming down her face as Adam spoke. His speeches were few and far between but when he did it was always so heartfelt. "You, and your brother have bought us more joy than is actually fair. I hope one day you both get to be this happy. Happy Birthday Polly, you are our one in a million and I am forever grateful for that bout of food poisoning that your mother got that enable me to slip one through."

There was one final stop on the way home. Polly leant her head on Sam's shoulder as he drove. "Thank you for my present. It's beautiful, but how did you know I loved that book?"

"I remember you telling me once. I think we hadn't been going out long, it just stayed with me." Polly's hand was on his thigh and he covered it with one of his. "I think that should be our thing?"

"What?"

"Books. Let's build a library, so we can tell our story through books."

"You are amazing, you know that." Polly kissed his cheek.

Polly paid no attention to where Sam was going but she had wondered why he hadn't drunk much all night and when he pulled into the parking lot of the zoo she knew why.

He grabbed a couple of blankets from the trunk of the car and laid one on the cold metal of the bonnet and wrapped another one around Polly before he lifted her back up and placed both his hands either side of her. "Tell me to stop." He smiled cheekily.

"I don't want you to stop, ever." Polly ran her hand through his hair, gripped the back of his neck and crushed her mouth to his. "This should have happened that night."

"It's happening now Polly. I am so in love with you. I was that night, and now I can't live without you."

He slid her body down the car and pushed her skirt up. The warmth of Sam's hand made her gasp as lowered his head and kissed her bare leg as he wrapped one around his waist, feeling the spikes on her shoes dig into him a little and he liked it. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No." Polly fumbled with his belt as Sam worked her underwear off and slid her towards him and it was the perfect end to a perfect day. "Happy Birthday my beautiful girl, you amaze me everyday."

"Sam." Polly hung onto his neck. "This is it for me. Here with you, now. It's always been here. This is our place."


	21. Weight of The WOrld

Sam was in the shower when Polly came in. She sat on their bed, pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them. The weight of the world felt like it was on her shoulders, which was stupid because it wasn't that big of a decision. So why did it feel like it was. Everything was getting to her right now. She also had a particularly brutal case at work that was keeping her awake at nights.

It was what she loved, more than anything else this was what she was passionate about it. But being passionate about something and actually being able to follow that passion and live at the same time were too different things. You needed to pay bills and put a roof over your head. Those things mattered too.

"Oh, hey." Sam came out with a towel wrapped around his waist, he leant on the bed and kissed the top of her head. "When did you get home?"

"A little while ago."

He didn't miss the forced smile as he tossed the towel aside and pulled on pair of sweats. At the end of the day Sam was always desperate for a shower and something relaxed to wear. Not that cargo pants or shorts and a polo shirt were dressy but it wasn't often that he didn't stink at the end of the day. Those days Polly knew that he'd been in meetings or in the office all day and that usually meant he was grumpy. "You okay baby?"

"Sure."

"I don't believe you." He dropped down beside Polly and tugged on her legs until she relaxed a little and let Sam drape his arm over them. "What's up?"

"I had lunch with Alex Warner today."

"And?" They had a lot of conversations about Alex lately.

"He offered me a job again." He had been chasing Polly for years but she had never seriously considered it until now. Things had changed at DCFS, a new manager had just started and Polly wasn't enjoying the scrutiny she was under at the moment. It felt a little invasive. She was trying to shake it off but the longer it went on the more uncomfortable she felt.

"That's great." Sam wanted her to seriously consider the offer but she never took it seriously, he hoped that that was changing. Polly looked sideways at him. "Isn't it?"

"I guess."

"And?"

"I don't know."

"What are you worried about? You love doing stuff for the foundation." No matter what the topic he loved these moments they shared, just talking, planning and trying to figure out the road ahead. They had settled into this quickly, and they both felt they had found their groove and were learning a lot about each other. They both possessed a desire to succeed and work hard and that meant they didn't always get a lot of time together so they made the most of the times they were able to breathe. Every week the made sure they had a date night, sometimes they went out and other times it was a night at home with Netflix and a bit of chill.

"I do, but I love my job too." She chewed on her bottom lip, a nervous little habit she had and Sam found it cute. It meant she was thinking, and thinking hard. "I love helping those kids."

"You love helping any kids. This foundation thing is still helping, it's just in a different way."

"It's not just that?"

"No?"

"It's only three days a week, I can't afford to not work fulltime." Polly sighed as she flopped back on the bed. "I have rent and stuff to pay."

"If that's what you want to do, then do it and we will figure it out." Sam just shrugged, it didn't seem like a big deal to him. Trying to do the right thing by people sometimes stopped Polly doing the best thing for her. "Polly forget about everything else for just a minute. What do you want to do? Do you want the job?"

"I think I do."

"Then let's figure it out, the rent thing is not a big deal Polly, you know that."

Polly felt it was a big deal, when they moved in together it was on the proviso that they shared everything. Sam insisted that it shouldn't be a factor in her decision. He argued that they if they were serious about this relationship then they needed to do whatever it took for them to be happy and he really thought that this job would make Polly happy.

Polly didn't think she could ask Sam to support her. "It's not fair on you."

Sam pushed himself up off the bed. "What's not fair is that I've just had a shower and you haven't even tried to jump my bones yet despite my near nakedness." It was stupid to have a conversation about the splitting of rent and he didn't want to do it. If Polly wanted the job then he was happy for her to take it.

They talked about it over the next few days but Polly seemed reluctant to make a decision but she was forced to make a change the following week and they were thrown onto a rollercoaster and it was the first big challenge they had faced, even the blow out about Austin seemed to be a minor bump compared to this.

It had been a long time since Polly had seen Sam so angry. It took a lot to get him going, the only times she remembered was when Abbey's Mom hit her just after Abbey died and the incident at the beach house at Sam's 18th. When he did lose it though he was a force to be reckoned with. He never made Polly feel unsafe or threatened because it was never directed at her. Sam was very protective of not only Polly but also those closest to him.

"What the fuck?" Polly sensed the change in Sam instantly she told him. "What?"

"Am I being stupid?"

"What the fuck, no. Polly no fucking way."

Polly had been a little stunned at work and it took her a few minutes to let it sink in. "Excuse me?" She never in a million years thought she would be in this position.

"You have a problem?"

"Yes, yes I do." Now that Polly had gathered her wits that Ruzek attitude kicked in. "Is that directed specifically at me or more of a department directive."

"Well not all of you could pull it off. Sally's not going to get those boys to heel with those thunder thighs." Her boss leant back in his chair and eyed Polly up and down. "Unlike you."

It made her skin crawl. It wasn't even like Polly hadn't dealt with sleazy men before and she had put more than a few of them back in their place in a bar or club but she had never been exposed to it at work. She wasn't stupid; she knew it happened but never to her.

"So let me get this straight? You want me to wear a short skirt so I can flash my legs at 16 year old boys and get them to 'heel'…" She actually used air quotes as she tried to get her head around what she was hearing. "Boys who are already on the edge? Boys who have been abused, used drugs and who we are basically barely keeping out of jail."

"Sometimes you have to do whatever it takes. You could possibly be a bit more out there with this too. We'd all benefit from that." He waved his hands around his chest obviously indicating that Polly should show her cleavage more. "Polly you'd have them eating out of the palm of you hand in an instant."

"Right." Polly closed her notebook. She had thought this was a legitimate case conference and without saying another word she walked out of the meeting room, grabbed her bag and left the office. By the time she got outside she barely knew which was up so she wandered along the Riverwalk for a while trying to get over the shock and work out how she felt about it.

Polly had no idea how long she walked for but it wasn't until the sun dipped behind the buildings she realised how cold it had become and her jacket wasn't warm enough for the biting wind. She pulled it tighter around her shoulders as she hustled to the El Station and it was close to dark when she finally got home to the warmth and safety of their apartment. Sam wasn't home yet, he was on a later shift and it varied how long it took to lock down the zoo for the night and bed all the animals so she had a shower to warm up and Sam found her sitting on the couch in the half dark and when he flicked on the light he could tell by the look on her face that something was very wrong.

Sam stopped pacing and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was unbelievable. "Firstly. Are you okay? Did he touch you?"

"No, I am just a bit stunned to be honest."

"Like No he didn't touch you or No he didn't touch you like Austin didn't?" It still bugged him that Polly refused to talk about that. Austin certainly didn't enjoy his visit from Adam, not that he touched him but he did put the fear of god into him and not only did he get 'knocked about' in the holding cell by some random cell mate he was also dealing with the fall out that an assault charge and conviction bought about. Sam had pressed charges and Austin had been fined and placed on a community order. He had been suspended from work and faced a demotion at his law firm. Sam didn't have one ounce of sympathy for the guy. He wanted to press on with the sexual assault accusations but Polly refused so they settled for this. She had to admit it gave her some sense of satisfaction that he had finally got some comeuppance for his actions. Sam had done it to protect her and she couldn't be angry with him for that. "Please tell me this is the first time Polly?"

"No, he didn't touch me." She didn't like the subtle dig about Austin but she let it slide. They had come to an understanding about it, Polly was over it and she needed Sam's support not disappointment and constant reminders. "It was the first time. You know I didn't like him and there had been a few rumours circulating about why he was shifted sideways into this role."

"Really?" This was all news to Sam. Polly had told him she didn't like him but Julian hadn't done anything in particular apart from the micro managing. "Like what?" He was starting to get the idea that the extra focus Polly was getting wasn't about her work at all.

"Nothing specific. He had high turnover of staff. Women in particular and he came with a reputation of being a it of a pain in the ass but that's all and a hard task master."

"What did you do?"

"I walked out. I was too stunned to do anything else." Polly felt overwhelmed, not only from the incident but everything, including Sam's anger. She knew he was going to be angry but she also knew he would support her and help her. He was getting things straight in his head as he was pacing around the room but all she wanted at the moment was a hug.

"Did you report it?"

"No, not yet. Do you think I should?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely." Sam was adamant and did not even have to think for a second. "How would you feel if in ten years time you find out he's done more than just make some shit comments? What if he takes another step and goes too far and someone else suffers a worse fate? Can you handle knowing that you could have put a stop to it but did nothing?"

"You are putting a heavy burden on me."

"Yes I am, but it's the right thing to do, you know it and you are the right person to do it. Tell me, if someone came up to you and said 'you know what? He was like this years ago, he made me wear a short skirt, then he made me sit on his lap, then he assaulted me.' How angry would you be that they ignored it?" Sam didn't hold back. He firmly believed that the only reason this guy was like this was that he'd been allowed to get away with it for so long and he felt invincible. "What if next time you are in his office or whatever he doesn't just make a comment about what you should wear? What then Polly? Where does it stop? You've already let one person get away with sexual assault." It was a low blow but Polly knew exactly how Sam felt about all that. Despite their understanding he still hated it.

"Can you not?" Polly barked at him and Sam held up one hand and apologised. Now was not the time to bring that back up. "No-one will believe me. It was just him and me in that room today."

"That shouldn't matter Polly, you of all people know what happens when victims keep their mouths shut."

"Abbey?" Sam dropped to his knees in front of her when she buried her head in her hands and let out an anxious cry and she got the hug she needed.

"He can't get away with it Polly. What are the chances this was a one off?"

"I don't know. He told me sometimes you have to do what you have to do."

"You can stop it."

"I'll lose my job, I'll be branded a snitch, and I'll get that reputation."

"Bullshit." Sam spat out. "It's not going to happen, I won't let that happen, your parents won't let that happen. Sometimes you need to stand up, Polly you need to stand up because you have the strength to do it."

He knew that Polly had barely slept last night, she had tossed and turned and when she got up for a shower Sam cooked breakfast for them both. He had a bit of a later start today because he was on close again. "Are you going into the office?"

"No, I'm in court today."

"So you'll go after court and file your complaint. Sooner is better." He slid a plate in front of her with some fruit toast, cream cheese and sliced apple. He found it pretty gross but Polly loved it. "Then you can call Alex."

"Don't tell me what to do?" Sam was starting to overwhelm her a little.

"Fine." Finishing off his coffee he disappeared into the shower and left Polly a little pissed off.

As she headed into the bathroom to finish getting ready Sam apologised for pushing her.

"I am just trying to get my head around it and I need to focus today. It's a big case."

"I know. I am worried about you going back there, that's all. I don't want you to get hurt."

She could understand that, they just needed to balance each other out. Polly was a procrastinator and Sam was more impulsive. Figuring that out took time, time they didn't have right now.

Sam agreed to take it down a notch but not before he convinced her to call Alex and have a chat to him about the job to see if it was still on the table because he knew she wouldn't make the move until she was sure she had that behind her. Sam didn't care; she could be unemployed as far as he was concerned, Polly having a job was the least of his concerns.

Sam wanted her to take the job because he knew, without a shadow of a doubt she would love it. It was what Polly was passionate about. It was her sense of responsibility that was holding her back, to those kids under her care and to Sam and their life together.

She did call Alex and met him for a coffee after court. "I hope this is good news Polly." He didn't even bother with the small talk. Polly had called him; he'd told her there was an offer on the table a few weeks ago but that it wasn't staying there forever.

"I hope it is too. Is your offer still available?"

"Yes." He was ecstatic that Polly had decided, finally to join him and he insisted that he buy her dinner and invited Sam to come along. Over dinner Polly also told him about the sexual harassment and Sam kept his mouth shut but he was ecstatic when she called him earlier in the day and told him she had called Alex and wanted to take the job. "Are you sure it's okay? That we can manage."

"God Pol, yes. We will more than manage, I want this for you." He could see how happy Polly was later that night when they were having dinner. She had wanted this job for so long and he understood why she didn't take it, but circumstances had changed and it was time for her to follow her heart, not her head.

"Sam." Polly had gone to bed once they got home, she was exhausted but she tossed and turned for an hour before giving up. Sam had been startled when she came out and interrupted his study, He had stayed up late to catch up because he hadn't planned on going out for dinner so was a little behind where he needed to be.

"Sweetheart." He tossed his pen aside and focused on Polly for a moment, she looked tired and anxious. It was a look he was all too familiar with and he didn't love it. "What's up? Can I get you something?"

"Would you be disappointed with me if I didn't report it? If I just quit?"

He exhaled slowly feeling that this was about to get ugly. "Yes."

"You wouldn't support my decision?"

"No." He answered matter of fact and Polly looked hurt.

"You wouldn't support me?"

"Yes I would." He knew she would doubt herself, try and rationalise the behaviour and convince herself to take the least confrontational route. It was her way. "I would support you completely Polly, however not that decision. Never doubt my support for you, you've got that in spades and don't mistake my response for disappointment in you but I can be disappointed with things that you do or choose to do, doesn't mean I love you any less." Sam wanted to make that very clear. "But you can stop this, I know you can. I believe in you."

Polly turned to leave and she did look angry. If she wanted Sam to tell her it was okay to let this go then she had come to the wrong person for advice. Sam was in charge of people himself and he had seen women and men subjected to workplace bullying and harassment and he had seen first hand how that destroyed lives. Hell so had she, Abbey's life was destroyed by abuse. He wasn't going to tolerate it and he wasn't going to let Polly tolerate it either because it would eat away at her.

He could also imagine Adam's reaction if he let Polly ignore it. He'd be six foot under. "Polly don't walk away."

"Why not? You don't want to listen to me?"

"I never said that did I? You asked me a question; I answered it. If you want to tell me what's changed in the past few hours I am all ears."

"What good will it do?"

"Exactly what are you talking about? Talking to me, because I think that would do a shit ton of good or if you are thinking that reporting this asshole is a waste of time then I would like to hear why you think that."

"Sam, I am scared. Okay. Everyone is going to go apeshit. Dad will want to kill him." Sam admitted that he was totally with her Dad on that, hell he'd do it himself.

"Not helpful." She stood in front of him and folded her arms across her chest. "Sam, this isn't just about me, I feel like I am letting people down."

"Who?"

"The kids Sam, all those kids!" Flinging her arms around wildly he could see her agitation. "The ones I've fought for, they trust me and I am just throwing them back in the pool and telling them that their lives aren't as important as mine."

Now she was getting there. He was starting to understand why she was worried. "You've shown them that their lives are important and you've also taught them to stand up for themselves and to fight. That's what you are doing."

"It doesn't feel like it."

"Baby." Sam tugged on her hand and pulled her down into his lap. "Are you willing to look these kids in the eye and say, hey I know you've been abused and I know I am telling you to speak up, but I didn't do that. I didn't speak up when I had the chance. Are you?"

"It's not that easy."

"Never said it was easy Baby, it's the reason they are called tough decisions."

"What if I ask him to think about what he said and apologise and promise never to do it again?"

"I think you know my answer to that?"

She looked a Sam for a moment and he just caught her tears as the trickled off her jaw. "I do." Polly begged him to come to bed with her, at least until she was asleep. She wanted to feel his arms around her so he came to bed, and set his alarm to get up at 4am to finish his study before he went into work.

"I'm going to give you ten minutes to think about what you've said and give me one good reason why I shouldn't report you?" Polly had been called into Julian's office the moment she arrived in the office. He drilled her about the court cases yesterday and she answered them all with as few words as possible.

"What are you talking about?"

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Be smart Polly. Careers can be destroyed in an instant…" he clicked his fingers. "…false accusations and hysterical ranting never go over well. Not everything needs to be deemed offensive. You are a bit precious aren't you? I thought with your Dad being a cop you'd have tougher skin."

"Is that your answer?" Polly had no idea how he knew her Dad was a cop; they had never had a personal conversation about her family and Adam's job had always been held close to her chest, Intelligence played in the grey and the less people that knew that the better.

"That was a confidential client discussion. What happens in this office stays here."

"Okay." She rested her hand on the doorknob. "Last chance?"

"Don't be stupid Polly. As a woman the last thing you need is a reputation as a flaky thin skinned social worker following you around." Polly did not even stop at her desk and by the time she got up to HR Julian had already called to request an appointment to make a complaint about her. She filed her complaint and her resignation at the same time.

"Come In." Sam barely looked up from his computer at the knock on the door. "Hey Baby." The sight of his girlfriend certainly put a smile on his face. "Come in." he beckoned as he finished off an email.

"You busy?" She closed the door behind her, if Sam's door was closed people knew he was busy and didn't just barge in. He was very open door; if he was available people could come and go as they needed. Polly needed him to be just with her for a few minutes. Nobody batted an eyelid when Polly was here anymore.

"For you, No."

As Polly dumped her bag on the couch Sam sat on the edge of his desk and held his arms out waiting for her. "So?"

"Well I am unemployed." She slid her arms around his waist as she stepped between his legs and rested her head on his chest. The comfort of his arms was all she needed at the moment and she got them.

"Are you okay?" He'd hopefully learned his lesson, he was trying to keep himself in check and show her that he was there to support her and not push his views and values down her throat. That wasn't going to work. It had been a difficult time for Polly and she had been devastated and taken things hard and Sam pushed her too far to quickly.

"I'm sad and I'm mad."

"You're Smad?" Sam made her chuckle just a little. They'd certainly been on an emotional rollercoaster the past few days. "How did it go?"

"I gave him a chance to explain or repent or whatever and he basically told me I was hysterical, easily offended and would ruin my career." He just let her talk. "I reported him to HR."

"I'm so proud of you Baby."

Polly leant back and sucked in a deep breath as the room started to spin a little. She felt Sam's arms around her hold her up as she felt everything settle. "I feel like shit."

"You did the right thing Baby, you know you did."

"I know but Sam, physically I feel like shit."

"Let me guess breakfast was the last thing you ate?" One thing Polly wasn't was a stress eater. " And I noticed you didn't eat a lot of that, I'll get you some lunch."

"You are busy."

"No, I'm not. Nothing that can't wait anyway. I need to feed you before you pass out and considering you are a poor unemployed person now it's my buy." Sam ordered them some lunch from the café and got it delivered to his office.

"What an idiot." Sam almost choked on his salad sandwich. Polly was telling him how Julian came flying out of his office in a rage when she sent an email.

The first he knew about Polly's resignation was an email from Polly stating that an untenable working environment meant she was leaving effective immediately. She made a list of her cases and made notes as to whom she thought should take them over, which Julian promptly screwed up and threw in the bin beside her desk. Polly however had already emailed it to both HR and the director. She thanked those she wanted to thank and deliberately failed to acknowledge her manager.

"He got all red in the face and was saying 'What the fuck did you do' in front of everyone and yelled for security to come but they'd already been informed and I was happy to be escorted out."

"You did a perp walk didn't you?" Sam was proud of her; she could hear it in his voice.

"I did. Dad would be proud. I get the feeling not many people have stood up to him before and he lost it."

"Until my Baby did."

"Yep." Polly leant over and kissed him. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Believing in me, supporting me and helping out a broke unemployed girl."

"Anytime." Sam grabbed the back of her neck as she went to pull away "Where are you going? I've still got half an hour."

"That's not long enough."

"I can be quick." He ran his hand up her leg. "Now if only you were wearing a shorter skirt."

"I hope that it's only me you talk to like that." She pushed his hand away despite how much she could easily give in; it would certainly go along way to cheering her up.

"Hmmm…" Sam was kissing his way down her neck. "You are the only one who I'd heel for."

"Down boy." Polly finally untangled herself from his octopus like arms. "On a day I quit my job over inappropriate sexual behaviour in the workplace I hardly think having sex in your office is a smart move."

"It wouldn't be the first time though would it?" Sam groaned as he let her go. "Ah fuck Polly."

She patted his cheek. "But tonight when you get home I promise I will wear a short skirt."

"The black lace one." It was the skirt she wore the first night they had a drink together after the meeting about the dinner. It was the night they set this train in motion. It seemed like a lifetime ago now but it was a night neither of them had forgotten.

"Anything for you Baby. Anything."

"What you gonna do today? With all this free time on your hands." Sam would have been happy for her to hang out in his office all day but Polly was grabbing her bag as he packed up the leftover lunch. If Sam was working on weekends Polly would come in and hang out, do some work or just read a book. She left him alone to do his work but it was nice having her there some days. Today he wouldn't have minded because he just wanted to make sure she was okay.

"Going to see the toughest woman I know."

Sam pulled her in for a goodbye kiss. "Say Hi to your Mom for me." He was so proud of her despite how much the last few days seemed to take it out of her.

As soon as she left he jumped online and sent her some flowers. ' _You are going to do amazing things; I can feel it. I am in awe of you, and I love coming home to you everyday. I can't wait to watch you shine.'_

"Every now and then I look up from this mountain of paperwork and get a nice surprise." Kim was surprised but delighted to see her daughter knocking on her door. She liked nice surprises because they didn't happen a lot in this place, although on the odd occasion it was Adam and he had an extraordinary ability to get her blinds closed in a very short space of time. He was such a randy bugger; age had certainly not wearied him.

"You got time for a break?"

"Sure, just give me five." Kim signed off the current report she was reading and sent it off but she was acutely aware at how on edge Polly seemed.

"So no work today?" Kim led her to her favourite hole in the wall café. It was a little noisy and Polly started to feel anxious. The constant noise of people coming and going, shouting their orders over the din and phone conversations was grating so she found a table way back in the corner while Kim ordered.

"Technically, right now I am unemployed."

"Since when? Did you decide to take the BraveHearts job?" Like Sam, Kim was keen for Polly to take the job because she knew how much she loved doing it, however she was a little shocked that Polly hadn't mentioned changing jobs or giving notice and that was something that she would always talk to her Mom about.

"I did. I start Monday."

"Congratulations." Kim squeezed her arm excitedly. "Why the concerned look then? It's what you wanted isn't it? Is it Sam?"

"Sam has been wonderful. He's really happy for me and he really wanted me to take it. I am really excited, it's just been a bit of a rollercoaster the last few days and today it all came to a head." Polly was running one finger around the edge of her mug.

'What did?"

She took a deep breath, hoping that her voice didn't betray her because for the first time today she actually felt like crying. The adrenaline was wearing off and it was starting to overwhelm her. "I had to quit."

"Not sure I am following Polly."

"I had a run in with my boss, Julian."

That had Kim's attention and she sat up a little straighter. "What kind of run in? What's going on Polly?"

"He was inappropriate. He asked me to wear short skirts and get my tits out to get control of some 16-year-old boys. To make them 'heel' to be precise."

Kim's first reaction was disbelief. "He did not?" But it was quickly replaced with anger. "Are you kidding me? How long Polly? Are you okay? Did he touch you?"

"You sound exactly like Sam when I told him." Polly forced out a little laugh although nothing about any of this was funny. "It only just happened a couple of days ago. I was pretty shocked and I reported him to HR today and then I quit."

"Good Girl."

"Mom, it was pretty horrible. I don't get how these type of men are still around." The tears just ran unchecked down her cheeks and Kim slid into the seat beside her daughter and held her hands as they shook.

"Because people let them get away with it."

"I feel grateful that I was bought up by you and Dad. I felt that Burgess Ruzek fight coming through."

"That's all the confirmation I need to know that we did a good job." Kim felt an unexpected emotion flow through her. It was almost like she felt vindicated for fighting so hard and so long for her kids. They'd been in hell with them and sometimes wondered if they'd done the right things but hearing Polly talk about how she felt that fight within her, well then that made it all seem worth it.

"And Sam." Polly continued. "Sam has been so wonderful. He has been supportive and he encouraged me to do what's right. He wanted me to take the BraveHearts job, he always has and when I talked about not paying my way with rent and stuff he wouldn't listen. He wants me to be happy and I feel lucky that I have him in my life."

"He's a smart boy."

"He was really angry though, so angry. I thought he was going to march down there himself and rip Julian a new one. And speaking of angry men, Dad's going to lose his shit isn't he?"

"Yep."

Kim did ask them to come for dinner but Polly declined. She was a little exhausted and starting to feel emotionally battered so a night at home with Sam was all that she wanted and there was that promise she made to him. He'd be annoyed if he got home and found out they were going out again.

Dad was next on Polly's hit list. "Ruzek." he barked into his phone, not even bothering to look at the number.

"Sorry Dad, I can call you later." Polly could tell he was working; she could hear the cars and people talking around him and the rush of wind in her ear coming through the phone. Today was bitterly cold and the wind was icy and it literally took your breath away.

"Sorry Sweet pea. I am a little busy right now. What can I do for you?"

"It's okay Dad. I was going to stop in and see you but you are out and busy."

"Okay." Polly waited while he finished talking to someone else. It was something she was used too. "Maybe in a couple of hours Pol? I'll give you a call back."

Adam could hear how disappointed she sounded which made him a little wary. He didn't want to be a dick and blow her off; he never wanted his kids to think they couldn't call him if they had a problem. He was never too busy for them but sometimes they just needed to wait and he'd always get back to them. "You okay Darlin?"

"Yep, Dad. I'm fine. I'll talk to you later and don't worry. It's good news."

"You are moving back home, have vowed to remain a spinster and look after me when I am old and cranky?"

"You are already old and cranky Dad."

"Whatever. Talk soon." He hung up abruptly and Polly wasn't the least bit surprised.

It was a good two hours before Adam called Polly back and she was now at home so he stopped in. Polly made him a coffee and slid it across the bench towards him. "Nice flowers." He whistled at the very impressive bunch of flowers that had been waiting on the doorstep for her when she got home. "Don't show your Mom, she'll start nagging me."

"Too late, I sent her a photo. You should buy her flowers, she's earned it." Of course she had already sent the photo to Kim, she made Adam's life hard sometimes. He didn't waste money on flowers, Kim very rarely got them but he did show her he loved her in other ways and when he did Kim was blown away. Sometimes sending flowers was easy and a cliché and a cop out, Adam put more effort into things, just not very often.

"By doing what?" Being lectured by his daughter on how to be romantic was not a new thing. Sam had a lot to answer for apparently. He was far to into this shit for Adam's liking.

"Putting up with you."

"Is that why Sam sent them?"

Polly pulled up a stool next to her Dad. "Funny. He sent them to congratulate me on my new job."

"BraveHearts?"

"Yes."

"Good for you." Adam couldn't help but notice that Polly's hands were shaking. He was onto her. Sometimes Polly hated that her Dad could read her like a book. "What's up Baby Girl?"

"Oh, it's been a really hard few days."

"What has?"

"Dad, I had to quit, I made a complaint to HR. My new boss…." She didn't even get a chance to finish.

"Did he fucking touch you?"

"No, no. I swear Dad. He didn't but he did make some inappropriate comments and suggestions." That was probably what was making Polly more nervous than anything, the reaction of her Dad and as she predicted it wasn't pretty.

"I'll fucking kill the prick."

"Calm down for god's sake. Let me finish."

Adam looked like he had been smacked on the nose with a rolled up piece of paper and he held up his hand to apologise and waited for Polly to continue. "I reported him to HR this morning, the director also knows. I don't know if it's the first time or the last, but I know I did the right thing."

"Of course you did."

"Because I am half Burgess and half Ruzek." Polly puffed out her chest dramatically.

"You are a Burzek." Adam chuckled.

"That sounds like an illness."

Polly went through the whole incident in minute detail. Adam demanded it. He had never stopped being 100% invested in his kids. They were adults, but anything that affected them, affected him. He wanted to be able to go home and dissect this with Kim. She would let him rant and rave and carry on like a pork chop and then she would remind him that they made her and that's why she was able to handle this hurdle like a pro.

And he wanted all the facts so he could snot this Julian given half the chance. "Sam was ropable. He was so angry."

"Well if he wasn't I'd make you pack your bags right now and come home."

"I think he'd fight you on that. Sam's been great, he was pretty angry and wanted to kill him, a bit like you actually."

Adam had to go, he drained the last of his coffee and put the mug in the sink. Before he left he wrapped his arms around Polly and kissed the top of her head. "You know Polly, don't tell him though, I like this Sam guy."

"I know Dad."

"How do you know?"

"When you actually hand him a beer instead of telling him there is one in the fridge if he wants one." Polly followed him to the door. "And you call him kid."

"Yes well, don't tell him that." He chuckled and kissed her cheek. "I'm proud of you, congratulations on your new job and keep me informed about this asshole. I can make him go away you know."

"Thank you Sergeant Ruzek."

Polly disappeared into the bedroom as she heard the front door opening. She'd had a sleep once her Dad left, caught up with Maya, who was equally pissed off and excited for her as everyone else. They organised to catch up tomorrow for lunch to dissect the whole thing in minute detail.

"Hey Baby." She could hear Sam dumping his bags and kicking off his boots.

"You are home." Polly sauntered out of the bedroom and Sam's eyes were wide like saucers.

"Holy fuck Pol."

"You said you wanted me to wear my black lace skirt, so I am." She ran her hands over the lacy material as she wiggled her hips at him. "You didn't say what I should wear it with."

And because of that she had on the skirt…and that was it. Sam didn't need an invitation he literally flew across the room and slammed into her body as he kissed her. Bending his knees slightly he lifted her up and Polly wrapped her legs around his waist. Sam's fingers dug into her thighs. "Oh you are kidding me?" He groaned as he felt nothing and he quickly dumped her on the bed and sure enough the black lace skirt was the only thing she had on. "I'm supposed to be congratulating you."

"I think you know what to do." Sam was on his knees in an instant and gave Polly a mighty gift.

"Thank you for being on my side." Polly was stretched out on top of him as Sam tried to catch his breath.

"I'll always be on your side if that's the thanks I get?"

"You make me good."

"Nah, Baby. I'm just the cherry on top."


	22. This Couldn't Be It

Polly got the call just before lunch. Gus didn't often call her during work hours unless it was an emergency so even seeing his name on her phone made her heart race. "Hey Pol."

"What's wrong?"

"I think you might want to come to Med. Dad's been hurt." The moment the words come out of his mouth she started shutting down her computer and shoving it in her bag. She had only been working here for six weeks and so far she loved it. Polly thought she had a good idea about what went on a BraveHearts but she had only really just scratched the surface. It was challenging her and that was probably what she loved the most. It was hard to focus some days, they'd hit some speed bumps along the way but Polly loved coming into work each and every day. They had compromised and negotiated a seven-day fortnight and that appeased Polly's sense of obligation to paying her own way.

"Is he okay? What's wrong? What happened?"

"Slow down."

"Fuck that Gus, tell me."

"He's unconscious, he was hit by a car, some drug dealer or piece of shit trying to evade arrest apparently. That's all I know." Gus was pacing in the hallway of the emergency room. "It's pretty bad Pol."

"Where's Mom?" she was already running for her car. The parking lot was slippery, slick with ice and she almost went guts up a few times and knew that she had to slow down for her own safety. Easier said than done though when you were panicking and rushing.

"She's here. They have just sent him off for x-rays and a CT scan. They think he'll need surgery." Kevin had gone and picked Kim up as soon as Adam had been transported. They didn't want her just getting a phone call; she needed someone to hold her hand on the way to the hospital. He'd done it before and he'd do it again.

"I'm on my way. He's going to be okay right Gus?" It wasn't the first time they'd got these phone calls and they were never anything but terrifying. She had no idea how her Mom kept doing it, this was the fourth time her Dad had ended up in hospital in a bad way because of the job.

"Yeah I hope so. Hey Pol, I gotta go the Doctor is here to talk to Mom."

"Gus." She cried a little desperately.

"Just get here Pol." Before she left the car park she sent a message to Alex, who was out of the office today and told him she had taken off early because her Dad was injured and she tried to call Sam.

Adam was back from his tests by the time Polly got there. He was intubated, still bloody and her Mom was sitting beside him clutching his hand and watching his face for any tiny little sign that he was with them. Polly had tried to call Sam again but only got his message bank and eventually she threw her phone in frustration. "Oh God." Her hands flew to her face when she saw him and Gus propelled himself out of the chair as she came in. She actually felt like she was going to vomit.

He wrapped his arms around his sister and Kim's eyes never left Adam's face.

"Mom."

Kim's head snapped around when she heard Polly's voice. "Come here Sweetheart." Kim held out her hand and Polly slid her arms around her Mom and rested her chin on her shoulder.

"Is he okay?"

"He will be."

Polly was just about to ask what happened when they were interrupted by one of the Doctors. He put a few x-rays up on the light box and had a good look. "Not too bad considering.." He paused and turned to look at them. "…but there is some good news and some bad news." Gus had come to stand beside both of them, his hands on their shoulders as Kim squeezed Adam's hand.

"The good news, his x-rays are better than we expected. His neck and spine look good but he has fractured his femur along with a few broken ribs and clavicle."

"I thought you said good?" None of this sounded good to anyone but Gus was the only one to speak.

"It is good. Minimal displacement of the bone and no internal bleeding. He's in a lot better shape than we initially thought. He will need to have his fractured leg pinned in surgery though."

"And the bad news?" Still Gus was the only one capable of speaking.

"There is some swelling on his brain." Kim gasped and Gus tightened his grip on both his mother and sister. "Now it appears to be mild and all his other tests are within normal limits so we are hopeful."

"But?"

"We will keep Adam in a medically induced coma for the foreseeable future to make sure it doesn't get any worse and until it starts to subside." Why did Doctors always manage to make shit like this sound like a good thing?

"How long?"

"I can't tell you that but I would prepare yourself for at least a week." Gus felt Polly's legs give out a little and he tightened his grip to stop her falling.

"A week?" It may as well been a year. It was going to be the longest week of their lives.

"All going well, yes. It is the best chance he has of making a full recovery. Adam has had a significant head injury and while I don't consider it life threatening at this stage I want to do everything possible to ensure it stays this way." His next sentence just about shattered Kim. "We won't know what damage has been done until he wakes up."

All Kim could do was nod as the tears poured down her face. He couldn't leave her now; they had so much left still to do and the only thing that was keeping her breathing was their two children; clinging to her desperately. The love they had for their father was only ever eclipsed by her own love for him.

"We'll be moving him up to ICU shortly. While he is stable we won't operate on his leg. It may be 24-48hrs until we operate. We don't want to put him under increased risk of an anaesthetic until everything is a little clearer with his head injury."

Kim couldn't speak, she just rested her head on the bed, slipping his hand under her cheek and closed her eyes. It never got easier, if anything it got worse. When was his luck going to run out, perhaps it already had? Vaguely she was aware of the hands on her back, her children and that was comforting but she couldn't look at them, she couldn't stand to see their devastation.

No, this couldn't be it. He would fight, he was a fighter and he'd told her recently that he felt like they were just hitting their stride. It had been up and down a bit without the kids around constantly and it took a bit of adjusting to life without them. They hadn't really had much time on their own and now they were flying along, planning holidays, going out for dinners, to the movies and catching up with old friends. They had plans and Adam wasn't stuffing them up by pulling this shit.

Gus was close to his Dad now, they were best friends and he was always someone he turned to for advice, guidance and reassurance. They talked just about every day. For the longest time he was jealous of his sister and the relationship she had with their Dad but as he got older he realised that they were two separate things and Adam valued each of them equally. He didn't get the late night chats but he got his Dad at all his games, with him when he went running and now he got to share his career with him.

It wasn't always that easy though, Gus had rebelled for a while through his late teens and he butted heads with his Dad on more than one occasion. Adam was pissed off every time he had to go sort out one of his son's messes. He'd picked him up from more cop cars than he could count, they'd call him and let him know that Gus was drunk and disorderly or at some out of control party. Gus was a little too much like his Dad; right down to the string of broken hearts he left trailing behind him.

Suddenly Gus realised, with help from Adam who never took a backwards step that he needed to get his head on straight or there was no way he'd make it through the application process to the Academy even with his parent's help.

As soon as he hit the Academy his Dad had been onto him, he pushed him to do better, like Adam's Dad had done to him and when he did he celebrated his achievements just as much. When he graduated he gave Gus his great grandfather's watch, the exact watch that Bob had given his son when he graduated and the look of pride on his Dad's face was almost better than the feeling of having that badge pinned to his chest.

The night before Gus's graduation they'd gone out as a family to celebrate and when Gus woke up the next morning Adam's badge was beside his bed. He wasn't ashamed to admit he shed a couple of tears when he saw it. It was a long time since his Dad had done that and Gus was surprised he remembered, but then again his Dad remembered everything. Adam always left his badge beside Gus's bed when he'd got back from an UC operation so that when he woke up in the morning he knew his Dad was home safe.

He'd done it for years. Gus didn't actually remember when it started, just that he'd always done it. Apparently he'd gone away on a long assignment when they were little and was away for three months and neither Gus nor Polly coped very well. The night he got back he'd snuck into Gus's room and left it there. When he woke up the next morning he'd squealed, _'like a girl'_ Adam would remind him and came charging into their bedroom as fast as his little legs could carry him, clutching his badge and yelling his name and climbed onto the bed and into his Dad's arms. Ever since that day Adam had always left his badge beside Gus's bed if he was home late after a big job or had been away for a while.

It was sitting on the locker beside Adam's bed now with all his other personal items and when he picked it up and Kim noticed. "You can hang onto that Sweetheart."

"You don't mind."

"Your Dad would want you to hold it for him, just until he needs it again."

Kim turned back to face Adam, she couldn't handle seeing her son's tears.

Sam's day went from bad to worse as soon as he got back to his office and saw the six missed calls on his phone; five from Polly and one from Gus. He'd left his phone on his desk while he met with the Vet. He hadn't been home since he left for work the previous morning because one of his lions wasn't doing so good. He'd slept at the zoo and woke up every hour to check on her, Polly had come in for dinner the night before and stayed with him for a few hours but she'd gone home eventually. It had been a long day already, he hadn't gone back to bed after he checked her at 3am and she was starting to deteriorate but finally they'd had some good news from the Vet and he started to relax a little. It was the first real issue he'd had since he'd been here and the thought that he'd have to euthanize one of his animals didn't sit well with him. Sometimes it had to be done, it was part of the job but it was always a last resort and it was the hardest part of what he did. Luckily he seemed to have avoided making that decision for now.

Sam wouldn't have to make the big decision on his own; he took advice from the Vet, always got a second opinion and it was protocol that two Head Keepers had to agree but at the end of the day it was his responsibility and his call and he would stay until the end. Today was his lucky day, right up until he saw all the missed calls from Polly. She was not like this, she didn't call him ten times a day and if she did call him and left a message she knew he'd get back to her when he could and just left it at that, today he knew something was wrong. Particularly when he saw the call from Gus.

He frantically checked the messages that Polly had sent before calling her so he knew she was okay and while that was a relief he knew that Adam wasn't.

Polly barely got his name out and burst into tears as soon as she saw it was Sam and had quickly dashed out of the room to answer it. She felt hot as the harsh lights beat down on her and typically ICU's were kept warm to help the patients. It was a sad indictment on how many times Polly had been in here because she knew that.

"Is your Dad ok?"

"He's in ICU."

"What happened?"

"He was hit by a car. He's in a coma, like a medically induced one because of the brain swelling or something, a few broken bones, he needs surgery." Sam could barely understand what she was saying. "Can you come?"

"I am on my way Baby." He just needed to let someone know he was leaving and make sure the Lioness was supervised. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes. I am just worried about Dad." Sam hated this, Polly in tears was his kryptonite; it bought him to his knees every single time.

Polly was in sitting with her Dad when Sam arrived at the hospital. Kim had just gone to the bathroom and she didn't want Adam to be alone for even a second so Polly was with him. Gus was in the waiting room talking to a superior Officer or so Sam assumed, and Kevin was with him, he hadn't left since he'd bought Kim in. Sam excused himself when Sam bolted down the corridor. "Is Adam ok?"

"Yeah, no change. Polly's with him, I'll go and tell her you are here." He filled Sam in a few more of the details of the accident but all Sam wanted to do was see Polly and make sure she was okay. Gus could tell that by his jerky head nods. Kevin put a steadying hand on Gus's shoulder; this was the first time Gus was taking on the burden of being the head of the family. The doctors were talking to him, Kim was deferring to him and Polly was leaning on him.

Kevin was letting him handle it but was always just behind him. They'd been friends, best friends for more than thirty years and Adam had sat beside his bed and stood behind his family on more than one occasion and now it was his turn to help his family stay upright. They weren't little kids now though, they were adults so Kev was going to let them handle things and he was going to support them until the end.

"How's she doing?"

"Waiting for you." Gus nodded before disappearing through the doors to the ICU just as Kim came back. Sam swung around when he felt a hand on his back and was surprised to see Kim, she thanked him for coming and Sam wrapped his arms around her and he felt her knees weaken just a little so he held onto her until she pushed away from him and whispered that Polly was coming out of the ICU doors. "I need to get back to Adam. Take care of Polly please." Kim was grateful that this was one thing she didn't need to worry about; she knew Sam would handle that for her. He hadn't been back in her life for long but he was all in.

"Hey Baby." He caught Polly as she flung herself into his arms. "I'm here."

"He needs to be okay. I need him to be okay, I need him." Polly clung to him as she dissolved into tears.

"I know Baby. He's tough, Gus told me he's hanging in there." Sam led her over to the chairs that were lined up against the wall. The room was full of cops, most of Adam's team but they left the two of them alone for a few minutes. Sam pulled her down into his lap; he could feel how unsteady on her feet she was.

He was rubbing her back and whispering to her, trying to calm her down as the sobs wracked her body. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." He felt Polly nod her head.

"You sure?"

"Yes Sam. Don't worry, it's Dad we need to worry about."

"I know, and I am worried but…" Kissing her forehead "I am going to worry about you too okay?"

"Okay." Polly explained to Sam what was going on with Adam and while it didn't sound great, the fact that the Doctors were pretty confident he wasn't in any immediate danger was a bonus. The biggest concern was the uncertainty of his head injury.

"So, do you have to go back to work? How's it all going?" She couldn't really remember all the details when she talked to him earlier in the morning but she did know it wasn't going well and he'd called in the Vet in the early hours. Right now her mind was just a fog but she was glad he was here and needed to talk about something else for a few minutes.

"Better, it was touch and go but we think we've figured it out now and she's doing okay right now, the anti-biotics have kicked in and she picked up a little, hopefully that continues. The next 24 to 48hrs will tell us a lot. I told them to call if I'm needed so I might have to go back but not until I know you are okay."

"I am fine." Polly lifted their entwined hands and kissed his fingers. "If you have to go back it's okay. We have half of CPD here and Kevin is not going anywhere and Gus is here and you know what he's like." Sam had no concerns that someone would be here for Polly if he needed to leave, Kevin would help her and he was pretty sure Al and Trudy would be here in the blink of an eye. He still didn't want to leave her though.

"I'd rather be here." He shifted a little and Polly jumped off his lap and sat in the chair next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You tired?"

"A little."

"Then close your eyes while you've got the chance." Poly did two things when she was stressed, she stopped eating and she slept. For Sam sleep didn't come easy if his mind was worried about things but Polly was the opposite and that's how she coped, because if she was awake she worried. He was a little jealous of her narcoleptic tendencies.

Polly dozed for half an hour or so while Sam talked to Gus, Kevin and returned a few messages as he tried to keep in touch with the zoo. Eventually he would have to go back to work and when the Vet called to say that things had suddenly taken a turn for the worse with the Lioness he had to leave. Polly walked him out to his car and leant on him for a few moments before he left but not before stealing one more hug. "Call me if you need to, if anything changes, or just call me to say hi. I don't know when I will get back."

"Good Luck."

Sam kissed her quickly and ran his hand over her cheek and Polly leant into it for a moment. "Go inside, warm up. It's cold out. Love you Baby."

It was almost eleven before Sam got back to the hospital and Polly was still there, along with Gus and her Mom. She was asleep on the small sofa in the family room, her head resting on Gus's shoulder. "Hey Man, how's it going?"

"No change. He's stable. You want to take over and I'll go see if I can get Mom to take a break."

"Has she eaten? Either of them?" Gus eased his way out and Polly stirred but quickly resettled on Sam as he eased her down so that her head was on his lap and he stroked her forehead softly until she seemed to drift off again.

"Not much."

Sam closed his eyes for a bit. It had been pretty shit going back to work and in the end they couldn't save the Lioness. So all round it had been a crappy day and now Sam just wanted to take Polly home, the last thing he wanted was to spend the entire night sleeping on a tiny sofa in a hospital waiting room because he wasn't leaving Polly here by herself. He needed some sleep too; he'd been on the go since 3am only catching an hour in his office just before lunch. Convincing Polly to leave her Dad's side thought wasn't going to be easy or pretty.

When Polly started to move Sam woke up. "Hey sleepy head."

"You're back."

"I am. How are you?"

Polly sat up and stretched. She reached out for Sam when her head spun a little. "Whoa." He steadied her a little. "You okay."

"I just sat up too quick." She hadn't eaten or had much to drink and felt dehydrated and nauseous. She licked her lips and they felt dry. The combination of not drinking enough and sitting for hours in this overheated room had taken its toll. "How's Dad? Where is Gus?" She looked around the waiting room, which was pretty much empty now.

"He's just gone to try and get your Mom to come and take a break."

"I'll go sit with him and Mom can go home for a bit." Polly wearily rubbed her hands over her face.

"How about Gus stays and I take you and your Mom home?"

"I don't want to leave."

"Neither does your Mom, come on Pol. A couple of hours sleep in a real bed, something to eat and drink and a shower then you can come back."

"I don't want to go." The conversation was going about as well as Sam expected it to.

Polly finally took a good look at Sam and noticed how weary he looked. "How are you? Is everything okay?"

"Na, it didn't end well. We had to euthanize Shakira. She was getting weaker, she wasn't eating anything, her kidneys had shut down and she was over grooming herself and making herself bleed. It was for the best."

Polly turned the tables and comforted Sam for a just a moment. Her warm hand was on his cheek and he just sat still and let the sensation soothe him. "I am sure it was, but I know how much you hate it."

"She was suffering." Sam drew in a long slow breath. "Still shit though."

Polly leant her forehead on his. "I love how much you love those animals. I'm sorry Baby."

"Crappy crappy day."

She couldn't have said it better herself. It was a crappy day. "Why don't you go home and get some sleep? You've been up all day."

"Only if you come with me."

"I can't leave Dad…" Polly nodded towards the door where Kim was coming through with Gus. "..and Mom."

Polly felt a little ganged up on when Gus and Kim joined Sam and insisted that they go home for a few hours. Kim wasn't leaving Adam, not tonight and Gus agreed to stay with her. There was no need for Polly to stay as well and she only agreed when it was decided that she would stay with him tomorrow night.

He took Polly back to Kim and Adam's house so that Polly could pack a couple of bags for them and take them with her in the morning. She felt a little closer to them staying at home and that was comforting for her and she felt like she was at least doing something.

Polly only just stirred when Sam came to bed once he had showered. Before Polly crashed Sam had made them both some toast and Polly forced herself to eat. She mumbled something but he was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and they both slept solidly for a few hours until Polly woke and she tried to ease herself out from Sam's arms without waking him.

"Where you going?" he mumbled.

"I just want to make sure Dad's okay."

"What time is it?

It was not quite five and way to early to be up. "Okay. Come back to bed though, you need to sleep some more." They had crawled into bed around 1am so the four hours sleep wasn't nearly enough.

"Don't nag me Sam." He just sighed and rolled over. No way he was getting up just yet unless he had too and Polly would let him know if Adam's condition had changed. He suspected that Adam was still stable; Gus would have called them if something were wrong.

Polly didn't come back to bed and Sam eventually had to get up when his alarm went off and went looking for her. She was sitting in the kitchen staring at a cup of tea and cold toast, which was untouched. "Doesn't look appetising?" He rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head as he went to make himself a coffee. "Can I get you something?"

"No thanks."

"Have you called Gus?"

"Yes, Dad's stable. Mom is sleeping still; he said she was awake most of the night just watching him and dozed off around 4am. Do you need to go to work today?"

"Yep." He was a little surprised when Polly burst into tears. He set his cup down and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. "Come on Baby. Your Dad is going to be fine, this is Adam we are talking about."

"I know." He hugged her a little tighter and whispered something in her ear, which at least made her smile briefly. "I wish you didn't have to go to work today."

"I need to check in, I will try and get away early. You know you can call me whenever, I will make sure I have my phone with me."

Polly nodded. "I'm going to go have a shower." She leant back against Sam for a few seconds and as she got up he handed her a banana. "Take this with you and eat it." Sam knew how much he was annoying her with his insistence that she eat; he just didn't care. Sam was prepared for the shit fight that would inevitably come so he just put on his armour and stood his ground. Polly looked at him, a little exasperated but she could tell by the look on his face there was little point arguing.

Sam dropped her off at the hospital on his way into work and told Polly to call him once she'd seen Adam. It was hard to concentrate on work but he needed to review the reports from yesterday, release a statement and they wanted to test all the other Lions in the pride to make sure they were prepared for anything else going wrong. They were flying a little blind but there was nothing else they could do. The autopsy was today and Sam was going to stand in on that as well.

Polly eventually called him to let him know that Adam was stills stable and although he was going for another CT scan. The doctors seemed to think that his brain swelling had decreased a little which was a good sign and if it continued they may be able to wake him up earlier. At least she sounded a little bit happier. "How is it going there?"

"Up to my eyes in paperwork, waiting for some lab tests and I have barely got out of my office." Sam leant back in his chair. "I am about to go to the autopsy so won't be contactable for a few hours."

"So I won't see you soon?"

"Not soon, call my phone, Josh will have it and he can get a message to me."

"Okay." Her voice wobbled a little and she hated sounding so vulnerable right now. Sam had to concentrate on work; he didn't need her being an emotional wreck.

"Hey, Adam's doing good. Let me know how the CT is and I will see you as soon as I can." Sam tossed his phone on his desk, swung around in his chair and stared at the wall for a few minutes.

So this is what being an adult was about? Needing to stay focussed here while your head and your heart wanted to be somewhere else. Polly had her family around her and she wouldn't want him to neglect his job but she was struggling to cope and he knew it and he worried about her. Polly had never coped well in stressful situations, when someone she loved got hurt it bought her crashing down.

A knock on the door bought him back to the task at hand. "You okay?" Josh, his 2IC asked as he handed him his coffee. "How's Polly's Old Man?"

"Stable." He popped his feet up on his desk while Josh flopped down on the couch and Sam explained the deal at the hospital. "When it rains it pours hey?"

"I've just been down to the Lions, they all seem pretty happy this morning." Josh was a little older than Sam but had come into Zoology late and had only been working at Lincoln Park for two years. He'd been a godsend for Sam because he had the lowdown on the animals, the people and the inner workings of the zoo and they'd hit it off. "Well as happy as a bunch of man eaters can be."

Sam had already been down and checked them all out and they were waiting for the Vet to come in to check them again. "We are about to do the autopsy so I'm going in, can you hang onto my phone in case Polly calls?"

"Sure."

It was just after six when he made it in to the hospital. He'd talked to Polly a few times and Adam was still stable, still unconscious but the CT had been positive. If he continued to improve they would take him into to surgery in the next day or two and put the plate in his leg.

Polly had her head down on Adam's bed when he went in, resting it by his hip with her hand on his arm in case he moved. Gus had just taken Kim out for some fresh air because she'd barely left the room all day and Gus insisted that she at least take half an hour to see some sky.

He brushed the hair back from her face and kissed her forehead. "Hey Baby."

"What time is it?"

"A touch after six. What's going on?" He pulled up a chair beside Adam's bed and tugged on Polly's hand until she came and sat in his lap so that he could wrap her up in his arms.

"Just this all day." She waved at Adam. "I want him to wake up."

"I know. Perhaps it's better if he doesn't yet." Sam rubbed her back softly and Polly appreciated it, all day she had just wanted to feel Sam's arms. He knew how to stop her spinning out of control and there were times that she felt like she was hurtling towards the edge.

"So they keep saying but that doesn't make it easier. Mom's really stressing out."

"How are you?"

"Okay. I'm staying here tonight."

"I knew that." He already planned for this but he was hoping she would change her mind once they were certain that Adam was stable. He understood the need to be by Adam's side when things were up in the air but if he was doing okay he didn't want Polly to spend every day and night here. They needed to look after themselves too, which was hard to do when all your energy and focus was directed at the man they all adored lying unconscious in the bed.

"Yes I know, I was just reminding you." Polly snapped, feeling like Sam was going to try and fight her. "Gus stayed last night, it's my turn. That was the deal. Gus can't do it all it's not fair."

Sam chose to ignore it. Nothing was to be gained by having an argument about who was staying and who was going. Polly felt him draw in a sharp breath though. "Have you at least had dinner?"

"Not yet, I thought maybe when Gus gets back with Mom we can go out and have a quick bite." She at least tried to compromise with the vain hope that it would appease Sam a little.

"Sure. Can I take you home for an hour or two for a rest though, please? I will order some food, you can have a shower and then I promise to bring you back."

"I guess you won't take no for a answer?"

"Nope."

As soon as Gus and Kim came back Sam whipped Polly out of there in a flash and promised she'd be back by ten. Sam certainly didn't sleep well, he had bought her back and stayed for an hour or so before heading home and he tossed and turned without Polly beside him. He was up and back in well before 6am, carrying a bag of breakfast bagels and a hot drink. He was more than relieved to find out that Adam had been stable overnight and that Polly slept pretty much most of the night. They managed to squeeze a recliner into the corner of his room. She was curled up with a pillow and blanket when he snuck in.

He let her sleep for a little while longer but he had to go soon and wanted to talk to her before he did. Crouching down in front of the chair he gently woke her. "You're here." She mumbled sleepily.

Sam leant forward and kissed her softly. "I am. How are you?"

"Okay. How's Dad?" Pushing herself up a little she glanced at Adam who was still motionless.

"Behaving." He wasn't expecting Polly to cry…again. Although perhaps that was stupid on his part because she'd cried a lot lately. "Hey, he's okay, they said he had a good night."

"No it's not that. You are here."

"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

Polly tried to wave him away but he refused to ignore it. "Austin never came. Last time Dad was hurt and in hospital I stayed here and he never came. I called him and he was too busy to come in. I didn't see him for days." After the fallout from Austin's glass throwing they'd hashed it out and then agreed to move on and didn't talk about him much anymore so Sam was surprised that she had bought him up now. "But you are here."

"Baby, I wish I could be here all day."

"You need to go to work." The fact that he'd come, bought her something to eat and didn't really argue when she told him she was staying meant more than anything. "I will go home once the Doctor has been in and Mom is here."

"Come and have lunch with me?"

"I'd like that." They both needed it.


	23. Don’t Shut Me Out

"Are you and Sam okay?" Kim had been watching Polly for the last half hour. It had been a long three days and they were hoping that Adam would be awake by now but the surgery had been a bit of a rollercoaster and he had dropped his blood pressure on the table and things got a little hairy. She just looked at her phone and angrily threw it in her bag. Sam had called just a few minutes ago and Polly came back into the room bordering on crying.

"Yes, why?"

"He doesn't seem all that impressed with you being here again this morning."

"He's fine. He's okay, just a bit stressed with work. The death of the lion was hard for him and he's trying to split his time between work and all this with Dad. I think he remembers how well I cope with stuff like this, or not cope. That worries him." Polly was surprised that she got all that out without bursting into tears.

"I think you cope better now. You were just a kid then Polly."

"Yes, but Sam doesn't know that does he, that's all he remembers so he worries. It's okay Mom, we really are fine."

Polly felt she was continually defending herself and her relationship with Sam to her mother and it was getting tiring. A few months ago she was nagging her to break up with Austin because she didn't love him, yet now that she was with Sam and happy she felt like every single thing they did Kim was looking for a reason to pick them apart.

"What is Sam worried about?"

"Nothing. Why are you so concerned? I thought you wanted me to he happy? I am happy with Sam." Polly snapped. It was unfair at the moment considering they were sitting at Adam's bedside while he was still in a coma but right now Polly didn't need this.

"Don't be a bitch Polly, I am just asking. You look like you've sucked a lemon today." Sam had bought Polly in and stayed a few minutes. Kim noticed the strange kiss he gave her as he left, it was chaste and hardly loving and she'd certainly got more than a few of those from Adam over the years and it was usually when they were scrapping.

Kim was not in the mood for Polly's attitude. Everyone was on edge waiting for Adam to wake up and while all his scans had come back positive there was still no word on when they were going to start to wake him up.

"You're never happy for me."

"Don't be ridiculous, I am happy for you but you look tired, you're like a bear with a sore head and Sam is not exactly overflowing with warmth at the moment."

"He's getting slammed at work about the Lion so forgive him for not bouncing off the walls, they have a meeting today and he is freaking out about it. He got about four hours sleep last night. Leave him alone." Polly grabbed her bag and stood up to kiss her Dad goodbye. "Love you Dad." She whispered before kissing her mother goodbye. Kim reached for her hand to stop her. She hated seeing the tears in Polly's eyes.

"Polly, sweetheart. I just want to know you are okay?"

"I'm worried about Dad, I'm worried about Sam and I'm tired. I've got this huge presentation in two days that I need to finish. We are fine Mom really." Polly stopped at the door. "I love you Mom. I'll see you tonight."

Sam was getting hammered and he had tried to keep it from Polly with some success but he knew his days were numbered. At some point she was going to come out of the fog that was around her and demand to know what was going on with him.

"Surprised you could join us?"

Sam tried to ignore Cameron as he took his seat; he was running ten minutes late after dealing with Polly's epic meltdown that morning. It had been ugly when he suggested that she not go into the hospital until the evening because she had been up until 2am working on her presentation and set her alarm for 5am to go to work. Sam had turned it off and when she woke at almost 630 she had exploded because now she wouldn't have time to go into work for a few hours before she went into the hospital to see Adam. She would go to work for a couple of hours and then into the hospital and back to work, ending up back at the hospital until they were kicked out around nine each evening. Polly always wanted to bethere when the Doctors came in, but you never quite knew what time that was so she had spent a lot of time waiting around and then she would try and make up time at work and she was pushing herself too hard, it was exhausting just watching her. He didn't apologise, which didn't help matters.

It meant that he was on the back foot from the moment he arrived late.

He had never really got along with Cameron, they had a purely professional relationship but he always got the feeling that he was being watched and judged by him. It wasn't until Josh told him that Cameron had wanted Sam's job and he had been overlooked for the promotion he understood why the strained relationship, no matter how hard Sam tried to make it work. Sam was younger than him and swooped in and took the job he thought he was entitled to.

"So you left the premises?" Cameron was flicking through the timeline of the incident. They were having a debrief about the Lioness's death, which was standard procedure and Sam was being questioned and he felt the pressure.

"Yes I did. I'd been here more than 24 hours; we'd done all we could up until then. We were waiting for the lab results and she was eating and drinking. We had given her some antibiotics and she had picked up and we reasonably expected that to continue. Josh took over and I was contactable the entire time and was back within twenty minutes when they called." Sam knew this off by heart because he had relived it over and over again, if he wasn't thinking about Adam he was thinking about this. "Richard wasn't concerned when I left. We were then here until 10pm."

"A second opinion wasn't sought?"

"Yes actually." Sam was starting to get agitated. "And a third and fourth. Richard was on site the entire time." Richard was the Zoo's Head Vet. "We also called an Independent Vet in to check. I called San Diego and held a videoconference and emailed my old zoo in Kenya because they are experts in Big Cats. Wes was also bought in and consulted as was Matt." Wes was Head Keeper for Primates and Sam's mentor at the Zoo. He was the one that Sam had been allocated when he started. Everyone had a back up and he had been supportive and encouraging from the start and they got on well and Sam really enjoyed bouncing things off him. Sam was confident in his ability to do his job and his knowledge but his ego wasn't so big that he thought he knew it and could do it all. Matt was the Head of Zoology and basically in charge of them all. "We did everything we could at the time. Even once she took a turn for the worse we consulted heavily before making the final call."

"I was on site and not consulted."

"No, I followed protocol. The protocol, that if I am not mistaken you had helped draft?" He pointed straight at his colleague. "Matt knew what was happening the whole time."

"And yet you still left the go to hospital to visit your girlfriends father and then euthinased her anyway?"

That made Sam bristle and everyone in the room knew that Cameron had just pushed Sam too far. Girlfriend? Polly was so much more than that. And it wasn't as if he visited Adam because he had a bleeding hangnail.

"What's your issue?" Nobody was surprised when he finally snapped, it had been brewing from the moment he walked through the door. "The fact that I didn't ask you to consult or that I didn't ask for permission to leave, from you?" Sam had had enough. He didn't need to be attacked; he didn't need to be made feel worse than he already did. In three days he'd barely slept and not just because of Adam's accident and his concern for Polly but because he'd stressed and worried about the Lions, who he was checking constantly and all his other animals. The mumblings he'd heard about Cameron's witch-hunt had been the straw that broke the camel's back.

The guy could come at him all he liked though; he was prepared although he did expect it to be kept professional. "My partner's father…" he spat out "…is in a coma, but thanks for your concern. Shakira's care was not compromised in the slightest. If you had read my report, Richard's report or knew one damn thing about how we tried to save her you'd know this."

"You can't save her if you aren't here."

"I couldn't save her because I am not a vet or an oncologist and neither are you last time I checked. You know how many minutes she wasn't watched that entire day, from the moment I called the vet at 3am. You know how many minutes she was left alone? Zero." He slapped his hand on the report in front of him. "Not one god damn minute."

"Sam…" Matthew stood up to stop Sam going any further. He'd let them go for as long as possible in the hope that they would eventually work it out. He wasn't an overbearing boss and he expected his team to work together and work out any issues like adults. It suddenly wasn't feeling very adult. "Your level of care is not being questioned here. Let's move on to the Vet's report and that will perhaps clear things up."

"No just my professionalism." Sam wasn't finished though and Matt held up his hand to stop him going any further. He also warned Cameron that he had said enough.

Sam was still seething as Richard presented his report. He heard his phone buzz on the table and waited until Richard finished before checking it. "Do you need to go?" Matt leant over and whispered. Sam could feel Cameron's eyes on him; he had barely tried to hide his contempt.

"I hope not. Can we take five minutes though? Adam was having another scan this morning. I told Polly to let me know if there was any change."

Matthew told him to give Polly a call and that went down like a lead balloon and he could imagine Cameron complaining that he had better things to be doing than wait for Sam while he slipped out and quickly called Polly. He kept his call short and Polly could tell he was stressed, the scan told them nothing new so it was a bit of the nothing call. She could have sent a text, she knew that Sam was in a meeting and he would have called her back when he had the chance. "Will I see you later?"

"Yes Polly at some point I will see you." He snapped. He felt it was a stupid question to ask. He always turned up for her. "Don't youalways."

"Oh okay." If he wasn't already in a foul mood hearing her voice shaking before she hung up just pissed him off even more. Having to go back into this meeting and deal with Cameron again was the last thing he needed.

He texted Polly a quick apology but got no reply. The last thing she needed right now was to worry about this. He had tried to keep it from her and for the last day or so he had but she'd caught him at a bad moment and knew that Polly would want to know what was going on the instant he showed his face and that didn't help his mood one bit.

Wes followed Richard's report; he had presented both his and the independent Vets' summary. They presented the consults with San Diego and Kenya and Wes backed up Sam and it was clear that nothing could be done to save Shakira. The autopsy report showed a cancerous growth in her liver and in the end euthanasia was a relief for the old girl and the only humane option.

It still didn't make Sam feel any less shit and he was devastated that he couldn't save her. Shakira was the matriarch of the pride and he could see the effect it was having on the other lions and there was a bit of a power struggle going on with them to see who would take her spot. It was fascinating to watch and they needed to keep an eye on it in case it turned nasty, fortunately it hadn't yet and they were settling into life without their leader reasonably well.

He had to try and push it aside and focus on Polly though. She needed him right now, she wasn't coping well and he could see thatand he could see her running herself into the ground.

He loved his job and was desperate to do well and he was still the new guy trying to prove himself. Polly had been great for him because not only did she give him something outside of work to focus on but she could bring him down when he needed it and right now Polly's focus was elsewhere and that wasn't' good for him. He had no one to bring him back from the edge and he was teetering. He wanted to ask her for help but didn't want to be selfish, Adam was her priority as well as her mother and they deserved to be so he just had to suck it up but he seemed to suddenly be failing at that to.

Matt came to talk to him after the meeting. He found him standing and staring into the Lion enclosure, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. "If you need time off, take it."

"Nah, I'm good."

"Sam, that's just standard procedure after an unexpected death. No one is pointing the finger at you or doubting your dedication to your work."

"Except Cameron." He was being petty, which is something he hated, it was childish and pathetic and he regretted it. He wasn't going to be one of those people and he apologised to Matt. That shit belonged in high school.

"You wonder why he didn't get considered for the job, today showed why. He's a bloody good keeper but he's not a team player. I wanted someone who would make that team gel, you've got some exceptional talent in your team and they just needed to be allowed to use it. If this breeding program is going to work I needed the team to work well together and stay together. We are more than happy with what you are doing so far."

"I appreciate the support, it's been a tough week." And Sam honestly did appreciate it. Matt, Wes, Josh and Richard his vet had all pulled together to help him out. He was doing it tough but that hadn't stopped him doing it but it was starting to take its toll and Matt could see that. Josh had always talked to Matt about how he thought Sam was doing. They couldn't fault his work; they just needed to keep him together.

"What's the prognosis?"

"Good we think but until he's awake they don't really know what damage has been done. It's a waiting game." Sam rocked on his heels. "He didn't do so well during the operation but he's stable again now and his scan was good today."

"And Polly?" Everyone loved Polly, she had made it her mission to get to know everyone and her enthusiasm for both Sam's job and the zoo in general was infectious.

"Not so great. She doesn't cope well when her Dad is hurt."

"And what does she think about all this?"

"I haven't told her." Polly obviously knew that Shakira had died and they had talked about the autopsy report but nothing about the drama since them. "It's not a priority for Polly right now."

Matt wasn't surprised but he knew how much Polly loved what Sam did and she would bail him up and talk to him for hours about what Sam was doing and what his plans were for the zoo. She knew everything about his job and the program he was building so he was surprised that Sam could even keep this from her. "Look, I understand the timing is crappy but if you need time off with Polly do it. Josh is more than capable to take over, Wes is more than happy to help, god I'd get my hands dirty if need be. Family is family and if Polly needs you, don't let her down."

"I can manage."

"Really?"

"I can't sit around the hospital all day twiddling my thumbs, Polly would kill me eventually. I will go if I am needed, and that's all I ask."

Sam promised he would talk to someone and then continued to pretend everything was fine. He knew he had to tell Polly some of it, how much just depended on how much she was wiling to accept. As soon as he felt she was satisfied he would stop. He wasn't worrying her with his crap and that's what it felt like, crap.

In the end he just spilled his guts and Polly was sad for him, angry with him and one hundred per cent behind him.

"You wanna talk to me now or when we get home?" Sam had stopped by the hospital to pick Polly up on his way home; it was almost 9pm by the time he got there and he was a little surprised that she was still here. She had a presentation to finish and sitting up until the early hours of the morning two nights and then coming in here before work was pushing herself too hard.

Adam was still in his coma and he had finally started to stabilize after his surgery. His blood pressure was way too low and he'd been in recovery for a lot longer than they'd hoped which stressed everyone to the max. Today though he was stable and had another scan which showed some reduced swelling but the timeline hadn't changed. It had been a rough few days so the last thing Sam wanted to do was stress Polly out even more when things were starting to settle a little.

"Not now Polly." Kim noticed the shortness of their conversation and it worried her. Polly had spent most of the day bordering on bursting into tears. He picked up her bag and slung it over his shoulder and waited for her to outside the room while she said goodbye. "Have you eaten?"

"Of course. It's nearly fucking midnight." Perhaps a little bit of an exaggeration but he got the point, she was pissed.

"Just checking. I haven't so…." He held the lift door open for herand they way Polly glared at him he realised she didn't give a shit if he'd eaten or not. "How are you?"

"Fine."

"Yeah?"

"Yes Sam, I am fine." It was a quiet trip home, they said the odd word here and there but it was just idle chitchat, mainly about Adam. It wasn't until Polly came out of the bedroom and Sam was standing in the kitchen, his hands on the bench and his head sagged forward that Polly finally called him out.

"Sam, what the fuck is going on?" She was stunned when he lifted his head and just stared at her and one lonely tear escaped and trickled down his cheek. "Sam." Polly gasped.

"It's all gone to shit."

"What has?"

"Work, Adam, you, everything."

"What are you talking about?" Polly was beside him, one hand on his back and the other covered one of his hands and she was shocked at how much it was shaking. "Sam, you are scaring me."

"Ah, baby it's okay." He squeezed her hand and tried to straighten up. He couldn't be weak now; he had to be strong for her. "I'm just tired."

Polly pushed her face up close to his. "Bullshit." She used the pad of her thumb to wipe away the tear that was stubbornly sitting on his cheek. "Don't bullshit me, not now."

"You don't need this right now."

"No, no I don't. I don't need to be worrying about you more than I already do but I am."

"I am fine Polly." He tried to brush her off but Polly was just as stubborn.

"No you are not and I don't care if we are still standing here at fucking 5am in the morning. I want to know what is going on with you."

Sam stared at her for a moment and Polly didn't back down so he finally relented. "We had our debrief today."

"I know."

He turned around and leant back against the bench and Polly stepped back and hoisted herself up on bench opposite him. It was enough to let him know that she was prepared to wait this out and ready to listen. "It was rough."

"It was always going to be. How did it go? Judging by all this…"Polly waved her hand around "I would say not well?"

"Nah."

"It wasn't your fault Sam, they surely aren't blaming you? You told me it was cancer?" Polly didn't understand why it was an issue. Sure, she knew that Sam would be upset, she expected that but nothing he had said indicated that they thought Sam was at fault.

"It was cancer. There was nothing I could do, I made the right choice."

"So?"

"Some people don't see it like that. They are having a go at my professionalism, because I left to be with you." He didn't mean for it to come out quite so harshly and Polly sucked in a sharp breath as she felt like she had just been slapped.

"I'm sorry my Dad fucked it up for you."

"No, no Polly. I didn't mean that. God, take a breath." He wasn't doing so well at talking about this, which was precisely why he didn't want to discuss it yet. "Cameron is just being a dick, he kept bringing up that I left while Shakira was in trouble."

"Cameron has always been a dick, what's new?" Sam had talked to Polly about him before so she knew what he was about. "Don't let him get to you."

"It's hard when he is hammering me about leaving the Zoo. He's been undermining me; I've heard the rumours. He's all over this shit; he wants my job. He wants me demoted." Sam rubbed his face with his hands. He was so bloody tired and felt like he needed to sleep for a week, even his bones felt weary but he had no right to complain about feeling tired when everyone was in the same boat and Adam remained the great unknown.

"What does Matt say?"

"He knows what Cameron is doing. He's happy with how I am going so far; he supported me, as did Wes and the Vets. I just don't need this right now." He had to admit; he did feel better for talking to Polly. That knot in his stomach was loosening just a little and he felt some semblance of control inhabiting him again. He needed to get on top of things and talking to Polly was helping.

"Well so they bloody well should. Tell him to fuck off, or better yet, let me at him."

Sam did chuckle a little; he could just imagine Polly going after him. She had grown another nut after the shit at DCFS and her previous boss. "I don't want to let anyone down. I am trying to show them that I know what I am doing there and I don't want to let you down either."

"How are you letting me down?"

"I am not here for you, I want to be here for you. I want to do better than I am."

"Oh for fuck's sake Sam." Polly pushed herself off the bench and stood in front of him, grabbing the sides of his face. "I don't need you to be anything other than the man that I love, the man that I come home to whether it's at dinner time or the middle of the night.I will stand here at any hour of the day or night just to talk to you if you need it and I know you would do the same for me."

"I am disappointing you when all I want to do is make sure you are okay. Austin was never here for you and I don't want to be like that. I can hear how disappointed you are when I am not there."

"Austin has nothing to do with this. You are not like him, not by a long shot. I don't want to hear that shit come out of your mouth."

"I upset you today."

"Yes but only because you are obviously stressed and don't want to talk to me about it. I know its been building for days and you said nothing." Polly rested a hand on his chest. "Just don't shut me out. Don't you dare shut me out."

"I'm not. I just don't want to worry you, you've got enough to deal with."

"Stop treating me like some fragile piece of glass, I am not weak, and I am not going to break."

"I might."

"No, I won't let you." Sam accepted her sweet little kiss. "Let's go to bed."

"To sleep?" He cocked one eye cheekily.

"Yes. I am tired, I've got a big day tomorrow." Sam dropped his head and followed Polly to the bedroom. "And I need to get up early and finish off this presentation because you let me sleep in this morning." It was a disappointing end to a disappointing day.


	24. One Day

Kim didn't know what to do. She was excited when she arrived at the hospital to learn that they had already started weaning Adam off his sedation, a day earlier than expected. And she was terrified because they were about to find out if he'd suffered any serious brain damage.

She was also alone.

They thought that Adam was being left another day but apparently he had started showing signs of fighting over the sedation so rather than up the dose they did another scan late the previous evening and decided to withdraw sedation early that morning. Polly and Gus had planned to be with their Mom tomorrow when that happened but suddenly Kim was all alone, excited and terrified in equal doses.

While they had taken time off work there were things they just couldn't put off. Gus was due in court for most of the morning at least, perhaps longer, Kim could have sent him a message or called him but he couldn't get out of the court room and she didn't want to worry him when it was a big case he was giving evidence in as the arresting officer.

Polly was working on developing a program for the Education Department on Teen Suicide Prevention Workshops and had meetings today with a team of Psychologists, Education Department curriculum advisors and content developers, along with the moral support of Maya who was the marketing and communications expert she wanted on board. BraveHearts had been happy to assist Polly in developing the program, she'd been working on it for the past few years in her spare time and it was one of the reasons Alex wanted Polly to work with him. If they didn't present it today it could be another year before they had the chance and both Kim and Sam had urged her not to give up this chance and that Adam would be angry when he found out.

Kim didn't want to worry Polly with news about her Dad until she had something definite to tell her, she was stressed out enough as it was and they all wanted her to succeed today.

It was the longest two hours of Kim's life before Adam started to move. First it was his hands twitching slightly and gradually he was moving more and groaning so they took his breathing tube out and replaced it will a mask even though he wasn't fully awake. Kim kept talking to him, willing him to open his eyes. Every time she stopped talking he would start to get agitated so she knew he could hear her.

"Hey Baby." She whispered tearfully when he finally opened his eyes. "It's so good to see you." She lifted his mask briefly and kissed his dry lips. "I love you Adam."

It was a few minutes of panic for Kim while Adam drifted in and out and looked confused when he did open his eyes. He hadn't spoken and she didn't know whether it was just because he was waking up or because he couldn't speak, or worse still didn't know who she was.

"Kim." He croaked and tried to move his head to dislodge the mask. He was clearly getting annoyed and it was the sweetest word she'd ever heard.

Kim had tears streaming down her face as he struggled to cope with waking up and the pain and confusion on his face was obvious. All he could say was her name, over and over again.

It took a good hour and it was pure torture watching the love of her life trying to make sense of things while his fog started to clear. She stood hunched over his bed, her back was aching and her legs were shaking but she couldn't move, she didn't want to leave his side and Adam had hold of her hand and kept opening his eyes and looking at her.

"You're crying." It was really the first question he had asked her. The Doctors had asked him a few questions and he had answered most of them well. He could tell them his name, Kim's name and the names of their children and their ages. He recalled the incident and that made Kim cry when he told them all he was worried about was Kim finding out and being scared.

"I am. I am glad you are awake. I missed you." She was running one hand through his hair and it seemed to relax him while she held his other one tightly. When he managed to rub his thumb back and forward over her wrist Kim felt a calmness flood through her.

"How long?"

"Five days Baby."

"You okay?" Trust Adam to only worry about Kim, he was a mess, he was in pain and he was confused but he just needed to know she was okay.

"I am now." Her face was close to his and she rested her cheek on his and heard him sigh and squeeze her hand a little.

"It fucking hurts." The pain that rifled through his body every time he tried to move was horrific. He felt like he was on fire and only once did he scream in agony and the look of panic on Kim's face made it even worse, so he did his best to internalise it.

He asked about the kids and Kim told him they'd been there everyday and they'll be back soon and so happy to see him awake. Adam kept apologising for the accident, which was stupid but he hated causing them grief.

"I want to see them." He was still a little all over the shop but he was desperate to see his kids. "Where are they?" Kim was calm as she kept telling him that they were at work but he just couldn't seem to hang onto the thoughts and memories for long. He would nod when she told him they would be here soon and then ask again a few minutes later. Internally though she was beside herself.

"Soon Adam, they'll be here soon." He wasn't going to rest until he'd seen them. He had a tight grip on Kim's hand and she could feel him squeeze harder every time he moved and experienced pain. It was a harrowing experience for Kim to face alone but she was glad she was here with him.

Gus arrived first and even he welled up when he saw his Dad was awake. He rested his forehead on his Dad's and felt relieved as Adam reached up and patted the back of his head. "It's okay Bud, I'm okay."

"You could have told me." He chastised both of them. Adam was still pretty out of it, he was jacked up on meds and drifting in and out of sleep and he was still asking about Polly. Now that he had seen Gus he felt better but he still needed to see his daughter.

"This will freak Polly out." Gus raised an eyebrow at his mother when Adam rambled some shit about what he thought people were talking about when he was out of it. It was entertaining to say the least and the Doctors had told Kim this wasn't unusual for Adam to be a little bit scrambled as long as he had periods of time where he was lucid and knew what that going on.

"You think Polly's okay?"

"Just being her usual drama queen."

"She seems annoyed with Sam."

"Well Mom, it's been pretty rough for them lately. That shit with her boss, the new job, this pitch she's doing and this…" he pointed at Adam who was asleep again. "..I know Sam has had a rough trot at work too."

"It's a lot for them and I'm worried about your sister."

"If you are worried about them together, don't be. Sam's done his best and Polly really appreciates him being there. Now that Dad's awake she'll settle down." Kim wasn't as sure as Gus that everything was going well. They just seemed at odds with each other lately and as much as she loved Sam, Polly was her priority and she just wanted her to be happy and she would hate to see her get her heart broken again. It was probably just her over-fertile imagination. She'd had a lot of time to think the past few days and she over analysed every little thing. What else did she have to do? It was better than stressing over what she would do if Adam didn't wake up.

Gus wasn't concerned though; he'd spent some time with Sam a few nights ago and they had talked quite a bit. They had walked down to the cafeteria for something to eat together while Polly slept in the armchair in the corner of Adam's room. Kevin had taken Kim home to have some dinner with his family. She barely got out of the hospital and would skip meals given half the chance. "Is Pol okay?" Gus was worried about how stressed she was. His Mom was bad enough, he would have liked to lean on Polly a little but she was giving him nothing.

"Over tired, stressed out, working too hard and trying to do it all. Obviously it's Polly so she's not eating well, let alone sleeping." If Gus was worried about her it was nothing compared to what Sam was trying to deal with.

"So typical Polly behaviour then."

Sam laughed, a little painfully as he took a sip of the bitter coffee he'd stupidly bought himself. "Yes, I guess I'm lucky I know what to expect."

"It won't be like that."

"I hope not, I'm not going anywhere." Sam had worried that Polly would push him away when things got hard, like she had when Abbey first started floundering. Now was not the time and they had changed and matured but Sam was still hanging on tight just in case which had caused them the odd scrap and argument.

"You really love her hey?"

"Gus man, you've got no idea."

"Did you always? Like all those years you weren't here, did you still love Polly?"

"I don't know, maybe." Sam shrugged, peeling open the sandwich and turning his nose up at it's uninspiring contents. Why he hadn't learnt his lesson yet to eat before he got here? "I didn't spend ten years pining for her and we didn't end because we hated each other or because I stopped loving her at the time, it was the right thing to do. I never stopped liking Polly, she meant a lot to me and I was always glad that I loved her but I did move on. After a while I just never really thought about her, you know it was all just in the past."

"I thought maybe Ethan was the one for her but compared to this, it's not even close."

"When I found out I was coming back I perhaps thought for maybe a second _'I wonder what Polly's up to?'_ And maybe when I moved back, not the first trip but once I was settled in that I'd look her up and see if she wanted to catch up, you know for old times sake, just as old friends having a coffee or a drink but I never expected all this."

"How did you know?"

"Man, I knew the moment I saw her, I can't explain it. It was just there again. Polly was there, standing in front of me and fuck I was crazy."

"So was she. She tried to deny it, but she was crazy about you being back."

"I asked her why she didn't tell me about Austin and she told me because she didn't want me to stay away from her. Thing is, I think I knew, I knew she had someone and I didn't care. If Polly wasn't telling me to back off I certainly wasn't going to. I wanted her, before I even left I knew I wanted to be with Polly but nothing happened man, I swear."

"Hey." Gus held up his hands as if to say he didn't care. "I just want Pol to be happy. Austin was a dick; she would have dumped him regardless eventually. She just needed a push and you came and shoved her hard."

"I wanted to do more than shove her."

"Whoa, my sister dude. Ease up."

Sam tipped his coffee cup, acknowledging that Gus probably didn't need to hear that. "What about you and Olivia? Pol says she's the most serious girlfriend you've had."

"Yeah, she's pretty cool."

"Cool?" Saying your girlfriend was cool didn't exactly sound like he was all in but Polly had told Sam what Gus was like with his girlfriends, they were more around to keep him company and to have fun with than anything serious, he always had one foot out the door. Sam could understand that, he'd been like that with Vi; she was just there so in no way was he going to judge him.

"I don't know, I look at you and Polly and think I am not sure it's like that but I like her, we are having fun and maybe it will start to feel more like something, or perhaps I am not supposed to have all that."

"I think Gus, you want her around because you are starting to hope that you get that feeling. Look its different for everyone. My best mate in Kenya was just friends with his fiancée for years, they dated other people and one night it just happened, some drunken hook-up and now they are getting married and I think they are just as in love as Polly and I am, we just had the thunderstorm, they had the long soaking rain. Works just the same in the end."

"The past couple of days Liv's been a little off, I think she's freaked out because Dad's hurt and she thinks that'll be me one day but she's trying."

"She probably feels a bit helpless, I feel helpless some days."

"Pol's doing okay Man, this is just her?"

"Yeah. I still worry though" Sam nodded. "I don't think she would ever cope well with Adam being hurt. I kinda know that he's way above me on her totem pole." Sam had always been stunned by their relationship, he actually didn't think those type of relationships existed between parents and their kids. He even knew that Polly talked about him to her Dad a lot when they first went out and it used to freak him out a little, he was pretty sure those conversations still went on now.

"I'd say Dad's slipped a notch or two." Gus had to laugh; Sam was clueless sometimes. "He's no longer occupying top spot. There is this Zookeeper she is obsessed with."

Gus watched them together when they returned to the room, Polly was still sleeping and Sam let her sleep. He pulled up a chair next to her and rested a hand on her hip. He did love how much Sam seemed to just crave her and adore her, even when she was being a bitch he just let it roll on by, called her on her shit and moved on. "You gonna marry her?" Gus asked.

"One day, man, one day."

Seeing her name pop up on his phone never got old and after ten years of not having it he still smiled like he did the first time she called him less than a year ago. "Hey Baby, How'd you go?"

"Good, great actually." It was the happiest she had sounded for days. "It went so well Sam." She was buzzing. "Alex was impressed with the pitch and so were the Education guys. They loved it and with a few little changes and a couple of new ideas they are keen to give it a go. It was awesome."

Her enthusiasm had Sam excited too. "That's fantastic. I told you they'd love it."

"You did. Thank you Sam." Polly gushed. "So much."

"You at the hospital now?"

"No I came home for a shower. Are you nearly done? I can wait for you." Polly really wanted to see Sam; he'd been so good to her the past few days, it hadn't been all beer and skittles but they managed. He'd pushed her to present her idea to Alex and he had loved it. If she went straight to the hospital it might be hours before she saw him and she just want to celebrate with him a little.

"I'll come pick you up."

Polly leapt into his arms when he arrived. "I had such a good day."

"I can tell." Sam couldn't be happier for her. "Well done Baby." The entire trip to the hospital was Polly telling Sam about her day, she was on top of the world and she wanted to share every single part of it with him, and Sam was more than happy to hear it.

Polly reefed her hand out of Sam's and squealed when they walked into Adam's room. "Oh my god." She was at his bedside in an instant. "Dad." The first thing Polly noticed was the lack of ventilator and a tray of half eaten dinner on his table. "Oh my god. You're awake." She smothered him with kisses.

"Hey Sweet Pea." Adam croaked as he grimaced through the pain. Polly was too excited to notice that Adam was not exactly enjoying her attention, not physically anyway. He wasn't going to tell her to stop though. "Don't cry Baby please."

Kim was a little surprised when Sam actually reached for her hand and squeezed it. "You okay?" he asked her as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

She nodded tearfully. "He's been waiting to see her."

Polly was too busy fussing over Adam to realise what was going on behind her. "This is the best day ever."

She didn't see the tears in Kim's eyes as she watched them together, nor the tears in Sam's but Kim saw them as well as the look on Sam's face as he watched Polly with her Dad.

He loved her daughter, because she recognised that look. It was exactly the same way Adam looked at her.


	25. World's Worst Patient

"Sweet Pea." Adam's face lit up like Christmas when Polly arrived and he grimaced as it hurt his throat to speak, his voice was still a little scratchy from having the breathing tube in for four days. It had left him a little hoarse but he hadn't shut up since it was taken out so it was unlikely to get better any time soon. Now he was on the mend though he was seriously getting pissed off lying around day after day. It had been a long few days for everyone since they pulled back on Adam's sedation and let him wake up.

The anticipation of waiting to find out what damage, if any had been done to his brain had taken it's toll and the first day had been a bit of a rollercoaster with Adam's confusion and rattled brain but by the next day he was back to hitting on Kim and complaining about everything, especially the food so they knew he would be just fine.

Polly kissed his cheek, grateful that he had at least had a shave. She hated beards with a passion and Sam was unlikely to ever have one if he wanted any hope of getting hot and heavy with Polly. A bit of stubble she was okay with, filthy beards were a big turn off. "How you feeling today?"

"Useless."

"You are getting better obviously. You are getting grumpier." Adam's track record of being laid up was well known; he was obnoxious, rude, belligerent and a right royal pain in the ass. Kim handled him best, she took none of his shit and Polly wasn't far behind her. He didn't even try with Gus because he got nowhere. He had whinged to Kim that they'd raised kids who had no sympathy but she just told him to shut up.

"Where's your Mom?" He was sick of these four walls, and the nurses and everyone else who decided they needed to poke and prod him. They were so damn cheery all the time; it was driving him insane.

"She'll be here in a minute." Polly set the bag she was carrying down on the tray, just out of Adam's reach. "Have you talked to her today?"

Adam shook his head. "What's in the bag? Something nice to eat?"

She pushed his hand away. "No. Just wait."

"I don't want to wait if it's donuts. I am hungry, and angry. I'm hangry."

Polly pulled up a chair. Adam was still in pain from his leg surgery and convincing him to take pain meds was a feat in itself. He had a pin and plate in his thigh, which was making him immobile and it hurt to breathe. Fortunately they were all ultimately short-term injuries that they could deal with because his head injury turned out to be minor in the grand scheme of things and Adam had woken up grumpy and bitching to all that would listen. He still had some major headaches but in general he was good and they were very happy with his progress and once he was up and about they could go home.

Adam though was unhappy and everyone knew it. He made damn sure of that.

"You starting Physio today?" Polly just ignored him and changed the subject bringing a reluctant smile to Adam's face. She was her mother's daughter.

"So they say. Although I am not sure what shit exercises I can do lying in this fucking bed."

"Never happy?" Polly rolled her eyes. Adam hadn't changed one bit, if anything he was getting worse with age. Kim had taught them how to deal with him from the very beginning. She never mollycoddled him, gave into his whining or put up with his shit. Most of it she let roll off her back and Polly and Gus did exactly the same. "Why can't you be happy? You weren't even happy to see me?"

"I am always happy to see you, I don't see you much anymore you are too busy with the Zookeeper."

"I thought you wanted that for me? I thought you wanted me to be someone's one in a million."

"Yes, but I didn't think that would mean that I would lose my spot."

"Your spot?" She knew where this was going, it wasn't the first time Adam had whinged about 'losing' Polly to another man.

"As your number one man."

"You are still my favourite Father….." Polly repeated for what felt like the hundredth time …"if that helps?"

"Pfft." Adam scoffed at his daughter but his eyes were smiling and his smile got even brighter when Kim walked in and greeted him with a lingering kiss until Polly coughed to remind them that she was there and didn't really need to see this…again. It was amazing how much better Kim looked now that Adam was well and truly out of danger but she still hated not having him at home and coming into the hospital every day was taking its toll so Polly decided it was time to cheer them up.

"So…" Polly grabbed the bag. "I bought you both something. You need to open it together." She pulled out a wooden box and handed it to them and her nerves started to flutter.

On the lid of the box it said 'Choose Wisely' and inside were handwritten cards; each one with a different name - _Nan, Pa, Pops, Grandy, Gran, Nanna, Granddad._ And it took Kim a few seconds to figure out what it meant.

"Oh my god." She flew around the bed and almost bowled Polly over in her excitement. "Oh my god. You're pregnant?"

"Yes I am. I hope you are happy because we are still in shock so we need someone to be happy for us."

"Yes. Yes. Yes." Kim bounced up and down. They both then looked at Adam who was holding up the card that said 'Pops' and had tears in his eyes. Polly knew he'd pick that one, they did consider just putting Pops in for her Dad, there was no way he was going to be anything else. It was what he called his Dad and it was also what Polly and Gus had called their grandfather.

"Dad? You okay?"

"I wish I could jump up and hug you too."

Kim let Polly go and she hugged her Dad. "I don't need you to jump out of bed right now, I need you to be up and about in 6 months time to cuddle your grandbaby."

"I will Sweet Pea. I promise." He choked on a little sob. "I love you Baby Girl, so much."

"So?" Kim needed information. She didn't know whether to hug Polly or Adam, so she held both their hands in an almost vice like grip. "Tell me more."

"I am just over three months pregnant and it's going well. We found out about eight weeks ago and spent two weeks ignoring it and then about two weeks freaked out and then Dad's accident so it's been a bit of a challenge." Suddenly the past two weeks had made sense. Polly was tired and emotional and completely freaked out, it was no wonder she so erratic and Sam was so protective. "I have a video on my phone if you want to see it?"

"Of course." Kim squealed and started crying the instant she saw that tiny baby on the screen. It seemed kind of surreal, it didn't seem that long ago that they were looking at a little alien on a small screen and wondering what the hell were they going to do now. Now that little alien was standing in front of them telling them they were going to be grandparents. When the fuck did that happen?

"It wasn't planned that's for sure and we were pretty shocked to be honest. Sam was pretty stunned but he's so excited. We both are, we can't wait. The past few weeks have been torture; we just wanted to blurt it out but we wanted to make sure everything was all okay first. We haven't told anyone else yet so you are the first to know." Polly rambled a little; her biggest fear was that people weren't going to be happy for them. They knew it was quick and the past six months had been such a whirlwind but they were certain about one thing, this was meant to be. This baby was very much wanted.

"So I can expect him to come and ask me a question soon?" Adam was trying his best to sound annoyed but he couldn't fool them. He honestly didn't think finding out his daughter was pregnant would make him feel like this. He kept convincing himself he wasn't ready to be a 'Pops' but now that it was happening he wanted it right now.

"What? Like you and Mom got hitched as soon as you knocked her up."

"What's your point? He knocked up my baby girl, he's got some explaining to do." He was still holding the card in his hand. "Where is he anyway? Where is the sperm donor?"

"Dad, don't be a dick."

He held up the card. "You can call me Pops."

"Pops, don't be a dick. Sam's at work."

Kim was foraging around in the box. "I think I will be Mimi." She eventually held up her card.

"Mimi" Adam spluttered. "What the hell is that? That's not a name for a grandmother. What about Hot Nan, is that in there?" He grabbed the box from her hands and started flicking through them.

"I am not going to be Hot Nan."

"But you are a Hot Nan." Adam was grinning like a Cheshire cat. This is exactly what Polly was hoping for, to cheer him up because he was pretty miserable and she hated seeing him like this. Her Dad was larger than life and he looked so helpless in that bed. "No offense to Jolene but I think your Mom has the Hot Nan thing covered."

"Somehow I think Jolene will be okay with that. So Mimi and Pops?"

"Mimi and Pops." They both agreed.

Sam had been floored; he was absolutely speechless. He was cooking dinner when Polly got home and she just looked at him blankly. Finally feeling like her body was back on an even keel they decided that it was time to go back to the Doctor and get the implant put back in, they were trying really hard to be safe and do the right thing but it was getting more and more challenging. They had even talked about children and decided that they needed to wait a while, it was what they both wanted but it was way too early in this incarnation of their relationship to contemplate having a baby. They needed to give this a year at least to smooth out the kinks.

In the beginning they were very diligent and they still were, they just spent a bit more time wondering if they could get away with it, trying to guess Polly's cycle. They'd slipped up a few times and it was a relief when Polly got her period. Well she had two periods and they started getting cocky and then bang, there was a rooster in Polly's hen house.

One more try with the implant and if it didn't work they had no idea what to do next. Sam really didn't want Polly to suffer, no matter if it made things awkward for them at times and Polly really appreciated his support. Perhaps it would never be sorted and they'd always being looking for a way around it or counting days.

"Sam, we fucked up." Polly blurted out.

"What?" he had started dishing up dinner and his hand just hung in mid air. "Oh."

"So the Doctor did a test before he put the implant in and well there is no need for it now or for the next eight months."

"Ummm, Wow. Really?"

He was stunned and motionless until Polly burst into tears and he dropped the spoon back into the saucepan and finally moved towards Polly, and she was shaking as much as he was. "Hey come on, it's not that bad is it?"

"What? Being pregnant? I don't know."

"We really fucked up?" For a moment he thought that maybe they were dreaming that this conversation was actually taking place.

"Apparently we did. Well you know that night of my birthday, at the zoo when…"

"I finally pegged you on the bonnet of the car?"

"…Yes well Sam, that's been the only time we didn't use a condom this month and well, we made a baby."

"That was a good night." Sam just stared at Polly and she had to admit for a moment she did wonder if he was even aware of where he was. "You said that was our place, I guess you were right."

"So it seems." Polly at least felt comforted by the fact that Sam hadn't let her go yet. "Can I ask though? What do you think?"

Sam closed his eyes for just a second. He wanted to say the right thing, he wanted to say what he felt but this had been in his head for barely a minute and he hadn't even digested it yet. When he opened them Polly was staring at him….waiting for him to say something. "I am so in love with you." It was the only formed thought in his head.

"Really?"

"Yes, Polly. Really. I love you, you know this."

"Okay." She nodded tearfully. "Sam, this is so quick. I can't believe we are going to be parents."

"Then this..." He rested his hand on her flat stomach. "…Is one lucky baby."

"It's good right?"

"It's good. It's better than good, it's great." He nodded and hooked his finger under her chin so that she would look at him, Polly always felt like the perfect height for him, she fitted him and had the ability to mould herself to his body. "I love you, I am so in love with you and right now I feel….." he paused briefly and wiped away one lonely tear that escaped from the corner of his eye. "….Polly, I feel content."

That meant the world to her. He often said it, that he was content and it wasn't because he felt like he had just settled for something, he was content because for a few years he didn't feel like his life was heading in the right direction. Professionally yes, but not personally and he never quite knew why. An out of the blue phone call changed everything. When the Lincoln Park Zoo came calling it threw him into a world that he never thought he'd have again. It threw him right back in Polly's world and he was unbelievably happy, yes he was content. He'd stopped looking or trying to force something to work because they just did, they worked.

Being with Polly was easy; loving her was easy, it always had been. They needed those ten years apart to grow into the people they were now, to know what you wanted and didn't want, to see the other side of life. Now six months later they were in their apartment trying to digest the news that they were about to become parents and he held onto her a little tighter.

"Holy fuck." Polly breathed out slowly, trying to steady her racing heart. She knew, deep down when the Doctor told her that Sam would be happy but it was still a nerve-wracking drive home.

"Are you okay?"

"Sam, I'm pregnant."

"Yep." He was still watching Polly and all the emotions flitting across her face. "Are you okay?"

"I think so. It's just a shock. I seriously did not even expect it…" she forced a painful little laugh out. "... now it's kind of just smacking me in the face and I am a little terrified to be honest."

"I am a whole lot of terrified."

"When the Doctor asked if I could be pregnant I kind of laughed, I sounded like a hyena on heat. He insisted on the test, standard procedure apparently and he just kind of looked at me and smiled. He said, I think we can skip the implant and I'm like why? Don't you think I'm ready? I want to try it again. He laughed, patted my hand and said too late Polly; you are already pregnant. I told him he was an idiot, that it wasn't funny and then I cried." Polly barely drew breath as she talked at a million miles an hour.

"I wish I'd gone with you."

"I wish you were there too, I was sad you missed out. That moment when it sunk in, I wanted you there." Polly could finally laugh. "One thing I do know though….. I am glad it's with you. I am kind of glad we fucked it up."

"I am having that moment right now." Sam leant back and brushed the hair back from her forehead. "This is what I want, more than anything. I think it's amazing." He had an overwhelming need to kiss her, so he did, long and slow. His hand found it's way to her stomach and he rested it there gently and the kiss was loving, passionate and intense. They couldn't speak right now so they needed to show each other how they felt.

Polly wasn't surprised when her mother followed her out of Adam's room. He had eventually drifted off to sleep; Adam was still recovering and would sleep half the day, which gave them all a break from his constant whinging. Although today he was on cloud nine, so now they were taking a break from Adam's insistence that Kim be called Hot Nan.

Polly was waiting for it. She had braced herself for Kim's reaction and it was also one of the reasons she didn't want Sam here. If he had seen one ounce of disappointment from Kim or Adam he would have lost it. He was adamant that this was a good thing and Polly didn't want anyone to ruin that for him. "Just say it Mom."

"I am happy for you both, it's just a bit of surprise."

"For us too."

"What happened?"

"I told you I had to have my implant taken out, it was causing problems." Polly was already on the defensive and Kim wasn't overly impressed with her tone of voice. They had desperately hung on over the past two months because it had been rough and now they just wanted to enjoy the next few months and look forward to meeting their baby.

"Yes, so it's not the only form of birth control."

"For me it is, the Doctor didn't want me to go on the pill, and neither did I as that is worse, you know it is and the non-hormonal stuff doesn't suit me either. We didn't really have a lot of choices. It doesn't really matter now does it? I'm pregnant, that horse has bolted and we are happy. Really happy, please don't rain on my parade or Sam's." Polly fossicked around in her bag and pulled out a bottle of water. She couldn't believe how thirsty she was at the moment. Some days she felt like she was drinking a swimming pool full of water and the last few days, since Adam had woken up she was constantly eating, she was always hungry and snacking and Sam joked that she was making up for lost time because he had struggled to get her to eat for a while.

"I am not going to rain on your parade, Polly sweetheart I am happy for you and I am excited but it is really quick."

"I know. We know that but it was going to happen eventually, with Sam. You know how I feel about him Mom, we knew that one day we'd have a family so it's just a bit earlier than we'd like but here we are."

"You sound so blasé about it. It's a big deal Polly, everything changes."

"We are not blasé about it, trust me, we've freaked out a shitload, we are still freaking out. We've also talked a lot about what we want and how we are going to manage but we are not teenagers Mom, we are both thirty and I don't want to be an old parent. You and Dad did it."

"Yes we did but we had been together for a while and were engaged." Kim was watching her twist and untwist the lid of her drink bottle and could tell that Polly was getting annoyed and it was the last thing she wanted to do, she didn't want to upset Polly but she wanted to make sure they knew what they were in for.

"So if we are engaged it's okay?"

"No Polly, don't twist my words."

"It could have been worse, it could have been Austin."

"Thank god you didn't have an issue with your birth control while you were still with him seeing as you don't seem to be able to control yourself."

"I can control myself and I did with Austin. Sam and I just, well we tried really hard but on the odd occasion it just wasn't convenient and well, here we are."

"Polly!" Kim almost screeched. "You are smarter than that."

"No, I didn't mean it like that. Sam just wanted me to feel well and to not struggle with the implant and the Doctor wanted me to have a break. We tried to be careful and Sam was pretty good with it all..." She shrugged. If she wanted to completely freak her mother out she would have told her it was probably on the bonnet of a car in the parking lot at the zoo when this little mishap occurred. "..occasionally though we just got carried away. Anyway, it's done, Sam's bun is in my oven."

Kim rolled her eyes. "You spend far too much time with your father." That was all Adam coming out of her mouth right now.

"Are you happy Mom? I am happy, really happy. I can't wait and I am terrified too." Polly voice started to shake a little. "I can't do this without you."

"Of course I'm happy. I just had to say it, I'm your mother it's my job to make sure you are making smart choices and baby..." She pulled Polly into her arms. "…you are not alone Polly. I'm here; I'll always be here for you and my grandbaby. I think this baby is lucky, it's got you and Sam."

"The smartest choice I made was saying yes when Sam called me and said he was waiting outside my building. I don't regret anything."

Polly left while Adam was still sleeping and promised that she'd come back tomorrow and bring Sam. He had to face the music eventually and Adam had already sent him a message although he refused to show Polly what he said. She was picking him up from work and they were having dinner with his parents. "How are my Babies?" Sam was surprised that Polly was waiting for him in his office. She was curled up on the couch in the corner where Sam often slept if he stayed overnight.

It was surprisingly comfortable. Sam's office was quite large because he did often long hours here. It had a table and chairs in the corner where he held daily meetings with his team and often had dinners with Polly when he was working late. The large overstuffed green couch wasn't the prettiest she'd seen but it was big enough for Polly to sleep on. One wall was covered with a bookshelf, overflowing with all manner of books, photos, magazines and folders. Sam was a little old school and loved grabbing a book to find something out rather than just look on the computer.

On the corner of his desk he had one photo. The photo Polly had given him for his birthday.

"Tired."

"How's the Grandies?"

"Have you not checked your phone?" Polly sat up a little so that Sam could sit down and she plonked the pillow in his lap so she could lie back down. "Dad sent you a message."

"It's on the desk. What did it say or don't I want to know." Sam lifted her shirt and started playing with her stomach, it was starting to stick out just a little not that anyone noticed when Polly was dressed but they could both see it. She was just a little thicker around the waist.

"He wouldn't show me."

"Are they okay though?"

"Mimi and Pops? They are excited."

"Interesting choice of name by your Mom."

"It's cute isn't it?" Polly shivered a little and Sam grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and covered her over. "Dad wanted her to be Hot Nan."

That made Sam laugh, of course Adam would say that. "Are you ready for round two?"

"I think so, do you think your parents will be happy? I want them to be happy."

"They will be. Mom loves babies."

"Anyway, tell me about your day?"

"Pretty quiet. We had some tour group come through so that was a little intense for an hour or so, I don't think anyone actually spoke English; they just nodded and took photos of me talking. One of them was keen to swim with the Polar Bears, try explaining to someone that it was not an option with hand signals and broken English."

"You have all the fun."

"Have you eaten much today?" Before Polly could answer Sam added. "And by much I mean not that bag of fruit and nuts you carry around to nibble on, I mean real food." Polly had constantly tried to convince Sam that the snacks she had were enough and that grazing all day was better. He was having none of it though and made sure she had a decent breakfast. _'You are growing my baby, I've got some skin in this game too.'_ He would tell her if she complained too much.

"Yes. Mom made me eat lunch. I told you, once they know you will have two more people on side to nag me."

"Thank fuck for that."

"Yes, yes. Thank fuck for that, just what I want, 24/7 nagging. At least when you are at work I get some peace."

"Ah, you love it and you wait until Mom gets whiff of it."

Sam had to disappear for a half an hour to do the final lockdown for the night so he left Polly in his office. Before he left he grabbed his phone and laughed. "What does it say?"

"It's personal." He winked as he slipped his coat on, put his phone in his pocket and left.

"So you are not going to tell me what Dad said?" Polly was still on about it as they headed to his parents place.

"If I don't tell you, you will just check my phone while I am sleeping won't you?"

"No."

"Bullshit."

It wasn't as bad as he was expecting. _'Hey Zookeeper, First you pop her cherry & now you knock her up. You and I need to have a chat & remember, I have guns…. big guns. I am available anytime for questions.' _But it was freaking Polly out not knowing so he was willing to continue playing this game and he knew Adam would expect nothing less of him. Polly tried to make out that it annoyed her when Sam and Adam ganged up to tease her but she loved it. She had to love how well they seemed to get on, however if things turned to shit Sam would be a dead man.

"Hey Mom." Sam threw his arms around his mother. "What's for dinner?"

"It's good to see you too." She pushed him away and hugged Polly.

"I'm going to grab a shower, is that okay?" Polly was kind of surprised. He seemed nervous all of a sudden and she didn't want to be left here and pretend like nothing was going on. She hoped that Jolene didn't pick up how jittery she was as she tried to make small talk while she waited for Sam to come back down.

When he did he called his Dad into the kitchen and literally blurted it out. He shoved his phone at them with a photo of the sonagraph. "A surprise Baby. Very unexpected." It was almost like he'd lost the ability to form sentences.

"Oh my god." Jolene gasped.

"That's our baby." He was so blunt about it Polly was a little speechless.

"What?"

"That's a human, our human. Your grandchild."

Jolene stared at them both and then back at the screen before bursting into tears. "Oh my god." She covered her mouth with her hands and cried before throwing her arms around them both. "Oh my god, this is wonderful." She leant back and looked Polly over. "How are you? Are you well? Any morning sickness? Can I get you something?" She reached for her husband. "Phil get Polly a chair."

"A little, nothing major but I am starting to turn the corner now. Now that I am passed the 12-week mark I've felt pretty good for the past week or so, just the occasional bump now. It was a little rough with Dad but we are pretty much over that now."

Sam really liked how they both crowded around Polly, hugging her as she showed them the video of his baby again. He loved that video and had watched it a million times; he couldn't get over how much he was obsessed by that little baby, just as much as he was obsessed with Polly.

"Boy or Girl? Or is it too early?" Jolene hugged Polly tightly.

"We don't know yet and we haven't really decided if we want to find out. I think my next scan is when they can tell."

"I bet Kim is excited? Their first grandbaby?"

"They are, both of them are. We really wanted them to know so it might help cheer Dad up and he's more determined than ever to get out of hospital now."

"Well this is worth celebrating. A new baby." Jolene clapped her hands. "Let me get the sparkling water."

It did feel a little like the Spanish inquisition over dinner about where they were going to live, what about a wedding, Polly's work and surprisingly their birth plan. "We are still getting used to it being in there, we haven't figured out how we are going to get it out yet."

Sam left early the next morning, before Polly was awake. He had someplace he needed to be before he got into work. Pushing open the door to Adam's room he wasn't surprised that he was already awake. Adam didn't sleep well in hospital and was often up early much to his annoyance.

"I was waiting to see you." He flicked off the TV and stared hard at Sam as he handed him a coffee. He knew better than to turn up without one. The coffee here sucked and Adam was a serious addict.

"Thought you might be. How you feeling?"

"Like a useless slab of meat and strangely older and I feel an overwhelming need to say something wise."

Sam pulled up a chair and Adam did like that he seemed a little nervous. He really liked this kid; he was smart, funny, and hardworking and adored his daughter. "How's Polly?"

"Still asleep when I left. She's pretty tired at the moment." Sam just dove in. "I love Polly, more than anything and I am going to look after her and our baby. We are really happy, slightly shocked and terrified but I wouldn't want to be doing this with anyone else. I want you to know that I'll take care of her."

"I know you will."

"Adam, I adore her and one day I will marry Polly, but right now we just don't think we can cope with a wedding and a baby and getting you back on your feet." Sam rambled on and Adam let him go. "Polly is worried about you and I have been out of my mind trying to make sure she is taking it easy and looking after herself and her body. The DCFS thing shook her up and we just want things to calm down. My focus is solely on making sure Polly and the baby are okay. I hope you understand."

"I do Kid, I do. Having a baby is a big deal, far bigger than the wedding. Although don't tell Kim that please, she'll break my other leg." Adam understood exactly where Sam was coming from. Polly was so much like Kim it wasn't funny and the amount of stress she'd been under lately was too much. "I just want her to be happy and I know you make her happy."

"She makes me happy too. I feel like I've hit the jackpot."

"And I will be waiting patiently for the day I get to give her away. Just don't run off and elope and take that away from me."

"I won't." Sam jumped up and offered his hand to Adam, who took it and pulled him in for a hug.

"Welcome to the family Sam, you belong here." Adam pushed him away playfully. "Now go before it gets too soppy." He called out to Sam as he got to the door. "Hey bud, look after my granddaughter too."

"You think it's a girl?"

"I think every man deserves a daughter to love as much as I love mine. Once you have a daughter, you'll get it."


	26. Before the Storm

If only Kim knew how much they had both freaked out and were still freaking out. For a few days they didn't talk about it and just let it sink in, occasionally they would look at each other and laugh. How the hell were they going to do this? Polly and Sam went for a follow up appointment and while it had been a relief to find out that everything looked good so far it was also now very, very real and that they found a little confronting. It didn't look like much to them, but that little blob on the screen was definitely their baby and as shocked as they were they were in love with it.

Polly turned to Sam the moment they got out of the Doctor's office. "Well congratulations Daddy, you've officially knocked me up." Her laugh was a little bittersweet. The list of things for them to read was overwhelming and right now it seemed surreal.

"So it seems." It wasn't long after that Sam decided they needed to get away for a few days. He rearranged a few things at work before he told Polly they were getting away on the weekend. It was his weekend to work so he had to swap with someone else and do a little begging but he got it sorted and they headed up to the Summer House. "I think we have a lot to talk about." They'd ignored it for long enough, it had been more than a week and they'd barely talked about it and apart from making sure Polly was eating and sleeping well they just didn't mention the baby.

"I'd like that. Sam, we are okay aren't we?"

He tugged her beanie down over her ears and kissed her nose. "Yes Baby, we are okay."

Polly had been in her new job a week, one whole week and now she had to tell her boss that she was going to need time off. She wasn't sure if that was making her feel sick or the pregnancy was. They had a few weeks before anything needed to be said to anyone and that was a relief because they had no idea what they were doing. They hadn't even talked about how long Polly would take off work.

It didn't seem that long ago that Sam wandered into the bedroom at precisely the wrong moment for Polly and he immediately noticed the red mark on her arm. "What's that? What happened?" He touched it lightly and Polly pulled her arm away.

"Don't," she snapped.

"What is it? Does it hurt?"

"No it's fine." Polly tried not to grimace as she slid her arm into her sweater sleeve.

"Obviously." His response was just as snarky. "You can barely move it."

"I think it's just my implant."

"It doesn't usually hurt does it?" He had never heard Polly complain about it before and she had always had one in. To be fair though there was a ten-year chunk that he was still learning about. Perhaps this wasn't unusual, just unusual for him.

"No."

"Are you going to see someone about it?"

"Yes."

"Okkkkay." Sam whistled through gritted teeth. "You are obviously in a bad mood."

"I feel like shit."

"How long?" He let his eyes roll back slightly when she didn't answer. "How long have you felt like shit?" Sometimes it was like pulling teeth getting information from Polly when she was cranky. "Obviously today, that goes without saying."

"Very fucking funny."

"Why are you shitty with me?" It was stupid of Sam to continue goading her; he'd never been very smart in regards to that but then again her family never put up with her moody shit either. Now was probably not the time to poke the bear but he did anyway. If he was going down in flames it may as well be an inferno.

"Because you keep asking dumb fucking questions."

"Since when is asking why your arm is sore and why you are feeling shit classified as a dumb fucking question?"

"Since right now."

"Right. You are fucking impossible to talk to when you are like this." He shrugged, annoying Polly no end as he continued into the bathroom, the original reason he came in anyway and then back out without saying another word. There was zero point talking to her at the moment and walking away just got her back up even more. It was a lose/lose situation so Sam decided to err on the side of doing what he wanted rather than hitting his head up against a brick wall trying to fight with Polly. She was a Ruzek, he knew to give her space and time and then come at her again or wait for her to calm down.

"I feel really crappy." He hadn't even bothered to stop reading when Polly emerged from the bedroom because he was expecting that he'd probably be ignored anyway. His apartment wasn't that big, it had one bedroom and one and a half baths. The windows were large and looked out on to Lincoln Park and had hardwood floors and a small balcony. The kitchen wasn't exactly huge but it worked and he had a room for a small dining table and made the effort to sit down at the table and eat dinner with each other at least two nights a week. Polly spent at least half the week at his place and he would stay with her a few nights. It was pretty stupid paying for two rents but neither of them seemed game enough to bring up living together just yet.

"Okay."

"They weren't dumb questions. I know you are just trying to help me and I was a bitch."

"Yep." Sam popped the bookmark into the book and closed the cover. He had always been more than happy to tell her when she was being a bitch. Polly had been stunned at first but was used to it now and fortunately it didn't happen often, she wasn't often like this so he knew something was bugging her. "How long? What's wrong?"

"It started aching a week ago but today it was way worse. I feel queasy and I get all these cramps and I know what's next."

"What does that mean? What's next?"

"I guess I get a period and that will be really heavy and painful. It gets pretty bad and you might want to take a wide berth, like a really wide berth, sleeping with the Lions might be a better choice." He did think that was a little dramatic but that was Polly. "I think my implant has stopped working."

"Then take it out." It seemed such a simple equation, it was hurting her and making her feel like shit so she needed to take it out and surely that would fix the problem, he wasn't a complete idiot, he knew there were other things she could do. Polly didn't need him to fix it or offer a solution though; she just needed him to listen.

"What? The implant?" It wasn't just as simple as taking it out, yet being male he didn't understand that and Polly had to take a deep breath and try not to snap at him. She failed. "You are just worried you want be able to throw a leg over because I am in a bad mood or closed for maintenance as you call it."

"Yes, that's exactly what I am worried about." He bit at her sarcastically as he reached for his book again. If she was going to let princess bitch face out again she was on her own.

"Sorry." Polly's voice softened.

He looked up from his book, this was serious mood swing territory and it was a little unexpected and Sam felt that he was probably half way up shit creek and had a very loose grip on the paddle. "Has it happened before?"

"Yes, they only last a few years then need to be replaced, it's never been this bad though." Polly grabbed the wheat bag she had warmed in the microwave and lay down with her head on Sam's lap and placed the warm bag across her abdomen. "My Doctor said last time if the symptoms got worse this time around I should look at having it taken out and give my body a break. I've got an appointment after work tomorrow."

Sam was already home by the time that Polly came in from her Doctor's appointment. He gone to her place because he had the feeling she would go there rather than his place and try and avoid talking to him. "How'd you go?" Firstly he was grateful that she didn't seem pissed off to see him; that was a good start.

"Okay." She dumped her bag by the door and headed for the fridge, yanking it open and staring into the abyss for a few minutes before she slammed it shut and reached for a glass instead and filled it up from the tap.

Sam watched her carefully for a few minutes. "You wanna talk to me?"

"You don't want to know, trust me." After finishing the water she set the glass down on the bench and Sam saw her hands shake slightly. "It's not pretty."

"Baby, you've no idea where I've had my hand stuck today, whatever you've got is nothing." And it was true, they'd sedated a zebra because he had an unusual discharge from his penis, it wasn't pretty or even slightly amusing. It was just plain nasty so whatever Polly had going on was a walk in the park. Some days his job was just ugly. He tried to lighten the mood by giving Polly a very graphic description of his day.

"That's gross." She screwed up her nose. Some of the stuff he came home and talked about was seriously disgusting and Polly never thought about that side of his job. She had always imagined zoo keeping meant just feeding and the good times that the public saw, not all the behind the scenes stuff that just grossed her out. "Sam I am fine. The doctor was reasonably sure that everything would settle down now that it's out."

"You didn't get another one put in?"

"Not yet."

"Okay. And things will settle down?"

"Hopefully." It was sweet that all he seemed to care about was that she was feeling better or at the very least going to feel better soon. "There is a small issue though."

"What?"

"I can't use any other form of birth control just yet." He wasn't really sure why, there were other things they could do surely. "I've been on the pill before and it was ten times worse than the past few days. It was horrific and made me feel pretty hideous all the time. Dad called me Feral Beryl."

"Well you are not doing that then."

"You don't want to see me feral?"

"Not really. The past few days have been bad enough but I don't want you to feel like shit." Polly still wasn't sure she liked it when Sam was brutally honest with her even though she was bought up with her whole family doing exactly the same thing but then again she was never left wondering and surely that was a good thing. "What are our choices then?"

Polly smiled, she liked that he said 'our choices' "Nothing. I can't use non-hormonal either."

"What the hell is that?"

"I can't use on IUD. My body rejects it and I was in agony the whole time I had the last two put in." Sam cringed a little at the image he had in his head about those things. He had some vague recollection of learning about them back in high school but it was certainly nothing he'd even had to contemplate for more than a decade. "There is a diaphragm but I need to stop and put that in before sex and use spermicide and it's uncomfortable and I didn't enjoy sex because I could always feel it." Sam just cringed; there was nothing remotely sexy about any of that. This was starting to sound like a bit of a nightmare. "And I need to take it out straight after."

"So condoms it is then?"

"I am afraid so, for a few months and then he will consider letting me try the implant again." Polly stared at her hands. "Otherwise our options are the withdrawal method or abstinence." She saw the look on his face and she assumed he was not impressed by either option. "I'm sorry."

It was a big day, not only did Sam tell her that he didn't mind using condoms until she was sorted again, in fact he picked some up when he did an ice-cream run a few hours later but it was also when he decided they needed to live together and told Polly that he'd be okay if they fucked up.

"Fuck what up? Living together?" Polly was a bit stunned. In one breath he was telling her they needed to live together but he wasn't sure they could do it? That didn't make sense, she wasn't going to move in with him if he was okay if they fucked it up, and that wasn't a great way to start.

"No, I mean with the condom thing, if we fuck that up and end up pregnant I think we'd be okay."

Polly cried, then hugged him and then cracked open the box of condoms.

And while they tried hard to be sensible and for the most part they were at the end of the day they fucked up and now they were both freaking out.

It was bitterly cold and the house was freezing when they arrived so Sam quickly lit the fire while Polly curled up on the couch with a rug and waited for it to warm up. They'd stopped on the way to grab something to eat and now she was exhausted. This was kicking her ass, and while they had blamed it on all the shit at work with her old boss and starting a new job they now knew it was much more than that; much, much more.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Just hot water and lemon." Polly often drank it in the mornings especially if she hadn't been particularly looking after herself, if they'd been out a lot or eating too much crappy food.

"You feeling sick?"

"A little queasy. I think it's just because I am tired."

"You want to go to bed?"

"No, I want to cuddle up on the couch in front of the fire with you." She held out her hand. "I feel like you are scared to touch me. I won't break."

While that wasn't quite true because Sam cuddled up to her in bed every night but during the day he was a little distant. "I want to touch you in ways you can't imagine." In the two weeks since the Doctor had dropped this bombshell they'd hadn't even got close to having sex. Sam had suddenly got busy at work and Polly was confused. He insisted that he was okay with everything but it just didn't feel right.

"Then why don't you?"

"I didn't think you wanted me too."

"I feel a little lonely." She looked so sad and Sam felt like an idiot. "The damage has already been done." She patted her stomach lightly.

"Oh baby, no." he crawled under the blanket with her. "I'm sorry. You know how much I love you. I mean…." He started kissing her neck. "You have my baby in here…" slipping his hand under her sweater he stroked her stomach. "I think you are so precious, I don't want to hurt you."

"You are not going to hurt me."

And he didn't, he extremely gentle and tender with her, like she was made of glass but he had to admit, having her naked body pressed against his was pretty fucking sweet.

"That spun me out a little." He admitted. Polly was lying on top of him, her head resting on his chest and Sam was running his hands up and down her back, tracing her spine.

"Hmmm." He loved how she would go into this trance like state for a few minutes after they had sex. It made him feel good knowing that he did that to her. He waited for a few minutes and eventually she lifted her head. "What did?"

"That. Like having sex knowing that you have our baby in here."

"Sam, we had sex two weeks ago. Remember? And it wasn't like that, it was pretty wild."

"Yes, but I didn't know you were pregnant then."

"Does it bother you? Did you not like it?" Her lip quivered and he was guessing, for what he had read that he needed to get used to the emotional side of Polly, luckily he had plenty of experience. Their whole first year together was a rollercoaster of emotion.

He grabbed both of her cheeks and bought her face close to his. "You were friggin' incredible. I loved it and I can't wait to do it again."

Polly slipped her hand down between them. "You've got a little way to go."

"Then I'll just keep kissing you until I am ready." He sucked on her bottom lip. "And there is one bonus to all this."

"What's that?"

"Ahhh, Baby its bare back all the way now." Polly squealed when Sam dug his fingers into her sides and made her squirm. "Fuck that felt good." He never had an issue with having to use condoms but he wasn't going to lie he preferred not to.

They left the baby talk alone until the next morning. Sam was watching her sleep, trying to formulate a plan. Up until now he had spent a bit of time reading up about the pregnancy and what stage they were at but little else. One thing he did know was that she was beautiful and he couldn't imagine a life without her. The ten years he'd spent away from her hadn't been bad, not by any stretch of the imagination but he never had this feeling. He never felt so sure of his future.

Brushing her hair away from her forehead, he kissed her softly and crept out of bed to use the bathroom and when he came back Polly was awake. "I felt you get up."

"Sleep okay?" He crawled back under the covers.

"I did, you tired me out." Polly had got up quickly and was back snuggled beneath the covers before she got too cold.

"Good." Sam piled up some pillows behind his head and sat up against the headboard and waited for her to be settled. "I've been thinking."

"About what?"

'Well, first of all, about you and how I can keep you safe and happy and healthy, about the baby, about how do we tell people, when do we tell people, where we are going to live, should we get married."

"That's a lot of thinking Baby. When did you sleep?"

"You were fast asleep I had to do something."

"And?"

"I have no idea."

They'd put off any discussion about the baby for long enough; they couldn't keep ignoring it. There was no luxury of time, some things had to change from the start. What Polly ate, drank and what they did all had to change and not just the half-hearted attempt so far. "Where should we start?"

"The baby," Polly liked that Sam's hand was on her stomach and she covered it with hers. "This is the most important thing."

"Right." Sam nodded. Polly had decided, because of her mother's own miscarriage and what she had read that it would be wise to keep it to themselves for the first three months. "I read that."

"You've been reading?" Polly was a little surprised. They hadn't talked about it at all and he'd been at work so she wondered when he had time and when they did get a chance to talk they completely ignored the baby.

"Yep." They formulated a bit of plan of how to get around it. Sam was knee deep in study at the moment so they could blame him for being too busy to go out or that he didn't drink when he was in exams and Polly was supporting him. They had no idea if it was going to work but they were willing to try. "And I've been thinking about one other thing."

"What?"

Sam wriggled down the bed and kissed her flat stomach. "I've been thinking about whether this in here…" he kissed it again. "…is my son or my daughter."

Polly ran her fingers through his hair. "You know, that makes me a bit teary." What she loved most about what he said was he didn't just say boy or girl, it was his son or daughter and while that sounded a little surreal it was also a beautiful thought.

They both heard Polly's stomach grumble a little. "You need to eat? I need to feed my Baby, both of them."

"I could do some toast and I bought some ginger tea, I haven't tried it yet but it is supposed to help with nausea."

"Do you feel sick?"

"Not too bad. I thought I'd give it a go though before I get too bad, apparently that's still to come so that's something to look forward too. I already feel like I have a pea sized bladder, I get to enjoy constipation, swollen ankles, my boobs are sore, stuff will start to leak and I'm going to love those stretch marks and apparently my nipples get huge." Polly ticked them off her fingers. "And you get to do what?"

"To love you." Sam grimaced when Polly twisted his nipple playfully but she loved what he said. He kissed her quickly as he climbed out of bed "And our baby." He threw back over his shoulder as he left, he was more than happy to get up and make them some breakfast and bought it back into bed. He noticed that Polly had her eyes closed again. Now that they knew about the unexpected pregnancy it explained why she was so exhausted and he was conscious that Polly was getting enough rest now.

The whole fiasco at DCFS had been a rough. As they expected it didn't just go away when Polly reported her boss and quit. He denied it, blamed Polly and tried to even insinuate that she came onto him and the only reason she quit was because he rebuffed her. It was ugly and took its toll on Polly and they didn't know she was in her early stages of pregnancy either and she had crawled into a hole and cried a hell of a lot. Sam just waited for her to crawl back out, and she did, into the safety of his arms. Fortunately enough women came forward to throw his story out the window and he was sacked a few days later but it still knocked her on her ass.

"Speaking of reading, shouldn't you be studying this weekend?"

"No, we should be here figuring out what the hell we are doing." There was no way Sam could concentrate on his study until he had all this clear in his head, they'd ignored it for long enough and he wanted to get this sorted now. He was ready to accept that they were expecting a baby and wanted to talk about it. "And I am studying, I am studying what it's like to fall in love with a pregnant body and a baby I can't see or feel yet."

"I have no idea what the hell we are doing."

"It's exciting though, hey?" Sam was starting to get there. They talked about whether they wanted to get married or not, more about the timing than anything. They wanted to get married but it was seemingly low on both their priority lists at the moment. "Do you want a boy or girl?"

"I don't know, it changes all the time. I'd love a girl to dress up and I think of how close Mom and I are and I would love that, I think my Dad would spoil the shit out of her and I would love you to have that kind of relationship with a daughter that I have with my Dad because I think I am pretty lucky and I know if this is a girl then she would be too. Then I think how precious it would be for you to have a son, I can see you coaching sport, taking him to the zoo, and building shit together and I'd love that too. Dad would be awesome like my Pops was. So I don't know." Sam loved how her face was alight as she rambled on. "What do you think?"

"Hmmm…..Thinking about my folks, Mom would go ape shit over a girl, it would be insane. Dad was always better with us boys than my sisters. He's not as close to them as you are to Adam but I think having a granddaughter would change all that and he would dote on her something crazy." Polly was watching him closely. It was always his eyes that she loved to watch when he was talking passionately about something, and he was passionate about this baby.

"I think you want a girl."

"Is that wrong? I mean I don't really care, as long as it's healthy and you are as well then I don't really care. That's such a cliché though isn't it?"

"A little bit, but I really like that you want a girl."

"Why's that?"

"Because most men want a son, you know to carry on their name, it's all macho and they can beat their chests. It's like it's an extension of their dick or something."

"I think the fact that you are even pregnant is validation enough that my dick is doing just fine."

"You want me to check?"

Sam grabbed the plate from her lap and threw it on side table. "Yes."

By the time they made it out of bed it was almost lunchtime and they bundled themselves up and took a short walk along the beach. The bitterness soon drove them back inside but it was nice to get some fresh air. "We should think about moving." Sam was making them some lunch while Polly warmed herself by the fire. She liked that he was fussing over her but it was going to get old very quickly. Somehow she knew she'd have to get used to it, Sam was not going to change and once their parents knew he would rope them all into his insanity.

"Again?"

"Yeah, I'd like a house for us. I remember you told me that you bought your house as a family home, do you want that to be our family home?"

"It needs work."

"Well we can do that? Or we can find something else. I just think it will be easier to move before the baby is born rather than pack up and move with a new baby."

"You know it won't need much space for a while. It's not like one of your animals, it won't be up and running around in an hour."

"Yes, I do know that. We live in a one bedroom flat, it's not that big and it seems like baby's need a lot of crap and I just want to be settled before the baby comes. Is that okay?"

"Sure. If that's what you want." It was seriously the last thing Polly was thinking about but obviously Sam was trying to cover everything. It was different for him, all he could do for Polly was make sure she was safe, eating well and resting. Nothing else he did would affect the baby so he focussed on the material things, where they would live, and work, cars…all the practical stuff.

"It's just a thought."

Polly just left it at that; Sam was going to do what he wanted to do. He would write a list of things that needed to be done at the house and start organising it once she agreed that it was stupid to pay rent or take out another mortgage when they had a perfectly good, paid off house available to them particularly if Polly was not going to be working for a while. He was right in saying that if they moved into that house, mortgage free then Polly could have more time off with the baby. He'd be happy for Polly to take six months to a year off if she wanted. "Do you want to find out what we are having?"

"I don't know." Sam bought the salad through to the lounge. "How long before we have to decide?"

They decided that at the moment they were keen to wait and be surprised on the day, perhaps they would change their mind later on but right now it was exciting. "Are you worried you'll be disappointed if it's a boy."

"I won't be disappointed if it's a boy. It's our baby, I am already in love."

"Yeah?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." Sam was left speechless when Polly started crying. He really wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to handle this or how long this was going to keep happening. "Why are you crying?" He was a bit stunned so probably spoke without thinking.

"I don't know."

"Pol, sweetheart. This is good; I want you to know that. I am really happy. I don't care what we have in there," He pointed to her stomach. "It's our baby and that's all I care about."

"I love you." It surprised him how great it was to hear her say that while she was bawling her eyes out.

By the time they headed back to Chicago they felt that they were better prepared for the next few weeks at least. This was happening and there was nothing they could do about it but try and embrace it, some days were easier than others but on those days were it overwhelmed them they at least had each other to lean on.

And they'd had to lean on each other pretty hard when things went to shit with Adam and Sam's work. It had pushed the baby way back in their minds for a few weeks, well as much as it could be anyway.


	27. Crime Scene

Sam whistled slowly. "Wow."

"You like?" Polly spun around. "It doesn't look ridiculous does it?"

"What? No." He jumped up from the chair where he was tying his shoelaces and rested his hands on Polly's protruding belly. "You look beautiful." Of course she didn't look ridiculous; she was stunning and he had to admit her ever-changing shape was a bit of a thrill for him. He loved it when she dressed it up, or when she was casually lying around in one of his shirts and a pair of sweats, in a bikini or in nothing at all, basically he just loved it. Again she was dressed in blue and Sam was delighted that she was wearing a figure hugging dress that showed off her perfect five and a half month pregnant belly. Polly had two dresses to choose from, the stunner she was wearing and one that did more to conceal her bump and was more demure, she looked good in both but Sam loved the tight one. He was proud of her bump and he loved that Polly was embracing it. She had worried that it was too showy and Sam argued that it was hot and he was delighted that he'd won the argument when he saw her come out of their bedroom.

Polly placed her hands over Sam's. "Hard to believe that this time last year we were dancing around each other."

"Still loved you though."

"Hmmm…" She hummed a little as she started to sway and she leant in and whispered in his ear. "I wanted you."

"Fuck Polly, don't do this to me now."

"Down boy, down." She slipped a hand inside his jacket and he felt the warmth of her fingertips through his shirt. How could he calm down when Polly was kissing him? She tasted and smelt fantastic.

"I'm going to take you out the parking lot later."

Running one hand over her belly she chuckled. "Been there done that."

"I think we should revisit, for old time's sake. Anyway, you look beautiful. No one is going to get in my way tonight."

"Don't Sam." Polly had tried really hard not to let the memories of last year ruin her night, but they had come up. They couldn't call what had gone on that night confusing because they both knew what they wanted but it was complicated and gut wrenching.

He apologised, at times he didn't quite understand her wildly swinging emotions, sometimes they joked about that night and other times it was a little tense. They were a little chaotic some days and particularly when she was stressed and the dinner was a big thing. Again it had grown and they were now hosting 500 hundred people at the zoo. He was proud of her; she was doing amazing things.

Alex had insisted that Polly take a couple of steps back tonight. They had hired a function co-ordinator to handle the running of the evening so that she could enjoy the night and also take it easy. The past few weeks she had been running at full rat power and he had seen how tired she was some days, as had Sam especially the nights he woke up to find her still up trying to deal with last minute guest list demands. He knew before he even opened his mouth it wasn't going to end well.

Despite their trepidation about telling Alex about her pregnancy he had been delighted with the news.

Polly knocked on his office door nervously. She had settled in well and had worked hard to get up to speed and then all the shit happened with Adam and Alex had been wonderfully supportive of her taking time off to be with her family.

He beckoned her in. "How's your Dad?" Adam had finally come home on the weekend.

"He's happy to be home that's for sure and he's annoying Mom no end. We are pretty stoked though, apart from the leg he's lucky."

"Good to hear."

"Thank you for the time off to help out. It meant a lot."

"Yes well, for all the time off you had you seemed to get more than your fair share of work done and that presentation, wow they are still talking about it." Polly had worked twice as hard to make sure she was pulling her weight. Sam had been concerned about it but he couldn't stop her.

"It's moving along quite quickly that's for sure. I didn't expect that."

"Well hopefully by next school year it will be up and running."

Polly twisted her hands in her lap. She felt the increased pressure in her stomach a little more acutely today and it was starting to get harder to hide. The weather was fining up and she could no longer hide behind her winter coats and sweaters. Sam would love coming home and getting Polly to lie down so he could check out her belly. At the end of the day it was always a little more prominent. "Yes, well about that. I have some news." Alex leant back in his chair and Polly suddenly had all of his attention. "Umm…I may need some time off later in the year, around October about six months." She just ripped the Band-Aid off.

"Are you pregnant?"

"I am. I'm sorry." She blurted out.

"Sorry, for what? Polly that's great news. Congratulations to both you and Sam." He jumped up from his desk and pulled her out of her chair for a hug. "Awesome news."

"Really?"

"Yes really, why would you think otherwise? Having a baby is exciting. We love babies here."

"It's just all been a bit of whirlwind you know, more like a hurricane actually." Her voice shook a little and a tear escaped the corner of her eye. "With Dad, starting this job, which I love by the way. The problems with DCFS…" Alex had supported her all the way when she was dealing with the fallout from that. He had been a very solid sounding board for her and encouraged her to see it through to the end. "…and now leaving you in the lurch."

"You are not leaving me in the lurch unless you are telling me that you are finishing up today?"

"No, I will keep working, I want to keep going and I want to come back if you will have me."

"Of course I'll have you back. I didn't chase you for two years to give you up that easy."

Alex was excited. His eldest was 16 and the twins were 13 now and he missed having little ones around. His main concern was how Polly was feeling and how her pregnancy was going. His own wife had sailed through both her pregnancies, even the twins were relatively easy for her and he hoped it was the same for Polly. She hadn't worked for him for long but he'd known her a while now and everything she did impressed him. He knew how lucky he was to have her on his team.

"It's going really well now." Alex wanted to know how she was feeling and if there was anything they could do to make things easier for her if needed. "It was a little hairy for a while but I think Dad made that worse. Sam is over the moon although we were pretty shocked to be honest. It wasn't planned." She leant back and patted her slight bulge. "I am nearly four months now and it's getting harder to hide."

"I think it's great news. It's all about the kids here and now we are having our own little one."

She had called Sam when she finished with Alex and burst into tears when she heard his voice. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Oh okay, sounds like it." It was hardly unusual lately to have Polly in tears. Holy hell she was like a walking crying factory some days. He'd find tissues spread all around the place and their bed was always half full of them and trying to figure out why was like spinning a wheel, nine times out of it was something he'd said or done or hadn't done.

"I told Alex."

"And?"

"He's happy for us."

"Of course, that's why you are crying." Sam was still getting his head around Polly's wildly fluctuating emotions. It was a bit of a rollercoaster early on and he had weathered most of the storms well. On the odd occasion though he snapped.

The day Sam put his foot down and stopped Polly spending all day at the hospital had been ugly. She was tired and felt like shit so he was surprised when she got up and started to talk about going in to see her Dad. "Not today."

"What?"

"You are not spending all day sitting in the hospital, not today." Adam had been awake for a few days now and he was doing really well so he didn't see the need to spend all day in the hospital.

"You can't tell me what to do."

"You look like shit, you've barely slept or eaten. Let's take it easy today." It was Sam's first day off in a while and things had settled down at work but he was looking forward to spending the day with Polly. "I've got the day off."

"I'm fine."

"You are not fine, not today." Sam was digging his heels in, for whatever reason he wasn't going to back down today. "You're pregnant."

"Thank you Einstein. I know I am pregnant, you know because it's inside my body. I think I can decide what's best for my baby."

"Our baby."

The little flash of anger in her eyes made his toes curl slightly but he didn't flinch. "That's all you care about isn't it?"

"No, I care about you."

"So you don't care about the baby?" He seriously had whiplash.

"You are fucking impossible to talk to some days." They were both as stubborn as each other but at some point they'd meet in the middle. After she had cried, of course and he just stood and watched Polly burst into tears and felt like an asshole for it. He took a step towards her and she glared at him and fled into the bathroom. Following her would have been akin to a death sentence so he left it alone.

Polly slipped her arms around his neck when she came out as he was sitting on the couch watching TV. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay Baby, it's been a hard couple of weeks for both of us. Please let me worry about you, that's all I can do. I can't do anything for our baby except make sure you are taken care of."

"You are doing great."

"Some days I don't think so." He leant back and Polly rested her chin on his shoulder.

"Nobody else I'd want in my corner. I'm glad it's your baby causing all this havoc."

"Thank fuck for that."

"Speaking of which…" she kissed his neck and whispered in his ear. "…You wanna fuck around for a bit?" He wasn't going to say no to that and he jumped up before she could change her mind. It was a rollercoaster that's for sure and when her hormones surged Sam always benefitted and the highs were certainly way up there but the lows came in a rush and they did their best to hang on.

Sam helped her out of the limo and dragged his fingers over her palm. "Look where we are? You want to…."

"No." Polly squeezed grabbed a tight hold of his fingers and he laughed. "You look pretty handsome by the way. I do love a man in a uniform but a suit will do I suppose."

"I wear a uniform."

"Cargo pants and a polo shirt don't count. Sorry."

It felt great to be beside her, meeting people that admired her and congratulated her on the event. He loved hearing people talk about how wonderful the whole thing was, those who had been before and supported this event from the start and the new people who were experiencing it for the first time. Sam either held her hand or had one hand on her back so he felt it when she went a little tense. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Do you need to sit?"

"No." She took a step closer to Sam and arranged a smile on her face.

"Hi Polly. How are you?" The blond man leant in for a kiss, which seemed to stun Polly and Sam felt his protective side kick in. "Beautiful as always."

He thrust his hand at Sam. "Hi I'm Ethan Matthews."

"Oh." He got it now. This was Polly's ex, the man that broke her heart. It seemed strange that the roles were slightly reversed from last year. This time last year he was thrusting his hand at Austin and he was the ex. Polly didn't let go of him though, unlike her slight distance from Austin that night she hooked her arm through Sam's and he could tell she was a little anxious. "Welcome. Thanks for coming and supporting BraveHearts."

"I see congratulations are in order." He nodded at Polly's obvious baby belly and Sam pulled her a little closer into his side much to Polly's annoyance. He didn't need to do this macho shit.

"Thanks. We are pretty excited." Sam filled in for Polly who just withered beside him. If he was a jealous man he would have felt differently but he knew where Polly's heart lie. But he was going to make sure this guy knew that it was his baby as well.

"Hottest ticket in town. I've been trying for years to get a gig to this one."

"How are you Ethan?" Polly finally found her voice.

"I'm good." He stood awkwardly for a few moments. "Anyway, I just wanted to say hello, it was great to see you again. Have a nice night." He turned on his heel and left, he was not quite sure what he had expected to get from Polly and he was a little shaken. Whatever he thought might happen, that wasn't it.

"Are you okay?" Sam whispered in her ear.

"Yes."

"I think you need to sit for a minute and I will get you some water."

"I am fine Sam, don't nag me."

"I am not nagging you I am taking care of you…" his voice had a little edge to it. Perhaps a tinge of jealousy was creeping in and he definitely felt protective and he knew Polly would be pissed with him if he went too far. "…and _my baby_." He didn't need to emphasis the ' _my baby'_ part but he did anyway. He knew he had to rein it in but he couldn't, he was being an alpha male. He knew Polly had a past, hell everyone did it was just hers kept smacking him in the face.

What he didn't expect was to see Polly's icy glare. She turned away from him and took off suddenly and he was starting to freak out just a little. He tried to rationalise that it was just her hormones at play but it did make his heart race a little. He didn't like how much this guy had rattled her. It flashed through his mind that perhaps she still loved him and it was surprising how much it hurt.

By the time he found her, sitting under a tree out the back of the screened off service area he had calmed down a little. One of the catering staff had pointed him in the right direction. It was quieter here, the hum of the crowd and the subtle thump of the music were muted by both the distance and the huge catering tent between them and the dinner. If it weren't for the lights of the tent casting its glow into the air he would have missed her.

"Are you okay?" He stood and watched her for a moment. Her head was bowed and she was sucking in some deep breaths. One hand was resting on her belly and that made him panic.

"Sam?"

"Yes, who were you expecting?"

"I was hoping for you."

"You sure?"

"Yes." She answered without hesitation. "Yes." When she lurched forward Sam's feet propelled him towards her.

Dropping to his knees he cradled her face. "Baby, you are scaring me."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"This, all of this. It's not fair. I love you Sam, I love you and I love our baby."

"I know you do." He stayed on his knees. "Don't cry Pol, you'll mess up that beautiful face."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I shouldn't have let that get to me. You know I love you don't you? Please?" She desperately needed him to know that.

"Hey, hey." Sam pushed her away slightly so that he could see her face, he cradled it gently and pressed his lips against hers, letting them linger. "Polly, come on Sweetheart. Let's not do this. It's okay; it's okay to be rattled. I know you haven't seen him in a long time, I know it ended rough for you and he broke your heart, but I also know where you heart is now."

"With you."

"With me. It's okay. I just don't want it to ruin your night. This is your night, you did all this and you should enjoy it." He waved his hand back towards the party. "Just think, this time last year you were falling in love with me and now look at us." He stroked her belly. "Look how far we've come."

"I wasn't falling in love with you, I was already in love with you."

"Semantics. Whatever, it's a good story and it doesn't change a damn thing. You and me, baby this is it. We've got a good thing going on." Jumping up he pulled Polly up off the bench, wiped her face and smiled. "You might want to go to the bathroom and touch up that beautiful face of yours. I'll wait for you."

When she came back out Sam grabbed her hand and led her back to the function and stayed close to her until she got some traction underfoot again and he let her go do her thing. She was never far from his vision though.

"Gus, How are you?"

"Fine." He was a little blindsided. Last time he saw this guy he punched him out. He felt that familiar twitch in his hand and he tapped it on the bar nervously as he waited for his drink. It couldn't come quick enough.

"Long time no see."

"Fortunately for you."

"I get it, you are still pissed." Ethan leant on the bar, trying to make this seem more casual than it was. "I saw Polly."

"Good for you." Gus had zero interest in having a chitchat with this guy. They'd been close once and Gus had got on well with Ethan but the moment he cheated on Polly and broke her heart he was done. Nobody treated his sister like that, nobody. She had a big heart and she wore that heart on her sleeve and when someone trashed it was a body blow to her and Gus took it very personally. When Ethan cheated and Polly found out about it she was devastated and it took him a long time to convince her to get back on her feet.

Austin was a bust but Sam had bought back the sister he loved. He'd stressed out when he was a lot younger and Polly went through all the shit with Abbey and seeing her fall flat on her face was hard to take. Punching out Ethan had felt good, Polly had been pissed but he never regretted it, not once did he show one ounce of remorse.

"She looks good." Gus didn't like the faraway look on his face as he scanned the crowd. He'd seen that before, he'd always looked like that when he talked about Polly. If he didn't wipe that look off his face he'd punch it off. He had no right to still be in love with his sister, he'd had his chance and blew it.

"She is good."

"And pregnant?" That shocked Ethan. He shouldn't have been surprised, it had been years since they broke up and he knew that Polly always wanted children. "Boy or girl?"

Gus ignored his question, even if he did know Ethan was the last person on earth he'd tell. "What do you want?"

"I want to know that Polly's okay."

"Polly is fine, she's better than fine. Leave her alone."

"I am not here to cause trouble. I want her to know that I never meant to hurt her."

"But you did." Gus poked him angrily in the chest. "You did. You fucked around and broke her heart. She's happy, she's with someone who adores her and has no interest in hurting her and she adores him, she always has. What ever you think you had it doesn't come close to what she had then and now." It clicked with Ethan right then, this guy was Polly's first love. He'd looked familiar; he had seen photos of him around the place. He was the guy he always felt he could never live up too and he had always been a little bit of a shadow over their relationship, particularly early on. He wasn't threatened by Sam back then but he was well aware of how much Polly had loved him. "This is her night; don't fuck it up for her. Leave her alone." Gus grabbed his drink from the bar and walked away. He wanted to punch him but he walked away.

It didn't take long for Sam to find Gus. He had no idea that Gus had already talked to Ethan but he wanted to at least have a conversation with him about it and how much he was worried about Polly. Whether she was pregnant or not wouldn't have mattered, Sam never took a backwards step when it came to protecting the people he loved. "This ex of Polly's?" Sam bought them both a drink and grabbed Gus by elbow and pulled him away from the group he was talking too. "Do I need to worry?" Polly rarely talked about it. He knew the story but just like he didn't talk much about Sophie Polly never felt the need to even think about him.

"Ethan? You've seen him here? I didn't know you knew him?"

"I don't, I didn't but he came over and introduced himself and it freaked Pol out." Gus could see how annoyed Sam was. "What's his deal? Is he going to cause trouble like Austin?"

"Doubt it. He wasn't a fuckwit like Austin."

"I don't want Pol upset."

"I told him to leave her alone. Look, Bud Pol is well and truly over him if that's what you are worried about?"

"No, I'm not." Gus wasn't so sure.

"It was pretty rough, she was devastated when they broke up but she would not even entertain taking him back, he begged her for months to get back together and he even called me to talk to her…"

"What you say?"

"I punched his lights out." Gus shrugged and Sam smiled a little. "I'll do it to you too."

"Right. I got that message a long time ago Gus. I've got no issue with that." And in all honesty he didn't. He knew precisely where he stood with Polly's family, he was actually surprised Ethan still had all his limbs in tact and the balls to show his face again. "I am just worried about Polly."

"You want me to get him to leave."

"No, just make sure Pol's okay." Gus nodded and tapped his glass against Sam's. Nothing else needed to be said. Sam didn't need to tell him to watch out for his sister, it was his default position. Sam would be keeping an eye on her all night but he knew if he went too over the top with his protectiveness Polly would have his balls in a sling. Gus, however would play on the edges, keep an eye on the guy and wouldn't hesitate to run interference if he had too and Polly could rip him to shreds all she liked. He didn't have to go home with her.

Ethan waited until he saw Polly alone, or at least without either her family or her partner nearby. He had managed to avoid them all night. In the distance he had seen Adam and Kim and knew it was in his best interests to stay on the other side of the event to them, particularly Adam although he was pretty sure Kim could pack a punch too given half the chance. "Polly." He approached her tentatively.

"What do you want Ethan?"

"This night is really living up to the hype. Congratulations."

"Thank you." Her words were clipped and a little cold and she instinctively put one arm over her stomach.

"Abbey would be proud of you." He knew how much Abbey meant to Polly and drove her to succeed. He'd been with her when she started dreaming on this type of night. "It's everything you dreamt it would be."

"It's been a lot of hard work."

"But it was your dream." Polly didn't answer, she didn't even acknowledge what he said. She just stared at him coldly. "When are you due?"

Polly didn't want to be in this conversation in the first place, she certainly didn't want to be talking to him about her baby. "Later in the year. Will you excuse me?"

"So Sam?" He had to know if this was the Sam that she had talked about. Having asked around he had eventually found out his name, he was playing with fire talking about Polly with people he hadn't seen in a long time.

"Thank you for supporting BraveHearts. Enjoy your night Ethan." Polly was giving him nothing though as she turned to go and was surprised when he reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Polly, I want to apologise."

"For what?" She looked at his hand and back up at his face. "Don't touch me." She hissed.

"Polly, please I need you to hear me out."

"No I don't, I don't need to hear what you have to say. I said don't touch me." He hadn't let her go and she reefed her arm away. "I needed to hear what you had to say four fucking years ago when you fucked that stripper. I don't need to hear it now. It doesn't matter anymore."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you but I was scared. We were going to weddings, our friends were getting married and I knew that soon enough people would expect that from us and I freaked out. I'm sorry."

"Do you feel better now?"

"No. It is my biggest regret." He held out his hands. "I owed you an explanation and an apology back then. I never meant to hurt you but I know I did."

"Ha, fuck off Ethan. So you are just doing this to make yourself feel better well you can fuck off." She took a step closer and hissed at him. "Crawl back into whatever hole you came out of. I was done with you a long time ago."

Polly didn't see Sam watching her from behind a group of people, but he did watch her and was willing to step in if needed, it actually took all his willpower not to ride in on his white horse to rescue her. When he grabbed her arm he almost leapt out of his skin but Polly was fierce. He could see that fight in her, the way she stood up to him, tall and proud and pissed.

As she walked away from him though he stepped out in front of her and slipped one hand into hers and pulled her close and whispered. "I love you, I love the way you roll."

Polly leant back. "You know what, I felt nothing. He can't hurt me because he's nothing to me." She ran her hand over his cheek. "You on the other hand, god you." He knew what she meant. Polly was a firm believer that the only people who could really hurt you are the ones that you have strong feelings for. Sam could hurt her like no other, he hoped that he never would but he could hurt her because of how much she loved him. Ethan, she felt nothing seeing him again and that was a good thing.

"You are low key getting me off right now."

"Later Baby. Later." She gratefully accepted his kiss and they re-joined the party.

Sam wasn't that keen to let things go though and he certainly had Ethan in his sights. He wasn't walking out of here without knowing precisely where he stood. Sam had watched him most of the night, not obsessively so but every now and then he caught him watching Polly and eventually he'd had enough, he'd hung back when he approached Polly and let her deal with it but standing back wasn't something he did well. "Don't you have anything better to do?" Ethan jumped when Sam spoke; he had walked up behind him and could see where he was looking.

"I don't know what you think I am doing. I'm just enjoying the night."

"Polly's not yours."

"You think you own her? How does she feel about that?"

"Don't you worry about what Polly thinks. I get to do that now. You had your chance and blew it, big time. If you ruin this night for her, which by the way you are coming dangerously close to doing I won't hesitate."

"To do what?"

Sam stepped a little closer. "Trust me. That's my partner and she's pregnant with my child; tell me what you'd do if you felt they were being threatened? If say, you were me." Sam had his limits and Ethan was pushing him towards it.

"I am not here to cause trouble. I am happy for Polly, really I am. I just forgot how beautiful she was."

"I can't argue with that, she is beautiful but Ethan, let it go. You are not going to get the thing you are looking for from Polly. She's not going to forgive you." Sam shook his head. "If you want he to say what you did was okay, it's not going to happen."

"She forgave you for leaving." His mouth twitched into a small smile, almost involuntarily. "Did you think I don't know who you are?"

"I don't really care if you know who I am." Sam shrugged. "There is a difference between forgiving someone for doing what was the right thing to do, even though it sucked for both of us and forgiving someone for fucking a stripper on a buck's night while Polly waited at home for you. Yep, I know who you are too."

"Biggest mistake of my life."

Sam chuckled. "Lucky for me. It would have pissed me off seeing her married to a fuckwit like you. Stay away from Polly, stop hoping for some recognition that she still has feelings for you because you know what, she doesn't, she doesn't even hate you, she feels nothing. A bit like how she feels about Peter Castigan."

"Who?"

"Exactly. He's a nobody to her, a bit like you are now." Sam turned away quickly and left. Slightly relieved that he didn't cop a glass to the back of his head like last time he had a run in with an ex. What was it with Polly and all her wounded ex-lovers? I guess he couldn't blame them; she was hard to forget.

It was the last he saw of him, he pushed him to the back of his mind and enjoyed the night. And the night was spectacular, he couldn't compare it to last year because they were so different, he was in a different headspace back then, but they were equally as memorable. Sam surprised Polly by pulling her onto the dance floor as the night wound down, their precious bump squashed in between them and he knew it wouldn't be long until it really got in the way. "I saw you talking to Ethan."

"Did you?"

"What did you say?" Polly rested her head on his shoulder; she was feeling weary but wasn't giving up this moment for love nor money. "Did you go all alpha-male? Sorry that was a stupid question, of course you did."

"I told him not to ruin your night, to stop hoping for you to forgive him and that you belong to me now."

"I belong to you?" Polly stopped and tilted her head back and looked up at Sam, a little unsure if she liked that or not. It wasn't what he said it was the determination in his voice that surprised her.

"Yes, in the same way as I belong to you." She rested her head back on his shoulder. It was a nice feeling and he wasn't wrong, she did belong to him or at the very least, her heart did. "You remember this song?"

"No."

"Last year, we danced to this." It was all such a blur for Polly. She was too busy trying to figure out what she was feeling to notice anything, she was too busy trying not to give into Sam. Trying to listen to her head and not her heart, this year they were both saying the same thing.

"I can't believe you remembered that."

"I remember everything about that night, everything. I remember every touch.." Sam ran his hand down her back and he was whispering in her ear and Polly was melting into him. "…like at the bar when you put your hand on my arm and I asked you what we were doing, I don't know you said but you did, you did know didn't you?"

"I did."

"I remember dancing with you, the feeling of your hand in mine and that moment in the parking lot."

"I remember that." Sam could feel how tired she was. It had been a long day and he tried to convince Polly to have a rest in the afternoon but she had too much on her mind. Even getting her to sit down for ten minutes was a struggle. "I remember that."

"You do?"

"Hmmm, it's our place. Can we make another memory tonight?"

"We can do whatever your heart desires."

Polly dragged her fingers over his palm and stood on her toes and whispered in his ear. "My heart desires you."


	28. The Littlest Zookeeper

"My Sweet Pea is ripe." Adam held his hands out wide and waited for Polly to manoeuvre her way into them. "How's my granddaughter?"

"Pissing me off. It needs to get out, like now."

Adam threw his head back and laughed. "You sound exactly like your Mom did with you. She wanted to evict you weeks before you were due."

"Like this is seriously uncomfortable. Why in the hell did you go back for another? I've told Sam to make the most of it because this…" she waved her hands over her stomach. "..will be an only child, unless he suddenly grows a uterus."

"Tell me that in a year's time. I will eventually want a grandson to go with my granddaughter."

"Tell Gus to get on that then." Polly pushed him away and lowered herself onto the outdoor sofa and pulled the rug over her legs. Her internal heating system was working beautifully at the moment so it was nice being outside. She was sick of feeling hot all the time so with a rug over her legs the cold on her face it was actually pleasant. Adam was rugged up and firing up the grill as he usually did, because Sunday nights were his thing and only a blizzard stopped him cooking up a storm. "You and Sam with this girl thing." He had gone as far as refusing to discuss boy's name with any seriousness, he was arguing that Atticus or Ebenezer were suitable names for a boy. He was adamant it was a girl despite them steadfastly refusing to find out. "What if it's a boy?"

"Then you will need to give me a granddaughter next." Adam turned back to the grill. "I can't believe you didn't find out."

"You didn't find out either with me or Gus."

"So not the same. I was younger then, not quite as impatient. I am an old man now, I am allowed to be grumpy and demanding." Adam looked thoughtful for a moment. "You know, I don't know how Sam feels but I can tell you for me it's unbelievable what your Mom went through, twice. Like seriously blew my mind; when you watch the woman you love do that, like watching that baby grow and then watching them give birth it's mind blowing. I couldn't do it. And I can tell you watching you now, with my grandchild in there when it felt like yesterday that we saw this tiny alien looking thing on a screen is amazing."

"Sometimes Dad." Polly flicked away a tear. "You say good shit."

"True, its rare, but never wrong."

Polly ran her hands over her bulging stomach. As impatient as she was, technically she still had two weeks to go and they were going to be the longest two weeks of not only her life but Sam's too. Everyone was impatient. "Where's Mom?"

"Gone to the shops. Apparently she is buying half the bloody shop because she is not sure what you will want to eat, seeing as you are a little bi-polar at the minute."

"I am not bi-polar."

"It's okay Sweet Pea, your Mom was stark raving mad too and as horny as a goat." He held up his hand to stop Polly's smart-ass reply. "I do not need to know those details, thank you very much. I very much like to think that this was a once and done scenario." Polly smirked but said nothing and Adam rolled his eyes. Yep, like mother like daughter apparently.

He closed the lid on the grill as he heard Kim's car pull in and went to help with the shopping. Polly loved this about them, how they just had this groove. She knew it wasn't easy, maintaining a marriage for thirty years but they made it seem like a walk in the park. Even when they were pissed with each other they just worked.

Kim left Adam to whinge about the amount of shopping she'd bought so she could talk to her baby. Polly just got used to her Mom's hands constantly on her belly. She didn't mind her family or Sam's family touching her and she loved it when Sam talked to the baby which he made sure he did everyday but complete strangers, she was over that shit and Sam hated it.

"It's lower today." Kim ran her hands over the odd shaped bump under Polly's ribs; it either had a foot or its butt sticking out at the moment. "Locked and loaded."

"Apparently so and it's so uncomfortable. I thought pregnancy was supposed to be beautiful. Everyone raves about it; I can't say I love it, not this bit anyway. I loved it about two months ago but now, not so much." She scratched at her stomach. "It's so bloody itchy."

"I bet Sam loves it. Your Dad did."

"He does. He kinda hates how shit I feel and he's so jumpy. Every time I move he's all over me like a rash."

"Good." Adam heard the tail end of the conversation as he bought Kim out a wine and handed Polly a glass of water with some lemon in it. He had rolled his eyes the first time she'd asked for it and complained that he felt girly slicing lemon for a drink but since then he did it without asking. "Wait, unless that means that like he's really all over you?"

"No I don't mean that."

"It's good then that he's looking after you. I don't want to have to kick his ass right now."

"I will though if he keeps going, I'll be raising this one as a single mother because I will kill him."

Adam actually clapped his hands with joy. "I can help you get rid of the body and then you can move back in here and I will get to spoil the shit out of Adamaris."

Polly rolled her eyes at her mother as Kim laughed. "He's still with this shit?"

"He is. He's hung onto that name for thirty years. He is sadly desperate and somewhat pathetic."

Trying to pretend you were annoyed was a feat that Adam had yet to master. How could you not love this stuff? He grew up with parents that would be at each other's throats by now so the fact they all sat around and enjoyed each other's company was something Adam had always loved and strived to achieve. "You know this grill here is not a sound proof bubble. I can hear you."

Before either of them could answer they heard the back door slamming. "Ah, the incubator is here." Gus kissed his Mom before bending down and poking his sister in the stomach. "How is the Little Zookeeper?"

Polly swatted his hand away. "Not moving right now, so don't wake it." Gus ignored her and poked her again before laying his hands on her stomach and waiting for the kick. "Thank you very fucking much asshole." She spat out through gritted teeth when the baby suddenly kicked her right up under the ribs.

Kim warned him not to annoy his sister but he just gave her his usual lopsided Ruzek grin and ignored her while he continued to poke the baby and wait for it to move. "You are going to punch the shit out of Sam aren't you? I heard it get's nasty."

"I actually think your Mom tried to rip my manhood from my body." Adam added unhelpfully. "Where is Sam anyway?"

"Working. He'll be here soon."

"Or not, he's probably not working but just told you he was to get some peace and quiet." Gus finally leapt up once he had felt enough of the baby moving.

"Fuck off Angus."

Kim sighed. "I know this is completely pointless but can we please just try to not swear like you are in the locker room at work. I don't want my Grandbaby corrupted like you two are."

"Too late Darlin', Pol has the worse mouth of all of us. She's like a sewer rat. And if my memory serves me correct you were using fuck like a comma when Polly was born, no wonder it was her first word." Kim scoffed at him as Adam checked his meat again. He would obsess over his barbecue and drive everyone mad. They had to sit outside so he could talk to them because he couldn't leave his pride and joy. "Speaking of the Zookeeper, how's the leopard?"

"She's good, the Mom finally accepted her and she's back with the litter and feeding well. I miss her." Polly still shook her head at the absurdity of their life. She had no idea what she signed up for with Sam but she was sure this wasn't it, but what could she do, she was in love with a Zookeeper that meant their home often felt like a zoo.

Polly had been a little bemused when Sam came home with a five-day-old leopard cub. "What the hell is that?" She peered into the cage and all she could see was its nose and tightly closed eyes. He never told her when he was bringing something home and the first time Polly had freaked out but now she just shrugged and got used to helping him out.

"She's a leopard and her Mom doesn't love her yet, so we need too." He grabbed her out of her cage and Polly was in love. She was tiny, mewling away and clawing her way up to Sam's neck and tried to suck on his earlobe. "She doesn't have a name yet. We'll do a competition at work when they are a bit older. So we can call her practice."

"Practice?" It amused Polly no end Sam's dedication to his job. At some point in their whole backyard was going to be a home for wayward wild animals.

"It's our practice baby."

"Really?" The first thing Polly did was look up a Swahili words so she could have a proper name and ended up with Mazoezi, which did actually mean practice and they called her Maz.

It wasn't so bad now that they had moved into their house but he had started bringing them home when they lived in their apartment and considering the apartment had a no pets policy the owner was quite shocked and surprisingly happy for them to have the occasional wild animal staying with them. He thought it was kinda cool. It was generally only overnight as Sam would take them back each day but they had had a meerkat who had broken a leg and needed to be cared for constantly, a turtle with a fungal infection, a hornbill, a random duck for what reason Polly didn't know, a kangaroo for a weekend and now a leopard cub. She did wonder if one day she was going to come home to an elephant or giraffe in her backyard.

The Leopard's mother had rejected it because it was a bit of runt and it was getting weaker because she couldn't fight off her brothers and sisters to suckle so Sam was hand rearing it for a few days to get it's strength back and hopefully the mom would take her back. He had to set the alarm for every three hours and get up to feed the cub, if he could have had it in the bed with them he would have and it had attached itself to Polly. Being eight months pregnant herself she was all belly and boobs and surging hormones and adopting an abandoned leopard made perfect sense to Polly and Sam was intrigued watching them together and their innate bond.

Telling her Dad that they wouldn't be over for dinner because they couldn't leave their leopard at home alone would have made Adam think she was nuts a few months ago but now he just laughed. Polly was literally hopping from foot to foot waiting for Sam to get home each day so she could cuddle up with the cub. He had warned her not to fall in love with it but it was pointless, Polly was besotted from the very first moment.

Sam was fascinated by the way the little leopard responded to Polly and put it down to her surging pregnancy hormones, whether she could smell them or feel them he wasn't sure but it would make an interesting study. She would quieten down as soon as Polly picked her up and one of Sam's favourite moments of their two weeks with her was when the little cub was sleeping on Polly's belly. It was the cutest sight and he took a gazillion photos and when the baby obviously moved suddenly the cub startled and slid off but it loved sleeping there and Polly spent most evenings with a leopard cub balanced on her stomach or snuggling into her ample cleavage and would lick her skin trying to find something to suck on. He did cheekily suggest that Polly give her a nipple to suck on but soon learnt that was a bridge too far when she pelted him with a handful of almonds she was eating.

Sam's theory was that the cub probably was attached to the sound of the baby's heartbeat and it made it feel like it was still with his siblings. By the end of the two weeks Polly was in tears as it went back to its mother. Sam bought her a stuffed leopard from the gift shop to replace her little one and it was sitting in the nursery waiting for their own baby but he still had to send her a photo or video every day of the little cub with her Mom and siblings and she insisted that she retain the name Mazoezi.

"What's he bringing home next?"

"Who knows, he's like bloody Noah, he'd have every one of them living in our yard given half the chance." Polly pushed herself up out of the chair, a feat in itself at the moment. "As long as it's not a snake I think we'll be fine."

"Aww, think how cute it would be to have a snake curled up in the crib with the baby?" Gus teased her. They all knew of Polly's absolute hatred for snakes and she'd be mortified if Sam told her that he wanted to move onto Reptiles. She was having none of that.

Polly shuddered and held up her hand. "Don't even go there. He knows he brings one of them home I move out."

Sam's hand crept out from under the quilt and he fumbled around for his phone. The alarm was annoying him. They'd had a pretty disrupted night, Polly had to get up four times and by the fourth time she had given up trying to not wake Sam and levered herself out of bed cursing and swearing. "You needed to fucking get out." She muttered as she waddled to the bathroom.

He reached across instinctively knowing that Polly wasn't there and she'd obviously had been up a while because the sheets were stone cold.

"Hey, rough night." He found her in the kitchen cooking breakfast for him and he did not even bat an eyelid that she was wearing a pair of his boxers and a plaid shirt that wasn't even done up properly. Lately she'd spent far too much time in his clothes because they were comfortable apparently and it was his fault she was in this state in the first place. "Just how I like you, barefoot and pregnant." Polly ignored him completely as she stared out the window. "You okay?"

She jumped a little when Sam rested his hand on her back; she had zoned out and hadn't heard him come in. "Do you have to go to work today?"

"Yes. Why?"

"I feel strange Sam."

"Strange how?"

"I don't know. Like I have all this pressure down here." She ran her hands low under her stomach. "And my back aches, like all the time. I can't lie down."

"Do you think you are in labour?" He laid his hand over hers and he was surprisingly calm. Polly was known to escalate things quickly and Sam had always been the steadying influence she needed. Now was not the time to lose his shit, there was plenty of time for that.

"I rang the hospital and they said it could be but it's early so they can't say. I just don't want to be alone in case I am." She rambled a little and Sam could feel her panic rising. "You can go and I'll call you if I need too or I can call…."

"I'll call work and tell them I am not coming in." He didn't let her finish and rubbed her back as she rested her head on his shoulder. "You should have woken me up?"

"You were tired, I kept waking you up all night and you worked all weekend." Polly leant back against him and snaked her hand up around his neck and Sam noticed that she was rocking slightly. Polly wasn't sure if she was in labour or at least she wasn't ready to admit it but Sam was pretty sure things had started. He was used to watching his animals for changes in behaviour and humans were no different, instinctively Polly was changing her behaviour getting ready to have her baby.

"Ah, you are the sweetest, but Baby this is something you need to wake me for."

They spent the day close to home and it wasn't long before they established that Polly was in labour. Early on they walked down to the park nearby to get some fresh air but once Polly felt that those aches in her back were getting worse they went home. Sam ran her a bath and she was able to relax for a while and when she got out she managed to sleep for an hour here and there. It was almost twelve hours at home before Sam took her into the hospital. They were in no rush to get to there, while they were not interested in a homebirth they did not want to have the birth become one big medical procedure either.

"This is shit." Polly complained. "I just want it over." The room was small and she suddenly felt like a caged animal and she stalked around the room constantly and they would occasionally walk up and down the hallway just to get out of those four walls and they encouraged her to have a shower to ease the pain. Most of it was centred on her lower back and Sam spent a lot of time massaging her back and holding hot packs over it. She would lean over the bed and Sam held her hips and rocked her gently until the contraction passed.

He only made one comment about how inappropriate that position seemed and copped a tirade of Ruzek 'charm'. Sam fortunately was a quick learner.

"I know."

"How do you fucking know?"

"Well you don't look like you are enjoying it." Sam knew it didn't really matter what he said because even saying I love you earned him a dressing down earlier but then the next time he said it she cried. If Sam was staying calm, Polly definitely wasn't.

"Boo fucking hoo to you. You are getting a vasectomy tomorrow."

"No I am not." He tried to keep a straight face and the midwife just smiled at him. This apparently was completely normal as they transitioned between the first stage and second stage of labour. They were now hurtling towards the business end and it was getting ugly for Polly.

"I'll fucking do it myself."

"No you will not."

She reached for him when another contraction came on. "This hurts Sam."

"I know Baby, but you are doing so well. I am in awe of you, you are incredible."

His ill-timed comment about this being nothing like his animals earned him a swift backhander. "Why the fuck would you say that, I am not some fucking animal."

"Okay Polly." The midwife did one more internal exam when Polly's contractions were almost endless and she wanted to push. "Next contraction this is about to get real."

"It feels pretty fucking real already."

They didn't expect it to take almost another hour, Polly was exhausted and Sam could see her starting to flag and give in. She asked for an epidural. "It's too late Polly." The midwife informed her and Polly burst into tears and asked Sam to doing something.

"You don't let your fucking animals suffer like this. You'd help them." She begged him. "I can't do this anymore, get it out. Cut the fucking thing out."

"Come on Baby, you are doing so well. We are nearly there, you get to hold your baby any minute now."

"I need to get up." Polly pushed everyone away and tried to climb off the bed. "I can't lie down."

Polly kept walking around the room, stopping and leaning against Sam every time she needed to push. When it started to come in never-ending waves Polly climbed back up on the bed.

"Okay Polly next one I want you to give it everything and let's meet your little one." The midwife showed Sam what to do, he had told Polly he wanted to deliver their baby and she had finally agreed. When he suddenly declared that he wanted to do it at their pre-natal booking appointment not only was the midwife stunned, Polly was too. He had never mentioned it before and she had immediately shut him down but they talked about it over the next few days and Polly came around.

It did seem a bit weird to her but Sam was used to seeing animals being born so stands to reason that he wanted to be at the action end of things but that wasn't the reason why. He had told Polly that he wanted the first hands the baby felt to be someone who loved them and it had made her cry, just the thought he'd put into it and the fact he wanted that for their child, that he wanted that moment because it was the best thing for their baby was beautiful.

Polly kept a tight grip on one of his hands until the very last minute and then the midwife took over helping Polly. "Almost there sweetheart." He encouraged her and her scream was deafening but by the end of it she had delivered a head and when the midwife told her to give one more small push in Sam's hands was his bloody, slightly blue looking newborn. They suctioned out the baby's mouth and the room was filled with a desperate gurgling wail. "Congratulations Mom and Dad, well done." Polly she fell back against the bed taking a deep breath and then locked eyes with Sam.

"It's a girl Sweetheart." Sam barely got the words out as he lifted her up and lay her on Polly's chest and she got to hold her baby for the first time while he smothered Polly with kisses.

"Good job both of you." They both had their hands on their baby girl. Polly dragged her eyes away from her daughter and looked at Sam and smiled and it was beautiful. "Congratulations Mom and Dad."

"Sam, look at her. It's our daughter." For the first few minutes of her life the only touch she felt was the hands that loved her the most and she was pretty vocal in her displeasure at her new environment before they reluctantly let her go and be checked out by the Paediatrician.

Sam followed the baby and watched in awe as she squirmed and squawked as they poked and prodded her before wrapping her up and handing her back to her Dad. "Is she okay?" Polly was watching them and felt tears well up in her eyes when she saw the look on Sam's, he was completely in love with her.

"Oh Pol, she's perfect. So perfect." He laid her in Polly's arms and climbed up onto the bed beside them and rested one hand on his daughter.

"I love her so much Sam." Polly rested her head on Sam's shoulder and they just stared at their girl. "I can't believe she's here, like I can't believe she was inside me and we did this and now she's here."

"You did good Baby."

The midwife interrupted them and suggested that they should try and see if she was interested in feeding. "Even if it's just for a minute, let's see how she goes."

Sam jumped off the bed and the midwife talked them through how to get her on the breast. They unwrapped her and put the naked baby on Polly's bare chest and let her root around and she was smacking her lips against her skin and grunting as she grasped at Polly's skin until she attached to her breast and Sam loved the look of wonder on Polly's face when she started sucking, it was amazing to watch it unfold. He had always loved this moment when his animals were born, it was such a relief to see a new baby trying to suckle but seeing his daughter having her first feed from Polly was beautiful and when she finally latched on properly Polly looked up at Sam and saw his tears. He looked so unbelievably overwhelmed.

They had wanted minimal intervention from the medical staff and fortunately had a midwife and obstetrician who were happy to allow them to do it their way. Apart from when she had to be checked over they had left Polly and Sam to do all the work. From Sam delivering the baby, to delayed cord clamping and letting her find her own way to the breast they were happy with letting nature take it's course. Giving birth wasn't a medical procedure; it was human nature and they trusted themselves and their baby to instinctively know what to do and so far she was doing great. Both of them were.

"You are a star." He kissed her forehead and stroked the tiny little foot that was poking out of the blanket that was draped over them. "Both of you are so perfect. I love you Pol, so so much."

Once she had tried to feed a little, which surprisingly she seemed to do okay they got Polly up and into the shower while Sam cuddled his daughter. He unwrapped her and checked out every inch of her, her perfect hands balled tightly into fists and precious little feet and he loved the way her legs curled up when he stroked her foot. She had dark hair and tiny little ears and a cute little nose. He was watching her intently, trying to memorise this moment and he loved the fact that only he and Polly knew about her and he didn't want to share her with anyone. Suddenly he understood why Adam was so protective of Polly, it was innate and it was a powerful feeling he had no intention of fighting. His whole world was in this room and that was all that mattered.

The midwife encouraged Sam to unbutton his shirt and they lay the newborn on his chest and covered them both with a blanket. It was a little surreal, he saw how rough mothers were with their babies in his animal world, picking them up by the scruff of their necks and he knew she was tough but he thought she was made of glass and was scared of hurting her and every time she let out a squawk he panicked a little. Her small dark head rested just below his shoulder and he felt her hands relax and try and grip his skin. He stroked her hair with his thumb and felt overwhelmed. Polly stood and watched him for a few moments and he was blissfully unaware he was being watched.

"You look content."

"You have no idea." Sam dragged his eyes away from his daughter. "You have no idea." He repeated. "You did this, you made me content, you make me happy and this feels so surreal."

"She's feels so right though doesn't she?"

"You don't know how happy I am we fucked up."

Polly stood beside him, Sam offered her the baby back but she shook her head. Watching Sam adore her was perfect. "Sam, I'm glad you got the daughter you wanted."

He looked up suddenly. "No, sweetheart, I'm just glad we got the healthy baby we both wanted." Sam returned his gaze to his daughter. "Welcome to your family little one, you've got no idea how loved you are. You just wait until everyone else meets you, they'll love you too."

Polly stroked her hand as it lay on Sam's chest. "Do you still want to name her Charlotte?"

"Yes."

 _Charlotte Abigail Ruzek Hollister_.

They had always known if she was a girl that they would give her Abigail as a middle name. Abbey had challenged them from the beginning; she pulled them apart and bought them closer. It was Abbey, or at the very least the memory of her that bought them crashing back into each other's world again so it seemed fitting that their daughter would always carry her legacy.


	29. Unicorns

"Wake up Adam." Kim was suddenly punching him and screeching as she grabbed her phone. It had been a long time, thankfully since he had been woken up like this and in the past it was usually because one of the kids was spewing or it was a call to pick up Gus from his latest misdemeanour. This morning it wasn't vomit, it was a face-time call from Polly and as it was barely 6am Kim nearly dropped the phone trying to answer it. Every time Polly or Sam called lately Kim almost had a conniption. It was amusing how jumpy she was and Adam hung shit on her constantly.

"What?" Adam sat bolt upright. "What's wrong?"

"It's Sam." She showed him the screen quickly before answering it and the squealing got louder when she saw them and Adam winced when Kim grabbed his arm, pinching his skin in the process.

"Hey sorry about the early morning wake up call but…" he had turned the phone around so that they could see Polly over his shoulder. It was the baby snuggled into her arms that set Kim off "…Polly wanted to say good morning."

"Oh my god." Kim's hands flew to her face as the tears just flowed unchecked and she was beside herself.

"Hi Mom and Dad." Sam zoomed in on the tiny sleeping baby safely tucked up in her mother's arms. "Say hi to your Granddaughter."

"I knew it." Adam wasn't that far behind Kim in the emotional stakes, who was momentarily speechless. "Didn't I tell you it was a girl?"

"She's beautiful. Are you both okay?" Kim managed to gather her thoughts first.

"Yes. I'm tired but she is great. She's had a go at feeding a few times and she seems to know what she is doing. I don't, I've got no idea."

"And, what's do we call our beautiful grand daughter?"

"Charlotte Abigail Ruzek Hollister."

"It's beautiful, she's beautiful. It's a beautiful name, oh I love her already." Kim was gushing and crying as she was squeezing the life out of Adam's arm.

"So do we. Sam is a little smitten. I think he's going to be worse than Dad when it comes to her bringing boys home."

"Not possible." Adam laughed. If Sam was going to be protective imagine what her Pops was going to be like, Al and Voight had nothing Adam in the grandfather stakes. "You look good Sweet Pea, you look happy."

"I am. I am glad she's here and safe and healthy and I am glad its over." They gave them all the details. She weighed in at 7lbs 8oz and she was 20.5 inches long.

"When did this all happen?"

"About two hours ago. She was born at 356am; I went into labour yesterday morning so it's been a long twenty-four hours. We just wanted to call you and Sam's parents then I am going to try and sleep for a bit. Can you come in soon, around lunchtime?" Polly also told them that she was going to let Gus know, Sam was happy to leave it up to his parents to tell his family but Polly and Gus were like two peas in a pod and she wanted to be the one to tell her brother.

"We will see you then, we can't wait and Polly, we love you and Sam and are so happy for you both. Kiss Charlotte for us." Kim was high as a kite while Adam just sat and smiled.

"I love you too. I can't wait for you to meet her, she's just perfect." Sam promised to send them some photos as soon as they had talked to his parents and they had taken plenty of them already.

"Oh my god Adam, she's beautiful. That's our granddaughter. Our beautiful girl gave us a granddaughter." His wife was a blubbering mess and Adam thought she had never looked more beautiful.

"She did." He hugged Kim to his chest. "We did good baby."

"We did hey?"

"You know what though?" Kim was barely paying any attention to him; she was on cloud nine. "I think you are hands down the hottest grandmother I have ever met."

"Trust you to try your luck." Kim tried to push his hands away but he was very persistent. He did think she was the hottest grandmother going around and he was going to show her. He had never got bored with having sex with his wife and felt that all the big moments in life needed to be celebrate with a screw.

"I am not just trying, I am the luckiest guy around and I am about to get even luckier."

"Grandparents don't have sex."

His hands were under the sheets. "Bullshit. These grandparents do. I want to celebrate."

Kim allowed him access to her neck and she squealed when he managed to get his hands under her tank top; her feeble attempt at protesting was over. "Most people celebrate with champagne."

"It's 6am, too early to drink and I promise we will have champagne later. I want to pop my cork right here though."

"You know, you are one hot Grandfather." Kim sighed as Adam started kissing his way down her chest.

Adam rolled on top of Kim pining her to the bed and she wrapped her legs around his waist. "It's a day of firsts. Imagine telling Charlotte that the first thing we did when she was born was celebrate with a screw."

"Shut up Adam." Kim sucked on his bottom lip. "Focus."

They reversed roles for the next phone call. "Hi Jolene. Sam's got something to show you." Polly turned the camera around and showed Sam cuddling Charlotte and waited for the scream. It took her just a second.

"You've had the baby? When? Oh my god."

"Where's Dad?"

Jolene screamed at her husband to come quickly and then again to hurry him up when it was obvious Sam wasn't going to give any details until they were both there. "Grandma and Grandpa we'd like you to meet Charlotte Abigail Ruzek Hollister." He waved her little hand at the screen.

"Oh, it's a girl. Oh she's beautiful. Everything went well? Is Polly ok? Details, I need details." Jolene, despite this being grandchild number three was over the moon. Sam was her baby and having him back had been all she had hoped for and now she was ecstatic that he was so happy and settled, coupled with the fact it was their first granddaughter Jolene was over the moon and Polly's tie to Chicago and her family was strong, so the likelihood that Sam would move away again kept diminishing. Little Charlotte Hollister had no idea the chaos she was creating; she was blissfully unaware as she slept in her Dad's arms and recovered from her long journey to get here.

"Slow down Mom. They are both great. They are perfect." Polly was still holding the phone but sat up next to Sam so she could see his parents. "7lb 8oz of pure beauty. Right now she is two hours old and she's stolen our hearts completely."

"I can't wait to meet her."

"Polly's just about to have a sleep. We've been up all night, so after lunch yeah?" Holding the family back was going to be like trying to hold back the tide and he couldn't blame them, he wanted to share her with the world too because she was perfect.

"Of course. Get some rest Polly. Congratulations and thank you."

"Thank you? For what?"

"For Charlotte, she's perfect."

Polly called Gus quickly. They wanted to get this over and done with so Polly could have a rest. Charlotte had just been fed again and was just drifting off the sleep in her father's arms. "This better be good Pol, I got home an hour ago. I've been up all night." He grumbled sleepily.

"So have I and I think it's good. Would you be terribly disappointed if I told you you had a niece?"

"Don't tease me Pol. It's 630am."

"I can send you a photo. We think she's beautiful."

That woke him up. "Are you shitting me? You've had the baby? I have a niece?"

"I did, a couple of hours ago. You do, you are now officially Uncle Gus."

"Wow." He was a bit blown away and a surprisingly emotional. He didn't expect to be so affected by it. His sister having a baby was all a bit surreal. "And you are both good?"

"We are."

"Is she nameless?"

"Charlotte Abigail."

They got a couple of hours sleep but even that was a challenge because they just wanted to sit and stare at Charlotte. The constant coming and going of the midwives to check on them both was a little over the top but Sam was delighted that they both kept getting a clean bill of health. Even the visit by the Paediatrician was welcomed once he declared her a perfectly healthy newborn and that they were welcome to take her home later that day if they felt ready.

Sam was completely smitten and kept thanking Polly for his daughter. "You made her too. I didn't do this by myself."

"Nah, but you did all the hard work." He was completely in awe of Polly and what she went through; it was brutal. He could tell how tired she was right now and they'd only had about two hours sleep but Polly was desperate for their families to meet Charlotte.

"I want another one."

"Not right now I hope?"

"No, but I don't want you to get a vasectomy."

Like he was seriously going to consider doing that? No way in hell was he getting anything snipped just yet. They so weren't done with one; he'd have a whole tribe with this woman. "I wasn't going too."

"I was a little insane wasn't I?" Polly couldn't remember a lot about what she'd said but she knew that it was probably ugly. She had a mouth on her like a sewer some days and in stressful situations she always let rip. Giving birth was the hardest thing she'd ever done and the most stressful but the moment Charlotte was in her arms it was extraordinary.

"Can't say I blame you, that was rough Baby. I didn't like it."

"What?"

"Seeing you in so much pain, it's not a pleasant thing to watch and I couldn't do anything to help you and watching her come out of you, while I am so glad that I did it, I wouldn't swap that moment for the world but it wasn't beautiful to watch. I think I have PTSD."

"Make you think twice about not bothering with the condom?"

"Nope. We chose perfect time because that little swimmer that held all this DNA was one in a million. I mean look at her, that right there is perfection." He pointed to Charlotte who was currently attempting to feed. "My daughter is like seriously the cutest baby in the world. We nailed this baby thing."

How Adam managed to keep Kim away from the hospital until lunchtime was a miracle in its self. It also cost him a small fortune because if she couldn't see her grand daughter yet then by god she was going to shop for her. Polly and Sam's refusal to find out what they were having had left Kim frustrated despite not knowing what her two babies were. Now she had all this stuff she needed to buy and apparently that needed to start today.

"You do remember how quickly they grow don't you? She's not going to need all this shit." He moaned as Kim held up yet another 'cute' dress for his opinion. Although his opinion wasn't really required, he was meant to just agree. On the odd occasion he would categorically state that his grand daughter was not wearing that 'shit' and Kim always put it back. She honestly just did it to make sure he was paying attention and not 'zoning' out, as was his want to do.

"Shut up Adam."

The only thing that could end this torture was the message from Polly telling them that they were awake and waiting for them to come in. Kim reefed the pile of clothes from his arms, slammed them on the counter and demanded that he get this card out to pay for them.

"Slow down." He tried to grab her hand as she almost sprinted from the car to the hospital. He'd barely stopped the car before she was trying to climb out. "God Kim, rein it in."

"Phooey to you. Don't you want to see them? Don't you want to meet Charlotte?"

"Yes, yes I do. I would like you in one piece though."

It was agony waiting to get her hands on Charlotte as Polly was feeding her when they arrived. "Hey folks. Come in." Polly beckoned them. Adam baulked a little when he peered at her, he really had no interest in seeing his daughter's breasts so he had a quick look and then joined Sam sitting in the two chairs by the window. Kim was in there up to her armpits though as he expected. "Oh she is so precious. She looks like Sam."

"Well that's disappointing." Adam moaned. "Means we can't steal her and pretend she's ours."

"No.." Sam chuckled and he looked at Adam. "…but I get it." Adam just nodded at him, he understood.

"I told you Polly that you could only date Sam if he was cute because I wanted beautiful grandchildren. I hope you haven't let me down?" It had been a long running joke between the two of them and Adam weighed in constantly on Polly's boyfriends and his opinion on whether they would produce the desired result.

Adam was not surprised when Kim burst into tears as Polly handed her Charlotte for the first time. "Oh my god, she's so tiny. I forgot how tiny they are." He thought Kim looked beautiful, she was so happy and he always thought she was a perfect Mom and now seeing her as a grandmother was surreal but just made his heart swell, he honestly didn't think he could love her anymore but it seems that he could and that made him feel good. Adam patted his knee as Kim bought her over to him and she sat so he could wrap one arm around her waist and stroked his grand daughters hand softly.

"You did good Sweet Pea." They were completely besotted. "She is beautiful." It was like Polly and Sam no longer existed as Kim and Adam just fell head over heels in love with their granddaughter. Sam took some photos of them and Kim reluctantly gave her to Adam for a cuddle. She was so small in his arms and Polly actually cried when she saw the tears in her Dad's eyes.

"You know, Sam delivered her."

"Fuck Man, how the hell did you do that?" Adam physically cringed. "And why?"

"Closed my eyes for most of it." He laughed. "But seriously it was pretty awesome and we like that the first touch she felt wasn't that of a stranger. That made it worth it." Adam was still cringing but of course Kim thought that was beautiful and she cried, but she'd been in tears most of the day so that wasn't anything new.

Before long Adam had her stretched out on his thighs and had unwrapped her to 'check her out' and Sam was right beside him leaving Polly and Kim to watch on. All along they had both declared that this was going to be a girl and now they had her it was pure heaven for Polly to watch her two favourite men with her little girl.

"Oh my god." He bent down and whispered quietly to his newborn granddaughter. "You are flawless. I'm in love with you. If your Mom and Dad tell you you can't have a unicorn, you tell me and I'll get you your unicorn. You and me Baby Girl, you and me."

Charlotte let out a sudden squawk as Adam was wrapping her back up. "Hey now Darlin' none of that for Pops." He cooed. It reminded Kim of how precious he was with their two babies. Over time she had forgotten how gentle he was, how meticulous he was with them and how much he adored this time. At each stage in their lives he was such a good Dad, he didn't always get it right and he was the first to admit that but he tried and if Sam was half as good her grand daughter was one lucky little lady.

They felt even more obsolete when Sam's parents turned up and all four of them were huddling around the little baby girl and commenting on her perfection. Sam sat up next to Polly, slipped an arm around her shoulder as they watched Charlotte's grandparents fall in love with her as much as they had. "Oh she's so beautiful, so beautiful. She's like a cherub." Jolene gushed. She adored her grandsons but Charlotte was a whole other kettle of fish. Phil was quiet but when he held her and he was smitten.

Sam had gone home briefly to fit the car seat, although they were staying overnight when Gus and Olivia came in to see them. Gus would have come earlier but Olivia was desperate to see the baby as well so he waited until he could pick her up from work. "What are you doing to my niece?" He pushed open the door and barged in and found Polly sitting on the bed with Charlotte stretched out in front of her screaming her lungs out as Polly was trying to change her diaper.

"Maybe she's shy and doesn't want to show off her girly bits." Charlotte was thrashing her legs about jerkily as Polly was endeavouring to get her dressed again.

"And long may that continue." He leant on the bed and gingerly reached out and touched her hand. "Pity you didn't keep yours to yourself."

"Well they are trashed now I can tell you." Polly grimaced a little. She was yet to be convinced that it would ever feel the same again and swore that it was not made for that purpose. "Poor Sam."

"Poor me what?" He came through the door at that precise moment. "What am I feeling poorly about?"

"That Charlotte trashed Pol's girly bits." Gus was quick off the mark in true Ruzek fashion. He didn't just look like his Dad, he was his Dad re-incarnated.

"Fuck you two are insane. That's what you are talking about?" He turned to Olivia and laughed as he greeted Polly with a kiss followed by his daughter. "Get out now, I'm trapped but you can save yourself."

Polly managed to wrangle Charlotte into some clothes and wrapped her up and handed her to her brother. "There you go Uncle Gus." Olivia perched up next to him and stroked the little girls fingers, smiling as the curled and uncurled them with each of her strokes.

"Well done Sis. I think I am in love." Gus was a little besotted.

"I want one." Olivia suddenly declared and Gus looked like he had swallowed a bug. "Maybe we can steal her."

"You want one, make your own." Sam was oblivious to Gus's slight freak-out but Polly saw it. "It's pretty easy, the making part that is and not to mention fun."

Gus just chose to ignore Olivia's announcement. He was freaked out enough at the thought of being an Uncle, he was so far from ready to be a Dad it wasn't funny. Polly actually felt a little sorry for Olivia, Gus had one foot out the door, and she'd noticed all the signs lately so this may have been the final nail in the coffin. What better way to scare off a man-whore like her brother than declaring you want a baby? She sighed; it was a pity because Polly really liked Olivia.

"Is it brutal?"

"It's fucking horrific man." Not quite the words Polly would have used but she had to admit she wasn't quite ready to declare it as a walk in the park either or a beautiful experience and Sam's graphic description of what it was like watching Charlotte come into the world did seem a little horrifying. Life changing yes, but hardly beautiful. "And you were right, she did abuse me, quite a lot really."

"You know how Mom reckons Dad said dumb shit when she had us, Sam said dumb shit."

"There is not a lot else you can do, so you fill the awkward silences with stuff. You know 'how's the weather' just doesn't cut it in these situations. But, bloody hell Gus this is spectacular. He pointed to Charlotte who was still tightly wrapped up in her Uncle's arms and didn't look like she was going anywhere anytime soon. "I mean look at her."


	30. Active

Kim's blood ran cold. "Hey Lieutenant" A uniformed officer stuck his head through her door. She had been reading reports all day and her head was pounding and she was in desperate need for a coffee. The idea that she'd missed being closer to the action had been intensified today as report after report piled up on the corner of her desk. "You hear?"

"Hear what?"

"Active shooter. Lincoln Park Zoo." He tapped on the doorframe lightly as he disappeared just as quickly as he came. "Thought you'd want to know."

She grabbed her laptop and bought up the police feed and the first thing that popped up was the active shooting situation. There was very little information coming through as she scanned the screen. Two people were reported dead, although that was unconfirmed and the shooter was still holed up inside the zoo. Active shooters sent her blood cold at the best of times, let alone when there was the potential that someone she loved was smack bang in the middle of it. Briefly she hoped that it was Sam's day off, but that was a one in a million shot, he'd had the past weekend off so he would be back there by now.

And they adored Sam, he had been good for Polly, both times he had been in her life and he doted on her and Lola but more than that he supported her and challenged her to achieve her dreams, and they couldn't have wished for better for their daughter. Polly would not cope, at all if something happened to Sam. Of that Kim had no doubt.

Charlotte, or Lola as they called her was a lucky girl. They were learning on the fly and she was thriving. Polly was struggling a little with being a new mom but Sam was in it with her.

As Kim reached for her phone it flashed with Adam's number. "Adam." Her cry was a little desperate.

"I am on my way there, Halstead's running point. Have you called Polly? Or Sam? Do you know if he's working today?" She didn't know how he was doing it, that voice coming down the line was Sgt Ruzek, not Polly's father.

"No, I just found out. I think Sam is a t work." Kim could barely speak, she had a million things running through her head and none of them were good. "Adam…."

"I know baby, just call them please."

Kim tried Polly first and her heart just about stopped when she answered and was already in tears. Kim thought that Polly must have heard about the shooter and was quite rightly utterly freaked out about Sam. "Polly, just breath sweetheart."

"Mom, I'm at the zoo." She whispered and Kim's heart was in her throat. "Lola and I came to meet Sam for lunch. We are in his office, waiting for him."

That knocked Kim on her ass but she took just a second to let her cop brain kick in because her Mom brain was a mess, she gasped for air and her lungs felt like they were on fire. Is this was being asthmatic was like because suddenly she struggled to breathe. "Okay, just lock the door. Find somewhere to hide. Can you hear anyone outside?"

"No. Where's Sam? Sam's not here, he was giving a talk and we were waiting for him in his office because it was cold and Lola needs a feed soon and hasn't come back." It was going to take all of Kim's expertise to talk her off this ledge.

"Have you heard from him, called him? "

"I did, his phone is on his desk. It's going nuts."

"Is it on silent? Turn it to silent? Does it say anything?"

"No, just a few messages asking him if he is okay?" Polly choked on a sob. "Where's Sam?"

"Sweetheart. Listen to me. CPD are all over it, Jay's working on it and your Dad is on his way. Find somewhere to hide; make sure the door is locked and don't open it."

"What if Lola cries?" Polly was hyperventilating. Kim and Adam were trained at this stuff but they always knew that Polly never had the guts for this type of job. They doubted she would even take a second look at a cop as a boyfriend; she'd never dated a cop even when she had the chance because she couldn't cope with the danger of the job. It was bad enough dealing with her Dad and Gus being in the firing line and she was the only one excited when her Mom took the job in Ivory Tower because she was safer there. "I need to get out of here."

"Polly listen to me. No, you need to stay put." Kim was very direct with her. "Stay in Sam's office. Stay away from the windows, hide behind the desk, and make sure your phone is on silent I am going to put you on hold and call your Dad and then I will be back, text me if anything changes, even just send one letter, if anything changes or you hear someone coming okay?" Kim waited for Polly to acknowledge that she had understood. "If Charlotte starts to cry, feed her. I will talk to Dad and he'll get to you."

"No, he needs to find Sam."

"We will. Let me talk to Dad, stay on the line, don't hang up."

Kim called Adam as soon as she put Polly on mute; there was no way she was hanging up on her. "Adam, Polly's there, Polly and Lola went to meet Sam for lunch. She's still there, in his office."

"Fuck." He screamed. "Where's Sam?"

"He's not with them. She said he was giving a talk and she was waiting for him. He didn't come back and he left his phone on his desk so she can't call him. She's alone and scared."

"Fuck, Fuck Fuck." She could hear him slamming his hand into the steering wheel. "Keep her on the phone." It was hard to stay in cop mode, this wasn't even his gig but he'd already called Halstead who was running point and told him he was on his way. These type of cases always were managed by SWAT and Halstead had been running the Active Shooter team for close to five years now. It was a sad indictment on society when CPD not only needed an Active Shooter team but more the fact that they didn't sit around twiddling their thumbs for months on end either.

When Halstead tried to argue that he needed to stay out of it and let him do his job Adam reminded him that his son-in-law was there at that zoo. Now Kim tells him that his daughter and granddaughter where also there, no fucking way he was staying out of it now. Intelligence may not have needed to be there but there was not a snowflakes chance in hell Adam was stepping back.

"Adam, you need to help her."

"I will Baby."

"Halstead." Adam sprinted towards his former boss and one of his closest buddies. They had stayed close over the years, both professionally and personally. Jay had groomed Adam to take over Intelligence when he started to feel like he needed to spread his wings a little. "Jay, What's going on?"

"Still active." Jay didn't even bother to look at Adam; he was focussed on the task at hand.

"Man, Polly's in there, with Charlotte."

"What?" That got Jay's attention. "Where? You've talked to her?"

"Kim has, Kim has her on the phone. She's in Sam's office, Sam's not with her. He's somewhere in the Zoo and man Polly is freaking out." They grabbed the map of the zoo and called over the Zoo Staff and asked them to point out where Sam's office would be.

As soon as she hung up from Adam Kim hauled in a patrol officer to take her to the scene, all the while she talked to Polly and relayed whatever she needed to relay to Jay and Adam via radio. She gave them some idea of where Sam might be, he was about to give a talk near the Lion enclosure and that gave them a starting point.

Adam heard Kim calling his name and swung around to see her sprinting towards him. He grabbed her phone from her hand as he pulled her close. It was a very rare show of affection between Adam and Kim on the job, it was a pact that made early on in their careers to keep obvious signs of their relationship out of the workplace. Everyone knew they were married, that wasn't a secret but PDA's were few and far between, sneaky hook-ups in Adam's office late at night, well that was something else. "Sweet Pea, it's Dad."

"Have you found Sam?"

"Not yet Baby. I will. Are you okay? Is Lola okay?"

"She's sleeping."

"Good Girl. Sit tight Baby. I'm going to come and get you." He had to hand the phone back to Kim because Polly's crying was distracting him.

"Dad." Gus was being held on the tape, standing guard and just outside the control zone and Adam bought him through. "Is Sam okay?"

"We don't know yet. Bud, Polly and Lola are inside, they came in to have lunch with Sam."

"What? Then what the fuck are you doing out here?" No one ever accused Gus of not being a carbon copy of his old man. He was hot-headed and not afraid of getting his feet wet or his hands dirty, he was fearless and that worried his mother. Adam recognised himself in young Gus and while it concerned him, he also knew he couldn't tell him to rein it in because he didn't listen when he was a freshly minted cop so why should Gus. He had to figure it out himself. Adam did keep an eye on Gus though and would occasionally talk to his Sgt to check in and make sure he was keeping his nose clean. He wasn't going to let him blow up his career for fear of overstepping the mark.

Adam held up his hand. "Hold up. Trust me, I want to go in there as much as you do. We are working out a plan."

"I'm coming with you."

"No, you are not." Adam thrust his hand out and pushed Gus out of his face. "Step back."

"You can't stop me."

Adam looked like he was about to explode and Kim knew better than to try and step in. If Gus didn't recognise that he was not talking to his father but another higher-ranking cop then he was about to learn a tough lesson. "As a superior officer I can, as can a Lieutenant." He pointed at his mother. "Also Halstead is not going to let a rookie cop go into an active shooter situation. So I suggest you just back up and stay with your Mom or you can get back out there on the line."

When Gus went to argue Adam snapped. "Step back Officer Ruzek." Adam needed to take control. The way he spoke to Gus was probably a little harsh and it was hardly a conversation between father and son but a direct order from a Superior. There was no way was he going in with his son who had never been in this situation before nor had he really been tested when it involved a family member. Now wasn't the time throw him in the deep end to see how he coped. He'd barely been able to convince Jay that he needed to go in with SWAT there was no way he was going to ask to take Gus in with him.

"Mom, you can tell them I need to go in. I can help." This was precisely why Adam wasn't going to entertain letting Gus come with him. He was being a son and brother when he needed to be a cop.

"No, no way Angus." Kim rarely called him Angus anymore and he knew that his Mom meant business.

Gus took a step back. He knew that he'd be in deep shit if he disobeyed a direct order of a Superior Officer, as both his parents and Jay Halstead were. "Having Polly, Sam and Lola in there is more than enough. So either you stay here and follow orders or you can leave, I can't deal with you being a brother. Be a cop or leave." Gus was a little taken aback, this was a side of his parents he never imagined. He'd seen them on the job, but never quite like this.

Suddenly a burst of gunfire made everyone jump and instinctively they all squatted down a little and waited until it died down again. At least they could tell what kind of weapon they were dealing with although they had no idea how many weapons the shooter had. They did know, from witnesses who managed to escape that he was white, middle aged and as far as they knew he was alone and carrying a large bag over his back. They also couldn't say whether the victims were members of the public or zoo staff.

They had people working to identify the shooter but right now they had nothing to go on. White, middle aged didn't get you far and they were now focussing on people who may have had a beef with the zoo.

"Polly, are you okay?" Kim barked into the phone.

"Mom, where's Sam. I need Sam, I want to get out." It was heartbreaking listening to her desperation and tears and they tore at Kim's heart. "I need to get out."

"Polly. Just wait just wait. Please Baby. You are safer there, you need to stay and keep Lola safe." Kim's only hope of keeping Polly where she was seemed to be Lola. She had to make sure she understood that she needed to stay to keep Lola safe and that's the angle she worked, and she worked it hard.

Adam had waited long enough and told Halstead he was going. It was a tense few minutes between the two Sergeants with a lot of finger pointing and gesticulating. "How would you feel? That's my daughter in there and she's terrified. Her baby is a month old and they are both in there alone and scared. Tell me you wouldn't go in if it was your family?" Adam didn't yell but he was clearly pissed and very much teetering on the edge. "What if it was Bella, or Darcy or Cora or Angelique?" He rattled off the names of his granddaughters. "You wouldn't be standing around like a stale bottle of piss would you?"

"Get your fucking head in the game Ruzek." Halstead warned him and Adam took a deep steadying breath and nodded. When Jay was satisfied that Adam was right to go he rested a hand on his shoulder. "Right, keep your ear piece in, follow their lead." He pointed at the two Swat guys waiting nearby making it perfectly clear that they were in charge. "Don't be a fucking hero. Your job is to find Polly and that's it."

Halstead sent Adam in with two SWAT officers with instructions to head around to a side entrance and make their way slowly towards the area of the Zoo that contained the Offices. Adam promised that he wouldn't do anything stupid, that he just wanted to get to Polly and Lola. Gus watched him get geared up and move off. It was impressive watching his Dad work with Halstead and how years of working together made things seem easy. It made him all the more determined to work his way into Intelligence one day.

Kim decided not to tell Polly just yet that her Dad was coming, she had managed to calm her down a little and was worried that telling her that Adam was coming would make her panic and try and run towards him. Lola was starting to make a fuss and Kim urged Polly to put her on the breast which would hopefully calm them both down and it seemed to work. She kept her on the phone and just talked to her, asking her about Lola and reminding her that Sam was smart and that he'd talked about situations like this with her Dad and knew what to do.

The other thing they had to deal with was Sam's parents. Phil was calling Kim's phone constantly and had even tried Adam who just rejected the call. He couldn't deal with them right now, however shit he felt about doing it. He would be fucking furious if someone did that to him but Adam had to focus and it was a distraction.

He barked at Gus to call Sam's parents, tossing him his phone before he left. He wasn't taking his phone with him because it's constant buzzing was annoying him and he didn't want anything to interfere with his focus. Gus at least felt like he was doing something, as little as it was, although dealing with Sam's parents wasn't easy. Gus couldn't stop them from coming down but he did warn them that they wouldn't be able to get too close and they had set up a waiting area for family well away from the scene. "We will let you know as soon as we have some information. I will keep you up to date."

"We've tried calling Polly, is she okay? I can't get hold of her. Her phone is engaged." Phil wasn't satisfied. "We've called Sam and he's not answering."

"Look, Phil we are doing our best to figure it out. Mom is talking to Polly." Kim was shaking her head at Gus when she figured out that they were asking about Polly. They didn't need to make this worse than it was. "That's why you can't get hold of her."

"Is she okay?"

"Ah." Gus just shrugged at his Mom. "Polly and Lola are okay. Polly is panicking but she's doing okay."

When Adam indicated that they had made it to the office building Kim told her that he was just outside. "Dad's just outside and he's going to knock on your door sweetheart, let him in."

She heard the gentle tapping. "Polly, open up Sweet Pea." Polly literally threw herself at her Dad when she opened the door, he'd slung his gun over his back and Polly was a little horrified by the size of it, it wasn't his usual service weapon and the reality of the situation smacked her in the face. The two fully kitted out SWAT officers outside the door were also frightening. He grabbed her and pulled her down behind the desk again. "Are you both okay?" He ran his hands over her, he could see that she was safe, there was no blood and he knew that the building was untouched but he needed to check. Running his hand over Lola's head he leant down and kissed it briefly. "Hey Darlin' Pops is here now."

"Where's Sam?"

"We are trying to work it out now. Halstead is working on it." Polly could tell he was listening to things in his earpiece but told her not to worry about that and if they said anything about Sam he wouldn't hide it from her. It was a stupid thing to say because he certainly didn't want to be the one to tell her that things hadn't gone well, he would need Kim here for that. He just had to believe Sam was taking shelter somewhere safe.

"Dad, I need you to find Sam." She was barely in control. "Please, what if he's dead. We can't live without him. Lola needs her Daddy; I need him. It's my fault."

"It's not your fault Sweet Pea, we are doing our best. Jay is out there trying to fix this. We will find Sam for you."

Kim felt relief flood through her when Adam told her that he was with Polly and Lola and they were okay. She knew now that he would protect them but she still just wanted to hold her baby in her arms and until she saw her with her own eyes it wasn't good enough.

Adam almost knocked them over when another round of gunfire exploded outside and it was a lot closer than he liked. He covered them both with his body and Lola started wailing. He took off his vest and made Polly put it on, releasing the straps so that she could slip it around the baby too. He wanted to get them both out of here but the closeness of the gunfire stopped him momentarily. He knew they had SWAT just outside the door ready to protect him but he just wanted to get them away from this situation and then get on with finding Sam.

It was another fifteen minutes until they confirmed that the gunman had been eliminated. Polly had screamed when the gunfight broke out and then it went deathly quiet, she sat behind the desk wrapped up in her Dad's arms as she sobbed against his chest. Lola was fussy and he did his best to calm them both down. Halstead's voice was suddenly in his earpiece told him to sit tight and SWAT would escort them out the way Adam had come in. "Sweet Pea, it's time to go. Can you do that? Can you walk? You need to listen to me and stay close, I will protect you and Lola." He waited until she nodded against his chest. One of the SWAT team came in and talked to Polly about what was about to happen and she stared at him blankly. While they were pretty sure there was only one shooter they were still under lockdown conditions and Adam was more than happy to have someone cover his back while he shielded Polly and Lola. Taking her back out the way they came in, although further away from the main gate made sure that she didn't see any of the carnage that may or may not be visible in other parts of the zoo. Polly seeing any victim would have sent her well over the edge.

Kim and Gus were waiting for them at the gate and Polly bolted into her mother's arms, Kim was breaking cover and running towards them the moment she saw them and not a damn person was going to stop her. Lola was jammed against Polly's chest under Adam's vest and screaming blue murder. Kim hauled her behind the closest ambulance before she tore off Adam's vest and grabbed Lola as Polly's legs gave out and Gus caught her. Adam was two steps behind them and wrapped Kim and Lola up in his arms as Gus was trying to get Polly to at least sit on the back of the Ambo step before she collapsed.

Signalling to a uniformed officer Adam asked them to bring Jolene and Phil through the barricade. They had turned up and eventually figured out that Polly and Lola were caught up in the middle of it all. It was unfair to keep them away much longer, despite still not knowing where Sam was, Lola was their granddaughter too and they loved Polly and they could help manage Polly while he focussed on finding out what was happening with Sam.

"Where's Sam?" Polly pushed Gus away frantically. "You need to find Sam. Someone needs to find him."

"We will Polly." Her brother tried to hold her back.

"I will go find him myself." She shoved Gus hard in the chest and it wasn't until Kim stood in front of her with Lola that Polly stopped.

"Stay with your Baby, she needs you."

"She needs her Daddy." Phil caught her, with Gus's help as her legs gave out. "I need him. I need Sam."


	31. Bring Your Mom Too

They were still sleeping when Sam kissed them goodbye. Polly had been up an hour earlier feeding Lola and they were now both sound asleep.

He was proud of her, Polly worried that she wasn't a good Mom but he thought she was doing great. She was exhausted, Lola wasn't the greatest feeder right now but they were struggling on and Polly was determined to give it another few weeks before she gave up. Sam told her not to listen to the haters that kept forcing her to keep feeding and telling her horror stories about how bad formula was. It was making her feel guilty and Sam was more concerned about Polly's state of mind. She needed to think about how she was feeling and Lola and that was it. He had been formula fed and he turned out just fine but he would support her no matter what she chose, he really wanted Polly to enjoy being a mom.

When he got home each day he would take over for a bit and spend some time with his precious little girl. Polly would express some milk so that he could feed her and Adam had told him to get his hands dirty because it was over in a second and suddenly _'she's bringing boyfriends around who just want to pop her cherry and break furniture'_

Sam had gotten used to Adam's teasing and gave as good as he got most days. _'I popped her cherry long before I broke the bed.'_

Bathing Polly every night was one of his favourite memories of those early weeks when all she really need was milk, sleep and love and Adam loved that Sam was keen to be involved with Lola. She was getting plenty of love, no doubt about that.

Sam's Dad hadn't been a hands-on Dad, he loved his kids but he worked hard and by the time Sam came around he was well and truly over the young kid stage. He spent a lot of time with his older siblings but didn't get much attention from his Dad until he discovered that his youngest son loved animals as much as he did. While Phil was more into domestic animals he did have a fascination with the more exotic breeds and loved that Sam had chosen that path.

Sam often wondered if that was why he got into animals in the first place, just so that he could get some attention from his Dad. He did love animals and couldn't be happier with his career but he wished he had a closer relationship with his Dad when he was younger but they had worked on it lately and Sam loved being back and having his Dad knee deep in his career. Lola hopefully wasn't going to suffer the same fate. He was all in with her. He desperately wanted Lola to have the same relationship with her Dad as Polly had with Adam and it was up to him to make sure that happened.

Sam and Polly were so in love with their little girl and even on her bad days they wouldn't change a single thing. They were living in a bit of a bubble and everything revolved around Lola right now. He had to keep pinching himself to make sure this was all real. In a little over a year his whole world had been turned on its ear and he loved every minute of it.

He let them sleep, Polly mumbled something as he kissed her goodbye and he left her a note on the fridge, like he did most mornings if he didn't get to talk to her before he left. He had started it well before they even had Lola, sometimes they were sweet and sometimes it was a little raunchier. Today it was sweet. ' _My sleeping beauties, make sure you are still beautiful when I get home.'_

Polly didn't wake until Lola did and she tried to call Sam but he was obviously busy so she sent him a message. He smiled at the photo of Lola with _'Do you feel like having lunch with me?'_ scrawled across it

 _'Absolutely, bring your Mom too!'_

He was just about to start his keeper talk on the Lions when Polly and Lola arrived and a smile lit up his face as he greeted them, scooping Lola from Polly's arms and snuggling her into his neck. "Hey Sweetheart, you are toasty warm and smell delicious." He loved the smell of her, that newborn smell was addictive.

"How was your morning?" He walked Polly back to his office. It was a little cold out today and they didn't like keeping Lola out in it too long so they would wait for him there and he'd bring back some lunch once he was done with his talk.

"Good."

"She fed okay?" They actually had a good night and she had slept from just before midnight until a touch after five am and they hoped that Lola was finally turning the corner although it was too early to get excited. Usually she was awake around three am and then again between five and six, so dropping that three am feed was a nice surprise. One swallow did not a summer make, but if she could do it once, she could do it again…hopefully.

"So far so good. She hoed it down this morning, I thought she was going to rip a nipple off she was so hungry." She hadn't woken until almost nine and she was starving and impatient and Polly was a little surprised at the force at which she started sucking once she got the nipple in her mouth.

"My baby has an appetite or perhaps she really missed your boobs. I know I do."

"You need to learn to share." Polly took Lola back and settled down to wait for Sam to come back.

He never did.

Now Sam was regretting bringing them here. From the moment the first gun shot rang out and he saw the person fall he regretted letting them come and for leaving them. As the shooter swung around Sam ducked behind the large barricade and he knew that he had no way of getting back to Polly without exposing himself. He was motionless as he waited for whatever was next and tried to organise his thoughts.

Sadly he had talked to Adam about this. He was shocked not long after he started when he was told he needed to do mandatory training for an active shooter or hostage situation. It was a zoo, why would anyone target a zoo? Adam talked him through it, not only the protocol of the zoo but also what Adam would do in that situation and what CPD would do. He needed those details and right now he was frantically trying to recall them.

Glancing across the path he noticed that a woman and child were also crouched behind the barricade. He pressed his fingers to his lips indicating for them to stay quiet. The woman had her hand over the child's mouth to stop her screaming. From his position he could see the gunman turn away and he dashed out from his hiding position towards them.

"There is a door around the side." He whispered. "Head towards it. I've got access. We can take cover. Wait until I tell you to go."

When he was sure they had time he urged them up and let them in the door. He'd also spotted another two people cowering just the other side of the path and one of them was injured. It was an elderly man and a young girl whom he assumed was his granddaughter. Sam also beckoned them to come towards him.

Unfortunately the gunman obviously caught movement from the corner of his eye and ran towards them, Sam just managed to get them inside just as bullets sprayed the side of the building. He made the four of them follow him and he got access to the locked feed store and hid them all in there. He couldn't risk heading back out to see if anyone else was around. He knew at least one person was dead because they hadn't moved an inch since the first shots rang out and from his position behind the barricade he could see the spreading pool of blood.

"We just need to wait it out in here." He told them quietly. "CPD will be all over this by now."

"Are you sure we are safe? We could make a run for it?"

"No, safer to stay here." He hunted around for something to cover the leg wound of the injured girl. Her calf was bleeding but it didn't look too bad as he tied it off with a rag. "Let's just sit tight."

"No, we can't stay here. He'll find us."

"Listen." Sam snapped. "We are staying here until things have been resolved. CPD will find us when it's safe."

"They don't know we are here."

"They do, trust me. They will find us." He was worried it was going to escalate and everyone was going to panic and that's the last thing they needed in this isolated room and he had no idea how long they might be trapped in here. "Anyway, I'm Sam."

Everybody introduced themselves. Callie and Emma were mother and daughter and Eric had bought his granddaughter Josie to the zoo for the day. Sam could imagine his Dad bringing Lola to the zoo while Adam would have her in the district, like he used to do with Polly. Up until today he thought that the Zoo would be a safer option, now he wasn't so sure and that was a bitter pill to swallow.

"You know Emma." The girl looked terrified and backed away just a little bit as Sam talked to her. "I have a little baby girl."

"Yeah."

"She's just one month old. Her name is Charlotte but we call her Lola."

"I want a sister." She asked shyly. "Is she pretty?"

"I think she is beautiful. You know her Mom bought her to the zoo just a little while ago to meet me for lunch."

Callie gasped. "Oh God. You need to go find them? Are they okay?"

"I don't know Callie. I hope so, what I do know that is my in-laws are cops and they will know what to do." Sam tried to speak calmly; he was hoping that by showing Callie that they all wanted to be somewhere else he knew it was best to stay here. "That's how I also know that they will find us because Polly will make sure they keep looking until they find us and I know Polly knows what to do to keep Lola safe."

"How can you be so calm?"

"Because I need to be."

"How long have you worked here?" Eric was smart enough to try and change the subject because Callie wasn't able to think about anything else. She just kept going on and on about it and it wasn't helping the kids either. They were traumatised enough already; to keep talking about what was happening outside this room wasn't useful. Basically they had no idea what was going on and speculating and panicking was helpful.

Fortunately the room wasn't overly small, delivery of feed usually happened the day after tomorrow so they had a bit more room. It was cool but there were also a few rugs in the corner they could use. There was no water but it had a high window that let in some light and all the doors were controlled access so you needed a card to, one get into the building and two into this room. It also had the added benefit that all entries were recorded so if they had the wherewithal they would see that Sam had accessed this room after the shooting started.

"Just over a year. I was in Africa before this for a couple of years."

"I bet you wish you were back there now?"

"Not really."

"My wife is from Chicago. We were together a long time ago and met up again when I first came home. It's been a bit of a whirlwind to be honest but we wouldn't change a thing." It hadn't really been a surprise that he had started calling Polly his wife and although they had decided not to rush down the aisle it had played on his mind a little more since Charlotte had arrived. Now, at times like this he did wonder that if anything happened to either of them would they run into problems because legally they weren't married? He suddenly felt the need to tie the knot.

"Well except for this."

"Yeah well. This isn't great." He had to agree.

"Are you worried about them?"

"Out of my mind Eric, out of my mind."

It was quiet outside and they did wonder whether things had been sorted. But a round of gunfire soon put paid to that and just as Sam had managed to calm Callie down. Eric was doing well with his granddaughter and Emma surprised them by climbing into Sam's lap.

It was silent again. "Can you go check?" Callie asked Sam.

"No. Look Callie I know you want to get out of here, no more than anyone else. Believe me I want to get out of here and hold my baby girl." Sam spoke quietly but there was no mistaking his determination. "We will get out of here when it's safe for all of us."

The next round of gunfire was closer, more sustained and Callie screamed.

Adam crouched down in front of Polly. Kim was on one side of her holding her hand and Gus had Polly's head on his shoulder. It had been more than an hour since the situation was over and plenty of people had been bought out and the longer time dragged on the more Polly struggled to breathe as the death toll mounted. Currently they had six confirmed dead, including three Lincoln Park Zoo staff.

"Sweet Pea." He waited until she looked at him and the pain in her eyes was immense. "They have found Sam."


	32. Just Breathe

"Oh god." Polly buried her face in her hands; the feeling of dread was too much for her. She felt like she was going to vomit. "No. No. No."

"Sweetie, take a look." Adam grabbed her hands and pulled them away from her face and pointed to the main entrance just as Sam came out surrounded by SWAT. As soon as he saw Polly jump up he broke away from the group and sprinted towards her and Polly met him halfway.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Where's Lola?" Where the first questions out of his mouth as he caught Polly. She almost knocked him over with her intensity, even their kiss was full of fury and he never wanted to let her go, the not knowing that Polly and Lola were safe had felt like a crushing weight on his chest. "I'm sorry Polly."

"Lola is fine. She's with your Mom and Dad. Are you hurt? Oh my god you are hurt." she noticed the blood on his clothes and started to hyperventilate. "Sam are you hurt?"

"No Polly, I am fine. What about you? How did you get out?" He gave her the once over, running his hands over her arms and waist.

"Dad came in and got us."

Sam knew that Polly had been unhurt. It was the first thing he asked when SWAT had knocked on the door letting them know it was safe to come out. He reefed open the door and before they could get them out he asked. "Polly and Lola? My wife?"

"They are waiting to see you." The fully armed officer put his hand on Sam's shoulder. "Let's get you all out of here." Sam had asked him question after question on the way out but they had no answer. All they knew was that the other SWAT team had successfully got them out. Jay had told them they could let Sam know that Polly and Lola were safe but that is all the details they had given them.

"Baby, I was so worried about you and Lola." Sam had his head buried in Polly's shoulder. "Where is she? I want to see her. I want to hold her."

Jolene handed her over as soon as Sam approached. He smothered her with kisses and held her against his chest, trying to breathe her sweet smell and pulled Polly in so that Lola was wedged in between both her parents and everyone left them have a moment alone. "I love you both so much."

"I want to go home please. Sam, can we go home. I want to take Lola home." Polly was inconsolable.

Adam eventually had to interrupt them and he approached with some trepidation and rested his hand on Polly's back. He had the feeling that Polly was going to react badly; he'd been here before when Polly had lost it while they were dealing with the fallout from Abbey. A security guard had tried to separate Polly from Adam and even though she almost hated her Dad at the time her reaction terrified Adam. "Sweet Pea we need to talk to Sam for a bit."

He wasn't surprised when she shrugged away from him violently, crashing into Sam who was still holding Lola. "No, no. We need to take Lola home; she needs to sleep at home. We have to go home."

"It's okay Baby." Sam tried to placate her but she was having none of it.

"No, no, no. I want to go home." Polly was getting hysterical and she started flinging her arms around as Kim and Adam both tired to get Polly to calm down. Sam was trying to talk to her but he was protecting Lola from Polly as she tried to grab her from his arms. "Give her to me."

"Polly, just breathe. It's okay, it's over." Sam put his hand on Polly's shoulder to hold her at arm's length to keep her away from Lola. She was too worked up and Jolene and Phil were a little shocked. They had never seen Polly like this but obviously her family had because they calmly dealt with her. It had been a long time since Polly had been so out of control though. "We are safe now."

"No. I can't." Her breathing was getting worse and Adam and Kim were trying to get Polly to at least stop and breathe. She felt like they didn't understand that she needed to take Lola and Sam home because it was safe there. Finally the dam wall broke and the tears flowed down her cheeks. Quickly Sam gave Lola to his mother and took Polly from Adam's embrace and he could barely hold her up as she came crashing down in front of them.

"Let's go home Baby. Let's take Lola home." Adam arranged with Halstead so that Sam could be interviewed at home. It was the only way they could do it without Sam being distracted, if he knew how upset Polly was he wouldn't be able to concentrate and being separated from her right now was not going to work for either of them. He understood they had to do it while things were fresh in his mind; they would also come back a day later and revisit the interview to see if he remembered anything else or wanted to change things but his only concern at that moment was his wife and child. Just over a year ago Sam would have shrugged this off and got on with it, he lived life on his terms and took care of himself. Now, now he was struggling to reconcile that he wasn't able to protect his family when they needed him the most.

Kim watched as Polly stalked around the upstairs waiting for Sam's interview to finish and was surprised when she even yelled at Lola. "Why won't you fucking feed properly?" she dumped her and left her screaming on the bed.

"Polly, honey it's okay to be upset, to be scared and to be angry. This shouldn't have happened, but it has. You are all safe at home now. Sam is here, Lola is here." Kim grabbed her arms and got her to at least stand still for a moment. She needed her to breathe.

"She won't fucking feed." They had struggled with her feeding for the first two weeks and Polly was determined to continue breastfeeding despite how challenging it was. The Lactation consultant that Polly had paid for was a bitch and Sam hated her and how condescending she was but she had at least sorted both of them out to some degree and did tell Polly it was okay to express milk to let Sam feed Lola to give her a break. He would have liked the woman to tell Polly it didn't matter how Lola was fed as long as she was growing but that was wishful thinking on his part, that's not how these people worked.

It wasn't easy for a few days because Polly would try and pump after each feed but would sit there for an hour and get hardly anything out but slowly it started to increase and for the past week it had been much better and Sam could see Polly physically and mentally relax and when she relaxed it started working for her. She was doing a good job; he just needed her to believe in herself.

The LC had told Polly that stress didn't help with either supply or let down and today had been the ultimate stress test so it wasn't a surprise that things were going a little pear shaped.

"Okay. Let's take a break. Why don't you go take a shower? That can sometimes help with your milk letting down. Is there milk in the fridge?"

"A little."

"Okay, I will give her a little bit and maybe if she isn't so hungry and your milk is flowing a bit that might help." Kim was surprised when Polly did listen to her, she was expecting some push back but she left her with her Mom and had a shower, letting the streaming hot water drown out her screaming baby.

"Where's Polly?" Sam looked up from the table when Kim came down with Lola who was frantically sucking on her pacifier trying to get something out of it. "Is she okay?"

"A little upset. Lola is hungry and fussy and she's a bit frustrated." Sam demanded to take Lola and Kim got him a bottle from the fridge as he tried to soothe her. He asked the two Police Officers with Adam to wrap it up. As soon as he had Lola he lost focus and refused to give her back to Kim, she needed her parents or at the very least Sam needed to be her father for a while.

Once he was done he took Lola back into Polly, she was a little calmer now and they sat on the bed together with Polly resting against him while she got Lola back on the breast. Sam was kissing Polly's head and stroking her hair as he told her how proud he was of her as soon as he felt her relax against him when Lola started feeding. He thanked her for keeping his baby safe. "Polly, I want to marry you."

"Okay."

"Tomorrow."

"Sam… you don't need to do this. I know you love me, I know you love Lola."

"I do, Polly I do need to marry you." Sam had wanted to be calmer about it but he couldn't and it all came out in a rush. "It's all I could think about. What if something happened out there today and you couldn't get information or be allowed to see me because you are not my wife? We need to get married, for Lola. I want to do it for Lola."

"I already feel like I am your wife, you know that right. You are Lola's Daddy." Right now it was Polly's turn to be the rational one.

"I know, it's not the same. I want to marry you; I want to be your husband. Please?"

"It's not very romantic."

"No, but its from my heart."

When Kim stuck her head into their bedroom all three of them were fast asleep. Quietly she snuck in and lifted Lola from the bed and put her in her crib, worried that she would get smothered if one of them moved. It wasn't safe to sleep with Lola in between them. Sam stirred briefly and noticed what Kim was doing. "We are going to head off. We've organised dinner, its in the fridge just heat it up. Call us if you need anything, anything at all and let me know how Polly is please." Kim whispered and Sam just nodded.

It was almost dark when Polly sat up suddenly and gasped. There was no light it the room and it took Polly a moment to adjust her eyes. "What?" Sam was a little groggy still.

"Where is Lola?"

"Asleep in her bed." He tugged on her hand. "Lie back down."

Polly pushed him away and flew off the bed to check on the baby who was sleeping peacefully in her crib in the corner of the room. She rested her hand on her gently and felt her steady rise and fall of her breathing.

"Is she okay?"

"Yes." Sam was up in an instant when Polly burst into tears and he led her back to the bed and cradled her head to his chest and let her cry. "I was scared today Sam."

"I know. So was I. All I kept thinking about was you and Lola but I knew you would keep her safe. I just wanted to see you though. It was driving me insane. I was trying to keep everyone else safe a calm and I was out of my mind. I should have come back for you, when I first heard those shots I should have found my way back to you and Lola."

"No, Sam he would have seen you and killed you." Polly pushed him angrily. "You had to stay safe, I can't do this without you. Lola needs her Daddy; I need you. Don't you dare leave us."

"I'm not Polly."

"I am not doing this."

"Doing what?"

"Raising Lola, I am not doing it by myself. I can't."

"Polly, I am here. Right here." Sam was seriously confused; she looked like she didn't even know he was in the room. He could imagine that Polly had thought of a world without him in it when she was stuck in his office waiting to find out what was going on. He could imagine how distraught she would have been, how much she would have panicked and she was no doubt consumed by worst-case scenarios. The not knowing would have broken her, but he was here and none of that came true. He just needed to get her to stop thinking of then and focussing on the now and he was here with her.

"I can't even feed her properly. I am not a very good Mom. She hates me."

"Stop it." Sam grabbed her arms and made her look at him. "Just stop it Polly. Today was fucked, totally fucked but this is bullshit right now." They were both angry and finding it hard to stay in control. "I won't put up with it." He let go of her arms and left the room. "Come find me when you stop talking bullshit."

He could hear Lola crying. Polly hadn't come down yet and they both took a moment to cool down. Once she had quietened down Sam headed up and found them in the nursery, Polly was in the rocking chair feeding Lola and he could see that she had been crying. He didn't say a word but leant on the arms of the chair and kissed Polly, slowly and gently.

It was only Lola detaching herself that broke them apart. Polly got her back on as Sam crouched down and gently stroked the back of her head as she fed. "Lola, you have the best Mom in the world. She loves you so much and I think she's knocking this motherhood thing outta the park personally. We are two very lucky people to be loved by her."

Polly ran her hand through his hair but they didn't look at each other, Sam was staring at Lola, talking to her softly. "I was so scared today Bubba, I was scared that I would never see you or your Mom again, that I wouldn't get to see you grow up to be as beautiful as your Mom, that I wouldn't get to see your Mom again or love her. I was worried that she'd cry too much but I knew that she would keep you safe and you two would be okay because you would always have each other. I wouldn't have wanted to live without either of you, I couldn't but your Mom would always keep you safe because she's stronger than me."

Polly had tears pouring down her face. "I love you so much Charlotte, I know we joke that we fucked up but I haven't ever been more grateful about fucking up because I got you. Your Mom gave me you. I can't believe she did that for me and I get to love you because of what your Mom did. More than that I get to feel her love for me everyday and I need it as much as I need oxygen." He buried his head in Polly's lap and sobbed his heart out.

He didn't move until Lola needed to swap sides. Polly did it quickly and then wiped the tears from Sam's face. "I love you so much Sam. Don't ever doubt that."

"I don't."

Once Lola was fed Polly gave her to Sam, he bathed her and then just sat with her on his chest as she slept, one hand protectively on her back. He watched Polly as she moved around, heated up dinner and cleaned up. He wanted to help but Polly knew he needed that time with Lola; her time would come. Sam didn't talk much, the odd word here and there and it was a little unsettling and he steadfastly refused to talk about what he saw.

He lost friends today, three of them. People he'd worked with for the past year had been caught in the cross-fire. Mown down by a psychopath who didn't believe that zoos were the right places for wild animals but Sam wasn't ready to talk about it, he couldn't. So he pushed it down and focussed on Polly and Lola because that was in his control, today wasn't.

Polly was tossing around beside him. Lola had finally settled after Sam had topped her up. Polly had gone to bed once she'd had another feed but Sam barely put his head on the pillow before he had to get up to her, he insisted that Polly get some sleep. "Can't sleep Baby?"

"No."

"Can I get you anything?" Sam had been very attentive all evening and they did talk, not about the shooter but they talked. They discussed getting married and decided it was what they both wanted more than anything. "Perhaps I can run you a bath? It might help."

"It might."

Sam ran her a bath, he was standing in the bathroom with his hand under the streaming water and he was a million miles away so he didn't hear Polly behind him. She was watching him and he seemed so weary. He jumped a little when Polly stepped forward and he felt Polly's hand on his back. "Have a bath with me."

"Pol…." He started to say something. It wasn't fair, they hadn't even got close to having sex since Lola had been born and he missed it so getting in a bath with her right now when he craved the comfort she could give him was going to be torture.

Polly put a finger on his lips. "Shhh.." she whispered and reached for his hand, dragging her fingers over his palm. "Have a bath with me Sam."

Polly settled back against his chest and Sam scooped the warm water over her, the room was dark and quiet and they both just touched each other. "Close your eyes Baby. Sleep."

"I don't want to sleep." Despite the cramped quarters Polly managed to flip over and she kissed Sam's chest, neck and finally captured his lips in a needy kiss. He groaned when she attacked his neck again.

"Polly…." She was torturing him.

"Make love to me Sam." Polly muttered against his cheek. He grabbed her face and his kiss was fierce. They scrambled out of the bath and dried each other off before Sam picked her up and carried her back to bed. They were slow and deliberate, Sam took his time and kept checking that Polly was sure and ready and she just kept pushing him on.

"Do you know how much I love you, I would have died for you today, for you and Lola."

Polly burst into tears.

"But I am glad I didn't, because all I wanted was to love you one more time." He was wiping the tears from her face. "It's a lie, I always want one more time with you. I always did. When I left the first time, when I told you I was seeing someone else I broke up with her when I got back home because I realised I'd always want one more night with you. And that wasn't fair. Right now, I still just want more. You are all I want, you make me breathe."

If they could have slept in each other's skin that night they would have.


	33. Rush

It took a little bit of planning and two very dedicated helpers but they managed to pull it off.

Adam and Kim were surprised when Polly turned up on their doorstep with Lola and a bag three days before Christmas. Everyone was looking forward to Charlotte's first Christmas, she was going to be spoiled rotten and no one really cared to try and stop it so this was a little confusing. They had seen them two days ago and everything seemed fine. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Sure." Kim couldn't stop herself from thinking the worst as Adam grabbed Lola's car seat from Polly. "Why? What's going on? Where's Sam?"

"He's at home."

"Okay, Polly what's going on?" Kim couldn't ignore it any longer. The stress of the shooter had been evident on Polly over the past few weeks and Kim was concerned that they would struggle to deal with it together. Her concern was more for Polly and that she would push Sam away rather than rely on him. Adam had told her that Sam had been to see him and that he was worried although Polly didn't talk about it and just told her Mom they were working on things.

Sam had been to mandatory counselling through work after they farewelled three colleagues and the Zoo had eventually re-opened a few days later and he tried to get on with it but Polly was always in the back of his mind. He had felt a little at sea and at times resentful that she was making it all about her and not noticing that he wasn't doing so great but at least he was willing to deal with it, Polly just held it all in. The counselling helped him deal with that and he wanted Polly to have the same opportunity to move on.

Sam had gone to see Adam at work and asked him to check in with Polly and talk to her about seeing a counsellor because she was struggling with the fallout from that day. "She's done this before, I thought we were past all this bullshit." Adam slid a cup of coffee across the table in the break room and leant against the counter. Sam looked tired and distracted and he knew he hated being here. He didn't want Polly to think he was going behind her back. When he'd done that before, with the Abbey drama Polly had been annoyed and felt ganged up on.

"This isn't the same Sam, you know it isn't. She had your month old baby with her in the middle of an active shooter situation and she had no idea if you were dead or alive. Polly was always going to fall a little, that's who she is. You just need to be there to pick her up."

"I know, it's just frustrating. I hate waiting when I know she's struggling. It's killing me and she won't even talk to me about it."

"You've done it before, haven't you? You've waited and you picked her up. It wasn't us that got Polly back on her feet; it was you Kid. There is so much more to lose now and I know you won't let it happen."

"I can't do it alone. I am worried that I'll fuck it up."

Adam pulled up a chair and sat down next to Sam. "Sam, you are not going to fail, I have faith in you, I know how much you love Polly and Charlotte. We will help you help Polly because you are what she needs now more than anything."

In the end he didn't have too, Sam had lost the plot at Polly one day and basically demanded that she talk to someone, in fact he had already made some inquiries for her. She was furious with him but finally tearfully admitted that she needed to see a counsellor and they both went, together and separately and righted the listing ship. It was a harrowing few days and they struggled but they struggled together and that was the main thing.

He'd got home for work and Lola was screaming in her room and Polly was in the kitchen cooking dinner and she asked him how his day was as he leant in for a kiss. It was strange how she was completely ignoring the crying baby. Her monitor was sitting on the bench and turned off but she was loud enough to hear without it. "It was busy. How was yours?"

"Okay."

Sam exhaled slowly. "Ahh baby, what's wrong with Lola?"

"Lola is being a bitch today. She's been crying all day, I can't deal with it." Sam had just about had enough. Calling her a bitch was a bit too far, it wasn't that she called her a bitch it was the way she spat it out.

"Oh, okay. Do you want me to go get her?"

"Do what you like." Polly shrugged as she continued stirring the pot on the stove. "Maybe she'll actually like you."

"Are you okay?" It was a daily question. Polly was struggling to cope and Sam was doing his best. What Polly didn't understand was why he felt like he had to get straight back on the horse and go back to work within days of the incident. The first day he went back she was a mess and had called him ten times, gradually it had eased off but there was a difference between pretending to be okay with it and actually putting it behind them. Easier said than done and Polly wasn't doing either.

"Don't fucking start again."

"Oh okay Polly. Has she been fed?"

"Of course I have fucking fed her, that's all I've done all day." Polly slapped the lid back on the pot. "Unlike you who just waltz out in the morning and back in the evening and start on me."

He snapped. "Fuck you Polly. I've had enough of this shit. You need to sort your shit out, talk to someone I don't care who but don't take it out of Lola. She's fucking six weeks old." Sam stormed upstairs to Lola; she was red in the face and that made Sam even angrier.

"Hey Darling girl. Daddy's got you now baby." He cooed softly as he cradled the sobbing baby to his chest. He ran her a bath and that seemed to calm her down and they stayed upstairs for as long as possible until it was obvious she was hungry. "You want to feed her or do you want me to use the milk in the fridge?" He snapped at Polly when he bought her down.

"I'll feed her. My boobs are exploding." Polly held out her hands for Lola and Sam could see that she'd been crying. "Sam, I think I need help."

"Yep." He walked out of the room leaving Polly bordering on a full meltdown. He was being an asshole. Trying to be sympathetic when he was so furious wasn't easy and he needed a few moments to calm down. Holding his tiny helpless daughter while she cried, her little chest heaving, her face red and blotchy had infuriated him. Lola wasn't to blame for any of this, the asshole who took that gun into the zoo was to blame and she didn't deserve to suffer from the fallout, it was her parents' job to protect her from the world not leave her to cry for god knows how long because you couldn't deal with it. "How long had she been crying?" He was no less angry when he came back into the room and even the sight of Lola feeding while Polly stroked her leg and watched her intently couldn't calm him down.

"What?"

"How long had she been crying, upstairs and alone? How long?"

"Not long. I had just fed her, I know how to take care of my baby."

"Good to hear." When Polly burst into tears he finally relented and his anger evaporated in an instant. "You need to talk to someone tomorrow. I will organise an appointment for you and I will take you."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Yes." Sam would help her crawl over glass if he needed too. He wasn't giving up on Polly, he wasn't giving up on their family but she had to meet him half way.

Polly did, even that night she talked to Sam and it was painful and gut wrenching and it was hard but it didn't take long to feel a shift and they found the will to move on. So they took the next step.

"Well it's bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding. Sam's a bit of a traditionalist. Huh…" she laughed at the stunned looks on their faces. "..who knew hey?"

"What?"

"Sam and I are getting married tomorrow. Do you think you can make it?"

"What do you mean? What Polly?" Kim shook her head trying to get her head around this bombshell. She knew they'd been talking about it the day of the shootings they had seemingly shelved it and when they found out about Polly's battle to move past it they just assumed it wasn't on the cards right now, at the very least they thought they'd wait a few months.

"Tomorrow evening at 4pm at the zoo, Sam and I are getting married. It's all organised. All I need is for you to turn up. Dad has a job to do."

"Why the rush Polly?" While Kim was asking all the questions Adam was keen to hear the answers too.

"It's not a rush and because its what we want. It's the best thing for Lola."

"Does this have anything to do with the shooter?"

"It has everything to do with it happening tomorrow, but it has nothing to do with us wanting to be married. We were just going to wait awhile and now we don't want to. We want Lola to have that stability that a marriage gives her and us. And more than anything, I love Sam. He's my whole life, he makes me happy and I want to be his wife."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. The only things I am really sure of is who I love and doing what's best for Lola. We want to get married, we talked about it even before I was pregnant and we decided that we wanted to do it tomorrow."

"Okay. Then tomorrow we'll be there."

"Great." Polly looked the happiest she'd been in weeks. "I've organised us an appointment to get our hair done and our nails. Sam's having a couple of drinks at home tonight Dad if you want to go over and join him, lecture him or whatever."

Sam had already been over and told his parents before Polly left. He'd taken Lola with him and of course his mother had cried. What was it with mothers and their tears? This was a good thing, they should be happy.

"Yes." He jumped up but before he left he hugged his daughter. "Sweet Pea, I can't wait for tomorrow. It's been my dream from the day you were born, that you'd meet someone who made you happy, who could give you the world and who loved you as much as your Mom and I do. I'm so glad you have." On the way to Sam's he called Gus, at Polly's insistence and told him to get his butt over to his sister's house right now. Sam had some news for him.

Kim and Polly invited Jolene and Heidi over to join them and Maya also came over and gave them a very loose outline of the plans. It was as much a surprise for Polly as it was for them. She had no idea what the boys got up to but Adam crawled in well past midnight and Polly was still up feeding Lola. "Good night?" she surprised Adam when she spoke. The room was dark so that Lola didn't wake up too much that way Polly could get her back to sleep quickly and go back to bed herself.

Feeding still wasn't great for them and they were trying to do everything possible to get over the hump, they'd gone backwards for a few weeks but it was settling back down again. Polly had been even more determined after the zoo incident. Lola deserved the best they could give her and as far as Polly was concerned that was her breast milk.

"It was, Sam is still in one piece if that's what you are worried about?"

"I'm not worried."

Adam flopped down beside his daughter, he felt familiar and it felt right to be here after so many years of spending these quite moments with Polly, talking to her, guiding her and comforting her to be spending her last night before she became a wife side by side. "You know, I miss this."

"Me too."

"We did good didn't we Polly? We did good by you, didn't we?"

Polly chuckled a little; she could tell that her Dad had been drinking. "Oh god Dad, I'm here because of you and Mom."

"We are so proud of you, you are a beautiful woman, a beautiful Mom and Sam is a lucky man. You know you are a lot like your Mom and I think I am the luckiest guy in the world to be married to her. Sam, I think he knows how special you are, he always has and you and Lola are lucky too."

"In so many ways. I think I was lucky to have you as parents."

"You remember the first time you asked to go out on a date with Sam?" Adam stared off into the distance for a few seconds. It seemed like yesterday, actually it seemed like yesterday that Adam had sat with Polly curled up on his chest the night before he married Kim. She'd woken up and was fussy after a feed and he had bought her downstairs so that Kim could go back to sleep. In all honestly he was in love with these quiet moments right from the start. Thirty years later he was still here and he still loved it.

"I do."

"You looked so happy, giddy even and I realised, right then and there that you were growing up and that was hard for me. That was a really rough time, all of it but god Polly it made you fierce. It made you, you and that continues to blow me away. Every day." Adam had one arm around his daughter and the other was stroking his granddaughters soft hair as she slept in Polly's arms "I can't wait for tomorrow. Just to see you smile like that again."

"I can't wait either."

"I love you so much Polly. You've been my dream come true. You and your brother have filled this home and this heart…" he held his hand over his heart. "..with utter joy. I can't remember life without you two and your mom and I don't want too."

"You know what Sam wants?"

"What?"

"He wants to be as good a Dad to Lola as you are to me."

Adam leant down and kissed Lola's head. "I think he's off to a great start." He then kissed Polly, resting his cheek on her forehead for a few moments and she just caught a glimpse of the tears in his eyes.

"I love you Dad. You are my superhero."

"Yes, well." He brushed away a tear. "Even Superheroes need sleep, I've got a big day tomorrow and so do you."

Kim looked at her daughter as she came into the kitchen with Lola. She'd already talked to Sam as he called her as soon as he woke up; it felt weird not having them in the house and he tried to sleep in but he just couldn't switch his mind off. He wanted this day to happen more than anything and he didn't want them to spend another night away from him for a very long time. "Hey, how are my girls?"

"I think she misses you."

"Polly Baby, I missed you last night and I couldn't sleep. I am so excited, I can't wait to see you later today." Sam was already out of bed; he couldn't lie here in their bed without them. Polly would often bring Lola into bed early after her first feed so he could spend time with her before he went to work. It was amazing how quickly having Lola had changed them and things they did with her were already a habit.

"It seems so far away. I haven't kissed you since yesterday. I missed my good morning kiss." Sam always gave her a kiss before he left in the morning, even if it was two am. Even if someone was pissed off, there was always a goodnight and a good morning kiss. While they struggled for a few weeks the physical part of their relationship remained solid, they'd fought hard to maintain that.

"Do you want me to sneak over?"

"Could you?"

"I am sorry I made you do this, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now I regret it." He was a little whiny.

"Just think of how good it will be."

Sam was certainly thinking about how good it was going to be, later on, much later on. "Hey, how's Lola? Is that her?" He could hear her starting to stir over the phone.

"Yes, she was a little unsettled last night. I've pumped some milk for tonight so I can celebrate with you and so I am not sure if I didn't leave enough for her overnight, she was always hungry." Polly switched the phone over to video call and let Sam see Lola.

"Hey Sweetheart. Daddy misses you. I can't wait to see you again." He cooed. Polly often let him talk to her when he was at work, she could recognise their voices and her eyes usually widened if she was awake and could hear him. She was also smiling a lot now and generally always had a smile for her Daddy when he came home.

"How'd you sleep?" Kim held out her hands for her granddaughter. They had heard her a few times through the night and Polly had just finished feeding her after talking to Sam.

"I'd liked to say well, but Lola had other ideas. I think she missed her Daddy."

"You should go get another hour or two. I'll look after my little princess."

"Do you mind?"

"Not at all, we'll be fine." Polly also asked her Mom if she could call up Al and Trudy to see if they could make it today. They had always been in her life, and she knew they both saw her as a granddaughter and they adored Lola. She wanted them at her wedding, as well as Jay and Kate and Kevin who Adam had already promised to tee up to come along.

Adam found Kim and Lola together on the couch and he stood and watched them for a few minutes. "It's a little surreal isn't it?" Kim spoke and Adam had no idea how she knew he was there.

"Certainly is." He came and sat beside Kim, draping an arm around her shoulder and holding Lola's hand. The feeling of her little hand gripping his finger always bought a smile to his face. "I was just thinking, it feels like yesterday that this was Polly." They both adored this little girl, she was the apple of her parent's eye and her grandparents were crazy about her. They couldn't get enough so they grasped any chance they could to spend time with her. It was hard the first few weeks when she just fed and slept and now she was a little more alert they were loving it, probably more than they loved this time with Polly and Gus to be honest.

"I know. I feel old."

"Funny, you look exactly like you did thirty years ago when we bought her home, not quite as terrified now though."

"Ha, hardly. She's beautiful isn't she?" Kim ran her finger over Lola's cheek.

"They both are. We are lucky, Kim. I feel lucky. Both our kids are great, they are the best thing we ever did and now I see Polly so happy with Sam and this little one. I feel lucky." Adam bent down and kissed Lola's little fingers before pressing a gentle kiss to Kim's temple.

"I can't believe she's getting married today."

"I remember our wedding day."

"I was just telling Lola about it. It was perfect, I've never regretted that day or what we did." Kim leant her head on Adam's shoulder. "You remember you bought me those diamond earrings?"

"Polly bought them for you."

"Would you mind if I gave them to her today?" Adam thought it would be the perfect gift for Polly on her wedding day, her something old. Sam had promised him that he wouldn't take this moment away from him and he was glad he hadn't.

Kim waited until they got back from the hairdressers before she gave Polly the earrings.

"I have something I want to give you.." she sat on the edge of Polly's bed. "..but before I do I want you to know how much you mean to me. I've loved every single breath you have taken, from before I even saw you I loved you and I know you know how that feels because I know you've loved Lola since the moment the doctor told you that you were pregnant." Kim barely got the words out and Polly was equally emotional.

"I am so happy for you, finding Sam again and building a beautiful family with him. I am proud of the woman you are and I know Lola is the luckiest girl in the world because she has you."

"And you too Mom, she has you."

Kim handed her the earrings. "You gave me these, the night before I married your Dad he bought these for you to give to me and I cherished them. I want you to have them and maybe one day we can give them to Lola the day she gets married."

"Are you sure? They are beautiful Mom." Polly gently touched the earrings sitting in the palm of her hand.

"Not as beautiful as you." Kim ran her hand over her cheek.

"All I want is to be half as happy as you and Dad are."

"I want you to be twice as happy." Kim pushed herself up off the bed, bending back down and kissing Polly's forehead. "Now let's get this precious granddaughter of mine sorted and get you dressed. I can't wait to see you and your Dad together but be warned I am going to sob my heart out."

"Dad's going to cry too isn't he?"

"Like a baby."

Adam did wipe away the tears as Polly came down the stairs. She had managed to organise a dress, a long white lace slim fitting gown and not surprisingly, blue shoes. She had never set out to make that a thing for them but it had turned into that and it wasn't even a secret, everybody knew. It had started out to be something she had done for Abbey's funeral but now it was also a reminder of her relationship with Sam, a nod to their past and to the moment they knew it was going to happen again. At the zoo that night of her dinner Polly was in blue and Sam knew why because he, of all people knew her the best even after all their time apart. Today it was her something blue. Obviously she had a thick wool coat to go over the top for the ceremony but right now she looked beautiful. Kim was a blubbering mess as Gus walked her down the stairs; he had wanted to do it, he had wanted to talk to Polly alone.

Adam and Kim both noticed the ring on a long chain around her neck, their grandfather's ring. Gus had leant it to her again; he had given it to her to wear for Abbey's funeral all those years ago so they weren't surprised to see Polly wearing it again, but the chain was new, Gus had gone out and bought it that morning for this exact purpose. There was little fanfare and he didn't want to make a big deal of it in front of his parents. This was always going to be between him and Polly so Gus slipped into her room once she was dressed. "I love you Polly. You're my favourite sister."

"Also your only sister."

"Doesn't matter, you'd still be my favourite. Be happy Polly; be happy with Sam. He loves you and I hope that I find someone who I love as much as Sam loves you. He told me one day that you had a thunderstorm, that it was instantaneous and loud and exciting, it was electric and that's how he thinks of your relationship and I want that." He handed her the ring. "When you wear this I know that you know how much I love you and that I will always be there for you, whatever you need." He explained that the chain would always be with the ring and if she wanted or needed to wear it this would always be there. It was her something borrowed.

Polly leant forward as Gus placed the chain around her neck. "I love you Angus. I hope you get to be this happy one day; I want you to have the world. You deserve it." Her brother was, not surprisingly single again. It wasn't long after Lola was born that he broke things off with Olivia. She was devastated and had came to see Polly and begged her to talk to Gus. As much as Polly wanted too, and she did try Gus was never one to go back, once he'd made a decision it was pretty much done.

Lola was asleep in her car seat already, she was in a blue dress, with a white beanie pulled down tight over her ears and the blanket that Polly had bought her home from hospital in, the same one she had come home wrapped in as had Kim before her. It was tucked around her nice and tight and Polly kissed her cheek. "Let's go get married sweet girl, Daddy is waiting for us."

Arriving at the zoo Kim took Lola straight inside to see Sam. His face lit up and he excused himself from their guests when he saw them. "Hi, hi baby girl. Look how pretty you are." She smiled up at her Dad, the sound of his soothing voice lighting up her little face. It settled his nerves holding onto Lola until Polly arrived.

"You look beautiful." Sam leant in and whispered to Polly as he took her hand. Adam had held it together as he walked her towards Sam and he shook Sam's hand and kissed Polly's cheek before standing with Kim with his arm around her shoulder as she held onto Charlotte. He honestly didn't think he'd feel like this, he had no idea how he'd feel but he was pretty sure this wasn't it.

"Don't stop." Polly rested her hand lightly on his chest. "I don't want you to stop." Sam knew precisely what Polly was talking about. Polly had told him they had to stop that first night of the dinner. It was the last time she told him that, since that night they'd just plunged head first into their love story.

It was a short service because it was freezing outside and they married quietly and quickly under the oak tree they'd sat under on that first day they went to the zoo. It had another story to tell now and then moved inside to the Regenstein Gallery and had dinner set in the canopy. Andrew had organised the catering for them and there was plenty of food and drinks to go round. They had only told Andrew and Maya what they were planning and Maya had taken over most of the organising and Andrew had more than excelled at the food. The decorations in the Gallery were a reminder of that night of the Ball and Polly loved it. Maya had told her to trust her and let her handle it so until she walked in that night she had no idea what to expect and it was beautiful.

Even the photos they had taken were informal and Polly and Sam wanted to see photos of people enjoying themselves rather than standing in a line smiling at the camera. They asked the photographer to stay all night and snap photos throughout the evening.

"When Polly asked me where we should get married I thought I didn't really care as long as Polly married me, but when we talked about it we kept coming back to this place." Sam waved his hand around the room. "Seems weird to be getting married at the place you work and the place that caused us so much pain recently but it was also the place where we started to fall in love more than a decade ago, and the place that we knew we had to let ourselves believe in each other again and nothing can ever diminish that."

"All those years ago I bought Polly here late one night and we sat on the bonnet of my car and listened to the animals after dark. It was our third date and I think she thought I was a little seedy. It was a place that I often came to by myself; so bringing Polly here was a big thing for me. It was a first for me and over those first few years I'd bring her here when she needed to just breathe, because there were times that we both struggled to do that but those times created this and what we have now."

"Eighteen months ago I got a call from this place asking me to come home and that threw me holy and solely back into Polly's world again. And what a world it is."

"The night of her Charity Ball, right here was perhaps the night we knew, that we finally understood that we needed to immerse ourselves in each other again."

"We sat on the bonnet again that night and Polly told me that she didn't want me to stay away and so I didn't. Why would I?" He turned to look at Polly who was holding his hand and it took his breath away at how beautiful and happy she looked. "I was in love with you; I was going to chase you to the end of the rainbow."

"One night, not so long ago you told me that this is our place, it's here, right here. And that's never more relevant now." He smiled cheekily at Polly and she nodded. He had always wanted to tell this story. "We have a confession to make. You see we had a moment here, on the night of Polly's birthday on the bonnet of the car again, some would say it was third time lucky for me and well it was pretty perfect. Nine short months later we were head over heels in love with Charlotte."

They heard the collective gasp and looked sweetly at each other. "My place is with you, wherever that is. Wherever you and Charlotte are that's where I will be, that's where my heart lies, with you."

"Thank you for being my first love and my last." His voice shook and Polly never took her eyes off him.

"The day Lola was born I looked down at this perfect human being in my arms and I thought Polly has the most amazing relationship with her Dad and my daughter deserves that too. Adam and Kim have created the most beautiful amazing, strong and loving woman who I now get to call my wife." Sam took a deep steadying breath. "Thank you for letting me love your daughter. I hope you are proud of who she has become, because I am and I think she's amazing and in part that is because of you."

"My parents, they taught me to chase my dreams. They wanted what I wanted; they wanted me to do what I love everyday even if it took me to the other side of the world. It's what my Mom and Dad did. So I did, I chased them and here they are. In this place."

Adam had less than twenty-four hours to prepare something so in the end he just spoke from his heart. "I have to admit when Polly first talked about Sam is wasn't the greatest of timing. I wasn't ready for my teenage daughter to start dating. She was supposed to stay Daddy's little girl forever. But this Sam name just kept coming up over and over and over again and the smile on her face was electric."

"We have been lucky, Kim and I, we had these dreams for our daughter and I look at her now and think, you know what every hope and dream we had for you has come true. We wanted her to fall in love and she did, not once but twice. Sam, turned up all giddy looking and didn't take a backwards step despite the six foot four armed black cop…" Kevin happily raised his glass in Adam's direction "…in the driveway but he was there when Polly needed him too be, he pushed her, challenged her, supported her and let her go. Then he came back and did it all again. And he gave me a granddaughter, so I've got to thank him for that, even if technically I could have him arrested for something I am sure after that story I heard a minute ago." He wasn't going to let that one go for quite a while.

"I told Polly when she first asked to go out with Sam that I had to meet him and if he was ugly she couldn't date him because I wanted beautiful grandchildren. She's such an obedient child, because look at Charlotte, she's beautiful, like her mother and grandmother."

"Not for one second do I think a man owns his wife. Sam can't own Polly, he can however love her, adore her, support her, challenge her, protect her and make her happy. He can hold her when she cries, celebrate with her when she achieves great things, dance with her, take care of her when she is sick, hold her hand when she needs it, comfort her in her grief, wake up next to her, go to sleep curled around her, love her children and keep her safe. Basically he can just keep doing what he already does. I am not giving her to you but Sam; I am trusting you with her heart, I am trusting you with the most precious thing in the world to us, our daughter."

"Jolene and Phil, thank you for raising such an amazing son, I know how proud of him you are, I know how happy you are to have him back home. We are proud and delighted to call him our Son-in-Law and love having you both and your family as part of ours. Sam, love my daughter, keep loving her and I will leave the guns in the cupboard, at least until Lola brings home her first boyfriend anyway. Finally Polly, I sat with your Mom and Lola this morning and we tried to tell her how much we love you and we couldn't explain it to her or each other, let alone to you. I don't have the words to explain this to you.." He held his hand over his heart. "..they don't exist and telling you simply that I love you seems so inadequate, but I do with all my heart." He may not have had the words but that didn't matter, sometimes you don't need fancy words it just needs to be from the heart. "I look forward to watching all three of you have a beautiful life together, and you know, whoever else comes along, just make sure next time it's done in a more legal manner."

Like Adam, Phil had very little time to prepare anything so just decided to wing it. He kept it short. "Sam has always been a little on the wild side, he lived his life and for a while we couldn't tell him a damn thing. Like all teenage boys, he knew it all including what was best for him. When he finally admitted he liked this girl who was 'a bit different' I had to admit we weren't exactly jumping for joy and then he bought Polly home. She was different and she was perfect for him."

"They didn't do it easy but the grew up quickly and together and then went their separate ways to learn about life. I remember his mother crying buckets when her little boy flew the coop and she shed just as many tears when he came back."

"We thought he came back because he missed his family and in part that was true but we soon realised that he was also back to build a life with an incredible woman, that girl that made him a man a decade ago. Polly was back in his life and we couldn't imagine anyone better for our son. He's still wild, he loves his animals but more than that he loves Polly and together they have created this little life. Charlotte, our beautiful granddaughter…you have no idea how lucky you are."

"Congratulations to you both. We are looking forward to watching you continue to grow your beautiful family, to grow together, to challenge each other, support each other and love each other. If you can do that, I know you two together can achieve anything." He lifted up his glass. "To Polly and Sam."

When they first danced together Sam did remind her about the first time they danced here and how far they'd come and then the danced with Charlotte between them. Their perfect human.

It was everything they hoped for; it laid to rest their demons and fears and completed their circle. Those they loved the most, who had supported them through all the good times and the shit times were there to help them celebrate their marriage. And then they took Lola home and loved their girl, they sat curled up on the couch together while Sam fed her and cuddled her until she fell asleep before they loved each other.

Life felt good.


	34. Life Is Cruel

She wasn't going to do this over the phone, he deserved it hear it face to face.

Polly quickly bundled Lola up into some warm clothes, tucked a rug around her and pulled the beanie low down over her forehead. She hated it and wriggled her head to try and get it off but it was bitterly cold out and even the short trip from the car to Sam's office was too much to have her face exposed. It actually hurt to breathe and the last thing Polly wanted to do was take Lola out in it but she had too. "I'm sorry sweetie, but we need to go see Daddy." She cooed as she pulled the beanie up so it wasn't covering her eyes. Her desperate attempts to get her hat off had worked briefly. She popped the pacifier in her mouth and hoped that would settle her, she knew the car trip would, it was their saviour. They had spent a few nights driving around the block when she wouldn't settle at home, doing lap after lap until she was asleep.

Sam was shrugging out of his coat as he walked through the door, finally glad to be out of the snow and inside in his warm office. "Hey, It's cold out Baby, what are you doing here?" The rest of his question faded away as he noticed the tears in Polly's eyes, she'd obviously been crying and seeing Sam had started it again. "What's wrong? Is Lola okay?" He looked quickly at the car seat perched on his desk and she was sleeping, peacefully it seemed.

"Heidi tried to call you, she didn't want to leave a message. Sam, it's your Dad." She just had to say it, over and over in her mind on the way here Polly had tried to find the right words, but they failed her in the moment. "Baby, he died."

"What?"

"About an hour ago."

"What?" Polly reached for his hand as he started to shake his head. "Polly, what?"

"Sam, Baby. I'm sorry." He stepped around Polly and sat on the edge of his desk and rubbed her hands over his face as the realisation started to sink in and her words filtered through his brain. As they did he reached for his wife and pulled her into his arms, burying his head in her shoulder as the first tears started to fall. "I'm so sorry Baby." Polly cried with him.

It felt like time stood still for those few moments and then he lifted his head. "Where's Mom?"

"She's at home, with Heidi and Andrew. Let's go Baby." She tugged on his hand as he just sat on the desk. His mind was scrambled and Polly knew it. "Come on Sam."

"I need to tell someone I'm leaving." He reached for his phone and Polly could see his hands shaking uncontrollably and she held onto them.

"I'll do it."

Sam nodded and turned to Lola, resting both his hands on her as she slept while Polly called his 2IC before they left. He carried Lola out to the car but Polly insisted on driving and the closer they got to his house the more the realisation of what had happened started to hit him. Since he'd been back he finally had that relationship with his father that he had always wanted. Phil was so proud of his role at the Zoo and was always talking to him about it, offering advice and learning things from Sam. He'd come in and help out and Sam loved having him around. Lola's arrival had changed him too; he adored his granddaughter and wanted to make up for being too busy with his work when Sam was a baby by spending as much time with Lola as he could. He adored his grandsons, Noah and Lucas were always helping 'Pa out in his shed or in the garden, but Lola was his princess.

Now that had been cruelly cut short. Lola was barely three months old and he was gone.

Sam rested his hand on her leg, the roads were icy and Polly had to concentrate on driving rather than Sam but every now and then she would look at him staring out the window at the bleak Chicago afternoon and her heart would break a little more. "What happened?" he asked quietly.

"Heidi stopped by after dropping the boys at school and found your Dad in his chair." Phil had a favourite chair that he would sit in to read, he was always reading a book or the news or an article about conservation or captive breeding so he could talk to Sam about it. "There was nothing she could do. Your Mom got home about ten minutes later."

"What do you mean, nothing she could do? She's a nurse."

"He was gone Baby."

"Fuck." He banged his head against the headrest. "Can you hurry up?"

"I am going as fast as I can."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just….." his voice trailed off.

"Want to be there already. I know." Polly briefly took her hand off the wheel and squeezed his. "I love you Baby."

"I think I need every little bit of that love right now."

"All my heart Baby, all of it."

Sam smiled, a little painfully but it was a smile. "Hey, at least tell me how Lola's been?" For just a moment he needed to talk about something else. Lola seemed to consume them and they didn't realise how much she would rule their every waking moment. Thinking about her, worrying about her and dreaming about what she would become, it overwhelmed them some days but they wouldn't change it for the world.

"So far so good today. Poor Bubba, she's certainly getting shitty milk from me every other week." It felt like just when things were smoothing out for them this was going to be another pothole. They'd had the shooter and their battle to not let that bring them down and Polly's constant struggle to feed Lola. She'd had had less than stellar weight gain for a few weeks and Polly was getting pressure from a Paediatrician who made her feel like a failure and told her she needed to supplement her feeds. Hudson had been a godsend and kept a close eye on Lola and assured Polly that while she wasn't bounding along she was doing fine. Now this loomed large in front of them.

"No she's not." Sam hated when Polly doubted herself. "She's amazing, you are amazing."

"So are you."

"I can't believe this, this is some sick dream isn't it? I mean he was at our house yesterday."

"I wish it was." Polly choked on a sob. "I was looking at the photos from yesterday and there is one of your Dad and Lola, she is just smiling at him. I was looking at it just before Heidi called." Just when he thought his heart couldn't break any more, it shattered into smaller pieces as Polly cried.

"Lucky Lola. You know, I didn't say goodbye to him."

"You didn't know Sam."

"No, last night when he left I was doing the dishes and I didn't say goodbye." He buried his face in his hands and sobbed his heart out as Polly pulled into his parent's driveway and she cradled his head in her hands. "I can't go in there."

"Yes you can Sam." Polly made him looked at her "Yes you can." She held both sides of his face and kissed away his tears.

"Are you staying?"

"Of course." She kissed him one more time. "Come on, let's get Lola out. It's too cold out here. You ready?"

It was heartbreaking watching Sam try and comfort his mother while he was just as distraught and she had to leave the room, unable to listen to her husband's distress. She sat with Heidi and let her sister-in-law cry on her shoulder; she couldn't imagine what it must have been like to walk into that. The thought of that happening to her with Adam was terrifying. The thought of a life without her Dad in it was just too painful to think about.

Sam heard Lola crying as Polly changed her diaper, something that she really wasn't all that fussed about, particularly when she just woke up and was no doubt hungry. "Hey Chicken.." he knelt on the floor next to the bed as Polly finished dressing her "…Daddy loves you."

Her eyes widened as he talked softly to her and she smiled and 'talked' back to her Daddy. "You are precious and when your superstar of a Mom has finished giving you some lunch we are going to cuddle, okay? Grandma could do with a cuddle too." Sam lay on the bed with his eyes closed as Polly fed Lola, she rested on hand on his chest and he covered it with his. It took a few minutes before he started to speak.

'This is all surreal. I keep expecting to wake up."

"Talk to me Sam."

"I don't know what to say. Everything is a mess, Mom is a mess I am scared this will break her. I know they weren't like your folks but they loved each other so damn much and you know we had a good life."

"You did, and they did a good job raising all of you."

"I wished he was around more when I was little but you know lately." Sam choked on his words and that started Polly's tears again. Listening to her husband cry was gut wrenching. "I really felt like we were there, you know."

"He did too. He was so proud of you Sam, he would tell anyone who would listen about you. He was proud of all of you. At the wedding he told me how lucky I am to be loved by you because he knew you'd love me like he loved your mother. He wanted me to know that he was proud of your job but more than anything he was proud of the man you were and loved watching you become Lola's Dad." Sam didn't open his eyes as Polly talked to him but he did lift his hand and wipe away his tears.

"He was a good Dad."

"Of course he was, he raised you and you are perfect."

"Nah, but close enough" Sam smiled a little wryly "…and perfect for you."

"That's all that matters, you don't need to be perfect Sam, you just need to be ours." He rolled over and curled his arms around Polly's waist for a few minutes while she switched Lola to the other side and let her finish. "Go and see Daddy." She kissed her soft head and handed her to Sam.

"Full as a Goog." He wiped a little dribble of milk from the corner of her mouth. "Come on Sweetheart. Let's go see Grandma." He kissed Polly softly and whispered in her ear. "Thank you Baby. I feel it, I feel all your heart."

Sam was devastated as his mother apologised to Lola that she was going to have to grow up without a grandpa. Jolene wanted her children and her grandchildren around her and despite Sam wanting to sit in a corner with Lola and cry he let his Mom cuddle her. Hudson was picking the boys up from school and was on his way so she spent a few minutes with Lola and Lauren was madly scrambling a flight home.

Polly slipped upstairs and called her Mom and barely let Kim finish saying hello before she was a blubbering mess. "Do you need me to stop and get anything from home, do you have things for Lola?" Kim was kicking into Mom mode. She didn't even need to ask if Polly needed her, she knew that Polly did. This is what she excelled at, taking care of people in times of crisis.

Polly couldn't think, she had grabbed Lola's bag but had no idea what was in it and assumed that they would be staying the night so she would probably need some more clothes and diapers. "I don't know. I have a bag. Perhaps her sleeping bag and some more diapers." She couldn't really think straight.

Kim assured her that she would sort it out for her. "How are you?"

"I don't know." Polly sobbed. "I am all over the shop, Sam is devastated and I don't know what to do."

"Just let him know you are there for him. He'll let you know what he needs."

It didn't take long until the house was full and despite the sombre reason it was also full of laughter as friends and family regaled them all with tales of their Dad as everyone rallied around their Mom. They had a huge network of friends, most of them Sam didn't know. Being away so long had disconnected him from their lives and having people constantly reminding him that they hadn't seen him for years, or how much his Dad missed him was like being squeezed in a vice.

Kim and Adam arrived and Kim was in full flight. She had food prepared in a flash, stuff for Lola and was in her element. Polly had burst in tears as soon as she saw both of them and appreciated being hugged by them for the longest time. Kim had barely stopped crying when she saw Sam for the first time and that started everyone off again. Polly knew her parents would help her help Sam, they'd know what to do. She was worried that she couldn't give Sam all the support he needed because she had Lola to care for.

They realised that if they were going to stay the night Lola would need something to sleep in and the car seat wasn't suitable. They had a portable bassinette at home, she had almost grown out of it but it would do for a night or two. Adam offered to go get it and Sam went with him, he needed a moment to get out of the house and breathe. People where smothering them and Polly could see that Sam was getting agitated and suggested he go get Lola's things.

"I don't know how to feel." Sam stared out the window as Adam drove.

"You can feel whatever you want."

"Angry?"

"Yep. You can feel angry as long as you know what you are angry about."

"That I wasn't here, that my sister was, that he's not here, that my Mom is broken, that Polly is upset, that Lola will never know him, all of it." And the one thing that hurt Sam the most. "That I didn't say goodbye."

Adam assumed that Sam was talking about today rather than what happened last night but he did know that he hated that he never got the chance to tell his Dad how much he loved him before he died. "Hey, Sam it's okay to feel all that and more. Man, when my Pops died for the briefest moment I hated him and I thought 'how could you?' I spent a lot of time not being close to my Pops, we butted heads constantly and I also thought I disappointed him."

"You were a cop like him." He turned to face Adam and Adam was kind of shocked at how hollow Sam seemed. He looked drained of life.

"I was a cop because of him, I wanted to make him proud and for a long time he never showed me that. He was on my case all the time, are my shirts pressed properly, are my shoes shined, why did I only get a 90 on that test, why didn't I shoot better and then he hated that I went into Intelligence and man it pissed me off and I thought I'll show you, I will be a better cop than you. And you know I probably was, it just took me a long time to realise that's why he pushed me because he wanted me to be a better cop and a better Dad."

They fell silent until they pulled up at their house and headed inside. Sam went upstairs and Adam followed him a few minutes later and found him standing in Lola's nursery holding her stuffed Leopard in his hands. They had bought it for her before she was even born and it was always nearby waiting for her to be old enough to love it and cuddle it. "I think I chose Zoology because I wanted him to notice me. It was all about the animals for him and when I started showing an interest he suddenly took notice. Don't get me wrong I love it but I do wonder if I chose it to get closer to my Dad."

"Did it work?"

"Yeah it did."

"Then that's a good thing Kid." Adam handed Sam a glass of whiskey. He had poured two glasses before he'd come upstairs and he leant on the doorframe watching his son-in-law and rolled the whiskey around in his glass before knocking it back. "You know, I always remember him telling me one night, right around that whole mess with Abbey how proud he was of you because you stuck it out with Polly, that you cared about her and didn't back down when, quite frankly she was a bit of a nightmare. I had to stay, she was my daughter but fuck she made it hard."

"She did and he asked me what I was doing? And I told him that I didn't know but something told me to stick around and I had no idea what that was." He looked at the ring on his left hand; it was still a little surreal that it was even there. "I figured it out, I just love her. It's not complicated with Polly, it never was. I just love her."

"Good to know." Adam tapped his glass and told him to drink up. "Speaking of which, let's get back to them. You've got two beautiful girls waiting to love you. Let them help you. Kim, Polly and Gus were my rocks when my Pops died and all they did was stand beside me." They gathered up the bassinette and Sam took the Leopard as well. Adam threw his arm around his son-in-law's shoulder before they got back in the car. "And Kid, I'm sorry about your Dad. He was a good man and I am glad I got to call him a friend."

He noticed that the first thing Sam did when they got back was go and find Polly and just hold her hand as he leant on her for just a minute.

It was late when Sam came to bed and he was a little tipsy. Polly had slipped away hours ago to put Lola down and had fallen asleep herself. Polly didn't expect him to say anything, he had come up a few hours ago and sat on the bed and talked to her for a while before he left them alone.

"I talked to Andrew." Sam had been surprised when Andrew 'came out' but he didn't really spend a great deal of time with him when he was younger so they weren't all that close. He also didn't care who his brother loved as long as he was happy. Since he'd been back though they had worked hard to build a relationship and Andrew adored Lola and was always spoiling her rotten. He'd called it quits with his long term partner just as Sam first came back but had been with Dylan for almost six months now so Sam was surprised that Dylan wasn't around today. He thought they were pretty stable and had even told Andrew that by six months he'd knocked Polly up so if he thought six months was too early to introduce him to the family he was talking to the wrong person.

"How is he doing?"

"Who knows? I told him to call Dylan, that if he wanted him here he should be here." Sam had only met him once, by accident when he dropped into his restaurant and it was before Lola was born and he seemed nice enough and Andrew seemed really happy but he wasn't ready to immerse him in his whole family life just yet. They hadn't seen him at Christmas and he didn't come to their wedding despite Polly insisting that Andrew invite him.

"Is that Dylan?" Sam found Andrew sitting in their Dad's small den having just hung up his phone.

"Yep. He was just checking in."

"You know he's welcome here don't you? If you want him here, tell him to come over."

"It's not really the time to parade my new boyfriend in front of the family."

"It's not the time to be alone if you don't want to be. I have Polly and Lola; Heids has Hudson and the boys. Mom has all of us. Call him back and tell him you need him."

"When did you get so wise and bossy, Little Brother?"

"Since now. I've already met him and the people that matter don't care as long as you are happy, the rest of these fuckers, what's it matter?" Sam shrugged. His extended family were a bit weird to be honest but they were coming out of the woodwork today, and it was nice that they cared but he'd already told one cousin to fuck off when she started in on how she never understood how accidents happened in this day and age 'although Charlotte is adorable.' When she held out her arms to have a cuddle Sam flat out refused. He didn't really care who he pissed off at the moment.

"I think it will be a little awkward don't you?"

"Does he want to be here? Has he asked if you need him?"

"Kinda."

"Fuck Bro, call him back. I'd rather sit and have a whiskey with him than some of those idiots." He waved his arm in the general direction of the never-ending flood of people rocking up. "I am sick of hearing about how they were disappointed they weren't invited to the wedding, how they were surprised we had a baby so quickly and that I must be glad I came home after so long away because it would have been dreadful if I wasn't here and I'd never forgive myself. I don't need to be reminded that I missed out on ten years of family life. The real winner was that annoying Tonya asking me where Poppy was and asking if she was still nursing Lola. She doesn't even know Polly's name but she certainly had her opinion on what she should be doing. Maybe we can hide in here and ignore them. This is why I stayed away so long. I mean Aunt Doris is a serious bitch."

"She's always been a bitch, she hated that Dad married Mom for some reason. So seeing her all fawning over Mom now is pretty fucking annoying to be honest. Heidi has already gone to town on her." It was true, there was always something off about her and they had done everything they could to avoid her when they were growing up. She was their Dad's sister and had never liked their mother so they very rarely caught up, only at family events and once their grandparents had died only their Dad would see her once a year at most. Heidi had lost the plot when Doris was telling her Mom exactly what Phil would want at his funeral; they hadn't even got that far yet, they'd barely wrapped their heads around the fact that he was gone. "Speaking of staying away. Where's Polly and Lola?"

"Pol took her up to bed, I think she was sick of people touching her and kissing her and offering their very helpful advice." Sam was very aware that Polly was struggling feeding Lola again today, there were lot of distractions today but by god she was giving it her best shot and didn't need all manner of helpful advice from people she'd never met. Hudson had been more than happy to give her the once over and thought she was looking great, growing like a weed and nice and alert. "My guess is they are both asleep."

"You've been kissed on the dick Dude, with those two."

"Don't I know it." Sam laughed. "Perhaps it's time you were." He picked up his brother's phone. "Call him."

"Hey Sam." Andrew called out to him as he headed to the door. "I'm glad you came home."

"No place I'd rather be anymore."

He curled up around Polly "Did he call him?"

"Yep and he came over and we had a couple of drinks. He's a nice guy and he even showed me all the photos that Andrew had sent him of Lola and he can't wait to meet her and you." Sam kissed her shoulder, mumbled that he loved her and fell asleep. As soon as Lola started to stir Polly slid out of bed and tried to leave the room with her so she wouldn't wake Sam. "Where you going?"

"I thought I'd feed her downstairs so you can sleep."

"Come back to bed."

They knew not to wake her too much or turn any lights on so they sat in the dark and Sam talked. He talked about his Dad, he cried, he chuckled and he remembered. He thanked Polly for being there for him, for holding him up and for loving him. "If I am a bit shitty over the next few days pull me up."

"Sam you are allowed to be shitty."

"I might forget to tell you I love you. I'm sorry I missed Lola's feed." Sam always gave her a late feed before he came to bed.

"Sam, come on Baby. Don't do this, worry about yourself, your Mom and your family. You just lost your Dad, Lola and I will be here waiting for you and I will do whatever you want me to do. If that's taking on all of Lola then I will. If all you can do is cuddle her then that's okay. Don't feel like you have to do anything."

"I think you are incredible."

Polly kissed him, long and slow and lovingly.

It was almost eight when he stumbled into the kitchen with Lola looking for coffee. Polly had already fed her and was now back asleep. They'd had and up and down night and Lola had woken a few times. They managed to get her back to sleep quite easily but it was still a broken night's sleep and Sam woke every time Polly got up. "How's my pretty girl?" Jolene jumped when he came in. She'd been up for hours; having barely slept until she took the sleeping pill that Hudson had given her. Even that only let her mind stop for a couple of hours.

"She's bright as a button this morning." Sam handed her over to his Mom and she instantly smiled. "She's a morning person sadly."

"Why sadly?"

"As soon as her eyes are open she's wanting action. She's usually ravenous when she wakes in the morning and if she would suck blood from a stone in the morning given half the chance. I don't see many sleep ins in our future."

"You were exactly the same. You barely stopped to sleep."

"Don't lie, I was an angel." At least his mother managed to laugh a little.

"That's not what we called you."

"You get some rest?"

"It was strange, sleeping next to nothing. I haven't done that in such a long time." Half way through Jolene let out a sob and Sam felt like a dick for asking. "I am not sure I want to get used to it either."

"Sorry."

"I guess this is just the first of many firsts." She looked at Lola who was obviously watching her Daddy and hearing his voice always made her search for him. "You can hear your Daddy?" Jolene cooed at her and Lola 'talked' back to her. "She's so beautiful Sam. Your Dad loved her so much, he was always talking about her, telling people how beautiful she was."

"He wasn't lying she is beautiful, we kind of love her." Sam sighed. "Polly has a photo of Dad and Lola from the other night, I'll get her to send it to you."

"I'd like that and thank you for staying last night. I know it's a big thing to uproot Lola."

"She's a bit have boobs will travel at the moment. We'll stay for a bit."

"Polly's doing okay isn't she?" Jolene had been worried about her. Being a new Mom was such a challenge and they'd had a bit of a rough road. She didn't want this to derail her again.

"Polly's great, she's amazing with Lola. I wish she could see how great she's doing some days." He made them all a hot drink and asked his Mom if she minded staying with Lola for a few minutes while he took Polly's up to her.

"Where's Lola?" Polly grumbled sleepily when Sam placed her tea on the table and sat on the edge of the bed.

"With Mom, they are having a chat."

"Is your Mom okay?"

"I think she's been up for hours."

"How are you?" Polly rolled over and sat up a little as Sam leant across and rested one hand near her hip.

He suddenly felt the need to be close to Polly "In love with you." And he kissed her, and the longer he kissed her the deeper he went. She let Sam go, he needed to forget for a few minutes, he needed to feel loved so that's precisely what she did. She loved him.

No one was more surprised than Sam when Andrew arrived with Dylan. Polly had just taken Lola upstairs to feed and put her back to bed and when she came down Sam dragged her into the kitchen. 'Who's that talking to your Mom?"

"Dylan."

"Really?" she leant out the kitchen door and tried to spy on them. Creeping further out and then scurrying back into the kitchen.

"For fuck's sake Polly just go out there and introduce yourself." Sam laughed at her pathetic attempts to check him out.

"He's hot." From what she could see he was dark haired, with slightly dark skin and tall with very impressive arms. "Why are all the hot ones gay?"

"Hey, what the hell am I? You forgotten what you were telling me just a little while ago, should I remind you."

"Are you jealous Babe?" Polly came to stand behind Sam who was doing some dishes and ran her hands over his groin. "Don't be jealous." They were trying not to let the overwhelming sadness consume every waking moment. It didn't mean they were any less grief stricken; it was just impossible to have it be all you thought about and Polly was desperate to make Sam smile a little and take his mind off his grief. Lola had been good for that because for her life went on, she ate, slept, cried, and smiled and Sam was always looking for her to cuddle and the hour her and Sam spent alone that morning had also relieved a bit of the pressure and this sweet little moment did too.

"Fuck Polly, don't." he pushed her away with his hip. "Unless you plan on finishing what you've started."

"You've already had that today. Don't be greedy."

"Then get out of here. Go meet lover boy out there."

Polly chuckled, kissed his cheek and disappeared into the lounge. "Oh Hi. I didn't realise you had company." She added breezily and Sam could still hear her and shook his head. Polly Ruzek was a law unto herself and she made him laugh constantly. "I'm Polly." She offered her hand to Dylan as he stood up and Polly took a moment to catch her breath as he towered over her. "Sam's far more impressive half."

"I'm Dylan….Andrew's…." he paused awkwardly.

"Andrew's partner, finally I get to meet you. Andrew's kept you well hidden." Polly filled the gaps once she had recovered and she could see him relax. "We've heard a lot about you lately. You are the reason my husband came to bed slightly tipsy last night I hear."

"Guilty. Sorry about that." He blushed a little. "Congratulations on your wedding, Andrew said it was a beautiful evening and the photos looked wonderful."

"Oh, please don't worry. He's a bit of a lightweight these days. We wished you could have made it to the wedding." Polly liked him and babbled like and idiot for a few minutes before she offered to get them a drink. She bounded back into the kitchen and Sam was onto her like a rash.

"Jeez could you make it any more obvious. You know he's not into girly bits."

"Ah baby, No need to be jealous then." Polly patted his cheek.

"I'm not jealous." He scoffed as he watched Polly with the coffee machine. "The only person I am jealous of is three months old and sleeping upstairs."

"Why you jealous of her?"

"She gets to play with your boobs every few hours. I never had that privilege."

"You are an idiot sometimes."

"And you love me." He grabbed her breasts and squeezed them playfully and Polly laughed.

"Do you mind?" Andrew covered his eyes as he entered the kitchen. Polly hadn't seen him all morning as he had gone down the store to pick up some milk and a few other things they had run out of. She had been surprised that he had left Dylan here but as it turned out he had wanted to stay and talk to his Mom for a bit and get to know his family and literally pushed Andrew out of the house. "Get a room."

"Ah, don't be mad brother." Sam let Polly go.

"I am starting to see why I now have a niece. I don't want to find out that the next one was conceived on Mom's kitchen bench. I am still coming to terms with the car bonnet thing." He yanked on the door of the fridge. "If you suddenly have a baby in nine months time I will literally need to burn this place down."

"It's a good story."

"In a seedy kind of way." Andrew had taken great pleasure to telling one particular snooty relative last night that Sam had 'screwed' Polly on the bonnet of the car in the middle of a parking lot to 'knock her up', it hadn't gone down well and while he roared with laughter their relative didn't find it all that amusing. Then again she was talking to Andrew under duress because she never quite understood why he 'chose' to like the 'gays'. "Where is my princess anyway?"

"Sleeping." Sam just laughed. God help them if Polly did get pregnant now, they weren't even close to getting a handle on Lola. "Something she prefers to do during daylight hours apparently."

Sam and Andrew took off to pick up their sister from the airport leaving Polly and Heidi at home to field the phone calls, flower deliveries and feed the never ending stream of visitors. Dylan had taken off but they made him promise to come back for a family dinner tonight.

Lauren was obsessed with Lola and the boys and despite it being for the shittiest of reasons it was nice for Jolene to have her family around her and with kids it wasn't all doom and gloom, there were times for laughter too.

The problem was they never got a moment alone, while it was comforting that so many people loved Phil and wanted to offer their condolences and help it became a little much. Lucas and Noah were a bit of a handful for Heidi as they struggled to cope and Lola was unsettled. They decided to go out for dinner, Andrew organised a table for them and they spent the evening together as a family and laughed. They laughed about their Dad, shared stories from their childhood that Hudson, Polly and Dylan had never heard and Jolene sat back and missed her husband and loved her children, their partners and her grandchildren as they surrounded her with love.

It was beautiful, heartbreaking and comforting. It was the first day of her new life. The life of a widow, a life she never wanted.


	35. Hold My Hand

Sam jumped a little when he heard the slightly annoyed wail of his daughter and opened his eyes to find her squirming naked body being held out towards him while he showered.

"She needs a wash, she's just covered herself in glory." Polly handed her to Sam and disappeared back into the bedroom to clean up the mess she had just created. As well as chucking up some of her milk onto the bed Lola had also managed to get poo everywhere. They were constantly surprised at the mess she could make, regurgitated milk, wee, poo and snot. She was little and mighty and she was disgustingly beautiful.

To say she loved a shower would be an understatement; she seemed to like it more than a bath. For some reason the water tumbling over her always soothed her and Sam often found himself clutching her slippery squirming body in the shower. The first time it happened he was terrified of dropping her and even now he held onto her with a vice like grip and it always seemed like he was the one left holding the wet baby.

He kissed and blew raspberries on her sweet little face and neck and loved how she would burrow her head into his neck, if he couldn't have Polly snuggling into his neck then he'd take Lola any day of the week. The joy was short lived however when she managed to grab hold of one of his nipples in a death grip. "Oww, Charlotte. Gentle." He whined and winced as worked to release her hand.

"What's wrong?" Polly reappeared. Sam calling her Charlotte wasn't because she was being good.

"Just her super human grip and ability to find the one piece of flesh that she can hold onto."

Polly just laughed as she leant in and pumped some soap into her hand. "You torturing your Daddy." She smiled at Lola who gurgled back at her and spluttered as she got a mouth full of water as Sam clutched her tightly. "Lucky it is so weeny. Daddy is such a softie." Rubbing her hands over her legs continued to talk to her "Let's make sure all those crevices are clean. It never ceases to amaze me how you manage to get it everywhere."

"She's a shit machine."

"I know. Lucky I was changing her on your side of the bed."

"Then I guess we will need to both sleep on your side then." Sam teased her. "So you want to be on top or on the bottom?"

"You wish Baby." Polly rinsed the soap off Lola. "Your Daddy is a silly man."

"Hey Baby, while I'm kinda busy here." He flicked Lola's legs in her direction splashing her with water. "You want to make sure all my crevices are clean?"

Polly laughed as she reached for some more soap and teased Sam with a quick once over his 'crevice'. He covered Lola's eyes with his hand. "Don't watch chicken. Mommy's being cheeky."

"You're done." She stepped back and grabbed a towel and held it out while Sam handed over Lola.

"Half done. It doesn't take much." He nodded at his groin. "You wanna finish what you've started."

"Nope." Wrapping the towel around Lola she quickly disappeared from the bathroom.

"You are on top later."

It was a brief moment, a brief happy moment on a day of overwhelming sadness. By the time Sam got out of the shower, shaved and started getting dressed Lola was already in a cute little dark green floral dress, lying in the middle of the bed absolutely fascinated with her hands and ready for her Grandpa's funeral.

He sat on the bed and talked to her while Polly got ready. Polly then took a moment to straighten his tie before pressing her lips against his and letting them linger for a moment. "I love you Baby, we both do. Whatever you need today just ask."

"Hold my hand." He whispered. "And my heart."

Hand in hand they headed downstairs. Lola nestled in her father's arms as they face the worst day of Sam's life.

The church was overflowing and Polly didn't let go of his hand. Kim had taken Lola while they greeted the congregation. Too many people wanted a piece of her and she could see that that was agitating Sam. He was unapologetically protective of his daughter and had begged Polly to get her mother to take her away from the crowd. They took Lola inside out of the cold and Adam and Gus were the ever-present bodyguards for her. Gus had come from work so was in uniform and Adam had always cut an imposing figure so people were reluctant to approach them.

Polly wasn't really sure why Sam was being so particular about it but let him go, he had to do what he needed to do today, she would tell him if he went too far but so far he just wanted to make sure that Lola was not overwhelmed by all the people milling around. He hadn't told her that over the past few days he had put up with more than enough people commenting on how shocked they were about Lola and his wedding. Now everyone wanted to see his baby and touch her and hold her and he snatched it, today wasn't about Lola it was about his Dad.

Once they were in the church Kim handed Lola back to her parents and Sam clutched her to his chest and held Polly's hand tightly as they walked up the aisle to take their seats in the front row.

Phil's oldest friend, Roger delivered the eulogy.

 _'Phillip John Hollister was passionate about a few things and would tell anyone who would listen. His animals, he loved his job and didn't think twice about getting up in the middle of a freezing cold winter's night to go and tend to a desperate call for help. He never stopped learning about them, loving them and helping them and his delicate touch and empathy towards them was appreciated. You could tell that by the copious amount of letters and photos that he had in his office._

 _It was his passion in life, helping people by helping their pets and sometimes he knew he let that get in the way of his family. He also knew he could keep doing what he did and loved because of that family._

 _Even if the balance got out of whack on occasions one thing Phil always knew was that the only reason he breathed was because of his wife Jolene and their four spectacular children Andrew, Lauren, Heidi and Sam. In his office there was always a photo of all of them proudly on his desk. His regular clients always asked about them because his face would light up when he talked about them._

 _Jolene was the love of his life, his light in the dark, his moon and stars. She was his biggest supporter and his harshest critic and he always knew when he'd gone too far or things had got too out of balance because Jolene would read him the riot act and he would scuttle away, tail between his legs, lick his wounds and go home to her waiting arms._

 _His children were his proudest achievement. Andrew, he was always telling anyone who would listen that you had to go to his restaurant because it was the best in town. He'd eaten things he never thought possible and coming from a meat and three veg upbringing it was way out of his comfort zone but he did it because it was Andrew. He was proud of the man he was, the man he is. If Andrew was happy, so was Phil._

 _Lauren was his free spirit, never one to be tied down but he'd get a tear in his eye, each and every week when she'd send him a message. 'l love you Dad and I miss you.' He missed her but loved the wonder and wanderlust in her soul. He knew she would never be tied down to one spot and he loved that about her. He loved sharing her adventures and seeing where she had been but he always reminded her to just make sure she was happy, wherever in the world she was, just be happy Loz._

 _Heidi was his anchor. Her gentle nature and raucous laugh filled his heart constantly. Heidi would call him up and ramble on for half an hour and when you asked Phil what that was about he would just shrug and say its just Heidi. And that's what it was. Heidi just keeping him in the loop about boys, men, skirt lengths, politics, the weather and hairstyles of the rich and not so famous. It didn't matter she just loved talking to her Dad._

 _Phil never expected his children to follow in his footsteps but when Sam did he was beside himself. Perhaps he wasn't always around as much as he should have been. By the time Sam came along the family camping trips and weekends away had all but disappeared. The older kids wanted to spend time with their own friends so Sam found himself immersed in his father's world of four-legged creatures. His determination to succeed was a constant source of pride for his father and he was always waiting on that next video or email about Sam's latest achievement._

 _If the measure of a man is in his legacy, then Phil Hollister was one hell of a man because his legacy is sitting just over there and he loved every single part of them._

 _Just when Phil thought he'd achieved everything in life. That he had everything he needed to be happy he got more. Noah and Lucas, his grandsons were lucky. They got a grandpa who was passionate about them and would always have them glued to his hip, down in the shed doing god knows what. He immersed himself in their life and celebrated every milestone and achievement. He was front and centre in their lives. He was immensely proud of Hudson his son-in-law and was happy that his daughter found someone with as big a heart as she had._

 _And then along came his princess, not so long ago. Sweet little Charlotte. Lola may not get Grandpa in the front row of her first school play, he may not get to celebrate her first tooth and see her take her first steps but she does always have a Grandpa who was head over heels in love with her. She will always have that one final photo and get to see the love in his eyes for his sweet princess. No one was happier than Phil when Sam declared he was coming home, that he'd fallen in love again and that he'd bought Polly back into their lives was just the icing on the cake. Charlotte was the cherry on top._

 _When I asked him one day what he wanted to be remembered for. He told me. 'I want people to think that I did okay, that I wasn't an asshole and that I'd raised good people.' And I thought fair enough and then he added. 'I want to be remembered as a man who loved his wife and his children and I want my children to be people that everyone looks up to, who are loved and adored and who are happy. That's all I want.'_

 _Well Phil, you've knocked it out of the park. You will be remembered for all that and more. You will also be remembered as a phenomenal vet, kind generous man and the best friend a man could ask for.'_

Andrew did speak briefly and behalf of his sisters and brother. "We were lucky. Mom and Dad embraced our quirks, our various personalities and our choices. They celebrated our successes and stood by us when we failed. Dad would always say that failures need to be written in sand, own them while they are there and then let the tide of tomorrow wash them away.

Nothing can wash away this pain though. We never imagined not being able to pick up the phone and have a chat; we never thought that we could send him a message or a video and that he'd never see it. He was meant to live forever. Noah and Lucas were supposed to point to him in the stands at one of their games and say that's my grandpa. Lola was supposed to slip her little hand in his and look up at him in wonder, like we all did.

"Just to indulge in myself for one minute. My Dad, one day he hugged me like I'd never been hugged before. It was the day I told him I'd met someone. He didn't bat an eyelid when I told him his name was Jason. He hugged me and told me he loved me and he was happy for me." Andrew wiped away a tear. "He lived my heartbreaks with me and I have never been more grateful for that hug that day and I remember it like it was yesterday and I am going to hang onto it, if that's ok."

It was then that he saw it, he had scanned the crowded church and found his friends, down the back but he couldn't see him. Then he did, just a few rows behind him sat Dylan with Polly's parents and brother. Gus had sought him out before the service started. He hadn't met him yet but his Mom pointed him out.

"Dylan?" He had made him jump. "I'm Gus Ruzek, nice to meet you. Mom and Dad want you to join us. You should be up near Andrew and his family."

"It's okay. I can stay back here."

"Bullshit. Andrew would want you with family. Polly would have my guts for garters if I took no for an answer." He grabbed him by the elbow and led him to the front of the church and that's where Andrew found him, sitting beside Polly's Dad, he'd only met the man a handful of times but Sam often talked about him and how much he thought of him.

"I asked him once if he loved Sam more than me because Sam was more of a man than I was and he told me that he hoped that my youngest brother grew up to be half the man I was. By the way, he is probably a touch more than half." Andrew laughed, as did half the church. "Love you little Bro."

"My sisters are my ultimate fag hags but my parents were my rocks. They embraced me for me, like they embrace Loz's need to live amongst the stars in another continent, they embraced Heid's love of story telling, some of those emergency department mishaps she shared around the dinner table still make your stomach churn and they embraced Sam's willingness to throw his whole heart into his life. They even embraced his wild side, evidence by the result of a night of 'teenage' madness that he indulged in about 12 months ago that involved a car bonnet on a freezing cold night in the zoo parking lot and nine months later we said hello to Charlotte and Dad couldn't be happier." Andrew loved that story, he loved that Sam just lived his life on his own terms and that he'd found someone who let him. More than anything he loved that half their relatives would find that horrifying, the half that found Andrew horrifying because of whom he loved.

"And to our darling Mom. We never wanted your heart to break like this, but all four of us hold a piece of it and we will help you put it back together the best we can. It's what Dad raised us to do."

Andrew, Sam, Hudson, Roger and Phil's two brothers Richard and Joe shouldered his casket out of the church followed by their mother flanked by Lauren and Heidi and Polly with Charlotte, Noah and Lucas.

"Hey Baby, can I talk to you?" Sam grabbed her hand and took her outside, fetching their coats and beanies on the way out. It was freezing so everyone was inside. As soon as they were alone Sam adjusted her beanie on her head, grabbed the collar of her coat and pulled her in for a kiss.

"You okay?"

"I want to thank you. I just want to say this, so don't interrupt me."

Polly nodded.

"I love you. You are my strength and my weakness, you are my home and you make me want to leave it each day to go to work so that I can build the home that you thrive in, that our family will grow in. You are the reason I come home. I survived without you but I never really lived until you. You hold my heart in the palm of your hand and you treasure it, you foster it, nourish it and protect it. You are holding it together right now when it is broken. You will help me mend it. You've given me the very best of you, your heart, your love and your flesh. The best thing I ever did was make a little human with you, because I couldn't imagine doing that with anyone else. I will protect her and love her until my dying breath because she is part of me and because she is part of you.

You Polly, my wife, my best friend, my biggest supporter, my rock, my healer, my guide, my sounding board, my strength and my kryptonite and my lover. Making love to you never ceases to amaze me and fill me with love and joy, every single time but some days that pales into insignificance when I wake up and you are there beside me. I love the way you look at me, I love the way you touch me, I love the way you love me and I love watching you with our daughter." He let a little sigh escape his lips and closed his eyes momentarily.

"Thank you. You told me the other day that I had all of your heart and I've felt it, every step of the way. I've felt you with me. Thank you." He held her face in his hands. "This doesn't end, this doesn't stop." His kiss was soft. "Don't say anything, not right now." Sam stepped back and grabbed her hand and led her back inside out of the cold.

It had left Polly at little stunned. It was a brief moment on a day that had broken her husband into pieces. He had fallen into her arms as they watched the hearse disappear from view but they had barely spent more than a few moments alone together and even the moment on outside was brief.

They had mingled around, waxing and waning their moments taking care of Lola. Andrew had thanked her parents and Polly for what they did for him and Dylan. It had meant the world to him, he had always worried that his family would never accept his life choice and some of them didn't, but the ones that mattered did and both Polly and Hudson were included in that.

Polly was sitting cross-legged on the bed waiting for him to come up. She'd bought Lola up a little while ago to feed her and settle her and knew that Sam would come check on them eventually so she waited.

"Can I tell you something?" Polly whispered. She patted the bed and made him sit. "Actually I am not going to say anything and I don't want you to say anything, just feel." Polly reached for his hand and laid it on her chest. "Just feel this. Feel me."

Sam closed his eyes, his breathing was slow and steady and he rested his head on her shoulder. "Do you feel it?" Polly played with the hair that curled around his ear.

"Yes."

"I've got you Baby."

"I know."

"Fall if you need to fall Sam, I'll pick you up." And a few days later he fell and Polly and Lola picked him up.


	36. With A Zee

Polly completely ignored the sharp look she got from the blond as she threw her arms around Gus from behind and kissed his cheek. She had spied him across the crowded room and noticed the blond that was all over his like a rash so decided to have a little fun with her brother. Gus grabbed her hands and held them there. "Hey."

"Surprise."

"What are you doing here?" Gus asked a little hysterically. He wasn't expecting Polly to turn up at the same bar they were at because they rarely went out at the moment, it was just too hard with Lola and weekends were precious for them to spend time together as a family. Tonight though Sam had farewell drinks for a colleague from work and it was just coincidence that it was at the same bar Gus was at.

Polly thrust her hand at the blond once she had let Gus go. "Hi, I'm Polly." She gushed, still with her arms around Gus which was obviously annoying his companion judging by the sour look on her face.

Gus wasn't prepared for this, he had been seeing Jazmine for only a couple of weeks and while it was hot and heavy and she was very pretty he was just enjoying the between the sheets action and having some fun. Getting serious was the furthest thing from his mind and precisely why he had no intention of introducing her to his family. Polly suddenly turning up threw a spanner in the works.

"Hi." She hissed slightly and Polly noticed a little curl of her lip, Gus did also and he turned away slightly to hide his smile. He knew what was coming. "I'm Jazmine, with a Zee."

Polly did her best not to laugh and Gus rolled his eyes, it was annoying as all fuck and Polly was going to have a field day. "Nice to meet you Jazmine." Emphasising the Z. "Gus can you buy me a drink please…." Polly begged as she pulled up a stool next to Jazmine and she could feel the waves of anger peeling off the poor girl.

Jazmine leant over and ran her hand up Gus's leg. "I'll have another Margarita sweetheart." Polly saw the slight twitch on Gus's face.

"You better get a drink for Sam too." Polly added playfully before turning to the girl. "So, how do you know Gus?"

"We met a few weeks ago, he's such a sweetheart." The hand hadn't left Gus's leg and Polly did smile a little at the fake nails that perfectly matched her overdone make-up and very ample cleavage that was barely held in by her dress. You could barely call it a dress, it was short and tight and very shiny. Gus was such a sucker for a pretty face and hot body. He focussed on looks and ignored the rest lately and he seemed reluctant to change any time soon. Since he had split up with Olivia Gus had been pretty wild, he was definitely living up to his manslut reputation much to his family's frustration. Olivia had reined him in a little, she just got a bit too needy and Gus had baulked and ran. "How do you know him?"

"Oh, he's my brother." Polly put her out of her misery as she took the glass of wine from Gus.

"Gus never told me he had a sister." The look of relief on her face was amusing and Polly struggled not to laugh.

"Well that's no surprise. Gus is embarrassed by us, aren't you Angus?"

"Yes I am." Gus ran his hand over Jazmine's claw like fingers as it stayed on his leg, slowly working it's way higher and higher.

"Who's Angus?" So she was pretty and dumb. Polly couldn't wait until her Dad caught whiff of this one.

"Ah, that's me. Gus is short for Angus." He flipped Polly a hard look when she started to laugh and Polly took a mouthful of wine as Gus changed the subject. "Where is the Zookeeper?"

"Just over there." She waved her hand in Sam's general direction. "I am sure he'll work his way over this way soon. He's a little excited about being out."

"Well you never let him loose."

"True. If I am stuck at home with the little zookeeper, he can bloody well stay with me."

Jazmine looked a little bemused "Why do you call him a zookeeper?"

"My husband works at the Zoo, he's a zookeeper and a bit of a celebrity in the animal kingdom or at least he likes to think so." She spoke slowly so that Barbie could understand and that annoyed Gus a little. Polly was always a bitch to his girlfriends in the beginning, she loved to test them out.

Sam eventually made his way over to join his wife and was happy to see Gus, like he always was when alcohol was involved. His eyes just widened and he shot Polly a bemused look when Jazmine introduced herself, with a Zee.

Polly struggled to like Jazmine, she was a bit bland and she wasn't sure if she was playing dumb or just acting a little helpless to try and impress Gus. She was a bit annoyed when she was left talking to her while Gus wandered off with Sam to meet some of his work mates. All she wanted to talk about was Gus and that got boring for Polly pretty quickly. When Polly asked her what she did, to try and change the subject it turns out she worked in a café. Gus was dating the woman who made his coffee and she wasn't working there and putting herself through college or Uni, that was it for her. Not that Polly was a snob, not by any stretch of the imagination but Gus was going to get bored very quickly, a warm body only kept him amused for so long and her Dad would eat her alive.

Polly made a mental note to ask Gus if she always introduced herself the same way, because if she did she wanted to make sure she was around when her parents met Jazmine, with a zee.

Her annoyance went way off the charts when Jazmine leant in and whispered after probably two or three cocktails too many. "Your husband is hot, like seriously how do you keep the women away?" She giggled. "Please tell me he goes all animal instinct in the sack? Like does he pretend to be a lion sometimes?"

"Yes I like him." Polly reached for her glass of water and ignored the rest. Jazmine with a zee needed to fuck right off.

"Sorry." She muttered when Polly glared at her. "I get a bit silly when I drink. Just having some fun, you should try it." She picked up her shot and knocked it back. "I hope you're not the at home in bed, flat on your back with the lights off type. A man like that.." she nodded towards Sam "…seems like he likes it a little wild."

Polly swallowed her bitchy reply and it felt like razor blades and her voice was dripping with sweetness while her insides boiled. "We have a toddler at home, one of us needs to be up early." Jazmine had already had a go at Polly for not drinking and ignored Polly when she declined another drink and ordered her a shot, which remained untouched on the bar.

"Fuck, that sounds like torture." Polly wasn't quite as drunk as this woman and she found her completely unfunny. Drunk or not Polly was pissed.

Her husband was well and truly on his way when he finally returned with Gus following closely behind. Polly was not driving but the last thing they needed was both of them to be hung-over in the morning and having to deal with a very demanding eighteen month old. Lola wouldn't care if they were feeling dodgy; she hit the ground running every day.

"It can be, she keeps us on our toes. Sam will regret this tomorrow." Polly rubbed his leg and he dragged his eyes away from the TV he had suddenly discovered and leant into his wife. "Won't you Baby?"

"What's that?"

"Regret this." She tapped his beer.

"Already am. Am I going to get lucky?"

"You'll be lucky if I don't leave you here."

"I'll look after him. I promise. We'll have some real fun." Jazmine looked a little too keen and even Sam wasn't so drunk that he missed her flirting, nor did he miss Polly's annoyance. He just laughed a little uncomfortably, rubbed Polly's back sweetly and went back to watching the TV before he said something un-gentlemanly.

When she left to use the Ladies room Sam turned his focus back to Polly and shuddered. "She was hitting on me wasn't she?"

"She thinks you are hot and hopes that I let you get a little primal, she'd be disappointed if I was a missionary girl."

"Baby, you are so far from missionary I can't keep up." Sam was never disappointed when Polly got her freak on, because he always benificary. "You think I am hot too."

"Yes, but I am not dating my brother."

"Fuck I hope not or this just got weird and uncomfortable." Sam grimaced and laughed a little too loud. He was clearly one drink away from disaster and Polly was keen to get him out of there otherwise Gus would have him doing shots until god knows what hour and Polly would have to deal with Lola and the child that Sam became when he was hung-over and she certainly wasn't leaving him here with the man-eater either.

"You know what I mean. Don't be feral." She looked at her phone. "Anyway are you ready? We need to let the babysitter go."

"Sure."

"Or I could leave you here and you can continue to be hit on by my brother's slightly neurotic new bit."

"No thank you. Fuck that." He jumped off his stool. "I can hit on you though."

"Just what I want." When Sam grabbed her around the waist Polly did little to stop him as he kissed her just as Jazmine came back from the bathroom. "You think you are smooth." Polly pushed him away playfully and hugged Gus, who was in a worse state than Sam.

"See you for dinner. Lola loves her Sunday nights with Uncle Bus; don't disappoint her. I told her that she had to stay at home tonight if she wanted to see you tomorrow."

"Sure." He muttered. Trust Polly to mention that because he knew Jazmine would be all over him now. This was why he didn't talk about his family too soon. Girls wanted to meet them and he already knew that his family would eat Jazmine alive.

Surprisingly Jazmine hugged Polly and then grabbed Sam and tried to hug him too, a little too closely for Polly's liking. She pulled on Sam's arm and he did at least look grateful that Polly had rescued him from her highly manicured clutches.

"What the fuck was that?" Sam sneered as soon as they got outside. "Seriously, what is Gus thinking?"

"I am not sure he is. You know Gus, he thinks with his dick most days."

"She must go off like a frog in a sock." He grabbed Polly around the waist while they waited for their Uber, sliding a hand down over her butt and pulling her flush against his body. "Bit like you actually. I'd like to put my frog in your sock right now."

"I bet you would." She pushed him away as the car pulled up. "Can you please stop? Be an adult not a slut."

"Ha, you love me slutty."

"Not when you are a slurry. You are drunk, it's not a turn on."

"I reckon Jazmine loves Gus a little slurry slutty." Sam actually laughed at his own joke, which amused Polly no end. He could be a funny drunk sometimes.

She laughed and grabbed Sam's face. "Shut up and maybe I will let you get your frog out at home, but…." She held her hand over his mouth when he went to speak. "…not another word."

"Bus, Bus, Bus." Lola literally squealed. She didn't have a lot of words but that one came through loud and clear and she bolted into the house and demanded to be picked up by her Uncle. She had already done the rounds of Pops and Mimi and got all the attention she desired.

Gus scooped her up and swung her high in the air, almost throwing her up against the ceiling and catching her in time to give her a big kiss. "Lola Bear. You are getting bigger every week. What do they feed you?" He hadn't seen her for a few weeks as he had been working the past few Sundays. She did answer him, he just had no idea what she said and Gus just laughed as he blew a raspberry on her neck and Lola giggled.

"Can't she talk?" Jazmine wasn't off to a good start.

"She's learning." Fortunately nobody else heard her, Lola had been listening for the door to open and taken off to greet her Uncle Bus while everyone else stayed outside knowing Gus would bring her back through with him and not particularly quietly either, they heard her laughing. Nonetheless Gus wasn't overly impressed with Jazmine. "She can say the main thing, my name, although she calls me Bus."

"Oh I guess that's cute."

He didn't want to bring her along but she had nagged him about coming and her pouting was annoying and he wasn't getting what he wanted until he agreed that she could come to dinner. He was pretty sure that Polly was less than impressed last night but he hadn't talked to her all day and by the look on her face when they came out told him a lot. She was unimpressed.

"Mommy, Bus here." Lola charged out ahead of him.

Kim and Adam were surprised to say the least when Gus introduced them to Jazmine. As far as they knew Gus wasn't seeing anyone serious, he seemed more content with a string of one-night stands. At least she didn't drop the 'with a zee' and that disappointed Polly a little, she wanted to see her Dad's reaction.

"Hi Jazmine, it's nice to see you again." Even Sam smiled at how formal she sounded, Polly hadn't held back this morning and Sam was a little taken aback. Sure, he was feeling a little worse for wear but Polly didn't care as she paid out big time. How dare she try and hit on her husband? And Gus was right there! Her opinion had certainly deteriorated overnight. "Can I get you a drink?"

Polly disappeared inside to grab another bottle of wine and a glass and Kim followed her. "So?" her mother didn't need to say much else.

"We met her last night when we went out and bumped into Gus." Polly shrugged. It was up to her mother to make up her own mind, it wasn't Polly's place to put any preconceived ideas into her head.

"And?"

"She seems nice enough." She lied smoothly. "You know Gus, hot body not much between the ears."

"Every week I hope he meets someone nice, every week I am disappointed." Kim lamented. She asked Polly to grab the salad stuff from the fridge. Polly offered to make the salad and told her mother she should go back out and play nice and save poor Lola from 'Jazmine with a zee.' Polly also slipped in the fact that she was probably wanted to go make sure she wasn't trying to hook up with her Dad at this very moment.

Kim looked at her strangely and Polly just shrugged and started to rinse the lettuce. "It will seem strange that we are both in here."

Kim pushed a smile onto her face when she went back outside. Lola was holding her Pops attention, probably a little too intently, basically Adam was trying to ignore the dumb blond that Gus had bought home while Jazmine was virtually sitting on Gus's lap and Sam was as far away as possible. "Mimi…" Lola clapped her hands and climbed into Kim's lap as soon as she sat down "…drink?"

"Oh how cute is she, does she want a wine." Jazmine held out her glass towards Lola and laughed as Lola cowered away from her. She was at the peak of separation anxiety and wary of anyone new and this person scared her. To say Sam was impressed with the wine comment would be an understatement and he was even less impressed when she thrust her hand out at Lola again and giggled as she almost fell off Mimi's lap trying to get away from her. He shot Gus a filthy look and he knew it, he was kind of glad that Polly was inside because she would have said something and he was surprised that Kim and Adam held their tongues.

Sam jumped up and held out his hands for Lola and she was more than happy to be in her Dad's safe arms away from Jazmine. "Come on Chicken, let's go find you a drink and see what Mom's doing."

"What? I was joking." Jazmine looked a Gus who looked pissed off and Adam and Kim said nothing. "I know not to give a baby wine."

"Good to know." Adam spat out under his breath, which Gus heard but chose to ignore but it got Gus's back up for some reason.

"So you are a cop too?" Jazmine battled on and she seemed smart enough to realise that she had some ground to make up as she turned to Gus's Mom. "Who does Gus take after? He's obviously handsome like his Dad." She just couldn't stop herself and Kim was starting to see what Polly was on about when she smiled at Adam.

"Both of us I guess. He's got a little bit of asshole from me and a little bit of bitch from his mother." It was pretty clear that Adam did not like this girl one iota. He'd had plenty of ditsy blonds in his day, but it was about time Gus grew up and this girl wasn't going to be the one to do it.

"Ruzek genes run strong in this family. Even Lola has that Ruzek attitude." Gus was doing his best to keep the conversation running but it was hard work. This was precisely why he didn't want to bring her, she was just some fun for him and he knew his family weren't going to like her.

Polly was surprised when Sam stormed in to the kitchen with Lola. "What's up?" Lola held out her arms for her mother and she wiped her hands on the towel and took her.

"Jazmine is seriously dumb as a box of hair."

"Sam, that's a little harsh."

"I think it's generous." He yanked open the fridge and grabbed the jug of water to fill Lola's cup. "What would you know, you've been hiding in here?" Peering at the salad she was making. "I mean you never put that much effort into salad."

"I want it to be perfect for Gus's guest."

Sam laughed and leant in and whispered in her ear so Lola couldn't hear. "Fucking bullshit." He scooped Lola out of her arms and disappeared back outside with her drink. Yes, he was going to use his daughter as a human shield.

It went from bad to worse. Lola managed to spill her water down Jazmine's leg and she leapt up so suddenly it stunned Lola and made her cry. Dinner was painful with Jazmine just sitting down at the table and being waited on hand and foot and did not even lift a finger to help clear the table. She didn't move a muscle although she did manage to try and flirt with Sam, asking Polly if she found him hotter now that he was a father because she found men with kids a bit of a turn on and then giggled insipidly. Not even Adam was safe when she told him that she'd never been lucky enough to be pulled over by a good looking cop while she smiled at Adam. "You ever hooked up with someone you pulled over?"

"No." He couldn't even be bothered with a smart-ass reply.

"Just spit it out Pol." Gus followed her through to the kitchen with some plates once dinner was over.

"Not sure I have too." She dropped the salad bowl on the bench. "But if she tries to hit on my husband again I will snot her."

"It's your fault she's here."

"My fault? How? I am not screwing her."

"And that's all it was until you mentioned the dinner last night. What was I supposed to say?"

"Try No Gus. It's not that hard."

"Give it a rest." Gus was annoyed. He knew this would happen and if it wasn't his sister giving him a gob full it was going to be his mother. If he was lucky he'd avoid a lecture from his Dad. "I put up with Austin being a dick for two years, you can't even sit through one dinner."

"Do whatever you want Angus, but she can stay away from Sam."

"What, are you worried that Sam will like it?"

"Fuck you." She slammed the dishwasher drawer shut and stormed out of the kitchen and told Sam they were leaving. Lola was well and truly ready to go home as she was curled up on her Dad's lap. Polly had to try not to be narky at Sam, it wasn't his fault and he had not shown one skerrick of interest in Jazmine but she was shitty at Gus and that meant that Sam would cop some of it.

"So you and Gus?" he hadn't said a word until they were safely in the car.

"Nothing."

"Sure." He shrugged. "Yet you are pissed at me it seems."

"I am not pissed at you." Sam just drove in silence. He knew the best way to deal with Polly is let her stew on it until she was ready to talk. Occasionally he'd only let her go so long before he'd pull her up but she needed time. Jumping in feet first when they were scrapping was suicide.

Sam put Lola to bed while Polly jumped in the shower and she was just finishing up when he came in and took a shower himself. Polly leant on the vanity and cleaned her teeth as she watched Sam. "Jazmine?"

"What about her?"

"She was hitting on you, that's twice." And there it was, the reason she was shitty. She was jealous.

"So what? She's bat shit crazy." Sam turned off the taps and grabbed his towel. "Pol Sweetheart if anything it made my dick retreat back inside my body."

"Yeah?"

"Oh god yes." He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her flush against his body. "If you try hard enough I am sure it will come out of its hidey hole…" he dropped his towel "…just for you. It likes you."

"She is fucking nuts isn't she?" Polly lifted her arms over her head as Sam tugged her tank top over her head.

"So don't care right now." Sam picked her up so that her legs could wrap around his waist as he carried her back to the bed and Polly insisted on being on top. She so wasn't the flat on your back type.

Adam watched Kim cleaning her teeth. When she was pissed she went at them like a rabid dog and right now she was almost frothing at the mouth. It was amusing and he knew precisely what had got her so riled up and waiting for Kim to spit it out was like waiting for a volcano to erupt. It was spewing smoke all evening but that lava was close to the top.

"Well?" Adam was already in bed when Polly flicked off the bathroom light.

"I don't want to talk about it." She pulled back the sheets and was slightly amused to find Adam naked. "Put some clothes on. I don't want your pubes all over my clean sheets."

"I hate it when Gus pisses you off."

"Are you going to put something on?" Kim glared at him when he just settled back against his pillow.

"No."

"Fine." She flicked off the light and Adam just sat there and waited. "What the hell is he thinking?" And there it was, the volcano erupted. "I mean seriously Adam, you need to talk to him. She was disgusting. Polly was seriously pissed off; did you see her? That nightmare was flirting with Sam, who just looked angry, she was hitting on you and if she could have climbed into Gus's lap I am sure she would have and probably doesn't know what underwear is. Did you see her top? Of course you did, everyone did, probably saw her nipples too." He was glad it was dark because Kim would have slapped him if she saw his smirk. He loved her rants, well when she wasn't ranting at him that was. "And if she makes one more joke about giving my baby wine I will throw a set of cuffs on her. Are you going to say something or just sit there and smirk?" She hadn't even looked at him but of course she knew what he'd be doing.

"I think you've said it all."

"And?"

"Hopefully she won't last long, he'll get bored. He's just being young and stupid."

"He's not young anymore, for fucks sake he's almost thirty. He needs to grow up and stop being a slut." Adam agreed to talk to him but only if Kim stopped ranting right now and he worked hard but got her to forget all about their son's latest disaster and to stop worrying about messing up the sheets.

Adam tried to talk to Gus but he blew him off, she was a bit of fun, he wasn't serious and people needed to back off.

For that reason Gus dug his heels in a little. He was sick of his family butting in and giving their opinions on his love life. Ever since he broke up with Olivia they had been on his back. His mother couldn't believe that he dumped her not long after Charlotte was born and told his mother that Olivia wanted kids and he wasn't ready. It was a piss poor excuse and Kim told him as much.

Weeks later he was still seeing Jazmine and they just had to suck it up.


	37. All's Well that Ends

Batshit crazy was a good way to describe Gus's girlfriend. Nobody had liked her and for some reason Gus had dug his heels in and kept her around for a couple of months.

Polly did her best to grin and bear it, she wanted to see Gus and Lola loved him so she put in the hard yards. Sam didn't, he gave her another few chances and then just refused to go with Polly if he knew she was going to be there. It served two purposes; one he didn't have to put up with her inane dribble and two Polly didn't get pissed off because she kept flirting with Sam. While he never even reacted to her behaviour Polly would get annoyed and Sam always copped it, so he just stayed away.

Adam and Kim tolerated her, barely and nothing about it was easy but Gus was trying to prove a point, god knows what it was but they just had to ride it out. He had chosen this to be a stubborn assed mule about and for whatever reason he didn't seem to care what his family thought.

Eventually he admitted that she was nuts and cut her loose. While they were together she was constantly begging him for money, she was always broke and expected Gus to pay for everything and hated his friends and family and did her best to cut them off from him. He was pussy whipped and for a while he didn't care. She had trashed his apartment one day in an argument but the final nail in the coffin was when she hurt Lola and called her a little bitch. That made him finally snap.

"What the fuck are you doing and what the fuck did you call her?" Lola had been at Gus's house while Polly was at work and Sam was going to pick her up after he got off. Jazmine had turned up unannounced earlier than expected and was disappointed that he was baby sitting, hanging around home with the brat wasn't what she had in mind. She flopped herself down on the couch dramatically in a cloud of cheap perfume and sulked. Finding the kid here had killed her buzz.

Gus had gone to the bathroom and Jazmine obviously didn't hear him come back out and she was pushing Lola away from her. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as Gus rushed towards Lola "Go away you annoying little bitch." She snarled as Lola landed and hit her cheek on the table. Gus just about fell over himself as he scrambled to get to her as she got over her shock and started screaming. "Shut up." She really hated this kid and hated how much Gus seemed to like it and despite her best efforts he still wanted to see her and his family. Jazmine knew they hated her but they were a bunch of fucking snobs as far as she was concerned and she was enjoying the game.

"I was just playing with her."

"Get out." Gus snapped as Lola cried in his arms. He looked at the red mark already forming on her cheek; Polly and Sam were going to kill him. "Get the fuck out." He glared at her and she did shrink away a little, she wasn't expecting him to be so pissed. He'd never really got angry with her before and he was a little imposing, he seemed to grow a foot and tower over her all of a sudden. She remembered his Dad saying he got some asshole from him and bitch from his mother and she was seeing that right now.

"She just fell."

"She didn't just fall, you pushed her." Jazmine reached out a hand towards Lola and Gus turned his body away to protect Lola. "Don't touch her."

Gus was such a fun loving guy and not to mention hot and a little gullible. She could usually flip his mood with sex. She tried that again by starting to unbutton her shirt as she laughed. He couldn't keep it in his pants, not that she had any idea what she'd do with the kid while she had her way and quite frankly she didn't care, the kid could watch.

"I don't need to see your tits."

"Oh come on baby." She took a step towards him and attempted to grab the button on his jeans. "How about a quick blow. She won't notice." The more she spoke the angrier Gus got.

"I said get the fuck out."

"Gus, I'm sorry okay, I didn't mean to push the kid, and she wouldn't leave me alone."

"Are you still here?" The sound of Gus's raised voice had started Lola crying again and she buried her head into his shoulder and clung to him like a monkey. "Her name is Lola by the way and you are upsetting her, you need to go. Right fucking now. You are fucking lucky I don't call the cops."

"Oh precious little Lola." She waved her hands around, mocking him as she almost snarled Lola's name. "She can't even fucking speak properly, is there something wrong with her? I think she's a retard."

Something suddenly clicked with Gus. There had been some strange comments and behaviours over the last few weeks and it was all making sense now. The constant lack of money, the odd phone calls, the turning up in the middle of the night for a screw, the non-stop partying. "Are you high?"

"Why? You want some?" She sniggered. "Give some to the brat and maybe she'll stop being annoying."

"You are a fucking bitch. You may have a pretty face but by fuck you have an ugly fucking personality." He dumped Lola on the sofa much to her displeasure and she started wailing and scrambled down and demanded Gus pick her up. He ignored her and she threw herself face first into the couch and he hated it but he wanted this bitch out of his house and was worried that she'd try and do something to Lola if he didn't get her out of here. Right now Lola was safer where she was, behind Gus than in his arms and this bitch needed to go.

"Shut the fuck up you little bitch." She snapped at Lola as Gus grabbed Jazmine by the arm, shoved the bag she'd dumped on the table into her arms as he marched her to the door, opening it and pushing her into the hallway. Slamming the door behind her it startled Lola and she screamed even louder, she had slid down to the floor when Gus had left her and he dropped down to his knees and let her crawl into his arms. "Oh Lola Bear, it's okay. Gus is sorry for yelling." He rocked her and soothed her and it helped calm them both down.

"Bus." She sobbed, her little chest heaving sporadically. "Bus."

"It's okay Lola Bear." He looked at her face and mingled with the tears was the growing red mark on her cheek and he wasn't going to be able to hide it from Sam or Polly. He grabbed an icepack and sat rested it on her bump for a few minutes until she pushed it away.

Lying down on the couch, Lola rested her head on his chest and he rubbed her back until she stopped crying and eventually fell asleep. Gus snapped a photo of her sweet little face to assure himself that she was okay and closed his eyes. How the fuck did it come to this? How stupid was he? He had never hated himself as much as he did right now. Lola was everything to him and she'd got hurt because of him and he'd never forgive himself. The thought that he'd put Lola at risk was a bitter pill to swallow and a big wake up call.

When she woke the red mark was still there but she was happy enough and they sat on the floor and played with her puzzles. He gave her every little bit of attention and she lapped it up and had her giggling and laughing like she didn't have a care in the world.

"Oh, who's that?" Gus jumped up when they heard the knock on the door. He had to admit his heart was in this throat.

"Daddy." She dropped her toys and sprinted to the door as quick as her little legs could carry her and hugged her Daddy as soon as Gus let him in.

"How's she been?" Sam lifted her up and happily received his sloppy little kiss. It was the best part of his day, coming home to Lola because she was always happy to see him. At the end of a long day there was nothing better than a hug from someone who thought you were the stars. "What happened to her face?"

"She took a tumble, banged it on the table." Despite already feeling like utter shit, he actually felt worse for lying to Sam. Technically he hadn't lied but he had withheld a vital piece of information and he felt sick. "I put an icepack on it for a bit, which she hated."

"She's not a fan." Sam agreed. "Oh Chicken. You won't be invited back if you keep giving Gus grief." Lola was squirming in his arms; she'd had enough cuddles and needed to get back to her toys. When Sam put her down she held his hand and dragged him over to her stash.

"Beer?" Gus headed towards the kitchen. He grabbed two beers and held one out to his brother-in-law, which Sam was more than happy to take. It had been a long day at work. He'd had a group of high-risk kids to entertain for the day, they were ratbags but he did love that it was program that Polly had worked hard to get up and running when she was at DCFS. Polly was working at a fundraiser tonight so he was up for dinner and bed duty and while Lola was playing he was more than happy to hang out with Gus. He'd missed spending time with him, they'd always hung out, had a few drinks, watched sport and a lot of laughs.

"We should grab some pizza or pasta or something. Lola loves pasta at the moment." Sam noticed Gus's slightly uncomfortable look. "Unless you have someplace to be, we can go?"

"No stay. I'll enjoy the company." Although the longer Sam stayed the more likely he was to spill, it was eating away at him.

"No hot dates?"

"Nope." He jumped up and grabbed another beer, which Sam declined. Gus reached for his phone when it buzzed, took one look at the number and rejected the call, the tenth one in the past hour. Tossing it back on the bench he took a long swig of the beer while Sam watched him from the corner of his eye as he helped Lola with her blocks.

"What's up Bud?"

Gus tried to wave him away; he didn't want to have to admit that he'd been a dick keeping Jazmine around just to prove a point. The straw that broke the camel's back was Lola and although she wasn't badly hurt it didn't matter, he'd been stubborn and Lola had been caught in the crossfire and he hated himself because of it. Sam was happy to ignore it until Gus finally just spewed it all out.

"Jazmine was here earlier." Sam didn't say anything; he just sipped his beer and swallowed the dread that rose up inside him. This wasn't going to end well; he just knew it. "She pushed Lola over and called her a bitch."

"The fuck she did?"

"I am sorry man, Lola banged her face on the table. I just came out of the bathroom and caught the end of it. I told her to leave." Gus was struggling to stop himself from losing it. "Man, I hate myself. I never thought she'd hurt Lola, I didn't know she was like that. I am so fucking sorry."

"I should bloody well hope so. Polly will lose her shit."

"I know, Sam that's it. I'm done with her. Nobody touches Lola." Sam didn't say anything; he had nothing to add right now, nothing pleasant anyway. He knew he was swearing too much around Lola but he didn't really care at the moment. He was furious and when he got angry he swore a lot. "I think she was high."

"Fucking hell Gus."

"I swear I had no idea she was into drugs. I've never seen it before; she never said anything. I swear if I had known she would have been long gone. I am not doing that shit, it's my career man."

"Right now I don't give a fuck about your career. Your fucking high girlfriend abused my daughter." While Sam was angry he tried his best to try and stay in some kind of control. He wanted to grab Lola and leave but despite being seriously pissed at Gus he could see that Gus was devastated and he was angry as hell.

"Ex Girlfriend. I'm done." Gus picked at the label of his beer, flicking the edge back and forward. "Are you going to tell Pol?"

"If you tell me it's done and that she will never be around Lola again I won't say a word. Polly will lose it, at me and you and I'd rather keep my balls thanks." Sam tapped the beer bottle on his leg. "She will freak out about her face anyway, perhaps if we leave it at she fell Pol will not rip your head from your body."

"I don't even want to see her again. Even to give her back any shit she's left here." Gus wiped his hands over his face. "I hate myself right now."

"You are not exactly top of my list either."

Lola chose that moment to try and climb into Gus's lap. "Bus. Read." She handed him a book and Sam felt his anger dissipate a little. Lola adored him and he knew Gus would feel like utter shit, he could see it written all over his face.

"You know if you start seeing her again you won't see us?" Sam didn't feel bad about threatening Gus not when it was about protecting his daughter. He loved Gus, but this involved Lola. "Ever."

"You know I'd do anything for Lola?"

"Yep, I do." Sam decided to keep it between the two of them; Gus was seriously stressed out. His phone was blowing up with calls and messages so telling Polly, who would tear strips off him once she'd reamed out Sam, wasn't in anyone's best interests right now. He would however throw him under the bus if he got a whiff of Gus hooking up with her again.

Sadly it didn't end there, not by a long shot. She turned up at his apartment in the middle of the night, screaming and screeching at the top of her lungs. Gus didn't open the door; he called CPD and let them deal with it. As far as she was concerned he wasn't home. She made complaints about him harassing her to CPD, which were disproven. The photo he'd taken of him and Lola that afternoon blew one of her stories out of the water. She had claimed that Gus had abused her and turned up with a black eye. Unfortunately she hadn't noticed the CCTV cameras in the lobby of his apartment block and they saw her walking out without a mark on her and the time she claimed it happened Lola was asleep on Gus's chest. He did not respond to a single message from her so his call logs blew more of her complaints up, as did his work rosters and the GPS on his phone and in his patrol car when she desperately tried to get something to stick. She rang up CPD and claimed he was stalking her, unfortunately for her Gus was the other side of Chicago at a major traffic incident at the time. Jazmine, with a Zee was becoming annoying as all fuck to CPD as well as Gus and it took all his willpower, and a very humbling dressing down from his Dad for him not to respond. Sergeant Ruzek didn't hold back.

It wasn't over though and Jazmine turned up at the bar where Gus and Sam were drinking after a baseball game and started screaming at the top of her lungs. Gus grabbed Sam by the arm and dragged him out of there before things went really south, he was so close to smacking the bitch in the face especially when she made some comment about Polly. Gus was actually scared, not for her but for Sam and how angry he was. They always knew Sam had a little bit of mongrel in him if he was pushed far enough. He could get himself into serious trouble and Polly would kill him if he got arrested over his psychotic ex girlfriend.

After that Polly found out about Lola and the shit hit the fan, big time.

"Enough." Polly slammed her hand onto the couch. "Enough. Why the fuck is Gus ignoring this? He bought her round, he needs to stop being so gutless and deal with it." Sam had told her about the scene at the bar. She was surprised they were home so early after the game but once they left the bar neither of them felt like a drink. Gus had been weird around Polly the past few weeks and had kept his distance, she'd asked Sam about it but he just shrugged her off and even when she called Gus he claimed he was busy at work.

"He refuses to talk to her and I don't blame him. She's fucked in the head." Polly knew this; they had talked about why he needed to not have any contact with her at all. He was being watched after all her complaints to CPD and Adam made sure Gus understood every single word of his warning; his career depended on it.

"Well yes obviously but this is bullshit, is she stalking Gus now? I'll fucking take her on if he won't stop."

"Just leave it alone Pol."

"Why? Like you did? You are as gutless as he is."

"You wanna stop now?" Sam needed to be out of this conversation before they both said things they'd regret later.

"You never said a word to her, even when she was hitting on you." Polly was still pissed about that. She was constantly eyeing off Sam and he hated it but just kept his distance. He chose to stay as far away as possible and avoided any family occasion like the plague if she was going to be there. "Why didn't you tell her to fuck off today?"

"Because I'd fucking kill her if I spoke to her. Gus dragged me out of there before I snapped." As soon as the words came out of his mouth Sam wished he could take them back. "I've never hit a woman but I'd happily hit the one that hurt my daughter, I wanted to slam her fucking face into the bar."

It took Polly a few seconds to decipher what Sam said and she literally screeched. "What?"

"Nothing."

"What the fuck Sam, what the fuck did you say? She hurt Lola? When?"

"Don't worry about it." He knew he was screwed. "It was nothing."

"Don't fucking lie to me."

Sam sighed. "She apparently pushed Lola away and she fell and then called her a bitch."

"When?"

"The day Gus gave her the flick. When you dropped her off with Gus before I picked her up."

"Why the fuck am I just hearing about this now? Is that why she had that mark on her face? You told me she just fell over."

"Lola was okay, she was upset and had a little bump and Gus lost it and kicked her out. He was furious and he was heartbroken that Lola got caught up in it. We talked about it and I decided to not tell you."

"You decided not to tell me that that fucking bitch abused my daughter."

"Yes." It wasn't going well for Sam, just like he anticipated although the fact that he'd kept it from her for a few weeks wasn't helping him right now.

Polly glared at him and Sam had never really seen her that angry, she actually looked like she was about to pop a gasket. "How dare you?"

"Trust me, you are not the only one who was angry. Our daughter, by the way." Sam reached for the remote and turned the TV off and pushed himself up off the couch.

"What?"

"She's my daughter too."

"Then protect her." He understood why Polly was on the edge, he'd been there himself but he didn't regret not telling her.

"I am."

"You are not doing anything."

"Yes I am, Polly I am staying out of jail because if I talk to her I don't know what I'd do and Lola needs me to be here with her everyday." When Sam walked out of the room she finally got it. Sam wasn't like her Dad, he would've just told it to her face and not held back but Sam was more restrained but that didn't mean that he was any less protective.

Polly took a few minutes to digest everything and calm down a little before she followed him upstairs. She still wasn't sure which way she was going to go, she was still angry. She was angry with Gus and furious at her husband. When she found him leaning on the side of Lola's cot watching her sleep the knot in her gut loosened. "Sam, babe…" he didn't even look at Polly as she came and stood next to him.

"I love her Polly, more than life itself. If I thought she was in danger I would fight to the death for her."

"I know Sam, I know." She rested her hand on his, rubbing her thumb back and forth over his knuckles. Even in the darkened room she could tell by the slump of his shoulders that Sam was devastated.

"I hate that you doubt me."

"Babe, I don't doubt you. I was just shocked and angry. You had time to deal with it, can't I have that?"

"Fair enough." Sam laced his fingers through Polly's and she leant into him and rested her head on his arm. "She's beautiful isn't she?"

"She is." Polly tugged on his hand. "Come on Babe. Let's leave her be."

While Sam had a shower Polly called Gus, she knew she should have waited until she calmed down but like a Ruzek she jumped in feet first.

 _'What the fuck Gus? That fucking bitch hurt Lola? I can't believe you let that happen, how dare you. Just because you were getting fucked three ways from Sunday you didn't give a shit about anyone else and Lola, your niece was collateral damage. Fuck you.'_ She barked into his message bank. She had no idea why he didn't pick up, he wasn't working, she knew that because he'd been out with Sam so he was obviously avoiding talking to her and that pissed her off even more.

Polly sat and waited for Sam to come back down, she hadn't turned the TV on and had made herself a cup of tea. He grabbed himself a whiskey and eased down next to Polly and closed his eyes. "Sam, what are we going to do about Jazmine?"

"What do you mean?"

"She can't get away with this."

He rolled his head to the side and looked at Polly "Get away with what? How many times have we knocked her over, or called her a bitch for that matter, because some days she is a bitch? How many times has she fallen and bumped her head?"

"It's not the same."

He knew it wasn't the same but rationally they both knew there was nothing to be gained from taking it any further, that was just going to prolong her interference in their lives. She wanted Gus to man up and do something about it rather than hide behind his job though. There had to be some payback for this, she couldn't get away scot-free.

"Well Gus fucking well created this mess because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants, why should we suffer? Why should Lola be the only one that gets hurt?" Sam wasn't surprised at her outburst; she had to let it out. "He's a fucking idiot and he let my daughter get hurt." She noticed the slightly annoyed look on Sam's face. "Sorry, our daughter. Why should I give him a free pass?"

"Lola is okay Pol, I made damn sure of it, and by the time I got there she was happy, she loves Gus. Gus was devastated, he hated the fact that Lola was caught up in it and he was angry and upset. Trust me, Gus was guttered and not because it was over with Jazmine, because he felt like he let you down."

"He did."

"Come here." Sam beckoned Polly closer when she started to cry. He set his drink aside and let Polly crawl into his arms. "Lola is okay sweetheart, she wasn't badly hurt, she doesn't remember at thing. Gus loves her so much, just remember that."

"I know." Polly let Sam calm her down with his soft, steady caresses. "I called Gus."

"Of course you did." He wasn't surprised. "And?"

"I am not sure he'll like the message I left." They both chuckled a little, not that any of this was funny. "I'll apologise to him tomorrow."

Polly was shocked when she let herself into Gus's apartment the next day. She'd knocked and got no answer so used her key to open the door.

"What the fuck?" Polly gasped. "ANGUS."


	38. Call 911

"Angus." Polly screamed as she literally dropped Lola on the floor and rushed towards her brother's crumpled body. "Angus. Oh God, Angus."

Placing one hand on his back she was relieved to feel him breathing and she dropped her head in relief and took a deep breath herself. Down on her knees she bought herself down level his swollen bloody face. "Angus. Look at me." She begged him. "Angus." It was funny how she reverted to his full name when she was panicked.

Painfully he opened his eyes momentarily and tried to speak but nothing came out. Lola was suddenly at her Mom's side. "Bus." She cried his name and Polly suddenly remembered that she was there with her. She grabbed Lola, dragging her away from Gus and scrambled for her phone and called 911. Rushing to his front door she screamed for help before calling her Dad.

"Hey Sweet Pea."

It took one single word and Adam was up out of his seat, his heart was in his throat. "Dad."

"What is it Polly?" His joy at hearing his daughter's voice was short lived.

"It's Angus. I'm at his place he's on the floor. Oh fuck."

"Polly what? WHAT?"

"He's bleeding, I think he's been bashed. I think he's dying."

Adam felt all the air leave his lungs. Sure he'd been hurt more times than they could count and he'd come home with black eyes, broken noses and he had no idea how many stitches he'd had but he never wanted this phone call about Kim or his kids. "Call 911."

"I have, they are on their way. He opened his eyes; he's alive. Dad hurry." Polly was hysterical as Gus's neighbour came to help. She took Lola, who was also screaming and Polly barked at her to get her out of here as she knelt beside Gus. Polly had met Mary a few times and she was always lovely and kind but Lola was upset because her Mom was crying and didn't want to leave her Mom.

Adam was hauling ass. His team wordlessly followed him with just a flick of his wrist. "I'm coming Polly. Stay with Gus." Polly wasn't leaving his side; she held his hand as she knelt beside him watching him struggle to breathe.

"Dad." She choked out. "Please hurry."

Adam could hear voices in the background. "Who's that?"

"CPD and the paramedics are here." It was a few minutes of chaos. "Help him please." Polly begged the other people in the room and Adam was struggling to follow along but he didn't want to hang up either.

Polly was talking to someone else, it sounded like the cops so Adam just listened for a few minutes but he could tell Polly was getting way out of control and repeating the same thing over and over again, she just kept repeating that she just got here and found him on the floor so he asked to talk to one of the cops and told them to back off for a few minutes and he'd be there shortly.

When he charged through the door Gus was being loaded onto the trolley. He grabbed his hand and leant in close as Gus squeezed it weakly. "Hang tough Bud, love you and we'll see you at Med." He waved them through and turned to Polly who fell into his arms when her legs finally gave out.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. I got here and I knocked and he didn't answer so I let myself in and he was just lying there. Dad is he dying? I thought he was dead."

"Shhh…. This is Gus, he's tougher than that." He was watching his team comb the place over his shoulder. Polly was shaking and he could feel his own heart thumping wildly. "When did you talk to him last?"

"I rang him last night, he'd been out with Sam yesterday and they came home early because Jazmine turned up at the bar they were at and created a scene. I yelled at him, it was in a message." She rambled. "I was angry but I didn't mean it, I shouldn't have called him, I should have talked to him face to face but I was so angry."

"Why?" Adam was finding it hard to follow what Polly was talking about.

"Because Sam told me that Jazmine had abused Lola and I fucking lost it. He didn't answer. I was yelling at him and he was probably dying on the floor." Polly sobbed.

"Oh sweet pea." This was news to Adam, what the hell was she talking about Jazmine abusing Lola? He'd get to that later, but it gave them a bloody good place to start and his blood was boiling already. "We will figure it out. Come on let's go to Med. Where's Lola?"

"With Mary next door."

"Go get Lola, I just want to talk to the guys." She pushed Polly out the door and then barked orders at not only his team but also the uniforms that were still buzzing about. They needed to track down this Jazmine bitch and bring her in, if she didn't come quietly he didn't care and he was happy to have her in his cage. He was reminded that it wasn't his case, Intelligence were not required at this stage but Adam was having none of that, he at least demanded that his team help and he be kept in the loop. When one of your own cops was a victim it was all hands on deck and for Intelligence it was very personal. This was Adam's son and there was no way he was going to walk away from the case and let people he didn't know handle it.

Polly and Lola were waiting for him to drive them to Med. Mary had offered to keep Lola but Polly needed her with them. After what happened with Jazmine Polly wasn't keen to leave her with anyone and she was keeping her sane. "Have you called Mom?"

"Not yet." He ran his hand over his face wearily. "I just want to see Gus first."

"Dad, I'm sorry."

"What for Sweet Pea?"

"I don't know." The tears that had threatened to start falling again tumbled down her cheeks. "I'm scared."

Adam reached for his daughter's hand. "Polly, this has nothing to do with you. You didn't know. Let's just focus on Gus, okay?" He squeezed it tightly. "I'm just glad you went to see him today."

They got just a few minutes with Gus before he was taken for an x-ray. He had a suspected fractured jaw and eye socket, broken ribs and one shattered hand, where it looked like it had been stomped on and internal bleeding from a bladder injury, which would require surgery urgently. His left lung had been re-inflated after it collapsed and he had multiple cuts and contusions. He'd copped a fair beating.

"Hey Darlin'." Adam took a deep breath. He'd stepped outside while Gus was having his x-rays. The room was hot and he was starting to calm down a little after the initial adrenaline rush and needed the fresh air.

"What's up?" It was unusual for him to call her during the day, particularly so early. They often touched base late in the afternoon just to work out dinner, when Adam would be home and any plans they had.

"Darlin', I'm at Med with Gus."

"What happened? Is he okay?"

"No, not really. Baby you need to come down. He's been assaulted."

"Oh god, Adam."

"Polly found him at home. Baby, I need you to come down now. He needs surgery. If you want to see him before he goes in you need to get here soon." He wasn't going to sugar coat it; there was no point. If Kim turned up and found Gus in the condition he was in she would kill him.

"Adam."

"Kim, he's in bad shape but he's going to be okay."

While Adam was talking to Kim Polly called Sam. If her Dad had been calm talking to Kim, he was almost cop like the same couldn't be said for Polly, as soon as she heard Sam's voice she was a blubbering mess and it was only having Lola with her that was keeping Polly somewhat together. Adam did suggest that Polly take Lola out to the waiting room while they were preparing for Gus to go into surgery but she refused to leave him.

Lola didn't seem worried about anything. She was either cuddling up to her Mom or talking to her Pops while they waited for Kim and Sam to arrive. At one stage she did lean towards Gus as Adam was holding her. "Bus. Up." She reached out for him and that started Polly off again.

Gus was back from x-ray and woke up briefly, he couldn't speak but Adam wiped the tears that trickled over his bloodied and swollen cheeks. "I love you Angus." He whispered as Gus closed his eyes again but he held onto his Dad's hand and refused to let go.

"Oh God Angus." Kim flew through the door and ignored everyone as she rushed to her son's side and Adam stepped aside and let his mother take his spot. "Oh Baby." He tried to smile as Kim reached for his hand and squeezed it and kissed his forehead. "What are you doing here?"

Adam just stood behind her and rested his hand on her back while she comforted Gus, letting her know that he had her back and he'd catch her if she needed him too. She could tell Gus was in pain and suffering both physically and emotionally. He may have been and adult but he just needed his Mom right now. Kim went with him when he was taken up for surgery while Adam took Polly and Lola up to the waiting room and that's where Sam found them.

Lola saw him first and broke away from Kevin, who had arrived after he'd heard over the radio that Gus Ruzek had been taken to Med. Lola had literally squealed when she saw Kevin, he always threw her around like a rag doll and she loved it. "Daddy." He caught her as she flung herself at his legs and Sam scooped her up just as Polly dissolved in a flood of tears in his arms.

"How's Gus?"

"I don't know. I got to Gus's and he was just lying on the floor. I thought he was dead."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know, they think so."

"What happened?" Polly had tried to talk to him on the phone but he couldn't understand half of what she was saying. He knew, he'd learnt over the years that Polly did not cope well with stress and when people were hurt. Abbey had spun her out and ended in the worst way possible and Polly always imagined that the same thing was going to happen.

"I don't know, I just found him like that. Dad is talking to someone now."

"I hope they are looking at that fucking Jazmine bitch?"

"Sam, can we not keep swearing, please?" Lola had heard enough foul language today already. Her Pops had let lose at one stage when he wasn't getting the desired response from the medical staff and Lola had cowered in Polly's arms as Adam flew into a rage. He hated that and spent the next half hour getting her back on side.

It was a long few hours while Gus was in surgery. Sam had called his mother to get her to come and pick up Lola. She was tired and cranky and she had fussed around swapping from sitting with her Mom and her Dad to try and keep herself awake and she was getting cranky. They had already visited the cafeteria and the vending machines and Lola had reached her limit but Polly refused to leave until Gus came out and Sam wasn't leaving Polly here alone. He could tell that Polly was getting frustrated with Lola. When she sat on her lap and cuddled her she seemed to relax but as soon as Lola started fidgeting Polly would get annoyed and get Sam to take her.

"Right, you want to tell me about this abusing Lola thing?" Adam finally got back to Polly once Lola had left. She had refused to talk to her Dad about it while she was there, they had never talked about it in front of Lola, whether they thought she could understand it or not.

"Apparently she pushed Lola over, I don't know. I only found out about it last night." Polly was a little defensive. It had hit her like a tonne of bricks when Sam told her and she'd lashed out at Gus and now was chewed up with guilt. "Sam can tell you more."

Adam looked at him for answers. "A few weeks ago, the day Gus broke up with her he had caught her pushing Lola and calling her a bitch. He was furious and he kicked her out. Lola banged her face on the table." Sam would take Adam on if he had a go at him about Lola, make no mistake when it came to his daughter he'd fight anyone, even his father-in-law. "She turned up yesterday at the bar we were at, she was fucking insane. I told Polly about Lola and she called Gus and reamed him."

"She's lucky she's still breathing." Adam seethed. "Anyway, patrol have her on ice and are going through her phone and digital footprint. She's not too bright apparently. What time did you see her at the bar?"

"We got home around six so about five-ish."

"I called Gus just before nine." Polly added. "When did it happen?"

"Not sure yet. The doctors can only give us between Eight and midnight at a guess." Adam had to busy his mind with cop stuff because he was going insane. Kim was sitting with Kevin for a few minutes and that was keeping her occupied and she knew Adam was working, that's what he did best. The last thing she needed right now was to listen to this crap, and that's what it was, it was all crap. He was pissed that Gus was such an idiot about this girl, he'd tried to talk to him about it but he was digging his heels in and it may just kill him.

Sam pulled Adam aside when Polly sat down with her Mom. "Look, I never told Polly the whole story." Adam looked annoyed; surely this was enough? How much worse could this nightmare get? "Not about Lola, that was all that happened with Lola I swear." Sam reassured him. "…but Gus reckons she was high that day, he didn't know on what but he swore that he had no idea. He wasn't going to wreck his career for her and he would have bounced her if he knew."

"Where the fuck did he dig this horror story up from?" Adam was exasperated, Gus had pushed him to the edge on more that one occasion in the past but he thought at 28 he'd be well past this shit.

They finally came out and told them that Gus was in ICU recovering and had come through the surgery well and was stable. He'd had a ruptured bladder and the repair was a success although he did have a catheter and would for the next 7 to 10 days. He had a shattered hand which was in a cast and plate to set his jaw and eye socket so they warned them that he was pretty much unrecognisable due to all the swelling and bruising and they let Adam and Kim go in first.

Kim was a mess and Adam held her up as she gently kissed his face and then sat on Adam's lap and rested her head on his hand on the bed. Adam rubbed her back with one hand as she cried. Kim crying over her children still sliced through him like a knife, even though they were adults. His other hand snaked through the bars of the bedrail and rested on his son's leg.

Polly was horrified when she found herself being questioned by some random uniform she had never seen before. He had wanted to ask her a few questions about the morning, which annoyed her because she'd done nothing but repeat the story over and over again. Her Dad had asked, Sam, her mother, the cops at the scene and suddenly this arrogant guy started on about the message she'd left. "You sounded pretty angry?"

"I was."

"I mean your daughter was hurt by your brother's girlfriend and he did nothing to stop it, right. I'd be angry?"

Sam caught onto it before Polly did. "What are you trying to say?"

"You must have been angry too, I mean your wife was upset, your daughter got hurt?"

"I was angry when it happened and so was Gus, he was devastated and he told her to leave. Why are you here? Polly has told you guys what happened this morning."

"I am more interested in what happened last night? Anyone other than your wife can verify where you were last night?"

"I was at home, with my wife and daughter." Sam had reached his limit. Why the hell were they being accused of hurting Gus? "Kevin, can you come here." He called his father-in-law's best friend. Kevin was in the gang unit now and had been for a few years but he was always there for Adam and while Adam and Kim were with Gus, Kevin was keeping an eye on things out here. "You want to get this idiot to back off from accusing Polly of doing this."

"Your wife is not a suspect."

"But I am right?"

"Whoa, hold up." Kevin stepped in between the uniform and Sam and placed one hand on the cop's shoulder. "Back up, what you doin' Bro?"

"My job."

"Your job is to find out who did this and you are wasting time here. I suggest you wrap it up before Ruzek finds out or you will be writing parking tickets for the next ten years." The uniform took a step back and held up his hands in defeat.

"Is there anything else you can tell us about the run in at the bar? Or this morning?" He softened his tone.

"No. I've told you everything. Now how about you go do your job and go ask that fucking bitch of a woman who did this rather than harass us." Sam led Polly away, she was guttered and Kevin dealt with the Cop. He made sure he got his name and badge number and he had no doubt he'd be hearing from Sergeant Ruzek in the not to distant future.

"Polly, honey. Just breathe for me." Sam knelt down in front of his wife. This day was going from bad to worse. Adam was going to lose his shit when he found out and Sam actually felt bad for the guy, he may have been doing his job but he chose the wrong family to try out his super cop skills on.

"Why? Why are they looking at us? I'd never hurt Gus."

"I know and so does everyone else. Ignore that idiot and focus on me." He made Polly look at him and got her to take a few deep breaths. It had taken Sam a while but he'd learnt how to calm her down, it just took a little patience on his part, which in the past he didn't always have.

Polly refused to leave until she had seen Gus. Sam had go back to work briefly, he'd left a few things up in the air and he picked up Lola and took her with him and then would come back and pick up Polly. He needed Lola around, she was the catalyst of all this mess and Sam had an irrational fear that someone was going to try and hurt her or get to her. For the first time he felt like Adam's constant reminders of the dangers of his job were coming home to roost and he couldn't shake it and he was going to keep Lola close.

"What the actual fuck?" Adam was pissed. He had come out to let Polly go in and see her brother and Kevin was filling him in. "Who the fuck was it?"

"I've got his details. Man, what's going on?" Kevin, while more than happy to dive in and help was confused as to what actually it was all about.

"Some shit. That crazy ass bitch apparently gave Lola a bit of a shove and called her a bitch. Gus cut her loose but she went down swinging. Sam didn't tell Polly until last night and Polly was upset and called Gus and abused the crap out of him. In all likelihood he was already smashed up. Polly went to see him this morning once she'd calmed down and found him." The more the thought about it the crazier it sounded. "Neither Polly or Sam had anything to do with this, yes they were upset about Lola but shit, this is Polly and Gus, they'd flash at each other and be done with it."

"I know. What you want me to do?"

"Nothing Bro, I think we've got it covered for now. Hey thanks Man, I appreciate you being here." They weren't afraid to hug it out.

Polly stood at the door; she'd been here too many times. She'd seen her Mom sitting beside a bed staring at the man lying in it like if she'd blink they'd be gone more than she ever wanted too. It wasn't her Dad this time but it still took all the air from her lungs. "Is he okay?" The words barely came out but Kim heard them, not that she moved her head.

"He will be." Polly finally moved and came and stood behind her Mom and wrapped her arms around her. Briefly Kim closed her eyes. "He is going to be fine."

"I need him to wake up. I need to tell him I'm not mad at him."

"Sweetheart, he knows." Adam had filled Kim in while they were sitting here with Gus about what had gone down. She had no idea any of this even happened. Sam and Gus had certainly kept it to themselves and she was annoyed with both of them until Adam reminded her that they were just trying to protect Polly and make sure Lola was safe. They didn't do it for any other reason, they both loved those girls and would move heaven and earth for them and that's what they were doing. Adam warned her not to be angry with Polly or Sam right now because neither of them needed it; they felt guilty enough when it wasn't their fault. Polly buried her head in her mom's shoulder and Kim slipped one hand up around her neck and held her head steady. "Polly Sweetheart, don't do this. Gus knows how much you love him. He'd understand."

"I'm scared."

"I know sweetheart, I am too but Gus is going to be okay. It's a little rough right now but he's okay." Kim found the will be positive. "He's so much like your Dad and you know how much of a fighter he is."

Eventually Polly pulled up a chair and sat and held Gus's hand. She talked to her Mom on and off but they didn't talk about the incident with Lola, Polly needed to not think about it for a while. She was happy when Sam sent her a photo of Lola with him at the zoo. Seeing her happy was one thing they all needed right now. Adam came back in while Kim took a break, she hadn't wanted to leave Gus but Adam insisted that she go outside and get some fresh air and try and eat something, Trudy had came in and was going to make damn sure she did as she was told.

"Mimi." Her eyes snapped open when she felt a hand on her leg and heard Lola's sweet voice. It was a nice break from Trudy's lecture, however well intentioned it was. Age and retirement had certainly not mellowed Trudy Platt and Kim was still grateful that she was in their life.

"Hello darling girl." She pulled her up into her lap and kissed her cheek. Say hello to Aunt Trudy. If one thing could bring a smile to Trudy's face it was Lola, for many years it was Polly and Gus and now Lola had stolen her heart.

Kim held her up and she kissed Trudy's cheek. "Where's your Daddy?"

Lola just clapped her hands. "Mimi." And pointed at Kim just as Sam appeared.

"How's Gus?" Sam slipped into the chair beside his mother-in-law. He greeted Trudy with a kiss even if the bloody woman still terrified him. The 'talking to' he got when he finally came back for Polly was epic and to this day Polly had no idea what was said and her 'chat' with him at the wedding was equals part hilarious and terrifying. It involved car sex, apparently something she was sure Polly's parents did far too often on stake outs, the fact that condoms work better out of the packet than in them and a startling lecture about how not to upset his new wife and in turn that wouldn't upset Trudy which was good for his longevity. "Is Polly still with him?"

"She is. I was ordered out for some fresh air. Do you want to go in and see him, I'll stay with Lola?"

"Sure." He didn't move for a minute and Kim was focussed on whatever Lola was trying to tell her and Sam just sat and listened. "How's Polly?"

"She's okay Sam, she's upset. I hope she isn't blaming herself for any of this?"

"Of course she is." Sam sighed, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs. He was anxious, about Gus and also about how Polly was going to cope. "It's Polly."

"Gus isn't going to blame her or be upset about the phone call. He loves Lola so much and I know he would have felt bad about what happened and expected Polly to react."

"Bus?" Lola piped up. "Bus."

"Can we talk about it later? I want to go and get Polly." Sam couldn't do this right now, not with Lola around. She'd been through enough today and the last thing he wanted was her to get upset because she couldn't see Gus. There was no way in hell he was taking her in there.

Polly had her head down on the bed when Sam arrived. Adam nodded at him and left them be for a few minutes. For a brief moment he just looked at his brother-in-law. He was lucky, Gus was awesome and they had always got along and since he'd been back they were as thick as thieves some days. This whole crap with Jazmine had strained things a little and Gus had noticed that Sam had pulled away and confronted him about it and he admitted that while Jazmine hitting on him didn't bother him, he just ignored it and found it weird and not at all enticing but it upset Polly and Sam hated that. Gus told her to back off but she hadn't, she was stirring Polly up and it pissed Sam off that Gus was too much of a pussy or too stubborn to end it so he just kept his distance.

This was shit though. He never wanted to see Gus hurt and man, judging by his swollen face, the guy was fucked seven ways from Sunday. It was the first time that Sam had seen him and he was in shock. They'd told him he was in a bad way but this was extreme and way worse than he imagined.

"Polly, Baby." Sam gently touched his shoulder and her head shot up. "Hey, it's okay." He was surprised at how panicked she looked. "It's just me baby."

"Where's Lola?"

"Just outside with your Mom and Dad and making Trudy actually smile." Sam helped her stand up and he slid into the chair and pulled her back down into his lap so she could rest her head on his shoulder and still hang onto Gus's hand. "How's he doing?"

"He was awake a little while ago, he's in a lot of pain."

"Has he said much about what happened?"

"No, he can't really talk. He's only really asked for Mom or Dad."

When he did wake he had looked at Polly and she had lost it when he cried and tried to reassure her with a squeeze of her hand, he couldn't speak but they understood each other. Adam and Kim just watched them, their two beautiful children and they were proud of the people they raised. All along they had always wanted their kids to be there for each other, to like each other and watching them now just reinforced what they always knew, Polly and Gus were all that and more.

"How do you feel?"

"I know it's not my fault, but I feel guilty." Both of them were surprised when Gus opened his eyes and squeezed her hand. He was listening to them and wanted Polly to know he didn't blame her. If only he could speak because he had to tell Polly that he was sorry he let her down because he failed to protect Lola. He loved that little girl more than life itself and it broke his heart when he realised what his stubbornness had done.

Polly jumped out of Sam's lap and leant over Gus and kissed his forehead, there was a tiny patch that wasn't bloodied and swollen. "I love you Angus." She wiped away one of her own tears that had splashed onto his face. "I need you to get better." He just squeezed her hand again. "Lola needs her Uncle Bus and I need my brother. You promised me you'd always be by my side. I'm holding you to that."

They stayed with him for a little while longer until Sam finally convinced her that they needed to take Lola home. Lola was so happy to see her Mom when they came out, she was sitting up between Mimi and Pops eating a banana and dropped it in her Pops lap and climbed down, wiping it over both of them as she did so when Polly came out. "How's she been?"

"Good as gold." Kim jumped up ready to head back in, she didn't want Gus to be alone for too long. "Is Gus okay?"

"Yep, he's sleeping right now. He was awake for a bit."

Polly noticed that Adam had pulled Sam aside and Sam was listening to him intently, no doubt about Gus's assault. It was frustrating that she was being left out of it but she assumed that had more to do with Lola being around than anything. She didn't understand much but she'd seen enough today, more than they ever wanted her to be exposed to. At eighteen months old they were starting to become much more aware of outside influences on their little girl.

Polly was quiet on the way home, they talked about dinner, Lola's day and just ignored the rest and it wasn't until Lola was in bed that Polly fell apart in Sam's arms. "Come here." He held out his hand to his wife as she came down after a shower, which she had taken while Sam put Lola to bed and as soon as he did Polly burst into tears. "Oh sweetheart."

"Why? I don't understand why?" That's what was hard to understand. Sure Gus had cut her off, told her to leave and completely ignored her but he left her alone and said nothing. He didn't deserve this, even when she made the complaint about him he said nothing.

"She was nuts, she was far more into drugs than any of us knew."

"Drugs?" It was the first that Polly had heard of this.

"The day it all went down she was high." He knew he had to come clean now, there was no point hiding anything from her anymore. "Gus had no idea, he's not into that shit, you know he's not. Even if nothing happened with Lola that day, once he knew she was using she was gone."

"Fuck Sam, and I left Lola with him."

"Yes, yes you left Lola with Gus and Gus would do anything for her, anything. You didn't leave her with Jazmine, you didn't know she was going to drop by." Sam tried to reassure Polly.

"Sam, it's Lola though."

"Baby this was weeks ago, Lola is fine, she's more than fine, she's our beautiful girl who continues to blow us away everyday."

"I know. Sam…" Polly just buried her head into his chest and sobbed, her chest heaved and he let her go, held her tighter, tangled his hand in her hair and pressed her head closer to him, closer to his heart. And he waited until she pushed herself up and wiped her face.

"Can I get you something?"

"Maybe just a cup of tea." Polly really didn't feel like eating. Sam had learnt not to push her too hard too soon with regards to eating. Knowing that it was the first thing Polly stopped doing when she was stressed so Sam was careful. While Lola was having dinner Sam just put a plate on the table for Polly and said nothing when she just picked at a few things. When Adam was injured and she was in the early stages of her pregnancy he wasn't as willing to ignore her lack of appetite, now he was more than comfortable to give her a bit of space and time.

Polly followed Sam into the kitchen and sat at the bench watching him make her a cup of tea and put some bread in the toaster. "What were you and Dad talking about?"

"He was just letting me know that they had Jazmine in custody and it was looking like she at least had a hand in it, she wasn't there obviously but her fingerprints are all over it."

"Who did it?"

"Her druggie boyfriends." Sam shrugged. "They bolted or are lying low, but they know who they are."

"Why was she so desperate to hang onto Gus? For what?"

"No idea. Maybe she thought he'd be a free pass if she could get him onside. It's not a bad thing to have a cop in your pocket if you are walking on the wrong side of the tracks."

"You've spent far too much time around my family." Polly chuckled at little; he was sounding like a cop. "Don't get any ideas about a change of career."

"Me? A cop, I am way too pretty for that."

"Sure, whatever." Sam slid her cup of tea across the table and without a word also placed a plate of toast in front of her. He liked her little rueful smile, she knew what he was doing. "Are you going back to work tomorrow?"

"Yep. Are you going to be okay? What time are you going to the hospital?" he didn't even need to ask if she was going, it was always going to be when.

"Early, before work."

"I'll drop Lola off at Mom's then." He said nothing as she nibbled at the toast while he grabbed the other piece for himself. If she ate one piece he'd be happy.

"Do you think it would be okay if she slept with us tonight?"

If that's what Polly needed to do to make sure Lola was safe and to ease her mind then he didn't object. "Sure. As long as it doesn't become the norm, I need space to work."

"You're funny." Polly leant across the bench and ran her hand up his arm as he was resting his elbows on the countertop talking to her. "You ate my toast."

"I'll make you some more." Sam made some more toast while Polly called her Mom to see how Gus was, he was still stable and sleeping before taking her tea and toast into the lounge, snuggling up to Sam and they tried to watch a movie. He knew she wasn't paying any attention to it but it didn't matter, it was the peace they needed after the chaos of the day.

When they went up to bed he grabbed Lola on his way past and she stirred briefly and settled down between both of them and Sam stayed awake until he was sure Polly was asleep before giving in with his two favourite girls within arm's reach.


	39. One Step At A Time

It wasn't quick or easy for Gus. He'd inherited far too many of his father's genes and unfortunately for everyone around him that meant he was a terrible patient. Polly actually laughed in her Dad's face when he had the audacity to whinge about Gus being an asshole.

"What?"

"He's a carbon copy of you." She snorted.

"I wasn't that bad."

"Which time?" Adam really wanted her to stop laughing at him. It wasn't helpful, he was letting off steam and Polly was being mean. Why did he raise such ungrateful kids?

"Where's my baby?" He grumbled. "At least Lola Bear loves me."

"Lola is asleep."

"Wake her up." Adam was joking, but seriously Lola wouldn't hang shit on him. She would stroke his delicate ego with the sheer fact her face would light up when she saw him and she would be all over him because he made her life fun.

Kim had taken Gus for his outpatient physio appointment and Adam waited at Polly's house and Kim was bringing him back there for lunch. He was desperate for a change of scenery and Polly had kept Lola away from him for long enough. He'd been home for a week now and was staying with his parents because he still needed help. Kim was obviously fussing over him like a mother hen and Adam was copping the brunt of Gus's frustration. Adam had warned him not to take it out on his mother, that she was doing her best and that she was entitled to 'mother' him.

"I know…" Gus rolled his eyes. "...because she pushed me out, right?"

While his facial swelling was subsiding he still couldn't eat solid foods because of the plate in his jaw and he'd lost a bit of weight so Polly was making him some wiz bang health smoothie that was an alarming shade of pink and Adam was concerned that he would have to drink it too. He made his concerns well known and had basically annoyed Polly since the moment he walked through the door so he was getting no love from her. Having Gus home and so incapacitated had been an eye opener and very frustrating for everyone, hence he was making Polly suffer right now.

Gus's bladder had taken longer than expected to heal and he'd spent an extra week in hospital because he needed to be catheterised every four hours to empty his bladder and couldn't go home until he had less than 10% of volume left in his bladder after voiding. Kim offered to do it for him so he could go home but Gus was having none of that. Gus couldn't do it because of his smashed up hand and Adam balked at the idea as well.

"I am not sticking a tube up my son's dick." He looked mortified when Kim suggested it, she would do whatever needed to be done to help her son, and she'd wipe his ass if she had too. Adam, on the other hand went on some hysterical rant, which was mildly amusing and very annoying.

"I just want him home, that will get him home."

Adam held up his hands. "Whoa, back up. What does Gus say?"

"He's not keen."

"Thank god. That's nasty Kim."

"He's your son."

Gus had been ridiculous enough when Kim tried to talk him into coming home. He flat out refused even listen to his Mom's suggestion. "No." Kim barely got the words out of her mouth.

"Gus, don't be stubborn." Kim argued. "I've seen it all before."

Talking about his penis with his mother was something he never wanted or imagined he'd have to do. It was bad enough that the nurses were constantly in sticking a tube up it; the thought of his mother doing it was mortifying. "Mom, I am not letting you anywhere near it."

"Well, what about your Dad?"

"No. Not happening." While slightly less embarrassing than his mother it was still too far out of his comfort zone and refused to even talk about it with his mother. He wouldn't even let her stay in the room when he was having it done. He could safely say his mother hadn't seen his dick since he was at least fourteen and that wasn't about to change now.

Adam was just as pathetic about it. "What if like, he gets excited while I am touching it? It's creepy. That's like incest or something."

"Adam…" Kim was exasperated; like father like son, she had always thought Adam and Gus were too similar and this proved it. "…You are worse than a teenager, seriously. It's your son and he needs help."

"But Kim..." He whined. "…it's like his dick. I can safely say I haven't touched it since he was two, so that's 26 years and I am happy to go another 26..."

"You won't live that long."

"Harsh Baby." He tried to grabbed her around the waist and kiss her.

"Fuck off Adam. Men and their dicks, you are all the same." She stormed from the room. "And..." She turned around quickly; she hadn't quite finished with him. "Seeing as you have this irrational fear of dicks and touching them or having people touch them how about I don't touch yours?"

"Now who's acting like a teenager?" Kim just flipped him the bird. "And you love my dick." He yelled indignantly at her retreating frame.

It didn't matter anyway; there was no way Gus was letting anyone touch his junk so he stayed in another week. By the time he was discharged he was peeing properly, although he had to make sure he went every three hours, was walking around slowly and existing on smoothies. He needed help to shower, which he preferred Adam do and even that was a stretch. They didn't talk about it, they just got the job done and Gus soon learnt how to do things with his right hand, as it was his left hand that was a mess. Unfortunately, like his Dad he was a leftie and they had chosen his lift to shatter by jumping on it.

Polly hadn't seen Gus for a few days, Lola had been sick with a bad cold and they kept her at home and away from Gus who didn't need a cold on top of everything else. In typical Ruzek fashion, man flu was almost a terminal illness and Kim didn't need that to deal with as well. He hadn't seen Lola since all this happened; Polly didn't think Gus looked good enough for Lola to see but she did promise that as soon as he came home she would bring her over but her being sick had changed those plans and he missed her like crazy. Her wild personality always cheered him up and her 'get well' card took pride of place in his hospital room.

He was also worried that Polly was deliberately keeping Lola away from him because of what happened and she hadn't forgiven him, despite Polly insisting that that wasn't the case.

Once Gus had recovered a little and was more alert he had a heart to heart with his sister. "Polly stop worrying." She was fussing over him, visiting him everyday and constantly apologising. "I don't blame you, I don't hate you and I don't care about the message. I haven't even listened to it." He'd asked his Dad to delete it; he didn't want to hear it. It didn't matter anymore.

"I was a bitch."

"You are always a bitch." He had tried to joke and it fell flat, Polly needed to relax a little. "I knew once you found out that you'd lose your shit, I lost my shit at myself and trust me your husband made it very clear what he thought. I was being stubborn and it almost ended in disaster."

"How did you not know she was into drugs?"

"She'd never used them around me I swear. I told Sam that, I wasn't ruining my career for her."

"What did he say to that?"

"He didn't give a flying fuck about my career." Gus certainly understood Sam's position and he was surprised he made it out of that conversation alive. "I let Lola get hurt and that's all he cared about. Me too, I'd do anything to change what happened."

Polly couldn't stand to see Gus beat himself up over it anymore. He'd suffered enough, they all had. "Well it could be worse?"

"How?" he lifted up his broken and battered hand. "I am in pieces and Lola got hurt."

"You could have knocked her up."

"Trust me, I may have been enjoying the horizontal action but Dad's almost daily lectures about condoms during my teenage years stuck with me. I was a poster boy for protection." It was one thing Gus was very particular about, he'd seen Max Halstead's nightmare life and other friends of his lumbered with unwanted kids and forever tied to women they didn't love, not to mention some horrible descriptions of STD's. Nope Gus Ruzek was a meticulous wrapper. He wanted to walk away from his numerous flings a clean man.

"Good to know."

"Didn't seem to have that effect on you though." Very rarely did Gus pass on an opportunity to hang shit on them for their unplanned pregnancy pass him by. "Although we got Lola from it so there is always that."

"Not the same. I knew I'd marry Sam one day."

"Speaking of Lola. You know I never wanted her to get hurt, I hate myself for putting her at risk."

"I hated you for a few minutes too." Polly nudged him lightly in the leg. "I hated Sam too fleetingly, I guess it was my motherly instincts. I know though how much Lola means to you. I love the relationship she has had with you since the day she was born, I love you two together."

"So are we done with this? We are good?"

"We are." And that was the end of it as far as Polly was concerned and it wasn't until Gus started to notice that she wasn't bringing Lola in to see him that he started to worry.

His conversation with his Dad wasn't quite so comfortable, not that he particularly enjoyed the one with Polly but they got there in the end and agreed to put it behind them. "Just spit it out Dad." Gus was waiting for it; his Dad had been pissed off since the moment he arrived.

"I've just spent two hours watching your piece of ass desperately try and throw you under a bus." Jazmine was going down swinging, she tried to point the finger at Gus, that he'd harassed her, stolen from her and pushed her around. Whatever she thought might stick she flung at him. Adam was watching from behind the glass and wanted to confront the bitch himself but he held himself in check. When she was being hauled out he opened the door to the observation room and just leant on the doorframe as she walked past and he did take some satisfaction in the slightly terrified look on her face. He couldn't touch her, her lawyer was pretty clued up and he'd had enough run-ins with her over the years, it didn't stop him from making sure she was having a few uncomfortable nights though while they decided whether to charge her or not. Not every lawyer in town hated Intelligence.

There wasn't a lot she could be charged with, she hadn't laid a finger on Gus but she was up to her eyeballs in it and they even threw around Child Abuse at one stage and that had freaked her out. What pissed Adam off the most was that when they asked her why she just shrugged and told them _'he pissed me off.'_ That was it, she was pissed that he chose his family over her.

"I did nothing wrong."

"No? Should I mention Charlotte?" Adam finally snapped. "Your niece? Remember her, she's the cute little girl who got caught up in your mess because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants."

"I don't need you to tell me I fucked up. I know, I knew it the moment it happened and I've beat myself up over it. Sam told me, Polly told me. I get it."

"When the fuck are you going to grow up? This screwing around is getting old Gus."

"You did it."

"I was eighteen, not twenty eight." The more Gus argued back the more it pissed Adam off. "And I never hurt anyone else. It's Charlotte Bud, you've got look out for her because she can't look out for herself. Polly and Sam trusted you with Charlotte and you let them down, you let me down and your Mom."

"I know, I know alright." They had no idea how much he regretted what happened. Even the night it all went down he barely slept, he hated himself and even though Sam agreed to not tell Polly it was eating away at Gus. Adam was unmoved by his obvious emotion. "What do you want me to say?"

"That you'll start using the head on your shoulders instead of the little one in your pants."

"I guess you are happy, I obviously got what I deserved." He waved his hand around his face.

"Don't be an idiot Gus. That's not what this is about. Just think Bud, that's all I am asking."

"It's all I've done."

Adam had said his piece, Kim would no doubt ream him out if she knew but Gus wasn't likely to say anything. He leant forward and grabbed Gus's hand. "I love you Angus. Okay?"

"I love you too Dad."

Adam jumped up from the table where he was watching Polly prepare lunch when they heard Lola start to stir. She was calling out for her Mom, it was always cute when she woke and they could hear her through the monitor calling out for them, 'Mom, wake now.' Or 'Dad, I get up.' Whoever she could get a response from. "I'll get her."

"Don't forget to change her?"

"You know I managed to get your through your early years in one piece." Adam rolled up his sleeves. "Even changed your cute little tush a few hundred times." A few minutes later Polly could hear them through the monitor.

"Lola Bear." Adam sang. "Pops is here to save you." Lola shrieked. She had no idea her Pops was here and by her response it was the best surprise ever.

It was fun listening to them together, Lola wasn't really saying much that made any sense but it was cute and she could hear her giggling all the way down the stairs and she didn't even blink an eye at her Mom when they came into the kitchen, she was way too excited to have her Pops around.

"Oh….." Lola's hands covered her mouth when she heard her Uncle's voice. "Bus?" She looked at her Mom for confirmation. They had told her that Gus was coming soon with Mimi and Lola kept checking, she couldn't remember how to put a sock on most days but this she remembered.

"Yes, its' Bus." She climbed down from her Pop's lap and took off towards the front door and she squealed with delight when she saw Gus. It surprised everyone when Gus's eyes filled with tears at Lola's excitement; she didn't even baulk at his slightly battered appearance. She didn't care; her Bus was here. This was the longest she had even gone without seeing him and she had missed him. Every time she heard them talking about Gus she would perk up and ask for 'Bus', they couldn't keep them apart if they tried. Even if sometimes it was only for a few minutes Gus would try and drop in and see Lola every week and she lived for those moments as well as Sunday night dinners, which he hadn't made for a few weeks. It had gone a little off track lately but Gus was determined to make up for it now.

"I missed you Lola Bear." He got down on his knees and didn't give a rat's ass how much it hurt. Some pain was worth it. "I love you so much."

Lola looked up at him and finally noticed his bruised face. "Ouch."

"Yes, ouch. Didn't hurt as much as not seeing you though." Lola had no idea what he meant and she didn't care, neither did Gus, he was just happy to see her again.

Polly reached for Lola's hand and pulled her away so that Adam could help him up off his knees. He made his way to the couch and waited for Lola to climb up next to him and it was adorable watching them together as he pulled out his phone and snapped a few selfies, Lola would grin madly at any camera and then they looked at photos together. Her favourite were the ones with her in it obviously but she did also point out her Mom and Dad, her grandparents and Gus. It didn't surprise anyone that Gus's phone was filled with family photos and the vast majority were of Lola.

He'd learnt his lesson, all that mattered was family and if the person he met didn't get that then they weren't the person for him, no matter how much fun they were. He'd risked his niece and his relationship with his sister over a piece of ass. He'd let his parents down and disappointed the people he cared about the most and nothing or nobody was worth that.


	40. The Bus Driver

Lola was kneeling up at the kitchen table as she rested her chin on her hands and was watching her Dad getting some corncobs ready for dinner. Right at this point in time she seemed happy but Sam was rushing because he knew his time was limited, the end of the day could fall apart in the blink of an eye when Lola got tired. "Where's Mommy?"

"At work Chicken. She'll be home soon." He threw the corn in the pot and set it on the stove ready to boil.

"For dinner?" The conversations they were getting out of her now were cute; they loved them and some days they found it hard to keep a straight face as she was rambling on. She had come along way in the past few months and her personality, while a little too much Ruzek was just gorgeous to see as it changed and developed almost daily, even on the bad days.

"Yes, Mommy will be home for dinner and Uncle Gus and Rhiannon too."

"Bus, Bus, Bus." She clapped.

"You might want to be a bit more excited about seeing Mommy."

"I love Bus."

"I know you do." He handed her some carrot to chew on, threw the potatoes in the oven to roast along with some pumpkin. They no longer called it squash thanks to Lola and her obsession with the word; they were forever worried that if she heard the word squash she would be a little to enthusiastic in her story telling. "You need to have a bath before Mommy gets home."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"No thank you Daddy." She responded politely and while Sam thought it was cute that she thought it was the lack of manners he had an issue with, his issue was actually her decision that she didn't want a bath.

"I wasn't giving you a choice." Sam rinsed his hands before helping her down from the table. "You need a bath."

"No." she stamped her foot angrily and lashed out at her Dad. "Mommy do it."

Sam held up one finger and warned her not to hit him; that was behaviour he did not tolerate at all and for all her good traits, that one they were trying hard to break her out of. "Mommy is not here."

"Bus do it."

"Gus is not here and not going to bath you. Upstairs now." He wanted everything done by the time Polly got home. She'd been at a conference all day and knowing her she would have barely sat down or eaten.

"No." It wasn't Sam's favourite word and Lola used it a lot lately. Her terrible twos had extended well into her third year and she could go from happy to irrational in a matter of seconds. They'd been a little stunned last week when she was yelling at her own hair because it wan 'annoying' her and then she dropped to the floor and sobbed her heart out. Sam and Polly just stood and stared at her, absolutely gobsmacked.

They'd had a good day right up until now. He was always more than happy to spend the day with Lola. It wasn't always easy getting home in time during the week to do more than read her a story so a whole day was a treat for both of them. He had visited his sister and Lola terrorised the boys just by wanting to play with them. Noah was hurtling towards his teenage years and playing with his three-year old cousin was not his first choice of entertainment. Lola loved them though and she hung off every word they said and they got her to do and say things just for the fun of it and she was willing to please.

Now she was tired and had hit the wall. Although she fell asleep in the car the trip wasn't long enough to completely recharge the batteries and Sam was paying the price for waking her up. In reality he'd rather she went to bed early so that Polly could relax because Lola would be all over her the moment she walked through the door but Polly would want to see her when she got home so he tried to keep her busy and happy.

Once he actually got her in the bath she was surprisingly happy and Sam sat and sang some songs with her and let her play for a bit. "Hey Bud, Hey hey Lola Bear." Gus stuck his head through the door. Sam was used to the fact that Polly's family were well and truly at home here and when they knew they were coming over they just arrived unannounced and let themselves in.

Lola literally screamed and leapt up and covered Sam in water as she jumped up and down and demanded that "Bus, get me out."

Gus had taken to this Uncle thing like a duck to water and the older she got the more he wanted to spend time with her. He would take her out for the day just to have some fun and Lola always came home happy and exhausted and spoilt rotten and Rhiannon wasn't much better. Sam handed him her towel and stepped aside. "PJ's on are her bed." He patted him on the shoulder and left him to it.

"Bus, is 'Nannon' here?" She couldn't say Rhiannon either but loved her too. Rhiannon had won them over pretty quickly, like she had stolen Gus's heart in the blink of an eye.

"Yes she is, she is downstairs waiting to see you. She is checking that Daddy didn't burn dinner."

"Daddy made corn and he dropped it on the floor."

Sam could hear them singing and carrying on upstairs as he talked to Rhiannon in the kitchen. "I feel obsolete when he's with Lola." Not that she minded, it made him all the more loveable and she had fallen hard and fast in love with Gus, and his whole family. Sam had been a godsend when early on they all got into full Ruzek mode and she didn't know where to look, he would hand her a drink and encourage her to sit back and watch the show unfold. He would tell her how they terrorised him when he first starting dating Polly so what she was dealing with now was a walk in the park.

Gus had told her about Polly and Sam and their long-winded love story. "Sam was Polly's first boyfriend." That had surprised her. "They got together in high school and it was pretty rough, Polly's best friend committed suicide not long after they started dating, she'd been raped by her mother's boyfriend for months. Sam stuck it out though, Pol was a nightmare for a bit and he just hung in there and she came good. They were together for a few years and then he moved away, ended up in Kenya and about four years ago he came back and they hooked up again. Lola was a bit of a surprise but they are pretty great together."

"Is that why Polly works for BraveHearts?" Rhiannon had been fascinated by that and had looked up the foundation and was surprised by the work they did.

"Yep." While Abbey's death had been a tough time for Polly, Gus had also struggled with it and talking to Rhiannon about it felt strange because he didn't bring it up much, how he ran off the rails a little because he thought Polly was going to die too and telling her that felt like such a huge step. Hearing about Gus's demons helped her deal with her own.

Rhiannon gratefully accepted Sam's offer of a glass of wine. "So do I. She loves her Uncle Gus."

She always remembered the first time she saw Gus interact with her. It had been a phone call the morning after they had finally slept together. Gus had made her wait a whole month before they gave in and it had been torture but very satisfying in the end and he had made it worth the wait.

"Listen to this." Gus's phone rang and he smiled as he put it on the bench and hit speaker as he started making them a coffee. It was almost ten and they had just crawled out of bed after a late night and a very satisfying morning. He had zero regrets about how the night played out, he knew as soon as she arrived at his place he wasn't letting her leave again, not last night. They'd danced around each other for long enough.

"Good Morning Lola Bear."

"Bus, I miss you." The little voice on the other end was the cutest thing she'd heard.

"I miss you too sweetie. Have you been good?"

"Yes."

"What you doing Bus?"

"I'm cooking breakfast." He leant his elbows on the bench and winked at Rhiannon.

"Bacon?"

"Yes Bacon."

"I love bacon."

"I know you do. Have you had breakfast?"

"Yes. Daddy make no bacon." She sounded so sad and Gus laughed.

"That's sad."

"I very sad." She muttered something to her Dad and Gus just smiled and shrugged at Rhiannon as she ignored the phone as she talked to her Dad, they could hear Sam reminding her that she was talking on the phone. "Bus, you come for dinner?"

"Yes. I will see you tonight."

"Love you Bus, bye."

Sam picked up the phone and Gus took it off speaker. He chatted to Sam for a few minutes while he made the coffee and quickly hung up.

"That was adorable." Rhiannon thought it was pretty amazing. Not only the cute conversation but how happy Gus looked talking to his niece, she could see the bond between them even though she'd never seen them together. She did ask him to see a photo and he showed her a selfie of the two of them together.

"That's the same call I get every Sunday morning." Gus slid a cup of coffee across the bench towards Rhiannon. "When Polly had Lola I didn't think she would change my life quite so much."

"That was the seriously the cutest thing ever."

"She has a very cute Uncle."

"Ahh, yes. Him." Smiling over the top of her mug of coffee as Gus ferretted around in the fridge for stuff for breakfast and she appreciated the view even if, at the time she was disappointed that he pulled on a pair of jeans. He didn't have a lot to offer, bacon, eggs and mushrooms. He didn't even have bread but breakfast was just a chance to catch their breath. "I think I like him."

"I hope so."

Rhiannon grabbed the plates from the cupboard and popped them in the warming drawer while Sam got the meat out of the oven and covered it over and started on the gravy. Polly loved Rhiannon and they often would go out shopping together and they had started going to a Yoga class together, although not as regularly as they initially planned or had a girl's night out and she loved Charlotte. Adam always had her laughing hysterically and Kim thought she was perfect for her son. "You know, it's very cute how much he loves her and wants to see her. I've never met a guy like Gus; he actually enjoys spending time with his family. Most guys will do anything to get out of it."

Gus had waited almost a year after his beating before he got serious with anyone again and now that he had found Rhiannon he was glad he did. When she came along he was ready.

Polly knew before she opened the door that Gus was there because she saw his car, if she hadn't though as soon as she entered the house she would've guessed because the singing and screaming was going off and that meant Lola was bouncing off the walls.

"Mommy." Lola spotted her first and ran at Polly and took a flying leap almost knocking her over. "I dancing with Bus."

"I can see." Gus turned the music down which bought Sam and Rhiannon out of the kitchen and Polly rolled her eyes at her husband. "Good job Baby. She's wired, what did you feed her?"

"Nothing. Blame the Bus Driver. I tried to intervene but it got ugly..." Sam wasn't taking the blame for this. "…I turned the music down and someone threw themselves on the floor and it wasn't the three year old."

"Bus turn the music up." Lola was beside herself with excitement.

Gus protested against Sam's assertion that he threw a tantrum. "She missed me. It's our fave song isn't it Lola Bear?"

Sam slipped his arm around Polly's waist as Lola wiggled her way free and continued her slightly munted form of interpretative dance with her Uncle Bus. "How was you day? You look tired."

"I am, it's been a bit rough." It disappointed Sam to know she had struggled because they were desperately waiting for things to get better and Polly had a been okay the past few days and they thought she may have turned a corner but today may have been too much for her. "Have I got time to grab a shower and change out of these clothes?"

He gave her ten minutes while he dished up and everyone was sitting at the table when Polly reappeared. Rhiannon had set a glass of wine at Polly's seat. "Ah, I'll give that a miss." She passed it to Sam. She was struggling just to look at the food tonight.

"Big night last night. Didn't you have a conference dinner? You tie one on?" Gus teased her. They'd spent more than a few nights out on the tiles together over the years and he knew how hard Polly hit the floor the following day.

"Nope, not drinking at the moment. Three months down, six to go."

It took Gus a few moments to decipher what she was saying. "Am I getting a nephew?" Rhiannon was a bit quicker and squealed a little. She wasn't around when Lola was born so this was exciting for her. Rhiannon's family life hadn't been a fairy-tale by any stretch of the imagination but the Ruzek's had made her feel like part of the family from the get go. Polly made a note to remind her not to tell Gus she wanted a baby for fear of him doing a runner again, although to be fair he seemed a little more smitten this time around and he'd had maturity beaten into him it seemed.

"Well, you are getting one or the other."

"About fucking time."

"Bus, that's naughty word." Lola gasped and then admonished him.

"Yes it is, I'm sorry Lola. Very naughty of Bus." He leant over and squeezed her hand. "But I am excited that Mommy is having a baby."

"It's growing big like me in her belly."

"Yes it is." He jumped up out of his seat. "And you know what, I am going to hug your Mom." Gus wrapped her up in a bear hug. "Awesome news. Have you told the folks?"

"We did a few weeks ago, or Lola did." Polly was relieved now that everyone knew. They'd struggled to hide it because she had been suffering with morning sickness but Lola had let it out of the bag a couple of weeks early than they hoped when she was not quite 10 weeks. Once Adam and Kim knew they decided to tell Jolene as well and they all promised to keep it to themselves for a couple more weeks but now she was passed the three-month mark Polly wanted to be the one to tell Gus before someone let their secret out.

"You okay Sweetie." Kim looked at Polly as she leant on the kitchen counter and took a deep breath and tried not to toss her cookies in the sink.

"She spewed." Lola blabbed. She had walked into the bathroom while Polly was vomiting that morning. It was a pretty common occurrence at the moment, Polly was vomiting most days and she felt miserable the rest of the time. Sam had been incredible, he would get her whatever she needed or wanted even if by the time he got back from the store she had vomited again and changed her mind. He would come home with some new remedy that he had found on the Internet, which never worked or if it did they'd get excited for a day or sometimes just a few hours before Polly was back feeling like complete shit. He took care of Lola as soon as he got home from work and would cook dinner and on weekends he would take her out for the day so that Polly could just sleep because if she slept she didn't feel so bad. "The baby made her sick." Lola had overheard them talking about it and they thought she had forgotten about it until that moment.

"The baby?"

"Surprise." Polly wasn't exactly oozing with enthusiasm.

Kim was ecstatic; she had waited patiently for years for them to have another baby. Polly had confided in her once that they were contemplating not having any more and Kim was disappointed but grateful for Lola nonetheless. She wanted to know every minute detail while she made Polly sit and put her feet up and made her some toast and a weak ginger tea. And then she had to wait while Polly bought that straight back up; she was having a particularly bad day. Lola had been up and down all night with an annoying toothache and when Polly was tired her morning sickness was ten times worse.

When Adam came home from work Polly gave Lola a nudge and told her to tell her Pops the secret. He had swung her up and hung her upside down until she giggled and squirmed then he flipped her back up. Polly just got used to closing her eyes when Dad was throwing her around, it was easier than trying to get him to stop because Lola encouraged him and they both loved it. "Pops. I gots secret." She grabbed his face and bought her mouth close to his ear. "I gets a new baby."

"Where?" He pretended to look around the room.

"You can't see it silly, it's in Mommy's belly." She laughed at the absurdity of his answer. Well it was absurd to her three-year-old brain.

"Is Mommy having a baby?" he whispered and she nodded enthusiastically. "About time. Is it a boy?"

"No, it's a baby. It's still little. You can't see it yet, you need to wait." Lola wiggled her way free as Adam pulled Polly up out of the seat and into a big bear hug. "Congratulations Sweet Pea, awesome." He patted her stomach. "So how is my grandson doing? He treating you well?"

"No, it's not." Despite feeling like crap they were excited and couldn't wait to meet their baby. "It's treating me like shit actually, I've never felt so awful in my whole life but the baby is all looking good so far. And you can't say anything because I am only 10 weeks but Lola spilled the beans so now you know and before you ask no we are not finding out."

"Ah Phooey. Why'd you marry a man who was such a stick in the mud?"

"Because he makes beautiful babies with me."

"True, true."

Jolene burst into tears. It had been a rough road for her since Phil had died. She missed him like crazy and the first few months her family was always around but gradually life got in the way again. Lauren stayed for a couple of months before heading back to London, Sam and Polly took Lola to Kenya for Sam's best friends wedding and Heidi did the best she could but eventually she had to get used to being on her own.

Sam took Lola to his Mom's the next day. He had asked Lola to paint Grandma a picture of Mommy with the baby and while it looked like something a drunken ant dipped in ink had done and had zero resemblance to anything she was proud of her work.

"What's this sweetheart?" Jolene was happy to take the painting, her fridge was groaning with Lola's artwork. It seemed to be her passion at the moment and she was always drawing or painting or sticking things onto random bits of paper with gay abandon, everybody had some of her 'art'. "Shall I put in on my fridge?"

"Yes." Lola watched proudly as her grandma pinned it to the fridge. "It's Mommy."

"A painting of Mommy? It's beautiful."

"Mommy and our baby in her belly." Lola pointed to the blob of yellow. "It's a baby."

"Oh…" she burst into tears and Sam jumped up from the table and hugged his Mom and told her it was good news. "It is, I'm sorry. It's stupid." She wiped away her tears.

"We thought you'd be happy. Polly is about ten weeks. Lola couldn't hold it in anymore and spilled the beans to Kim. We want to keep it quiet for another couple of weeks though, is that okay?"

"Oh honey, it's wonderful. How's Polly?"

"Not too great this time round. She's been pretty unwell but we are hoping that she starts to pick up soon. It's all going well though, the baby is all good so far." Sam was out of his mind with worry about Polly. Some days she just struggled to get out of bed. "Can Lola stay with you tonight?"

Tonight Sam just wanted to take care of Polly; he wanted not to be distracted by Lola demanding attention. He did think about taking her out but that would be pointless because food made her feel sick, some days even the thought of it was enough. Even the offer of going to the movies was met with a scowl. "What then?"

"Can we just stay home and spend some time alone?"

"Your wish is my command." So that's what they did, they cuddled up on the couch, no TV, no distractions and talked about the baby, about Lola and organised there next few weeks. Sam talked about work and Polly was getting him up to speed on organising this year's ball. Over the years it had got bigger and bigger and she now had a much bigger team that she was overseeing which she needed, this year particularly. They hadn't had the chance lately to really catch up with each other so it was the perfect evening; feeling crap while trying to keep life ticking over was exhausting.

Sam did his best not to be horrified when Polly stopped him half way through some long over due sex because she needed to vomit. "Oh Baby." He laughed, a little painfully while he jumped up and followed her into the ensuite and grabbed her a cool washcloth for her face. "This is a first."

"What? I've been spewing for weeks."

"No, standing here, naked, half cooked with you leaning over the toilet." Sam held her hair back. "At least I know it's not actually the physical act of having sex with me that is making you sick."

She laughed a little bitterly before bursting into tears. "I hate this Sam, I feel awful. I'm sorry."

"Baby." He crouched down. "Don't be sorry, I hate this for you too. I really do. I hate seeing you like this."

How they had gone from mid-screw to mid-spew and Sam rocking her on the bathroom floor in about three minutes he'd never know. Polly climbed up off the floor, rinsed out her mouth and led Sam back to bed and they managed to finish what they'd started and Sam didn't mention the slightly funky taste when he kissed her. He wouldn't dare.

"Why don't you look happy about it?" Gus was surprised that Polly seemed subdued all through dinner. Sam told her to go put her feet up and Gus had taken Lola up to bed to read a story. He found his sister eyes closed and feet up on the couch once Lola was asleep, she had no hesitation in naming Gus as the one to take her to bed and Polly was grateful for the few minutes of peace and that her small dinner had stayed put for now.

"Because I have spent the past two months heaving my guts up?"

"Really? You that crook?"

"Really."

"Sounds nasty." He screwed up his nose and leant over the back of the couch and kissed his sister's forehead. "Does this mean it's a boy?"

"This means I am pregnant with a baby, thankfully one baby because for a while we were worried that I had two hiding in here because surely that would explain why I was so sick. Sex is yet to be determined." Polly smiled a little. "And you will find out as soon as I push it out in six months time."

"Spoil sport."

"Hey, it's Sam's thing. Talk to him about it."

"Will it get better?"

Polly closed her eyes as a wave of nausea overwhelmed her. "Fuck I hope so Gus, because this is a living hell."


	41. Daddy's Home

Her arms and legs were pumping hard and her pigtails were bouncing around as Polly watched Lola run towards her Daddy. He dropped to his knee just in time to be slammed into by the over excited four year old.

Polly smiled as she had screamed "Daddy" and wrenched her hand free from hers as he came through the double doors. Ever since she had woken up this morning and asked her Mom if today was the day Daddy was coming home she had been all over the shop. She may not have understood time per se but she didn't forget that at some point during this long day she was going to see her Daddy again and that's all that mattered. Polly couldn't blame her either, given half the chance she would have flung himself into her arms too.

"Hey my Chicken Little." Sam kissed her chubby cheeks, which were glowing from the cold, the exertion and the pure joy of seeing her Daddy. Lola was the spitting image of her Dad; they were two peas in a pod. There was no denying who her father was but they could definitely see Polly's personality in her.

"I miss you Daddy."

"Not as much as I missed you. It's impossible.

Lola was still clinging to him like a monkey when he stood up and pulled Polly into their hug. "Hey Baby." He whispered getting the one thing he had been itching for all through the flight. A kiss, he wanted it to be longer and far more passionate but Lola soon put a stop to that by demanding another kiss from her Daddy too. This was all about her, obviously.

"Welcome home." Polly smiled and leant on him for a moment. Their kiss was brief but very welcomed. It was hard to pinpoint what she missed the most but his kisses were up there, every single one of them.

"You've got no idea how glad I am to be home."

"You've missed us?"

"All three of you." He ran his free hand over her bump and couldn't help but notice how much Polly had grown in three weeks. She was now six and a half months pregnant and looking beautiful. "You look good."

"I feel good." Resting her hand on Sam's as he left it on her bump it felt nice to feel him again, she did wonder if the baby missed him too because Polly had definitely missed Sam talking to the baby. Life was busy so those few moments he made everyday to stop and talk to their unborn baby were often all they got. "We are both good."

"Daddy the baby kick me." Lola had had enough of the lack of focus on her.

"Well that's a bit cheeky."

"Yes, I sleeping in your bed and I kissed it like you do and it kicked." While it was cute it made Sam miss them even more. He just wanted to get home and relax with his ladies.

"Did you cuddle up to Mommy so she wouldn't get lonely?"

"Mimi says Mommy sleep in her bed when Pops away." Sam had no idea how Adam did it, he had hated being away from them. Even Lola seemed to have grown and got more talkative and cheeky in three weeks, if that was even possible. "You not be lonely, you have somebody to cuddle?" Ah, they did love Lola's innocence and for her it was as simple as having someone to cuddle and she did love her cuddles. Lola had already caught them out a few times and those times they were doing a lot more that just cuddling.

She stumbled into their room early one night, usually if she did come in it was always around four or five in the morning. They had barely gone to bed and Sam had convinced Polly that they needed to have a quickie before they went to sleep. It was a quickie in every sense of the word because it was over pretty damn quick when Lola appeared and asked her Daddy why he was squashing Mommy. A few minutes of panic followed because Sam couldn't really get up and deal with Lola because of his excited state and Polly was also naked and she just wanted to climb into bed between them and they both felt weird about that considering what they had been doing, and they had both been fairly into it.

"No, Daddy was all alone and missing his favourite girls."

"Did you cry? I'd cried."

"I did. I missed you that much." He kissed her little nose and she giggled and buried her head in his shoulder sweetly, her arms were tightly wrapped around his neck and Sam was in heaven.

"Lola make you not lonely too."

"I am not lonely anymore, I have you…" he jiggled her on his hip. "…and Mommy to cuddle now."

Placing Lola on top of the luggage trolley she barely gave either of them a chance to speak as they wheeled their way to the parking lot. Polly climbed into the driver's seat as Sam strapped Lola into the back. He was going to be the centre of her world for the next few hours and Polly knew she had to bide her time. She just wanted to hug him, to feel his arms around her and be close to him; it had been torture not having him around. He turned down Lola's request to sit in the back with him and jumped in the front, resting his hand on Polly's thigh as she drove. "I've missed you Baby."

"Ditto."

"I know you said that everything was fine, but tell me again."

"The baby is fine." Polly told him to grab her phone and check out the latest video of the baby, which she had gone and had done that morning, just for him.

"Wow, busy baby." Sam loved the video and he hit replay a few times. The baby was squirming and kicking away. It's was all arms and legs and he laughed as it looked like it jumped all of a sudden.

"Yes, yes it is. Everything looks good and the doctor is really happy."

"I see Daddy?" the little voice from the back piped up. They had to keep reminding themselves that she was such a treacle beak right now and Kim had been horrified when she dropped the 'f-bomb' recently. She had immediately blamed Adam who did little to deny it. They'd been at a café and Lola had dropped her crayon on the floor and spat out 'Fuck' as she hopped off the chair to pick it up. Adam roared with laughter, as Polly looked mortified while the old lady at the table beside them glared at them both.

"You've already seen it Lola. Let Daddy watch it." The huffing and puffing from the back seat was cute because along with personality came attitude.

Sam didn't mind having Lola all over him, not even when he jumped in the shower. Lola just stood there and talked to him constantly, holding the towel for him when he got out. He had gained a shadow and as soon as he sat down she was in his lap and he happily showed her videos of Ada. That was why he went; he was reunited with his first Baby. The Black Rhino he had bred back in Kenya. He had negotiated to bring her back to Lincoln Park Zoo to join his breeding program and it was a huge coup for him. Polly couldn't deny him the chance to go back and make sure she got on the boat without drama. It was always his dream to bring her here right from that very first phone call and he'd worked hard to make it happen.

Eventually she fell asleep on his lap, her head tucked up under his chin and one hand resting on his neck. They loved how she always found a way to touch them when she was going to sleep, she would wiggle a hand under a shirt or up around their faces so she could have some skin on skin contact. Even as a little baby she always managed to get a hand free from her blankets and touch them. "Do you feel loved?" It was amazing how the touch of your child could make you feel like you owned the world.

Polly sat beside him; she missed being close to him. She had Lola to keep her company but she missed her husband and the way he loved them both. "I missed her. It was too quiet. I'd wake up in the morning and lie in bed waiting for some noise of some sort. I know some days I just want her to sleep in a little but I can tell when you don't get it you miss it after a while."

"Not here though; it was never quiet. Everyday she asked me if you were coming home today and in the last few days she would cry when I said not today. I cried a couple of times with her." Polly even shed a tear when she told Lola that Daddy was coming home today and she leant down and kissed her belly and told bubba that Daddy was 'coming home.'

"Don't kick me in the balls Pol, I need them."

"What for?"

"Loving you, Baby. Once this one is in bed…" he rubbed her back tenderly. Polly loved that he was such an adoring Dad; he could spend all day fighting and battling wild animals and then spend the night playing with dolls and dancing with his daughter. "..I want to give you a proper hello."

"I'm a little tired. It's been hard work looking after Lola by myself."

"Don't care, I'll be quick."

"Please don't." she winked and ran her hand up this thigh.

"Right." Sam hoisted himself up off the couch and took Lola to bed. She snuggled back down quickly and after a few moments Sam snuck out of the room and literally ran downstairs. Polly was lying on the floor with her feet up on the couch and he dropped to his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows near Polly's head and kissed her softly when she turned to face him. "I've missed you, all of you."

"Don't do it again."

"Not for that long. Next time I'm away for more than a week you three are coming with me."

"When do you have to go?" Polly knew that Sam would eventually need to go and meet the ship in San Francisco and travel back by truck with Ada when she arrived. It was all part of the plan and she couldn't ask him to leave it to someone else, she was proud of him and his dedication to that animal and all his animals. She never doubted his dedication to them either, even if he was working long hours. Her parents had shown her that you could work hard, work long hours and be successful at your job and still have a happy family life. They just made it work.

"Hopefully about five weeks, maybe six. Any later than that and I told them I am not going."

"You have to go Sam."

"Not in your last month. I won't do it." There was no way he was leaving Polly when she was so close to having the baby.

She ran her hand over her stomach as she felt the baby move. "Someone is awake if you want a chat?"

Sam lifted up Polly's shirt and kissed her belly. He was still surprised at how much it had popped out since he left. "Hi my little Gummy Bear, it's Daddy. I'm back and I've missed feeling you squirming around in here. I missed talking to you everyday. I am glad you are behaving." He smiled as he felt the soft kicks against his hand. "You seem busy in there, I saw a video of you today and you look beautiful."

"You should have seen the look on Lola's face when it kicked her. It was priceless." Her eyes were as wide as saucers and she looked at her Mom with a look of absolute shock and wonder. It was a beautiful moment shared between a mother and daughter and she wished that Sam had been here to see it; he would have loved it as much as she had.

Sam kissed her belly again before crawling back up and giving Polly a long slow passionate kiss. He was wanted to do that since the moment her saw her again but Lola was having none of it. "You want to go to bed?"

"To sleep?"

"No, not yet." He jumped up and helped Polly off the floor. "I want you to be comfortable."

"That was surprisingly comfortable." She slipped her hand in his as he led her upstairs, flicking off the lights as they went.

Sam spun around and pulled Polly straight into his arms. "You've got no idea how much I missed you." While he just wanted to get straight into it the kiss was perfect. It was Polly who eventually hurried things along when she started tugging at his shirt. "Whoa, is this you telling me to get on with it so you can go to sleep?"

"No, this is me telling you that I am desperate for sex."

"So…" Sam wasted no time in pulling Polly's top over her head and continuing to try and cover every inch of her face and neck with his kisses. "You missed sex or me?"

"Well since I only have sex with you, let's just say both."

If Sam was a doting Dad, he was also an adoring husband and he loved her pregnant body. For a few years after Charlotte was born they weren't sure when they wanted to have another baby. While they adored her and their life revolved around her, it was hard work. Sam's long hours and Polly's work kept them busy and they just wanted Lola to have everything she wanted and needed.

Fortunately Polly's body seemed to be coping with the birth control after having Lola and they decided not to rock the boat while everything was going well. When that started playing up again they made the decision to take it out and see what happened. It took no time at all and within three months Polly was leaning over a basin heaving her guts up.

"You can fuck off with your fucking dick. I'm sick of it." She pushed Sam away as he rubbed her back.

"You seem a little pissed."

"I am fucking pissed and obviously pregnant. I feel fucking awful."

"Hence the spontaneous Tourette's episode you are currently experiencing." Polly had Ruzek mouth on her when she was under pressure or feeling like shit. "Are you sure it's not something you ate?" he smirked, well aware that last night had been an unexpected but completely satisfying sex session. Polly had been particularly horny last night and Sam wasn't one to complain. It had been exceptionally wild and raunchy. Those extra few hormones she had pumping around her body certainly benefitted Sam.

Polly grabbed the pregnancy test off the bench and threw it at him. "Despite what you might think sucking on you rotten dick did not give me food poisoning." Sam couldn't stop himself from laughing and Polly, at first scowled at him and eventually laughed too.

"Ouch Baby. You were riding me like a wild horse last night, I liked it."

"Yes well, you might be a stallion right now but you are about to be gelded."

"I remember this conversation when you were in labour with Lola." Sam handed her a damp face cloth as she leant against the cabinet. "You soon changed your mind."

"So you want more?"

"No, I just don't think we should talk about it right now. Let's just focus on this first."

It didn't seem that long ago that Polly had told Sam that she was starting to feel like shit again and when her arm blew up like a balloon instead of trying to hide it from him this time Polly was a lot more honest, it also helped that they had been together five years now and were happy and in a stable marriage, rather than dating after a wild few months when they fell in love again after a decade apart. "Sam, can I talk to you?"

He was watching a game on TV while Polly put Lola to bed. "Hmmm, sure." He muttered only giving her a quick sideways look.

"I think I need to take my implant out again." It was one way to get his attention, he leant forward grabbed the remote and switched off the TV.

"Are you having trouble? Since when?"

"The past few days, I can feel it building up." Polly pulled up the sleeve of her shirt and showed him the growing red mark. "This is really starting to hurt."

"Then take it out."

"If I do, and I will…" she twisted her hands in her lap. "…do you think, maybe we can have another baby?"

He had always left the final decision up to Polly because she was the one that had to do it and go through it all. Sam would happily have more kids but he didn't have to give birth or feed them for months on end. Polly had really struggled with that and he was proud of her determination to give their daughter the best possible start she could but it sucked the life out of her and at nine months Sam put his foot down when they'd spent two nights with Lola on the breast the entire night. Polly was beside herself with exhaustion and he convinced her to give her some formula. Within a week both of them were bounding along. Polly still fed Lola morning and night but during the day she'd happily take a bottle and she finally admitted that it was the best thing she'd done.

"Do you want another baby?"

"I think so." He could tell by the way her eyes lit up that it was exactly what she wanted.

"Me too." It was as simple as that, the next day the implant came out and they were happy that Polly's pregnancy was not a result of a quick screw on the bonnet of a car in winter but Sam's very diligent efforts to not miss one single opportunity _'incase a random egg was floating around._ ' Including that night because Sam felt they needed to celebrate and he wanted to fine-tune his skills. Her husband was also a bit of an idiot but she loved him.

They had suspected she was pregnant a few days before Polly took the test. Sam had made breakfast and it was usually her favourite, mashed avocado on toast with roasted tomatoes. Polly took one look at it and turned up her nose. As she tried to take a mouthful she felt her stomach lurch and pushed it away. "What's wrong?"

She looked as white as a sheet. "I can't eat it."

"Why not? You asked for it." Polly had begged Sam to get up and cook breakfast. Lola was still asleep in her own bed for a change and they had made the most of the rare morning they didn't wake up with Lola wedged in between them.

"I know and now I don't want it."

Sam laughed, leant over the bench and tickled her under the chin. "Ah baby, your pregnant."

"Maybe."

"Are you late?"

"Who knows." She shrugged, it hadn't really returned to any regular pattern since the implant came out. "Perhaps. I don't feel any different, well until this morning anyway."

"You want to take a test?" With Lola they had no idea until Polly went to the Doctors so they weren't really expecting Polly to feel any different this time either. The refusal of food was the first clue that she might be pregnant and they tried not to get excited. Within days Polly was vomiting and they took the test and then had it confirmed by their Doctor.

Polly spent the first three months of this pregnancy completely nauseous and throwing up constantly which was unlike her pregnancy with Lola but gradually she turned a corner and started to enjoy the pregnancy and by the end of her fourth month things had settled right down and they hadn't looked back.

Sam touched every single part of her. He'd missed even the simplest things like holding her hand, or that sweet good morning kiss or even just sitting close to her while they watched TV. "I am glad you didn't run wild and bonk every other guy when I was away."

"I tried, they seemed to be freaked out by the baby bump."

"I'm not. I love it. I'd have sex with you everyday through this pregnancy if you'd let me."

"Lucky I won't let you."

"Anyway, let's focus." He slipped one hand down between her legs and held her tight as she moaned with pleasure. "I've got a few weeks to make up for."

"What about all the phone sex?" They'd had a few calls that got a little raunchy.

"So not that same." He removed his hand and Polly climbed onto the bed and waited for Sam to finish stripping off and he took his time kissing his way from the tips of her toes, over her beautiful rounded belly and up to her eagerly awaiting mouth. "Nothing beats the real thing."

Polly let him go and just enjoyed how he was making her feel and he always excelled and it took awhile for them to fall asleep afterwards. The baby was certainly firing on all cylinders so Sam talked to it for while, stroking and kissing her stomach. They chatted about Lola and some of her antics because despite talking to them twice a day he still felt he's missed out on so much and wanted Polly to catch him up. He loved listening to Polly talk about Lola because everyday was something new and exciting for her.

Reluctantly they both put some clothes back on to sleep because the likelihood of being in bed with just to the two of them until morning was remote. They didn't even look at the clock when she came in but she was cuddled up to her Dad when Polly woke to use the bathroom. It was the cutest thing seeing her little head tucked up beside her Dad, sharing his pillow. Her Mom once told her that it was impossible not to love the man who loved your children and she was right.

She fell in love with him more and more each day.

Lola had a tight grip on Sam's hand as he tried to give Polly a kiss goodbye. "Tonight, just you and me yeah?" He had his one free hand on her belly, that beautiful belly that he had barely had time to talk to today because of the demanding Daddy hog beside them. Lola even sat on his lap to eat breakfast.

"Promise?"

"Pinkie swear." He locked fingers with Polly and pulled her in for a quick kiss as he was being pulled in the other direction. Sam was spending the day with Lola. He needed to go into work for an hour or two and she was having none of him leaving again so he agreed to take her for the day. It would give Polly a chance to rest a little. They'd been up late last night and then Lola had kicked like a mule when she had come in and the baby seemed to be resting on her bladder for most the night.

Polly had missed Sam just as much as Lola had and would have preferred it if he'd stayed home but she understood better than a three year old that some things had to be done. She did love however that he wanted to spend the day with her. Polly had loved her father daughter dates, or Saturdates as Adam always called them and even, to this day sometimes she just loved hanging out with her Dad and she always wanted Sam and Lola to have that and they did and it was amazing to watch them together. Perhaps she would give her Dad a call and see if he had an hour or two free for her.

"Daddy." Lola piped up from the backseat. "You love Polly?"

"Yes I do, I do love Mommy."

"And Lola?"

"Yes."

"Daddy loves everyone."

"Yes I do. What about you Lola? Who do you love?"

"Me." She clapped her hands and Sam laughed. That was pretty accurate. The best person in Lola's world was Lola. "And Mommy, and Daddy." She was quiet for just a moment. "And Mimi and Pops, and Grandma and Bus." Gus had no intention of ever letting her stop calling him Bus; he loved it. "And 'Annon too."

"And the baby?"

"No, Daddy. You're silly, Baby not borned yet." They talked to her a lot about the baby and how it had to grow in Mommy's belly for a while before it was born and they could see it.

"We still love the baby Lola. It's our baby. We loved you before you were born."

"Why?"

"Because you are our baby."

"Did you cook me too?"

"Yes Chicken Little, we cooked you good and proper."

"Will it get burned?" Polly had apparently recently burnt a cake she was making, she had forgotten about it when Lola had dragged her outside to play and she had been concerned that her Mom would forget to stop cooking the baby too. They had Adam to thank for that, he kept asking how the cooking was going and telling Lola that Mommy was like an oven.

"No Lola, we promise not to burn it."

"Do you squash it?" Now that was unexpected and left Sam speechless. It had been a long time ago that Lola had caught them in the act. Polly wasn't even pregnant then but it had been a mortifying few days for both of them when Lola bought it up not only at his Mom's place, who laughed politely and changed the subject, but also at the Ruzek's Sunday dinner, where was never going to be swept under the rug.

"Pops. What's this?" Lola pointed to the barbecue where she was helping Adam cook dinner. Or more to the point Adam was cooking and Lola was hanging off his back like a monkey. Her idea of helping was not quite like anyone else's but her Pop made her laugh and giggle and she just adored him. If she wasn't stuck to her Dad's side she was following her Pops around like a lost puppy.

"It's squash Lola Bear, it's delicious."

"Oh." She seemed to contemplate that for a moment. "Daddy squash Mommy and they were in the nicky nude." She giggled and to Adam it was hands down the cutest giggle in the world.

Adam literally choked on his beer. "Really."

"Yes." She squeezed Adam's neck repeatedly as she chanted. "Squash, squash, squash."

Now that Lola had dropped that nugget Adam was going to make the most of it and he didn't care who was around to hear it. It felt like the blowjob dinner conversation all over again when Adam piled their plates up with squash he muttered, "Because apparently you both _love_ squash." and Polly just about died.

"Daddy loves squash, don't you Daddy? Mommy loves to squash too."

"Okay Lola, please eat something." Sam recovered a little quicker than Polly who was blushing furiously while Adam roared with laughter and Kim wasn't much better. Gus thought it was hilarious and Rhiannon did not know what to make of it at all. Gus's poor girlfriend had walked into a ridiculous Ruzek dinner, or the Circus as Sam called them on her very first night meeting everyone and she just sat quietly and watched it all unfold. "You might want to drink more." Sam leant across the table and whispered to Rhiannon. "I find it helps, it makes them seem more normal."

Gus had been very quiet about his love life since the incident so they had no idea about Rhiannon and Kim was shocked when Gus rang and said he was bringing someone to dinner. She had warned Adam to behave when he muttered something about 'Jazmine with a Zee' as he disappeared outside grumbling under his breath. Of course Lola's inadvertent admission meant that Adam was off the chain and Gus had done his best to prepare her, but this was something you could never fully be prepared for or explain.

"It's yucky." Lola declared suddenly, screwing up her nose.

"Less talking more eating." Polly told her before she started in again.

"Just you remember how yucky it is when you are sixteen and being chased by a horny goat of a kid who just wants to pop your cherry." Adam really needed to stop talking and Polly hissed at him through gritted teeth. "With a bit of luck you won't break a bed in the process."

"What's that Sweet Pea?"

"Can you not? It's bad enough explaining this to her."

"Best cherry I ever had." Sam smirked. He really did fit in a little too well which Polly loved 90% of the time, the other 10% she wanted to smack him upside of the head.

"My first cherry was good too." Gus chimed in knowing full well it would annoy his sister.

"I'm surprised you figured out how to stick it in anything? Remember when you thought that sounded weird." Polly bit back at him and Gus got the hint. He needed to stay out of it or Polly would drag him down too.

"Oh, I like cherries." Lola wasn't being left out, even if she was actually talking about real cherries.

"Thank you very friggin' much." Polly hissed and she looked desperately at her mother for help. "All of you shut up and eat."

Kim did jump in and try and change the subject and asked Lola her highlight of the day, which of course was seeing 'Bus' and Gus just winked at her and made her giggle. Adam's was dinner, like it always was on a Sunday and then helpfully added that he was sure that Sam wasn't going to get squash again anytime soon and Polly dropped her fork with a clatter. Sam's laugh died on his lips when Polly glared at him and he quickly shut his mouth. He knew which side of his bread was buttered.

"You know, you walked in on us more than once." Adam tried to take the sting out of it but it wasn't helping, if anything it was just prolonging the agony. "I don't think you remember it, it didn't damage you. God we even did it with you in the room on more than one occasion."

"Not helping. I really don't want to think about you two going at it."

"We still do, quite regularly actually. Like right before you got here." Adam just continued on his merry way. "You know Lola, Pops and Mimi had some squash to celebrate when you were born. It's Pops favourite."

"Adam." Polly snapped and when she called her Dad Adam they all knew he'd gone too far. "Shut up."

Gus suddenly didn't find it all that amusing. "Yes, well as always trust you to ruin a good dinner." Teasing Polly and Sam about their sex life was a whole different kettle of fish. Having his new girlfriend listen to his father talk about his sex life was a bridge too far, particularly knowing that Rhiannon often felt overwhelmed by family. She had been nervous coming here knowing how close they all were. She was close to her Dad but that was about it and they certainly didn't have conversations like this.

"You.." he pointed his fork at Gus. "..I think you managed to sneak in one night and we didn't realise you were just standing in the doorway with this bemused look on your face. Your Mom was….."

"Adam." Kim decided it was time he stopped talking. "I suggest you zip it, like right now." He shut his mouth and the silence was a little awkward until Lola went all Ruzek on them.

"You like squash Mimi?" Even Polly had to try and stifle a giggle at that and Adam didn't even try to hold it in.

"Yes Darling."

"In the nicky nude like Mommy and Daddy?" Rhiannon actually gasped. Polly just sighed and closed her eyes and hoped that this would soon be over. There was nothing she could do, even asking Lola to stop wasn't working because every else was laughing and that was egging her on.

"Yes Lola." Kim deadpanned.

"And Bus?"

"Lola Bear, I love it, so does Rhiannon." The poor girl looked mortified now that she had well and truly figured out what was going on. Sam just topped up her glass and shrugged and told her it wasn't always quite this bad.

"Charlotte. Shhhh." Polly put a finger to her lips and tried to shush her and the look of surprise on Lola's was adorable. "Enough talking."

"So…" Gus looked a little sheepish once they left. "That is my family. The Ruzek circus in full swing."

"Oh My God."

"It's not always like that, that was crazy even I can admit that."

"Oh My God." She repeated. "Gus, I've never had a dinner like that in my life."

"You are bolting aren't you?"

"No, when can we go back? That was bloody hilarious. Your parents, oh my god how cute are they? And your sister is so funny and lovely, Sam just kept topping up my wine telling me to sit back and watch and Lola is just, I have no words for her."

"They didn't freak you out?"

"Well yes they did, but I loved it."

"They liked you."

"How could you tell?" She had no idea when they had the chance to even talk about it; it had been one crazy conversation after another.

"They told me." Polly had hugged him in the kitchen when they had a moment to themselves, she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his back and told him she thought he was batting out of his league. Sam actually talked to her, which after his last foray wasn't always a guarantee and his Dad had taken the time to get to know her. "And I know them."

Lola was asleep in the back seat as Sam and Polly drove home, she was already in her Pj's and had fallen asleep on her Daddy's lap before they left. "So I am guessing its lucky I had squash for dinner because that's the only squash I am getting right?"

"What the fuck do you think?"

"Ah Baby, it was funny."

She swatted his hand away as he tried to grab her leg. "Fucking hilarious."

"It was a little bit funny."

"My family is insane. Poor Rhiannon."

"Yes they are. And we love it." Sam did feel a little sorry for her; he'd been in her position before. "But if she is going to stick it out it's either sink or swim with you lot. The sooner she gets a handle on that the better." Lucky for Sam, he did get some more squash that night and boy did he love it. It was his favourite dish and Polly; after a lot of effort from Sam to turn her on admitted that she loved it too.

Sam didn't expect Lola to remember it, or bring it up months later. She constantly reminded them that they needed to be careful what they said around her, she had ears like a bat and the memory of an elephant and had repeated things that had shocked both of them. Polly had been speechless when she was having a bath with her doll and she told Polly that he had a 'dick' but it wasn't 'hairy like Daddy'. All Polly could do was tell her it was a called a penis and walk out of the bathroom.

"The baby is safe in Mommy's belly."

"You won't hurt it?"

"No Chicken, Daddy won't hurt it."

"Daddy?"

"Yes Chicken."

"I love you Daddy." Sam's heart melted every time.

Lola certainly didn't lack confidence and she strode into the zoo like she owned the place, happily waving to the girls in the gift shop on their way through. She bounced into his office and was excited to see Josh. "Joshy, my Daddy home."

"I can see." The two men shook hands while Lola checked out her toy stash in the corner. It was exactly like she left it and she had it all out in the blink of an eye. "Good to be home?"

"Great." He pointed at Lola. "I have gained a shadow though."

"How's Polly?"

"Getting fatter."

Bat ear Lola piped up from her current activity of destroying her toy box. "Not fat Daddy, it's the baby cooking."

"Yes it is."

"It kicked me." He wasn't quite sure what version of events were going to come out of her mouth and fortunately it was the kicking story rather than the squash one. Although talking about that with Josh was far less embarrassing than dealing with the family.

Lola was happy to investigate the current state of her toy box in the corner, which not surprisingly contained a lot of animals purchased from the gift shop and plenty of naked dolls. Clothing was an optional extra for her dolls and barely lasted a day in Lola's hands, she would strip them naked and then asked her Mom or Dad to dress them again just so she could do it all over again.

While she did that Josh filled Sam in on what had gone on while he was away. Not that he really needed it, he received daily updates via email and they spoke every other day. One of the reasons he came in today was to check up on his female giraffe, Anyango. Initial reports showed a positive pregnancy test, which was a huge win for him. They were still cautious about it as it was early days, well for a giraffe anyway but it was exciting and he wanted to lay eyes on her.

"Hey Chicken, we are going for a walk, come on."

"No, I stay Daddy."

"I don't think so. I thought you were here to help Daddy work. Let's go to work."

"I can bring fucka?" She held up her killer whale stuffed toy.

"You can bring flicka." Sam corrected her. Bloody hell, she was going to be the death of him.

Sam and Lola were waiting for he when she got home; they both cooked her dinner and made her put her feet up. Lola insisted on 'taking care' of her Mommy, which she accepted with grace even if it was a little intense for a while. Lola taking care of you meant you were 'massaged', washed with a face cloth, she would hold a cup of water with a straw for you to drink out of, whether you wanted to or not and covered with a blanket up to your neck, no matter how hot you were.

Sam gave her a bath and put her to bed. "Let me take care of you." He leant on the back of the couch and stared down at Polly. "I missed you today."

"You were busy being superman to your daughter, you know I find that very sexy and quite the turn on." Polly didn't even open her eyes as she spoke and Sam came and sat beside her.

He ran one hand over her belly before sliding his hand up her leg and under her dress so he could feel the tight warm skin of her stomach. "You feel so good." His hand slid down between her legs. "So good." Polly shifted her body weight when she realised where he was heading. "You like?" Her eyes fluttered open and Sam was watching her intently. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Polly bit her bottom lip as Sam enjoyed making her turn to putty in his hands. He'd missed her "Hmmmm."

"I don't love you as much as I did yesterday." Polly's eyes shot open. "I love you more."

"Want to get naked with me."

"Yes, in a minute. I want to finish this first."

"Finish what?"

"I want to watch you baby. Come for me." Polly closed her eyes again and let her mind go, she thought about nothing other than how Sam was making her feel. He didn't say a word but she could feel his eyes on her the whole time and when she did as she was asked he took her upstairs and got naked with her. Her beautiful bump resting on his stomach and he couldn't keep his hands off it.

They made good on their morning promise. Pinky Swears were a serious business in this house.


	42. I Should Have Stayed

Sam was watching the rear view mirror. He was contemplating when was a good time to stop. While they couldn't get Ada out of her specially designed transport crate they all needed to get out, switch drivers and stretch their legs. They'd been on the road for only a day and Sam was closely monitoring how Ada was coping. They hoped to get this done in 4 days but it may take longer if she wasn't traveling well, there was always the possibility of stopping at some local zoos along the way if he felt it necessary.

Lola had cried, no actually sobbed her heart out when she saw Sam packing his bag. "Don't go 'way Daddy." She tried to grab his things out of his bag as he was packing them.

"Oh sweetie, Daddy needs to go and pick up Ada and bring her to her new home at the zoo."

"No, stay with Lola." It was ripping his heart out piece by piece. He had wanted to bring them with him to San Francisco and then they could fly back and maybe fly out and meet him halfway for an overnight trip but it was too much for Polly and her doctor wasn't keen for her to fly at this late stage of her pregnancy. Ada had been delayed in San Fran due to a mild infection when she landed and they held her up in quarantine.

"I'll be back soon. I promise and then you can go see Ada."

"No, Lola come." She ran into her bedroom and came back a few minutes later with a bag stuffed full of clothes and her favourite Leopard under her arm.

"I'm sorry sweetie, you need to stay here with Mommy and take care of her."

"No Daddy, no, no." she threw herself on the floor absolutely distraught and Sam spent the next twenty minutes sitting with her in his lap until the sobbing stopped. Luckily he was on an early morning flight and would be out the door before Lola woke up. He couldn't stand to go through this again.

They had been surprised at how much Sam's first trip had affected Lola. She stuck to him like glue all the next day and Sam even had to take her into work with him. She wasn't impressed when he went back to work the following day and she couldn't go and when he got home that night she cried in his arms, every time he left she was scared he wasn't coming back. "Don't go Daddy." She would cry and then stand at the window and call out for him to come back. It broke Polly's heart listening to her desperate pleas to her daddy and Sam couldn't turn and look at her sad face pressed up against the window and that first day Lola just sobbed in Polly's arms for an hour. It took a good couple of weeks for her to settle down and realise that he did come home everyday so Sam leaving again wasn't going down well.

Polly also hated that he was leaving particularly once the Doctor refused to clear her to fly. Her blood pressure was a little higher than she would have liked so that meant no trips for her. Despite the rough start she actually felt pretty good right now that she'd finished work and was looking forward to spending a couple of days away with their little family. She had finished at 34 weeks, on Alex's insistence although she did plan to work from home on and off for another week or so once they were back from their trip.

The plan was they were going to go a few days early to San Fran, spend some time together and then Polly would fly home. Now that the Doctor had put the kibosh on that he was literally leaving the two days before he was due to start the long trip home with Ada. He was excited but he was disappointed that Polly and Lola couldn't share it with him. Sam wanted to take Lola to meet Ada because they talked about her a lot, they'd watch videos of her and Lola had made her a card welcoming her to her new home. Polly insisted that Sam go, she wanted him to enjoy the moment, a moment that he had worked so hard for.

He had a team of six with him, including two vets, Josh his 2IC, who he had sent on ahead so he was there when Ada landed and a couple of drivers. Checking his phone he realised that they currently had no signal so he didn't want to stop until they had reached the outskirts of the next town.

His phone buzzed to life when they gained signal again. _'Can you call me as soon as you get this message?'_ It was from Kim and it set his teeth on edge as a feeling of dread washed over him.

He had five missed calls and his heart was racing as he listened to his messages. They were all from either Kim or Adam and the only call from Polly was without a message. He rang Polly and got nothing so by the time he rang his mother-in-law his hands were shaking.

"Is Polly okay?" Sam demanded as soon as he heard that the call had been picked up. Kim was expecting it when she saw Sam's name on her screen.

"Sam, Polly is fine, Lola is okay but they have had an accident."

He was out of the truck and pacing up and down the side of the road. "What sort of accident? Are they okay? What about the baby?" All Sam could feel was his pulse racing and his heart thumping uncontrollably in his chest and he suddenly had to remind himself to breathe. "What happened?"

"They fell down some stairs. From what we can make out Lola was holding Polly's hand and she stumbled and Polly tried to stop her and they both fell. Lola has a broken arm; Adam is with her. I'm with Polly."

"Kim…" he whispered desperately.

"Sam the baby is fine at the moment…" At the moment, what the fuck did she mean by that? "… but Polly is having some contractions and they think she is in early labour. I think you need to try and get here as soon as you can." Polly didn't want Sam to know that she had had a slight abruption and bleed and she had warned her mother not to tell him, she didn't want him to worry. Kim argued that he would already be worried, so that meant as far as Polly was concerned there was no need to stress him out any further. At this stage it was a watch and see and Polly was on strict bed rest and constant fetal monitoring.

"Fuck. Where's Polly? Can I talk to her?"

Kim handed her phone to Polly and as soon as she heard Sam's voice she burst into tears. "I'm sorry."

"Polly Baby, it's not your fault. Are you okay? What's going on? What does the Doctor say?"

"They think I am in labour, the baby's heartbeat is fine, they are keeping an eye on it. They won't let me see Lola."

"Why not?" Where is she? Is she okay?"

"My blood pressure is too high. I am restricted to bed rest. Dad is with Lola; she broke her arm. Sam I hate this, she needs me. Tell them I need to see her." He could barely make out what she was saying through all her tears.

"Sam, it's Kim." She stepped out of the room when Polly handed her back the phone and Kim didn't want Sam to hear how upset she was. "Polly is pretty distraught that she can't be with Lola. Adam is with her and they are just down in x-ray now. They don't think it's too bad but she has some bumps and bruises and they want to keep her in at least overnight. Adam will stay with her; your Mom is also on her way in. I'll stay with Polly."

"Okay. Okay." He mind was spinning. "I'm in Utah, a couple of hours from Salt Lake City. I can get a flight from there."

"Let me know your flight, we'll make sure someone is there to pick you up. Try not to worry, we will stay with them both."

Try not to worry, well that was a fucking joke right? "Kim, I'm out of my fucking mind. I should never have left them."

"Sam, you didn't know this was going to happen. It was an accident and they are both okay."

"Lola didn't want me to leave, neither did Polly, not really. She said it was fine, but I know she didn't want me to go." He was rambling and Kim let him go for a few minutes. He was agitated and Kim couldn't blame him. "I should have stayed."

"Listen, I get that this is tough Sam but it's happened and we need to deal with it, and we will until you get here. We will see you in a few hours."

It wasn't as easy as that. Sam needed to call his boss and tell him he needed to leave the convoy. That meant leaving Josh in charge and he needed to first of all get to Salt Lake City and it wasn't as if they were a quick moving road train and he couldn't ask the pilot vehicle or back up to leave Ada in the middle of the Utah desert. Then he needed to get a decent flight.

Matt, when he called him agreed to fly out and take over. They decided to continue on to Salt Lake City and wait there until Matt arrived but Sam could leave them now. They got him a ride and organised the next flight out which was 5pm. They would be cutting it fine but if he didn't make that it was the next morning and that wasn't going to wash. He'd break the law if he had to and hope like hell Adam could fix it.

He talked to Kim again and then called Adam and asked to face time Lola. "Hey chicken little."

"Daddy, I hurt." Sam felt like he was just constantly being kicked in the gut. He physically felt sick.

"I know sweetie and I am really sad about that. Pops tells me you are very brave though, is he kissing it better?"

"Yes. Pops let me have ice-cream for dinner."

"Aren't you lucky? I love you Chicken."

"You come home Daddy?"

"Yes. Very soon. When you wake up in the morning Daddy will be home to give you a cuddle and lots of big kisses." Sam couldn't help the wobble in his voice. "Be good for Pops."

He talked to Adam again. "Is she okay?"

"Yeah Kid she is. She's a tough cookie, you forget who her parents are. The x-ray was pretty good so she doesn't need surgery, just a cast for six weeks. Your brother-in-law came by and organised some hotshot orthopaedic surgeon to take a look. Your Mom has just gone home to get her a couple of things."

"This is fucked."

"I know Sam, I know you want to be here. Hey, when you get here don't come down and wake Lola, stay with Polly. They are going to give her some more pain meds soon and that will knock her out for the night."

'They are drugging her?" Sam was a little appalled by that. He hated the thought of Lola being drugged. "I don't know Adam she seems okay."

"Sam, both Hudson and the Ortho guy think it's for the best. She's still got some pain meds in her now so she's not too bad but when she moves it hurts her, I can tell. " Adam wasn't going to tell Sam that Lola would scream hysterically every time she moved her arm too quickly. It was killing Adam watching her in agony and it was the only reason he contemplated letting them drug her. Polly had reluctantly signed over consent to her Dad. Kim and Hudson had convinced her that she needed not to worry about making sure Lola was getting the proper attention. Hudson had come up and suggested she let Adam agree to consent her treatment so as it wouldn't delay Lola getting the care she needed. Even though it was her Dad it was still a tough decision to let go and she made them promise to tell her everything.

Sam would be a mess if he knew how much Lola was hurting. He remember how he felt when Polly had to have a lumber puncture when she was a baby and ended up in hospital with a virus, it killed him watching her screaming in agony and it wasn't any better watching his grand daughter either. While she was currently in her bed she had been asleep on Adam's lap for most of the past few hours. They had tried to get her onto the bed but she wouldn't let go of her Pops and her screaming and thrashing was making her pain worse so they just let her be. It wouldn't achieve anything worrying Sam more than he already was and there was nothing he could do about it right now.

Sam was going to call Hudson though and get the name of the Ortho guy and get the full story. Before he did that though he needed to talk to Polly, he would have just sat and listened to her breathe if he could. "Have you talked to Dad?"

"I did and I talked to Lola."

"Is she okay?"

"She is. She's eating ice cream. Pops is spoiling her." He had no idea how much they were telling Polly about Lola but she would soon pull him up if he was trying to hide things from her that she already knew. "How are you? How's the baby?"

"Okay. I'm okay Sam."

"Contractions?"

"Yeah a few. Not any stronger though. The heartbeat is strong. Do you want to hear it?"

"Yes." Polly handed the phone to Kim so that she could hold it up near the fetal monitor and Sam could hear it. "That sounds good." He told her when Kim gave it back to Polly. Kim gave them a few minutes alone while she slipped out and called Adam.

"Hey Baby. I love you so much, you and Lola and our little gummy bear. I wish I was with you."

"Sam, I'm scared." Polly sobbed into the phone and Sam felt weak.

"I know baby, I know."

"Are you scared?"

"God Polly I am terrified and I just want to be with you. I am trying to get there as quick as I can. My flight lands at 9pm, Gus is picking me up so I hopefully he does that lights and sirens stuff..." he was trying to make it sound like he wasn't worried. "..I can't wait to see you. "

"You need to go see Lola."

"No, I need to see you. Lola will be sound asleep; no doubt with her Pops wrapped around her little finger. I need to see you Polly." Suddenly his voice was trembling a little as everything was starting to overwhelm him. Sam knew that Adam was right; he had to go see Polly. If Lola saw Sam she would never let him go. She had been calling out for both her Mom and Dad all afternoon. "Baby, what happened?"

Polly started crying again as she told him about the accident.

Lola had been a pain in the ass all morning; she was grumpy and refused to listen to Polly to slow down. They were at a shopping mall and Lola had decided she wanted to see the toy shop again and when they got to the stairs she spied something that excited her, Polly wasn't sure what it was but in her rush to get down the small flight of stairs she stumbled on the first step. Polly reached for her and because she was so pregnant she lost her balance and they both tumbled down the five or six steps onto the floor.

Lola was screaming as people rushed to help them and called an Ambulance. All Polly cared about was Lola, she could see that she was hurt and she was crouched over Lola, refusing to let her go as she was lying on the floor. The first aid attendants tried to get Polly to sit up and leave Lola on the floor in case she was more seriously injured than it appeared and the only way they could get Lola to lay still was for Polly to stay where she was. It was uncomfortable and she was feeling some discomfort in her belly but she ignored it and it wasn't until the paramedics arrived and asked her about the baby that Polly even thought that something might be wrong with her too.

They let Polly travel with Lola because there was no way Lola was being separated from her mother. She called her Mom. She had already tried Sam and he was out of range. The last thing he needed to hear was a garbled message from her so she hung up before saying anything.

"Mom.." she gasped desperately. "Lola had a fall. We are on our way to Med."

"Is she okay?" Kim could at least hear her crying in the background. She was pissed off that she had to lie on the stretcher while Polly sat next to her. It sounded ugly, whatever was going on and Kim struggled to hear and understand Polly.

"I think her arm is broken." Kim agreed to meet Polly at the hospital and it wasn't until she got there and saw Polly on a monitor that she discovered that Polly had fallen too. When they realised that Polly needed to go up to the obstetrics ward she refused to leave Lola and in her battle to stay with her they noticed that her blood pressure shot up and she had a small bleed.

Polly was devastated. She felt like she was making a choice between her two children and listening to Lola's hysterical screaming as they took Polly away was like having your heart ripped out of your chest. Adam had arrived and promised to stay with Lola; he was probably the only person strong enough to hold her down as she thrashed about screaming in agony and in desperation for her Mom. Listening to a small terrified child screaming for her Mommy was like shoving shards of glass underneath your fingernails and when that child was you own granddaughter, well Adam would rather take a bullet than listen to this; it would be far less painful.

Before Sam got on the plane he called Hudson and he assured him that Lola was fine and that she was well looked after. He didn't get hold of the Ortho before he took off but Hudson was adamant that he was the best going around and Lola was in good hands. He didn't know what was going on with Polly but promised to find out. Obstetrics wasn't his thing but he'd make damn sure that baby had the best going around too. He called and found out who was the on call Neonatologist and had a chat to them.

Polly had dozed off. Her contractions were mild and they were hopeful that she may not progress much more but it was likely that she would need to be on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy particularly if her blood pressure did not come down. Five weeks of doing nothing did not fill her with joy, although it was likely that they would only let her go another three. There had been talk that their aim today was just getting Polly to 36 weeks, which was only another five days. Suddenly the likelihood of a premature birth loomed before her and it was a terrifying thought and she hated that she was going through it alone. Her Mom hadn't left her side and even her Dad had come up for a few minutes but it wasn't the same.

Suddenly she woke and grabbed her stomach as a contraction ripped through her. Her agonising groan propelled Kim out of her seat and bought people running especially when all the alarms started going off. Her blood pressure dropped, the baby's heart rate shot up and when they pulled back the sheet Polly had started bleeding.

Within seconds she was being whisked into surgery for an emergency C-section and Kim was beside herself. Sam was in the air and they were telling her that it was likely that Polly had a full placental abruption and they needed to deliver the baby now. They let her go in with Polly and Kim was hastily dressed in scrubs and beside Polly who was hysterical. She didn't even have time to let Adam know what was going on, perhaps that was a good thing; he would have been out of his mind with worry and probably banging on the theatre doors demanding to know what was going on.

"Where's Sam? I need Sam." Polly covered her face with her hands.

"He's coming Sweetie."

"We need to wait."

Suddenly Polly's obstetrician was beside her. "Polly we can't wait, we need to get the baby out. It is starting to show some signs of distress and I need to stop your bleeding."

"I don't want anyone to know." Kim was confused. "Sam needs to know first if it's a boy or a girl. I don't want you to tell anyone."

"Okay sweetheart. It's okay." Kim stroked her face and rested her head on Polly's forehead and tried to get her to just breathe. "Just look at me Polly.." Kim begged her as Polly started to hyperventilate. "..I'll make sure nobody knows until you tell Sam, just breathe for me please."

People kept coming at them. The room filled quickly and Polly could barely focus on what people were telling her. "Hi Polly, I'm Andrew Wilkins, I'm a neonatologist and I'm here to look after your baby. Hudson called me and filled me in. Let's meet this baby of yours."

It was chaos and Polly just stared back at him blankly until the anaesthetic kicked in and Polly's eyes slid closed and Kim took a long deep breath and watched her second grandchild come into the world.


	43. Man Enough

As soon as the plane touched down Sam turned his phone on. He'd been clutching it the whole way and the guy next to him looked at him strangely more than once and eventually Sam told him that his family had been in an accident and his daughter was hurt and his wife was pregnant and in premature labour. _'I thought you might be a terrorist or something.'_

No, he was just completely freaked out and having a panic attack. Fortunately the flight crew got him off first and as soon as the doors opened and he bolted for the exit.

Gus was waiting for him; he was in uniform and that made his heart stop. "What happened? I can't get through to Polly." He had called her the moment he was able and her phone was switched off.

"Polly's fine, she's in recovery." His brother-in-law rested a hand on his shoulder. "They had to do an emergency C-section about an hour ago."

"Is she okay?" Sam could barely speak as the feeling of dread flowed through him, he was rooted to the spot and paralysed by fear and Gus urged him to keep moving towards the exit.

"She is. Polly did great. Mom says she's doing fine."

He was almost scared to ask. "And the baby?"

"In the nursery. The baby is doing okay, Polly had a bleed just after she got to the hospital and they were keeping an eye on it but she started to bleed again so they had no choice." Gus knew that Sam understood what all this meant. Animals were not much different from humans in that regard. Gus however was pretty clueless and just worried about his sister, Lola and getting Sam to the hospital as soon as possible but his mother had drilled this into him before he left. She knew Sam would want to know all the details.

"Boy or Girl?"

"We don't know. Polly wants to tell you first, but the baby is doing okay I know that much. Mom was with her in theatre and she's sworn to secrecy. It's just about killing her not being able to say."

Kim had called Adam as soon as she got out of surgery. Polly was in recovery and Kim had escorted the baby to the nursery and stayed for a few minutes while they settled the baby in. She took some photos and a video so that she was able to tell Polly when she woke what was happening and show her that her baby was doing well. "Adam." She was a blubbering mess; the stress of the past hour suddenly overwhelmed her.

"What's wrong? Is Polly okay?"

"She is, she had an abruption and started to bleed again, they had to deliver the baby. She's had the baby."

"Oh god, and?" Adam's heart was barely beating.

"They are both fine, they are fine." She sounded like she was trying to convince herself and that didn't make Adam feel good at all. "Polly is still in recovery; she had a C-section. The baby is in the nursery and Polly wants to wait until Sam knows before I tell you what it is, she made me promise." Right now Kim had no idea if Polly even knew what she'd had.

"Are they both okay? Is Polly okay, please tell me she is okay?" Adam was beside himself; he should have been there with them both. He needed to be with this wife and daughter but he couldn't leave his granddaughter. He looked at Lola who was stretched out beside him on the bed and sound asleep and squeezed his eyes shut.

"She is." Kim sobbed. "Adam, I was terrified, Polly was so distraught, she just wanted to wait for Sam and when they told her she couldn't wait because the baby wouldn't make it, god Adam she was so scared."

"Do you want me to come up?"

"No, stay with Lola. How is she?" Adam told her that she was sleeping and Jolene was just out feeding her parking meter so he did slip up and spend a few minutes with Kim while they waited for Polly to come out of recovery. Jolene rang to say that Lola was stirring and calling out for him so he dashed back downstairs to be with her, she needed him the most right now. Kim appreciated her husband's strong arms for the few minutes she got them.

Lola adored her grandparents, all three of them but Adam had been with her from the start of this whole nightmare and she was clinging to him like her life depended on it. If she was happy she would sit on her Grandma's lap and read stories with her but the moment she got tired or her arm started to hurt she wanted her Pops.

Sam smashed his hand into the dashboard. "Fuck, this is a fucking nightmare." He tried Polly's phone again but got nothing. "Why the fuck is her phone off?"

"Sam, Polly's just out of surgery, she had a general." Gus was doing his best to calm him down, it felt like those situations at work when someone is on the edge and you are desperately trying to talk them down without spooking them. "Mom says its routine that they have taken the baby to the nursery. They always do after a C-Section, they were worried about fetal distress apparently but Polly's come through surgery without complications."

"Fetal distress?" That never sounded good. He closed his eyes and willed himself to keep it together. This was getting worse by the minute and he wanted Gus to hurry the fuck up.

"The Baby's heart rate shot up when Polly started to bleed. They got her into surgery and delivered the baby pretty quickly. That's all I know and they both came through that fine." Gus rested his hand briefly on his brother-in-law's forearm. "Mom says the baby is screaming like a banshee. It's healthy and doing well."

"Then why isn't it with Polly?" It felt fucking stupid to be calling the baby an 'it', this was his child, his baby wasn't an 'it'. He just wanted to know and damn Polly for keeping it a secret. He had no right to be angry with her, he knew why she was doing it but that didn't really matter right now in his chaotic state. He had another child who he knew nothing about, his wife had emergency surgery and his daughter was hurt, this was the very definition of a fucking nightmare.

"I don't know, you know they will do what's best for them. Hudson pulled in some favours. They've all got the cream of the crop looking after them, all three of them."

It did little to calm Sam's nerves though. He just needed to get there and lay eyes on them. He needed to see Polly. "Is Kim still with Pol?"

"She hasn't left her side." They had let Kim in and sit with Polly in recovery and she had told her about her baby and it was harrowing for Kim seeing her so upset and devastated that the baby was all alone and that Sam had missed the birth.

Irrationally he tried the number again and got the same result and he banged his head on the headrest in frustration. So he called Kim.

"Hey Sam, Polly's still sleeping, she's back in her room now." She whispered into the phone until she slipped out of the room, she didn't want to wake Polly who would burst into tears as soon as she opened her eyes. She was desperate to see Sam and as much as she appreciated her mother being with her she wanted her husband. Every time she woke she asked where Sam was and it was breaking Kim's heart when she told her that he wasn't here yet. "He doesn't even know." She'd sob and close her eyes again.

"Is she okay?"

"She is, she's waiting to see you. She did really well and the baby is doing well." Sam tried to ask Kim about the baby but she refused to give him anything apart from the basic facts that it was doing well, there were no complications and they were happy with things so far. Polly really wanted to be the one to tell him and she thought that was really sweet and after everything they'd just been through it was the only thing Polly kept talking about, telling Sam about their baby. Kim wasn't ruining that moment for her, it was the only bit of joy Polly had.

They had planned, like they had done for Lola for Sam to deliver the baby and now that was all shot to bits and this was the only thing Polly had asked for besides asking to wait for Sam to arrive. She didn't want to have the baby without him but they had no choice and she didn't want to endanger her baby and knew that Sam wouldn't want that either so this was it for her; she wanted to tell Sam about their new baby.

Kim didn't stay on the phone for long and Sam just couldn't talk to her anymore. It was too upsetting and as much as he wanted to talk to Polly he didn't want to upset her either, he knew how devastated she would be and it would break his heart even more if he heard her cry. If Gus would stop driving like an old man he'd be there soon enough.

"How's Lola?" He asked Gus, he needed to change the subject, not that this was much better.

"She's sleeping apparently. When I left to come here she was curled up with Dad, your Mom is with them too."

"That's because they drugged her to the fucking eyeballs." Sam snapped as he dialled Adam's number.

"Hey man, you here?"

"Not yet. Gus is driving like a fucking old man. I thought you sent him so he could cut through all this bullshit traffic."

Adam needed to calm him down a little, even the few words he had spoken he could tell how agitated he was and he couldn't blame him. "He's getting you here in one piece. That's his job. We don't need anymore drama today."

"Is Lola okay?"

"She is, she's asleep with your Mom right now. We are going to stay with her. Hey hug and kiss my baby."

"Which one?"

"Good point. All three of them." He could only imagine how spun out Sam was. "Hey Kid, you know shit happens and we've covered you. They haven't been alone for one second, either of them. We've looked after them for you."

"I know, I appreciate it I still feel like the worlds biggest asshole though."

Gus dropped him off at the door and he was breathing heavily by the time he made it up to maternity after taking the stairs two at a time rather than wait for the lift. The front desk pointed him in the direction of Polly's room and Kim's head snapped up when Sam charged through the door. She vacated her seat beside Polly and squeezed Sam's hand as he took her spot and Kim left them alone.

Leaning on the bed he watched her sleep for just a second before brushing the hair back from her forehead and kissing her softly to let her know he was there. "Hey Sweetheart." His forehead was resting on hers as she opened her eyes. He was already crying and Polly burst into tears when she realised it was her husband sitting beside her. He kissed her watery cheeks and lips.

"You're here? I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey. Don't say that. It's not your fault." Sam kept touching her face softly, wiping away her tears and whispering how much he loved her until she opened her eyes again. "I'm here now. I'm so glad you are okay? I was so worried about you. You know how much I love you, right?"

Polly nodded slightly. "Have you seen her?"

"Her?"

"It's a girl Sam." He hoped Polly wasn't crying because she thought he only wanted a boy. He wanted a healthy baby and wife and right now he was worried he had neither.

"Yay. Perfect, I bet she is beautiful like you and her sister." Her lips were salty from her tears and Sam used his thumbs to catch as many of them as he could.

"Are you disappointed?"

"No, not even a little bit. I love girls. Have you seen her?"

"No." Polly sobbed. "Mom said they took her straight away and she didn't cry like Lola did when she was born but they said that's normal. Mom said she was crying when they took her to the nursery. There is a photo and video on my phone." She had been desperate to go down to the nursery but had to wait until she was a little more awake and stable. Her blood pressure was still high even though they bought her back to the ward. "Mom held her for a little bit, so that's good." Polly sounded like she was trying to convince herself that she was okay with that but Sam was onto her, she wasn't even close to being okay and he couldn't blame her, Polly would just want to hold her baby and he did too. He wanted to hold her and tell her he loved her and he wanted to see Polly with her baby.

Sam grabbed her phone off the cabinet and resting his head on Polly's they both looked at the photos and video of their little girl crying her heart out. "She's beautiful, like you." All he could see was her face as she was bundled up tightly in a humidicrib and the sound of her crying was heartbreaking but music to their ears. "And I'm glad she's at least had a cuddle from her Mimi."

"Have you seen Lola?"

"No, I spoke to Adam a little while ago and she is asleep. I wanted and needed to see you first."

"Okay." A midwife came in pushing a wheelchair for Polly. "Now that Dad's here do you want to go meet your daughter? I think she deserves a cuddle from Mom and Dad for being such a good girl."

"Is she okay?" Sam could hear the anxiousness in Polly's voice.

"She is causing a bit of a fuss down there. She's a little hungry and telling all who will listen." They had already came in and helped Polly start pumping some milk so that she could start feeding but Polly was desperate to get her on her breast. She knew how important those first hours were and how precious those first few moments where when Lola found her way and fed for the first time.

It was slow going for Polly trying to get her out of bed. The surgery had knocked her about on top of the fall and it was her first time even sitting up for hours. Nothing was going to keep her away from her baby any longer though, pain or no pain and Sam was just as keen to meet his daughter. He held Polly's hand as the midwife wheeled them into the nursery and wiped away his own tears as they placed their little girl in Polly's arms from the first time. She was screaming blue murder and momentarily quietened down as Polly and Sam both kissed her forehead. "Hello my darling girl." Polly whispered. "Mommy and Daddy love you so much. We are so happy to meet you."

She was the spitting image of Lola, just smaller. Weighing in at 5lbs 9ozs she was being kept warm in the humidicrib due to the fact that she couldn't maintain her temperature. When they got her out they covered both of them with a warmed blanket so that she could have skin on skin contact and Sam helped Polly try and feed her. She opened her eyes wide when she finally got the nipple in her mouth and they could see her big beautiful eyes but she was barely able to suck for more than a minute or two before she drifted off to sleep.

Polly and Sam were a little overwhelmed as Dr Wilkins came to talk to them about the baby and what to expect. They were concerned about her temperature control and that her suck reflex was a little weak so they were going to put a tube down to make sure she was getting enough, apparently being hypoglycaemic was not good for her either and she wasn't getting enough milk which made Polly feel like shit. They agreed to let her have banked breast milk if needed and it surprised Sam that he had to sign permission for her to receive anything other than Polly's own milk. While they were there they decided to pop on some nasal prongs as she was tiring quite quickly and dropping her sats. So far all her tests had been good but they were sending her for a MRI in the morning just to check she didn't have any brain bleeds or internal injuries due to the fall or the abruption.

It felt like they were in some kind of alternate reality and Sam could feel Polly's devastation as she squeezed his hand tighter and tighter with her free hand and held the baby closer to her chest. Sam slipped one hand under the blanket and rested his hand on his daughter's tiny back. Feeling her breathing and her warm soft skin under his hand calmed him a little.

Sam was able to have a short cuddle and he was mesmerized as he talked to his daughter. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you come into our world, but I am so glad you are here. You are beautiful, so tiny and perfect. I love you baby girl. You belong with us." They set Polly up with a breast pump and got her pumping while they were still in the nursery and gave the milk to the baby straight away. She would need to do this so they could give her some milk but the more Polly could come down and feed her the better, but that would start tomorrow. Tonight was about stabilising the baby and getting Polly to rest and recover. Eventually Sam could see that Polly was starting to tire a little and they had put the baby back in her humidicrib when she started to drop her temperature, that didn't mean she didn't cry all the way back to her room even though Sam convinced her she needed to get some rest. "Can we go see Lola?" Polly knew that Sam would say no but she was desperate to see her.

"Not right now Sweetheart. She's sleeping, as you should be." He did agree to ask Adam to send them a video of Lola sleeping just to satisfy Polly that they weren't lying to her. Polly still had her IV in so visiting Lola would be difficult and they didn't want to upset her either by seeing Polly with all that stuff going on.

"I need to wake up every three hours and pump." Being told that the baby wasn't getting enough milk was a bitter blow for Polly, she was tiny and vulnerable and needed all the help she could get and Polly's breast milk was the best thing for her. Her struggle with feeding Lola didn't help Polly right now and she was scared she couldn't give her daughter what she needed.

Her birth had been traumatic and if Polly needed to do this for their newborn daughter then he would support her completely. "I know, I will set my alarm and make sure you do."

"You should go stay with Lola."

"No, I am staying with you tonight. Lola is sleeping, Your Mom and Dad are with her." Sam knew that his Mom was going home and would be back first thing in the morning. Right now Lola wanted her Pops and Adam wasn't going anywhere. They had given Kim permission to spill the beans, although apart from family they asked that they didn't really announce it to the world just yet. They would do that in their own good time and when they knew a bit more about what was going on.

Adam was dozing in the chair when Kim snuck in and Jolene was on the bed with Lola. It was the first time that Kim had seen Lola since Polly was taken upstairs and she kissed her little cheek softly before waking Adam up. "Sam's with Polly now." She whispered.

"And?"

"Lots of tears." Kim decided to wake Jolene. "Do you want to see a video?" They crowded around Kim's phone and stared at the video of the tiny baby. "It's a girl, we have another beautiful granddaughter. No name yet. I think they are too overwhelmed right now. She's perfect and weighs 5lb 9ozs so is a little tiny but it's so far so good. She's in the nursery and will be at least for now and aside from that I don't know much else."

Kim sent Gus the photo also; he had dropped Sam off before briefly sticking his head in on his Dad and Lola and had gone back to work. _'Just to make your night go quicker, here's a cute little photo of Lola's baby sister. She's doing really well and Polly and Sam are having their first cuddle now.'_

Sam snuck downstairs just after 6am. Polly had just woken and pumped some milk, not that she got much out and was back asleep again. Lola was still asleep when he crept into her room and climbed onto the bed with her. Kim was asleep in the recliner beside her bed and Adam was stretched out on a foldaway bed in the corner.

He kissed her sweet little head gently and closed his eyes for a few minutes. They'd been up and down all night and had spent a lot of time talking. They had even quickly visited the baby again in the middle of the night when Polly woke up and was beside herself with worry. It was only a quick visit and they weren't allowed to hold her, as she hadn't done well maintaining her temperature. It made Polly feel worse, not better seeing her and seeing both of them cry broke Sam's heart. Her weak little cries were hard to listen too and she seemed annoyed by all the tubes coming out of her.

"Daddy." His eyes shot open when her heard her sleepy voice.

"Hey Chicken."

"Daddy. I hurt."

"I know. Let me kiss it better." He leant over and kissed her cast. "I missed you so much."

Both Adam and Kim sat bolt upright when Lola screamed. She had tried to give her Daddy a hug and moving her arm suddenly was agony for her. Sam looked horrified; this is what it felt like to be stabbed in the heart. "Lola, don't move sweetheart. Please don't move." He couldn't handle seeing her in so much pain and understood now why Hudson insisted that she be sedated last night.

"I want cuddle." She demanded through her sobs. "I want Daddy cuddles."

The nurses came in and gave her more pain medication and Sam sat on the bed and cuddled her while he tried to distract her. "Hey Lola. Do you want to see a photo of your little sister? Our baby is a girl."

Sam showed her a few photos and a video of him cuddling the baby. They decided not to show her the video of Polly because they didn't want her to think that Polly had left her because of the baby, even if that was the reality of it all. Polly was also crying in the video and Sam didn't want Lola to see that either. "Can I have a cuddle?"

"Soon Chicken."

"Does Mommy love baby?"

'Yes she does, like she loves you, like Daddy loves you and I love the baby too." Lola was still clutching Sam's phone as the meds kicked in and she dozed off in his arms.

"How's Polly?" Adam had stayed behind while Kim ducked upstairs to see her.

"Devastated. I don't know what to do."

"Of course you do. You just love her."

"Its not that easy though is it? I mean I feel like that's not enough. She just wants to hold her baby."

"She will soon. It's tough man, Gus was only away from us for one night and Kim was a mess. How long do they think GD2 will be in the nursery?"

"GD2?"

"Grand Daughter 2." Adam had already nicknamed her and unfortunately it was likely to stick. They hadn't even come close to agreeing on a name yet. It was small list but they wanted to get to know her a little more before they saddled her with a name and not being able to hold her much wasn't helping, so GD2 it was. They had been so clear on Charlotte and had decided that one early, this time around it was a bit more of a challenge.

"Not sure. She's having some more tests today, a brain scan just to check her over after the fall and because of the bleed."

"Crap."

"Yep. Fucking sucks." Sam kissed Lola's head that was tucked under his chin. "So Chicken Little was good?"

"Goodish. She really doesn't do sitting still well does she? The Ortho guy should be in soon, he said he'd drop by early on his way to his clinic at Lakeshore."

"I'd like to see him. Why don't you go up and see Polly? I know she loves her Dad cuddles, like this one does." He kissed Lola's head. "Maybe they will let you see the baby too? Just ask Polly." Adam had been desperate to see Polly but knew his best spot was with Lola. She had still been in recovery when Adam slipped up to see Kim and had stayed with Lola ever since. "Tell Polly I will be back once I've talked to Lola's doctor."

Sam closed his eyes once Adam left. He felt torn, he wanted to spend every minute with Polly and their new baby but he couldn't leave Lola either. She had been through enough the past day, breaking her arm, being reefed away from her Mother and not having her Dad around. They were lucky that both their families were able and willing to help and they wouldn't have thought twice about it and for that he was grateful but for Sam all his girls were hurting one way or the other and he was only one man, he just hoped that he was enough for them.


	44. GD2

"Sweet Pea." Adam knocked lightly on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Polly was sitting up having some breakfast, and by that it meant she was forcing down a lukewarm cup of tea and cold toast under her mother's watchful eye. "Where's Sam? Is Lola awake?"

"They are having some long overdue cuddles so I though I would come up and throw around some Daddy cuddles too. Because you know, you'll always be my baby girl." He strode across the room and enveloped his daughter in his arms. "How are you?"

"Well everything hurts and I don't have my babies with me." Adam just held her a little tighter and a little longer and then perched on the side of her bed. The room was like any other hospital room, bland and because it wasn't overflowing with flowers and balloons celebrating the newest arrival it was a bit depressing. He was going to change that soon enough.

"So tell me about GD2?" Kim snorted and Adam just waved her away.

"Grand Daughter 2 right?"

"You know that husband of yours had to ask, but you know me so well you didn't even need to. Just when I thought he might finally be good enough for you, he lets me down." Adam chuckled.

"Hey, he's doing alright."

"Of course he is, look what he's given us. Two beautiful Granddaughters to love and spoil."

Polly's face lit up as she told her Dad about his new granddaughter. "Do you want to meet her?" It was a stupid question. When Kim had arrived Polly was still asleep but when she woke she expressed some milk and Kim and her midwife insisted that she eat something before they would let her down to the nursery so she was ready to go now and Adam's timing was perfect.

Kim let Adam go in with Polly first as she had got to cuddle her for a few moments when she was first born. Polly could hear her the moment they stepped foot in the nursery and she was hungry and angry. It had been a slow walk down the hall but Polly was determined to get back on her feet as soon as possible. They got her out for Polly and helped latch her on, not that she was willing to put a lot of effort in when she did get to suck but she did like being cuddled. They'd told her that she was a feisty one and didn't like being cuddled by anyone but she was quiet now she was in her Mom's arms so Polly wanted to hold her the entire time and it was devastating when she couldn't.

Adam crouched down in front of his girls and gently stroked her soft dark hair. "Hey Beautiful Girl, aren't we a little drama queen? Pops is getting too old for this nonsense." He leant down close to her and whispered. "We love you so much little girl, and your Mom, and sister and your Dad too. Welcome to the world, you've got no idea how much I love all my Ruzek women but you'll see soon enough." He kissed her softly and looked up at Polly. "She's beautiful Sweet Pea. I'm so proud of you."

"You must be Dad?" Sam was still sitting up on the bed with Lola on his lap, and now that she was awake again they were reading a book having demolished some toast and fruit. Sam had tucked up pillow up under her arm to support it and she seemed to be learning not to move it. The doctor shook his hand and introduced himself. "Paul Murchison. I hear you missed all the drama? Hudson filled me in when he asked me to come take a look."

"Unfortunately yes and we really appreciate your help."

"I bet your wife is keen to see this one? I must say she's been a star patient."

"She is. Polly's a little stressed so some good news on Lola's arm would cheer her up."

Paul sat on the edge of the bed and started talking to Lola. He asked her about her Dad and talked about Sam's work before even getting to her arm. "Can you tell me Lola, does it hurt?"

"Yes. I cry lots. That made Pops sad."

"That's okay though. You are allowed to cry." He was gentle with her and Sam could feel that Lola was comfortable talking to him as long as she had her Dad close by. "Did you have a big sleep?"

"Yes, and then Daddy was here."

"Well, what a nice surprise."

"Surprise." She chanted moving a little quickly and they both noticed her grimace. Paul checked her fingers and asked Lola to wave at him.

"It looks good. I will just get another x-ray before you leave to make sure that it hasn't moved at all. It was a pretty minor break which considering her tumble was a miracle. I do want her to keep taking the pain meds for a few more days, make sure she has them every four hours because we want to avoid the peaks and troughs that you get if you only give it to her when she complains of pain. Doing it that way just makes the whole thing drag on. I will also write you up for some meds to take at night for at least the next two nights to make sure she sleeps. Knowing four year olds they thrash about quite a bit and we don't want that."

"How long will she have the cast?"

"Six weeks, maybe less. I will want to see her in a month and we will do another x-ray then and see what it looks like."

The good news was that Lola could go home today, they just needed to work out how that was going to happen. There was no way she was going to let Sam go just yet and he needed to be here with Polly today, things were up in the air with the baby right now and he wasn't leaving Polly alone. He also wasn't sure whether they should let Lola see Polly or not and that was not going to go down well with either of them if he decided to even suggest keeping them apart. Lola had already asked him several times if she could go see Mommy.

Kim went in to see the baby briefly when Adam went back down to stay with Lola. He knew how desperate Sam would be to be with Polly and the baby. She wasn't able to have a cuddle this time as she had started to tire a little too much trying to feed. They needed to get her back into her crib but Polly sat at her bedside, stroking her hand through the porthole and that's where Sam found her, gazing at their beautiful sweet little girl. Sam had slipped out when Lola was asleep because he had tried to tell her that he needed to go back and see Mommy but she was having none of it.

Polly was delighted that Lola was able to go home but she did want to see her before then and also let her meet her new baby sister. Adam, Kim and Jolene bought her up and Sam took his mother down to meet the baby so that Polly could spend some time with Lola before they both took her down to see the baby. They took her in and she could only look at her sister through the humidicrib and she didn't really get what was going on but they felt better explaining to Lola that Mommy and Daddy had to stay here for a few days and look after her. Not that it made her leaving any prettier and it had upset Polly listening to her screaming for her as they left.

Sam ended up going with her so he could pick up some clothes for Polly and they did agree that Lola should stay at her own house in the hope that she would cope better. The screaming match wasn't much better when Sam went to leave but at least Polly didn't have to hear it. "No Daddy, No." she lunged at him and Sam was scared she was going to hurt her arm. "Stay with Lola. I hurt, you stay."

"I need to take some clothes back to Mommy."

"I come too."

"You need to stay with Grandma. I need you to be a big girl and help Daddy out."

"No No No." she wailed.

"Charlotte, stop it. I need to go." Sam got frustrated with her, which wasn't helpful. He was tired, he was stressed and worried about the baby because Polly had messaged him to say she had been taken her for her MRI so he needed to be back before the results came in. No way was he missing that or letting Polly deal with it on her own; it was bad enough that he wasn't there with her right now while she was waiting. He handed her to his Mom and tried to ignore the sobbing and screaming as he walked out of the house and he was still pissed off when he got back to the hospital.

"What's wrong?" Polly picked up on his mood with just the feeling, or lack of it in his kiss.

"Charlotte is making things hard."

He started unpacking Polly's bag and she watched him for a minute or two. "Baby, don't be mad at her. This has been traumatic for her."

"I know Polly." He snapped. "It's not easy for anyone."

"She doesn't understand. She misses you when you go away and now you are back and then she's alone again and she is hurt." They had talked about Lola during the night but neither of them had seen her and knew how she was going to cope, as it turned out it was as bad as they expected. Polly did think that Sam would be a little more tolerant though.

"I don't need you to make me feel worse than I already do."

"I know you are pissed off."

"I am not pissed Polly, I'm fucking terrified okay?"

"Hey." She leant over, ignoring how much it hurt and put her hand on his arm. "Hey Baby, I know. I am too."

He paused what he was doing, resting his hands on the cabinet beside her bed. "What if she's not okay?" He asked quietly.

"Then it's my fault."

"What? What the fuck Polly, don't you dare." That pissed Sam off even more and he snapped his head up quickly. "It's not your fault. Maybe if I were here Lola wouldn't have been so wild, maybe we would have gone shopping together. I should have been here. It was selfish."

"Sam, stop it." Polly tried to get out of bed but Sam stopped her. "Just stop. I am not fighting about this with you. That's our baby, she's our daughter and what does it matter? We won't love her any less."

"No. Baby I just want to fix all this. I hate that I wasn't here. I hate that you don't have your baby here with you. I hate that she didn't get the perfect birth. She was hours old before I touched her." He was struggling with that, Lola's birth was perfect, they'd held her first, her hands were the first hands she knew and now this baby knew everyone else's touch before their own and they couldn't be with her. "You know when Gus told me that you'd had a C-section I almost stopped breathing." His voice was starting to shake and Polly held his hands tightly. "I hated that you had to go through that alone."

"Can I just say something?" Polly tugged on his hands until he came closer and looked at her. "I love you. You are the love of my life and my two little girls are lucky to have you as their Dad. I love you Sam. You've been a dream come true for me, I keep thinking about of all the days I've spent with you, our wedding, Lola's birth, today knowing we have two beautiful daughters, the day you were in that meeting, the day at the zoo, the day you came back but it all comes back to one thing, the best thing I ever did was agree to go on that first date with you, because that started all this. I wouldn't have all this if I had said No. I love you so much Sam."

"I never wanted to let you down."

"And you haven't yet. I love you."

He eventually smiled at his wife. "So you keep saying."

It was such a relief when the midwife stuck her head in to let them know that she was back in the nursery and Sam helped Polly out of the bed and they walked down to the nursery so they could wait with her for the Doctor to come and discuss her results. Sam was able to have a cuddle once Polly had fed her and she settled into his arms peacefully while Polly pumped some more milk. She had been screaming when they arrived and again as soon as she was with her parents she settled. It was an amazing feeling being able to comfort her when no-one else could and Polly was right, it didn't matter what the future held for her they would love her anyway, more than life itself. They already did.

"So, good news." Dr Wilkins looked happy. "Her MRI was clear, no signs of any bleeds so that's the best possible outcome. Her bloods all look good and it's just the temperature control and feeding that we need to keep an eye on. She also seems to get tired quite quickly and drop her sats but that is not unexpected."

"How long will she be here?"

"At this stage don't expect to take her home this week." The Doctor reassured them that they weren't particularly worried about anything. "We are just going to keep an eye on her for another day or two in here, she needs to be feeding much better and for longer. Don't worry, you are doing great." He noticed Polly's look of devastation. "There is not much more you can do, it's up to her now and she will get the hang of it, she just needs to build up her strength and considering how feisty she seems that shouldn't take long."

It was unlikely that Polly would be going home soon either. She could stay up to five days and considering that the C-section came after a fall she wasn't as mobile as she wanted to be. Her obstetrician also preferred her to stay a little longer because of having Lola at home. Toddler and C-Sections didn't mix well.

They finally sent out a birth notice once all her tests came back clear.

 _'When you are in the middle of the Utah desert the last thing you want to hear is that you are about to become a father again… and by about to, I mean right now. After a whirlwind few hours, frantic phone calls, an ambulance ride for Lola and Polly, a mad dash to get a flight for me, a broken arm for Lola and an emergency C-section we are beyond delighted to announce the safe arrival of our new little drama queen._

 _Lola's little sister is doing well after her abrupt entrance into the world, she weighs in at 5lb 9oz and is pure perfection. Polly is recovering from a tough few hours, Lola is at home resting with her broken arm proudly in a pink cast and I am catching my breath. We are in love with our little girl and trying to get in as many cuddles with her as possible, unfortunately she has a few days in the NICU ahead of her but she is doing well and Polly is doing an amazing job. She certainly does love her cuddles though and we love giving them to her. Love Polly, Sam & Lola & Baby Girl Hollister.'_

Gus was waiting in Polly's room when they got back from the nursery, the baby was asleep so it was suggested that Polly go get some rest too. "So how is my niece?" he hugged Polly and helped her back into bed and pulled up a chair and stayed to chat while Sam ducked out to get an update from work. He'd ignored it for as long as possible and it had been the last thing on his mind for the past day. He had let them know that he had arrived, that Polly had the baby and all was going okay.

"Causing havoc. She's a grumpy bugger." And she was and the nurses were always commenting that she definitely let them know when she'd had enough touching, when she was hungry and she'd already pulled off her nasal prongs and tried to get her feeding tube out.

"That's because she's waiting to meet Uncle Gus."

"If you want to think that, go ahead."

"How's my Lola Bear?"

"She's shitty too. Doesn't want to stay at home, her arm is going to be okay and she doesn't need surgery which is such a relief but she is pretty pissed off and Sam said she was really upset when he left."

"How about I go take her out for ice-cream or something completely inappropriate? She loves Uncle Bus time. Maybe I'll take her in the squad car or Rhiannon and I can have her sleep over." Polly knew her family and Sam's would help them out with Lola but she just wanted to be at home with both her girls.

"So I know Dad has earmarked her as GD2 but does my niece have a name?"

"Not yet. We can't decide. Like Charlotte looked like a Charlotte and she was so laid back and seemed like a pretty little girl."

"She is a pretty little girl, even with Sam's genes."

"Sam's genes run strong." Polly laughed. "GD2 however seems a bit feisty so that's left us a bit stumped. She's still pretty though, just feisty. She looks like Lola."

"So no denying who her Daddy is?"

"Well no, that and the fact that I only have sex with Sam so it kind rules anything else out."

"You could have used a sperm donor for all I know." Gus teased his sister.

"Trust me, those two are straight from his gun."

Gus scoffed at her as he pulled out his phone and started googling; that was a conversation he wasn't interested to taking any further. "What about Augusta? The female version of Angus in honour of the world's greatest uncle."

"Augusta Adamaris. Try and get that past Sam, I dare you." Polly really wanted to see Gus try those names on Sam. He certainly always had strong opinions on names and wasn't afraid to veto names before Polly even got them out of her mouth sometimes.

"So Rhiannon's going to swing by later and see you."

"I am not going anywhere."

Gus looked at Polly nervously. "So, I don't want to rain on your parade, you weren't supposed to have GD2 just yet so I thought we had some time up our sleeve."

"Gus…" Polly drawled. "Are you going to be a Daddy?"

"No, god no. I hope not, I thought I'd tried husband first." He shrugged. "You know, old school."

"You're engaged?" Polly was ecstatic and she threw her arms around her brother, she momentarily forgot how much pain she was still in and the sudden movement quickly reminded her but she loved Rhiannon and was so happy for them that it was worth the short term agony. "That's awesome."

"So we haven't told Mom and Dad yet, I didn't want to take the shine of GD2. I didn't want you to think we were trying to steal your thunder."

"You have to tell them. Mom will cry, Dad will say something dumb but they will be so happy." This had made Polly's day. It had been hard to be happy when she felt like everything was a little shit right now. Nothing had gone to plan so Gus's news was very welcomed.

"I hope so. Rhiannon is pretty excited, but I'll let her tell you the story."

"You can't leave it at that?"

"Yes I can. Just like you can not tell me the name of my niece. She's a nameless child, like an orphan."

"Don't call her that, it's Baby Girl Hollister. I want to get it perfect and we haven't spent enough time with her." Polly was surprised at the unexpected sob that escaped her and she buried her face in her hands.

"Hey." Gus inched forward and removed her hands from her face. "It may not be ideal but I do know that she'll know how much you love her, she'll feel it."

"I just want to hold her and kiss her and touch her all the time."

"I know. Soon Pol, she's a fighter, she's part Ruzek, part Hollister and I know that asshole is a tough bugger too."

"He's the best part of me."

"Nah. You are the best part of him." Polly nodded. "He passes muster. I think we are lucky, we both found good people. I guess Mom and Dad did good hey?"

"I love you Angus." Polly only ever called him Angus when she was either really mad with him or wanted him to know that she was speaking from her heart. Right now this was from her heart.

Sam walked in to find them in the fiercest of hugs and loved how happy Polly was right now and she squealed Gus's news as soon as she saw her husband.

Sam took him down to meet his niece while Polly expressed some milk for the baby. "I am pretty sure that Rhiannon has already planned to have Lola Bear and Augusta as her flower girls, which I guess means I've got a good year to wait."

"Augusta?" Sam was more than a little bemused. "Yeah Nah, man not happening."

"Polly thought you'd say that."

"Not sure you'll get Kim waiting that long. Have you told them?"

"Nah, not yet. I wanted to talk to Polly first. I wanted to cheer her up because I know how miserable she'll be with all this drama with the baby and Lola and I didn't want you to think that we are kinda stealing your thunder. Augusta is big news."

"She is, and she's not going to be called Augusta." Sam snuck him into the nursery, as it was pretty quiet right now. "Nor is it going to be any derivative of Adam."

Gus peered into her humidicrib. Right now, for a change she was sleeping and peaceful. "Ah, you are one cute little bub." He cooed. "She's pretty sweet mate."

"We think she's a bit alright."

Gus slipped one hand into her crib and touched his niece's hand. "Hey GD2, welcome to the circus little one."


	45. Come What May

Lola suddenly started carrying on at the top of her voice and that bought Kim running from the kitchen to find out what the commotion was. She was standing at the front window and jumping up and down. "Mommy and Daddy." She screamed. Every time they came home Lola was beside herself particularly since Polly was usually gone all day but they were home within two hours of leaving.

Kim actually squealed with her and then they both bolted for the front door. "Adam" she yelled for her husband's attention. He was patching some walls in the downstairs office, the house wasn't quite finished yet and this was the last room that needed painting. It wasn't really planned to do it right now but with all the time that they had spent at the house looking after Lola he thought he may as well get stuck into it. "Adam."

After helping Polly out of the car Sam opened the back door and reached in and came out with the car seat and that could only mean one thing. Their baby was home.

"You're home?" Both Kim and Lola flew across the front yard. Everyone had long realised that the cast hadn't slowed Lola down for more than a day or two.

"Yes, finally." Polly leant on Sam's arm and gingerly lowered herself down so she could kiss and hug Lola even though she had only seen her a few hours ago. It had taken her a good few days to learn that Mommy couldn't pick her up yet despite her often desperate attempts to cling to Polly when she was leaving. Polly stood back up and grabbed Lola's hand and headed inside as Kim fussed over Sam and her tiny grand daughter. "They were sick of our nagging."

Adam scooped Lola up as he met them at the front door and let her peer into the carrier. "Hi Mae." She cooed at her sister. "Welcome home."

Mabel Elizabeth Ruzek Hollister, or Mae as she was known was sound asleep and blissfully unaware of all the fuss around her. She'd had a rough couple of weeks after developing jaundice and she needed a couple of days of phototherapy, which further limited their ability to cuddle her and slowed down her feeding and that set her back a bit so rather than spending a week in hospital it suddenly become two and the travelling back and forth each day was really getting Polly down. It was hard on everyone.

Mae, unlike her sister though had taken to feeding like a duck to water once she got the hang of it and she no longer seemed so pissed off with the world. Polly was hoping they would let them bring her home in the next few days. Typically Polly would have gone back in and spent a few days rooming in with Mae but when the Doctor came in and Mae had fed well and put on weight they begged to let them take her home, claiming that their eldest daughter was really struggling not having them around and it wasn't Polly's first spin around the dance floor. When the Doctor agreed they were out the door like a shot. They also had the benefit of Hudson looking out for them and played that card hard. Hudson had been in checking on them almost daily and Sam and Polly appreciated it.

Polly was still restricted to no lifting, nothing heavier than Mae anyway and she had more than enough 'guards' making sure she was doing as she was told. It could frustrate Polly at times but she knew everyone was just trying to help. Polly spent most days at the hospital, Sam had gone back to work when Ada arrived safe and sound and she was settling in well so he would join Polly after work and bring her home in time for dinner with Lola and he always stopped in on his way into work for a cuddle and to spend some time with his youngest daughter. Even when she was home Polly had to set the alarm day and night to pump off her milk and take it in for Mae, Lola was fascinated to begin with but soon got sick of having to stop what they were doing so that Polly could 'milk' herself, as Sam called it. That was all Mae had, her own mother's milk and Polly was determined to provide for her daughter.

Polly hated leaving Mae in the hospital for someone else to care for but Lola didn't really cope well and both Polly and Sam really struggled with her some days. Their parents helped them out and didn't tell them the half of it; Lola had some really bad days where she told them she hated the baby. She just wanted to be with her Mom and Dad and it felt like they were pushing her aside and Lola lashed out a few times at everyone, even her Mom and that broke Polly's heart and she cried in Sam's arms once Lola was in bed. Polly took a day off from visiting Mae on the weekend to spend some time with just Lola and Sam and they took her on an outing to the aquarium and to lunch and she had been ecstatic to have them all to herself.

Sam could see that Polly hated being away from her baby though and once Lola was asleep that night she begged Sam to take her in to see Mae. Gus and Rhiannon came over and sat with Lola while they both went in and he dragged her away four hours later, completely exhausted and heartbroken. The thought of not seeing her for a whole day was too much for Polly and Sam missed her too. No-one told you how to deal with things like this, how to be in two places at once and give everything you had to your daughters when they both had very different needs.

Sam snapped a photo of Polly, Lola and Mae together and sent it to his Mom. "Mae's peace and quiet is over. Come and say hello to my beautiful girls all cuddled up at home at last. I'm in heaven." It was perfect having them all at home after what had been a very trying and emotionally draining two weeks.

What Polly loved the most was watching Sam with his girls. He spent a lot of time with Lola while everyone fussed over Mae and then once Lola was in bed and they finally had a moment to themselves he refused to put Mae down after her feed instead lay her on his lap, unwrapped his precious girl and spent the next hour playing with her hands and toes and loving his little girl while she slept.

"You look happy?" Polly came back in from the kitchen where she got them both a drink, water for her and a beer for Sam. He leant back and smiled as she dragged a hand over his shoulder on her way past before sitting down next to him and leaning on his shoulder so she could watch him adore Mae. He was making up for lost time, Mae had been subjected to hundreds of different hands touching her and Sam was desperate that she know his. Any chance he had he was talking to her, touching her and kissing her. He was so in love with her and Polly loved to see it.

"All my girls under the same roof? I'm ecstatic. I just want to shut the door and hide in here with all of you for a few days."

"I'd like that."

"You make beautiful babies." He kissed Polly's cheek. "I knew coming back for you was the best idea I've ever had."

"Why thank you."

"Hey Polly, I don't want you to think that I am unhappy or disappointed in anyway. I was kind of surprised when you asked me if I was disappointed with another girl."

"I can see you are not." It was hard to miss how much Sam adored Mae. She loved that he would make sure he stopped in to see her everyday; he hadn't missed a day. Morning and night he was there for a cuddle and to spend time talking to her and even when he couldn't hold her his hand was always in the crib stroking her hand or foot. He was obsessed with her hands and feet. He was always kissing them, letting her fingers curl around his and hold on tight and he played with her feet constantly when she was in the humidicrib.

It was devastating for him when Mae was crying in her 'cage' as he called it and they couldn't comfort her. Sam would sit and hold her hand or stroke her back lightly or her foot while he was trying to soothe her. Listening to her cry was like stabbing him in the chest repeatedly and he would often bury his head in Polly's lap late at night and let it all out. Mae's birth affected Sam more than Lola's did, they thought Lola's birth was perfect and they loved the time they got alone with her in those first few minutes of her life. He couldn't do that with Mae and he felt guilty that he had missed her birth and that Polly had to go through it alone and now not being able to hold her and comfort her was difficult for Sam to process.

Sam had been the one who came up with her name. Polly was woken up by Sam as he climbed onto her bed before dawn one morning. The baby was four days old and still known as GD2 to their family and friends and Baby girl Hollister in the nursery. "What are you doing here?"

"Coming to see you." Gingerly she rolled over and accepted Sam's good morning kiss that went on just a little longer than usual. Sam felt tense but Polly felt him relax the longer the kiss lasted. "Ada arrives today so I need to get in early and I don't know how long I will be so I thought I'd come and see you two first."

"Where's Lola?"

"Mom stayed last night. I've been thinking too." He propped himself up on one elbow and ran his free hand over Polly's arm and curled his fingers around hers. He missed her being at home and they didn't get much time alone to talk, they were often in the nursery when Sam was here and that didn't give them much of a chance. Other times they had Lola or other visitors so Sam needed to come in early and have that time alone with just Polly. Touch had always been a big part of their relationship, they held hands, sat cuddled up together at night watching TV and just loved being close to each other.

"About what?"

"What about Mabel? We can call her Mae?" Like Charlotte rarely was called anything but Lola they liked that they had the choice of two names as they grew up. Lola could be Charlotte if she chose later on or could stay Lola; that was up to her. Only occasionally did they call her Charlotte and mostly when they were trying to get her attention or were annoyed with her. He watched her face and could usually tell if she like something or not by the look on her face and Polly didn't seem to hate it so that was a good start, and he really liked it. They'd already dismissed a lot of suggestions but the more he thought about Mabel the more he liked it.

"What do you think?" Sam sounded excited and they wanted her to have a name before Polly came home, which was likely to be in the next day or so.

Polly smiled "I think I like it. Do you want to go see her and see if she likes it?" Polly loved how happy Sam sounded as he helped her out of bed. It had only been three days since her operation and it was still pretty painful and Polly moved slowly but she refused to lie around and wallow. "What made you think of that?"

"I was talking to Mom last night and she was talking about our family history and apparently my Great Great Grandmother was called Mabel. I just liked it. Do you really like it?"

"I do. I think Mae is really sweet." They had tried out a lot of names on her and thought that perhaps something longer might work considering they all had short names. They loved Millicent, but didn't love that it would be shortened to Milly as it was too similar to Polly and that was one of the reasons that Charlotte was Lola and not Lottie, which was a more traditional abbreviation of Charlotte.

Once they got into the nursery the nurse got her out and Sam had a cuddle while she was still quiet. "Hey Darling, what do you think? You like Mabel? Shall we call you Mae? Our sweet little Mae?" Polly agreed that it was perfect and Mae looked up at her Dad wide-eyed and that settled it.

 _'While GD2 seems to have become a bit of a cult figure, we are delighted to introduce you formally to our little girl Mabel Elizabeth Ruzek Hollister. Mae is doing well, not enjoying her time in her cage all that much and letting everyone know how she feels. We are looking forward to having unlimited cuddles and taking her home soon.'_

Sam took two weeks leave as soon as Mae was released but the first weekend they didn't tell many people that they had come home and enjoyed the few days getting into the swing of being a family of four.

Polly encouraged Lola to get involved with caring for Mae when she could, which was difficult with her arm in a cast. She helped her Daddy bath her and would fetch things for Polly when she was changing her diaper or clothes when she managed to get shit from one end of her little body to the other. Lola was quick to declare it was disgusting and would gag and disappear if it was too bad.

They gave Lola plenty of time to hold Mae and never told her that she couldn't check on her or help. While Mae slept they spent time with Lola and Polly was exhausted by the end of the day as she tried to do it all. As soon as Lola slept, and she would often still have an afternoon nap Polly would try and sleep if Mae allowed it and Sam would do his best to keep her quiet for as long as possible. It wasn't always that easy, when she was awake she was hungry and only Polly had the equipment to deal with that.

"Daddy, Mae is 'gusting again." Lola rolled her eyes as she stormed out into the back yard to find her Dad, who was busy trying to get on top of the garden.

"Is she?"

"She is stinky like you." Every time Mae disgraced herself Polly would comment that she got that habit from her father and Lola would giggle, when she wasn't gagging that was.

"Thank you Darling."

"Why?"

"It means she is getting lots of Mommy's milk and that will make her grow big and strong like you are." He poked her playfully in the belly with the handle of this rake.

"And then we play?" That was all Lola wanted, she wanted to play with Mae and so far she had been a bit of a disappointment, she didn't do anything. Lola would sit up next to Polly and 'feed' her own baby, Crack. They knew precisely who to blame for her calling her doll Crack and it was Gus and his insistence that it looked like a crack baby. Mae was not interested in Lola and her baby and that annoyed her sister and once she had finished 'feeding' she dropped Crack on the couch and told Polly to put Mae down too.

"No I can't sweetie. When Mae is finished I will put her back in her bed and then we can make Daddy a coffee and take it out to him." Mae had then preceded to unload, she filled her diaper and bought up some milk at the same time and that sent Lola fleeing outside.

"Sam?" He really didn't love the use of his first name and he corrected her. "Daddy. Bus says Mae didn't come out of Mommy's 'bagina' like I did."

He dropped his rake and started to pick up the leaves that he had piled up. _'Fucking Gus.'_ He muttered under his breath. He was going to kill him. "No she didn't." He couldn't wait until Gus had kids because his list of paybacks was getting longer by the day.

"Why?" They loved her inquisitive mind but the 'why' question got old very quickly.

"Because Mommy had an accident and they needed to get Mae out quickly so they could help her and Mommy." Sam had talked about this with Lola on numerous occasions and she knew it happened in the fall, the one were she also broke her arm.

"Oh. How did she get in there?" Polly was much better equipped to handle this but she hated it when Sam just fobbed her off. They had told her that it was a seed from Daddy that helped Mommy's special baby egg become Mae and it was the same with her. It had satisfied her at the time and she didn't really care how it came about.

"She grew, like you did."

"Did Crack grow in my belly?"

"No Darling. We got Crack from the shop."

"Can I grow a new baby?"

"Not until you are 30." It was cute to see her curiosity but why couldn't she be asking about Ada or an animal or anything else for that matter. He was even better able to explain to her about Polly's breastfeeding and why Mae was getting milk from her. He was just grateful that none of Polly's family were here because he'd never hear the end of it. They would probably egg her on.

"Daddy?"

"Yes Chicken."

"Do I have a 'bagina?"

"Yes you do. So does Mae because you are both girls." He just kept picking up the leaves waiting for this to be over. At some point Lola would get distracted by something else and that moment couldn't come quick enough.

"For a baby to come out?"

"It's one of the things it does, yes. Remember though, nobody is allowed to touch your vagina."

"Because it's mine." She replied proudly. They had been busy telling her this for months now that no one was allowed to touch her where her swimmers were. Once she was able to understand about cleaning herself in the bath they let her do it. Sam was still horrified when Lola did more than wash herself but he knew that was all part of growing up and Polly had laughed and asked him how often he did more than 'wash' himself. The sharp look she got made her laugh hysterically. She was a cruel woman his wife. Polly did have to explain to her why they had to clean up Mae because she wasn't able to yet.

"That's right."

"And Mommy doesn't let people touch it?" Well, that was a whole other conversation that Sam was not getting into. It had become a great topic of interest for Lola lately because of Mae and being exposed to her little body and also Polly's breasts. It had been fun explaining to her why Mae was allowed to feed from Polly when they had previously talked to her about not letting people touch you. Her four year old brain was whirring constantly and they never quite knew what was going to come out of her mouth or when.

They had never shied away and hid when Lola came in, she would shower with them and they tried to answer her questions as honestly as possible. They used the right words and nor did they act ashamed of their bodies, they wanted her to feel confident about her body but that didn't mean that Sam loved it. There was never any urgent need to cover up when Lola appeared in their room, except when things were happening that she didn't need to see. Fortunately that didn't happen all that often, much to Sam's disappointment.

"Mommy can look after herself."

"Mae sucks her boobies." Sam explained to her, again that Mae was allowed because that's where she got her special milk from. They had let Lola try it and she was not impressed in the slightest and declared it was _yucky._

"Does people touch your penis?" Sam did contemplate how he could ban Gus from coming anywhere near his girls again. He was a shit stirrer, no scratch that, he was a Ruzek. Ruzek and shit-stirring went hand in hand.

"No." And right now that wasn't a lie. Polly certainly wasn't interested in it and wouldn't for a good while yet.

"I love Mae." She bent down to help Sam pick up some leaves, scrunching them in her one good hand and smiling happily and Sam breathed a sigh of relief that she seemed to have moved on for now at least. "Does Mae love me?"

"Yes she does." Sam actually knew they were superfluous to her needs right now but they wanted Lola to accept her sister and Mae would soon develop that connection to Lola and they couldn't wait to see their two girls grow up together. "Mommy and Daddy love you too and we all love Mae."


	46. Living The Dream

Lola was squirming in her seat, she had been bouncing from the walls from the moment she opened her eyes and Sam told her that today was the day. Unfortunately for Polly that was well before breakfast and considering she had zero awareness of time it made for a very long day.

The zoo was having a party, a welcome party for Ada and if anyone was going to enjoy a party it was a Ruzek and those genes rang strong in Charlotte. Polly warned her to sit still so that she could finish doing her hair, she could hear Mae starting to stir through the monitor and wanted to get this done before she really ramped it up. Lola was never good at sitting still at the best of times and hated having her hair done. She didn't quite get the concept that if she sat still and stopped jumping around like a fart in a bottle then it would be over quicker and she could get back to what she was doing.

This morning it was like trying to hold back the tide and as soon as Polly let her go she was back to bouncing around the house. It hadn't taken her long at all to get back into the swing of things without her cast, not that it had slowed her down much in the first place. After a couple of days when she was pretty miserable and in pain she was back to her usual self and running on full rat power. Lola generally had one pace, full on. From the moment she opened her eyes until they eventually slammed shut at night. When they got her into bed and made her lie still she was out like a light.

"Mae." She scowled at her sister when Polly sat down to feed her. "Don't."

"Lola, Mae needs to have a feed and then we can go."

Lola disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a bottle from the fridge. "Here you go, let's go see Daddy now." Most evenings Sam did give Mae a bottle and on a good day Lola would help although the novelty was wearing a little thin. Mae wasn't quite living up to the hype according to her big sister. They overheard her talking to her Pops recently. _"She just cries and sleeps all the time, I want a fun sister."_

Compared to Lola, Mae was a beautiful feeder and Polly had no problems nursing her and while she was a grumpy baby in hospital since they had bought her home she was just a chilled out, relaxed girl and dare they say it, she was an easy baby. Apart from the odd rough night she usually only woke once for a feed especially if Sam gave her a late top up before he came to bed.

She had started to watch Lola and they could lie her on the floor near where Lola was playing and she would turn her head and watch her sister play. They had struggled not to laugh hysterically when Lola burst into tears because Mae was 'watching her' and demanded they make her stop. Lola was having a bad day and everything Mae did annoyed her, which was particularly funny because Mae didn't really do anything yet…according to the lecture they had gotten from Lola the previous day.

"Just wait Lola." Kim pushed her hand away as she started tugging on Mae's arm. Like most four year olds Lola didn't have the patience to wait and had become a little demanding of attention especially when Polly was pre-occupied with Mae. Kim and Adam just laughed and told her it was karma because she was a right royal bitch sometimes when Gus was a baby and used to do things that she knew she wasn't allowed to do, like the day she got into the fridge and stole the chocolate biscuits and hid them in her room. Sam caught her red-handed, mouth stuff to the gills sitting on her bedroom floor.

If Lola loved having a shower, Mae hated it. She screamed like a banshee when Polly would hand her over to Sam while he was showering and she had certainly let them know that morning that she was unimpressed. Whereas Lola would squirm and bury her head into her Dad's shoulder she was quiet and would even stop crying once she was in there. By the time she was three months old she would giggle and get excited as Polly undressed her and handed her to her Dad. Mae on the other hand was the complete opposite and Polly would come and grab her after a few minutes when she worked herself up into a right tizz. Some mornings though it was the only way they had time to wash her because once Lola was up it was full steam ahead and she had the habit of covering herself in poo early in the morning. It was often what woke her up.

That morning she was particularly annoyed by it. She was hungry and just wanted a feed. Polly gave her one side, stripped her off and handed her to Sam and Mae was pissed. The girl was a guts and it usually didn't take her long to feed because she gulped it down. Sam hardly enjoyed having a wailing pissed off slippery baby with him either. For all her good traits, and she was a nice easy baby, this was what she didn't like and everyone knew it. Not that bathing her impressed her much either; Mae was not a water baby; she was their landlubber.

Sam was already at the zoo and Lola would have happily gone with him if he wasn't so busy. Ada was about to make her public debut but this afternoon was just for families, friends, VIP's and Zoo Benefactors along with the Media ahead of her big day tomorrow. She had settled in well and Sam couldn't be happier, he was so excited that she was here and so far it had been a success.

They had already been in to see Ada and Lola was besotted with her and wanted to see photos everyday and Sam always came home with a photo or video to show her so today was a big day for her as well. She had told 'Bus that they had a new pet and she was better than a dog.

"Daddy." Lola squealed and bolted towards Sam when Kim pointed out the back of him leaning against a fence. She had no fear and loved coming here to see her Dad and the animals and they had started coming in once a week for lunch again now that Polly was a little more mobile. It was the highlight of Sam's week, having lunch with his girls.

Sam was talking to some guests when he felt Lola crash into the back of his legs. "Excuse me." He picked her up and greeted her with a kiss and a smile. "This is my daughter, Charlotte."

"I'm not Charlotte." The guests laughed at her dramatic eye-roll. "I'm a Lola although my Pops call me Lola bear." She prattled on.

"Yes you are." He excused himself and met up with Polly and Mae. "She's a little off the chain?" he tickled Mae's sweet toes as they poked up from under the muslin wrap that Polly had draped over the pram to keep the sun out. "Sleeping?"

"She is. Not this one though, way too hyped and it's been like this all day." Polly was literally jumping up and down beside her Dad demanding to see Ada. "Thank you for leaving me at home with the Mexican jumping bean."

"My pleasure." He never got sick of kissing Polly, however Lola did and often told him to stop and right now she was tugging on his arm and demanding his attention.

Sam scooped her up and swung her up onto his shoulders. "How was the morning?" Polly fell into step beside him.

"Busy. Lots of photos."

"Lucky you are so handsome."

"Awww shucks." He still had one last interview to go and he had to admit if he could have blown it off he would. They wanted to interview Polly too, for what reason he was yet to understand but his boss begged him to open up a bit and let the Chicago see who Sam Hollister was. He agreed on two provisos, no photos of the girls and no names.

 _Life has changed for Sam Hollister. When we sat down with him a little over four years ago he was fresh off the plane with plans to start a new breeding program at Lincoln Park Zoo and rediscovering his childhood home. The changes have been dramatic. He was happily chasing a baby Rhino that he had bred from start to finish around her native Kenyan Home when he received a phone call inviting him to return home to Chicago and his first love, Lincoln Park Zoo._

 _Now four years on, he's happily married to his other first love, Polly and a proud father to two beautiful girls and a happy 'surrogate' father to Ada, a five-year-old Black Rhino who is now the star attraction at Lincoln Park Zoo and hopefully the centre of a new breeding program._

 _Ada's arrival was not without drama and Sam had to leave her convoy as she made her way across the country from San Francisco where she landed to her new home in Chicago. In the middle of Utah Sam raced home and be with his family and for the unexpected early arrival of his second daughter._

 _"She caused us a bit of grief." He smiles at the peaceful 6 week old baby asleep in his arms while Polly, his wife is busy wrangling their energetic four year old. "But she's such a breeze now. Very chilled out. We like her, we like both of them."_

 _Sam was, at first reluctant to revisit his old stomping ground. He did think one day he'd be here but not so early in his career but a quick visit home changed his mind and it's hard not to notice the quick glance he shares with Polly. "A few things fell into place."_

 _One of those things was reconnecting with his childhood sweetheart. "It was a bit of a shock for both of us." He admits. "Now look at us. We still look at each other and laugh some days. Like 'can you believe this'. Our house is an explosion of pink right now. I was living in this dark dingy bachelor pad on an African Savannah and now it's pigtails and lace. We just go with the flow really, it's easier that way."_

 _Sam prefers not to talk about his family in much detail and rarely shares information about them despite his office being adorned with photos and drawings bought from home. There is a small table with crayons and paper and puzzles set up in the corner next to the overflowing toy box and various baby items are now strewn about. "They come in a bit." He admits as he is dragged away to deal with an urgent bathroom issue. Handing the baby back to her mother, Polly confesses that Sam has always been reluctant to share much and keeps a lot of things close to home._

 _She does reveal that he is a very doting Dad and loves rolling up his sleeves and getting dirty with them as well as nurturing his animals at the zoo. "He takes it all very personally when one gets sick and he tries hard to save them, when it doesn't end well he struggles. We thought he was bad then, but he's worse when the girls aren't well, he is a right royal pain in the ass. He was devastated when our eldest broke her arm just before the baby was born, like literally the day she was born. It all added to the drama of the day but thankfully we can look back and laugh about it now and as you can see it certainly didn't slow her down but Sam really found it difficult to deal with." She also briefly talks about how their newest daughter spent her first two weeks in hospital and how he would call in and see her every morning and night. "He was fabulous though, he just adores his girls and he takes very good care of all three of us."_

 _When Sam comes back, having done his fatherly duties he refuses a request for a family photo and Polly explains that he is very protective of them, something he learned from her own father. "They are just babies. They don't need the publicity." He explains._

That was something that Adam had drummed into him. While Polly and Gus were growing up he was very determined that they be protected and none of his family were permitted to put photos of them on social media. Even Polly and Gus were not allowed to use their surname when they eventually asked to join social media. While Sam's situation wasn't the same and his name was obviously different they just didn't want any link to the Ruzek name out there. Adam had pissed off more than a few people over the years and technically the girls were both 'Ruzek Hollister' and he wasn't taking that risk.

 _Ada, on the other hand is all about the publicity and Sam is more than happy to share her journey. "When I was offered the job back here one thing I was always keen on was bringing Ada to Chicago as part of the expanding breeding program, these beautiful animals are still subjected to poaching, even today and they are critically endangered. It took a few years but she is now ready to go and it's just a waiting game now. She's settled in, about to come into season we hope. We've already had one cycle with her before she arrived but we kept her separate just to give her a bit more time to mature and we didn't want to travel with a pregnant Rhino now we will get her loved up with our boy and see what happens." The zoo has a new young male who has already bred at another zoo successfully but is still a bit of a novice. Despite the obvious excitement Sam is quick to point out that the course of true love does not always run smooth and they have no idea if they will breed well together. "You can do all the tests in the world but sometimes you just need to throw caution to the wind and give it a go."_

 _"It can be the greatest thing, watching these beautiful creatures give birth and it can also be heart wrenching when things go wrong. You prepare for both but hope like hell for a good outcome."_

 _Having made our way out to check on Ada, Polly just shrugs and reaches for his hand, he kisses the back of it as he tries to talk his way out of his assertion that watching animals give birth is the greatest thing ever. "Actually, it was pretty horrific the whole childbirth thing but these two are worth every single tear we shed, every sleepless night, every cold dinner, every bout of vomit because then they smile and laugh and cuddle up to you and you think, yep life is good." He watches Ada, who is currently grazing and answers questions from his eager daughter and she hangs off his every word._

 _"Do dreams come true?" Sam looks at both his girls and then at Polly and smiles._

 _"Yep of course they do. I am living the dream. It's just the kind of crazy I like."_


	47. Wedding Belles

At the end of the day both Polly and Sam were grateful for the way they did it. This wedding chaos was insane and they fell into bed at the hotel exhausted, not too exhausted to make the most of the childfree night, but they were done with weddings.

Gus's wedding had been a full-blown circus and Polly had been knee deep in it along with her mother but she loved it. "Do you regret our wedding?" Sam asked her one night when Polly had been going on and on about the dress shopping they had done that day. Polly's effort at picking her wedding dress took, apparently an hour. She went with Maya, found something that hid her unflattering post baby body and they were done. Sam thought she looked stunning on the day and the dress was only part of that.

"What? God no."

"You just look like you are loving it?"

"I am, but I don't have to make any decisions. I just get to sit back with a glass of champagne and say yay or nay."

"So it's about the booze?" Sam looked bemused. "So I spent all day trying to herd those two cats just so you could drink champagne?"

"Yes, baby. That's exactly what you did." Polly leant over and patted his cheek. "I will make it up to you later, I promise." She jumped up and grabbed her phone.

"Why does Lola insist on running everywhere?" Sam ranted. "And I don't know what you fed Mae yesterday or what you ate but fuck it was nasty coming out the other end. That kid shits like nothing I have ever seen before."

Polly just ignored him. "Do you want to see what they are wearing?"

"Not really."

"Wrong answer." Polly showed him anyway. Rhiannon had wanted both Lola and Mae to be flower girls but eventually she decided that they didn't want to wait that long so they were just having Lola, although it was news to him that Mae would be dressed in the same little white dress as her sister. She had only just turned one and someone would have to carry her and she was way to erratic to have her in the bridal party. Mae liked her people right now and they'd lost count of how many times they had to peel her off them to go to anyone but her few favourites, her epic screaming match at the Doctor's recently left everyone a little shaken. She was a strong little bugger and Polly came home with scratch marks on her neck from where Mae tried to hold onto her. Sam teased her about it, playfully accusing her of having a torrid affair with Dr Phillips, the Paediatrican who was pushing 60.

The dresses had a vintage lace bodice and long soft tulle skirt with an antique blue/green sash to match Rhiannon's bridesmaid dress. Polly loved them and she was way too excited, she loved dressing them up and was very particular about what they wore. They were rarely dressed in matching clothes though, Polly hated that but that didn't mean Sam didn't cop it occasionally when he dressed them and he'd tried hard not to have them matching and would stick them in anything. His problem apparently was his lack of fashion sense. He didn't know babies needed to be 'styled' and he'd learnt that flowers, stripes and polka dots did not go together the hard way.

"Cute." He nodded, thoroughly un-interested. The less he knew about what was going on the better. It was costing him a shitload of money; he knew that much because apparently he needed a new suit, Polly needed a new dress and then there was hair, make-up, shoes…the list went on and on. This wedding stuff was insane, they dropped a couple of grand on their wedding and he thought that was more than enough. Although to be fair they didn't pay for the venue. He was surprised Gus was letting it get this far out of control but he wanted Rhiannon to have whatever she wanted, she deserved it.

Although he did enjoy suit shopping because it was a rare afternoon spent alone with his wife and she did think he looked hot in just about any suit and the quick stop at home before they picked the girls up made the whole thing very worthwhile.

The few days before the wedding were utter madness. Sam kept himself well out of it. He'd certainly enjoyed the Buck's night and had slept in the spare room when he got home because his bed was full of Polly and Mae and she was splayed out like a starfish, Sam was sure she had probably came into bed to try and get some of Polly's boob. She wasn't coping with weaning very well and had tried a few times to latch on when she was in their bed and Polly woke up when Mae was clawing at her. Polly had decided that she could still have a feed before bed, not that she was getting much from her but it was her routine and the lure of getting her to sleep quicker was better than the fight to keep her away from her Mom's boob. Also for someone so little she took up a lot of room and trying to get into bed with them when he was drunk was suicide.

Sam may not have enjoyed the wedding planning and dress decisions but the bucks night was a whole different matter. He was aware that Polly was a little edgy about it, but he'd been on other buck's nights and he'd always made sure Polly knew how much he loved her before he left and how proud he was of his wedding ring. When he got home drunk as a skunk and knew he was sleeping elsewhere he still crept into their room and woke Polly up told her he was home and perhaps a little horny. The slap on the hand he got told him what he already knew but that didn't stop him trying. "Come with me?"

"Go to bed Sam."

"Come with me?" His hands were like tentacles. "Pol, baby please."

"Sam, go to sleep and I promise that I won't send the girls in to wake you in a few hours time." He tried to climb into bed with her. "Stay here any longer and they'll be dancing in your room by six."

He slipped off the side of the bed and was on his knees and Polly baulked as he tried to kiss her, his booze-laden breath was not a turn on. "Sam, fuck off."

"I love you Baby."

"Yes, I know. I love you too, now fuck off Sam." By the time he dragged himself out of bed half the day had gone, Polly had kept the girls relatively quiet and he was still looking worse for wear as he staggered into the kitchen, squinting at the harsh light assaulting his eyes and his hair at all odd angles.

"Well, well look what the cat dragged in."

"Please keep it to a dull roar."

"You had a good time last night?"

"I did, your brother and father are insane. Not to mention bloody Kevin and Jay. Remind me why I married into this mental facility?" He was definitely fragile. Polly had talked to her Mom and it seemed that a good night was had by all and her Dad was feeling very sorry for himself this morning having crawled in at three am. Nobody dared call Gus to see if he had surfaced yet although according to Sam he wasn't particularly coherent when he left him on his doorstep, fumbling for his keys.

"Because I am hot and you love me and you knocked me up."

"True, true and true." Polly handed him a cup of coffee, he wasn't sure if he wanted it or not. "Did I hit on you at least? Please tell me I did?"

"Yes you did. I hope you didn't try with anyone else?"

"Nope. Just you. I save all my charms for you."

"You were far from charming." Polly was hardly impressed that he had woken her up when he got home at three am and then Mae was up and firing at six. He owed her big time.

"Daddy." Lola was delighted to see him; she was way too loud and bright for her Dad this morning as she appeared from nowhere and yelled at the top of her lungs.

Sam cringed and Polly just laughed. "Inside voice Chicken. Daddy has a headache."

"Poor Daddy." She climbed into his lap and despite his desperate pleading look at his wife she just turned her back and ignored him and because Lola had left her in the playroom Mae started squealing for attention.

"I'll just go get Mae, she'd loved to say hello." Polly patted his head on the way past leaving Lola talking at her Dad at a million miles an hour.

"Don't be a…." Polly glared at him and shut his mouth.

Not that Polly was much better at Rhiannon's hen's night and Sam took great pleasure in reminding her of that fact when she came home more than a little tipsy. Although he didn't kick her out of bed, he was more than happy to be hit on by his drunk wife, because he'd learnt a long time ago drunk Polly was a wild, wild ride.

Polly didn't drink very often at the moment. She had fed Mae before she went out and he was surprised that she slept through. He'd slipped out of bed early, when she woke just before six because bringing her in would have meant she would have attacked her Mom and Polly was in no fit state to feed her. Although she insisted that she only had a night feed he knew she often snuck one in when he got up early for work. Polly was finding it as hard as Mae to give it up. He didn't mind, she could feed as long as she wanted; he loved watching Polly feed his girls.

The day of the wedding was chaos. At least Polly organised the hairdresser to come to the house but keeping Mae neat and tidy was a feat in itself so they left her until after her morning sleep and she was very cute sitting up in the chair having her hair blown out, for the all of two minutes she sat still. Not that Mae had a lot of hair but her curls were cute and the hairdresser put a pretty little clip in it. Lola was beyond excited and Sam had to admit, when they were all ready to go and head over to her parents house for some photo's with Gus it was worth all the palaver. He was a lucky man to spend his days surrounded by such gorgeous girls.

They had never really had proper photos taken of the girls and Polly couldn't wait to see how they turned out. There were photos of both of them with Gus, with her parents and with them as well as some gorgeous snaps of Lola and Mae together, the photographer also managed to snap a few candid photos of Sam and Polly when they didn't think anyone was watching them.

Sam also did something he'd never done; he posted a photo of them on his Instagram. In all the years he had only ever posted photos of work and his animals, never Polly or his daughters. _'My Beautiful Girls. How lucky am I to come home to these three every night?'_ It was a photo of Polly crouching down talking to both Lola and Mae who's little faces were alight. He loved it the moment he saw it, it summed up Polly's relationship with his girls, pure love.

"Hey Angus." Polly slipped her arms around his neck from behind and Gus grabbed hold of them.

"Ah my favourite sister." He appreciated her being here right now. "Thanks for bringing Lola and Mae over. I wanted to see them."

"Well they do love their Uncle Bus."

"Were you nervous when you married Sam?"

"Oh god yes." Polly sat next to him and leant on his shoulder. He was wearing their grandfather's ring and Polly ran her fingers over it. "Not because I was worried about marrying Sam, it's hard to explain. I couldn't wait and just wanted to get there and see him. I wanted to hold his hand because that's when I feel like I am the best person I can be. When I am with Sam."

"I don't want to let Rhiannon down."

"And you won't. I won't let you, this family won't let you." His hands were shaking and Polly squeezed them. "Angus, we are so lucky. Mom and Dad have taught us well. They inspire me everyday to love Sam like no other, and I do. I always wanted to love Sam like Mom loves Dad, that's my goal. You do that too and Rhiannon is lucky. She's the luckiest girl in the world because she's got you."

"Marrying into this circus?"

"It's the best bloody circus in the world."

It was a beautiful wedding, it was small and Gus had chosen to keep it intimate. They had his family, Rhiannon's Dad and stepmother and stepsisters, a couple of aunts and uncles and a few friends. Gus's side was a little bigger with those who had watched him grow up and a few academy buddies, and his best friend Lucas Dawson. They'd been buddies since they were little. Everyone had embraced Rhiannon, she was perfect for Gus but she had done it tough and Gus had made sure she knew that his family were on her side.

They had quietly organised for a few plain clothes CPD to be in the vicinity in case of any unwelcome guests. It was Gus's biggest fear, that somehow she would find out about the wedding and create a scene. This was Rhiannon's day, he wanted it to be everything she dreamed of and he'd do anything to make sure that happened.

For all the build up and panic and stress the ceremony was simple and beautiful, it was outdoors as the sun was setting over the lake and the reception was in a small marquee nearby. Lola loved every minute of it, she wasn't quite the centre of attention but there was plenty of focus on her and she was in her element. Mae sat quietly on Polly's lap, a little overwhelmed by all the people. Although her face lit up when she saw her Mimi and Pops sit down next to Polly and she crawled over into her Mimi's lap. Adam gave her his hand and she played with it while he watched the ceremony. Lola perched herself on her Daddy's lap and giggled happily throughout the service and kept asking Polly what was happening and when she could go back up the front.

Lola was knee deep in it, she was happy to join the party and talk to anyone who would listen while Mae stayed closer to home. She was happy to go to either of her grandparents, or Gus and also loved Kevin throwing her around but she didn't want to stray far from Polly or Sam. There were far too many people around that she didn't know to feel comfortable.

Rhiannon looked beautiful, her full length beaded gown was stunning and the photos of her with Lola and Mae were breathtaking. She adored those little girls. Mae was giggling away as Rhiannon danced with her. "Mom, Mom." She spied Polly over Rhiannon's shoulder.

"Hello beautiful girl." She rubbed Mae's back. "Are you having fun?" Both of them looked happy.

"I love how much you adore our girls. I love having you as part of our family." Polly squeezed her hand. "Thank you for having them part of your wedding, it meant to world to Gus and to us."

"They are beautiful Polly, we love them, we loved having them with us today and I saw a couple of the photos of Gus with them earlier and they are beautiful. He looks so happy, he's always happy when he is with them."

"They love him and you too. Mae's only danced with five people, she knows how special you are." Mae chose that moment to decide that she wanted her Mom now, not before Polly made her give Rhiannon a kiss. It was the sweetest little peck on the cheek.

To say that Lola was disappointed when she had to go home was an understatement. She sobbed in her Pops arms, begging him to let her stay because her Mom and Dad had already told her that she had to go home with Grandma. "Pops, I want to stay with you."

"I know Lola Bear, but you can't."

"Why not? I want to dance."

"We can dance now and then you can go home with Grandma and Mae-Bell."

"Pops. Please." She was breaking his heart.

"Lola, this is a party for grown-ups."

"But I have a pretty dress." She was heartbroken and Adam hated it but she wasn't winning this fight. He may have been a push over with his granddaughters but he wasn't completely weak and Polly would probably kill him if he gave her any ideas that she could stay. He wasn't always clued in on what was going on but he knew that Polly and Sam were spending the night at a hotel without the girls. He knew this because Kim had had told him they were paying for it.

Lola cried but Mae was already asleep on Polly's shoulder when Jolene came to pick them up and they got Mae in the car easily although Lola's heartbroken sobs soon woke her up and there was no rationalising with her. Jolene just had to drive away, they knew they'd be fine and probably asleep before they even got home but Polly still worried about them.

Sam draped his arms over Polly's shoulders as they watched the car drive away. "She made that hard."

"She's a Ruzek." he added flippantly, more interested in being alone with Polly. They'd been surrounded all day and barely had a moment to themselves. The peace and quiet was nice.

"Harsh."

"But fair." Polly eventually shrugged. It was true, she was Ruzek through and through. He ran his hands down over the front of her body. He thought she was hot and he got such a thrill out of standing beside her, letting people know that he was lucky enough to be with her. "Can we…"

Polly spun around quickly. "…dance. Yes we can."

Sam groaned, he was hoping for a bit of a grope and make-out session before they headed back. "Baby." He whined as Polly dragged him back towards the reception.

"Sam, don't whine. You sound like Lola."

Adam had a lot longer to prepare for this speech and he had fretted over it to the point that Kim refused to keep listening to it. "Speak from your heart Baby, you always do and it always works."

"I remember people telling me after Polly was born that the drama was about to start. Apart from the odd temper tantrum or night spent cleaning up vomit we thought man, this baby stuff is easy so we made the somewhat rash decision to go again and good lord did Angus bring the drama. From the moment he buried himself into the uterine wall he made his presence felt. He'd freak us out by hiding like the lazy shit he was and sending his mother into a tizz and then decided five weeks early that he'd had enough of living in his tiny dark cramped quarters and came screaming into our world full of piss and wind and he hasn't slowed down since.'

"Polly wanted to call him princess and he was a bit of a princess, still is in fact. He's our drama queen." Kim groaned. She really should have checked his speech more diligently but then from what she recalled he was off script already. "Over the years he's bought us so much grief and Kim had to remind me on several occasions that he was just like his old man when I wanted to hand him back, she was having none of it though because he is like me so she thinks he's awesome."

"Seriously though, what impressed us most was his dedication to himself, to his family and his career. He made mistakes, we all do but never because his heart wasn't in the right place. He was a sweet kid, so innocent that he wasn't really sure about what several girls were offering him to help him recover from his dislocated knee. Don't worry Rhiannon, I promise he was a good boy."

"His heart is always in the right place, he's fierce and loyal. He's a loving son, a wonderful brother, with just the right amount of annoying and adoring uncle whom Lola and Mae think the sun shines out of and we are proud of him. And now he's a husband, and that makes me feel old."

"Just if I can for a moment I want to tell you this story. When he was little I went away on an Undercover assignment and it was tough on Kim and the kids. Gus fretted. When I got home he was asleep so I left my badge beside his bed to let him know I was home safe. The look of joy and relief on his face as he barrelled into our room the next morning was priceless, clutching the badge and I got the most amazing hug from an amazing little boy. It started a bit of a tradition. His mother told me a few years ago, when I was injured he picked up that badge, despite having his own now and held onto it. Gus has never been ashamed of wearing his heart on this sleeve. It's what makes him the man we love and it's also what tells me that Rhiannon is a lucky woman. She has the best man I know beside her and we've been proud to see him be all that we hoped he'd be, and much much more. When you have that kind of love in you, beside you, supporting you it is amazing what you can do. Together."

"Rhiannon, thank you for loving our son as much as we do and taking him off our hands. Thank you for making him happy, giving him an anchor and we love having you as part of our family and as Kim will tell you, once you go Ruzek you can't ever go back. Congratulations Angus and Rhiannon, we can't wait to watch you build a life together and not to rush you or anything, but a grandson would compliment our beautiful granddaughters perfectly. No pressure though, but you know, tick tock."

Gus wasn't much of a talker, not compared to his Dad anyway. He kept it brief, thanked people for coming, thanked Rhiannon's father and told Rhiannon that she had "made me feel like I could achieve anything, that I can go to work each day knowing I have someone to come home to that believes in me. I started to think that I'd never be lucky enough to have what my parents had, or my sister. And then I met you, and you are everything." It was short and sweet and from his heart. "Everything."

They partied hard, they wanted it to be a celebration and that's precisely what it felt like, a celebration of all that's good in the world.

The hotel room was quiet and that was just what they needed. Polly fell onto the bed complaining about her sore feet and Sam unbuckled her shoes. They were both slightly tipsy and had been flirting heavily all the way to the hotel. "I love these shoes." Sam dangled them from his fingertips. "I should, they cost enough."

"You love me in my shoes."

"Hmmm…." Polly sat up and untucked his shirt from his pants and slipped a hand underneath onto his stomach. "I do, it's a favourite that's for sure. Top of my list though is you naked, on top of me, screaming my name."

Sam pulled her up off the bed and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding her with one hand, his other slowly unzipped her dress. The warm tingling sensation of his fingers on her skin sent a shiver up her spine. This was going to last a while. They were in no rush.

"Why are you looking at me?" Sam peeled one eye open. Polly was sitting up cross-legged on the bed, her arms wrapped around her knees as she hugged them to her chest. She was watching Sam sleep. His breathing was even and his back rose and fell with each inhalation. He was muscular and his arms were strong and well defined. Right now his hair was short and suddenly she missed the few little curls he had last week around his ears because she had loved playing with them. She had made him get a hair cut before the wedding and now she wished she hadn't.

"Because I love you."

"And?" It was more than that. She had that look on her face when he knew she was up to no good, or a lot of good depending on which way you looked at it.

"Sam, can we have sex?"

"What?" He lifted his head and peered at the clock. "It's 6am…"

"So?"

"And we have no children. We can sleep in." Was she seriously kidding him? Very rarely did he turn down the chance to have sex but they'd been up until the early hours and didn't have any visitors in bed with them and truth be told he was feeling a little seedy so having Polly tapping in him on the shoulder was not what he expected. It was not unwelcome though.

"Or we can have sex and then go back to sleep."

"You are that horny?"

"Yes."

"Hard or slow?"

She cocked her head to the side and smiled. "Slow."

"Off you go then." Sam rolled onto his back and let Polly take the lead and as promised it was slow and a little bit hot and then they dozed off again.

Sam reached for his phone as it rang. He squinted at the name and the time. It was almost ten and it was his mother. "Hey Mom."

"Daddy."

"Hey Chicken, what's up?" Sam sat up a little, adjusting the pillow behind his head and rubbing his hair roughly.

"I miss you Daddy. Where's Mommy?"

He ran his hand over her naked back. "Sleeping. I miss you too Chicken."

"Mae is naughty."

Polly rolled over and snuggled into Sam's side, which was precisely what he hoped would happen when he woke her. "Why is Mae naughty. What did she do?"

"She bite me."

"That's no good." Mae had developed a little bit of a habit of biting her sister. Lola usually annoyed her by stealing her toys or ignoring her and Mae would lash out because she didn't know how to deal with her frustrations.

"I hit her." That was unexpected, not that Lola hit her but that she admitted it. He wasn't sure if Lola hit her before or after the bite but he did know that Lola understood that they didn't like this behaviour, at all.

"Please don't hit Mae, you just need to tell her no." Polly sat up a little; while her eyes had been closed she was listening to the conversation. "Did she bite you first?"

"Yes, she bite me." Sadly Lola sounded like she was in this conversation for the long haul and all Sam wanted to do was get up and pee and perhaps have sex with his wife one more time before they had to leave.

"Where did she bite you?"

"On my leg."

"Why did she bite you?"

"I wanted her book. I was reading it; she can't read it. She's a baby."

"Mae is a baby but you can't stop her reading a book, you need to share and teach Mae how to share."

"She's a baby." Lola whined. "It was my favourite book."

"Where's grandma?"

"With Mae." From what Sam was guessing Lola had somehow called him without his Mom knowing and when he finally talked to her that was precisely what Lola had done. Plenty of times in the past Lola had talked to Sam on the phone and Polly did let her press the buttons to call her Daddy so Grandma had left her phone unlocked and she had called him.

It seemed that Lola was making a bigger deal out of it than it really was. Mae had gone to bite Lola but had barely got her teeth into her before Lola had hit her and Mae burst into tears. It was chaos for a few minutes but Lola had a bit of dramatic streak in her.

"Can we stay here?" Sam dropped his phone back on the side table. "Do you think they would find us?"

"Eventually."

"It's going to get worse isn't it?"

"The girl's fighting?" Polly wiggled her way over so she was stretched out on top of him. It was one of her favourite positions, Sam always wrapped his arms around her and she could rest her head on his chest and listen to his heart beating. "…..baby it's going to be a nightmare."

"Fan-fucking-tastic." He groaned, running his hand down her back and over her butt, which he squeezed playfully.

"You've got no-one to blame but yourself."

"How'd you figure that?"

"Well you spat out X Chromosomes willy nilly."

"Let me spit some more chromosomes at you." Sam slid his hand down in between them and Polly tried to wiggle away but he held her tight and within minutes she was on her back, arms held tightly above her head and Sam was doing his thing, and doing it very well.

It was nice to spend a night without them, but nothing could beat the feeling you got when those two most precious faces lit up when they saw you and they hugged you like there was no tomorrow.


	48. Beach Babes

Polly sat on the beach watching Sam and Lola splashing around in the shallows. Sam would chase her and pick her up and threaten to dump her in the water and then let Lola chase him and catch him and they would roll around in the incoming waves. The laughter and squeals from both Lola and Sam made Polly smile. He wasn't always around as much as he wanted to be, especially lately but when he was he away from Chicago he was all in. They had to get out of the city to make Sam switch off. Mae was just starting to stir beside her. Instead of taking her back up to the house when she fell asleep Polly let her sleep under the umbrella while she read a book and probably even dozed off herself for half an hour. When Sam looked up at them earlier he figured, by the lack of movement they were both out to it.

Sam and Lola had gone shell hunting along the beach, built a sandcastle and were now playing happily in the water. He had been busy lately at he zoo with new babies left right and centre, including his long awaited first giraffe calf so now that things had settled down a little they had decided to take a long weekend and come up to the beach house. The girls loved it here. Lola was in her element and was constantly begging to go to the beach and she loved any time she got with her Daddy lately.

Polly and Sam were struggling to balance their life at the moment. They didn't have a lot of time for each other, the girls took up most of their spare time and Sam had been working long days, sometimes up to 12 hours and even on his days off he often had to go into work. It had put them under a lot of stress and Polly was working three days a week and managing the girls so by the end of the day she was usually in bed when Sam came home. They knew they had to straighten up but it was easier said than done. The weekend was the first step.

The house had been given to the four children when Phil had died. Sam and Polly got up here the most, although Heidi did always spend a few weeks here over the summer. Jolene avoided the place, it bought back too many memories for her now but the kids and the grandkids loved it. Andrew and Dylan would spend the odd weekend up here and at least once a year they all spent a long weekend up here together and it was loud and busy and fun.

"Mum, mum, mum." Mae babbled groggily as she pushed herself up and sat resting her head on her Mom's leg as she woke up.

Polly rubbed her curly dark hair lightly. The salt water made it curlier than usual and she was impossibly cute right now. She had Sam's dark hair but her nose was more like Polly's than Lola's was. Her elder daughter was the spitting image of her father but Mae was more a mix of both. "Hi darling, did you have a good sleep." Holding onto her Mom she pulled herself up to standing and bounced up and down on her little legs. "Shall we go for a swim with Daddy?"

"Da, Da." She responded happily and looked around for her Daddy and squealed when she saw him. Polly pulled on her rash vest, which was a feat as she tried to crawl off towards the water. Polly had taken it off while she was asleep because it was damp and she got too hot wearing it and while she was trying to go to sleep it was annoying her. The Umbrella was big enough and Polly made sure she was always in the shade and covered her with her light cotton wrap, she was paranoid about them getting burnt. Mae hated wearing a hat but they were strict with the no hat, no play but it was a never-ending battle with Mae some days to keep it on her head. Lola just accepted it and would often screech at Mae when she pulled hers off. Particularly if they were out with just one of them, if Mae didn't wear a hat that meant they both needed to go inside and that was not cool according to her sister.

It was funny watching the two of them together, Mae was completely oblivious to what Lola was doing or talking about most of the time but she just wanted to be around her sister and would happily follow her around the house but Lola certainly got annoyed with her at times and even went as far as blaming Mae for things that she couldn't even manage.

She tried to blame Mae for letting one of the birds Sam had bought home out of its cage. He'd walked into the study to find the bird flying around the room. He had caught the thing while Polly completely freaked out and got it back in its cage before he went off his trolley at Lola who insisted that Mae had done it. Unfortunately for Lola they knew Mae had no idea how to open the cage nor was she old enough or strong enough to climb up onto the table to get at it.

It didn't end well for Lola and Sam was furious with her. Polly had tried to intervene and he told her to butt out. It was an ugly day for everyone. Sam and Lola made up a long time before Polly forgave him, she could understand why he was angry but had tried to explain that Lola hadn't deliberately lied to him, that was just the age she was and how her mind worked. Lola certainly hadn't touched one of his animals again without asking.

Sam happily caught Mae as Polly threw her at her Dad and she squealed with delight while Polly splashed around with Lola. He held onto his youngest tightly and Polly tried not to freak out as he took her into the deeper water. Lola had always been fearless around water, which worried them a little and they had to keep a sharp eye on her and she'd certainly come up spluttering and laughing more times than they could count and it rarely bothered her but Mae clung to her Dad like a monkey, although as long as she had her Dad's arms holding her tightly she was happy and loving it.

At least they knew the girls would sleep well and that's what they loved about coming up here. The fun days and long peaceful nights that made the weekend seem like twice as long. If it wasn't such a feat to pack up two girls they'd be up here every weekend in summer. Even in winter when it was too cold to go outside they loved it up here.

"Mabel." Lola screamed excitedly. "Clever Monkey."

Both Sam and Polly dropped what they were doing and dashed into the lounge room. They were in the kitchen getting dinner ready; Sam was cooking Risotto for them and Polly was leaning on the bench talking to him while they shared a beer. It was nice and casual and Sam appreciated the company while the girls were playing happily. He loved to cook when they came up here, his brother had taught him well enough but he didn't get the opportunity at home much. Polly was more than happy to sit back and let him take the reins in the kitchen. The girls would eat anything, they didn't always love it but they would at least try new foods. Sam made a mean risotto and Polly couldn't wait.

"She's walking." Lola screamed at them as she jumped up and down and pointed at Mae who was sitting happily on the floor and clapping. "Monkey walked to me."

They had been waiting and encouraging Mae to walk for weeks but she had shown so little interest in it they gave up. She would just wait and Lola would bring her what she wanted and could crawl after Lola a lot quicker than trying to walk. She would stand up and let go of the table or whoever's legs she was holding, she could stand for quite a while and even squat down and get back up but she refused to take a step.

Lola was jumping up and down; she was so excited and the joy on Lola's face was infectious. "She walked, Mabel walked." It was funny how lately Lola had started calling her Mabel; no one ever called her that. She got Monkey a lot but rarely did she get Mabel until recently Lola had started doing it and it was so cute.

Polly got down on the floor with the slightly bemused looking Mae, she wasn't quite sure what was going on but she quickly got swept up in everyone's excitement and she sat and clapped her hands as Lola continued to jump around like she was possessed. Sam grabbed his phone and they got Lola to sit a few feet away and Polly helped Mae up onto her feet again and Lola called her. She dropped down onto her bottom and crawled towards her sister. Polly grabbed her by the legs and playfully pulled her back towards her, much to her delight and they tried again.

It took a few attempts but finally she took those wobbly steps they were waiting for but the resultant scream from Polly and Lola knocked her off her feet again, but it was enough, Sam had caught her on video and Polly smothered her in kisses. "Oh my beautiful big girl." She cooed.

Sam popped the tops off two beers as they ate dinner and then kicked back and watched the girls hang out on the deck, the music blaring and Lola was shaking her groove while Mae bopped up and down watching her. It was a perfect family moment and the hectic last few weeks just faded away, this place had the ability to make two days feel like a week.

"My baby is all grown up." Polly wiggled her way back against Sam as they sat outside sharing another beer once the girls had finally given in and gone to sleep. He pulled a rug over them as the night air cooled off. It had been a long time since they had time to just relax and enjoy each other's company and just because they were struggling it didn't mean they weren't content to get close physically. When you were at home there was always something else you could be doing and the girls were always in bed earlier up here because they had been outside and busy all day and that tired them out.

"She has." He entwined his fingers through Polly's and rested in on her chest. "When did that happen?"

"While you were at work." Polly knew the moment it came out of her mouth it was a shitty thing to say and she felt Sam tense up. "Sorry, that wasn't fair."

"I'm trying Polly."

"I know."

"You know I miss you too, it will settle down now." Sam tightened his arm around Polly "I love my girls." Without a doubt he was busy at work and a lot of things just couldn't be put off until another day. It was the life of a Zookeeper; animals like kids needed you to be there for them every single day. His girls needed him too and he hadn't been there for them lately and he felt like shit because of it. It was his idea to come away and Polly had commented that she was surprised he could find the time for them. It wasn't appreciated and she had apologised immediately and agreed that it was a great idea and that she was looking forward to spending the time with him and that the girls would love it.

"Oh Sam, I know you do."

"All three of them." She rolled her head to the side so that Sam could kiss her neck. Sliding his hand under the blanket he unbuttoned Polly's shirt and slipped a hand inside and she closed her eyes as he massaged her breast and continued kissing her. Despite how rough things were with them lately Polly loved his touch, his kisses and being loved by him. She was weak. He was her weakness.

"Mommy." Her eyes flew open at the sound of Lola's voice and Sam pulled his hand away. She jumped up from the seat and Sam made sure the blanket was covering the evidence of how much he had enjoyed the last few minutes. Polly's hand hadn't exactly been idle under the rug.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

"I can't sleep. The wind is noisy." They had left the window open a little because the room the girls were in was stuffy and the banging had kept Lola awake. Sam groaned as Polly scooped her up and took her back to bed.

He closed his eyes and waited. "Where were we?" He smiled as she lowered herself on top of him, wiggling her hips to get comfortable.

"You were about to tell me how much you loved me."

Polly inched her way up and sucked on his bottom lip. "I love you."

"You sure they are asleep?"

"Yes."

"Because I don't want to be interrupted again. This is about to get serious."

"What are you going to do?"

Sam manoeuvred one hand in between them and got it inside her shorts. She pushed herself up on one knee slightly to give him more room to move. Polly rocked against his hand for a moment before returning the favour and grabbing hold of him. She heard Sam suck in a deep breath and she knew she had gotten to him, big time.

"Mommy, I still can't sleep." Polly dropped her head onto Sam's chest.

"God Charlotte, what's wrong?" He snapped. "Go back to bed."

Her bottom lip dropped instantly as she burst into tears and went fleeing back inside. "Sam." Polly ripped her hand out of his pants, making him gasp a little at the roughness of it and she pushed him lightly in the chest. "Don't be a asshole."

"Come on Baby." He waved his hand back towards the house. "What's her problem?"

"What's yours?"

"What's my problem?" He called out to her retreating frame. "Come here and I'll show you." Polly just flipped him the bird and kept walking.

He was waiting for her outside; he'd popped his feet up on the table and grabbed another beer. It had taken Polly a while to calm Lola down and get her to sleep and Sam had stalked around the house impatiently. He was looking forward to having some fun. Polly was always worried that they would be caught out so didn't often want to get hot and heavy so early in the night or anywhere other than the bedroom or the shower. She had this thing about the shower; she loved sex in the shower and he had no issue with that whatsoever but outside; that never happened.

The fact that Polly seemed to be ready to go for it on the back deck was a bit of a surprise so Lola's timing was pretty bloody crappy. Talk about deflating, because he'd deflated pretty quickly and he doubted that he was going to get back there any time soon. It didn't take much lately for him to go from hero to zero.

"You over your little petulant outburst?" Polly grabbed the beer from his hand and took a swig.

"No."

"Lola was upset."

"So was I." Sam pulled her down into his lap. "You were sad too weren't you?" Sam slid her fingers up under the hem of her shirt and tickled her skin.

"Ha…" She pushed his hand away. "…the moment is over."

"No it's not." Sam knew exactly how to get her back on the same page but she was being a little stubborn. "Kiss me."

Polly shook her head. "You know Lola asked me if you were frustrated?"

Sam actually laughed at that one. She wasn't wrong though; Sam had been frustrated. "She's pissed with me isn't she?"

"She cried." It had taken Polly a little while to get her to stop crying. She was overtired and that always ended in tears. Luckily Mae slept pretty solidly and had barely stirred in the cot in the corner, they didn't share a room at home so it was always interesting up here when they had to be in the same room and they did that more because the house was pretty big and they didn't want to be too far away from them. "She was sobbing into her pillow." Sam dropped his head a little; despite being disappointed at the interruption he did hate upsetting the girls.

Her head was buried in her pillow when Polly caught up with her; she'd flung herself onto her bed. "It's okay Lola." Polly sat on the edge of the bed and stroked her hair. "Daddy didn't mean it."

"Daddy's frustrated at me." She sobbed and Polly did her best to hide her smile. Sam was very definitely frustrated, he wouldn't have been so annoyed if they weren't three quarters of the way down the road. Polly could turn off a lot quicker than he could, she didn't have to deal with the obvious physical reaction that he was left with. "I don't think he likes us."

"Daddy loves you Lola, you and Mae, very much." Polly certainly didn't like that comment from her and she would talk to Sam about it, he would hate it but sometimes he said things to her that were a little harsher than Polly liked and Polly was more than happy to pull him up. She was also surprised that Lola knew what the word 'frustrated' meant and even more surprised that she recognised that her Daddy was frustrated with her. She guessed that was because they spent a lot of time talking to her and involving her in all their conversations. Sam hated baby talk and refused to treat either of the girls like idiots, they may not understand what they were talking about but he just kept going and knew it would help them in the long run and they did love the conversations they were having with Lola now and Mae understood a lot more than she could say. "He just wants you to go to sleep because he knows how tired you are. He wants you to have good day tomorrow at the beach and not be grumpy."

"I'm not grumpy. I'm sad."

"I know Lola. Do you want Daddy to come in and talk to you? He loves you so much Lola."

"No, I want you Mommy." Polly stretched out beside her for the third time and rubbed her back until she fell asleep.

Sam closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. "Sorry Baby." Polly knew why he was frustrated though, it had been a long few weeks for him and work had been tough. He'd done some very long days and they'd been like ships in the night for a while and Lola wasn't the only person who was frustrated, Polly was frustrated with him too. Their promise to always find time for each other every week had fallen by the wayside and they both hated it and took their irritation out on each other. This weekend wasn't just about getting the girls out of Chicago but to spend some time with each other.

"She'll be fine, what's the bet she doesn't even remember it by morning." Polly chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, unsure whether to tell him now or later. "Lola thinks you don't like us." As soon as she saw the hurt on Sam's face she regretted telling him.

"Well that's a kick in the nuts."

"She doesn't believe it Baby." Polly rested a hand on his chest. "I think she was just shocked when you yelled at her to go back to bed."

"It was just bad timing. I was enjoying the moment, I was enjoying you." Sam took a deep breath. "I like you, I like you a hell of a lot, all three of you."

"We know." Sam forced himself to smile before leaning forward and whispering in her ear and Polly turned to putty. He'd never call her easy but he had the keys to her house and it didn't take him long to unlock her door.

By four am Mae was asleep between them, Sam had staggered out of bed and wordlessly picked her up out of her cot as she grizzled before she woke Lola and bought her back into their room. She had spreadeagled herself within minutes and Polly and Sam clung to the edges of the bed and tried to sleep and as the sun started to peak through the blinds Lola climbed into bed, cuddled up to her Dad and stole his pillow and promptly fell back to sleep.

"Mom, Mom." Polly felt a hand on her face and reluctantly peeled open her eyes and found Mae's big brown eyes staring at her. "Up." She peered over at Sam who was fast asleep or at least pretending to be and Lola was jammed up next to him and she sighed, her hopes for a sleep in completely shattered. They hadn't exactly had an early night last night; they'd talked and played around with each other for hours. Grabbing Mae she hauled her over the top of her and onto the floor and slipped quietly out of bed. Encouraging Mae to follow her she just dropped to her knees and started to whine. She may have been an earlier riser but that didn't mean she didn't just want to cuddle while she warmed up to the day.

Polly made herself a tea and some toast and took Mae outside onto the deck and enjoyed the calm quiet morning with her little sweetheart. She cuddled up on her Mom's lap and ate her toast, sharing it with Polly happily and babbling away to her Mom. "Should we go and make Daddy a coffee?" Polly decided that Sam was missing out on the beautiful morning and they didn't often get the time with just Mae.

Reluctantly he got up but once outside they loved the hour they got with their littlest girl. She took more steps, wobbly walking between her Mom and Dad and that alone was worth being up so early. "Dad Up." When she'd had enough she held up her arms and demanded Sam pick her up and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"See what you would have missed out on if I'd let you sleep?"

"Hmmm, yes but I had Lola plastered all over me. Share and share alike."

"But she loves her Daddy." Polly rubbed Mae's back. "Don't you sweetheart." The smile she got back was adorable.

Sam grabbed her playfully around the waist and they all enjoyed the cuddle. "Are you going to plaster yourself to me again tonight?"

"If you are a good boy today."

When Lola staggered out of bed she curled up next to her Mom for some quiet time while Sam took Mae down the beach for an early swim. Life was good here; they had time with the girls that they never seemed to find at home. There was always something going on or somewhere to be or people stopping by, up here they didn't even have a TV and they rarely gave them a screen either and Lola quickly got used to it. She may get an hour in the afternoon during rest time but both of them usually feel asleep pretty quickly and Polly would read while Sam slept too. Mae still had two sleeps during most days especially up here because they were always outside playing or at the beach.

He worked hard, put in long hours some weeks depending on what he had going on at the time and he had just finished a long stretch of a lot of births so he'd been up at all hours being called in. Polly would take him in some dinner with the girls and they also got to witness some incredible moments, including the first steps of his baby giraffe. Lola loved them, Mae couldn't give two shits but she got to see her Daddy so that was a bonus. Whenever they got up here Sam would catch up on sleep and relax, knowing full well that come Monday he'd be up at five again and back into it.

Polly and Lola joined them once Lola had finished breakfast and they walked up to the playground for an hour. That was about all they could tolerate because while the girls had fun being an adult it got boring quickly. Mae also hit the wall and Sam lugged her back to the house and he lay down with her on the bed and promptly fell asleep. Polly let them go and did some baking with Lola, making her Daddy's favourite brownies. It was a perfect morning and Lola seemed to have forgotten about the night before.

"Daddy I cooked for you." Lola happily presented Sam with his brownies once they were both up. Polly had bought out the hot drinks and some water for the girls and Lola insisted on carrying the plate of brownies. They watched as half of them slide haphazardly off the plate onto the rug and Lola's bottom lip quivered. "Oh damn." She muttered and it was hard not to laugh as Sam jumped up to help her pick them up.

"Hmmm delicious." He popped one in his mouth straight off the ground and Lola giggled. "Thank you Chicken."

"They your favourite."

"My favourite brownies from my favourite girl." Polly loved how he was trying really hard to show Lola how much he loved her today. She told him that she wouldn't even remember what she said last night as she was half asleep but Sam didn't care, it had hurt him and he was going to make it up to her. His girls were his life, all three of them and while he loved his job they meant more to him than anything.

Lola shrieked with delight as her Daddy wrestled with Polly and sat on her so that Lola could tickle her. Mae soon got involved and pulled herself up on Sam and bounced up and down squealing as Lola tried to tickle her Mom and Polly squirmed. He encouraged Mae to join in which she did so happily and the girls loved it even more when Sam conceded easily when Polly pushed him off her and he rolled onto his back as the tables were turned and girls crawled all over him while Polly sat astride and egged them on.

"That was fun." Polly slipped her hand in Sam's as tidied up after lunch. They'd had a picnic and then played with Lola and Mae and the girls loved it. When Mae was ready for her sleep they gave Lola her iPad to watch for an hour.

"Hmmm…" He tugged on her hand so that she crashed into him. "…it kinda turned me on."

"What?" Polly sounded a little surprised. "Playing with the girls?"

"You. On my lap." His breath was hot and sticky on her neck. "I know you were grinding yourself into me. You were low-key trying to get me excited."

"Nope. Nothing low-key about it."

He backed her up against the bench and his hand crept up under her dress, she was wearing her bikini and had thrown a light cotton dress over the top. It was her standard beach house style. Polly couldn't resist him and when he took a step closer it was no longer low-key. "Is Lola asleep?"

Sam went and quickly checked on her and she was fast asleep on their bed. Polly was still in the kitchen cleaning up. He kissed the back of her neck as he grabbed the bench either side of her and pressed his hips into hers. "Sound asleep." Polly covered his hands with hers. "Turn around."

Before Sam had much of a chance to do anything Polly had turned around and slipped her hand inside his waistband of his board shorts and Sam just held onto the bench while Polly wrapped her hand around him. It felt so fucking good he was happy to just close his eyes, rest her head on her shoulder for a few moments and enjoy it. Slowly he started to kiss her neck, working his way up until he smashed his mouth into hers and worked at getting her bikini bottoms off.

Mae woke first and they hung out on the couch with her, letting her climb over the both of them until Lola got up. Sam had lavished Mae with attention; she just thrived when she got one on one time with either of her parents. Lola was such a dominant personality and Mae loved her sister but watching her with Sam right now made Polly a little teary. It was adorable and Sam looked as happy as Mae was.

Lola staggered out, hair all over the shop and crawled into her Mom's lap. "Mae is loud."

"Yes she is. Daddy is being silly with her." Polly kissed her hair after smoothing it back into a ponytail. "Did you have a good sleep?"

"Yes. Did you?" Sam winked at Polly when he heard Lola's question.

"Daddy didn't let me have a sleep."

"Was he being mean?"

"No." They both laughed. "Daddy was very sweet." Polly leant forward and whispered in Lola's ear while she was watching Sam. "He kissed me." Which made her giggle.

This meant to world to them, Lola and Mae were delighted and they spent the afternoon in the water and by the time they gave them dinner and bathed them both they were ready for bed. Lola lucked out and got Dad to take her to bed and Polly could hear them singing and giggling away while Mae cuddled up to her Mom on the couch and fell asleep. Sam was happy to put her to bed while Polly cracked a bottle of wine and they pulled out a pack of cards and just enjoyed each other's company.

"This has been good for us." Sam stretched out and rested his head in Polly's lap. She ran her hand through his hair before resting it on his chest. "I shouldn't have let it get on top of me like I did, I'm sorry."

"We missed you."

"I know. I missed you to, I don't want to let you down and I know I did."

"No you didn't Sam, we just missed you. You were working and your job is important to you, I've always known that doesn't mean I like you not being around though."

"Pull me up then."

"I shouldn't have to, you know the girls need you around. They are not going to be this little for long. I know you love being their Dad and they adore you, sometimes you need to be reminded that like those animals they need you everyday."

"I am trying, but I know I am shit at it."

"You are not shit at it Sam, it's just out of balance right now."

"Fuck, it sucked when you told me that Lola thinks I don't like you all."

"They can be brutally honest some days."

Like this, it was a brutally honest conversation and it wasn't always comfortable or pleasant but they had them and that was a good thing. "Do you think that?"

"What? That you don't like us?" Polly paused a little and waited until Sam looked at her. "No, no I don't Sam, not at all but I am not five."

"Everything I do is for you and them. I work to give you the life you want, I work to make sure that Lola and Mae can see these beautiful animals in the future, and so can their children. I want you to be proud of me, I want them to stand up at school and say, that's my Dad, he did that."

"I am proud of you Sam."

"I want to give you everything."

"Sam, we want you around. There is no point working yourself into the ground and then coming home when they are in bed, that's not what they want. They want to see you."

"What about you? Do you want to see me?"

"I am not even going to answer that. It's a stupid question Sam."

"Is it?"

"Yes it is. Stop this crap." She pushed him off her lap and jumped up from the couch. "You shit me sometimes."

"Sorry Baby." Sam reached for her hand and Polly shook him off and stormed from the room. "Come here." Sam dropped his head back on the couch and sighed. It was a stupid thing to say and he knew it annoyed her when he did it. Sometimes he just needed to hear her tell him that he was all she needed, he needed to know that Polly still just wanted him.

It took a while for her to come back and he heard the shower turn on and did contemplate going to join her but decided to give her some breathing space, he assumed she'd go to bed after that and he would join her in a few minutes. He wasn't asleep on the couch but his eyes were closed when Polly stretched out on top of him, without opening his eyes he snaked an arm around her waist as she nestled her head under his chin.

"Please don't say shit like that Sam. I hate it."

"I know, I'm sorry. It was a crappy thing to say, I just feel I am so out of whack right now."

Polly lifted her head and rested her arms across his chest and her chin on her hands. "What can I do?"

He ran his hand down her spine. "You are already doing it." She wasn't wearing much and he guessed that was the point. His wife was immense, she always knew what he needed and wanted sometimes before he even did.

"You know it is not that I want to nag you or hassle you but I really like you, I like spending time with you, I like watching you with Lola and Mae and I know you love being with them."

"And you, I love being with you." He kept dragging his hand up and down her back, slowly and deliberately, eventually slipping it under her top and touching her skin. Polly sighed a little and lay her head back down. "Still, after all these years you make me content."

"Are you content right now?"

"If by that you mean I am happy just to stop right here, right now, then no I am not content." Sam dragged his hand down her side, his fingers grazing over the side of her boob. "If you mean am I content with being married to you and a father to two insanely awesome girls, then yes Polly I am content."

"They are a little bit awesome aren't they?"

"Absolutely." Sam stole a quick kiss. "It's you though Polly, it's always been you. You hold me together, you hold us together…."

Polly put her hand over his mouth. "Right now I do, but you've played that role too. When Mae was born, you held us together, don't pretend that you don't."

"I really want to get this right again."

"Baby, it is right. It's always right, doesn't mean the road isn't bumpy though." She kissed the tip of his nose and lay her head back down and enjoyed the sensation of his hand up and down her back. "I have faith in you, in us and in our family."

"This weekend has been perfect."

"It has, the girls seem so happy." Polly didn't need much more than this right now. Even as they talked she could feel Sam relaxing beneath her, not that she was doing anything other than being close to him. They'd done the other stuff, sex wasn't always what was needed, you could have sex without intimacy and while that didn't mean it was bad, because sex with Sam was rarely bad but intimacy often came in the minutes before and after, the quiet moments when all they did was talk and touch each other.

"Yes, and so do you."

"I am always happy when I am with you." Polly tried to move but Sam held onto her and told her to stay. He liked this, the peace and quiet, the weight of his wife on top of him, the steady tickle of her breath on his neck as she put her head back down and cuddled up to him. They talked on and off but it wasn't really needed. Sometimes words were superfluous.

Sam wasn't surprised when Polly fell asleep and he wasn't far behind her and they had no idea how long they slept for but he eventually stirred when he started to get uncomfortable. "Baby, Let's go to bed." He shook her lightly.

They crawled into bed and Sam curled around Polly, holding her close. Even when things were shitty between them the moment they stopped sleeping close was the moment they knew they needed to work on things. Last week they had drifted apart but the last few days they'd put it right.

They assumed that they wouldn't be alone for long and were a bit stunned to wake up when Mae started to cry and it was almost 7am. They'd obviously ran them ragged yesterday, although because she slept so late she wasn't keen to climb into their bed and settle back down like she usually did. She was ready for a 'chat' and she was hard to ignore. When Lola came staggering in half hour later it was game over. They had to head back to Chicago today which was disappointing, another day would have been perfect but at least they felt like they'd got their balance back. Now they just had to keep it like that.


	49. Termite Infestation

It was unexpected and soon turned into a horror story. Lola was all Ruzek, right down to her bootstraps and had hit school like a hurricane. She was absorbing everything and apparently she was an angel in the classroom but when they got home everything seemed to explode out of her like a volcano. She was never still and constantly wanted people to listen to her and her alone.

Mae was far more chilled out but she still loved attention. The attention she craved though consisted of cuddles and being close to her parents. Lola would get a little too crazy for her sometimes and she would seek shelter with her Mom or Dad. She was reserved around strangers although when she did feel comfortable she was a delight and had such a sweet personality. Lately though they had noticed she was a little more outgoing and finding her feet as she raced through her second year of life and more than willing, when pushed far enough to put Lola back in her box.

That had shocked everyone. Mae was standing up yelling "No, don't." at her sister as Lola was touching her doll and when Lola refused to give it back Mae screamed at her. "Don't" and snatched it out of her hand and pushed her over. It was the first time Mae had stood up for herself and they didn't know whom to back. Lola, who was shocked and crying and they had told Lola off for pushing Mae away before or Mae who had pushed her sister over but at least was standing up to Lola who always dominated her.

Mae had learnt to stand up for herself and she gradually got bolder once she figured out that she could make Lola go away and get her own way. Lola didn't love it but they had to let them work it out and only jumped in if it went too far. Lola did think it was unfair, she did understand why Mae was suddenly fighting back and why she was allowed to get away with it.

One thing they had also learnt, especially once Lola was at school and it wasn't particularly fun either was that children often bought illness into the house and stomach flu could rip through the entire house in the blink of an eye. Lola had started it and it quickly bought down Mae and Sam followed. They had thought Polly had avoided it but a few days later it hit her like a ton of bricks.

Days later Sam dragged her out of bed and to the Doctors.

"So, I think before we go any further there is one thing we need to rule out." He had taken a history and done some vitals. "Any chance you could be pregnant?"

"I wouldn't have thought so. My implant has only been in a year and it's been fine." Polly had the implant put back in when Mae was about six months old. They hadn't really done much to prevent a pregnancy until then, although they did use condoms occasionally once Polly unexpectedly started getting her period again. They occurred randomly but they decided they didn't want to push their luck once Mae wasn't just having breast milk anymore. Mae had been a totally different experience for Polly, she fed beautifully and seemed to just love being close to her Mom and struggled to give it up whereas Lola started to fight it towards the end.

"So no un-protected sex lately. Like you've used barrier protection? Condoms?"

"No." He snorted, they hadn't even thought about condoms since before she fell pregnant with Lola. Polly glanced at him and he was staring straight ahead and looked a little pale and she noticed a faint trail of sweat on his brow, if he hadn't already had the stomach flu she would have sworn he was coming down with it. Polly rested her hand on his as he was wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. She wasn't quite sure why he was so freaked out, a few weeks ago he was asking her to think about having another baby and they hadn't ruled it out but now they were contemplating moving to New York so Sam could take the job at the Bronx Zoo. The timing of an unplanned pregnancy wasn't ideal.

The Doctor insisted on a urine test and Polly could barely pee in the cup she was so nervous; Sam's reaction had put her on edge. "Okay." He looked at the test result. "It's positive."

"What?" she gasped.

"Polly, this nausea and vomiting is not all just the stomach flu. You are pregnant."

"But she has an implant in and it's been fine. I know the last two times they mucked up and we took them out but it's in there and she is fine." Sam sounded a little hysterical. It seemed like all they had to do was mention the word pregnant and Polly's uterus rolled out the welcome mat.

"You know there is always a slight chance of falling pregnant even with the implant. Nothing but abstaining is 100% guaranteed."

"How far?" Polly asked quietly, although if she had to hazard a guess she was pinning this on the weekend in New York. It felt like something that they would do, get knocked up on what was supposed to be just a bit of fun. Polly's head was spinning, they'd drunk a lot that weekend and Polly had certainly had a few drinks since then. Her mind had gone there instantly. Had they damaged the baby?

"Well that will be a little harder to pinpoint because you haven't had a period and unless you can judge when you had sex it's like throwing darts at a board. Like some couples will say, well we had sex once last month or something like but if not that then it's too hard to guess. I will take a blood test, that should give us an estimate depending on your HCG levels but I suggest an sonagraph to measure the size of the fetus might be useful."

Sam held her hand while they did a quick scan and it seemed Polly was about six weeks pregnant judging by the size and that put them firmly in the New York weekend. Sam had gone to New York for work and taken Polly with him for a long overdue dirty weekend. It was perfect and they had enjoyed the time away and it felt like the final piece of the puzzle was back in place and they found their groove. They were on the same page again.

Polly asked him about the drinking and Sam had been a little stunned, it was the last thing he was thinking about but the doctor assured then that it was unlikely that it would have affected Polly or the baby. Plenty of women consumed alcohol before they realised they were pregnant and had perfectly healthy normal babies. As long as it wasn't excessive or sustained they needn't worry. Polly certainly hadn't drunk anything for the last few weeks, she felt too shit for that.

"Well that's a fucking surprise." Sam waited until they got back in the car before he said anything. They had a follow up appointment in a few days to check the blood results. The Doctor wasn't sure that Polly's symptoms were not caused by the stomach flu though, and that was their hope.

"You don't sound happy?" It wasn't as if they had decided not to have any more children. They had talked about it in New York quite a bit and made the decision to wait a while longer. Mae was just 18months old and Lola was almost six, but they were enjoying Mae right now and wanted her to be a bit older so agreed to talk about it again once she was two, though the smaller age gap between the two would be nice. Well it seemed that the decision had been made and that was going to take a bit of getting used too.

"I would say shocked. That was unexpected. I drove here worried about you and this stomach flu and I am driving home still worried about you." Polly turned a shade of green as he drove and he pulled over quickly when she scurried around for the bucket they had bought with them just in case Polly needed to vomit. "You are a fertile little bugger aren't you?" Out of the three pregnancies they had only made the conscious effort to get pregnant with Mae.

"You and your fucking termites, those bastards would chew through wood."

"Well that's a lovely way to describe it." Sam screwed up his nose. "So Lola had the bonnet of a car, New York and poor Mae just got the missionary position, no wonder she's a little reserved, she's embarrassed about her conception."

"Fucking New York, you infested me with your termites. There must have been like millions of them, gnawing their way in." Polly's hand gestures were mildly amusing.

"Can you stop?" He got that she was feeling shit but they were having another baby and that was a beautiful thing. "That completely ruins the miracle you've got going on in there."

"As does spending day after day heaving your guts up."

"True. You look beautiful doing it though." It wasn't helpful and Sam fully expected the next vomit was going firmly in his lap.

"I hope it's another girl, you deserve to spend years dealing with crazy girl hormones, bitchy catfights and beating off cherry popping boys after doing this to me."

"That's harsh Pol, you wound me with your words." He feigned hurt by dramatically clutching his chest. "I guess this means we are saying no to New York?" After they got back the Bronx Zoo had chased Sam pretty hard and had made several offers, each one better than the last and it was starting to get harder to ignore.

"I guess." It was the last thing on Polly's mind right now. "Can you go pick the girls up, I want to go home." They had left the girls with Heidi while he took Polly to the doctors. Heidi did ask him when he picked them up if Polly was okay, he knew she would but Polly was adamant that right now this was their secret alone.

"Something you want to tell me?"

"Polly has a nasty stomach flu, should settle down soon. Ours cleared up in a day or two and hers dragged on a bit and she is dehydrated." Which wasn't a lie. "Apparently it's going around."

"Really?"

"Yes really." He lied smoothly. "Lola is ground zero, she bought this pox into our home. Weren't you Chicken? You spewed big time."

"I did and came out my nose, and then Mae spewed, she spewed in her bed and it was in her hair and she had a runny bottom too and there was poo in the bath and then Daddy spewed and Mommy. We all spewed." Heidi thanked Lola for her graphic description and Sam breathed a sigh of relief, even if Lola's description was a little horrifying, accurate but horrifying all the same.

The Doctor had said nothing much about Polly's vomiting, beyond that it may well be just bad timing and she had the stomach flu with a touch of morning sickness but did give them some OHS to help her through the dehydration over the next couple of days. Considering she had been unwell with Mae, it wasn't surprising that this was a little rough at the start.

Unfortunately for Polly and Sam it didn't get better, it got worse, a hell of a lot worse. The follow up sonagraph and blood test confirmed that she was just over six weeks pregnant and she went downhill pretty quickly from there. The day Sam finally became worried enough was when she stopped keeping even the OHS down and they had been living this hell for two weeks.

"Hi Kim." He had called his mother-in-law. "Can I drop the girls off?"

"Sure. Everything okay?" The stress in Sam's voice was a dead giveaway. He didn't hide things very well.

"Umm, well to be honest no it's not. Look, I need to take Polly into hospital; she's been vomiting all day and she's dehydrated and not keeping anything down. I called her doctor and he told me to bring her in."

"Her Doctor, has Polly been sick? I thought it was just stomach flu."

"It was, but it's gone on for a few weeks now." He sighed. "Polly's pregnant." They had finally realised they would have to tell people if they wanted help and they needed it. "She is eight weeks and things haven't been great, she's been violently ill."

"Oh wow, that's a surprise."

"It is, it was for us too but we are pretty stoked but this isn't going well right now." Sam had been out of his mind with worry all day. He was rushing around trying to look after the girls, keep them entertained and fed while helping Polly. She refused to go to the hospital initially but it got to the point where she didn't have the will to argue anymore and she hated seeing Sam in such a state. He started yelling at the girls over simple little things, and that was unlike him but he couldn't cope with their demands and Polly being so desperately sick. "The baby is fine, it's just this morning sickness, well it's 24hours a day actually and Polly isn't coping well and today has been particularly bad. She was pretty bad with Mae but nothing like this."

"Anything we can do?"

"Just look after the girls right now." That's all Sam needed, he needed not to worry about them. If Kim could take care of them then he could focus on Polly. He knew he wouldn't need to rush home to sort them out or worry about getting back to them at all; Kim would keep them for as long as needed.

Adam heard the gate swing open and the heavy footsteps on the stairs. He barely looked up from his desk until he heard a sweet little voice, one of his favourite little voices in the world. "Prise Pops." Mae came charging through his office door, pretty in pink and pigtails and smiling like Christmas morning. She hadn't seen her Pops for a couple of weeks and had been so excited when Mimi pulled up at the District. She was standing at the gate eagerly waiting for someone to open it up for her because Mimi was taking too long to bring her up. She didn't care about being sociable downstairs when the holy grail was just behind those magical gates. Up there was her Pops.

"Monkey Mae-Bell." He caught the toddler as she flung herself at her grandfather and he swung her up into his lap and planted a big kiss on her nose. "What are you doing here? Where's Lola Bear? Where's your Mom?"

"Mimi." She pointed back out into the bullpen but it was empty except for Jack Bartel, one of his Detectives. Jack had worked in Intelligence for five years now and he was a stand up guy and Adam relied on him a lot.

Mae was clinging to him like a barnacle as he wandered out of his office. "Jack? Where'd you find this little beauty? Is Polly here?" He tickled Mae and made her squirm and giggle.

"Downstairs, Kim's down there with Lola. She's catching up with Sgt Mason, Mae wanted to come up." Just then the gate scraped open and the peace was over as Lola thundered up the stairs.

"Pops." Lola marched in like she owned the place, which everyone was used to by now. She loved it here just like her mother had and they often found her sitting up at a desk drawing and pretending to 'do work'. "We've come for dinner." She wrapped her arms around Adam's legs. "Mimi said we can get pizza."

"Did she?" He ruffled her hair before leaning in and giving Kim a quick kiss. "This is a nice surprise. I didn't know we were babysitting?"

"Neither did I." She asked Lola to take Mae into the break room and get a cookie and Adam indicated to Jack who was happy to follow them while Kim dragged Adam into his office.

"You are freaking me out a little." Kim closed his door. "I know I am not about to get lucky, that seems a little extreme even for you and I know how much you love my desk but…" She shut him up with just a look.

"Sam dropped them off, he's taken Polly to hospital."

"What the hell for? Why didn't you call me?"

"Keep your voice down." Kim squeezed his arm. "The girls don't know, Polly's pregnant…" the smile on Adam's face was short lived. "…she's been violently ill for about three weeks now and today was pretty bad, she's severely dehydrated and is on an IV. They won't be home tonight." He could see the anxiousness on Kim's face.

"What does that mean? Is she okay?"

"No, no she's not. She's eight weeks and it's quite extreme morning sickness that has lasted all day and night apparently for the past three weeks. Sam asked us to take care of the girls."

"Of course. Do they need anything? I can take it in. You should have called me." Rubbing his hand over his face wearily he felt a bubble of tension grip his chest. He hated his baby girl being sick, even with Mae he was concerned for her in those first weeks but it settled down and she'd had a good pregnancy right up until her unexpected arrival. It didn't matter than Polly was an adult; she was always his baby and he always worried.

"No, not right now. I thought I'd go in and see her when the girls are in bed. They want to be the ones to tell them about the baby, they didn't want anyone to know yet but Sam had no choice today." Kim had decided to take the girls out for dinner and since Adam was still at work they'd pick him up on the way. It also took her mind off things with Polly. They needed to go back to their house and grab a few things so the girls could sleep over. Lola didn't sleep without her Leopard and Mae had a Rhino that was her constant bedtime buddy and Sam had left in a hurry and didn't think to pack them anything.

"She wasn't this bad with Mae. What does the Doctor say?"

"I don't know. Sam didn't go into many details. They've known for about two weeks, they had been monitoring her at home but things got bad today and he was told to bring her in. He called me briefly to say she was on an IV, sleeping and staying the night and asked us to take care of the girls. That's all I know." Adam wrapped his arms tightly around his wife and worry oozed from every pore. "I'm so worried about her Adam. I saw her when Sam dropped the girls off and she looks terrible, she burst into tears but she seemed so weak. Sam is beside himself." He pulled her closer.

"I know Darlin', I know. Sam will let us know how she is. Let him focus on Polly and we will distract ourselves with the GD's." He sounded a lot more confident than he felt. Opening his office door the girls came running when they heard his big booming voice. He scooped them both up into his arms. "Right…pizza and Ice-cream for my favourite little ladies."

They had wanted to wait until 12 weeks and hopefully things would have settled by then but it was getting worse, not better. The diagnosis of Hyperemesis Gravidarum or HG was a shock but there was light at the end of the tunnel, most cases settled around 15 weeks and certainly with Mae she was feeling pretty good by the end of her fourth month. Some cases lasted until about the half way mark and for the poor few it was a nine-month battle to the end.

Polly was hooked up to an IV for her severe dehydrated and she was metabolically out of whack. It was too early to contemplate taking medication for the vomiting, that couldn't happen until after 12 weeks because of the risk to the baby. There was no way Polly would even contemplate it although they did warn Polly that she would need to consider it if this didn't settle down in the next month. She had lost weight already and that was starting to become a concern. It was starting to severely impact on their life and if Polly didn't start putting on weight and controlling her dehydration it could be dangerous not only for the baby but her as well. She told Sam to go home but he stayed and every time she woke she was glad he was still there beside her.

He called his Mom quickly and she was excited for them despite her concern for Polly and of course his mother would help out any way she could, she was a godsend to them some days and Mae spent three days a week with her rather than put her in day care when Polly was at work, it worked well for them. It had been a tough decision to tell their parents because Polly had an overwhelming fear that she was going to miscarry, that all this vomiting couldn't be good for the baby when the pregnancy was still vulnerable. The doctor assured her that there was actually a decreased risk of miscarriage with HG but it did little to ease their minds.

There biggest hope was that, like Mae it would be rough for a while and then settle down but it didn't. Polly just had to keep fighting, and she did as she tried her best to stay involved in day-to-day life and always carried a few spew bags with her at all times. Jolene came over everyday Sam was at work and looked after Mae and took Lola to school. Polly tried to make it into work but it was physically draining and Alex did let her work from home most of the time. She could work in short stints and felt better for being in her own home where she could disappear to the bathroom or to lie down if things got bad. They would get out of the house on the weekends and even up to the Summer House if they could so the girls could run riot and Polly had a change of scenery. They'd walk along the beach with a spade so Sam could dig a hole if Polly needed to spew.

Once a day they got out of the house, even if it was just for a walk around the block. Lola would ride her bike and Sam could push Mae on her trike but it was slow going some days. Polly needed it though, she could lie in bed all day some days and they were worried about her wasting away, she had already lost too much weight and she never had a lot to lose in the first place and it also improved her mood. They had a lot of tears and they struggled through every day. It was existing and only barely, they certainly weren't living and they were lucky they had family who stepped in and kept the train on the tracks.

Kim did the housework and Adam took care of the garden so that when Sam wasn't working he could spend his time with Polly and the girls. They would have the girls stay over some nights when Polly was particularly bad or if she was in hospital and they did every thing possible to make sure they were kept busy so they didn't fret. Gus would take them out on his days off and both Rhiannon and Gus would have them sleep over occasionally which they absolutely loved. They'd get spoiled rotten and come home with some new toy or bag of clothes, Heidi was more than happy to have them and Andrew would drop meals in for them a few times a week. The girls ate like queens for a few months and he took the time to make all manner of meals that were high in protein and fat for the few times Polly could actually eat.

Jolene took care of the shopping and washing and picked Lola up from school most days. The delight on Lola's face when Polly did manage to do the school run was a rare treat for both of them and at times it made her feel guiltier for missing out on so much but the baby kept growing. She hated that some days she couldn't even bare the smell of them and Mae didn't understand why she couldn't always have her Mom when she wanted.

Something else they hadn't done before was find out the sex of the baby before the birth but Polly wanted to know 'so I can start loving the little termite.' she had told Sam tearfully one night. It wasn't a surprise that this nickname stuck after her often entertaining rants about how Sam had infested her in New York. He held her hair back and then helped her up off the bathroom floor and for the first time in weeks he was able to hug her.

It was their secret.

By the midway point when it showed no signs of abating Polly finally agreed to a Zofran pump. It at least made her feel a little more human and she would only vomit once or twice a day but the crippling nausea never went away. Having to change pump site everyday however left her bruised and sore and she ditched it at 30 weeks when one of her sites got infected and she panicked about having to take anti-biotics. Sam would often change it for her and he became quite the expert but she felt like a pincushion with red marks and welts all over her stomach and the infection made her feel worse than she already did and they thought that was impossible. They did discuss a PIC line but that seemed so drastic. The oral meds made a little dint in it so she stuck with that and the daily spew or ten.

While she still had the pump Sam was over the moon when he came back to his office one day and found Polly and Mae waiting to have lunch with him. "This is like, the best surprise ever." He threw Mae up in the air when she had screamed 'prise' at him when he opened his door. Everything was a surprise for her and it was her favourite word, that and 'no' and 'don't', and they were generally directed at Lola.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He was even able to give Polly a kiss.

"I feel okay-ish today and Mae was tearing at the walls. Your Mom had a lunch to go to with her old work friends so I asked her to drop us off here. You don't mind?"

"Mind? This is like a dream come true."

"It is, isn't it?" They even managed a quick walk down to see the giraffes. They were some of Mae's favourites. He'd had a calf born just after Mae turned one and she always loved to go visit them. When he got home that night, they celebrated one good day with an evening cuddled up on the couch watching a movie and that was about as good as it got.

She had to do daily urine tests and if it showed she was dehydrated she would try and up her intake of fluids and if it didn't correct itself it was off to hospital for IV fluids and once a month she had an infusion of vitamins and minerals. Sam called her every morning to check her results so he was always aware of where she was at. He would call her several times a day to see how the day was going and lived for those days where she said she wasn't too bad.

Polly was going to be induced at 37 weeks; she had begged her Doctor to induce her because she just couldn't go on much longer. She would have gone earlier if it wasn't a risk to the baby and even 37 weeks was right on the edge. The vomiting hadn't improved and they could count on one hand the days she hadn't spewed in the last eight months. She'd been admitted to hospital seven times for severe dehydration and for fluids and nutrition, she'd had injections at home to help with the nausea and the pump for a few months along with iron infusions to help with her lethargy and poor appetite and she felt guilty for barely being a mother to her two girls for the last few months.

Throughout the pregnancy Polly only ended up putting on about 9lbs and that had been a struggle. She had dropped a little in the beginning but made it up in the end. The Doctors had set her a target weight gain of 10lbs but she didn't quite make it. They worried about the affect that would have on the baby but all its measurements were tracking well. It was going to be a small baby and they were prepared for that but everything seemed in proportion.

She was also barely a wife. Some days even the smell of Sam made her sick. He started showering before he left the zoo because the smell was hell for Polly and body wash and cologne was a definite no go zone. Jolene did all the washing for them. The day Sam found Polly leaning over the laundry trough vomiting while trying to sort through the clothes was heart breaking and she struggled constantly to even change Mae's diaper. On the odd occasion when Polly's injection had settled her vomiting and she just felt nauseous they tried to have sex. Sam couldn't kiss her and the very motion of it made her feel terrible and Sam had tried to be as gentle as possible.

Sam hated it, he hated that Polly felt awful but was trying to make him happy, he hated that she felt like shit all the time and he hated not being close to her and there were even nights he couldn't sleep in the same bed as her.

She cried when they decided that they weren't going to try and force having sex. If it happened it happened but Sam wasn't going to seek it and he'd wait for Polly to come to him. "Will you take care of yourself?"

"Yes."

"I'm scared." She admitted.

"Of what?"

"That you'll get frustrated and go out and find it elsewhere." She sobbed. "I'd hate it but I'd understand."

"Don't be stupid Polly. I'm not an asshole. I wouldn't cheat on you if you were well so I am certainly not going to do it while you are pregnant. It breaks my heart seeing how sick you are, I hate it. You know it doesn't do a lot for my sex drive either, that faint waft of vomit isn't exactly a turn on." He knew that she seriously didn't mean it. "And I have zero interest in having sex with anyone but you."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I." Polly looked at him curiously and asked what on earth he had to be sorry about. "The termite infestation." That made her laugh, and lately that had been rare.

Right now Polly didn't seem to be repulsed by him so he stayed put, she was resting on him, between his legs with her back on his chest and he kept as still as he could because sudden movements could set Polly off. The girls had gone to bed, Sam listening to Lola read before relenting to Mae's demands for two stories while Polly laid on the couch and tried to keep dinner down. He was pulling double duty, working fulltime and then taking over from his mother when he got home. Not that he minded; it was just tiring and felt relentless as they ticked off the days. Thankfully the zoo had ensured that he had plenty of support so he could take care of Polly or the girls if needed. He would sometimes take them into work with him on the weekends and there was always someone who could watch them while he did his thing.

Whenever they got the chance to be close to each other they took it, and they did try to enjoy the few moments in the evening when they were alone, even if most of the time Sam was sitting on the opposite side of the room. Physically the relationship was barren but they talked a lot and when you took physical contact out of a relationship if you couldn't talk then you had nothing.

Lola, at times was understanding and tried to help her Mom, she would hand her mother a bag when she started to dry retch but it wasn't easy for her and Sam often had to comfort her when she would take herself into her room and cry about her 'mom being sick'. Mae found it harder to cope and wanted Polly's attention a lot more than she was able to give. She'd developed a fiery temper, a little of that temper they saw when she was first born and in hospital was starting to re-appear and she would throw herself on the floor and demand Polly's attention.

It was a horrific but the pregnancy wasn't in any danger and Polly would force down food or nutritious drinks at every opportunity in the hope that the baby would at least get something before her body ejected it again. Some days were better than others but no days were ever what they'd call good. Even when they went to a friends wedding it was a short-lived day out. Polly was determined to go and made it through the ceremony but Sam took her home before the reception when she went downhill. He went back for a few hours at Polly's insistence while her parents stayed with her. They were living from minute to minute.

Polly came down a few hours after getting home and weakly asked her Dad to take her to hospital and virtually collapsed in his arms. She knew she was bordering on dehydrated that morning but had wanted to spend some time feeling normal and with Sam so she pushed through and didn't tell him her urine results because he never would have let her go. She had tried to make up for it when she got home but just vomited every thing back up. Adam scooped her up and Sam met them there and he sat with her the whole night while she was pumped full of IV fluids and electrolytes.

Sam knew as soon as he saw Kim's number on his phone that something was wrong. "What is it?" he sighed, not out of frustration but just the never-ending disappointment that Polly wasn't getting better. Polly wanted him to go out and let his hair down a little. He'd barely had the chance to do anything for himself lately, he was always taking care of her or the girls. She didn't want them to call him but both Kim and Adam knew that Sam would be furious if they didn't and he came home and found out she was in hospital.

"Adam's just taken Polly into Med."

"Okay, I'll meet them there." It was devastating for Sam each and every time.


	50. Loving Hands

When he arrived at the hospital her Dad was standing beside her bed holding a basin catching her vomit. Adam looked distressed, it wasn't the first time he had helped Polly but it was starting to weigh them all down. Their hearts sank every time the phone rang and it was Sam telling them that Polly was really bad and he needed someone to take the girls, or Polly would ring and burst into tears because she just couldn't see an end to the nightmare.

It broke their hearts when Lola would cry at night because she wanted to go home and see her Mom and Dad or Mae would scream hysterically when Sam dropped them off.

Adam was upset for Sam too, the kid had argued about going out and leaving her and they convinced him that Polly would be fine at home with them. Polly assured him that she was just tired and needed to have a sleep and she'd be okay, she had told him her urine test was normal but he watched her fade a little when they were out. Adam and Kim both thought she wasn't as well as she made out and Sam knew it too but the kid needed to catch his breath and take a break. He was barely keeping it together.

To see him stand at the end of her bed, hands in his pockets and looking absolutely heartbroken was hard for Adam. He looked like he'd hit a wall, knowing he wouldn't walk away Adam worried that he was going to lose it completely.

Adam didn't think he had the energy to pick them both up right now but he would if he had too. He wouldn't blame Sam if he faltered every now and then but his son-in-law hadn't even wobbled, he hadn't let Polly down, or his girls but his breaking point was getting closer. Everyone knew it and was starting to worry about Sam just as much as they worried about Polly.

Right now he tried to convince him to go home and let him stay with Polly. "Take a break, I'll stay. Go back to our place, have a good night's sleep and come back in the morning."

"I'm fine."

"Sam, you can't help Polly if you can't stand up yourself. Let me do the heavy lifting for a few hours." Adam already knew it was fruitless but he had to try.

"I'm not leaving her." He steadfastly refused to leave his wife. "You wouldn't leave Kim if she was like this, would you?"

"No."

Adam hugged him before he left and for just a moment Sam clung to him, he appreciated the strong arms of his father-in-law. Right now he needed them because he himself was starting to wonder if he had the strength to last another month. They were counting the days until this nightmare was over, unlike the excitement of counting down to the day they were due to meet Lola and Mae; this was just a hard slog until the end. "You are doing great. Your Dad would be proud of the man you are. I am proud of you, we all are. Polly is lucky she has you." Sam just held on tighter.

Adam stood outside the door and watched Sam for a few minutes, just to make sure he was okay. He watched him kiss Polly gently on the forehead and whisper something to her before pulling up a seat, resting his head on the bed near Polly's hand and he had to turn away when he saw Sam's chest heave.

Kim was waiting for him when he got home. The girls were in bed and she was folding washing to keep herself busy. Adam had let her know that Polly was being admitted and he'd stay until Sam arrived. She had held it together until the girls were in bed and then had a little cry on her own. "How is she?"

"Out of it." He dropped down beside Kim and leaned on her shoulder. "I told Sam to come home, or go back to our place and get some sleep and I'd stay but he refused. He's staying the night."

"I thought he would."

"Fuck, Kim this is shit." Adam ran his hand roughly through his hair. "I don't know what to do."

"We do what we are doing."

"I want to fix this, I can't deal with Polly being like this. It's killing me, that's my baby girl. She'll always be my baby girl and when she's broken I need to fix her." Adam as a father was her favourite human ever. He had never lost an ounce of passion for them.

"Adam we can't, we can't fix her."

"I know, but god it's fucked." Kim spied the movement over his shoulder as Mae did her re-appearing act. They had put her in a real bed a few weeks ago in preparation for the new baby, so that she wouldn't feel like she'd been kicked out of her cot for the new one. She had also climbed out of her cot recently and Sam had been horrified to see her standing in the doorway to their bedroom when he got out of the shower. She had scared the crap out of him.

"Come here monkey." Kim waved her over and she climbed up in between them and had a good cuddle. Adam needed it, having his grand daughter curled up on his lap was precisely what he needed and he reluctantly took her back up to bed when she fell asleep. He checked on Lola who was buried deep in her quilt and dead to the world before heading back down to cuddle up to his wife.

Kim decided they needed to change the subject or at least get his mind off it. "You know it gets me all kind of tingly seeing you be the most adorable Pops."

"Strange things turn you on."

"No, not strange things, just you." Kim started kissing his neck and Adam laughed and pushed her away.

"Don't tease me. I know you don't want me right now, you get all freaked out about having sex when the GD's are sleeping."

"Perhaps I need to take my mind off things too. You know it's not easy for me either. I've been pregnant and that's hard enough as it is, this should be the happiest few months waiting for the new baby and it's not and I hate this for them." Kim stopped kissing him but she was running her hand over his stomach and loving the warmth of his skin. "I remember loving every minute of Polly's pregnancy, the excitement of having our baby. It should be like that. I loved you talking to our babies and touching my belly and Polly hates that she can't even stand Sam sleeping in the same bed as her. I worry about them."

"I saw Sam tonight, you don't need to worry about them, not like that." Adam had seen the look on Sam's face, he wasn't going anywhere and he also held Polly's hand when she was desperately waiting for Sam to arrive. "You were beautiful when you were pregnant and oh so horny if I remember rightly." He tugged at the hem of her shirt and eventually wiggled his fingers underneath until he got to touch her skin. "You still turn me on every single day."

Kim jumped up off the couch and held out her hand to her husband. They both needed to get their mind off things. "Let's go to bed."

Sam came home briefly the next morning to pick up some things for Polly; she was staying another day at least. The dehydration was worse than they thought and Polly had apologised to Sam for putting the baby at risk just so she could spend some time with him. "I'd do anything to spend time with you too." Sam assured her he was okay "Don't apologise." As long as they both safe and he reluctantly agreed to go home and shower and change.

The girls were excited to see him but Sam was distracted. "How are you?" Kim rested her hand on Sam's shoulder as he sat down heavily at the dining table while she slid a plate of pancakes in front of him. Adam had promised the girls pancakes for breakfast and they hadn't forgotten. Lola was onto him the moment she made him open his eyes. Mae was already in bed with them, Kim didn't have the heart to deny her an early morning cuddle. He thought he wasn't hungry but the smell of the food made him realise he hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon and he tucked in.

"Tired. Do you mind keeping them today? I'm going to go back and stay with Polly, it was a rough night and the Doctor is coming back after lunch. I want to be there."

"Of course. I will take them home and come and get them when you are ready." Kim could see that Sam felt guilty for not wanting them around right now, he had struggled to look interested when they were climbing all over him and Adam had taken them down the park when they were making a racket. "You should get a few hours sleep before you go back. Does Polly need anything before I go?"

"I'll just grab a shower and pack a few things, she wants some clean clothes." He was so flat. "The meds have kicked in now, it was a bitch fight to get her to take them but she's feeling better but they want to top her up a bit longer. She's not happy. The termite is kicking up a storm this morning though." The only bit of joy they had to look forward to today was the promise of a scan.

"He is?' Kim was constantly trying to get Sam to slip up and thought that with him being so tired she might just catch him out. It was killing them knowing that both knew what they were having and were keeping it a secret. It was no great mystery that everyone was hoping for a boy but Sam and Polly were happy with what they had and what they were expecting. They didn't care what it was, they wanted a healthy baby and Sam wanted a healthy wife and they both wanted this to be over.

"Nice try." He forced out a laugh. "They are going to do a scan this afternoon so we can see the little termite." It was always a relief to see the baby growing and moving around on the screen, it kept them going. "Polly is looking forward to that."

Polly was asleep when he got back, they hadn't slept much last night and he pulled up a chair and drifted off himself. When a midwife came in Sam woke up and Polly was just getting out of bed for a shower. "Want a hand?"

"I am worried what you'd do with that hand."

"Whatever you want me to do." Sam winked and he did like the little laugh he got. She was feeling better and that was a relief. She did ask him to come in and wash her back; it was hard to get her arms around her seven-month pregnant belly as tiny as it was. She leant on the tiled wall and let Sam massage her back; it was a rare intimate moment for them. The contented sigh Polly let out was music to his ears and he would have stood there all day if he needed to.

"Did they mind taking the girls?"

"Mind? I am not sure we will ever get them back." Sam turned off the taps and wrapped her up in a towel. "I think we will have some serious behaviour modification to do at the end of all this. I think they are both deficient in Vitamin N."

"What the hell is that?"

"No, they've got no Vitamin No in them."

"Your Mom isn't much better."

"Nope, not at all. They've all got the same deficiency." Sam helped Polly get dressed again, just in time for the doctor to come in and have a chat to them.

They were still happy with Polly's progress, despite how unwell she was. For someone with severe hyperemesis she was doing surprisingly well. The termite was a little on the small side but it was dancing up a storm at the moment and had a good steady heartbeat. They loved seeing all those arms and legs waving and kicking. It had always amazed Sam when Polly told him she could feel the baby hiccoughing and right now he could see it and it was incredible. They loved these moments, they were few and far between but beautiful when they happened.

He got to take her home early the next morning. Sam had gone home late, the girls were staying with the Ruzek's and Sam crashed there. Polly made sure he left in time to put the girls to bed. They were trying their best for them and as soon as he got them to sleep, he had a quick bite to eat before calling Polly to check on her and trying to get some much needed sleep. He took Lola to school before he went and picked up Polly and bought her home. Mae got to spend some time with her Mom; it was even nicer to spend the day with just Polly and Mae. Polly didn't do much; Sam insisted she take it easy. Usually after she came home from hospital she was reasonably good. The drugs and infusions she had perked her up a bit although the window was small. Sam took Polly to pick up Lola from school. She actually burst into tears when she saw her Mom.

Little pockets of normalcy were all they could hope for and they grabbed them when they could.

The day Polly was booked in for the Induction wasn't exciting because they were about to meet their baby but they were excited that Polly's traumatic pregnancy had finally come to an end. During the labour Polly managed to spew on Sam half a dozen times and they pumped her full of anti-emetics to help ease her symptoms, he just changed his clothes and was back at her side without a word. Polly walked around the room and stopped to lean on Sam when a contraction intensified. "This fucking hurts Sam." Polly groaned. "Worse than Lola."

Thankfully it was a short labour but incredibly intense. Her body wasn't ready to give up the baby just yet and they were working against nature and it was horrifically painful and they did have to fight pretty hard to let Sam deliver the baby, They were so far from a couple that demanded soothing music, calming words and candles in the labour ward but they didn't like the chaos in the room either. Sam had some very short but intense conversations with the Doctor and unless he could show that the baby was in distress or Polly was they were not going to budge.

At one stage they did think Polly would need a C-section but Polly was desperate to try despite the toll it would take on her. They hooked her up to an IV, giving her fluids including dextrose for energy and she would suck down a protein pack and then bring it back up again. Sam was beside himself with worry watching her struggle through the labour, even the gas she took to relieve the pain just made her feel sick and vomit so she stopped that and tried to grin and bear it.

"Let me try Sam, please. I want to do it." she begged him. The fact that she was close to 10cm made them hold off and he had no idea where she found the strength but she did it. Sam was with her until the very last moment before he took over from the midwife as the head crowned. While it wasn't exactly pretty Sam loved helping their baby come into the world, he felt a hot sting of tears trickle down his cheeks when his new baby was in his hands and saw that beautiful face for the first time.

Sam was relieved it was over and the baby was here safely but for those first few seconds his relief and love for his wife overshadowed the baby in his hands. Polly vomited just as the baby was born and Sam was devastated for her and Polly was distraught. The midwife had taken Polly's gown off as she had vomited on it but that made it easier for Sam to lay the baby on her chest. He just needed Polly to open her eyes and take a look.


	51. Three's A Crowd

"Sweetheart take a look." Sam urged her as he held onto the baby lying on her chest. Polly squeezed her eyes shut and waited and the silence was overwhelming. She just wanted to hear a cry.

"I can't Sam, what's wrong? Something's wrong." Suddenly a desperate wail filled the room.

"Nothing's wrong, Baby. Open your eyes." He begged her; she was physically and emotionally exhausted. Finally Polly opened her eyes and looked at the baby writhing on her chest trying to do what nature intended and find her breast. "Polly, honey, he's perfect, he's beautiful. Look at him Baby." Polly laid a shaky hand on his back and Sam covered it with his. "Say hello to your son."

"Hi Little Man." Polly had tears streaming down her face as she looked at her son for the first time and saw his big bright eyes looking up at her. For Sam it always blew him away when Polly saw her babies for the first time, she was hot, sweaty, exhausted and so beautiful in that moment. "Oh look at you."

Their son had a ferocious appetite from the get go and he was desperately trying to claw his way over Polly's chest towards her breast. Sam helped Polly sit up a little so that he could get closer to his holy grail. It wasn't unlike the animal kingdom and babies knew what to do given the chance so they let him go and he just needed a little help getting the whole nipple in his tiny mouth, which Sam helped him do. Again they asked that for the first few minutes he only felt the touch of his parents, Lola had it and Mae missed out so they were determined that all going well their son would get to feel that love. He did well and was sucking furiously in no time flat; no doubt making up for lost time and for Polly it may not have been instantaneous but by the time he was a few hours old his mother was head over heels in love with him.

It would probably take another few days for Polly to start feeling normal and while she had vomited immediately after the birth she steadfastly refused to continue taking medication once he was born. He'd faced enough challenges as it was, she as worried enough that the drugs she'd already taken were in her breast milk and it had taken them a lot of negotiating to get her to take anything to make it through the labour.

Sam spent the first hour, once he had been fed cuddling his tiny son as Polly slept; she was completely exhausted and Sam told her to sleep and Polly only agreed if the baby stayed with his Daddy. She couldn't hold him any longer because while the labour was only four hours Polly was shattered. They hadn't slept at all the night before, Polly had been anxious and that made everything worse and Sam sat up with her all night. They had sent the girls to stay with his mother for the night anticipating that it would be rough and they had to be in the hospital early.

Sam had his shirt open and his little boy was lying on his chest and he loved how calm he was and how soft and warm he felt. "You created havoc little man but I am so glad you are here and I know your Mom is too. She loves you so much; she fought so hard for you, every single day. You'll soon find out how amazing she is, but I think you already know." He dipped his head and kissed his forehead, relishing the feeling of his soft skin. "The first time she felt you kick you should have seen her smile; man it was beautiful. I knew you'd be okay because you have the best Mom in the world; you are a lucky little termite and you've gnawed your way into our hearts. You are our man and we love you so much and you have these two awesome sisters, who are going to love you and I can't wait for them to meet you."

"I'm glad you got your boy." Polly whispered sleepily. She had watched Sam staring and talking to the baby without him realising she was awake. He was playing with his hand that was tucked up by his face and was mesmerized by him, but then again he was like this with Lola and Mae too.

"Ah Polly honey, I'm in heaven. I've been in heaven since that day I came back and first saw you again. He's beautiful." He stood up and bought him over to his mother. "We've done good baby."

"I'm glad it's over."

"So am I. That was one rough ride."

Polly held out her arms and Sam wrapped his blanket around him and handed him over. "He is pretty cute isn't he?"

"Yep. Like father like son." Sam was happy to see Polly spend some time with him. So far she hadn't held him much, she'd fed him and he knew she was happy he was here and she did love him but it took her a little bit of time to connect with him. They knew this was likely to happen; they'd had some counselling throughout the pregnancy to help them deal with the challenges that a HG pregnancy tossed up. It was the ultimate stress test and it had pushed them to the edge. They stayed strong though but it hadn't been easy and Polly had fretted at the thought of not loving her baby. It had been a bitter pill to swallow and one night she admitted to Sam that she was scared she wasn't going to love their baby. It was around the time they decided to find out what they were having just so she could start to try and feel something and while she was desperate for him to be okay she remained oddly disconnected from him throughout the pregnancy. Sam knew she'd be fine though; he had faith in her.

Finding out they were having a boy was a little overwhelming, Polly had convinced Sam that they would have another girl. She was trying to prepare herself for Sam's disappointment that it was a third daughter; she didn't want him to think she had let him down so when they were told that their new little baby had a penis and because of her emotional state she burst into tears. Sam didn't care, he told her that from the start. They were having another child and that was beautiful and whether it was a boy or a girl didn't matter to him. They had all this love in their hearts, they had a family ready to love another baby and that's all that mattered to him. She knew he was excited though and made him stop on the way home and buy a little blue beanie so that it made it a real. They were getting their boy. It was easy to keep it to themselves because so much of this pregnancy was everyone's business, everyone knew every single little moment of the whole thing and they liked that while they couldn't get physically close they had this huge precious secret that they could share in.

"You love him don't you Sam?" Polly wanted Sam to love him because she wasn't sure she did, not as much as he deserved anyway.

"I do, and so do you Polly. Baby, look at me." He hooked one finger under her chin and made sure Polly looked at him. "You don't see what I see, I can see it in your eyes. He's a lucky boy because he has you as his Mom, just like Lola and Mae are. I believe in you."

"I'm trying." Polly smiled weakly as she sat up and crossed her legs before laying him down on the bed and unwrapping him. Sam didn't say anything, he just kissed her and slipped his arm around her shoulder and held on a little tighter while Polly explored every beautiful inch of her little boy.

The little boy squirmed and grunted as she touched him, stroked his arms and legs and rested her hand on his tiny chest, feeling his warm buttery skin rise and fall beneath her protective and loving touch. Sam thought she was at her most beautiful as he watched her fall in love with him. "It seems weird."

"What does?"

"That he's a boy." Despite knowing they were having a boy Polly still couldn't believe it. "Part of me still had this belief that they had made a mistake and we would have a girl. Look at his little teeny tiny willy." He was only 6lbs1oz, although considering Polly's small weight gain that was a good size and he was healthy and that's all that mattered. He was also a little bigger than Mae had been even though he had an extra few weeks of cooking than she did but he was strong and desperate to feed which was a positive. They had given him a good once over, had him checked by a neonatologist as well as a paediatrician and a midwife was in doing obs on him every half hour and so far he'd passed every test.

"Are you mocking his junk?"

"A little yes. It's hard to imagine that you probably started off like this too."

"Honey, I doubt you remember what mine looks like." It was true they hadn't even got close to having sex for weeks; they'd just given up because it wasn't working for Polly and it just upset her too much if she tried and failed. It was Sam that put a stop to it, while he missed her, seeing her so distraught wasn't worth it and certainly didn't make it enjoyable. He was just grateful for a kiss some days.

"I hope it hasn't shrivelled up and dropped off." Polly was obsessed with the fact that they hadn't had sex for months and the more she carried on about it the more Sam missed it. He had growled at her one night to 'shut the fuck up' about it. _'I fucking know we haven't had sex for three months, my balls are like fucking oranges.'_ He stormed from the bedroom huffing and puffing and went for a run before coming back and taking a long shower. He felt like an asshole when she apologised through her tears. The pregnancy had been tough on everyone for a lot of reasons.

"It's raring to go." Sam handed Polly a clean diaper. "Just give me the word."

"Not before pest control comes in and exterminates all your termites."

"You know, I find this conversation very unsettling." Sam scoffed as he kissed his son's tiny fingers. Polly constantly reminded him what she thought about his ability to get her pregnant. "My termites might be active but by fuck they are high quality."

"It's time for them to die."

Sam was done with that conversation. He was getting the snip, it was decided long ago, not long after Polly found out she was pregnant but they felt the need to wait until this baby arrived safely. The longer the pregnancy went on the more they got used to the idea of having three children so despite Polly's horrific pregnancy they did think it was wise to wait before Sam had his vasectomy. Not that they were sure they would put themselves at risk of another pregnancy like this one should things go wrong but at the end of the day they both felt that perhaps they were meant to have three and if it turned out that the Doctors were wrong there was always that lure of a boy to make them decide to hold off. So he waited. "So…time to let everyone in on the secret. How long do you think our Mom's have spent on the phone today?"

"Trying to work it out? Hours. Mom will be driving Dad insane." They had gone to a lot of trouble to plan out this part. There hadn't been a lot to get excited about through this pregnancy, apart from the small fact they were having another child so they chose to do this for their families. Sam went home and picked up the girls and Polly had warned him to keep his powder dry or else. They had told their parents that the baby had arrived safely and they were both doing well and asked them to come in at 4pm and not a moment earlier.

He took the girls back to the hospital, making a quick stop on the way and Lola burst out of the lift and Sam barely got hold of her to guide her to their room because she was desperate to see her Mom, Sam carried Mae in on his hip and her little face lit up when she saw her Mom and then she cried. She had been a bit clingy since he picked her up and they both climbed onto Polly's bed and enjoyed a few minutes with their Mom before they introduced them to their baby brother. They let them both have a cuddle. snapped a few photos of the three of them together surrounded by the big bunches of blue balloons and they spent some time together as a family.

They had been worried right through the pregnancy about Lola who had steadfastly told them, one more than one occasion that she wanted a sister. She didn't want a boy; she wanted a sister. When they told her she already had a sister Lola explained, in her six year old way, that she wanted a 'nice' sister. She really wasn't coping with Mae's attitude at the moment and Mae was full of it.

Her bottom lip had quivered a little when Sam told them both they had a brother. They were standing in the balloon shop and Sam had ordered blue balloons. "It's a boy, we have a beautiful little boy."

"But…." Lola started.

"You know how much you love Uncle Bus, that's Mommy's brother and she loves him and he's so much fun isn't he?" Lola nodded. "Now you've got a little brother too." Mae didn't give a fat rat's clacker, she just wanted some balloons and to see her Mom and to see _'a baby'_.

Polly was in heaven, being able to hug her girls and seeing them fuss over their brother was everything she had hoped it would be. Sam looked at her and felt his own emotions bubbling up as he saw Polly's absolute joy and how much she loved the three little people they had made.

When Sam opened the door and let them all in the girls literally bounced up and down clutching the blue balloons. "It's a boy." Lola screamed excitedly and Mae just squealed, letting go of the balloons in the process.

The more people fussed over him the more Polly started to feel that overwhelming love and tears streamed down her face when their parents just adored him. "This is Alfie. Alfred Phillip Ruzek Hollister." Sam declared happily, they had argued long and hard about his name and dismissed a lot of suggestions, Alfie was the only one they agreed on and it was Polly's choice and he thought she deserved that. "We are ecstatic, we think he's beautiful and Lola and Mae are a little besotted by him already." Sam slipped his arm around his mother's shoulder; they both knew that she would be overwhelmed with his name, that they had given him Sam's fathers name as his middle name meant the world to her. She missed her husband and moments like this were tough.

"Thank you." She whispered as Sam squeezed her hand.

"I wish he was here to meet him."

"Charlotte, Mabel and Alfred." Adam laughed. "It's a time warp in here." He started singing and dancing in front of the girls. They'd never heard the Time Warp song but they loved their Pops singing and dancing and were soon jumping around with him.

"I can tell you…" Polly was adamant. "…this is it, no more."

"Thank god for that." Kim had hated every single minute of her daughter's pregnancy. It had been torture watching her struggle through each day. Adam hated it as well and they often comforted each other at home when they were alone after particularly bad days and weeks. They wanted to be strong for Polly and Sam and also for the girls, they didn't want them to see them worried in case that upset them. Looking at the tiny little boy in her arms now though helped ease her worries. She'd been a nervous wreck all day and Adam had copped a few sprays until they got the message from Sam.

 _'Just a quick update – Polly is doing really well after a short four hour labour. She did an amazing job. I am so proud of her. The Baby is also healthy and doing well, all 6lbs 1oz of Ruzek Hollister perfection, we've gotta say, we've knocked it out of the park. They have managed a feed and Polly is now resting comfortably, catching up on some much needed sleep and I am having lots of cuddles. Polly feels okay, not great but they are really happy with both of them. We can't wait to see you at 4pm so you can meet…..'_

It was agony not knowing and Kim told him that in no uncertain terms although his comment about a third time made her convinced they had another girl and she called Jolene and they dissected Sam's comment and Jolene agreed. He did explain that they wanted to girls to know before anyone else and they wanted them to meet the baby first and while it was annoying, it was understandable.

Once Kim and Jolene had their first cuddle it was Adam's turn and Alfie almost disappeared in his Grandfather's arms. "Oh Alfie. We've waited so long for you and guess what.." he bent down and kissed his tiny cheek. "..you are perfect. I love you so much, you have no idea how much I love your Mom, she's my baby and I am so proud of her and your sisters, man, they are little hotties and you need to look out for them, and that Dad of yours, he's amazing too. He loves your Mom so much, he took care of her so that we could have you." Adam wiped away a few stray tears. "We are so lucky to have you, you have no idea how special you are."

 _'Firstly we want to thank everyone for their unwavering support during the past eight months. It has been challenging, heartbreaking and emotionally draining and we couldn't have made it without each and every one of you. Especially our families who took care of our girls when we couldn't and helped out by taking the them out and making their lives as fun as possible, helping with meals, school runs, gardening or just sitting with Polly when she was having a bad day._

 _Secondly I don't think I need to tell you how incredibly proud and in awe I am of my beautiful wife, although everyday was an emotional rollercoaster for Polly she was determined to nurture our baby and today we are happy to celebrate the end of a very long road that had a lot of challenges, at times they seemed insurmountable but we made it. I love you Polly. You inspire me everyday._

 _Finally, we are delighted to introduce you to Lola and Mae's baby brother, Alfred Phillip Ruzek Hollister. Alfie weighed in at 6lbs 1oz but is full of fire and fight and making his presence felt. Both Alfie and Polly are doing beautifully, Lola and Mae are still jumping up and down and working out ways to torture their new brother and me, I am coming to terms with being a father of three, I am also relieved that Polly can get back to being the amazing wife and mother that I love with all my heart._

 _Welcome to our family Alfie, you are loved and adored and you owe your Mom big time. Polly is fighting back, but it may take a day or two to start to feel like visitors, our first goal is a meal that stays put. We will keep you updated on when would be a good time to come meet our little champion Until then here's a photo of our trouble maker and his big sisters.'_

They weren't lying when they said the first goal was getting Polly to eat. A few hours after his birth they bought Polly in some toast. She'd been kept on fluids and she was drinking water and some Lucozade, although she was looking forward to seeing the back of that and she did admit she was feeling better, although not quite human.

When Polly ate some toast it was almost as big a celebration as Alfie's birth. "I feel ok." Polly smiled a little when Sam asked. They never thought eating a piece of toast would be such a big thing that it was worthy of a photo to mark the occasion.

Sam took the girls home, celebrating with ice-cream on the way. He let them both sleep in his bed because he loved their little warm bodies on either side of him when Polly wasn't there. Once they were asleep he snuck downstairs, poured himself a whiskey and sat and stared into space. He felt the bubble of emotion work it's way up and didn't even try and stop it. It had been an incredibly painful journey, without a doubt the hardest thing he had faced and some days it was a struggle to keep going. The very fact that Polly never gave up inspired him to do the same, to not give up.

His phone ringing jolted him out of his head space and he smiled at the name, _Polly._ He never got sick of seeing that name on his phone.

"Hi Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"I am. I've just eaten again and Sam I feel good." Her excitement was infectious, all he wanted was for Polly to be happy and she sounded happy right now.

"I'm glad."

"How are the girls?"

"Asleep in our bed, they are sleeping with me tonight." Actually he couldn't wait to get into bed and have them around him.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course. I just want them close and they wanted it too." When he told Lola that she could sleep in his bed she clapped her hands and Mae was all smiles as he lay down with her in their bed.

"Can you talk to me for awhile?" Polly missed him, she had wanted him to stay the night with her so they could just be with Alfie and each other but that wasn't fair. It wasn't fair on Lola and Mae, it hadn't exactly been an easy road for them either and at times they both felt that they were barely parents to their girls. They were loved and cared for, but as much as your family tries to fill the gap their little girls needed their anchors; they needed their parents. Tonight Sam was being their Dad and she loved him for that.

"Sure, about what? What do you want to hear?"

"Tell me about how we fell in love. I love that story."

"It goes back a long way, where do you want me to start?"

So Sam told her about their story and Polly just listened to him talk. "It's still going, it's still growing and there is so much more to tell."

"Can you believe we have three children?"

"Not really. That night in the bar, when I fell in love with you again I never thought we'd have all this. Hey how is Alfie?"

"He's asleep, he's just had another feed. He's so tiny Sam." His heart almost ruptured when she whispered. "I love him so much."

"I know you do."


	52. Boys Will Be Boys

_Oh my God Sam, Look what we've done._

 _I am looking at your son while he's sleeping, he's peaceful, his belly is full and he's blissfully unaware of his journey to be with us. (I am also eating a banana, and it's so good, you'd be proud of me! I know if I sent you a photo it would low-key get you excited.)_

 _Our road was rough, and some days I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow, some days I couldn't bare to be touched by you, I couldn't be near you and it broke my heart. I miss you, I miss all the ways you love me, I miss all the ways you've always showed me you love me but not once did I feel unloved by you. I can't wait to sleep next to you again; I want to sleep in your arms. I can't wait to be touched by you again; I can't wait to make love to you again._

 _It was also an amazing time for me to really understand the depth of my love for you and your love for me. Only the most perfect type of love can grow without any physical contact, but we knew that anyway didn't we? It grew when you were in Kenya and it grew like a tree in the spring after a long hard winter these last few months. It was all the little things I watched you do for me, for our daughters, for our unborn son._

 _This, this makes us stronger. This didn't break us because we can't be broken._

 _From that very first day we found out I was pregnant with Charlotte I knew we had something special. Our two amazingly beautiful daughters filled our home, our hearts and our souls._

 _Now we have our boy, your boy, the boy I know you always wanted. I knew it didn't mean that you loved Charlotte and Mabel any less; actually I see you love them more and more each day and that makes me love you more everyday. Watching you be their Daddy, their everything is so beautiful and pure. It melts my heart. I could watch you love them all day._

 _You nurture them, challenge them, believe in them, love them, adore them, protect them and teach them. You show them the good in you, the good in men and the good in the world. You make their worlds brighter, louder, funnier, and safer. I know they will be strong, resilient, compassionate women because of your belief in them._

 _Our son is lucky that he has you to teach him, guide him and show him how to be a man. I want to watch Alfie walk beside you and look up to you and one day dream of being like his Dad._

 _I know I told you that I wanted to know whom we were creating so that I could learn to love them, but I already did. I did love our baby and when we found out that we had our little boy I was even more determined to give you the son you craved. I needed to fight for him, for you and for our family. I would do whatever I had to do to keep him safe and protect him and keep him growing strong. I would endure one hellish day after the other to give you your perfect son._

 _Every single minute of this terrible journey I felt you beside me. I watched you go to work all day and come home and take care of our girls, every single day without fail and without one single complaint. Then you would take care of me, clean up after me, pick me up off the floor, sit by my bedside in hospital, stab me with a needle and you held our family together. I could see the devastation in you with each passing week when things didn't get better. I know you had times when you faltered, that you cried and I wanted to comfort you, support you and I promise I will do that for you now. If you need me Sam, I am here._

 _I felt your joy when we had those days where I just felt a little bit more human because they were the good days and I was overwhelmed watching you talk to Alfie and tell him how lucky he was. He's lucky because has you for a Dad._

 _My darling husband, you are my world and you kept my world spinning. For seven years we've lived, laughed and loved and I can't wait for the next seven hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades. I can't wait to live again, with you, with Charlotte our firecracker, with Mabel our sweetheart and with Alfred, our miracle._

 _Watching you hold our babies, that look of wonder on your face every time you held them is my most precious memory. Knowing that you were willing to make sure they came into the world straight into your safe hands and watching you and your determination to make sure Mae knew who's hands were always going to be there to protect her blows me away. I hold them dear to my heart; those are sweet memories. I hold you in my heart, you are my heart, you are my soul, and you have given me life._

 _My children are safe in your hands; my heart is safe in your hands._

 _Seeing you fall in love with your son, our perfect little boy made every single day of the past nine months worth it._

 _I love you Sam._

 _Thank you for being my everything. Thank you for my three beautiful children. Thank you for loving me._

 _Thank you for being MY SAM._

 _Polly XX_

Polly had asked her brother to give the letter to Sam, Gus had come in after Sam had already taken the girls home. Mae was getting stroppy, it was all getting a little much for her and while Polly was ready to come home they wanted them both to stay a couple of days just to make sure Polly was eating well again. She had seen a dietician to help manage her weight gain. After not eating much for eight months a sudden increase in diet could make her gain weight too rapidly but that needed to be balanced with getting enough nutrients to maintain her breastfeeding. They also needed to make sure that Alfie was feeding well and he was gaining weight particularly because he was so small.

Sam had just sat down after putting the girls to bed when the doorbell rang. He groaned a little, he was really hoping for some peace and quiet and a chance to put his feet up and talk to Polly. He missed her already and they hadn't had a lot of time alone together lately. He was desperate to have her at home again, probably because he knew he'd be back in her bed again and he couldn't wait for that to happen.

He stopped in after work, he wasn't taking time off until Polly came home, and had Alfie in his arms within minutes of walking through the door while the girls spent time with their Mom. His mother had bought them in to see Kim and took off once Sam arrived so they could spend some time together as a family. Mae did come and sit with him for a few minutes while he cuddled the baby and chatted away to him. "Fingers." She touched his hand softly.

"He does have ten little fingers and toes. He's very cute, cute like you." He loved when Mae bent down and kissed his head. She seemed so gentle with him, as opposed to Lola who buzzed around the room like a bee in spring.

"Fie is sleepy." He was sound asleep in his Dad's arms and blissfully unaware of his sisters. Polly had just finished feeding him before Sam arrived and it seems like he was doing well with the nursing. The three occasions Polly had done this were all so different. Lola was a steep learning curve and they had a lot of issues to begin with, Mae struggled early because she was small and in the NICU but once they got home it was bliss and giving up the breast was her issue and now Alfie was still getting the hang of it but he seemed determined and Polly felt confident they would be fine. He was a sleepy baby though and Sam had barely seen him awake and he really wanted to wake him up and talk to him but he knew that would be a fatal mistake, Polly would kill him.

Getting them to leave Polly was ugly and it involved bribing them with burgers and ice cream on the way home. Mae was in tears, Alfie woke up and started to cry and Lola barely held it together when Polly started to get emotional. Sam felt like the world's biggest asshole as he carried both of them out crying for their Mom. Now they were fed, watered and washed and in bed he closed his eyes for a second. To save time and reduce the risk of them losing it again, Mae was teetering on the edge all night and Lola had set her off several times by her mere presence it seemed they all showered together and that in itself was a feat. Lola and Mae fought over who got to stand under the water and Sam froze his ass off as he barely got wet and tried to negotiate peace between North and South Korea.

"Hey Gus." He opened the door. "Come in man."

Gus held up a bottle of bourbon. "To celebrate."

"Bring it in. I get some glasses."

He poured them both a drink and held up his glass. "To Alfred, my most awesome little nephew. Congratulations Bud."

"Thanks Man. We are pretty stoked." Sam clinked his glass. "Have you been in to see them?"

"Yeah I did, he's pretty damn cute, even with you as his father. Polly looks happy." He'd stopped in during a shift to see them both; Rhiannon was at a work function tonight and had stopped in already to meet Alfie.

"She is glad it's over, over the moon that he's okay and happy to be able to keep food down."

"And you?"

"Glad it's over, glad he's okay, delighted that Polly can eat again and happy to be here drinking this with you." He held up his glass and Gus tipped his towards him.

"How are the girls?"

Sam looked over Gus's shoulder. "Well you can ask Mae yourself." He laughed and held out his arms for his little girl to climb into. "Come here monkey." Mae dumped her Rhino in her Dad's lap and climbed up and rested her head on his chest. "Say hello to Bus."

"Oooohhh." She sat up all of a sudden, not realising that Gus was here. "Bus." Sam tried not to feel rejected when she scrambled off his lap and over to her uncle.

"Mabel." He cooed as he bundled her up and kissed her cheek. "What are you doing up?"

"I wake."

"I can see that. Hey, I saw Alfie today."

"Fie, baby. He cry."

"He's beautiful like you." Mae stayed on Gus's lap for a few minutes but when Sam got up to go to the bathroom Mae started to grizzle and Gus struggled to distract her, she wanted to follow her Dad.

He scooped her up out off Gus's lap when he got back; he was only gone for a minute. She wasn't coping well with the separation from Polly at the moment; it had been ugly when they left the hospital. For so long she didn't get to cuddle her Mom and the past two days Polly had been all up in the cuddle department and Mae loved it. Now she was home her focus had shifted to her Dad and she wanted him constantly, she followed him around like a lost puppy. "It's okay Mae. Daddy's not going anywhere."

Mae stayed with him, curled up on his lap until she fell asleep and he took her up to bed. "So?" Gus poured him another drink. "How are you really?"

"Gus, I'm tired man. I'm done."

"Done with what?"

"Don't worry Bud, I am not done with Polly, or these kids or this life. I am just tired man, really tired."

"It's been rough. I was really worried about Polly…" he took a long slow mouthful of his drink. Things rarely got that deep between the two of them. "…and you."

"I was okay."

"No you weren't but by fuck you kept going man. It was impressive."

"What choice did I have? That's Polly man, and she was hanging by a thread, what was I supposed to do. Tell her to get up and get on with it and stop bitching."

"Hey, I knew you wouldn't bat an eyelid but it was still impressive. Take a compliment for fuck's sake."

"Okay." He nodded. "It killed me watching her go through it, every single fucking day."

"It was tough and it was horrible to watch, we felt pretty helpless and I hated seeing Polly suffer but looking at her today with Alfie and I know she wouldn't have it any other way."

"Polly is spectacular. I don't know how else to put it. She's my whole world."

"But?"

"No buts… Polly is my world man; I'd crawl over hot coals for her. Man, those girls up there..." he waved his hand in the direction of the stairs. "…and that little boy." He choked on a sob. "They are everything."

Gus lifted his glass. "To your everything." He put his glass back on the table and leant back and folded his hands behind his head. "You know, I never thought my sister having a baby would make much of a difference to my life and then Lola was born and it hit me, like this baby had her hand wrapped around my heart from the moment I saw her, I can't imagine what it feels like to look at this life that you made with Pol, I don't know how you stop looking at them. After that I just wanted more, Mae, she's right here man." He tapped his chest. "And today I saw Alfie and I don't know, it's like he's always been here."

"I just want them home."

"I don't blame you. When is that going to happen?"

"Tomorrow would be good but maybe another day. I'm not sure. He's feeding well so hopefully we can convince them to let us out." Sam gathered his wits again, he'd been a little blindsided by Gus talking about how much he loves his kids. "You think you'll do this one day soon?"

"Well…" he thought about it for a moment. "…I think I had almost convinced Rhiannon to give it a go and then you two put on a horror show worthy of an Oscar and she's a little gun shy again."

"Sorry about that, but focus on the prize Bud. That's worth it."

"Yeah, easier said than done." Gus had always worried that Rhiannon would never overcome her fears of being a mother. "She is terrified of being like her mother."

"She's already nothing like her mother. I see her with my two bugs and she's awesome, they love her." Sam looked at the glass in his hand for a moment; he was feeling emotional. "It's nothing like what you feel for your own though, I mean I love Noah and Lucas but when Lola arrived I was just blown away by how she made me feel, it's just so..." he didn't know how to say it. "…overwhelming and incredible. When they call you Dad for the first time, actually every time it just gets me here." He patted his chest. Gus had never seen him so open and willing to share. Sam kept a lot to himself. "I was worried that Mae wouldn't get to me the way Lola did but holy crap she did and now Alfie. There is nothing like this feeling man, nothing."

"I want all that."

"You'll get there man. You know, even though we were going through all this shit and I can tell you it was a fucking living nightmare seeing Polly so desperately sick we still thought that if for some reason we lost this baby we would probably do it again. Alfie was worth every single minute of that pregnancy and that's not just me saying that, that was Polly." Gus looked at him like he was mad. "All I am saying is, the end product blows it all out of the water."

"Pol asked me to give you this." Gus pulled the letter out of his pocket and handed it to Sam, he turned it over in his hand. "It feels heavy, must be soppy."

"Knowing Polly it is." He laid it on his thigh and rested his hand on it. "I won't torture you with it."

He lay on the bed, clutching it to his chest and sobbed his heart out. He'd crashed a few times during the past few months, when he was alone but nothing like this, one day he welcomed his son into the world and the next day Sam crashed and burned alone in their bed. This had almost broken him; this had pushed him to the edge and yet what Polly had been through eclipsed his anguish and pain. What hurt him the most is he blamed himself for putting her in this position by getting her pregnant again. Polly knew he wanted a son but at what cost? At times it didn't seem worth it, until they held their son in their arms and then all this didn't matter.

A few times he broke down in the shower and not even on the really rough days, sometimes it just hit him out of nowhere, like the time he'd put his head down on Polly's bed the night Adam had taken her to hospital and felt the hot sting of tears while she slept, he couldn't hold them in any longer. She knew it, she rested her hand on his head but they never talked about it but he knew Polly understood.

He racked his brains to think of something to say. Writing a letter seemed a bit naff. He didn't want Polly to think he'd just done it because she had. It had to be more than that.

Sam was in the hospital early the next morning before work. Polly was asleep as was Alfie so he picked up the sleeping baby and sat by the bed for a few minutes and watched her with his little boy snuggled into his protective arms. When he had to go he put him back in his crib and woke Polly with a soft kiss. "My crazy, my heart." He whispered.

"Sam. What time is it?" It was the best wake up she'd had in months; usually she woke up with a desperate need to spew. She couldn't wait to wake up next to him but until then this will have to do.

"Early, it's not quite six." Polly was surprised he was in so early, she didn't expect to see him until after work but knew his Mom was coming over to look after the girls today. Polly fretted about them being left again, they'd been dumped on other people far too much but having Sam home when she came home was more than worth another couple of days of juggling them. "I just wanted to look at you. I needed to see you before work because I wanted to thank you for your letter, for my daughters and for my son. I just wanted to tell you; you are my crazy, my heart."

"We did good didn't we?"

"This doesn't stop." He grabbed Polly's hand and rested it on his chest. "I don't stop loving you."

"Nope." She caught his tears on her fingertips.

"I want to take you home. I want you to sleep in my arms. I want to take you and Alfie home."

"Our little family."

Sam leant on the bed and bought his face close to Polly's. "Our heartbeats."

When Sam arrived to visit on his way home from work Polly was sitting on the edge of her bed, Alfie was bundled up in her arms, his little blue beanie pulled down tight over his head and her bag was packed and waiting by the door. Polly had been waiting a while, he'd called to say he was running late and Polly almost told him then to hurry up and take her home but she wanted to see the look on his face. He was trying to get things squared away so that he could take a couple of weeks leave once Alfie was home. They'd done it with both Lola and Mae and they had loved those first few weeks at home with both their girls. Jolene had bought them in after she picked Lola up from school and they'd already gone home because Mae was a nightmare. She'd thrown the mother of all tantrums and Lola chucked a fit because Mae was being 'horrible'. Polly couldn't stand their fighting and when Sam said he was going to be late Jolene took them home. "Take us home Sam."

"Really?"

"We are free, I begged and begged. I've eaten all day and feel great, Alfie is feeding well and you know we've done this a couple of times before. Take us home."

Lola was just excited to see her Mom and completely ignored her Dad who was just behind her. Mae burst into tears when she saw her Mom and dropped to the floor sobbing and then demanded to be picked up. Neither of them had figured out that if their Mom was home then so was their brother, but Jolene did and had him out of Sam's arms in an instant. Polly cuddled both of the girls while Jolene just adored her grandson and Sam was left unpacking the car, the boy had some shit already.

After months of living hell Polly couldn't have been happier. Sam loved how peaceful she looked. His old Polly had come back in the hospital but this was something else and the whole place felt like their home again. She made room for all three of them as she sat on the couch; his sweet family and Polly looked up at him and smiled. It lit up her face, her eyes that had been so dull for so long were alive and Sam pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and took a deep breath. He was content.

Once the girls were in their pyjamas Polly could hear them whispering with their Dad as they came downstairs. She was just finishing up feeding Alfie and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. "All ready for bed?" Both Lola and Mae stood in front of her hiding their hands behind their backs.

"We got a present for you?" Lola blurted out as she presented the blue box with a flourish. "Daddy bought it." She glanced at Sam who just shrugged.

"Sam." Polly couldn't believe it as she made the girls sit up beside her while Alfie was still on her lap. Untying the white ribbon she was stunned by the beautiful diamond ring inside the box. It had three perfect diamonds on a white gold band. Polly had never had an engagement ring, she didn't want one and her wedding ring was a wide but simple band of white gold and she had always been happy with that.

She gasped when she saw it. "Oh my god, it's beautiful."

"One diamond for each of our heartbeats, although it pales into insignificance when I look at the four of you right now. " He came and sat on the coffee table in front of Polly and the kids and took the ring from the box and slipped it on to Polly's finger. "Thank you for loving me."

"You get married." Lola squealed excitedly.

"We are already married Chicken. This is just because I love your Mom."

Sam was cuddling Alfie while Polly had a shower. He'd just been fed and was dozing off and Sam loved watching him, his little facial expressions made him smile as he twitched and squirmed in his arms before giving in to sleep. The girls were finally in bed; it had been a bit of a whirlwind evening and it was all about Alfie and Polly and the girls didn't know who to be more excited about, their mom or their brother. Life with three young children was messy, busy, noisy and perfect and it was only the first day.

In the three days he had been in their life Sam had tried to spend as much time alone with him as possible. It wasn't always easy during her pregnancy for Sam to talk to him like he had with the girls. Everyday he had spent time talking to their growing daughters, touching Polly's stomach and kissing her beautiful belly. With Alfie he had been kicking for days before Sam got to feel it and there were days that Polly couldn't bear physical contact so he was trying to make up for it. It had made him all the more determined to deliver him and they were happy that he was able to do that.

"He asleep?" Polly came in rubbing lotion on her arms. She was just enjoying being able to do normal things again like having the energy to shower, eating dinner with her family, putting the girls to bed and being close to Sam. The past few months were just melting away especially seeing Sam and Alfie having some quiet time together, it made her heart clench a little every time she caught them having a moment. The girls had been all over him all night, her parents had called in to see them all at home and Sam had just stayed on the periphery, taking it all in.

"He is. I guess I should put him into bed hey?"

"It's kinda hot, my two favourite boys together." Sam watched her as she grabbed her rings from the table beside the bed and slipped them back on. He had caught her staring at them a few times and while it had been a stretch to buy it he was happy he did. Polly knelt on the bed and kissed Alfie "You know if you put him to bed maybe we can make out for a few minutes before I fall asleep?"

"Oh you tease me."

"Well, nothing like that, that's just nasty but I want to kiss you. I don't really remember what it felt like, but I seemed to remember how much I liked it." She eased herself back against the pillows. "And thank you for this." Polly ran her thumb over the three diamonds and then Alfie's downy dark hair. "And for him."

"My pleasure." Sam jumped up so quickly that Alfie's eyes shot open momentarily and Sam soothed him back to sleep. "Sorry little man, it's bed for you."

He was back kneeling on the bed, hovering over Polly in the blink of an eye and Polly had laughed at how keen he was. "My crazy." His lips were close to Polly's and he could feel her anticipation. "My heart."

Polly ran her hand over his cheek and pulled him in for a long slow passionate kiss. Eventually he stretched out beside her, he was well aware that Polly didn't feel in any way attractive as she was still sore, her belly was still hard and swollen and her boobs were exploding out of her bra but Sam didn't see any of that, all he focussed on was kissing her and it was the sweetest, even if he wanted so much more than a kiss.

"Best kiss ever." She smiled against his lips.

Sam couldn't have slept closer to her if he tried, and for the first time in eight long months he didn't fall asleep dreading what the next day would bring, he wasn't anxious. He felt like things were back under control and he felt whole again.


	53. Content

"You don't need to keep doing this." Sam was pressed up against the shower wall. Polly had jumped in with him while the girls were still asleep. Alfie had been fed and was back sleeping and it was still dark out and would be for a while yet but Sam had to get to work and the earlier he started the earlier he could get home for the crazy hour.

"I do."

Not that he minded, having Polly getting him off felt fantastic and he couldn't think of a better start to his day but he was starting to worry about why she felt the need to do it almost daily. She had more important things to focus on. They had three children; life was chaotic. "Baby, it's okay."

"No Sam." She pinned him up against the wall and started kissing his face, neck, and chest. "I want too. Let me Sam. I can't give you what you want but let me do this for you."

"You don't need to do anything for me. I am happy just having you here, you are home, you are healthy..."

"Sam, please." He sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth as she got down on her knees and he was powerless to stop her when she took him in her mouth. "Fuck you are incredible." He gasped. "God Polly." His head rolled back and he tried to breathe through it as his body started to shake.

Helping her up he turned Polly around and pressed her up against the wall and kissed her hard. "Baby, talk to me."

"About what?" She tilted her head to the side and let him attack her neck. They were getting closer but it had only been three weeks and Polly wasn't ready yet, not physically nor emotionally and he was never going to do anything to hurt her or push her but the more she did this the more he craved her.

When Lola was born they had waited just over four weeks before they had sex and that happened because of the shooting at zoo and was more about what had gone on that day and a need to be close to each other than anything else. Mae had been almost eight weeks because of her C-section and how uncomfortable that was for quite a while and that, he admitted was torture. Three weeks however was too soon, they both knew it. And yes, Polly was always amused, but not surprised that Sam was counting.

"Why you are doing this?" He held her face between his hands and they were twitching a little because being in the shower with her was always a pleasure and for him not to take it further was a struggle that was becoming increasingly hard to ignore. "I love it, I really do but I get the feeling you think you need to?"

"I don't want you to get it anywhere else. It should be me."

"Oh honey, it is only you."

"I know you miss it, I miss having sex with you. It's been so long." They were getting close to five months and that was just ridiculous. Sure things had slowed down once they had the girls, but once a week was always their aim and they really missed the mark.

"I do, I do miss it, I am desperate for it but I am desperate for it with you. Remember that two months after Mae was born?"

"Yep."

"I was desperate, I wanted to fuck you so bad and I want too now, but I waited for you because this…" he grabbed her hand and placed it on his dick. "…doesn't go anywhere but in you. It belongs to you, along with my heart. You don't get part of me Polly, you've got all of me."

"Okay." The tears mingled with the steady stream of water but Sam knew she was crying. Finding normal again wasn't as easy as they hoped, it was a struggle some days but day by day they were getting there. They stupidly thought that as soon as Polly had the baby things would just go back to the way they were before this all started but it wasn't that easy. They got even less time alone now than they did before and they didn't think that was possible. It was hard but the love they had for each other, their life and their three beautiful children kept them going on the days they could barely see two foot in front of them.

Nobody and nothing prepared you for the relentlessness of life with three small children.

"Don't think you have to do this, I love it though. I love it. We have our beautiful babies and I have you. As long as you wake up next to me every morning I don't care."

"What if I want too?"

"That's okay, if you want too…" Sam pressed his body against her. "…but please don't think you have too, that's all I am saying." His kiss was explosive and stunned Polly. For just a moment he let himself be needy.

Fortunately Sam hadn't had time to get too carried away when Mae appeared at the door with her Rhino tucked under her arm, he hair sticking up at all angles and impossibly cute. "I wake." Their two year old always announced her arrival and they struggled to keep her in her own room now she was in a big bed and you never knew when she was going to appear. The habit she had of creeping downstairs an hour after she was supposed to be asleep just for a cuddle was frustratingly cute but they always obliged, she had them wrapped around her little finger and they really didn't care.

"Yes I can see. Good morning. Did you sleep well Bubba?" Sam grabbed the towel and wrapped it around his waist and left Polly washing her hair. If she didn't do it while Sam was here she never got the chance. Now that one was awake the others would follow, although hopefully Alfie would sleep for a couple of hours yet. They were getting about 3 hours between feeds at the moment and he was a solid sleeper. Apart from that though, when Alfie was awake he made sure everyone knew it and he was the star of the show.

"Not bubba, 'fie' is bubba."

Sam winked at Polly as he grabbed Mae's hand. "But first toilet for you and get you a dry booty." She had regressed a little since Alfie had been home which wasn't unexpected, she hadn't been all that great to begin with but they were giving her a good shot at toilet training and resisting the urge just to put her back in diapers during the day to make things easier. Lola had been a dream when it came to toilet training but Mae was taking her own sweet time, like she did with just about everything. They really were chalk and cheese and they did wonder which side of the coin Alfie was going fall on.

He tossed her diaper in the bin in their ensuite and chuckled as she pulled her pyjama pants up almost cutting herself in half. "You go see if Alfie's sleeping. Remember be very quiet." He pressed one finger to his lips and Mae giggled. She was such a morning person and her personality was starting to shine a little more. If that was Lola she would have been crashing and banging and no doubt woke him up, Mae was adored her little brother and was very sweet and gentle with him.

"Shhhh… sleep." Mae whispered when she peered into Alfie's bassinette as Sam got dressed. "Work Daddy?"

"Yes monkey. Daddy is going to work."

"Lion's?" Sam laughed as she tried to roar like a lion in her sweet little voice.

"Yes the Lions, they will be ready for breakfast soon, are you ready for breakfast." He scooped her up and tucked her under his arm.

"Mae come?"

"Not today Monkey, but soon."

Mae was the early riser in the family and she often would be up around five and would crawl into bed with her parents. It had been a habit they had to break when Polly was sick though and that was tough on her. Sam having to take her sobbing back to bed broke Polly's heart but having her bounce around in bed hadn't been good and often made her vomit and she tried to deal with it but Sam felt differently, Polly was not going to be up all night vomiting just so Mae could sleep in their bed, it was insane. Sam would stay with her and that soon became a habit too, one which Lola didn't like. "Mae's such a baby."

"She is a baby Lola. She's still little and it's hard for her to understand why Mommy is sick."

"I wish you would sleep in my bed some nights." She pouted. It was hard on everyone, Sam at least understood what was going on and still found it hard some days to deal with the pod life they were living.

He did contemplate taking Lola up on her offer on the nights Sam slept on the floor until he relented and moved into the spare room. He always started in their bed but would leave if Polly needed him too until eventually they gave that up too. It wasn't long until the girls worked it out and he often woke up with both of them in his bed. At least he wasn't lonely but he missed Polly. This was not the life they wanted to live, even though it was temporary. He had loved sleeping next to Polly when she was pregnant, he loved talking and feeling the baby move and grow but those moments were few and far between this time around.

Lola loved her sleep, which was the complete opposite of when she was a baby but now she would sometimes need to be woken at 7am so she made it to school in time. She moved like a glacier and Mae often made the most of her time in the mornings when her big sister wasn't dominating her and she was at her most vocal. They couldn't understand much of what she said but she loved to talk in the mornings. It amazed them how they found that balance and both had their time to shine.

Polly came down with the baby monitor clutched in one hand. Sam had breakfast waiting and Mae was already up in her chair chewing on some toast as she 'talked' to her father. Polly's meals were planned out to make sure that she didn't put weight on too quickly and Sam was diligent in making sure she followed the plan and he could see that she was starting to get some meat back on her bones now and that made him happy.

"Lola still sleeping?" Sam glanced at the clock; it was a little after six so she had a bit of time. He shoved some toast in his mouth and filled his coffee mug.

"She is."

"I'll go wake her up."

"Leave her Sam, I'll do it. I can do it." Getting balance back in all parts of their life was harder than they imagined. Sam had done everything for months and it had become his normal. He also knew how exhausting being a new mom was and throw in a demanding six year old and busy toddler he found it hard to let go of the reins and let Polly do things.

"I don't mind."

"I do." Resting her hand on Sam's arm "I want to do it."

Snaking an arm around her waist he rested his chin on the top of her head and loved that she fitted him so perfectly. "Have a good day then. Kiss my sleeping beauties." He kissed Polly and dropped a kiss on Mae's soft curly hair. "See ya later alligator."

"Bye Daddy."

Polly set Mae up playing with her dolls, since Alfie had been home she had spent a lot of time playing with them and pretending to be a 'Mom' while she went and woke Lola. It took her a few minutes to get her to open her eyes. "Where's Daddy?" She stretched out her arms and legs.

"He's gone to work Sweetie."

"Who's going to take me to school?" Her bottom lip trembled.

"I am, with Mae and Alfie."

"Oh, you feel okay?" She guessed her and Sam weren't the only ones that needed time to adjust. They had tried to get their lives back to the way they were before Polly fell pregnant and while it was taking them a little while they thought the girls were doing okay.

It had shocked them one day when Lola told them that she hated the baby. "He made you sick. He needs to go to away."

"It's not Alfie's fault Chicken." Sam was annoyed. He'd come in at the tail end of an argument between Polly and Lola. "Don't blame him and don't say that you hate him. We don't say that in this house."

"He's naughty. I don't want him here. He's a horrible baby."

"Enough." Sam held up his hand. "He's not naughty and he's not horrible Charlotte." Polly knew in that moment that Sam was about to tell her off big time. He rarely called her Charlotte. "He's not going anywhere. He's your brother. He's got as much right to be here as you do. If you don't like him being here right now because he is being fed, perhaps you'd be better in your room."

She stormed upstairs in a huff. "What?" he snapped at Polly when she just sighed.

"You don't think that was a little unfair?"

"So what? You don't care that she _hates_ Alfie?"

"She doesn't hate him. She's tired and cranky and not getting her own way because I am feeding him and she wants me to do something for her."

"Then she needs to wait. I expect that from Mae, not Charlotte." It took Polly a good ten minutes of consoling her distraught daughter to get her to come out of her room and apologise. Later that night Lola was all smiles again as she shared a bath with her brother and playfully helped him kick his legs in the water and then she cuddled up to her Dad and watched a movie before bed. She seemed to get over it a lot quicker than Polly did and Sam copped a mouthful later on once the girls were in bed.

"You are still pissed with me?" Polly had ignored Sam as best she could for most of the evening. He was having a cuddle with Alfie while Polly put the girls to bed and Alfie wasn't happy. Polly literally snatched him from his hands when he held him up; he was obviously hungry and he showed his displeasure at the length of time it took Polly to unbutton her shirt and get him on the breast by letting out a few good wails, his tiny fists clenched into balls.

"Yes."

"About Lola?"

"What do you think?"

"She doesn't hate me like you do. She got over it." Putting his feet up on the table did little to make Polly any more impressed with him. He grabbed the remote and instead of turning the TV on, which he knew would not help his situation he flipped it around in his hand, which was just as annoying.

"That's not the point Sam, she doesn't hate Alfie. She was just frustrated."

"So was I. We don't need her behaving like that." He waved his hand in the general direction of Lola's bedroom. "That's not what we do in the this house."

"She's six, you are an adult. Or at least I thought you were."

"I think that termite hanging off you at the moment is evidence enough." Sam added flippantly. "As well as the other two I currently bankroll."

"Yet you behave like a three year old sometimes. For fuck sake's Sam, they are getting used to Alfie, they are getting used to me being around for them again. It's not easy for them." Polly drew breath as Alfie fussed around and detached himself and then sucked on the end of her nipple making her wince and even more annoyed with Sam. It wasn't his fault but it was his son that was causing her grief right now and it was easier to stay mad at Sam. "I would have thought you would have a little more patience, but I suppose you are getting what you want so what do you care if the girls do or not."

Was she really going to go there? She was going to throw in the fact that she chose to join him in the shower each morning or evening to make a point. "You know what Polly, I know, I know it's not easy for them but stamping your feet and demanding attention or 'hating' your brother doesn't wash with me. Don't make them worse by pandering to them."

"Thank you Dr Spock."

"You know this Polly. They are the world's best manipulators."

"God you make them sound like tyrants."

"Well, tell me I am wrong? Remember when Lola refused to eat her dinner and we gave her rice pudding and stewed fruit once, what happened the next night? And the night after that? It took weeks to get her to eat dinner again." It was amusing how Sam could have all these anecdotes to support his arguments. "And Mae and her amazing ability to get four books and three songs every night and her magic re-appearance act that happens constantly so she can get a cuddle and what do we do, give into her because she's cute."

"Alright, you've made your point."

He flicked on the TV. "And that other shit, don't go there. I never asked you for it, that's on you. I am not going to stamp my feet if I don't get my way."

"You don't say no."

"Do you want me too? I can if you want."

If you want to feel like a complete asshole try telling your wife you'll reject her offer of a hand job or blowjob while she is feeding your three week old baby. He was pushing her buttons and not in a pleasant way.

"Fuck you Sam."

"I wish you would. I'd like to fuck you." He smirked. It was a risk but he always played on the edges with her and it tended to work. Their fights were often short lived, fiery sometimes but over pretty quickly and usually because one of them would just say something out of the blue, quite often inappropriate and it would break the tension.

Polly glared at him for the longest moment, she wanted to wipe that shit-eating grin off his face and Sam didn't flinch until he saw the faintest hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth and she looked away. "You want to fuck me don't you?"

"Yes." She just watched Alfie feed. Sam jumped, kissed her hard and fast and disappeared into the kitchen to make Polly a cup of chamomile tea. She always drank it while she was breastfeeding in the evenings and he made her a cup every night as part of their night time routine.

"Don't say a word." Polly warned him when Mae suddenly appeared on the stairs. Sam just smiled, opened his arms and let Mae climb into his lap, hug her Rhino to her chest and rest her head on her Dad's shoulder and enjoy her cuddle.

It was up and down for everyone and they explained to Lola that it wasn't Alfie that made mommy sick but her body trying to make sure he was growing properly and sometimes her body got it a little wrong.

Lola seemed to be finding it hard to adjust back to a normal life. "I do, sweet sweet girl, I do. I am all better now." Polly brushed her long dark hair out of her eyes and twisted it over her shoulder. "Let's get you up and ready for school."

"I'm glad Mommy. I am happy you are better."

"Me too."

What turned out to be normal was chaos. Lola dragged her feet, Mae was happy playing and didn't want to go out and Alfie woke for a feed just as they needed to leave. He screamed all the way in the car and Lola was happy to get away from him. She let Mae play on the indoor playground while Polly fed him, she did think of only giving him one side and then the other when they headed home but Polly fretted that he would miss out or she would mess with her milk supply and he was too small to go without. She had starved him for nine months and he was going to get whatever he wanted now.

They stopped in to see their Pops on the way home. Adam had already sent her a whiny message that he hadn't seen _'Prince Alfred'_ in three days and _'he will be out dating before I get the chance to teach him how to woo the ladies.'_

Despite his obsession with his grandson the first thing he did when he heard Mae thumping up the stairs was crouch down so that she could run into his arms and smother her with kisses. He was such a soft touch with his granddaughters, they had him wrapped around their little fingers and he was besotted with Alfie.

Once he had talked to Mae and sent her in search of some candy in his desk he held out his hands for his grandson. "Hey my little prince. You are getting so big." He touched his cheek softly. "What's your Mommy feeding you?"

Adam and Kim had been beside themselves on the weekend when Polly asked them to look after Alfie for a couple of hours while she took the girls into the zoo to have lunch with their Dad. It was freezing cold out and they didn't want to take Alfie. The Zoo was having a special winter kids party and the girls loved the couple of hours without having to stop to feed Alfie or worry about him, they had been pretty desperate to go and Lola was disappointed when they got up and it was so cold out. She burst into tears and told them that it wasn't fair that they couldn't go because it was too 'snowy for Alfie.' So Polly decided to take them anyway and leave Alfie with her parents. It was the first time she had really left him and she called her Mom hourly to check on him.

Polly came home to find her Dad and Alfie on the couch watching a football game, he was sound asleep but her Dad was hoping he'd absorb some of his wisdom by osmosis. She doubted that he had spent more than a minute in his pram alone.

"He's a guts, like his Dad and a bit of a boob man it seems."

"I don't need to hear how Sam likes your boobs."

"No Pops, 'fie boobs not Daddy." Polly gritted her teeth while Adam roared with laughter at Mae's sudden reappearance. The last thing she needed was for him to egg her on.

The only little piece of quiet she got was when Mae fell asleep in the car on the way home and as soon as Alfie was settled she picked up her phone and laughed at all the missed calls and messages from Sam. He hadn't got out of the habit of calling her and checking up of her several times a day and they had always talked a few times a day once they had kids. It was their normal.

By the time he got home things were in full swing. Mae was getting tired and cranky, Lola was ruling the roost and Polly had Alfie in a sling, not that he was particularly happy about it while she cooked dinner and that's how they started to roll. Polly looked happy though, tired but happy and she still insisted on making Sam happy every day as they all found their groove again.

"Where are the girls going?" Sam finally hauled himself out of bed when Alfie woke. It was a Saturday and for once he got to sleep in. He staggered downstairs with a very cranky baby, one thing Alfie had over his sisters was his lungs, he had an awesome set of pipes on him. When he was hungry the whole house knew it so he was pissed that his Dad had fussed around and changed his diaper when all he wanted was a boob in his mouth. He had shit oozing out the sides of his diaper and Polly could hear Sam talking to him through the monitor and decided to leave them to it. ' _Alfie Buddy, chill man. If you didn't have shit from asshole to breakfast you'd be enjoying your boob by now.'_

"Gus is coming, he's taking them to the Aquarium and then the indoor playground."

"Why?"

"Apparently he missed them." Lola was bouncing up and down and even Mae looked excited. She was very cute sitting on the step with her backpack already strapped on with a smile from ear to ear. "She's been waiting for the past ten minutes." Polly pointed at Mae.

"Pity the other one doesn't sit still like that." He grumbled as Lola was bouncing off the walls and swinging her backpack around as he handed Alfie over and at five weeks old he already knew what was coming and started grunting and wildly flinging his arms. Sam loved that moment when Polly would touch his cheek with her nipple and he stopped crying, would open his mouth and turn his head to latch on like a man possessed. His boy was a boob man that's for sure.

Gus barely got through the door before he had both of them swinging off him. He stopped and had a quick chat to Alfie, who appeared drunk as he sat up on Polly's lap having a breather, she had to stop him sometimes as he went at her like he hadn't seen food in weeks and would barely draw a breath. "Wow, he's a lightweight like his old man."

"Just you wait. Wait until you are trying to herd all these cats." He waved his hand in the direction of Lola and Mae who were waiting by the door. "I'd like to be drunk some days but you don't even get a chance to have one drink, let alone get hammered."

"One day."

Polly squealed. "Is Rhiannon pregnant?"

"No, she's not." Gus tickled Alfie's toes. "But if you can spit out good looking kidlets with Sam, I think I can manage to produce a knockout when we get around to it. Although Dad has backed off a little now that Sam seems to have provided the required chromosome."

Polly constantly reminded her family when they demanded that this one be a boy that Sam was the deciding factor in these situations and it would be his fault if they had another girl so they needed to have a go at him. He had congratulated himself on having one Y Chromosome that wasn't intimidated by her obvious hostile environment when Alfie arrived. Things certainly felt hostile for a while after that ill-fated joke.

As soon as they left Sam flopped down on the couch beside Polly. "I think you freaked them out with all the vomiting and shit."

"Can't say I blame them. I would freak out if I saw that going on."

Sam tickled Alfie's toes and he curled up his feet and his eyes were wide with wonder at the sound of his Dad's voice. Polly gave him the other side and Sam just sat and watched. He loved watching her feed his babies and could watch it all day. She was always touching them; talking to them and when she got the chance they were in their own little world. It wasn't easy with the girls around, they often demanded attention and Sam would find Mae sitting up beside Kim reading a book or doing a puzzle while she fed just to be close to her Mom. It meant that Alfie didn't get her undivided attention so right now Sam was happy that Polly was so engrossed in him. It was beautiful.

When he looked like he was about to drift off Polly took him upstairs and put him into bed. Before she left she whispered in Sam's ear. "Baby, come with me. I'm going to have a shower."

"Yeah?"

"Have you got something better to do?"

"Better than you?" Sam was already up off the couch. "No."

He wasn't expecting much more than he was usually getting but Polly made it quite clear that she was ready for more. Things got hot and heavy in the shower quite quickly, Polly just let Sam do what he wanted and he wanted his wife. "We need to get out of here." He growled needily.

"Why?"

"Because I want this to last." He kissed her neck. "I want to savour the moment because I've missed you so fucking much."

Sam took his time and he loved her, every inch of her. He made sure she was ready and was gentle but it took all his willpower not to instantly lose it the moment he slipped inside. Polly gripped the back of his neck with one hand and grabbed a fistful of the bed sheet with the other. She arched her back and felt his love. It wasn't pretty, things leaked and she found it strangely erotic when Sam licked the breast milk that trickled out but god she had missed him. She felt the knot of tension she had carried for months ease off.

Alfie slept peacefully throughout it all and they got to spend an hour afterwards just talking and touching. Polly didn't feel that she could go again but Sam didn't care. "You feel okay?" Polly was curled up beside him with her head on his chest as Sam stroked her hair softly.

"I do, I missed this."

"Me too." Sam had no qualms in using a condom. They were not going to take even the slightest risk of Polly getting pregnant even if the chance was small right now. He would have worn two if she'd asked. His appointment was in two weeks time and to say he was looking forward to it was a lie. It didn't help that Adam teased him about it constantly and Kim told him how pathetic he was. It had to be done though, and it was a small price to pay compared to what Polly had just endured. Three kids were also more than enough, this house was full. "Did you call Gus to ask him to take the girls?"

"I did."

He drew circles on her back. "Because of this?"

"Yes." Polly kissed his chest. "Is that okay? Was it okay?"

"Perfect Baby, I love you so much."

"We can make it can't we?"

"Polly, don't do this baby. We are good. I'm not worried about us, not in the slightest. I never was. I was worried about you, I was out of my mind worrying about you and everyday you amazed me. I am not giving you up for nobody. I'll share you with our little heartbeats.." She loved that that was what Sam now called them. "..but I'm not letting go of you."

"Just checking."

Polly rolled away as Alfie started to stir. "At least he's stopped cockblocking me." Sam jumped up and grabbed him and changed his diaper. "You are a good boy." He cooed. "Daddy had just finished squashing your Mom. You cockblocked me for so long little man, we need to talk about this in the future. It's not cool man, not cool at all. You and I need to work together, we are still out-numbered." Polly disappeared into the bathroom and came back partially dressed and he knew she wasn't entirely comfortable in her own skin at the moment.

"I think you are one hot little momma bear."

"You don't need to try and seduce me anymore Sam. We've broken the seal."

Polly's post baby body had never bothered Sam. He never pushed her to get back into shape even though they used to run together a couple of times a week and was always happy for Polly to take her time. "I thought you liked my seductive moves."

"Meh" she shrugged playfully. "They need some fine tuning."

"I think we were mighty fine." Sam handed her the baby just as he let out an almighty squawk. He was done waiting for his lunch. She decided to feed him lying on her side on the bed so that Sam could lie with him and he alternated between touching Alfie and touching Polly. They didn't get the chance all that often to just spend time with him, they always had either Lola or Mae hanging around. The middle of the night wasn't really the best time to chat and enjoy being parents to a little boy, and while he was growing he was still tiny and that made him seem so much more precious. For all his drama, and he liked to make his presence felt, he loved to snuggle with either of them and they could even start to see him respond to his sisters. Lola and Mae loved it when he would try and smile and talk to them.

They loved the quiet few hours with just Alfie but by the time it got to late afternoon they missed their girls. They missed their loud, busy chaotic life with them. They missed their laughs and squeals and couldn't wait for them to come home.

Because being home with their Little Zookeeper, Gummy Bear and Termite was when they felt the most content.

Three little heartbeats.

 **Well that's it folks. Thank you so much for your love and support for this story, for this series about this family. I have loved every minute of writing it.**

 **Also, this marks my last story on this site. I have really enjoyed the past few years but it is time to move on to something else. It was a great stress reliever and creative outlet for me and I hope you have enjoyed some of the ride.**

 **Many thanks to those who have taken the time to read, review and send me messages. It was much appreciated.**

 **See ya later.**


	54. A Natural Disaster

Well, work has been pretty stressful lately so this has been a little bit of a pressure release. As background, its Polly and Sam, they have moved to Australia for Sam's work and been there a year or two. Sam took to writing a blog to keep everyone up to date with what's going on. They are meant to be a bit of fun, if you don't like swearing it's not for you. If you expect Burzek they do turn up a little way down the track. For some reason I like writing these two. I hope you like it.

* * *

 ** _A Family Update…_**

 ** _We are in the midst of a 'natural disaster'… not particularly uncommon for this family but this one is big folks. HUGE_**

 ** _Just a bit of background._**

 ** _We were fairly cock a hoop with odds like 99%, if you were told you had a 99% chance of winning lotto you'd jump at the chance right? Right? Those odds are great. And for four long happy years we rode that 99% wave with gay abandon._**

 ** _Perhaps they should NOT spend the whole time telling you about the 99% success rate but spend a little more time pointing out the 1% chance of failure._**

 ** _1 fucking %_**

 ** _Now back to the story…The Little Zookeeper, our ever pragmatic ten year old is not talking to us, she has barricaded herself in her room and we are presently sliding her meals under the door, she's eating a LOT of pizza. The Gummy bear, our sweet little six year old is worried about a multitude of things and writing lists. The Termite, our four year old son…is well… he's a boy, he just don't give a shit._**

 ** _Polly is not happy with me and I am sleeping with one eye open most nights and she is spending far too much time plotting my murder or at the very least something equally as permanent. Checking the search history on her phone was a little alarming. The phrase VRO has been bandied about._**

 ** _Back to the natural disaster._**

 ** _We are 'delighted' to announce that Polly is cooking baby number four. Yep, one of my pesky little buggers crawled and clawed it's way through the abyss and being the hospitable host that Polly has always been her uterus embraced that little fertilized egg and gave it a cosy warm little lining to embed itself in._**

 ** _We held our breath but have now reached the four-month mark and are pleased to report that that nasty little phenomenon called Hyperemesis Gravidarum has not made an appearance this time around. We've had some rough days, but I survived._**

 ** _For the relatively new crowd our last pregnancy basically involved nine months of constant vomiting, hospital stays, and Polly developed a strange aversion to physical contact. The closest I got was picking her up off the floor and carrying her back to bed after she felt asleep at three am with her head in the toilet, easy enough in month three, a bit more of a challenge in her ninth month._**

 ** _Polly did, this time however suffer from a spontaneous case of Tourette's, it's her cute way of announcing her pregnancy and I have learnt not to laugh, or speak. That is bad for my health and longevity. The 'Fuck' count comfortably reached 50 and that was just day one. We needed a crane to get the swear jar out of the house and down to the bank. It is heaving after 10 weeks of Polly reminding me exactly what she thought of my reproductive abilities._**

 ** _Oh and the Little Zookeeper…. still not talking to us. Still eating pizza._**

 ** _Polly is as amazingly gorgeous as always, our newest little bug is growing beautifully and we spend most nights looking at each other and laughing, kind of manically or rocking in the corner of the couch not together though, I'm not allowed to touch her again…like EVER._**

 ** _You know how, when you were much younger and had to share a bed with a sibling and you used every single pillow in the house to build an impenetrable wall between you and the object of your disdain? Eight pillows now comfortably separate us; the poor kids don't have pillows anymore and they have to use whatever random stuffed animal they can scrounge at bedtime._**

 ** _So our Little Zookeeper, Gummy Bear and Termite are going to have a new little sibling to torture. Not quite sure of a nickname yet, 'miracle' which the doctor excitedly declared this pregnancy to be was crushed immediately. (He may also be investigating VRO's and I offered to pass on my research.) Who knew Polly could fling herself across a desk so fast?_**

 ** _1-fucking-%._**

 ** _For now, it's our little bug._**

 ** _Polly is contemplating letting me live… I think it's because she doesn't want to be left alone with four of them. She cries a lot. 'It's the hormones' she tells me although I am not so sure._**

 ** _Yep it's all happening here, just don't mention the 'P' word. The 'F' word though…knock yourself out._**

 ** _PS In case you are worried; we can't wait, we are excited, a little terrified but we are looking forward to finding out what we've cooked...in five months time and I can't wait because watching Polly fall in love with her babies is the most beautiful thing in the world._**

 ** _Until next time, I need to go slip a pizza under a door._**

Polly had to admit, she laughed at Sam's Family Update. Since they had been here he had taken to writing a monthly wrap up for their family and friends back home and he had been encouraged to add it to his blog. His blog, which wasn't always about the family but about his job and breeding successes too and it was light-hearted and he had attracted a bit of a following. The first few times he wrote posts about them she was sceptical but they were funny and people seemed to love them so they often sat down and wrote them together.

The accompanying photo was hilarious and as always their little faces were hidden, Sam had never to this day had a photo of their faces on his blog or in any interview he had done. Lola had her arms folded across her chest and her face was covered with an angry face emjoi. Mae was jumping in the air, arms above her head and her emjoi was a happy face and Alfie was playing with his train, back to the camera like he didn't even care.

"No." Lola stood up. "No, you promised."

"Sweetheart it wasn't planned but it is happening. We are having another baby."

"Well stop, stop having sex." She didn't really know how it all happened but at school she had learnt that sex led to babies. "It's not fair. You promised." She pointed angrily at her Dad. This was all his fault as far as she was concerned. Which made perfect sense because Polly blamed him too.

"Lola, honey…" Polly sighed, it was going as well as they expected. They did hope she would be happier about it but it was wishful thinking.

"What? You promised you wouldn't have any more babies. They make you sick."

"Okay." Polly tried to pull her in for a hug but she was being stubborn. "You are upset."

"I'm so happy." Mae just did it to stir her sister up.

"Shut up Mabel." Lola spat at her. "You are such a good goody."

"Enough Charlotte, Enough" Sam lost his patience a long time before Polly did. This was tough on Lola because she was pretty switched on and remembered the last time, she had always been adamant that she didn't want her Mom to get pregnant again and they had promised her they weren't planning on having any more babies. Having to explain to her that this wasn't planned was something neither of them was looking forward too.

"But you had an operation?" Lola wailed. It was quite the scene. She had a touch of drama queen about her.

Particularly when they weren't much better, they had been freaking out for weeks.

"What the fuck Polly." He marched down the stairs. The kids were asleep and while Sam was saying goodnight to Alfie she had slipped into the bathroom and left it on the vanity. He always had a shower after the kids went to bed and had almost lost his footing when he saw it. "This better not be about Lola, I will fucking lose my shit." It wasn't exactly rational, all rational thought had been obliterated when he found the positive pregnancy test in his bathroom.

"Don't be stupid."

"What the hell? Are you kidding me? This is a joke isn't it?" He was sounding a little hysterical as he brandished the stick around like a madman. How could she be so calm?

"No."

"How?"

"How the fuck do you think? You did this to me, one of your fucking little termites escaped. Like only a fucking nuclear explosion will stop those fuckers." It exploded out of her like a volcano as she waved her hands around wildly. "It's like the great fucking escape."

"How?"

"I don't fucking know. Apparently there is a 1% chance of getting pregnant after a vasectomy and you and your fucking insistence on having sex every fucking week is to blame. Why the fuck can't you leave me alone? I don't want to fucking see your dick again. I should have fucking broken it when I had the chance."

Sam was a little amused by her outburst and if he wasn't so freaked out he would have known to keep his mouth shut because she had this glint in her eye that actually scared him. "Now I know you are pregnant, you've got Tourette's again, it's like a warning sign."

"Fuck you." Despite her entertaining rant as soon as Sam sat down heavily beside her she collapsed into his arms. "Sam, this is a nightmare."

"Hey, not quite a nightmare but…." His sentence drifted off, he wasn't quite sure what it was yet? "Are you okay? Like do you feel okay? Do you feel sick? Have you seen a Doctor?"

"No, not yet. I only took the test today, I feel a bit crappy and tired but I missed my period and I honestly didn't think it would be positive."

"Okay, so it might be a false positive or something?" He was ever hopeful until Polly reached into the pocket of her hoodie and pulled six more tests out and handed them to him. "Did you buy every pregnancy test in the pharmacy?" He looked at the sticks and every one of them said the same thing. There was not even a faint or faded line to throw some doubt into the mix, they were like flashing neon signs. The one that actually said 'pregnant' made him feel sick. "How much did it cost?"

"I bought one of each brand, I don't know, the credit card didn't stop working. I went to four pharmacies because I didn't want to look like an idiot. They all crap on about being 99% accurate."

"I thought a vasectomy was supposed to be, like permanent, it's been fine for four years, why now? Fucking joke that is." Sam dumped the sticks on the table were they just mocked them. "Why the fuck did I go through all that torture if it wasn't going to work?"

"All that fucking torture, you haven't pushed three babies out of your fucking dick. You haven't had three babies suck the life out of you every day for months on end." Technically she only pushed out two but now was not the time to point that out.

"They do suck the fucking life out of me." Sam wasn't helping himself and quickly tried to save himself. "You are beautiful when you are pregnant though."

"Fuck you." Polly was not impressed. "Anyway every fucking one of them is positive. Congratulations super dick you've knocked me up again."

"I think I might cry."

"Welcome to the club. I've been crying all day, the kids think I've lost the plot."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't want you to be angry with me."

"Angry with you, why the hell would I be angry with you? It's not like you deliberately stopped taking your birth control like some sadistic crazy stalker chick is it?" He tried to find some humour in this.

"Well no but Sam this isn't what we want."

"I know, but I all I care about is that you are okay? I don't want you to get sick again." If one thing was going to make Polly cry even more was seeing her husband so upset, it hurt her when he cried. "I can't handle that again Pol, I don't want you to suffer like that again. I can't do it."

"We'll do whatever we have to do. I can do it, with you." Polly took a moment to comfort him. "That's the only way I can do it, if we are together."

"I'm sorry." Polly could barely hear him. "I love you so much."

The only thing that made this remotely pleasant was the hand that Sam rested on her flat stomach when they went to bed. He was very protective of his babies. He was very protective of his wife.

They kept it to themselves until they no longer could hide it from people so wanted to tell the kids first. It wasn't going well.

"I want a brother." Alfie chimed in and Lola glared at him before storming from the room. They watched her thump upstairs and slam her door.

"But Alfie…" Mae was ever the voice of reason. "…if you have a brother you will have to share your trains with him. He will sleep in your room." That got him thinking.

"But if it's a sister it will sleep in your room?"

"No, it can stay with Lola."

"Lola will be cross." It was the cutest conversation and gave Sam and Polly some hope that this wasn't going to be a complete bust.

Sam was encouraged by their excitement at least. "What about you Mae?"

"I need to think about it." She was very much into writing lists at the moment and in a few days they were pretty sure she would come back to them with her decision. They didn't like to pop her balloon by telling her that it was already set in stone. There was one baby in there and it either had a penis or it didn't.

"Dad, is Mom going to get sick again." Sam drew the short straw and went to talk to Lola. Polly had taken Mae and Alfie for a walk down the beach. They had begged to go and Sam had been surprised at how quickly Polly had agreed to take them, she claimed that she needed the fresh air and he couldn't really argue because Polly would play the pregnancy card hard and claim that she was feeling queasy and Sam would do whatever she wanted to make her feel better. "I didn't like that, it made me so worried."

"No, Mom is feeling really good. She is a bit sad that you are upset though. I am very happy that Mom feels so good, I hated that too and we are happy about the baby."

"Why?"

"Because we love you and Mae and Alfie. And also it's our baby, we made it and that's a good thing."

"Why do you have sex with Mom?" Sam was suddenly wishing he'd taken the other two to the beach and left Polly to deal with this, even ignoring her pregnancy related blackmail she had been happily applying since the day they found out. "If you didn't want another baby why do you do sex?"

"Because I love her very much."

"You don't have sex with me but you love me very much too?"

Well this was going in a direction that Sam didn't expect. "I do, but that's different kind of love. It's not legal to have sex with your kids, it's against the law." Sam was stumbling through this; it was so not what he was expecting. He never thought that he would have to explain the difference between the type of love you have for your wife and your child. More than that talking about why he didn't want to have sex with his daughter, without actually vomiting and making sure Lola knew that he loved her more than life itself was a conversation he wasn't prepared for. "You are my daughter and I do love you to the moon and back but Mom is my wife so I can have sex with her."

"Like Pops is married to MiMi, does he only have sex with MiMi?"

"He does."

"And not Mom?"

"No, not Mom, never."

"Bus?"

"With Rhiannon."

"Who's going to do sex with me? There is nobody left."

"Oh Lola.." Sam tried not to laugh. "…hopefully someone who loves you just as much as I love your Mom. Not for a long time though Lola, you need to be much much older. Daddy can't handle that."

He was hesitant to ask but wanted to know what she thought sex actually was. "It's like kissing in the nude." Lola looked a little embarrassed but not nearly as much as Sam was. He was relieved that she was only part way right and he left it at that.

"About the baby Dad?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Is it okay?"

"It is, it's tiny still Chicken but the Doctor is very happy with how its growing and how well Mom is doing."

"Can I come and watch when you have that video done where you can see the baby?" There was a little bit inside her that was happy and it was fighting to get out. It gave Sam hope that one day soon she would be excited.

"Of course you can." Sam beckoned her closer. "Can I tell you something?" Lola nodded. "It's very exciting but my favourite will always be when we saw you for the first time."

"Why?"

"Because you were our first baby and we didn't know what to expect. It was amazing and I think you'll love it. I know Mom will love to have you hold her hand. Mom is worried that you are not excited."

"I'm scared." She burst into tears and Sam pulled her into his lap, she was getting bigger but she'd never be too big for a Daddy cuddle.

"Don't be scared Lola, Mom is doing really well. We were a little bit worried too but the baby is growing really well and Mom feels really good. Please don't worry."

They were worried though, everyday Sam asked Polly how she was feeling, even the days she felt crappy and they panicked thinking it was starting again they tried really hard not to let the kids see it. Some days Sam could see Polly flagging but she pushed through and never let them see it.

On weekends rather than tell them that Polly was feeling crappy he would just take them out to get breakfast or down the beach if it wasn't too cold to give Polly a chance to rest a little more.


	55. Geriatrics

**_Our geriatric pregnancy._**

 ** _Well that went down like a lead balloon. This Doctor should seriously consider the aforementioned VRO because he is pushing his luck._**

 ** _We'd been in a constant state of shock for a good week by this stage. The kids actually thought we were insane. Polly cried a lot, and I mean A LOT and LZ would hold her hand and tell her that Daddy didn't mean it, what the hell? She didn't even know what I'd done at this stage and she was already blaming me. And you know that thing we did approximately eight weeks that got us into this mess…..yeah not happening. Even the sight of my appendage makes Polly cry and throw up a little bit in her mouth. She has a wide variety of names for it, most of them prefaced with a word starting with 'fuck'_**

 ** _And then Dr No Bedside Manner declared that we had a healthy 'geriatric pregnancy' Polly's ninja like moves were impressive as she scaled his desk in mere seconds. I was in awe and a little bit frightened, not for the Doctor, for me._**

 ** _We stumbled out of there, straight to the local pharmacy, picked up a few walking sticks, some incontinence pads and asked the kids which of the three local nursing homes would suit them best. Perhaps they could visit us after school?_**

 ** _LZ is talking to us again; actually it's more like lecturing. She sits us down and tells us about all the things we could be doing instead of, you know, the sex thing. It's too late LZ, there is another rooster in your mother's hen house but we appreciate the advice._**

 ** _Soooo we are pregnant and fortunately a few weeks later an ultrasound found ONE heartbeat. Apparently a geriatric pregnancy also has an increased risk of being a multiple pregnancy so we were almost expecting the Doctor to declare that four little fuckers were hiding in there. You know it was a 1 in a million chance of even getting pregnant but getting pregnant at Polly's advanced maternal age (not that those three words were any better than the word geriatric!) has a three fold increased risk of a twin pregnancies and you know how fucking well we do with odds._**

 ** _You have no idea how many high fives we gave each other when we found out we had under achieved in one area. Either Polly on gave up one egg, or the two halves clung to each other for dear life or, as Polly so eloquently put it….only one of your little fuckers was stupid enough to make a run for it. There is no mention of her egg producing abilities in any of this mess._**

 ** _I love my wife, she makes me feel good about myself._**

Polly had made the appointment for the confirmation and although the armful of positive tests told them that they were about to expand their family they had a little bit of hope that they were all wrong. She did one test a day, at all different times just to try and get an elusive negative and would rush to the bathroom and pray to the period gods regularly.

"Congratulations." The Doctor, a well meaning middle aged man beamed. "Is it what you were expecting?"

"Well, not really." Sam stuttered.

"Are there options you want to discuss?"

"No, we just weren't expecting to fall pregnant. We had a vasectomy about four years ago when we had our little boy." Polly was surprisingly momentarily mute. Which hadn't been the case lately. She had recently accused Sam of lying to her, that he didn't get snipped at all and when Sam pointed out the bruising and the amount of laughing she did at him when he was recovering her response would not pass the censors. The Tourette's was lasting longer this time.

He prattled off the odds failure and the risks of continuing with her 'geriatric' pregnancy.

"A what?" Sam almost choked and instinctively but his arms out to hold Polly back, like you would if your were about to come to a sudden stop because some idiot pulled out in front of your car and you needed to hit the brakes. This was a car crash.

"Advanced Maternal Age they call it these days. You are considered mature aged this time around."

"Sounds delightful. Do we get a discount at the nursing home?" Polly was not impressed, not in the slightest and Sam squeezed her hand to try and get her to calm down or at least keep her from reaching across the desk and smacking him. Polly was not a violent woman but everyone had a breaking point.

"So, tell me about your previous pregnancies. You had them in the US right?"

"Yes." She was snippy and Sam recognised this tone of voice all too well, he'd heard it a lot, especially lately. "They were fine, we have three healthy children."

"No complications?"

"Hyperemesis with my last one." Sam decided just to keep his mouth shut, she was pissed off with the Doctor and he figured she may as well get her anger out on him for a change. Sam had certainly suffered her wildly swinging emotions the last few days so this was a pleasant change.

"Just a little bit of morning sickness then?"

It was suddenly spiralling out of control at a rather alarming rate. "No, I said Hyperemesis." He wasn't even sure Polly moved her lips as she hissed at him. "Hyperemesis Gravidarum, I assume you, as a Doctor know what that means? Or did you get that…" she pointed at his degree on the wall "..from the back of a cornflake box."

He got the hint. "How long did the hyperemesis last?"

"All bloody day and night until I was 37weeks and expelled the little termite." Sam was surprised that she had said the word bloody, it had not been a word that had fallen from her lips recently and Sam was pretty sure the Doctor was writing a recommendation for some anger management classes or planning his escape route, leaving a carefully detailed note for the Police about his attacker. It was getting just a little tense in here.

"Post natal depression?"

"No, but I am starting to feel a little bit of pre-natal aggression." She glared at him. Someone needed to crack a window.

Polly was given the name of an Obstetrician due to her 'high risk pregnancy', although he didn't have to mention that this particular obstetrician specialised in late life pregnancies. Could he not keep bringing that up? Polly was 40, not 90. It was later in life than they hoped but she wasn't exactly old. Polly was fit and healthy as was Sam, they were active and financially stable, there were worse positions to be in.

Dr Webber was lovely and put them at ease. At least she didn't tell Polly she was a geriatric so she was winning so far and they liked her for now.

"So three previous successful pregnancies?" Dr Webber was taking notes and they were pretty sure they were a lot nicer than the previous Doctor. Sam almost asked her what he referral said, he was worried he would need to apologise for Polly's behaviour that day and explain that they really were a nice, normal couple.

"Yes. Charlotte is ten, she was born at 39 weeks." Sam did notice that Polly was using their proper names, she wasn't just angry with him and the random Doctor, she was basically angry at the whole fucking world. She rattled through her three pregnancies and deliveries barely drawing breath. "And I make him deliver them.." she pointed at Sam a little angrily. "He needs to see the damage he's caused." The Doctor was suddenly making sense of the somewhat descriptive referral she had in front of her. Sam just sighed and kept staring straight ahead, Polly heard it and glared at him, he could feel her eyes burning into the side of his head.

"Alfred's pregnancy was an absolute horror story. I suffered badly from Hyperemesis."

The Doctor asked a few questions about the severity of the hyperemesis; the treatments they tried and Alfred's birth and if Polly was worried about this pregnancy and hyperemesis. She asked for permission to get her medical records from the US, it wasn't easy but had Polly had not suffered so badly from Hyperemesis she wouldn't have bothered. They knew very well how bad it was, they had been told constantly that it was up there with one of the worse cases her Doctor had seen.

Suddenly Polly's voice started shaking and she appreciated Sam's comforting hold he had of her hand. She knew how worried he was as well, that was his biggest concern right now, Polly's health. Worrying about the baby would come once he knew Polly was okay. "We are worried, it was such a struggle for us and our family. I feel fine so far. I started vomiting about six weeks last time and I am a little past that now so I am hopeful." It was their biggest fear; all Sam wanted was for a healthy baby and healthy wife. If they had that then this wasn't complete bust.

"We will keep an eye on you over the next couple of weeks." Polly was reassured that it was possible that she wouldn't have another HG pregnancy. Her risk was about 80% though and that didn't fill them with confidence. To date the odds had fucked them over.

She examined Polly and did an ultrasound, which showed only one heartbeat but a strong healthy one and then explained some of the risks they faced. She would be monitored more closely throughout and there was the option to have some genetic testing done due to her increased risk of Chromosomal disorders.

Sam and Polly discussed it and decided to have the testing done. Not that they had any intention of aborting the pregnancy but they wanted to know and make sure they were prepared if they needed to be. One thing they did ask was to not find out what they were having. Even though they had with Alfie it was because Polly was struggling to bond with her baby, at this stage she had no such concerns.

As soon as they discovered they were pregnant Polly gave up alcohol, not that they were big drinkers but they did enjoy a glass of wine with dinner and a quiet drink at the end of a busy week.

She also started taking pre-natal vitamins, made sure she got plenty of rest and ate well. They were going to do everything possible to make sure it was a successful, healthy pregnancy. Their little baby depended on it.

Polly loved it when Sam first kissed her stomach. "Hey little one, we know you are in there. You might be wondering what the hell is going on, we are too but bug, we love you already." They had nicknamed it 'bug' and knowing them it was going to stick.

They were in shock but they were quietly excited and as each day passed without Polly getting sick they breathed a little easier.

Telling their parents wasn't quite as nerve-wracking as telling the kids. If they could handle Lola's disgust they could handle anything.

"We have some news."

"You're coming home?" Kim was desperately waiting for them to come home. She knew when they first left it wouldn't just be for the year, these things never were but she really wanted them to come home.

"Not yet." They were discussing it and deciding whether to stay a little longer. Sam had been offered the temporary role as Head of Department at the University, which meant another year at least. It was a huge opportunity for him but another baby had thrown a spanner in the works. Could they cope with four kids and no family support? He knew Polly missed her family but they loved it here too. They needed to weigh up against what was best for Sam and his career against what they wanted for their family. "We'd love you to come out for Christmas."

"Your Dad would love it, I think he wants to retire there." Adam was winding down to retirement; he was more consulting and managing the team through his transition at the moment and rarely got out in the field. He just couldn't walk away completely yet.

"I was hoping you might stay a little longer this time, we need some help."

"We'd love too, I am sure I can arrange something and convince your Dad to finally give it away, he's just dragging it out right now." Kim was basically retired now and spent most of her time looking after her granddaughter; Rhiannon and Gus still only had Vivienne. She kept herself busy and did not miss the police work at all. What she did do was miss her daughter and her other three grandchildren.

"Where's Dad?"

"Coming." Polly chatted away while she waited for her Dad to join them. She was nervous and filling in any silence she could with inane chatter and Sam was amused but said nothing.

"Hi MiMi." Mae popped in to say hello while they waited for Pops.

"Hello Darling girl, how are you? How's school?" Mae spent a couple of minutes talking about school and Sam and Polly were just waiting for her to slip up. It wasn't Mae though; it was her brother that started it.

Alfie wandered in and dropped the bombshell just as Adam joined them. He was arguing with Mae, "No Mae, it's my turn." He huffed. Mae had already told Sam's Mom about the baby before they had the chance, she just blurted out that mommy was having a baby and his mother just about dropped her cup of coffee. "It's my turn to show the baby." He snatched the photo from Mae's hand and tried to hold it up in front of the camera and missed the mark completely. "Look at our baby MiMi."

"Polly?" Kim gasped.

"Surprise." Mae and Alfie got that one right.

"What the hell?" Adam shrieked.

"Well apparently there is a 1% chance that you can get pregnant after a vasectomy and well as it turns out Sam has some very determined swimmers. I am just over three months pregnant."

"Holy crap." Kim was speechless and Adam appeared to be a barely functioning mute.

Mae giggled. "Mommy says bad words too, all the time. She told Daddy off." She had quickly gotten over the fact that Alfie had stolen the photo. "Pops, we having a baby? Lola is grumpy but me and Alfie are happy. It's all our baby, Mommy has to grow it but it is our baby too."

Lola had an ally, Adam was happy to hear that she was handing out lectures of their propensity to get pregnant. If they didn't have sex this wouldn't happen. He was on Lola's side. They laughed at Sam's description of Lola's stern discussions with them, they sounded over the top but knowing Lola they would be spot on. She did come down briefly and talk to her grandparents and told Adam in no uncertain terms that she was not happy with her parents.

"Are you okay? Do you feel okay?" Kim was worried first and foremost about Polly and her health. She was already was planning what to pack and how quickly she could get there if they told her that Polly was sick again.

"I am good, really good. It's been a very smooth pregnancy so far, compared to Alfie anyway. We were completely blindsided and actually can't believe it's happening but…" Polly grabbed the photo from Alfie, which he had crumpled up in his hand and held it up for her parents to see. "There it is, one little bug."

"I don't know what to say?"

"You can say congratulations. We are happy Mom, terrified, shocked but excited." Polly and Sam both smiled. "We are excited about our little Aussie."


	56. Gone Rogue

**_Gone Rogue_**

 ** _I often have amusing conversations with Polly during the day…sometimes we talk, sometimes it's all done via text._**

 ** _Yesterday she called me in tears, she'd gone shopping and bought a bra and it was ugly and she lost it. I'm in the middle of marking exams and my wife is melting down over the fact her boobs have grown and she needed to buy a new bra. It's a little like spinning the wheel at the moment and I always have about three seconds to weigh up whether I have time to answer the call or not. It might be a quick 'what time will you be home?' chat or I may have to talk her off a ledge. The Bra conversation was a ledge moment, actually it was heading towards a cliff moment and we've had a few of those lately._**

 ** _And then today happened...via text._**

 ** _It started with a relatively simple but loaded question. 'Can you change your hours to be available to take the kids to school and pick them up?'_**

 ** _'Tomorrow?'_**

 ** _'No forever.'_**

 ** _'Ummm No.'_**

 ** _'We need to change schools then.'_**

 ** _'Who did what?'_**

 ** _'One of your children told the class that I am pregnant…'_**

 ** _'Well you are'_**

 ** _'My mom got some genetic material from my Dad…'_**

 ** _I got the sense that this was just the beginning_** **.** ** _'Interesting.'_**

 ** _'And she cries at lot…'_**

 ** _'Well, sweetheart I hate to tell you.. Remember the bra thing yesterday?'_**

 ** _'Mom tells my Dad to keep his little fuckers to himself.'_**

 ** _Oh dear. There was an uncomfortable silence as I type with some trepidation, already knowing the answer. 'GB?'_**

 ** _'Who else? LZ is too angry to tell anyone and refusing to even acknowledge the baby and TT has no idea.'_**

 ** _'That's funny.'_**

 ** _'Fuck you.'_**

 ** _That is the end of the conversation._**

 ** _We love GB; she's sweet, cuddly and fucking stealthy._**

 ** _We have a lot of big conversations with our kids; all the important topics are covered. Should pineapple be on a pizza? Is Santa real? Can we get a chicken that lays chocolate eggs? Why is it night time here and day time when we talk to Pops and MiMi? Were we sad when we couldn't be kids anymore?_**

 ** _For the record the pineapple question is 3 to 2. Girls love it, boys hate it. They do other crazy shit with their pizza's here but that's for another day._**

 ** _Is Santa real? LZ isn't so sure but too scared to come out and admit it because maybe he is and if she doesn't believe she might not get presents. It's not worth the risk she's decided. GB is happy to go with it because of the presents and she gets to write a list and that girl loves her lists, TT is absolutely 100% in the Santa camp._**

 ** _The Chicken and chocolate egg thing – that conversation was ugly. They feel ripped off._**

 ** _And we have no idea if they understand the earth is round explanation, by the looks on their faces we think not but did not have the energy to try and explain it again._**

 ** _Yes, everyday we cry about this adulting thing, especially lately._**

 ** _And they know all about my job, I often have one of them in my office during teleconferences and they come into the zoo all the time. They understand a lot about animal reproduction although they haven't quite joined the dots yet._**

 ** _Even with our current unexpected family expansion disaster, we've talked about it in vague and somewhat hushed tones._**

 ** _But the shit hit the fan today. GB's teacher made a beeline for Polly when she picked her up from school. Now our kids are good kids, we rarely have issues so when we do get singled out it's never good. You are isolated, cut from the herd like a pack of lionesses hunting down their prey and at their mercy and when they start talking quietly so no one else can hear then it's a sure fire sign one of them has gone a little rogue._**

 ** _It seems that GB was excited to tell her class about the new baby. That's okay, we like that at least one of them is happy with the news. She asked if she could tell her friends at school and well the cat was out of the bag now so we thought, 'where's the harm in that.' The teacher was happy for GB and us until….well GB went off script._**

 ** _Most kids, we gather just tell their friends that their 'mommy is having a baby' some may mention the sex word but it's generally mild, rated G or PG at most and everyone screams a little and they move on. Except for ours….._**

 ** _It wasn't the announcement perse, it was the colourful language that was a problem for the teacher._**

 ** _Polly was mortified when she was told that GB's exact words were. The teacher seemed to have remembered it verbatim, also rarely a good sign. 'My Mom is having a baby, she got some genetic material from my Dad and she's got a baby in her belly.' Even that didn't bother the teacher, it was weird and an interesting way to explain it but ultimately harmless, perhaps that's what they do in America? 'It's still little but she does cry a lot and tells Dad that he needs to keep his little fuckers to himself.'_**

 ** _Yes our daughter announced I needed to keep my little fuckers to myself to a room full of six year olds. There was screaming, including from the teacher and our child was standing there in the middle of it all with a shit eating grin on her face. I don't know whether to be scared, proud or cry._**

 ** _Now I have a couple of hours, tops to shore up my defence because you know this is my fault. I send Polly a message to test the waters. 'I love you.' And the silence is deafening._**

 ** _GB is a curious cat, she loves a cuddle and a long time ago she started to creep downstairs well after bedtime for a cuddle. It began when Polly was pregnant with TT and GB was struggling with moving to a new big bed and her mom's traumatic pregnancy. I didn't mind it, it comforted her and me and we liked the ritual. If anyone is going to come into our bed in the middle of the night it is GB, she loves her people and we are her people and that feels pretty bloody great._**

 ** _Her mother was the same apparently and it continues to this day, if her Dad is around she often will spend time talking to him late at night. When I was a slightly eager and nervous teenager trying to pop her cherry it was a little disconcerting, now I am a soon to be father of four it is still something that makes me nervous._**

 ** _I hope GB's future boyfriends feel the same because I want to still be there to cuddle, comfort and talk to my daughter and torture the cherry farmer._**

 ** _So she comes across as sweet, cuddly, sensitive and a loving little girl and she is, but she also has a wild streak in her. She sucks you in and then smacks you in the face. We love her._**

 ** _I stupidly decide that I am going to stand my ground this time. The only person who uses the words 'little fucker' is Polly and she needs to own it. I am proud of my swimmers; she hates them right now and I get that but she can't deny that mixed with her eggs they produce A grade quality offspring._**

 ** _If anyone is to blame for GB's mess it's her. I would be stupid to go this route, but…well I may be able to breed endangered Rhinos to stave off extinction but navigate a peace treaty with an angry, hormonal, unexpectedly pregnant wife when your daughter has gone rogue at school, I doubt there is a man alive who can do that._**

 ** _I fail…miserably._**

 ** _And the icing on the cake, we talk to GB, we are honest, straightforward and answer her questions and she has a few. This was a bad move, especially when she announced at the dinner table that she now knows how babies are made, like the mechanics of it all and LZ hates me now because of what I do to her mother… she's back upstairs, the door is shut and I pull out the pizza delivery menu._**

 ** _They greet us like a long lost friend, it's been a few weeks since we last called them._**

Polly was at Sam the moment he walked through the door. "You need to talk to her."

"Why me? I don't use the words little fuckers."

"But they are your little fuckers that did this to me." Now you'd think he'd deliberately set out to impregnate her in some sick perverse game. Polly was a very willing participant in the act that led to this event but Sam decided not to point that out right now.

"Okay, let's just calm down. What did Mae say exactly?"

"I told you what she said."

The teacher had been very detailed in her recounting of Mae's news item and Polly just wanted to dig a hole and crawl into it. "I'm so sorry. I don't know where she heard that, we try not to talk like that around them. I will admit we are a bit shocked by the pregnancy and Sam and I do have some entertaining discussions about it. The genetic material comment doesn't surprise me, Sam talks about it all the time with regards to his work. He does presentations and practices at home or they listen to him talking to people on the phone but it is only with regards to his animals." Polly was nervously ranting, she actually felt like she was going to vomit for the first time in weeks. "I'm so sorry, we will talk to her."

"Look we have heard worse, but you might just want to talk to her about her language." Polly just kept apologising.

Mae knew she was in trouble though, the kids always knew they were in trouble depending on what name was used. "Lola, Alfie we are going." They were playing on the playground while Polly was being lectured. "Mabel, get in the car." Her mom called her Mabel so she knew she was dead in the water.

"Mabel." Polly called her to come into the kitchen while Lola and Alfie were watching TV. "Your Dad needs to talk to you." By the time she got to her parents she was almost in tears and Polly made her sit in her lap and Sam sat down beside her, they didn't want her to feel threatened more than she probably already did. It wasn't a threatening conversation, awkward yes but they weren't angry with her and they weren't going to yell, they tried not to yell at their kids.

"Monkey, we are really happy that you are excited about the baby but I think we need to chat about how you tell people."

"Mrs Grady was angry wasn't she?"

"She wasn't angry Mabel just disappointed." Polly was still calling her Mabel, I notice it, Mae notices it and she's a little anxious.

"Are you angry?"

"No, Mae we are not angry but let's just talk about the words you used."

"But I heard mommy say it was your little fuckers." She knew precisely what words they were talking about, the teacher had told her that they don't say those words at school. Both Sam and Polly had to try hard not to laugh.

"I am sorry you heard that, sometimes adults use silly words to talk about things but that is a private conversation between Mommy and Daddy." Sam was bumbling through this at best. "How about we don't use those words from now on. Let's call them by their real name, it's called sperm."

It ended up in a way to in depth discussion about sex that they weren't ready for. "Okay." Mae nodded and she looked thoughtful so Polly asked her if she had any questions.

"How does Daddy's sperm get inside you?"

"It comes from his penis."

"Yes, but how does it get in there."

"Daddy puts his penis inside Mommy's vagina. It's called sex and it's a very special thing that Mommy and Daddy do to make each other happy." Sam almost started hyperventilating. Polly was being matter of fact about it all, some might say cold and heartless and it was brutal for everyone. Except Polly, she did not care. She was over it.

"But does it hurt?" She looked confused, it seemed odd to her and her little brain just couldn't process such a big revelation.

"No sweetie it doesn't hurt, we really like it but it is something private that grown ups do."

"I don't want someone to put a penis inside me. It's my bagina." Polly and Sam couldn't look at each other; they'd probably laugh especially when Mae crossed her arms defiantly across her chest.

"It is your vagina and you need to be much older before you are ready for something like that. It's what adults do and nobody can touch you if you say no, Mommy and Daddy don't touch you, Lola and Alfie don't touch you. It's your body Mae, it's very precious."

"Do you let Daddy touch you?" Well right now the answer was no, but yes Polly did love Sam touching her. Although Sam had recently spent a night showing Polly how much he loved her body when she melted down over the fact that she thought this pregnancy was going to be the final nail in the coffin for her poor body and Sam would hate it.

"Sometimes, but if I say no Daddy doesn't touch me. Daddy doesn't touch anyone else either. But remember we are adults, you are still so little."

"Do you touch Daddy's penis?"

"I do, sometimes." She didn't do that nearly as much as Sam liked, especially lately. He didn't really trust her at the moment.

"Do you like Daddy's penis in your bagina?" Polly literally gasped. Mae was making hay while the sun shined as far as going rogue went. She was in the zone.

"I hope so Monkey. It makes Daddy feel good, I know that Mommy loves me very much. It makes Mommy happy too and I love making Mommy happy. I love your Mommy very much." Sam was a blubbering, blundering mess and the words were pretty much just all coming out in a rush.

They loved Mae, they thought she was a little bit awesome and she kept them on their toes constantly. She's was a strange cat, very much like her mother although Polly fails to see the humour in it some days. Like today, she did not like to be reminded that Mae is just like her.

They sat in stunned silence for a moment when Mae scuttled from the room. "Can I put my penis inside your vagina later?" Sam tried to break the ice just before he pulled Polly into his embrace and laughed.

"No."

"Please." He was whiny and willing to do anything. Talking about sex just reminded him of how much loved it. Polly was a little all over the shop with it and he couldn't blame her but god he missed her.

Mae was just off the charts today and Polly and Sam were mortified when Mae decided to announce, at dinner her highlight of the day. Unfortunately her highlight was learning about sex.

"Mabel that's disgusting" Lola shrieked and Sam just died on the spot. "Is it true?" Lola had her hands on the table ready to push herself up out of her seat and was demanding answers while Mae was sitting smugly next to her. Alfie was just shoving his dinner in; the boy loved his food.

Mae's precise words were _'Daddy put his penis inside Mommy's bagina and his sperm made a baby.'_

"Yes." He kept it simple, he couldn't lie nor could I think of anything to say. Polly just stared blankly at the wall above Sam's head and he was worried she was having a stroke.

"Why do you do that to my Mom, does it hurt her?"

"No Chicken it doesn't hurt Mom. Mom loves it."

"Sam." Polly spat at him through gritted teeth. At least he knew she could still speak so the stroke wasn't as bad as he feared.

"You are disgusting." Lola spat at her Dad and stormed upstairs.

He turned to Mae as her door slammed. "Thank you Mabel. Let's stop talking about sex okay?" She had been called Mabel a lot today.

"Lola is such a baby sometimes." They had no idea where the sudden attitude came from but their sweet little girl was growing up way to quickly.

"Jack says it's called a willy." Alfie giggled finally deciding to join the conversation. It was like he had been processing the whole thing and had eventually figured out what they were talking about. "He got his willy out in class and Ms Bennett told him to put it away." Sam groaned, this they didn't need.

"Eat your dinner Alfie."

"Boys always play with it, I've seen Daddy do it." Not that Mae was done quite yet. "Do you like it?"

"Mabel…enough." Sam pointed his fork at her, he was convinced he was now having a stroke. "It's time to stay quiet and eat your dinner."

Polly drew the short straw and had to go and talk to Lola. "Lola Sweetheart Are you okay?"

"No, why does Daddy do that to you? Why does he hurt you?"

"Sweetheart that is called sex. Daddy and I have sex."

"But I thought it was just cuddling and kissing in the nude." She was so confused.

"It is that too, we love to cuddle and kiss each other, we love being nude together and sometimes we have sex and it's wonderful. I love Daddy very much and we love to make each other happy and sex makes us happy. It's also what gave us you and Mae and Alfie and this little one." She laid her hand on her barely noticeable belly.

"It doesn't hurt you?"

"No sweetheart. Daddy never hurts me, he is very nice and sweet and gentle. I feel very safe with Dad and I know he loves me very much."

"Do I have to do that?"

"No you don't, and I know right now it sounds a bit disgusting but you might change your mind when you are much older and that's okay."

"Do you still do that now with the baby? Does it hurt the baby? Can it see?"

"Yes we do, but it doesn't hurt the baby. The baby is safe in my uterus, it is growing bigger everyday and soon I hope we can feel it kick. Having sex doesn't hurt the baby, it doesn't know what is happening. They can't see what is going on. The only two people who know what is happening and can see it is Daddy and I."

"Why is Mae like that?"

"Ah Mae is just inquisitive, she likes to know things, she likes to learn and she listens to everything people tell her."

Polly wanted to make a couple of things very clear to Lola. "Mommy and Daddy love each other, we like to spend time together doing all sorts of things, sex is one of them, we also love to have dinner together, watch movies, hold hands, laugh, and spend time with you and Mae and Alfie. We love our life with each other and with you."

She nodded and just buried her head into her Mom's arms. "We love you so much Lola, all of you and if there is anything you want to know come and talk to Daddy or me. We want you to feel safe and loved, that is very important to us."

"So about my penis?" Sam snuggled into the back of Polly when they crawled into bed.

"Sam, go to sleep."


	57. Concern

**_I interrupt our usual lunacy…_**

 ** _I just feel I need to address a few of your concerns. We do appreciate that you are invested in our family as we stumble haphazardly through life in a strange country._**

 ** _Initially this started to keep our friends and family up to date on what we were up to and I guess from the outside, for those who are still learning about us it may come across that I am a little dismissive of the wonderful family I have and I understand you have some concerns about the state of our marriage, my wife's mental health and our children and perhaps even my own sanity._**

 ** _In case you are wondering I am completely and totally in love with my wife, she is amazing and patient and gorgeous and quite frankly the best person I know, she is my best friend, my confidant, my biggest supporter, my strength and my lover. I am able to do what I do, and the reason I am even in this position, in this strange country today is because of the love of Polly, both now and when she was in my life when we were teenagers. She actually does appear to also love me, and yes our sex life is doing just great._**

 ** _Polly, I think looks beautiful when she's pregnant, she floats my boat every day, pregnant or not and it's something we've always done well. It's a win-win situation. We think we are good at it but rather than rest on our laurels we make sure we keeping striving for perfection. One day we might get there, until then, well I have no complaints if we keep giving it a crack. Practice makes perfect._**

 ** _Polly is happy, a little tired and occasionally grumpy but she is an incredible mother and our three beautiful children have lucked out. She is involved in their everyday and together we think we are raising amazing little humans, they are happy, funny, quirky, loving and engaging little people who love to learn, live and participate in everything. They make us laugh constantly and fill our home with joy. We go to their school assemblies, concerts, fundraisers and parties, we want to know if they are happy, sad, scared, sick and we want to fix them, teach them and help them learn how to be the best people they can possibly be._**

 ** _And some days they push our buttons._**

 ** _She also spends a lot of time talking to our baby, telling it how lucky they are to be joining us. I also talk to our baby everyday, morning and night. I lie with Polly at night and we talk about our dreams for our new baby and our other three. I go to every appointment and I love being 100% invested in her pregnancy, like I was with the other three. Polly may be carrying and growing our child but it is still our child and Polly loves me being involved. I wouldn't miss a minute of this._**

 ** _Even our kids talk to their new little baby everyday. It's beautiful to watch and we let them say whatever they like and those conversations are often hilarious and they are always full of love, they love kissing 'the bug'. It melts our heart to see how excited they are; even when we were struggling to come to terms with having another baby their joy was infectious._**

 ** _We appreciate your well meaning advice and you wouldn't believe what we talk about, mental health? Yes we talk about mental health, hers, our kids and mine. Polly is not depressed, her face lights up every time our baby kicks and every time one of our kids tells us that they love us. We tell them everyday how much we love them; we hug them and kiss them constantly. We read stories with them every day so that they each get their own time with us without interruptions, it's not always easy but we strive to give each of them a little bit of us every day. GB always gets up early and I love those moments we get in the morning before anyone else is up to chat about our day. We have breakfast together most days and it's the perfect start to our day. TT shines brightest before dinner and LZ gets her focus after the younger ones go to bed. They see me hug and kiss their mom and tell her I love her, they watch as she gets excited when I come home from work, they love that we cuddle each other, hold hands and laugh with each other. Our favourite days are when we get to just hang out together. We are not perfect, but we are here doing our best._**

 ** _We can't imagine one day without them. They are our everything._**

 ** _We are over the moon to be having another baby because we know how precious it is. We had decided not to have any more children after TT was born, hence the vasectomy because that pregnancy was horrific. I don't have the words to explain how I felt any one of the seven times I carried my wife into hospital because she was too weak to walk, it was devastating sitting next to her bed while they pumped her full of fluids and nutrients. I'd sit alone and cry when it got too much but I couldn't let Polly see that, I had to be strong for her. She knew though because she knows me better than anyone else on this planet._**

 ** _I was devastated when I saw the bruises and welts all over her stomach from when I would move her injection site everyday when we tried a Zofran pump to, at the very least reduce the amount of nausea and vomiting. It didn't work and Polly got an infection so we stopped that and the excessive vomiting soon returned with a vengeance. It wasn't the miracle we were hoping for but for four weeks I stabbed her everyday, trying to find a spot that wasn't already sore, hoping to relieve some of her suffering so that our family could function as a family for just a minute._**

 ** _It broke my heart waking up in the middle of the night to the sounds of Polly vomiting, I couldn't even sleep in the same bed as her, so I would crawl out of the spare bed, trying not to disturb the two precious girls who were usually with me because they felt overwhelmed and scared. I would hold her hair back, bring her water to rinse her mouth, wash her face, shower her if needed, change the sheets on the bed if she hadn't made it, clean vomit off the floor and then pick her up and take her back to bed. Sure it was nothing compared to what Polly was enduring for our child but it still hurt, it was a living fucking hell for all of us._**

 ** _It was traumatic for our girls to watch their Mom suffering. I hated seeing LZ holding a bucket for her Mom to spew into, I hated having to peel GB off her because Polly couldn't stand the smell of them. It was an emotional rollercoaster for Polly, for me, for our girls and our families._**

 ** _We adore our son; he is an amazingly cheeky, happy resilient little boy who makes us laugh and swoon everyday. Polly was worried for a brief moment that she wouldn't love her baby and that is a painful thing to admit and to witness, but the love she felt for him was always there and he grabbed hold of our hearts instantly. He was worth the trauma._**

 ** _But we decided that our three beautiful children were enough for us. I never want to see the woman I love more than life itself so desperately unwell again because it hurt too much and not getting pregnant again seemed like a good place to start. Polly fought everyday for the life of our son and I am eternally grateful and in awe of her. Our family was perfect and complete._**

 ** _We decided, together that we didn't want to go through that again so forgive us for approaching this pregnancy with some trepidation. Fortunately we are doing well, everyday we relax a little more and we have embraced our new little life and can't wait to meet them._**

 ** _We spent a lot of time early in this pregnancy helping LZ deal with her anxiety about this new baby, she was terrified her Mom was going to be sick again and even when Polly felt like crap she soldiered on so that LZ didn't fret. GB regressed a little and we were back to late night cuddles and a visitor to our bedroom for a few weeks until she felt safe again and we didn't mind, we would do anything to make them feel safe and secure and loved._**

 ** _We are in love already and our kids are excited. This baby is very much a wanted baby by this incredible family that Polly and I have spent a decade creating but we feel if we tell you constantly how perfect our life is it would get pretty boring._**

 ** _Thank you for caring, we really do feel the love._**

Sam wished he could let it go, Polly begged him to but it was eating away at him. She replied to his blog, which she rarely did preferring to let him be and stay out of it, but she always read the comments.

 _'I love you too Baby. You rock my world, you rock their world and I can wait to see you with your baby in your arms. #crazy #DontStop #content_

"Who cares what people we don't know think? The people who know us know the truth." Polly was upset that Sam was so worried about all the comments he was receiving on his blog about the state of his marriage and how mean he was to his kids and to Polly.

It couldn't be further from the truth, Sam was an incredible father and her children were lucky to have him. He worked hard, without a doubt and would have loved to be home more than he was but when he was around he was all about them. His work week varied and sometimes he started before they were even up in the morning and at times he wasn't always home for dinner. He tried to be either home in the morning or in the evening. On weekends if he had to go into work he'd take them with him. He wanted to spend time with them.

"Should I tone it down?"

"God no, I love them, they are hilarious and I think it sums us up pretty well. They are crazy and I don't care what they say about me, or us. I know you Sam." Polly encouraged Sam to be utterly ridiculous sometimes, she'd help him write it and he always let her see them before he posted them. Saying that, when he read out this post she cried. Perhaps it was the hormones coursing through her body but she loved how beautifully he explained why they were struggling with the pregnancy, how raw and open and honest he was.

"I hope so."

"And I would go crazy if we had sex as often as you make out." Polly ran her hand over his chest.

"Want to make out now?"

Cocking her head to the side she smiled sweetly. "Like make out? Or like really make out, with inappropriate touching and stuff?"

"I'd really like some inappropriate touching."

If you had to ask Sam what part of their pregnancies he liked the most it would be hard to pick but he did love this part, Polly was showing, not massively but there was definitely a bump and she had popped out a little earlier this time. It was cute and he could cover it with his hands and that felt amazing. He felt protective; like now he could see it he could protect it. It wasn't just Polly's job anymore; he could be more in touch with their growing baby now he could see the evidence of it.

Polly's skin felt sensitive right now and having Sam lovingly stroking it and kissing it set her alight. She loved feeling his skin against it, and would curl into his side in bed and enjoy the warmth. It was just a little too big for her to comfortably lie on Sam now. She loved to stretch out on top of him or have him on top and they had to start adjusting so she stretched out beside him and snuggled in tight.

Her mother rang her the day after they announced their pregnancy just to check in on her daughter. They had been shocked by the revelation that Polly was pregnant. Adam had told Kim that if she wanted to fly out she could, he could see how worried she was. Kim hated that they were so far away but this pushed her over the edge. "Are you sure you are okay?

"I am Mom. I feel okay, we've had some rough days but we are trying really hard not to worry the kids. Lola is upset and worried that I will be sick again. Mae is sleeping in our bed most nights."

"Okay, what about you?" Polly kept telling everyone that they were worried about the kids but didn't talk much about how she was feeling. In all honesty they were still reeling from it and focussing on the kids meant they could delay talking about it. They discussed it with each other but to the outside they pushed a smile onto their faces and ploughed on.

"I'm okay. Mom really. We were shocked, this is so unexpected but it's a baby Mom, our baby and I love Sam so much. We are doing okay."

"Really?"

Polly burst into tears. "It's okay Mom, we are just dealing with it. It's happening and there is nothing we can do about it. Not having the baby isn't an option so we are getting our head around it and getting on with it. We will love this baby, we already do."

"I know you will. I just want to know you are feeling okay. I worry about you."

"Please don't worry. We were talking last night and we just looked at each other and realised that this is a lucky baby. This is a beautiful family and I love having Sam's baby growing inside me. I love that he believes in me and trusts me to have his baby."

"Yes, but how are you? Physically? Polly you were so sick with Alfie, I worry about that?"

"I know, we do too but we are past that now, I am starting to feel good now. I had a couple of weeks were I felt really unwell but I wasn't really sick, we managed. I didn't want the kids to see me sick because I knew it would freak Lola and Mae out."

"Okay. How is Lola really?"

"She's okay now, she's excited. She was talking to the baby today, telling it how she was going to come see it soon." As promised Polly was taking her along to her next ultrasound appointment so that she could see the baby growing and Lola was so excited, she couldn't wait.

"And Mae?"

"Sam is getting lots of cuddles, she comes down most nights and curls up on his lap. It's so sweet, I think Sam loves it just as much." They weren't surprised when Mae first appeared on the steps in tears. She looked nervous and bolted into Sam's arms when he held out his hand to her. He was such a beautiful father and Polly knew he'd love this new baby just as much. He had his own thing with each of them. Mae it was this, cuddles at night. With Lola it was talking about his animals, she was always in his office or happy to go to the zoo with him. He loved wrestling with Alfie, they would roll around on the floor or the back lawn together and Polly loved to listen to them squealing and laughing.

"Do you want me to come over? I can come and stay and help out?"

"No, please Mom we are okay. You couldn't stay away from Dad that long anyway, he'd go insane. I feel pretty good now, we are managing."

Her Dad also sent her a message. "My Baby Girl, I love you, I worry about you. If you need me, or your Mom just say the word and we'll be on the next flight. If you want to talk to me send me a message and I will call you back. I miss you."

"I love you too Dad. I can't wait to see you and curl up on the couch and talk to you face to face. We are doing okay, we are happy, I feel good. I miss you too, everyday."

Sam felt her come to bed; he lifted his arm and let her curl into his side. "How are the folks?" He mumbled, already half asleep.

"Ready to board the next flight."

"If you want them to come Baby, tell them to come." Polly just kissed him softly, snuggled in tight and let sleep win out.


	58. In the Kick of Time

**_In the Kick of time…._**

 ** _It's been a busy day & it had a bit of a theme running through it._**

 ** _1._** **** ** _The girls played AusKick._**

 ** _2._** **** ** _The Bug was kicking up a storm_**

 ** _3._** **** ** _I got kicked._**

 ** _So, to explain_**

 ** _Over here they play this weird but strangely addictive game called Australian Rules Football. Gotta say we are fans now that we have a loose grip on the rules. We all have our teams. LZ wants a pet cat, so naturally she's a Geelong Cats fan, and TT loves kangaroos so he's chosen a team called the Kangaroos. GB dithers, she's probably still writing a list but this week she's joining the Cats bandwagon._**

 ** _Last week it was the Collingwood Magpies, but they are angry fuckers (the birds that is & the fans aren't much better). The birds have the tendency to swoop unsuspecting victims and when GB got swooped down at the park she dumped that team like a hot rock. We are not unhappy with this, as Collingwood is that team that people love to hate and someone even warned us that we might be arrested for child abuse if we allow our child to support that team. Now we were worried and tried to talk her out of it but she dug her heels in…until she was swooped. As I said, they are angry fuckers and the lecture they got from GB was epic. I should have filmed her shaking her fist angrily at the sky; it would have gone viral but I was busy; my somewhat transient parenting skills kicked in and I did try and protect my offspring from the angry fucker. I mean those bastards don't just swoop and move on they come back again and again._**

 ** _Polly felt sorry for TT and joined our little Roo boy on the Kangaroo bandwagon._**

 ** _Very early on I got sucked into playing a 'friendly' Dad's game of footy. Fuck me, I nearly died. It quickly turned into a game of let's kill the American. It was chaos, I actually had someone's knee in the back of my head. Not too bad I hear you say, lying on the ground things like this happen except I was standing up….STANDING….and I get kneed in the back of the head. I am convinced they are cheering my near death experience but apparently it was 'the screamer' one of the other Dad's took while he was kneeing me in the back of the head they were cheering about. That's what kneeing someone in the head is called. There was plenty of screaming I can tell you; I screamed like my six year old does when her brother touches her as my knees buckled._**

 ** _The first time I get the weirdly shaped ball I throw it to my teammate…but you are not allowed to throw it, you need to handball it (kind of punching it off your hand) and I give away a free kick to the other team so next time I hang onto it and get body slammed into the ground and give away a free kick for holding the ball. Of course I fucking held it, I am not allowed to fucking throw it._**

 ** _I can't kick it for shit, I can catch it…or mark it as it is called here except the cruel umpire declares that it hasn't gone far enough, yes that is a fucking rule and I get body slammed again. I feel like they are just making these shit rules up to have fun with me but apparently not; they are the actual rules. The umpire is not just being a dick; he's being a factually correct dick._**

 ** _The padding should help, right? Except these fuckers don't wear padding AT ALL. It's insane._**

 ** _I have my cheer squad though, and every time I get the ball I can hear them. The kids are screaming and cheering and Polly is laughing. She's a cruel woman, she signed me up for this shit and I will make her pay later. And I do, I can't move so she has to shower with me to make sure I don't fall in a heap on the ground, block the drain and drown in a heady mix of cold water and my misery._**

 ** _Anyway, this is life in an AFL mad world and we are converts and then the girls got sucked into playing AusKick, a kid's version of this insane game. No screamers, body slamming and they seem to get away with throwing it. Not that I am bitter …at all. We loved that they want to try new things, we really do. We actively encourage it._**

 ** _That is until the finer details emerged. It's at 8AM on a SUNDAY MORNING in WINTER. Now granted winters here are somewhat mild compared to Chicago but we've gone soft and not ashamed to admit it. We tried to dissuade them; it was too cold for their mother and the Bug…'that's okay your Dad can take you'. Nope, not happening, it's one in all in. We are in this nightmare together._**

 ** _Polly declared, in the car on the way there that she was going to stay in the car, it was too cold and wet for her to stand in the rain because of the Bug._**

 ** _'I'm sorry…' I started to protest, although the I'm sorry part was just my usual way to start a sentence... 'but that kid floats in water all day.' I don't win the argument, but that is to be expected._**

 ** _She stayed in the car, warm and cosy, reclined the seat, popped the heated seats on and waved us off. TT wasn't staying in the car, he wasn't missing on the fun. I stood in the rain, clutching my stone cold coffee with the wind whipping up straight off the Antarctic completely clueless to what was going on while TT found a puddle and proceeded to spend most of his time rolling around in it._**

 ** _I know, the cold, the germs etc but I decided to build up his immune system and his sisters were cold and wet so it would be unfair to make him miss out. It was a unilateral decision and as you can imagine they never end well._**

 ** _Surprisingly Polly did venture out during a break in the clouds, the sun came out but the wind was still blowing straight off the ice bergs to remind me that TT was wet and dirty and this is my fault. Suddenly my immune system argument was feeling flimsy at best. Although I think the real reason she flew out of the car was when she eyed a slightly enthusiastic woman circling. She offered to share her umbrella and to explain the rules and Polly unleashed her inner green-eyed monster and appeared by my side, very suddenly. She's stealthy and can spot competition a mile off. She's like a lioness and she stalks her prey with maximum efficiency and her take downs can be swift._**

 ** _Polly may not want to touch me in my bad place right now but by fuck no-one else was going to get near it either. Not that I want some random woman to touch me, but I'd love my wife to or at the very least not gag at the mere thought of it. (Just before you type that well-meaning advice about fidelity – this is not even an option. I have zero interest in anyone other than the mother of my children touching me in my bad place.)_**

 ** _Back to the game, the reason we are here in the sub-Antarctic temperatures fighting off random attacks by an over enthusiastic women. The girls loved it, they got wet, muddy and LZ kicked a goal, which is the aim of the game and GB ran around like a headless chook but while the other kids fell around them, crying and wailing because it was cold and wet, our little Chicago babes toughed it out._**

 ** _Perhaps the highlight was Polly actually letting me cuddle her. I think she was using me to shelter from the wind and that random mother who was still circling but I don't care what the reasons were, I got to CUDDLE her. She also has the tendency to pretend to actually wants to be near me when we are in public, some days she even holds my hand. I know it's all a front and I don't mind._**

 ** _I have a sneaky suspicion she likes me._**

 ** _We dragged our three soggy children home and they were happy little vegemite's._**

 ** _The day got better though. TT was lying with his head on his Mom's tummy on the couch watching a movie. He was kissing her belly, talking to his 'bug' and placing his ear against it to see if it would talk back. He doesn't quite get the whole deal, that they baby can't talk when it's born, actually I am not sure he's figured out how it gets out yet or why he can't see it now, or why his Mom's belly keeps getting bigger. Polly and I are rock, paper, scissoring the shit out of who is having that discussion._**

 ** _LZ has figured it out, thanks to her snotty school friends and she's thoroughly unimpressed and horrified and declared she wants to be sterilised. It's a touch extreme but one we are seriously contemplating. Although it might be easier to just tell her that if she does the sex thing she might get pregnant and that should put an end to that possibility and it's less permanent…and legal. LZ has learnt a lot of hard lessons lately and this growing up thing is pretty damn unspectacular according to her._**

 ** _GB is blissfully uninterested and we are happy for it to stay that way._**

 ** _At least this way there is no chance she'll announce it to her class. She's just happy taunting her sister about how 'the sex' happens. We are a little concerned by her obsession but have decided to ignore it hoping she moves onto something far less difficult to answer, like why broccoli taste like broccoli. Seriously, what goes on in her head?_**

 ** _Then his bug kicked him and TT was in heaven. It hadn't kicked LZ or GB yet and he is lording it over them like there is no tomorrow, obviously the bug loves him more than it loves his sisters. He doesn't often get one over on his sisters but when he does he makes sure everyone knows it. Of course Polly is then smothered by the other two all wanting in on the action and she's incredibly patient with them, I would have snatched it long before she did. Anyway I'd already felt it kick, Polly accidently rolled into my side in bed the other week and I swear the baby only kicked me to get me to move away._**

 ** _Now for the lowlight…_**

 ** _About the other kick on the list, wrestling with three children is fun until it's not. It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye…or cops a stray foot to the manberries. I don't know whose foot it was, I suspect Polly though. She denies this but it seems like the kind of thing she'd do, she's stealthy remember. She's hell bent on making sure none of my little fuckers see the light of day again._**

 ** _The only good thing about a kick to the nuts is the love and attention I receive from my little girls. They will make great wives one day, even if LZ doesn't do the 'sex' and GB, well I think her future husband might strike it rich, she's still a little too fascinated by the sex thing. She actually asked her mother the other day over breakfast if we had sex last night, because we were noisy. Monkey that was my begging you heard, it wasn't pleasant and it was unsuccessful, but par for the course really._**

 ** _My big girl is too busy laughing. She tells me that considering what I've done to her she should have kicked me in the manberries a long time ago._**

 ** _TT, he's a boy…he doesn't know what awaits him and right now it's best it stays this way._**

Lola was so excited they could barely contain her; it was one of the rare days they didn't have to drag her out of bed kicking and screaming. Today was the day that she got to see her bug. Mae was a little annoyed that she was going to miss out but in true Mae fashion it was more about the fact that Lola got out of school for a couple of hours than actually seeing the baby.

They had already discussed it with the Doctor and it wasn't a scan that was looking for any anomalies, that had already been done and everything was looking good so far but Dr Webber agreed to do another scan for Lola. Polly and Sam had discussed how their children were coping with the news and how they had promised to let Lola come see a scan. She did discuss how they would handle it if the scan showed a problem, hence they waited a while until it looked more like a baby and they knew it was okay.

"Okay, Lola shall we take a look at your baby."

Dr Webber was wonderful; she talked to Lola about what she was doing as she got things ready and spread the gel on Polly's stomach. She was standing up beside her Mom, holding her hand and Sam was standing behind her with his arm around her, he loved how excited she was. Probably as excited as they were. They always loved seeing their baby's and seeing Lola's excitement made it extra special today.

"Well look here." Dr Webber pointed to the screen. "Lola, there's your baby." Polly teared up when she heard Lola gasp and Sam leant over and kissed Polly's forehead and she gave him a watery smile.

"Oh, it's so cute." She peered at the screen and when she burst into tears that finished Polly off. Sam wasn't much better. Lola's amazement was beautiful. "Hello little bug."

"What do you think?" Sam kissed the top of her head and they all chuckled at her answer.

"Why is its head so big? Is that normal?"

"That's how babies grow, right now their little heads grow and soon the body will catch up so when they are born they are perfect." Dr Webber told her and she was listening and nodding as she watched the screen. Polly preferred to watch Lola than the screen right now. The look of wonder on her face was priceless. "I think your baby looks just about perfect right now."

"Oh, it's waving at me." She squealed. "Look Dad."

"I can see. It's beautiful isn't it? How lucky are you?"

"This is amazing. I love it so much."

"Okay, let's take a listen." Dr Webber turned up the volume. "Can you hear that?"

Lola nodded. "What's that?"

"That's your baby's heartbeat. Nice and strong and fast."

She held her hand on her chest. "Does my heart beat that fast?"

"No, not that fast, while the baby is growing it beats very fast and even when the baby is born it's heart will beat much faster than yours does now. When you were born your heart was like this but it does slow down."

They looked at the baby's feet and hands and Lola was in awe. She just kept saying 'wow'.

After the appointment they stopped at a café with Lola before Sam headed back to work and Polly took her back to school. "Did you like that?" Polly asked her.

"It was amazing. I love my bug." She had asked the Dr Webber if she could tell them if it was a boy or girl and was disappointed when they told her that Mom and Dad didn't want to know.

"Are you happy?"

"Yes, so happy. I loved it. Why don't you want to know if it's a boy or a girl?" Both of them were enjoying spending time with just Lola. They often didn't get out with just her, not together anyway. As best they could they would spend time individually with each of their kids but it wasn't often both of them with just one of them.

"We like to be surprised. Don't you want to be surprised?"

"Yes, but I want to buy bug a present. I can't if I don't know."

"Of course you can. How about we go get something on the way back to school?" They were keeping her out until lunchtime and Lola just seemed to love being with her parents. "Daddy's got to go to work soon but we can go shopping quickly."

It was the best thing they did for Lola and she seemed so engaged with the pregnancy now and by the time she got home from school she had told her teacher, Mae and Alfie all about it. Now she was begging to call MiMi and Pops to tell them.

"Hi Pops." Adam was free to chat when Polly messaged him. He was still settling in with a coffee when Lola called him.

"Lola Bear. I heard that you had a very exciting day?"

"I did. I got to see Bug today. Mom and Dad took me to the Doctors."

"And?"

"It looks a little funny but it waved at me."

"Really?" This was Lola's day, she was finding it hard to sit still long enough to talk to her Pops, and she was up and down out of the seat like a yoyo. "Tell me, is it a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know. Mom and Dad don't want to know. I want to know."

"Me to Lola Bear, me too." Adam wasn't surprised that Polly and Sam didn't find out what they were having. Even though they knew with Alfie they didn't tell anyone so he wouldn't be surprised if they did know and were just pretending.

"I think it's a sister."

"Why?"

"Because its been nice to Mom" Adam couldn't argue with that. Everyone was relieved that Polly didn't suffer with hyperemesis again; it would have ruined Kim. They had decided that it was a girl as well because she was doing so well. Polly had already sent her parents and Sam's Mom the video from the appointment and they loved getting them, they also took a photo of Lola standing up beside her Mom watching the screen. It was hard being so far away through this pregnancy, it was hard enough being so far away from them at all.

They didn't get to talk to MiMi so they promised to call back during Sunday night dinner, fortunately it was a public holiday for them on the Monday so they all got to talk to everyone. Polly did like that they still did the family dinner and she often got to talk to her brother as well which was always a treat but generally it was just Polly, the kids were often at school and Sam was at work when they caught up. They communicated a lot by text, Gus's shifts made it hard to catch up to often.

"Bus, Bus." Mae was leaping out of her skin. "Where's Viv?" He was used to being pushed aside for his three year old daughter Vivienne now. Mae just adored her; she was always making Polly send pictures and cards that Mae had drawn for her. They weren't quite sure why Mae had attached herself to Viv, perhaps because they were like a carbon copy of each other. They looked a little similar but it was their personalities that were alike. They were sensitive little souls with a shit load of spunk. Viv was very attached to her Daddy and loved cuddling up to him like Mae did to Sam.

"She's right here." He helped his daughter up on his lap and although Viv didn't talk much, she couldn't quite figure out the video call thing but she loved seeing everyone. "How are you Mae? How's school?"

"Good. We learned about plurals. We are going to call the bug Mabels. That means two. Two Mabels."

"Really? What do Mom and Dad think about that?"

"I haven't told them yet." She bought her face close to the screen and whispered. "Don't tell them, it's a surprise. Lola says it's ridiculous." Gus just laughed; it was very typically Mae.

Lola breezed in to tell anyone who would listen about the bug and being able to see it. It's head seemed to have grown overnight according to Lola and by her graphic description of it's giant head Sam cringed a little at the thought of what that would do to his poor wife. Polly looked a little uncomfortable too.

"So you want to hear my news?" Gus waited until everyone was there, well except Alfie he'd wandered off already but Polly and Sam were with the girls, Adam and Kim were there and Rhiannon had joined them. Polly was desperately hoping that this was going to be another pregnancy announcement.

It was no secret that they were struggling to fall pregnant. It had taken them awhile with Viv, and fortunately once Rhiannon was pregnant it was a smooth pregnancy right up until Viv's dramatic entrance into the world in the front seat of Polly's car half way to the hospital with Polly's three kids screaming in the back seat but they had been trying for almost a year now for another baby so it stung when Polly announced another pregnancy, that they hadn't planned and after Sam's vasectomy.

It was always a bit of the elephant in the room. Rhiannon and Polly had a long talk about it where Polly kept apologising for upsetting her. It didn't make Polly feel any better when Rhiannon begged her not to worry about it so now they were desperate for Rhiannon to fall pregnant but they didn't talk about it anymore. Despite all that Rhiannon and Gus were really happy for Polly and Sam. "Am I going to like it?"

"Well a little bit from column A and a little bit from Column B." Gus teased her. "Well a spot opened up in IU and I am heading to Intelligence at the end of the year."

"But, I didn't think…." It suddenly sunk it. "…wait. What spot?"

"The old bastard is finally retiring and giving up his spot."

"OMG really, that's perfect. Well not you going to IU though, I want you to be a desk jockey somewhere but I know this is what you want. Congratulations." It wasn't the news that Polly wanted but it was still great news. She had begged her Dad to retire, he didn't need to work anymore, he'd done his bit for Chicago and it was now time to enjoy life with their Mom.

Many years ago Adam had talked about how they sometimes wished that they had more time at the start to travel and do things together before they had kids, now was the chance to do that. If he retired they could do whatever they wanted, Kim was waiting for him.

"I know. You and Mom are exactly the same."

Polly was delighted that her Dad was retiring; apparently their planned trip out at Christmas for the baby was the final push that Adam needed. It had always been Gus's dream to be in IU, he had done his time like his Dad had told him too but he had never taken his eye off the prize of following his Dad's footsteps right down to working in IU.

Gus's dreams were coming true, now all he needed was to give Vivienne a sibling and for his sister and her family to come home. Then he'd be happy.


	59. World War Three

**_All hands on deck._**

 ** _We always love our kids; they amaze us everyday. We want to be in their lives to watch them grown, learn, discover and laugh. We don't want to miss a thing._**

 ** _Some days though…fuck they are hard to like._**

 ** _Yesterday, we wanted to sell them. Like seriously if it wasn't illegal, immoral and just plain wrong we probably would have run the gauntlet and tried to find a good deal for them. We would try and sell them as a package, mainly because splitting them up would make us feel bad and they might miss each other._**

 ** _You kind of know what sort of day you are going to have by mid way through breakfast. We can gauge their moods, do some sneaky behaviour modification techniques and avert disaster most days. But you need to be caffeinated to give yourself the best chance for success._**

 ** _Today, it had all gone to shit before the first cup of coffee was brewed. For me anyway, Polly can't have the stuff right now, the Bug doesn't need caffeine to get it's groove on, it spends about 26 hours a day kicking up a storm and we hope like hell this is not a sign of things to come. If we hadn't seen the ultrasound video of the one baby I'd swear Polly was harbouring about 40 of them in there with the amount of activity she is constantly whinging about. This too is my fault and I am okay with that. I know everything is my fault, including the weather. It is just easier this way._**

 ** _No, today, today….it wasn't good._**

 ** _The GB woke up happy, which isn't unusual for her, she is our morning person, a tad annoying some days but preferable to the other one. Today she'd had a good dream about LZ and the bug and thought she'd share it. Problem with that is that LZ has an issue with mornings…the issue is, she just doesn't fucking like them and can often be rather unpleasant if she is woken up before she is ready, dare I say, like her mother._**

 ** _So having your sister in your face when you much prefer to wake up in your own good time didn't auger well for the rest of the day._**

 ** _TT, not to be outdone for some reason decided that taunting his sister by jumping on her bed when she was busy telling GB to sod off ended up with him taking a header off the bed. So he's crying, GB is lecturing LZ on how she hurt him, she really does love her brother and it's heart warming to know two of our children actually like each other and LZ is screaming at us to 'control our feral children'. Obviously she does not include herself in that group._**

 ** _It was 6am, 6 fucking am on a Sunday._**

 ** _Illegal child trafficking agencies don't work at 6am on a Sunday; they are all at church. We know this because we've checked before._**

 ** _Polly had been up all night because the aforementioned 40 foetuses are having a party on her bladder. Also she's pissed with me because I tried to hit on her last night. I mean come on; I am not a monk. The damage has been done; surely I could get a few away before I enter the monastery once the Bug is expelled. I think, I can't quite remember my rejection speech word for word but it involved something along the lines of 'knowing my fucking luck by some random freak of nature I will have released a over eager egg and your sneaky devious little fuckers will be lurking in dark corners to fuck me over and I'll be pregnant for another nine months.' I'm pretty sure from my, albeit rusty high school education that this is impossible and I tell her this. This, I will admit was a mistake on my behalf, my two word sentence should have started and ended with I'm sorry._**

 ** _So that meant I had to deal with world war three and at 6 fucking AM and I am not at my best especially after being rejected half a dozen times the previous night, my ego was battered but I didn't give up, this is why were are apparently 'eagerly' awaiting baby number four. I am nothing but persistent, like a mosquito in the middle of the night._**

 ** _Never said I was smart either and I will admit that my not so subtle attempt to get Polly to climb on board the Sam train at 2am when she got up to use the dunny was probably an almost fatal mistake. I think I was hoping that she'd be half asleep and not realise what I was doing, but my wife is smart, smarter than me. It was almost a return of the pillow wall, if she could be bothered getting up to steal the pillows from the kids. Lucky for them she was tired._**

 ** _So the peace mission I was unceremoniously sent on, I am assuming that's what the flying fist to the chest meant, was destined to fail. It failed spectacularly and now everyone is crying. Including me._**

 ** _It's 630am and I have three crying children and an angry crying pissed off wife. When Dad makes the offspring cry they seek shelter from their mother and she was in no mood to deal with them. (Because she's not a morning person either and she's pregnant and the bug is annoying her right now with all it's activity, which conveniently occurs between midnight and five am …and I tried to touch her.)_**

 ** _Happy fucking Sunday._**

 ** _We love weekends. They are the best._**

 ** _Lunchtime update_** ** _– LZ has thawed out and forgiven GB for waking her up and has insisted on hearing the story of her dream several times, no doubt because it was about her, GB got sick of telling her over and over again and is currently fussing over her Mom who is tired and cranky, probably due to being awake most of the night – not having sex btw and TT…he's a boy so you know how this sentence ends._**

 ** _Evening Update_** ** _– this is my favourite photo ever. We've decided to keep all of them._**

It was a picture of Polly lying out on the back lawn with her belly exposed and all three of the kids were kneeling around her and their hands were all on her belly, it was a beautiful and it made him choke up a little. It was pure love and joy and it was his world in one photo.

Sam had caught the exact moment that they all felt the baby move. It was a one in a million shot and when he showed it to Polly she got a little emotional. It was quickly sent to the other side of the world and Lola kept asking to look at it, she wanted it printed out and put in a frame in her bedroom.

One thing they do love is that everyday Polly lets them talk to the Bug. They can say whatever they want and Polly is often left laughing. Capturing some of them on video Sam will make up small movies to send to the grandparents each week. They love them and the plan is to make longer movie once the baby is born. 'A Bug's Life' seems to be the title of choice at the moment.

Mae told the bug today that it was Halloween soon and she had grand plans to decorate the whole house and she wanted to dress up as a pumpkin, with fangs and green hair. She was going to write a list for Mommy to go shopping and help Daddy decorate the house. She wanted to bake biscuits and make green jelly with lolly snakes in it. "Snakes in green slime" to give out to all the kids who came trick or treating.

"How many do you want to make?" Halloween wasn't exactly a big thing here. Not like at home and they didn't really mind that, it meant minimal effort was required but somehow this year Mae decided they were going all out. Just what Polly wanted to be doing right now, she was contemplating going away for a few days just to avoid the whole shooting match.

"Four hundred."

"We can't make four hundred Monkey."

"Too many?"

"Way too many. Remember last year, we only had a few people come visiting."

"But if they know they can get snakes in green slime they might come?"

When Alfie got a few minutes alone with his Mom it was very cute and Sam did capture some of it on video. He lifted up her shirt and had one of his trains and gently ran it over her stomach, going around and around her bellybutton. "What you doing Alfie?" Sam asked him.

"Playing with my bug." He looked at his Mom quickly. "Does bug like it?"

"It does, I can feel bug moving." They were very careful not to use 'he' or 'she' when talking about the baby because the three of them could get into a fight over it. _'See I told you it was a girl….nuh ah, it's a boy Daddy said he..'_

"Hello bug. This is my train, it's red and it's called James, he's Thomas's friend."

Sam was watching his wife; she looked serene. Alfie was being gentle and the rolling of the train over her belly was obviously calming. That, and she just adored her boy. He may not really understand what was going on with his Mom beyond she had a little baby in her belly but he was in love with it. They wondered if he felt some deep connection to the baby, of course he couldn't explain it but while the girls loved it Alfie was obsessed with it. He was always touching Polly, he'd rest his head on her belly or find a way to touch it and couldn't go to bed unless he'd kissed it goodnight.

Polly grabbed his hand and held it against one side and the smile that lit up both their faces was insanely beautiful. Bug kicked against his hand and he was in heaven and Polly was in love with how happy Alfie looked.

Lola had made up a song to sing to her bug. Ever since they took her to the appointment she had got on board big time. It helped that Polly felt really good now and the middle few months of the pregnancy were quite easy. She wasn't too big it was uncomfortable, she felt full of energy and the bug was making it's presence felt but still had plenty of room. Sam loved these few months, well he had with Lola and Mae anyway and after missing out with Alfie it was nice to be enjoying them again. Polly was very affectionate and loved his attention. They were enjoying each other right now.

 _'Now pretty bug, I've got a song for you, my pretty pretty bug.. Are you gonna be a prince or princess, I don't know… A princess would be so pretty, you can wear flowers in your hair… you'd be a handsome prince like Daddy, Mommy really loves him so…'_

She also gave her Mom a massage. Sam told them that he was a little jealous because he loved massaging her belly and Lola laughed at him and his dramatic pouting.

As Sam was massaging her later than night she assured him that his massages were the best because of the happy ending she often got.


	60. Bunnings

**_The Big Green Shed._**

 ** _It is what it is; a big green shed yet people all over this country flock to them by the thousands every weekend like it's a religion._**

 ** _And it's all about the sausages._**

 ** _It is a place that has a lot of our money, you buy shit you don't need, don't know how to use or don't want to use. It also lures you in with lush green plants that die within moments of crossing our threshold. We can successfully keep three and a bit children alive but an indoor plant….not a fucking hope in hell._**

 ** _It's all about the sausages though._**

 ** _This place has an obsession with sausages, the whole country that is. I mean they have compulsory voting here for elections and yet the biggest talking point is whether you can get to a polling booth for a 'democracy sausage.' Local schools become polling booths and P & C groups make a motza on the sausage sizzle set up outside. Who cares who wins the election and runs the country? Did you get your sausage?_**

 ** _Back the Green Shed, some may call them hotdogs, but they are sausages, cooked on a bbq under an oversized umbrella in the car park and you order by some secret code. 'With or without' that's all you need to say. How many do you want with and how many without, simple, right?_**

 ** _The first time we attempted this you may as well put a flashing neon sign above our heads that said 'dumb Americans.'_**

 ** _"Can we get five hot dogs with ketchup?"_**

 ** _"Umm what, no. Five sausages? With or without?"_**

 ** _"With or without what?" By now the crowd is building, people are getting pushy, people are muttering and the pressure is mounting, this is a serious business and we are fucking it up. Some come for their sausage before they venture inside so the hands are empty, other's, like us stop on the way out. You are juggling all manner of shit you don't need, a plant that is already dying and they want to know if you want it with or without?_**

 ** _With or without what? What the fuck is going on?_**

 ** _"Can I get a soda?" LZ pipes up unhelpfully._**

 ** _"A what?" The slightly bemused and increasingly annoyed woman barks at us as she starts to take orders from the angry mob behind us. With or without?_**

 ** _"No, no soda and without, I'll have five without." I don't know what I am ordering but I am under pressure so 'without' seems like a safe option. It's a panic buy._**

 ** _Unceremoniously five bread buns with five sausages and dumped in front of a row of tomato sauce, mustard, bbq sauce and chilli sauce. Oh so without ketchup? No, apparently not, you can add whatever you like from here, just do it quickly and get out of the way. Are you still here? You are fucking it up for everyone._**

 ** _We watch dumbfounded as someone orders one with… onions. Cooked of course on the bbq. I am relieved we went without. It's a frenzy of activity, balancing crap, loading up with sauce, because it's not ketchup here, it's tomato sauce or 'dead horse' and getting everyone and everything to the car, including the already dying plant. These Aussies make this look simple, us, well we are the bloody Americans who have no clue and it's a clusterfuck._**

 ** _Then I eat four of the bloody things, because surprise, surprise they don't like it. So the following week I just get one and then end up with nothing because one of them decides it really isn't so bad. So a month into this experiment we can't keep them away…as long as it comes without. Two years later no one even notices the dumb Americans any more._**

 ** _Of the many things we come home with the worm farm was the most epic. We love that they take an interest in the world and their environment. It would be hard not to as we spend a lot of time talking about it in regards to making sure we protect the environment for all animals. So when LZ lectures me, after being sucked in by a 'talk' at the Big Green Shed about sustainability and worm farming it is no surprise I've given in and we are the proud new owners of a worm café._**

 ** _GB bursts into tears at the thought of all those worms living in a box on the shelf and she wants to buy them all, all twenty boxes of them. That's a lot of worms. We rescue 'one' box of the critters and she begs to go back next week to check on the rest of them and actually stands there and talks to them. It's cute with her weird little half American half Australian accent and people think she's nuts. Of course I video it for her 21_** ** _st_** ** _birthday._**

 ** _The wife is not amused. "We can name them?" GB declares when she sees her mother's lack of excitement. She's all up in the worms business. This is a great life experience for them, it will teach them responsibility I declare and my wife is still not amused._**

 ** _"There are 500 of them."_**

 ** _Never fear GB comes back with a list hours later, and then another one the next day and two more follow. It's pinned on the message board. Clarence is our favourite. We start diverting our own vegetables into the worm farm and one day have to make a special trip to the supermarket to buy them dinner. It's a serious business this worm farming and the responsibility is immense and for a good two weeks GB is a very dedicated worm farmer and then...more on that later._**

 ** _Now back to the sausage thing. It's all for a good cause. For a couple of bucks you get to support a local sporting association, scout group, dance troupe, school music trip or volunteer fire brigade. Seems like a good thing and we've donated A LOT._**

 ** _We've got our shit together now; I can confidently order one with and three without and I feel cocky, I mean we are practically Aussies now. The pregnant one is at home, feet up enjoying the peace and quiet. Sleeping has been a bit hit and miss this week or so she tells me, she seems asleep every time I come to bed and try to touch her._**

 ** _But as is the norm with this mob one-day things just go to shit. When things are going well we just wait and eventually the tide turns, quite spectacularly sometimes. Friends of ours described their own version of hell and called it the "Fuckening' when things inexplicably turn to shit and then you realise that you are not surprised because you have been waiting for this moment all day. We have adopted the phrase; it seems appropriate for our circus tent. The challenging bit is picking which one of them is likely to cause it on any given day…on a really bad day it's all three of them, this is known as a three alarm 'Fuckening' but some days it just a one alarm and it comes from nowhere…_**

 ** _Today LZ started it. She wanted one 'with'…GB actually gasped._**

 ** _"You don't like onions?"_**

 ** _"I do."_**

 ** _"Since when?"_**

 ** _"I like them, we had them at school." I have my doubts; she's a bit hazy on the details when I question her but whatever._**

 ** _"I'm not eating it if you don't like it." She assures me that she wants it, she likes it and she will eat it. So we get two with, two without. I put my faith in my firstborn and I probably shouldn't have._**

 ** _TT practically inhales his. I love my son; he'd eat the crutch out of a low flying duck…as long as it is 'without'._**

 ** _LZ clutches her sausage as we head for the front doors. We've figured out it's easier to eat on the way in instead of the way out. Eating on the way out is for newbies; we are seasoned Bunnings sausage shoppers now._**

 ** _GB acts like I've deliberately tried to poison her. "It's got stuff on it." she wails and I appreciate the knowing smiles I get from people around me, this is not the first time this has happened. Calmly I pick off the tiny random offending piece of onion that is barely discernable to the naked eye. I hand it back to her and I am not sure she is convinced as she inspects it thoroughly before tentatively taking a bite. Things are back on track. We are good to go, the 'Fuckening' has been cut off at the pass. I almost high five the next parent who walks past…_**

 ** _But…_**

 ** _LZ is still clutching hers._**

 ** _"What's wrong?"_**

 ** _Then the tears start. "I don't like it."_**

 ** _"You said you wanted it."_**

 ** _"It tastes funny."_**

 ** _"I'll take it off." Meticulously I pick off every single piece of the charred vegetable and I can still see the tears brimming in her eyes as I hand it back. I'm no longer feeling confident that the 'Fuckening' has been averted but we push on._**

 ** _Ten minutes later, we are in the worm aisle where GB is talking to Clarence's friends. She is tearfully telling them that Clarence and family died in the great flood. GB had seen me flushing them out so decided to help, she filled them up with water, neglected to tell us or open the tap so they could drain and a heavy rain two days later finished off those few clutching to the roof for dear life._**

 ** _We are standing there as GB is now apologising to the worm boxes because her Daddy is a tyrant and they are not allowed to buy any more worms. I am amused by the tyrant comment, the video is a little shaky as I try not to laugh, her 21_** ** _st_** ** _video is quickly turning into turn into a feature length movie and LZ is still clutching the bloody sausage._**

 ** _"What now?"_**

 ** _"I can still taste it."_**

 ** _The hissing sound I make sends her over the edge. And there it is…The 'Fuckening'._**

 ** _So I consume my second sausage. TT is wearing empty plant pots like helmets, which of course gets stuck and he's carrying on like a pork chop, GB is unhelpful to say the least as she whips herself into a frenzy because TT ears are going to come off and there will be blood. Things have escalated at an alarming rate and LZ is still crying because she still wants one without and she's hungry and despite GB's assertion I am not quite the tyrant she makes me out to be and back we go outside for another one WITHOUT._**

 ** _GB also now reminds LZ that it is her fault that Daddy is grumpy, TT is still whinging about his ears and LZ gags on her sausage because she's still sobbing._**

 ** _We LOVE going to Bunnings….It's the place we buy things that die and eat sausages…without fucking onions._**

Lola was still not happy when they got home.

"What's wrong? What did you do?" Polly directed the first question to Lola and the second one to Sam, barely drawing breath between the two.

"Don't blame me your daughter is a flake."

Lola was strangely quiet as she got a hug from her Mom so Mae happily filled in the gaps. "Daddy was cross. Lola wanted onions but she doesn't like them."

"I wanted to try them." Lola suddenly found her voice. "Shut up Mabel."

Sam just threw his hands in the air and walked outside followed by his latest shadow. Alfie was all about his Dad right now. His ears are a little red but Sam had already sent Polly and entertaining and ranty message and photo so she knew better than to ask. The message not so politely told her that he was in the midst of a three-alarm event. That was all that needed to be said really. She would get the details later.

"What did Daddy say?"

"He got me one with onions but I didn't like it, I tried it and he took them off and then it was still yuck so he bought me another one."

"Okay? Then why are you upset? You had a sausage right?"

"Because she's a flip flopper." Mae offered up unhelpfully. She could be a right royal bitch some days and today was one of them.

"Enough Mae. If you can't be nice you can go outside."

"I made Dad mad."

"Dad is not mad Lola, he was probably a little frustrated that's all." She pulled Lola in for a hug. "What did Dad buy today?"

"More lights." Sam had decided that he needed more fairy lights in the front yard. Other people in the street had gone to town on the lights for Christmas and he had chosen this year to jump on the bandwagon. They also were having a street party and he didn't want to be the odd house out. "He didn't want to miss out." There were still a couple of months to go. "He's ridiculous."

"Yes he is."

When Polly looked outside Alfie was two foot up his Dad's backside as he was planting a few seedlings. They were getting better at the Vegie garden. It was a bit of a novelty the fact you could actually grow things outside all year around. The kids loved going out to pick tomatoes, lettuce and cucumbers fresh for dinner. Alfie was holding the punnet for him and Polly had no idea what he was saying but he was chatting away to his Dad.

He was so patient with Alfie and while he loved spending time with all of them Polly could see he really enjoyed being with Alfie right now. Girls surrounded them all the time so it was nice to watch her two favourite boys together.

Alfie was so cute as he crouched down like his Dad and his face was alight. If Sam loved being with Alfie, her son adored his Dad. He could be a Mommy's boy and he did love to cuddle up to his Mom when he was tired, grumpy or unwell but if he was up and about he wanted to be with his Dad.

He had the same dark hair as Sam and beautiful big brown eyes; they were Polly's shape but his Dad's colour. His skin was a little tanned, the benefit of Sam's slightly darker skin tone and living in a warmer country. Although they covered them with sunscreen religiously he tanned easily, as did Sam.

If seeing Sam love his girls melted her heart, whenever she saw Alfie holding his Dad's hand and staring up at him like he was a god it did her in. Those boys owned her.

Filling up their water bottles she took them out a drink. "Hey Baby." Sam straightened up and gratefully accepted the bottle of water. "Where are the girls?"

"Inside deciding what we are going to cook this afternoon." Polly had promised to do some baking with them today and they hadn't forgotten. The whole onion thing was well and truly in the past.

"Oh goody." What was a Sunday afternoon if it didn't involve eating dry burnt cakes or biscuits? They loved doing it, they weren't great at it but it was always ended with an afternoon tea with all of them and that was worth eating inedible food for.

Polly squatted down and handed Alfie his drink. Sam wondered how much longer she would be able to do that; she was definitely getting bigger earlier than the others. Apparently this was not uncommon because her tendons and muscles had been stretched before. That news wasn't pleasantly received. "What you doing buddy?"

"Helping Daddy plant the lettuce." He was so proud of their little garden which probably had more to do with the fact that Sam would always be down there looking at it with Alfie or they were working in it together. Without a doubt the only reason Alfie loved it so much because it meant time with his Dad. "Look at out corn, it's bigger than me, it's gonna be bigger than Dad."

As well as a family day it was also Sunday Funday, something Sam had never forgotten and while she got the odd leave pass when they'd been out all day and Polly was tired tonight wasn't going to be one of them.

He loved how she got a little bounce in her step on a Sunday night. The kids always went to bed early…you know for school and they would have a glass of wine together, although Polly was not drinking now and cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie or binge watch a TV show.

Sam had his head on her belly, having lifted her shirt up and talked to his bug. "Hey little one, what you thinking about? I tell you what I am thinking about. I am thinking how beautiful your Mom looks right now, she looks calm and peaceful and so fucking sexy. She's turning me on a little."

"Do you have too?"

Polly could feel Sam smiling against her skin, his rough stubble tickling her sensitive belly and she did like it, a lot.

"Oh Baby. You like it." His hand started to roam and Polly had no intention of stopping him or his sweet kisses. "You know what I feel like?"

"Let me guess?"

"A bath, with you." It had been a warmish day so they wouldn't need to have a hot bath. Polly couldn't have them right now but a warm bath, with Sam wrapped around her would be perfect. They were probably running out of time to be able to both comfortably get in the bath together. Polly wasn't exactly graceful getting in and out of the bath at the moment and Sam had to help her.

He knew she'd probably sleep through most of it and he didn't mind. He was happy to make sure she was warm and comfortable and gently stroke his baby belly with her head tucked up on his shoulder. The quiet was nice with just the sound of water trickling over her stomach as Sam scooped it up, only a lamp from their bedroom lighting the room and not a sound from any their brood.

Polly didn't fall asleep though; she talked to Sam instead about names and whether he wanted a boy or girl. They hadn't really touched on it yet, not seriously anyway. "I remember asking you if you wanted a boy or girl when I was pregnant with Lola."

"Do you?"

"You gave me a long list of pros and cons for both, I think I know where Mae gets her list writing from?" Polly chuckled and Sam loved how her belly jiggled with her.

"If you'd asked me that day if we'd be sitting her talking about number four I would have told you you were nuts." Sam kissed her temple. "I would have asked who you were having all these babies with?"

"You never wanted to be a father of four?"

"No, but now I can't wait and they are with you so that's awesome." Sam waited for Polly to get herself into a comfortable position, it wasn't great for him but that was okay. "I know you get that I would love another boy, just to round them out but I have a suspicion it's a girl."

"Really?" Polly wriggled one arm under the water and wrapped it around Sam's leg and began running her fingers over his thigh. "Funny, I think it's a boy. If feels like Alfie."

"Without all the spewing. What do you mean it feels like Alfie?" Sam loved talking to Polly about things like this, how it felt to have a baby growing and moving inside her, it fascinated him.

"Alfie was always this side." She pointed to her left side. "Like he was always pushing and kicking me on that side and this one feels the same. Some days I just want them to move to give me a break. I was poking it earlier trying to get it to wriggle over."

"Did it?"

"No, stubborn as a mule."

"Obviously a girl then. Those two are stubborn little darlings most days."

"And Alfie's not?"

"He's a mommy's boy."

"So he should be after what he did to me." Sam couldn't argue with that, he put them through hell. "Girl's names?"

"Nothing, I can't think of anything. Can you?" While he thought it was a girl he couldn't think of one girls name that he really liked. They had a bit of a theme going, without really trying they went old-fashioned. It only really happened once they had Mabel. Now they were stuck.

"Nope. You know Mae has a list though? Lola was telling me she wants to call it Mabels, like two Mabel's. So we'd have Mabel and Mabels."

"What actually goes on in her head?"

"I'm too scared to ask." Polly grabbed Sam's hand suddenly and held it against her belly. Whatever was going on in there right now it was intense.

"Whoa, Bug calm down, it's like it's doing laps."

"Boy." Polly teased him as they watched and felt all the carry on.

"Okay, if it is a boy then best I teach him how to love his woman." Polly smiled as she rolled her head to the side and let Sam start kissing her neck. "Serious business."

They really did love Sunday Funday.


	61. Little Shop of Horrors

**_Little Shop of Horrors…_**

 ** _We always thought we were a strong united couple when it came to raising our kids, we weren't going to be sucked in to the latest trends, our kids would be individuals not sheep. Sadly our kids didn't get that memo, and they are stronger, more persistent and more determined than us and they outnumber us._**

 ** _One of the bloody marketing behemoth supermarkets over here has had success with these 'Little shop' promotions. Basically you spend $30 and you get a free miniature grocery item. And when I say miniature think Lego size. And by free I mean $30 worth of free, and man are they strict, you spend $29.99 and this harsh vest wearing, bag toting checkout sergeant-major barks 'no miniature for you'._**

 ** _Suddenly our kids can count, they know what $30 is, and they watch the register and kindly point out that you haven't spent enough. Even if you are going in for just milk, it costs you a couple of bucks and then another $25 bucks on shit you don't need all because of this ridiculous promotion. They beg all our non-child toting friends to shop at this supermarket and spend $30 bucks; we've had to stop taking them out to visit people. It's started fights all over the country, it's banned in schools, supermarkets aisles become sociable as parents speak in hushed tones trying to organise a trade, and car parks are clandestine meeting points and when someone organises a 'swap meet' all fucking hell breaks loose. I mean they have to hire security guards._**

 ** _Anyway we've been sucked in, because they have beaten us into submission and we are weak and now we have what seems like 40 miniature bunches of plastic bananas, 400 mini detergent bottles and no bloody toothpaste. It's getting a little tense in the house and suddenly we have three very willing volunteers to go shopping when barely a month ago you couldn't get them to go with a crowbar._**

 ** _Remember the Lego thing…yep stepping on these little suckers hurts like all get out. They've been put on notice, with the Bug coming they need to learn that small things will end up in the baby's mouth and that is dangerous so they need to be careful. This advice was duly ignored, every day we escalated the level of warning. Today was DefCon 1…'if I step on one more of them I will suck them up the vacuum cleaner'_**

 ** _I stepped on one and I followed through…out came the vacuum cleaner and when they came back inside they asked were they were and I showed them, trapped inside the barrel of the cleaner. Seriously those see through vacuum cleaners were surely made to assist parents in their blackmail, I love them._**

 ** _So, the cops came._**

 ** _The neighbours reported the screaming…just kidding…about the cops, not the screaming, that happened along with wailing, begging, pleading, blaming, naming and shaming, it was all there. If a bus had driven by someone was going to be under it._**

 ** _Have they learnt a lesson, of course they fucking haven't. Their mother has just stepped on a friggin' bunch of bananas._**

 ** _It was a sight to behold._**

 ** _Out came the vacuum cleaner._**

 ** _No one is talking to anyone._**

 ** _Things didn't get better, in fact we hit rock bottom a few days later. We had a three alarm fully-fledged 'Fuckening'. Why is it these things rarely happen at home, it's always in full view of the judgemental public. We have considered just walking away and leaving them to sort it out themselves, apparently this is frowned upon by some._**

 ** _We went shoe shopping…_**

 ** _It is a fucking nightmare. It's hell on earth. Worse than a root canal without the drugs._**

 ** _But no, we go out in public with them._**

 ** _What is wrong with them? Like seriously, they are behaving like idiots. From the moment we get in the car it's horrible. No one wants to sit near anyone, there is touching going on, someone looked at someone funny, water was split, shoes came off, the music is too loud, then they can't hear, the song is annoying and on and on it goes. Smart people would abort the mission, but no, not us we are not smart people. They need new shoes so we plough on and it was a mistake._**

 ** _Polly actually cries, in the middle of the store, she just bursts into tears. It's epic and it actually makes them stop for a second, but only a second. The lovely sales assistant does not know what to do or where to look, neither do I really because quite frankly I feel like crying too._**

 ** _The offspring are whinging and to put it mildly they are just horrible children right now. "Now look what you've done." I can hear my own mother's voice come out as I point at their weeping mother. She's overly emotional anyway being seven months pregnant and having them scrapping, bitching, whinging, crying, sulking and just being giant PITA is the straw that broke the camels back. "You've made your mother cry."_**

 ** _"I did not." LZ argues. In her opinion it's clearly not her fault and she has no hesitation in throwing the other two under the nearest bus._**

 ** _"Well you started it." GB is having none of it, which is not uncommon for her; she stands up for herself this one. It's just that she is not particularly nice when she's doing it. "You wanted those ugly shoes with the clip cloppy heels." GB had screwed her nose up at them right from the start and when Polly said no she had actually laughed at her sister. "Mum said no."_**

 ** _"At least I don't want baby shoes." This was going so well._**

 ** _LZ thinks all the shoes are ugly, except for the ones with clip cloppy heels. GB doesn't think any of the sandals have enough glitter on them and TT's major complaint is they feel funny._**

 ** _"Where does it feel funny?"_**

 ** _"Everywhere." He's just whiny and arguing with him is an exercise in futility but I can't help myself. I'm annoyed at them for making their mother cry and they are not going to beat us, we are adults for fucks sake we are smarter than them. "They cover my toes."_**

 ** _"They are supposed to cover your toes."_**

 ** _"My toes don't like it. GB's don't cover her toes."_**

 ** _"So you want pink sparkly sandals with glitter and butterfly's on them?"_**

 ** _"No."_**

 ** _Now this had all happened after lunch. Even that had been teetering on the edge, we could feel it spiralling but once you've got them out you may as well plough on, there is no guarantee that the next time will be any better so just rip the Band-Aid off and keep going._**

 ** _Then GB stole one of TT's chips and you'd think she'd ripped off his arm. LZ didn't like her choice; she'd chosen sushi. Now usually she loves the stuff and we are always happy to get it for her. It's better than the 'chips' that TT is obsessed with. Except today they weren't 'fresh' enough and they'd used 'different' rice._**

 ** _GB had a wrap and that was great until the great chip theft. TT was being irrational, she only took one but it was enough to send him off the deep end._**

 ** _I see Polly just close her eyes, she is probably trying to blink them away like in bewitched and I don't blame her. I'd do the same if I didn't think the sneaky shits wouldn't abscond in the Nano second if both of us were lured into thinking about our happy place._**

 ** _So the end of the all is, LZ has no new shoes, GB does and TT also has a new pair. We paid $30 for two litres of milk on the way home and we now have 41 fucking plastic miniature bananas._**

 ** _TT just rounds out the day perfectly. The first time he puts his new shoes on at home it's like we are doing that cruel foot binding torture thing. He's rolling around on the floor like he's possessed. Polly just walks away, heads upstairs and that's the last we see of her._**

 ** _"Is Mummy upset?"_**

 ** _I close my eyes. "Yes, yes she is."_**

 ** _"Is she crying?"_**

 ** _"Yes she is."_**

 ** _She's not alone._**

"Are they still here?" Sam opened the door quietly and bought Polly a Chamomile tea.

"They are." He smiled a little when Polly sighed and moved over a little as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "They are watching a movie and I told them if I heard one word they wouldn't be going to the beach later."

"Fuck Sam, they were horrible today."

"Yep." He rubbed her back gently. "You okay?"

"I'm tired." Polly couldn't stop a small sob escaping and Sam slid of the bed and knelt beside her and brushed her hair back from her forehead so he could kiss it and then rested his forehead on hers for a moment.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry they were horrid today. Stay here and have a sleep."

Polly reached for his hand when he got up. "I wish you could stay here with me."

"Baby, I promise you later it's just you and me."

"It's never just you and me anymore, it will never be just you and me again."

"My sweet sweet woman, I love you." Sam bent back down and kissed her cheek. "You rock my world."

He let her sleep for an hour while he tried to get the mob under control. Easier said than done, he did take them to the beach, just to get them out of the house and hopefully that would let Polly sleep a bit longer. "Is Mum coming?" Alfie is bouncing up and down by the door, the mere mention of beach and he suddenly has the ability to get ready in seconds. It takes him forever to get ready for school, not the beach though. The other two are dragging their heels, they have a drawer full of swimmers to choose from and they have long discussions about what to wear.

"No, Mum's not coming. She's sleeping."

"I want Mum to come, wake her up."

"No."

"Why not? I want Mum to come." Sam just sighed when Alfie threw himself on the floor in a fit of temper.

"Right. We are not going to the beach." Sam snatched it. He'd had enough of them today. His carry on and the equally pissed off sisters screeching and hollering bought Polly downstairs. She still looked tired and slightly annoyed.

"What is going on?"

Alfie's voice was wobbling. "I want go to the beach and Daddy said no."

"Why?"

"Because I was crying."

"Why?"

"Because I miss you Mummy." It burst out of him. "I love you."

Now didn't Sam feel like a prick? He worried about her picking him up but he was literally crawling up her leg. "I love you too Alfie but you need to listen to Daddy. You made him sad too."

"I want you to come to the beach."

"I'm sorry, not today. Mummy needs to rest, Bug is very tired too."

"Can I have rest with you?"

"No." Polly had literally had enough today and just didn't want them around. Alfie, although well intentioned was like a fart in a bottle if you tried to have a sleep with him. He thrashed about, talked and sang until he fell asleep and all the time he wanted to be an inch away from you. Polly just wanted to sleep and not deal with him, or any of them. She was playing the pregnancy card hard today and Sam had zero comeback.

He was unimpressed and Sam didn't really want to take him. He was whiny which annoyed his sisters but once they got there he perked up and had fun. Sam ran them ragged, he was going to tire them out come hell or high water and then they would go to bed early and they could enjoy some peace and quiet.

Sam was grumpy all night even telling Polly she had a lot of work to do to make it up to him and if she wasn't willing to put in the effort then she'd get nothing. "You promised earlier that it would be just you and me?" She stood with her hands on her hips in front of him as he tried to look around her to see the TV.

"So what? I lied."

"Well aren't you a fucking bag of sunshine."

"Yep." He sighed and pointed to the TV. "You are in my way."

"You know dickhead Sam is not my favourite person. We had dickhead children today, I really don't need you to follow suit." He was making her work, she saw the faint glint in his eye.

He was weak though, it didn't take much and the moment she ungracefully got on her knees he was putty in her hands. Polly had been his weakness for a long time and he really didn't mind.


	62. Ho Ho ucking Ho

**_Christmas….more like Crackmas._**

 ** _Why is it that Christmas is like giving your kids crack? Not that we would actually give them crack, drugs are bad but I think Santa slips some of that shit in the water at some stage about mid November and by Christmas day it's off the charts._**

 ** _BUT….this Christmas felt like they were on some extra top quality shit. Three things seemed to exacerbate this._**

 ** _1._** **** ** _Their mother is heavily pregnant, she's tired, cranky, her ankles are swollen and even the baby feels like it's on crack._**

 ** _2._** **** ** _Their Pops and MiMi arrived – that in itself was like giving them crack._**

 ** _3._** **** ** _Its 975 degrees here….it is INSANE._**

 ** _I mean even taking them to the beach is impossible after 10am because the sand is like molten glass; the tar on the road actually melts the soles of your thongs. Yes thongs on your feet, not those bits of string that go up your arse. We are Australians now; we wear thongs ON OUR FEET. And your skin burns to a crisp in mere seconds because we still have that lily white Chicago skin. The joys of living in a sunburnt country_**

 ** _Polly is way, way over being pregnant. She's spoken to the Bug several times about it's how it needs to stop the partying in the middle of the night, stop the piss farting around trying to find a comfortable position, I think it rotated itself three times this week and it needs to get out._**

 ** _It is like a scene from that ancient movie Alien; we were lying in bed the other night and watching in amazement as the Bug changed position, its insane. It never ceases to amaze me what the female human body can do, what my wife's body can do. There is not a hope in hell they are the weaker sex, if that shit was going on inside me all hell would break lose and we would only have one child, not 3.8._**

 ** _But it needs to vacate, it's been given notice. The demolition team has been booked, we are going for a two for one deal. They are rechecking my seal, Polly did offer to do it herself but I don't trust her with sharp instruments AT ALL, despite her insistence that she has done plenty of research and we are also cutting off the highway from Polly's ovaries to her uterus once this is all over. The factory is closing down, permanently. If this doesn't work our only other option is burning that joint to the ground._**

 ** _The heat isn't helping. Polly has this internal heating thing going on which only makes her even more pleasant to be around. She lies on the bed at night, under a fan stark naked. This is torture for me because of the no touching rule. I think she likes this; torturing me that is._**

 ** _They, the crack heads are not in school right now. So we have six weeks to entertain them, six fucking weeks and it feels like hell outside and they are crawling up the walls. It's too hot for Polly to go out constantly and they are at her like rabid dogs. I got home the other night to find a sign out the front offering 'children free to good homes'. It's going well so far, we've had several offers and we are working through them in due course._**

 ** _December, why does 31 days feel like 62?_**

 ** _Firstly, school has a Christmas Concert and obviously we go, it's what good parents do and after all each of them has a role to play in their class production. It really has SFA to do with Christmas though but we have three costumes to prepare. LZ decides she's going to be an emu, like that's fucking easy to create and her plans are grand. GB is a clown and Polly has a phobia of clowns so that goes down like a lead balloon and TT just needs to be dressed head to toe in purple, PURPLE what kid has purple anything? Not ours. And he has very specific ideas on what kind of purple it needs to be, very specific, like meltdown in the middle of the shopping centre with 3 million other people watching kind of specific._**

 ** _So three crackhead children, a heavily pregnant wife, 6000 mosquitos, 200 other screaming kids, a temperature that does not seem to want to drop below 30 degrees Celsius and some ridiculous rule that doesn't allow the consumption of alcohol on school property. This should be a hoot._**

 ** _TT goes first in all his purple glory, still not sure what the purple people eater has to be with Christmas but he rocks the joint, he's a show off and whether he was supposed to be up front the entire time we are not sure but judging by the frantic hand waving his teacher does we think not but he got white line fever and wasn't budging and once he is done he'd really like to go home because it's hot. Also the purple hair spray he insisted on is itchy so that makes him a joy to be around._**

 ** _Polly covers her eyes for most of GB's Greatest show on earth number but then again we already know it word for word because they have been practising, all of them, every fucking night for weeks...every single night after dinner we sit through a 'show'. We learn that she actively petitioned for the clown role so she needs a good stern talking to at home. This cannot happen again._**

 ** _LZ's masterpiece of a creation was an engineering feat, even if we will be finding feathers around the house for all eternity. I mean we had to have several staff meetings (we being her staff) about this outfit and got a detailed drawing, which had many amendments along the way and spent far too long in a horrific place called 'Spotlight' (it's a giant craft store) gathering supplies and I think she wanted to start charging for photos like those characters in Times Square. We should have let her; it might have recouped some of the cost. But she was an Emu and she was a bloody awesome one at that._**

 ** _I drag four tired and emotional people home way past everyone's bedtime and collapse on the couch too weak to crawl up to bed. I guzzle water trying to get some of that crack high my kids seem to be enjoying. I think it must be special kiddie crack because it isn't working._**

 ** _Then, they have this thing called the 'Myer Christmas Windows.' – now this day is quite frankly one of the worst days of our lives. 3 million equally browbeaten Melburnians chose this exact same day to make the annual pilgrimage to see the Christmas Windows. The first time Alfie gets squashed in the crowd he spits the chewy so Polly is left sitting in the sun with a traumatized child feeling every bit of 16mths pregnant. I do have to thank the wonderful people who bought her some water and found her some shade to sit in; they were amazing and kind and we appreciated it._**

 ** _Even the cops convinced TT to come say hello to their horses to give her a few minutes break. He starts telling them that his Pops is a cop, and being a cop in Chicago is a little more extreme that foot patrol in the Bourke St Mall at Christmas in Australia and TT is prone to exaggeration so eventually they bring him back and wish us luck._**

 ** _Not that the day was over…..oh god no. There is a photo with Santa to procure. Now we've pre-booked, this is recommended; the problem is they book in five-minute blocks so it backs up quicker than you can say Ho Fucking Ho. Five minutes? What kid ever spends five minutes brow beating Santa with their pleas for clemency? Our crackheads will need a good five minutes each, we try and warn them and beg them to keep it short because we don't want to be the people everyone in the queue behind us it talking about and they complain about the queue, the heat, they are hungry, thirsty, someone needs to pee (it's Polly, because the bug rotated itself last night and decided the most comfortable position is using her bladder for a trampoline), GB is clutching her list and then they get to the front of the line TT takes one look at Santa and drops his bundle._**

 ** _The photo is not the greatest. LZ is really on the fence about this Santa thing, she agrees to the photo because Grandma really wants one and she likes making people happy and her smiled is forced, GB is making sure he has read everything on her list, twice, because that's what the song says he does and TT is just standing a good metre away bawling his eyes out and looking pleadingly at us to save him. I mean we are down to two minutes, there isn't time to make this appear anything other than a disaster. They hand us the photo, smile awkwardly and wish us luck. Why do people keep wishing us luck, it's a little disconcerting to be honest._**

 ** _My kids are pretty hazy on telling the time. They know Pops and MiMi arrive at some stage but are not really interested in the finer details. So they are up at the crack of dawn asking to go to the airport the day they arrive. Telling them they have to wait four hours did not appease them and they were all in our bed…waiting and unless they are drugged they can't lie still to save themselves and then someone touches someone else and it's like we've thrown three rats in a sack. I mean it's a big bed but there are five of us, almost six so it stands to reason that someone has to leave. Fortunately that person is me and I see the envy in Polly's eyes. If only she wasn't 16mths pregnant she would have been out of that bed like a shot. I flee, whooping for joy and Polly barely speaks to me for the rest of the day._**

 ** _Pops and MiMi arrive with more suitcases than legally permitted. Every single person we have ever met has sent them with presents, for the crackheads and for the unborn Bug. I mean we have family bus and we left the angry pregnant one at home and we are struggling to fit everything and everyone in._**

 ** _One good thing about the In-laws arriving is the pressure it takes off Polly. She can sit back and relax a little and let her parents help out and her Mom is an expert fusser and has many many months of pent up fussing to get out._**

 ** _Her Dad just facilitates the crackheads wild pre-Christmas behaviour, he has them swinging from the light fittings within minutes of them opening their eyes each day. He's taught them a slightly inappropriate Christmas song, I mean they can't seem to remember their names some days but this they remember, word for word._**

 ** _We also get to spend some time alone. Polly likes to get out and go for a walk in the mornings before it gets to hot so I annoy her by insisting on joining her. I try and hold her hand, she slaps it away so I walk three steps behind her and pretend to be her bodyguard although the only person in danger of being attacked is me, if I ask her one more time if she's okay?_**

 ** _We also get to go out for dinner and spend a night in hotel…alone. Polly desperately begs the front reception for a room with two beds and she is bitterly disappointed with the King Bed. So same shit different day…or should I say same shit different location. I am still not allowed to touch her._**

 ** _Not only is she beautiful, she's also feisty. And being confronted at the beach by, let's call him a prudish dick who suggested that it wasn't appropriate to be wearing a bikini at her stage of pregnancy and that perhaps it's not something her children needed to see focused her anger on someone else for a brief few minutes. I enjoy my time in the sun._**

 ** _"They don't need to see you prance around with your saggy arse in those budgie smugglers either." Polly spits at him. I feel proud and puff out my chest a little, as does her father. That's my girl! Seriously I am in awe of her. She scares me a little._**

 ** _Santa has an accident and seems to have crashed his sleigh at our house and there are more presents here than I thought possible. Keeping the Crackheads in their beds until 6am was a feat but that was the rules. LZ struggled to keep the other two under control, we could hear them, they were all in LZ's room 'whispering' before there was even a number 5 on the clock._**

 ** _Suddenly a little body appeared beside us. "Is it time?" GB was sent in first, I am pretty sure she volunteered. We actually could imagine that discussion, GB would have offered, LZ would have weighed up the possibility of getting in trouble and wisely tried to talk her out of it, TT would have sided with GB and by the sheer majority of one GB was sent on a mission._**

 ** _She's smart though, she asks her mother and I hear her gasp a little when I answer._**

 ** _"No. Go back to bed." They still couldn't tell the time. We could keep this going for hours._**

 ** _TT came next, "What's the time?" he whispers to his mother. Obviously he was prepped by his sister, don't ask Dad and be very quiet._**

 ** _"Too early." He wasn't successful._**

 ** _We actually enjoyed torturing them, rarely do we get the chance because they usually beat us to it. Yes we are being petty but I think we've earned it with what they've made us endure this year._**

 ** _"Dad?" LZ was last, even for the hall monitor the waiting had got too much. She was annoyed that the other two had failed and with a gut full of attitude she decided that she was the best person for the job. We probably should have said no just to knock her down a peg or two but quite frankly it was getting annoying._**

 ** _We unleashed them, it was wild, crazy, loud, and messy but the look of wonder, squeals of delight and over excited hugs we got make this Crackmas thing worth it._**

 ** _I also got a Christmas present…..I was allowed to touch my wife._**

 ** _Briefly._**

Polly didn't go to the airport. She had been awake half the night with indigestion and having the three rats in the sack had pissed her off. It was also baking hot out and hanging around an airport was the last thing she needed to be doing.

Sam suggested she stay home when he found her sitting on the edge of the bed with her head bowed and half dressed. "You okay?"

"I feel like shit."

Sam crouched down and rested his hands on her knees. They still had four weeks to go but it honestly could happen anytime and they were both a little on edge. It was strange. With Lola she made it to 38 weeks, Mae was 35 and Alfie was 37 so they didn't really know what to expect in the last few weeks or even much beyond the end of the eighth month. Lola seemed so long ago. "How so?"

"Heartburn, tired, my feet a like balloons, I need to pee all the time. I just feel like shit." Pregnancy glow was never mentioned in this house. Polly didn't glow, not anymore.

"Do you want to stay home? I'll take the kids so you can rest."

"I really want to see Mom and Dad."

"They'll understand Babe, it's hot out and that airport is a shitfest."

"Do you mind? I can't even get dressed." Polly's voice caught in her throat and Sam heard it. He kissed her forehead and let it linger. "I'm too tired to even shower."

"Let's get you in the shower then." He stood up and helped Polly up off the bed. "I promise to behave."

She may be tired now but last night was a different story and Polly was very keen to get close to Sam. They enjoyed each other's company and Sam thought she was just beautiful right now. That beautiful baby bump was such a turn on for him. This time though, he just stood and watched and talked to her while she showered. They were still struggling with names for the bug.

"MiMi." Alfie squealed when he spotted her and took off, his sisters soon overtook him and he was devastated when they reached MiMi first and flung themselves at her. He looked back at his Dad sadly and Sam's heart broke for him. He just wanted a cuddle. Lucky for him he spotted his Pops and Adam had him up in his arms before the first tear fell.

"Alfie, buddy. You are so big. I missed you." His Pops smothered him with kisses and then he got to cuddle MiMi while the girls mobbed Pops.

Sam stood back and took a video and some photos for Polly; he loved how happy they were. It was a relief for him too, he was looking forward to them arriving to give Polly a break. The kids were stressing her out a little, it was getting too much for her to handle. They didn't get out much because it was hard for Polly to organise anything, it was the middle of summer and everywhere was busy because it was holidays.

Eventually he got a hug from Kim and Adam, all the while they had the kids hanging off them like they were monkey bars. "Where's Pol?" Adam was surprised not to see her, he was desperate to lay eyes on his daughter, and it had been too long. When they spoke to them before they left she couldn't wait to see them.

"At home, she had a rough night and it's way too hot out. We've been here two hours already and it was too much for her today."

"Is she okay?"

"She is, just very over being pregnant." Sam pushed their trolley towards the car park. "She looks great and can't wait to see you. She's waiting rather impatiently. She called a little while ago because she'd been watching flight tracker and knew you had landed." He'd sent her the video and photos of the kids greeting her parents and she told him to hurry up and get home.

It wasn't pretty getting in the car because someone had to sit in the very back and that was Lola's spot and she was not happy. Mae didn't help as she hugged and talked MiMi's ear off all the way home. Alfie wasn't much better and Lola just got angrier and angrier. God help them when the next one arrived.

Polly levered herself up off the couch when she heard the garage door open. Despite Sam insisting that she rest Polly had spent most of the afternoon wrapping presents and cleaning up. Sam teased her about her nesting, she'd done it will Lola and Mae and basically told people what to do with Alfie to make sure her house was ready for her baby.

Adam got out of the car a lot quicker than Kim did. She was stuck between Mae and Alfie who did nothing in a rush. "Oh my baby girl." His arms were wide as Polly literally fell into them, tears streaming down her face. "Look at you. I can't believe he did this to you again."

"I know. I am so happy you are here." Much to the kids disappointment both their grandparents were more interested in Polly right now. The house was insane all afternoon, there was so much going on the kids were barely keeping it together and they had several unexplained meltdowns. Pops and MiMi were the centre of attention and didn't get a minute alone.

"Hey Dad." Polly knew he'd be waiting downstairs for her. They were almost giddy waiting for it. Sam just chuckled when she kissed him lightly and headed downstairs. He'd gone to bed early just because he knew they were waiting for this.

"Sweet Pea." He held out his hand. "Waddle over here."

"I've missed you, I've missed this."

"Then come home." He ran his hands over her large bump. "Bring my babies home."

"One day."

"You love it here don't you?"

"We do, but we do miss home and being around family. I'd really like the kids to grow up with family but right now this is good for Sam."

"We are proud of him, he's done really well and I am proud of you. Those kids are fucking spectacular and I can't wait to meet this one." He smiled as it felt the baby kicking away. It had been pretty active all night and they loved watching the kids talking to it before they went to bed.

"Neither can we." Polly moved a little trying to get comfortable. "Sam's hoping for another boy."

"And you?"

"I just want it to get out."

"Are you okay? Like really, I know you keep telling us you are okay but it's me Sweet Pea. Talk to me."

"I am Dad, I am okay. We've had some ups and downs the past few months. It's hard and we weren't expecting this at all. At the start it was more about the Hyperemesis coming back but that's been fine so we relaxed and tried to embrace it. We really can't wait."

"Good to know…" he cocked his head to the side. "…but?"

"I'm scared Dad. I worry that Sam and I won't cope, that there will be even less time for us. It was just starting to get easier, you know Alfie is more independent, and they don't need us for everything anymore we actually get some time to ourselves and we are going back to the beginning."

"You and Sam will cope because you love each other and I have faith in both of you." Adam saw a lot of his relationship with Kim in his daughter's marriage, just an unrelenting determination to make it work.

"He's been amazing. I've freaked out so many times and he's just put up with all my craziness."

"Why wouldn't he? He loves you and I'd kill him if he didn't."

"You know, he knows that. It doesn't scare him anymore." Polly rested her head on her Dad's shoulder, closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment. "I love you Dad."

"Ah Sweet Pea, to the moon."

Polly was almost giddy waiting for Sam to come home and pick her up. They were going out for dinner with friends and staying in a hotel for the night courtesy of her parents. It was present, 'a mini baby moon' as Adam called it, cringing as he said it. It had been so long since they had done it that they were both like kids on Christmas morning.

"I am not sure I like how excited you are, you are going to do naughty things aren't you?"

"Sam wants me to touch him in his bad place and I just might." She teased her Dad.

Sam couldn't wait either, he didn't really care what went on he just wanted Polly to relax and not worry about the kids for a while. They were looking forward to having a night of adult conversations and then sleeping late. It was bliss and they did sleep in but only because they were up late enjoying each other.

He wanted to take care of Polly, fuss over her and make sure she didn't lift a finger but Polly had other ideas. She crawled up on the bed and sat astride Sam as he was lying face down and started giving him a back massage. Her belly made it harder but he enjoyed the attention. Polly leant forward and kissed his cheek and he felt her smile against his skin. "Roll over baby." And he did as he was told and it was fantastic.

Unleashing them on Christmas morning meant they had to wake up MiMi and Pops. They scuttled downstairs and the screams were cute as they obviously took a peak in the lounge where the sleigh had upended itself. "I think they found it." Sam grumbled. "How are you feeling?"

"Like an overstuffed bean bag." Polly rolled over and Sam lifted up her t-shirt. It was their morning ritual, Sam always said good morning to their baby. He loved this pregnancy in that regards, he didn't get to talk to Alfie much so he was making up for it with this one. Polly had to admit having Sam spend a few minutes lovingly stroking her tight taut stomach was very relaxing. He could be an annoying shit sometimes but he was an amazing husband and father. He supported her and put up with her wild crazy emotions. There had been times when Polly felt overwhelmed by the pregnancy and Sam had been patient and just held her and let her go, even when he felt unsure about it himself.

"Merry Christmas my little Bug. Enjoy today, next year you'll be part of this circus." He ran his hands over the smooth tight skin of Polly's stomach and kissed it sweetly. "I can't wait to meet you."

"Not today though."

"Not keen on a Christmas baby?"

"Nope. Imagine having to do Christmas and a birthday festival at the same time." They made a big deal out of the kid's birthdays. They didn't go over the top with presents or parties but they got to choose what they wanted to do and mostly they chose something with the family, they'd pick where to go out for dinner and the type of cake they wanted. Their bedrooms were decorated with streamers and balloons and they made them feel special. It was the one-day of the year that was all about you and everyone else toed the party line and took a step back. A little challenging when they were younger but they had it sorted now.

The next kiss Sam gave was to Polly, it was long and slow and passionate.

They hauled themselves out of bed, it was barely six and everyone was waiting patiently downstairs. Although Alfie's version of being patient was bouncing up and down near the tree and squealing at them to hurry up. He'd spotted a present for him and was just waiting for the launch code.

Adam was Santa's helper. He had his hat on already, haphazardly placed by Lola and they were just waiting for their parents. Polly wasn't moving all that quickly and Sam dragged out the torture by making everyone a cup of coffee and Polly a hot water with lemon before they could start. "Dad." Lola whined. "You are not funny."

They loved this part of Christmas; it made all the pain of the build up worth it to see the excitement on their faces, and the squeals of delight and loving hugs they gave everyone. They needed to appreciate what they got, not just rip into the presents and move on to the next one and they generally did.

Adam handed the kids one last present and it was an achievement in itself that they managed to get it to their parents in one piece. "This is for Bug."

Kim and Adam had taken them shopping and they had bought the baby a blanket and their very own cuddly toy. They all had them, Lola often pretended that her leopard wasn't that important anymore but it was always packed when they went away and stayed on her bed. Mae's Rhino was always under her arm at night and Alfie couldn't sleep without his giraffe, even if he was always clutching it tightly around his neck like he was choking it.

Apparently after much debate, a few tears and some desperate negotiating the new baby had a wombat. They had agreed that it needed to be an Australian animal but Lola wanted an Emu, Mae wanted a Koala and Alfie won the day with the wombat. The only thing he conceded was the size of it; his first choice was a life size version that would have been twice the size of the baby.

Adam's very elaborate description of the shopping trip had made them laugh. They knew exactly how painful it would have been, he'd come home and grabbed himself a beer and declared he was never taking all three of them out shopping again. Kim was on her own next time.

"I picked it." Alfie was so excited. Kim had convinced them that it was only fair, as Lola had chosen Mae's, Mae had a say in Alfie's so it was his turn. "Does the baby like it? Its name is Willy, Willy Wombat." He was clapping his hands and bouncing, momentarily forgetting his own stash of presents and new toys. This was about his Bug.

"They will love it. It's very cute." Polly loved both of the presents. It was very sweet of them and the card that they wrote bought her to tears. Sam expected it and wrapped his arm around her. Lola obviously wrote most of it but Mae and Alfie had added their own names and all the kisses and hugs. It was perfectly chaotic and perfectly them.

 _'Merry Christmas Mom and Dad. We are very excited. Hurry up Bug we want to cuddle you. We love you very much. Hugs and kisses from Lola, Mae and Alfie. Xxxxoooo'_


	63. The Circus Tent

**_You are late for a very important date…_**

 ** _We installed the handrails, ramps and those weird over the toilet things that make it easier to get up and down. We are taking our daily dose of Metamucil, our Care Alert Pendants have been charged and we've had our home assessed for fall hazards – they take this shit seriously in this country._**

 ** _And we waited…_**

 ** _And then yesterday my amazing wife gave us a new life to love and adore. And we do._**

 ** _Despite our geriatric age, (yes it still stings) we managed to create a beautiful new human who has filled that space in our heart that we never knew we had. I have the feeling that the only reason that little fucker escaped was because it was encouraged to give it a shot by all the others locked in solitary confinement who saw how god damn special it was._**

 ** _Before I get to the details a bit of an update on the other three. LZ has figured out that being the first-born has a multitude of privileges and she is lording it over the rest of them. GB, well her lists are not always helpful but they are consistently entertaining, particularly her list of approved names (which we ignored) and TT…... His bug is here and he's a little bit in love and confused about how it got here and we are happy to ignore that. He doesn't need to know everything._**

 ** _He is also he's a little cocky right now. If LZ has discovered the privilege of being the eldest, TT is a touch smug about being the only boy._**

 ** _Yes, I was right, our 1 fucking %er is a gorgeous little girl…..I am equally besotted and terrified. That's a shit load of oestrogen in our house. I need to sit TT down and explain this predicament to him; we need a good solid escape plan. We are seriously outnumbered, surrounded but hanging tough, we'll be fiiiine. Passing on my knowledge of the female brain and emotions should take a good half a minute. 'Termite, buddy (long uncomfortable pause, about 28 seconds I reckon) We are fucked!' or something like that._**

 ** _Right now we will keep her name to ourselves, rest assured it's as beautiful as she is. (Thanks GB but the Bug will not be called Butterfly, nor is it the plural of your name, we do not need two of you, you are special enough.)_**

 ** _So she'll be Her Royal Highness. HRH arrived calmly into our world yesterday and she stole our hearts. She looked up at me as I was easing her out of the only home she has known into the hands of the man who will always love her and she just looked serene. If we spent nine months worried about how the hell we were going to cope with a fourth child, HRH just blew us away. She is relaxed, heartbreakingly gorgeous and perfect and she has every single one of us falling over ourselves to love her. Getting to cuddle her is like winning the lottery._**

 ** _Polly is amazing, she pushed that Bug out barely raising a sweat and as HRH was laying on her chest Polly did ask the Doctor if she could whip out her uterus in it's entirety while she was tidying up down there so my little fuckers had no where to go._**

 ** _Apparently like all men I only stick around for the fun bit and then leave the mess for someone else to clean up._**

 ** _I have a feeling helping HRH come into our lives is the closest I am getting to that end of Polly for a good twenty years. Or as LZ so delightfully told us…'you need to stop doing the sex.' I've got some good news for you Chicken._**

 ** _For the un-initiated playing along at home I have this strange propulsion to deliver my babies. It comes from a need to ensure that the first touch these incredible humans feel is of the warm, loving, slightly terrified hands of a person who helped create them and will love them until his dying breath. I told Polly once that I did it for them, for her and for us. She seems to like that; in obviously weak moments she likes some of the soppy stuff I say._**

 ** _Childbirth is an incredible thing, but it is not pretty, not in the slightest and I wouldn't miss it for the world. It's like Polly and I are the only two people who exist in that moment; our beautiful new human and us. We are grateful that we've had some wonderful supporters and medical professionals who allow us to have this moment with our children. We want them to know, from the moment they take their first breath that they are loved._**

 ** _For the first ten minutes of her life the only touch she feels is ours. The feeling is indescribable; it's a privilege and we will treasure this moment for the rest of our lives and we will tell her about it, like we tell the others constantly how much it means to us._**

 ** _The nursing home has informed us that we can't take HRH with us; we'd have to leave her at home with the others. They seem a little flaky so we so we've asked for our deposit back and will try and live independently for a little longer._**

 ** _The Little Zookeeper, the Gummy Bear, The Termite and Her Royal Highness are the most amazing kids on the planet and we are in awe of them; we love every crazy bit of them. We are going to keep them, all four of them._**

 ** _Welcome to our circus tent my darling little girl, it's insane in here and you'll love it._**

 ** _To my beautiful Polly, Baby you blow me away. I don't have the words to tell you how much I love you; they don't exist. I can't imagine being in a world where you and I aren't a thing._**

They had gone back and forth on how they were going to handle the birth, more about the kids and what to tell them and how involved they wanted them to be. Polly was really hoping that this birth would be a little more like Lola's and she wanted to stay at home with the kids for as long as possible. She wanted them to be part of it without actually letting them in the delivery suite. No child should deliberately be made to see their mother give birth. Sam had to agree, he was not sure how they would cope seeing their Mom in so much pain, he barely survived it.

"Mom, when the baby is ready to come how do we get it?" Mae was propped up on the kitchen bench watching Polly make a salad for dinner while Sam was outside cooking some chicken on the bbq. They were still a couple of months away from Polly's due date but Mae's mind was whirling.

"I need to go to hospital." She handed her some cucumber to chew on.

"What happens to us? Does Daddy look after us?"

"No, Daddy comes with me and you know Pops and MiMi are coming soon and going to stay with us until after the baby is born."

"I am very excited."

"About Pops and MiMi?"

"Yes and bug too." Polly was happy to hear it, Mae was excited and was always asking about the baby, what it was doing, how big it was and if she could see it. She loved the pictures they bought home after Polly's check ups and they had shown her all the photos and videos they had of her from before she was born. "How do you know when it's cooked enough?"

"Well, we know that the baby needs about nine months to grow big enough and when it is ready I start to get these cramps in my stomach, it's called labour. Sometimes it takes a few hours and sometimes it may take a bit longer. Those cramps help me push the baby out."

"Of your bum?" Mae had certainly picked up the local vernacular although out of all of them Alfie had the strongest Australian accent as he learned to talk here.

"No sweetie."

"Of your bagina?" She looked a little shocked. I mean the putting things in your vagina freaked her out; taking things out seemed a bridge too far for her 6-year-old brain. "Does it hurt?"

"Yes Mae. It hurts a lot, but Daddy stays with me and he is very sweet and gives me lots of kisses and cuddles and he tells me he loves me and Daddy helps me give birth to our little baby."

"Does Daddy cry?"

"He does, because he is so happy."

"I'm excited. I love Daddy."

"Me too Monkey. He's the best."

"And you Mom, you're the best too."

When Polly did go into labour she was at home with her Dad. Her Mom had taken the kids to see a movie and then some lunch to give Polly a break. Polly's due date had come and gone a couple of days ago and every time she so much as moved everyone was all over her but she had noticed some subtle changes in the last two days especially.

Sam had noticed them too. "You okay?"

"I am."

"Are you having contractions?" He had watched her grimace a little when she went to stand up and the fact she had slowed down a bit the last few times they went out walking. Since Adam and Kim had been in town they had loved the half hour they got in the mornings to go out for a walk before Sam went to work without the kids. While they had always managed to find time to talk it was usually late at night when they were both half asleep but this was good for both of them.

"No, it's just really low today. I feel like it's moved down in the last few hours but I haven't had any contractions." Sam watched her like a hawk for a few days, he knew it was getting close and he couldn't wait. Polly also knew it and craved Sam. She wanted to be close to him and he was very attentive and loving, he was her safe place and calmed her down. It seemed so long ago that she had gone into labour naturally with Lola and she felt a bit overwhelmed by it.

At night she would want his attention, she wanted his safe arms, loving kisses and always wanted to be near him, she was anxious when he went to work. They'd shower together, Sam would massage her back, rub stretch mark cream into her stomach or let her climb on and scratch her itch. He would do whatever she wanted, if Polly was happy then so was he and they did every thing they could to bring on the labour to no avail. Some mornings Sam couldn't get out of bed without 'giving it another shot' before he left.

She called Sam first and he smiled as he reached for his phone. She always called him mid morning. "Hey sleepy head. Good Morning." He'd left for work early so he could get home at a decent hour and tended to get more work done if he got in before anyone else so he could work uninterrupted. "Sleep well." Kissing Polly goodbye she did mutter a few words to him and assured him she felt fine.

"I did." Surprisingly she had slept really well, only getting up twice and falling straight back to sleep. The Baby seemed calm last night, it was moving enough but not the all out dancing it usually did lately.

"Kids gone to the movies yet?"

"They just left. Sam, can you come home?" Her voice wobbled just a little.

"I'm on my way. What's going on?"

"I've just had a few contractions, about twenty odd minutes apart for the past hour or so."

"You think you are in labour?" He was shutting down his computer and stuffing a few things in his bag and Polly could tell he was panicking a little. "Are you alone?"

"No, Dad is here. I just really want you to come home." Her voice was shaking. "I want you."

"I am coming baby." Sam was already halfway out the door. He'd been waiting for it and had tossed up with the idea of working from home today just in case but Polly assured him she hadn't had even an inkling of a contraction when he woke her briefly before he left. He had also insisted that Polly wasn't left alone since her due date had come and gone.

Polly turned to the other man in her life while she waited for Sam. Her Dad would provide that steady arm when she felt she needed it. It had been his day to stay home. He had taken the kids out yesterday because they were driving everyone up the walls while Kim stayed home with Polly. Her Mom was going to be pissed she missed this. "Dad." Polly burst into tears.

"Hey, what's up Sweet pea?" He leapt out of the chair where he had been sitting catching up on the latest Chicago news. He may have been retired but old habits die hard.

"I've just called Sam. I think I am in labour."

"Holy crap. Should I panic yet? Or wait a while?"

"Wait awhile. Its early days no need to freak out just yet. Sam is doing enough of that for both of you." Adam did provide the strong hug she needed. They were excited about meeting their baby, Polly was so over being pregnant but it was also terrifying.

"What do you want me to do? Boil water?"

"You know that's just for men to have something to do right?" Polly laughed. "I want to go for a walk. Can you come with me?" She needed to get out of the house. Adam was reluctant but Polly insisted. They took two phones and she had already talked to Sam again. They decided right now not to call her mother. The kids were so excited about going to the movies they didn't want to ruin their day and have them waiting around for longer than necessary. It may take all day because while Polly was pretty sure she was in labour she wasn't progressing in any great hurry. Her contractions were regular, Adam was timing them with military precision but they weren't getting stronger or closer together at this stage.

They walked slowly and would slow up a little with a contraction and she would squeeze her Dad's hand tightly to let him know she was having one. "You know your Mom treated me like shit when she was in labour. She thought I asked a lot of dumb questions."

"She tells me that all the time." Adam was nervous but he was enjoying being with his daughter. They had always done this well, it felt familiar to them both and it was comforting. He had adored her for so long, he missed her and it was only Polly that finally got him to give work away. Coming here to spend time with her and his grandchildren was enough to make him finally pull the pin. "It's okay, it must be a boy thing. Sam says dumb shit too."

"But he's good right? Like if you think he's going to flake out I'll bury him in the backyard and come with you instead."

"You'd have to deliver the baby though? I am not sure I am ready for you to see me like that."

"Fuck Pol, that's just nasty."

"Sam says that too. He reckons he's got PTSD from doing it. Can't help himself though."

"Then he needs to stop knocking you up. You know Lola's talk about not doing the 'sex thing'…it works."

They headed towards home when Sam called to say he was five minutes away and he was running towards them as they neared the house. "Why am I not surprised at you two?" Polly let go of her Dad and appreciated her husband's strong arms. "How are you?"

"I'm good. It's been a nice walk." She suddenly took a deep breath and rocked a little against Sam.

He looked at Adam. "That's about eighteen minutes now. The last two have been a little closer and I would say they are hurting a little more but she wouldn't tell me. She thinks I'll freak out."

"I can hear you." Polly growled but he was right, they were getting a little harder to ignore. They headed for home. He took her upstairs and ran a bath so Polly could float in it for a while, that seemed to calm her and slow things down again. It felt like two steps forward and one step back.

Sam's heart almost leapt out of his chest when he came out of the bathroom after emptying the bath and found Polly on the floor on her hands and knees, head resting on her hands and rocking slightly. "Hey Baby." He dropped to his knees beside her. "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You got my heart racing Baby. Talk to me."

"I'm comfortable. They are just starting to get stronger. This is helping." The kids were on their way home and Kim had spun out and was in a flat panic. The only person who didn't seem to be panicking was the one that was actually in labour.

He lay on his back. Polly seemed so calm and that relaxed Sam a little. "You know I had a feeling this morning that today was the day."

"It might take a while, it could be tomorrow. Lola took all day and half the night."

"Yes, but you are more stretchy now."

"Fuck you Asshole."

"Love you too Baby."

Polly rolled her head to the side and smiled as Sam winked at her. "I'm glad you are here. I feel calmer now. You are good for me."

"Hey, names?" They had decided they wanted to have something that reminded them that this baby was their little Aussie but had come up short. Their friends had been unhelpful to say the least- Shazza, Wayne, Bazza, and Sheila. Mabel's list was amusing but ultimately soundly rejected as well as Alfie's recommendation that they call the baby Thomas whether it was a boy or girl.

"You really don't like Banjo?"

"No I don't." Sam had shut that down instantly. "My daughter is not going to be called Banjo."

"My son might be."

"No."

Kim had told the kids that they needed to go home rather than have lunch because Mom was in labour and they were about to finally meet their bug. Her labour had picked up and they were intensifying and Polly wanted to walk, she was inside and outside constantly as long as she was moving only stopping when she was having a contraction. There was no mistaking this for a false alarm.

Polly had a couple of really intense contractions and Sam had suggested they leave before the kids came home but she refused. It had been a tense exchange but Sam just let it roll over him. Adam had called Kim and told her to hurry up. Things were progressing quite quickly now. He was panicking, Sam was calm but Adam wasn't coping at all. He had no idea what to do and he was worried that she was going to have the baby at home and he'd have to help. He had wanted to get Kim to the hospital as soon as she told him she was in labour, she had insisted on taking a shower first and he spent the whole time panicking. Everything was coming back to him now.

"Is mommy okay?" Lola was concerned; she'd stopped on a dime when they walked in the house. Polly was leaning on the kitchen table and rocking a little, groaning and Sam was rubbing her back. They had walked in right in the middle of a contraction.

"It's okay Lola. Mommy is just getting ready to have our baby." Sam reassured her and told her to come and talk to her Mom. Lola tentatively reached out to her and placed her hand on hers. Polly grabbed it and smiled. "Hey Chicken." Polly breathed out slowly. "It's okay, I'm okay. This is exciting and Daddy and I can't wait to meet our baby. I need you to stay here and look after Mae and Alfie."

"Does it hurt?"

"It is starting to hurt a little bit now, that's why Daddy is going to take me to hospital soon and we will be looked after. Can you help MiMi and Pops take care of Mae and Alfie for me? I don't want you to be scared." Lola did looked relieved that Polly was talking quite calmly now. She sat down with Lola and hugged her close to her body and Lola rested her hands on her mom's bump and whispered quietly. "I can't wait to give you a kiss Bug."

"I hope it's a girl." Mae was excited. She had gone back and forth almost weekly on her preferred choice. Lola had decided on a girl, because she had to be better than Mae. That disappointed them, Lola and Mae just niggled each other lately. Alfie wanted a boy and he'd even packed up some trains for them to take into the hospital for the baby to play with.

"Soon? I want to see bug." Alfie was jumping up and down.

Sam put a hand on his head to stop him. He got a little over excited at times. "Yes Buddy, soon. I am going to take Mom to the hospital and we are going to have our baby."

"Can I come?"

"No, not this time Alfie you are going to stay with Pops & MiMi and we will call you as soon as we have our little baby and they will bring you in to see us."

"My brother?" He was determined he was getting a brother; he didn't really understand why they couldn't just pick one. All through the pregnancy they had made sure they told him it might be a girl to prepare him but he just didn't get it. It was boy or bust for Alfie.

"We'll see. It might be a sister. We don't know yet." Polly groaned loudly as another contraction started and out of nowhere that sent Alfie off the ledge and Sam scooped him up and tried to comfort his little boy. He buried his head into Sam's shoulder.

Polly sat with Mae for a few minutes and let her feel her having a contraction. They had felt the baby moving quite a bit but this was something else. Mae actually burst into tears because she thought it was hurting the baby. "Don't squash it."

"It's okay Mae. This is very normal and the baby is perfectly safe, it doesn't hurt the baby."

"Daddy can you make it stop?" Alfie was trying to crawl inside his dad. "Bug needs to stop hurting Mom, it's not nice to hurt people. I don't want it to hurt my Mom."

"Hey, hey, it's okay Buddy. Mom's okay."

"No, no no." he was getting hysterical and Sam took him outside. He was upsetting Polly and refused to let go of his Dad and he didn't want to talk to his Mom. Both Adam and Kim tried to peel him off but he just held on tighter to Sam's neck.

"Alfie just breathe buddy. Mom's okay." They were down in the veggie patch and Sam was getting frustrated with him. He got that it was upsetting for Alfie but he needed him to calm down because he wanted to be with Polly. Things were getting closer to the end and he really wanted to get going. They didn't expect it to go so pear shaped with the kids.

"Why is Bug hurting Mom? I don't like it." He started sobbing and it was breaking Sam's heart. "I love Mommy so much."

"Alfie, it's okay. It's not the Bug that is hurting Mom it's the labour. That's how Bug is born, but Mom is okay, she's going to be okay. Just take a deep breath for me." Sam breathed with him while he calmed down. "I need you to be big and strong and brave and take care of MiMi and Lola and Mae. You need to help Pops take care of our girls. Can you do that?" He nodded sadly and Sam hugged him tightly. "We love you Alfie, so much."

Over Alfie's shoulder he saw Adam come out. "Sam." He beckoned him. "I think you need to go." Polly's contractions were starting to get really intense and the girls were starting to panic.

Peeling Alfie off Sam was ugly. He thrashed about wildly and Adam struggled to contain him. It upset Mae and Lola was beside herself. Sam started to wonder about the wisdom of staying home as he helped Polly into the car, she was mid contraction, the kids were hysterical and he was worried they may not make it. Holding Polly's hand he grimaced as she squeezed it while they drove away. "Well that went well?"

"I didn't think they'd be so upset." Her eyes were closed but she was taking long deep breaths as the contraction eased.

"Neither did I. You okay?"

"You asking if I am okay that I am in labour and in fucking agony and I have a head trying to force it's way through my cervix or if I am okay my kids just carried on like I was dying?"

"Well is the answer going to be different for either option?"

"No."

"So you are not okay?"

"No." Sam lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. He reminded her how much he loved her as a mother.

"Okay, another dumb question?" He heard Polly sigh. "Are you about to give birth in our car?"

"I fucking hope not, that shit was hard to clean up last time." It had been a massive clean up and the car had a full detail after Rhiannon gave birth in the front seat. "Is Alfie okay?"

"He's worried about you." Sam rubbed her belly. "He loves you so much. You are his favourite person in the whole world."

"So I should be."

By the time they got to the hospital Polly was already 8 centimetres dilated and they didn't have a lot of time, from previous experience Polly didn't slow down when she was in labour, she was built for this apparently. Their timing was perfect; being able to spend most of the time home with Sam and see the kids had made Polly relax and she was ready to push not longer after they were admitted to the labour ward.

When they arrived they had a photo from Kim. Mae and Alfie were curled up with her on the couch getting lots of love. Adam was sorting out Lola apparently who had been a touch melodramatic.

Adam went in search of Lola who had fled to her bedroom. "Lola Bear." He knocked on the door and went in quietly. She was face down on the bed sobbing her heart out. He sat on the edge of her bed and rubbed her back softly. "Hey, come on Darlin' it's okay."

"I'm scared Pops."

"What scares you?"

"Mommy is hurt, it's hurting her. I'm scared for bug." Lola remembered when her Mom had Alfie but she didn't really understand what was going on then and Polly hadn't been in labour when she left to have him because she was induced. She was about the same age as Mae and right now Mae didn't really get the whole big deal.

"Oh Darlin'…come here." He waited until Lola climbed into his lap he let her cry for a few moments. "It's okay Darlin' you know Mom has to do this. She's done it before, three times and look how well she does. Dad is taking care of Mom and he will do his best to make sure Mom is okay and the baby too."

"Does it hurt the baby? What if bug get's hurt?"

"It doesn't hurt the baby Lola? Do you remember being born?"

"No."

"This is just what happens. This is how it works. The Doctors at the hospital will look after them." He kissed her head that was tucked up on his shoulder. "We are going to get a beautiful new baby very soon."

"I don't want to have a baby ever. I don't like it, it's hurting my Mom."

"Yes it's a little rough but Mom can do this, she's done it before and it will be all over soon."

"I'm still scared."

"Can I tell you a secret?" He waited until Lola nodded. "So am I Lola Bear. I love your Mom so much and I worry about her too but I also know that your Dad loves her very much and he'll do whatever he can to help her. How about we go out down the beach for a little while to take our mind off it?" He had the feeling everyone could do with some fresh air and a change of scenery. Even he didn't want to sit around waiting for a call.

"Okay Dad, you ready?" Dr Webber stood aside and let Sam take over, under her watchful eye. It had been a non-negotiable for Sam, all going well he would deliver his baby and Polly had laboured beautifully, they were glad they stayed home for most of the day and the baby was coping well. They had stayed home with Lola for most of her labour and Polly really felt it helped her stay calm, the hospital had made her anxious previously, especially with Mae and Alfie's birth was a whole different experience because of the induction and the trauma of the pregnancy so it was nice to have the calming experience with this one. They weren't into soothing music, candles and essential oils but they did whatever they felt comfortable doing and whatever Polly wanted as long as it was safe for both of them..

"Hey Polly…" he spoke to her calmly until she looked at him. "…guess what I can see?" She laughed a little painfully and sucked in a deep breath before she pushed hard. Sam had his hands on his baby's head. "Oh, blond hair; last chance to come clean." They had joked that if the baby came out with blond hair he'd know that it wasn't his little fucker that did the damage. Polly hadn't appreciated it at first but one day she told him, when he was being particularly annoying that she'd picked someone hotter than him because she'd always dreamed of a blond child with blue eyes _'I'm sick of my kids looking like you.'_

Polly would have slapped him right now if she could have but he just winked at her and she smiled. It quickly faded as another contraction started to build, they were never ending and excruciating but they were so close, he could see his baby.

Having his hands on his baby as they were coming into the world never ceased to amaze him. It was ugly, there was nothing pretty about it and not to mention it looked incredibly painful but then Polly pushed again and with a tilt of the shoulders in his hands was his fourth perfect child.

"Polly sweetheart, look at me." Sam demanded softly, his voice brimming with emotion and when she did she saw the tears in his eyes. "I was right and she's got dark hair."

"She does?"

"She certainly does." He lifted her up and lay her on Polly's chest. "Look at our beautiful little girl."

"Oh Sam." Polly rested a shaky hand on her daughter as she was screaming blue murder and Sam held her other hand and kissed her forehead tenderly. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Your little fucker. She's so perfect, look at her." Polly sobbed as Sam smothered her with kisses. "I love her already." They tried to get her to feed but she wasn't interested so they just cuddled her instead. She'd had a good cry and her lungs seemed to be working perfectly and she was squirming and wriggling on her mother's chest.

Once she had been checked out and given back to Polly she got her to feed for a while and she was a little all over the shop but she was calm. She was just checking everything out, her beautiful little eyes staring up at her Mom and her Dad and getting used to her new little world. Sam had a cuddle while Polly showered. She was unwrapped and lying on his chest, he had done it for all three of his kids, even Mae got some skin on skin contact though he missed her birth and he'd defy anyone to tell him it didn't make a difference to them and his relationship with his children. It was such a personal moment, feeling your own child, newly born lying close to your heart, that skin on skin contact with a part of you that you will never not love or worry about, it blew Sam away, every single time. He couldn't drag his eyes away from her and she was staring up at him, slight frown on her face but she was perfect. Sam was playing with her tiny hand, kissing her fingers and relishing her weight on his chest. He talked to her softly, telling her how much he loved her and how he promised to always be on her side.

"Hey little lady." He ran his finger over her sweet little nose. "How are you so perfect? I love you so much. You've got this amazing family waiting to love you too. Charlotte is awesome, she'll fuss over you, Mabel will make you laugh and Alfred will always look out for his little sister."

Sam smiled as she squirmed and let out a little squawk. "You have the greatest Mom in the world. You just wait. And me, baby girl I'll always hold your heart in my hands. You will never live a day without knowing how much I love you."

Polly loved watching Sam and his baby. He was a beautiful man, so gentle and loving. He was funny, smart, and passionate and could be a right royal pain in the ass, but he adored her and she always felt loved by him, even when she made it hard. And his kids, he was in love with his kids. Watching him talk to his newborn daughter made her love him more than she thought possible. She was lucky to be loved by him and the little girl in his arms was lucky too. It didn't matter that he had three girls now, he may have wished for another boy but he was completely in love with his new little girl.

"Are you disappointed?"

"No." He replied instantly. "I think she is beyond perfect. I'm in love with her."

Just after she was born the midwife had taken a photo of Polly, Sam and their perfect little girl and they sent it to Kim and asked them to bring the kids. It was barely two hours after they left home.

 _'We are done. All good, Polly is beautifully calm and relaxed. Our Bug is doing great and we are in love. We'd love you to come and see what we've got. We are desperate to see the kids.'_

They were down the beach when both Kim and Adam's phones beeped at the same time. The kids were well aware that their Dad was going to call them and they were clamouring up as soon as they heard the phones. "Is that Daddy?" Lola asked a little breathlessly.

"It is." Kim smiled. "Let's go home clean you up and take you into the hospital. Mom and Dad have something for us."

"A Baby?" Alfie squealed. "It's bug?" She showed them the photo and they loved it.

"Yes, a baby. Our little bug is here." Kim was brushing the sand off them while Adam grabbed all the towels and other crap they insisted on bringing.

"Is it a girl?" Mae was desperate to know and burst into tears. She had tried really hard to hold it together for Alfie but it was too much. Adam had to snap a photo of Lola hugging Mae and then again as she held her hand all the way home. These kids were awesome.

"We don't know; it's a surprise so let's go."

"Can you call Daddy and ask him?" Mae was the first ready to go to the hospital. She had been the first in the shower and they were now waiting for MiMi to finish getting Alfie dressed. Lola was almost ready but had changed her dress three times so far. She had even asked her Pops for his opinion and he chose to stay well out of it, kids fashion was well out of his wheelhouse. The kids wouldn't have bothered getting changed but Kim knew that Polly would freak if they bought grotty sand covered kids in to see their new baby.

"No, I just got a message from him. They are waiting for us. They want to surprise you."

"I don't like surprises."

"Yes you do." Adam laughed. "If you don't like surprises I won't show you this photo then." Sam had sent them a photo of Polly with the baby lying on her chest not long after her birth. The baby's big beautiful eyes were wide-open, little pursed lips and tiny hand holding onto Mom's finger. "Do you want to see it?" He knew Kim would be showing the two upstairs.

"That's my baby, is that bug." Mae squealed and covered her mouth with her hands. "It's so cute."

Lola came charging down the stairs clutching MiMi's phone. "Mae, look."

"I saw it. Pops showed me." Adam only wished he had his phone to take a video of the two of them clutching phones in one hand and holding each other's hand as they jumped up and down squealing.

Polly met then at the elevators when her Dad sent her a message to say they had arrived. They couldn't prise Kim's phone out of the girl's hands, they had spent the whole car ride in looking at the photo's of their baby, and Sam had sent them through a couple more. Both of them laughed at the replies they got, it was one emoji after the other and they figured that Lola was in control. Sam stayed with the baby, he offered to go but he was more than happy to stay and spend some time with his little girl. He'd be lucky if he got near her for the rest of the day once the tribe got their hands on her.

Adam couldn't hold Alfie back when he saw his mom; he literally flung himself out the doors. "I missed you, I was scared and sad."

"Why were you sad?"

"Because the bug was hurting you and you had to go to hospital and that's where sick people go."

"Not always Alfie, sometimes good things happen at hospital. Our little bug is a good thing."

Adam assured Polly that both Lola and Mae did their best to cheer him up and they were very sweet with him. Despite worrying that their kids didn't really like each other, they had these amazing moments when they just closed ranks and that blew them away. Polly had loved the photo that her Dad sent her earlier of Lola and Mae at the beach when they were hugging. As soon as their little baby was checked out and safely cuddled up to Mom and Dad Polly had started to worry about the others. She was desperate to see them. Sam wanted to wait a bit longer and let Polly have a rest first but it was like holding back the tide.

She hugged her Dad briefly as he picked Alfie up for her and Polly grimaced when he wrapped his arms and legs around her. Adam tried to take some of his weight but Alfie just wanted his Mom. Kim and the girls had stopped at the gift shop on the way through but Alfie wasn't waiting for nobody. "Where is bug? Is it back in your tummy?" his voice quivered a little. "I wanted to see it."

"Oh sweetie, Bug is in my room with Daddy. He wanted one more cuddle."

"He?" Adam cocked one eyebrow questioningly.

"Sam, Sam wanted one more cuddle, he knows he want get another chance today."

"So he or she is good?"

"Perfect." Polly was giving nothing away as the lift opened and the girls reacted the same way as Alfie, they screamed and flung themselves at their mom.

"Where's Bug?" They both asked and Adam and Polly chuckled.

"Let's go." Adam tried to prise Alfie off Polly but he was having none of it. "Daddy's waiting."

Sam heard them coming. "Hang on Bug, shits about to get real." He wasn't surprised to see Polly carrying Alfie but it did bother him. The last thing he wanted was for her to hurt herself, she'd been through enough today but he'd learnt she'd do anything for her children. No matter the cost.

"Hey, guess what?" Sam beckoned them over and Lola and Mae were up in the baby's face in an instant; closely followed by Kim and Adam. Alfie was hanging onto his Mom for dear life. "Say hello to your little sister."

"It's a girl?" Mae squealed and clapped her hands.

"Yes, this is Iris." Sam watched as Lola and Mae both reached for her little hands. "Isn't she beautiful?"

"I wanted a brother." Alfie burst into tears. He wasn't having a good day; nothing was going right for him.

"I know buddy but guess what." Polly pointed to the baby's cot and tucked up in the corner was one of his trains. "Iris already has your train."

"Does she like it?"

"She loves it. It's her first present." Polly assured him. "You have a big job now Alfie, you are a big brother. That's an important role. I think you are going to be the best brother."

Lola got the first cuddle, being the oldest of course. She sat up on the chair and Sam placed Iris in her arms. "She's very little." Lola beamed and as promised she kissed her tiny face. Then it was Mae's turn and she looked so damn happy. She was in heaven; this was everything she wanted.

Alfie only held her for a few moments because she started to wriggle and cry and he didn't like it. He asked his Dad to take her back.

Kim was next in line and Lola and Mae followed the baby. Polly reached for Sam's hand as he sat up on the bed next to his wife and they watched their family fall in love with their little girl, they couldn't blame them because they were crazy about her already. Even Alfie was happy to get involved as long as he didn't have to hold her. "Pops, did you want a brother too?" Alfie leant on Adam's legs.

"I think I love your new little sister and you know what this means Buddy?" He lifted Alfie up onto his knee so he could see his sister a little better. "It means you are the only boy and that is pretty special. You are my favourite little boy ever, in the whole wide world." He was pretty happy with that and started to come around to the fact that he had a baby sister.

"Three girls, Sam you are so screwed." Adam finally got his hands on his granddaughter. Eventually the kids got bored and Lola and Mae climbed up on the bed to have a cuddle with Mom and Dad and Alfie pilfered the train back out of Iris's cot and was playing with it on the window sill while Kim and Adam cuddled their newest grandchild.

Iris Adelaide Ruzek Hollister was perfect and they were all head over heels in love with her.

They lined them all up along the bed. Biggest to smallest, all holding hands and Alfie was staring at his sister while the other two were grinning at the camera. It was a cute photo and they sent it to their family and friends. For his blog he took a photo of four sets of feet side by side, although Iris's were sticking up in the air, as soon as she was unwrapped she was squirming and wriggling, her arms and legs were going everywhere and the kids though it was hilarious.

She didn't particularly like being unwrapped though and soon let everyone hear her startled newborn cry.

 _'There were four in the bed and the little one said…..I'm the queen of the castle._

 _Welcome to the circus Iris Adelaide. You've wormed your way into our hearts already. You are perfect. You are beautiful and your Mom is the greatest person I know._

 _We are delighted to announce the safe arrival of the newest member of our family. Iris Adelaide Ruzek Hollister came calmly into the world at 245pm, weighing 7lbs 1ozs, she's working things out in her own way, feeding beautifully and Polly continues to blow me away. We are over the moon. Lola, Mae and Alfie are getting to know Iris and she has them wrapped around her tiny fingers already.'_

 ** _Polly's Post – You make beautiful babies with me. Seeing her in your hands, seeing the tears in your eyes, seeing you fall in love with her is beautiful to watch. Our humans are lucky they have a Dad like you. I'm glad you came back for me. You make me content. #Crazy_**


	64. My Father-in-Law

**_My father in law…_**

 ** _Scares the crap out of me. Pure and simple._**

 ** _Not because I feel threatened but because of how much he loves his daughter. They have an incredible relationship and over the years it has often blown me away how special it is._**

 ** _But we have had our moments; one particular entertaining moment involved a broken bed, Ikea and a hammer. And we all know Ikea furniture and hammers don't mix, and neither do horny teenage boyfriends, Ikea, hammers and the girlfriends father all in the same room, at the same time._**

 ** _Before I go on here is his list of gripes against me._**

 ** _1\. I popped his daughter's cherry – it was fucking incredible btw._**

 ** _2\. I broke her heart when we were teenagers and I left. – I also broke mine, he doesn't care about this he tells me._**

 ** _3\. She went out with a lot of dicks…..apparently that is my fault because of number 2._**

 ** _4\. I came back and knocked her up… on the bonnet of a car in a parking lot in the middle of winter. – also fucking incredible._**

 ** _5\. I knocked her up two more times – we were starting to figure out what caused this._**

 ** _6\. I took her to the other side on the world. – not much to add, it's true._**

 ** _7\. I knocked her up again. – the less said about this the better._**

 ** _He has forgiven me for most, except 1,2,3 & 6\. Actually looking back the only ones he has forgiven me for are the ones that involved his grandchildren. I am sensing a pattern._**

 ** _Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, he just scares me. I don't want to let him down because he made this wonderful woman that I share my life with and he trusts me to take care of her and that's a little daunting because not only does he love his daughter, he also treats his wife like she is the best person on earth and his grandchildren are his favourite things in the world. That's a lot a pressure._**

 ** _Back to the hammer. I broke Polly's bed as I was keen to get a leg over and we only had a few minutes. We were in the first throes of our sexual awakening and basically randy as two goats. I broke the bed and by the time we got home later that day he had dismantled it, with a hammer and scattered it in the backyard. That, as it turned out was the best part of the day._**

 ** _Dinner conversations with this family could be pleasant; they could be fun and some days they are just fucking horrific. We've had a few horrific ones over the years but this was the first truly terrifying dinner, this night involved a conversation about blowjobs, courtesy of her overly medicated brother. I started to write my will, I was seventeen. I thought I was going to die._**

 ** _I mean the first time I met him he was armed to the back teeth and had this HUGE fully armed cop in the driveway. How I am still alive and able to breed is a miracle?_**

 ** _Recently, as only Polly could, she declared that I needed to go to Ikea and pick up a chest of drawers for the nursery and I could take her Dad with me. Now I can't deny my wife anything, she is after all incubating my fourth child so I checked to make sure he was carrying neither a hammer nor a gun (they get very touchy about that here…I can tell you it's amazing what gun control laws can do) and I kissed my wife goodbye, hugged my kids just in case I didn't return and headed off to secure the requested item for the Bug's rapidly growing collection of clothes._**

 ** _Any way, it was a tense drive to get to the store. I made small talk about a male giraffe's tendency to drink the female's urine to gauge whether they are ready to breed. Did I mention it was awkward? Then to get to the part of the store that houses the required item we had to walk through the bed department. I don't know about him but I broke out into a sweat. "Fucking Ikea Beds" he muttered and I think, but am not sure he may have involuntarily reached for his weapon. I scuttled through that section like a rat up a drainpipe. I suddenly felt like I was 17 years old again, not a 41-year-old man with three children and one on the way._**

 ** _Then we had to put the fucking thing together, I may have called him sir._**

 ** _All those years ago Polly, being seventeen riled her Dad up by telling him not to be a dick…he was pissed and calling me 'the boyfriend' this, I learnt is code for I am very angry with you. Today as the chest of drawers started to sway a little as I struggled to get a screw in straight, under extreme pressure I became the 'the husband'. I mean helping catch a Rhino in the wild so you can milk it for it's genetic material (yes this is exactly what you think it is) is pretty high pressure, building Ikea furniture with your father-in-law is next level._**

 ** _My penis has been, over many years the subject of much discussion, consternation, mirth and I'd like to think a touch of admiration (from the wife, not the in-laws). But it's worked it's magic._**

 ** _Four times and I will tell you something; that guy who scares me is an amazing father and Grandfather, my wife and children lucked out. He blows me away as a father and I am scared that I'll never be as good as him and I want to be because my kids deserve it._**

Sam took the kids home and left Adam and Kim with Polly. The kids were getting loud and ratty being cooped up and Alfie refused to leave without his Dad. He bought them home, bathed them and gave them dinner. While he missed Polly and Iris he loved the time with the other kids, listening to them talking about their sister and how excited they were.

Polly warned her Dad playfully to be nice to Sam when he declared he was going to take him out for a drink. She had dozed off a few times and Adam literally dragged Kim away. Polly was tired and wanted to sleep as much as she could because she was only staying in hospital one night. Both of them were doing well; Iris was feeding better despite her initial reluctance to give it a go. They were learning that this girl does things in her own sweet time.

Sam had called his Mom again once he got home, they had talked to her briefly just after Iris was born and he promised to fill her in on all the details. He let the kids talk to their Nan and they told her all about Iris.

He also spoke to Polly again when she called just after her parents left to check up on the kids. They had been a bit upset when they left, especially Alfie. Once Sam got them home though they settled down in the familiar surroundings and were doing fine. They actually seemed to like each other today, which was a pleasant surprise.

Adam bought him a beer. He was quite the fan of Australian beers, he actually loved Australia and if it wasn't so far away he'd be happy for them to stay so he could visit more often. "Congratulations and thank you."

"For what?"

"Ah Charlotte, Mabel, Alfred and Iris." Adam rolled his eyes. "My four perfect grandchildren."

"They are pretty great. I have to admit we were worried about having another baby but she's what five hours old and I can't imagine not having her in our lives, she just fits."

"We can't either. Thanks for letting us be here too." Adam took a long swig of his beer and looked thoughtful. "I know you love Polly and have for a long time. I probably haven't made it easy for you at various times and when Lola was born I remember you telling me that you got it, why I love Polly so much. I see that with Mae too and with Alfie but I've got to say, today I really got it."

"Got what?"

"You, and how much Polly is your whole world. I was blown away today watching you with her all day while she was in labour, I've never seen that before and it was just mind blowing. I loved being with her for that first hour or so, it meant a lot to me to be able to be there for my daughter." Adam paused for just a moment and shook his head a little. "My beautiful girl."

"It's strange isn't it? I mean she's in pain and I want it to stop, I want to do it for her, and it feels never ending but I find it incredible watching Polly go through that. Some days I think I can't love her more than I do and then she does this and I do, today I found more. Even with Iris worming her way into my heart, I love Polly even more today than I did yesterday."

"You were amazing with her today. I see how much she means to you and how much she loves you." Adam rarely got so emotional and deep. He wore his heart on his sleeve and because of that he didn't feel the need to tell people what he was feeling. They just saw it. "I've adored that girl from the day Kim and I found out we were pregnant. I always wanted the best for her; Kim and I always said we'd fight for her and Gus. Today was incredible."

"Well we've had some practice."

"True. Fuck man, four."

"Yep."

"No more?"

"No more." They'd discussed it. Obviously the vasectomy didn't do its job so Polly would be having a tubal ligation as soon as possible. As much as Polly ragged Sam about his termites, he ranted about her over achieving ovaries and obviously welcoming uterus. Contraception had been the bane of their lives for ten years. They needed to stop this madness; they couldn't risk number five, even if Alfie asked for a brother next time.

Kim was waiting up for them. Sam had teased Adam about his plans once they got home. It wasn't a secret how they celebrated their grandchildren. His insistence that they were too old for that shit now fell on deaf ears, he had a twinkle in his eye that was hard to miss.

It wasn't a late night because Sam was shattered, it was an emotional and physically draining day and he didn't really do anything, Polly did all the hard work but he worried about her all day and that was immense, he worried about Lola, Mae and Alfie and he worried about his new little girl. They were bringing Iris home in the morning too and he wanted to get in early after having breakfast with the kids.

"Come here Monkey." He wasn't surprised when Mae came into his bed not long after he got home, lifting the corner of the quilt Sam let her crawl in with her Rhino. They did like how she knew how to comfort herself, she knew when she needed the little extra bit of love and would seek it out. It calmed her sensitive little soul. They were never left guessing when Mae needed some love.

"Daddy." Sam peeled his eyes open way too early. "Daddy."

Mae was peering at him. "Good Morning Monkey. Did you sleep okay?"

"I did." She snuggled in tight for more cuddles.

"You need to sleep in your own bed tonight though. No coming in to Mom and Dad's bed."

"I'll try."

"Are you excited? I'm going to pick up Mommy and Iris today and bring them home."

"Do we get to keep her?"

"Who? Iris?" He was enjoying the love as she was lying next to him, playing with his hand. "Yes we do. She's ours now and we get to help her grow up big and strong like you."

"I love Iris."

"So do I Monkey."

"Do you think she's pretty?"

"I think she is very pretty, like you, like Lola and like your Mom." Sam rolled onto his back and Mae climbed up and sat on his stomach. "I need your help though?" Mae cocked her head to the side. "Mum is a little bit sore, it's hard work giving birth to Iris and she will be tired so we need to help her out. She'll be a little bit busy with looking after Iris and we can help but Mum needs to feed her a lot so we have to help when we can and Mum needs to rest when Iris sleeps over the next few days."

"I can help."

"I know you can." Sam could tell by the way she was jiggling about that she needed to go to the bathroom so he sent her off and then she decided to go downstairs in the hope that MiMi and Pops might be up already.

She got lucky. "Pops."

"Hey Monkey Mae, you're up? Good Morning." He held out his hand and Mae leant into his legs and enjoyed the cuddle. "Is Daddy up too?"

"No, he's still in bed. He's awake."

"Shall we make him a coffee and one for MiMi?"

"Yes."

"Do you want a coffee too?"

Mae giggled. Her Pops was silly some days. "I'm not allowed to drink coffee. I kissed Daddy once and he tasted like coffee and it was yuck." She screwed up her nose and perched herself up on the stool at the counter.

"Yes, yes it is." He nodded. "What do you think about pancakes for breakfast?"

"Yes please."

"You know Mae, when MiMi was in hospital when she had Bus I made your Mommy pancakes for breakfast?" It seemed like yesterday for Adam that he was making breakfast for his little girl. It was a bit surreal that now her daughter was here talking to him about pancakes. Where the hell did the time go? It was going to be hard to leave them again, even more so now that Iris was here. He missed them like crazy. Both of them did and they had jumped at the chance to be around and help out with the kids and they were loving it.

"Was she little like me?"

"She was, she was a bit younger like Alfie." Adam leant on his elbows on the bench while the coffee machine was doing its thing. He was getting used to the coffee they drank here, it was so much better than they mud they drank at work. "Your Mom slept in my bed and I got up and made her pancakes."

"I slept in Daddy's bed."

"Did you?"

"Uh Huh." Mae nodded. "I think Daddy liked it."

"I am sure he did. I used to love it when either your Mom or Bus came to keep me company."

"He said I can't sleep in his bed tonight because Mommy and Iris will be here." She looked a little concerned; it had been all fun and games until it hit her that she might get kicked out of her parent's bed for her sister. Things weren't so rosy now. "Will Iris sleep in their bed?"

"No, she's just a tiny baby and it's too dangerous for her to be in a big bed. She has her bed all set up in their room because she is so little and needs to wake up in the middle of the night to feed."

"Did you know that Iris gets her milk from Mommy's boobies?"

"I did."

"Why can't Daddy feed her? He has boobies too. Not like Mommy's boobies, his are little. Is that why he can't give Iris milk?"

"It is." This was not a conversation Adam had any interest in pursuing, although it seemed that Mae was.

"Your boobies are bigger than Daddy's, can you feed a baby?" Now Adam wasn't quite at his playing weight anymore but he was hardly fat. Kids could be brutal some days.

Unsure what to say he chose to ignore her. "What should we put on the pancakes?"

"Blueberries." Mae loved blueberries. "And ice-cream." She also loved ice-cream

Adam shook his head as he made the coffees. "I don't think so. Your Mommy and Daddy would tell me off if you had ice-cream for breakfast but how about when Daddy goes to the hospital we go to the beach and get an ice-cream there?" He would have given her whatever she wanted for breakfast but knew he'd cop it. Never in a million years would he have given Polly or Gus ice-cream for breakfast but with his grandkids, hell he'd give them whatever they wanted.

Helping Mae carry the coffee upstairs he let her knock on the door. "Coffee Daddy." She just barged in and Adam was glad that Sam was still in bed, he would hate to catch him half naked in the bathroom or in the shower. Instead they found him on the phone.

"Thank you Mae." He grabbed her hand. "Do you want to say good morning to Mom and Iris?"

Adam said a quick hello and left them to it, he stuck his head into Alfie's room and he was just waking up and he helped him out of bed and went to check on Lola while Alfie used the bathroom and she was sound asleep. She seemed to be much more like her grandmother who was also still sleeping.

Alfie went in and talked to his Mom for a bit and had a cuddle with Dad before heading off in search of MiMi, it was the closest thing to his Mom he had at the moment. He crawled into bed with her. "MiMi, I miss Mommy. I just saw her."

"I am sure you do but Daddy is bringing them home today."

"Iris too?"

"Yes Iris is coming home too. She's our baby now and we need to look after her and love her lots."

"I do love Iris. She's my baby sister." Alfie's face was alive as he laid down next to his grandmother and talked about his sister. "I think she loves me most, I gave her a train and Mum says she loves it."

"That was very sweet of you."

"Iris talks to me."

"Does she?" Kim chuckled a little. He had always insisted that he could hear Iris talking to him when she was still in utero.

"Nobody can hear it, but I can."

"What does she say?"

"Hi Alfie, I love you." Kim thought it was beautiful, he just looked so happy. Alfie was such a sweetheart, he had more than a touch of Adam in him even at his young age he knew how to make her weak at the knees. He was going to be a smooth talker, a bit like his grandfather and his father.

"Oh Alfie, you are my perfect little gentleman."

 _ **Just a little bit of sugar to help cleanse the palate after that abomination of a show last night. Hope you are all doing okay?**_


	65. Her Royal Highness

**_The Queen is in residence._**

 ** _Apparently, as this country is part of the monarchy you can go to your local MP and ask for a portrait of the Queen to adorn your walls. We were disappointed to learn that it is an actual portrait of the actual Queen of England and not our Queen._**

 ** _Her Royal Highness came home before she was even 24hours old._**

 ** _She's a smart cookie this one, she is winning us over with her adorable looks and calm and relaxed personality. She's quiet, loves cuddles and sleeps far too long according to her rabid siblings who just want to see her with her eyes open._**

 ** _Like a patient with a severe concussion she is under observation every 15minutes, they run in shifts. LZ, GB, TT, MiMi, Pops all rotate past her bassinette…and her Dad; he's leading the charge._**

 ** _The smallest grunt is met with excited squeals. "She's awake. Can I hold her?"_**

 ** _"No you held her last time, it's my turn."_**

 ** _"She likes me more, she cried when you held her last time."_**

 ** _And this is the fight between her parents; the others are just as bad. Fortunately I can move quicker than her mother, after all barely a day ago she pushed this human out of her body so she's a little tender and moves slow. I am also bigger than the siblings and can push them over with a well-timed hip and shoulder. The In-laws though, are a little harder to bump off course._**

 ** _For the first few hours after HRH made her grand entrance my wife actually loves me, I mean she thanked me for knocking her up but as the adrenaline rush wore off so did her affection for me. I think we are a little over 12 hours into our life as parents to four children when I got my first 'don't touch me.'_**

 ** _The midwife was also alarmed to walk in and overhear my beautiful postnatal wife telling me that she wouldn't be surprised if I managed to slip one of my sneaky little fuckers in while I was fossicking around down there._**

 ** _'Ahhh …sweetheart, I was kind of busy removing the consequences of the last time you let me touch you inappropriately...'_**

 ** _I have never seen someone turn and walk out of a room so quickly. Poor woman, and this is someone who regularly sees human beings coming out of a wide variety of vaginas. I mean I think my wife's is pretty special, slightly trashed right now but very functional and I really like it, not that I am likely to see it again for a very long time. It's like Disneyland, the happiest place on earth, just has a little storm damage that needs fixing at the moment. I've been reliably informed it might take a year or two._**

 ** _The midwife though looked horrified and that was the last we saw of her, next thing we know we are getting our discharge papers. HRH was kicked out because of her mother. We beg for clemency, I mean we have three more at home; we like it here._**

 ** _But they are harsh, we offer more money and are not ashamed to beg but when the cleaners come in and start stripping the bed, with zero intention of replacing the sheets with clean ones we pack our newest little offspring into her car seat and skulk out with our tails between our legs._**

 ** _It's funny. When I walked into the hospital room that morning Polly had barely opened her eyes before she was reminding that this was all my fault. When we walked into our house there were actually squeals of joy. It was in complete contrast and for a brief moment I felt good about myself._**

 ** _The squeals were not for us though, obviously; they were for the queen._**

 ** _It was beautiful to watch our three walking talking children adore our helpless, tiny new life. Right now, they loved her and long may she reign over them._**

 ** _TT scored the first cuddle at home; he was just right place, right time. Overnight he had accepted the fact he had a sister and decided that he loved her. He had bought her the wombat and was busy waving it in front of her face while she was sitting on her throne after enjoying her mid afternoon snack and wombat was tossed aside when his mother asked him if he wanted a cuddle. I think she meant that she wanted a cuddle from him but she quickly learnt that she was also well down the totem pole all of a sudden. It was a bitter pill for an emotional postnatal mother to swallow._**

 ** _He kissed her head sweetly and looked like he'd won the lottery, especially when the other two got wind of it. It was like they could smell blood in the water and they were circling within minutes. HRH just lets it all roll over her, she loves the cuddles, feeds and sleeps but she is still recovering from her birth so we predict it won't last but right now she's winning hearts and we think we will keep her._**

 ** _My heart is full; I get to lie with my little human on my chest late at night, like I have done with all my humans. The feeling of their weight on my chest reminds me of the role I play in their lives, I will always carry their weight, their highs and lows, their heartbreak and successes and that feels daunting and beautiful. I am amazed at what two people can do, that you can make these incredible little people and I love that feeling, there is nothing like the love you have for your children, or the person careening through this chaotic life beside me._**

 ** _I am grateful for the woman I share them with; my heart belongs to her and to them. They are the world, they are my world and I remember my father-in-law telling me us once that he loved every minute of his life with his daughter, even the shit ones. I know what that feels like now. I love my life and I love their lives._**

 ** _Polly pretends she doesn't like me but I know it's all an act. I think me shirtless and cuddling HRH might just turn her on a little bit._**

It's strange that something so small could turn everything upside down, although Iris doesn't seem to care. She just sleeps and eats. What we do remember is in the beginning that's all they do, sleep, cry and feed. In the attempt to get milk from a stone she takes her sweet time feeding and Polly still doesn't have much to offer. The kids are fascinated though and every time she wakes up Polly is overwhelmed with all three of them crowding around to see what's going on.

It's chaos the first day. Everyone wants a piece of her, Polly is tired but still buzzing and the kids just want to know what she is doing at every single minute of the day. It's not until they are all in bed that Sam gets more than a few minutes alone with his little girl. Polly is finally having a shower and even though she is asleep Iris is curled up on his chest. It's his time and it is literally the first time he's held her since he arrived at the hospital that morning; he got a cuddle then because there was no one else around.

"Well Iris, that's it, your first day in the world done and dusted. You did awesome baby girl." He was cradling her head and running his thumb back and forth behind her ear. Her dark hair was soft and silky, she was the spitting image of Alfie when he was born and Polly did bemoan the fact that yet again she missed out on the gene lottery. "What do you think? You like them hey? They love you."

"Look at you." Polly smiled when she saw them both. "How'd I know you'd be here with her?"

"I've been waiting all day."

"Still my favourite thing ever, seeing you with your babies."

"I find it hard to believe that yesterday she was all tucked up tight inside you."

"My body looks like she's still in there."

Sam dragged his eyes away from the tiny baby on his chest and watched Polly get dressed. He did love how despite feeling disgusted by her one-day postnatal body she never hid it from him. From the day Lola was born Sam had made her feel ok with her post baby body. She struggled to embrace it in the beginning but not once did he make her feel unattractive. As far as he was concerned her incredible body had now given him four beautiful lives and that was something only she could do and he was in awe of her each and every time. "You look fucking awesome."

"You are sweet."

"Just madly in love with you." He winked. "Come cuddle up with us." He laid Iris down between them and they spent time adoring her. It was going to be crazy for her, they had three others to take care of so brief moments at night might be all they get.

So each night they spent some time with Iris once everyone else was in bed. Most days it was the only time they got to spend alone with each other as well.

Sam heard Polly groaning and peeled his eyes open. It was still dark out so he knew it would be early. It was quiet in the room so Iris was obviously still sleeping. They had both been up a few times through the night as Iris tried to settle into a routine. She wasn't doing so great at it but she was only three days old so they cut her some slack. She had until the end of the week.

"Can I get you something?"

"My boobs Sam, they are like rocks. They hurt so fucking much." They had been here before, when Polly's milk came in there was no mistaking it but this seemed extreme though, they were red, swollen, veiny and her skin was so tight and hot. She got in the shower and the hot water did eventually offer the relief she hoped but it took a while. They had tried to wake Iris and get her to feed but she was a stubborn little mule and couldn't even get the nipple in her mouth because Polly was so engorged and refused to suck. If she didn't want to wake up there was no way to force her.

This was the side of parenting a newborn you never heard about, Polly was standing in the shower at 5am with hot water streaming over your rock hard boobs while Sam massaged them to get her to let down. The look of relief on Polly's face when she finally released some milk made Sam smile a little, dare he say she looked almost orgasmic. There was nothing remotely sexual about being three days post natal but it was worth it for that beautiful little girl who had stolen their hearts. Sam knew, from previous experience there was nothing he could do for Iris right now beyond loving her but he could help Polly be her mother.

As soon as Polly got some relief they could hear Iris finally deciding she was hungry, they were a little pissed with her because she'd been up all night and when they wanted her to wake she refused and then when she did wake she carried on like her throat had been cut. She then slept for four hours, much to her sibling's disgust and Polly wasn't impressed either, by the time she was awake Polly was engorged again. Now that she had milk available she could start expressing more and letting Sam get more involved, which he loved doing.

"Well this is fun." Polly rested her head on the back of the couch as Iris took her own sweet time. "You need to sort your shit out Iris." She was getting on and off, dozing off then waking again and rooting around for the nipple and sucking like mad, making herself choke and gag. It seemed she hadn't got the hang of actually having milk available.

"Is she done?" Kim found them dozing on the couch. Sam had gone to work and Adam had taken the kids to the beach. They'd heard Iris up and down all night and knew Polly had been up early.

"Probably. Do you want to take her?"

Kim scooped Iris out of her arms. "Go have a sleep, you look tired."

She felt like she had barely closed her eyes when the noise level in the house went from zero to a hundred when her Dad bought the kids back. Adam and Kim tried to hold them back but Alfie managed to sneak into his Mom's room and climb up onto the bed. "Mom." He whispered. "Wake up."

"Hello sweetheart."

"Can I have a cuddle? You are always cuddling Iris."

Polly moved aside so he could snuggle in beside her. Her sweet little boy just wanted some time alone with his Mom. Kim stuck her head through the door and found him curled up with Polly; she wasn't surprised. The first thing he asked when he got home was where his Mom was. Polly just smiled and Kim left them alone.

"Did you have fun at the beach?"

"We did, Pops is so silly. He lied on the beach and we covered him with sand."

"He always is silly. Did you go for a swim?" She could feel his hair was still a little damp.

"Yes, with Pops. Lola got smashed by a wave." He giggled.

"Is she okay?"

"Yep, Pops helped her. She was grumpy for a bit but she's happy now. There were lots of people and a dog; he was cute. His name was Scoop. Can we have a dog too?"

"No we can't."

"Because of Iris?"

"Yes because of Iris and also because Daddy can't have a dog when he's working with other animals in case they get sick and then he can't bring them home to help make them better." They had been told this constantly and they did feel a little guilty that they were missing out on having their own pet but the animals they got to interact with regularly more than made up for that. Not every kid got to feed giraffes, play with meerkats, kangaroos or cuddle koalas. "And when we go home we wouldn't be able to take it with us and that would be sad."

"This is home." For Alfie at least he didn't remember that they once lived in America. This is the only home he knew, they talked to him about America, why their family was so far away and that one day they would go back but he never really understood.

"Yes it is. This is our home for now but one day soon we will have a new home and that's okay as long as we are all together that's where home is." It was certainly something that they had talked about recently and for now they were happy to stay a little longer. How they coped once Polly's parents left though was yet to be seen.

Alfie closed his eyes for a few minutes and Polly hoped he might fall asleep but he was still wriggling about. "When Iris is big can we take her to the beach?"

"Of course we can."

"I wish she was big now."

"Maybe when Dad gets home we can all go for a walk to the beach. Would you like that?"

He smiled and then his brow furrowed. "You can't take her swimming though, she's too little and the waves might hurt her."

Polly assured him that Iris wouldn't go for a swim and they would make sure she was kept well away from the waves.

Adjusting to life with a new baby was going to take time, for everyone.

They also had Polly's birthday to navigate. Now on your birthday it's a house rule that you do as little as possible. Not quite as easy for Polly this year as she has someone who demands an audience with her every couple of hours but apart from feeding Iris that is the extent of her permissible exertion for the day and with her parents here she has 6 people to fuss over her.

Sam had taken the kids out shopping for a present. They had wanted to take the Queen with them but she was unlikely to do anything but slow them down. Her input wasn't required. It was a feat in itself to get them all pointing the same direction when it came to a present though and in the end Kim gave them all ten dollars to buy whatever they wanted for their mom because they couldn't agree on one present. Not that this was any easier. They can't count and keeping them in the ten-dollar limit was painful.

From Sam decided to buy her a necklace from Tiffany's, she loved that little blue box and each of the kids could pick a charm. He hadn't thought it through very well, as those charms were dearer than he expected. Lola chose a snowflake as Polly had mentioned how much she missed a white Christmas and she thought it was beautiful like her Mom, Alfie got her a blue heart because 'I love Mom with my heart' and Sam got a little luggage tag, symbolic as he bought her out here away from her family and had it engraved with a heart and his name. Mae just about passed out with excitement when she found they did a Rhino, 'just like my Rhino and Ada' and Sam passed out from the price. The kids chose the crown for Iris, because she was their queen. If anyone deserved it though it was Polly. She'd go ape shit at him for spending so much but he didn't care. Her parents insisted on paying for the necklace though.

Birthdays in this house are a big thing; the day of your birth is a one-day when you are treated like a king or queen.

Alfie, Lola and Mae each gave their Mom the present they had bought for her and she loved them. They were quirky like them. Mae had bought her a cactus of all things and Sam filled her in and the shenanigans that went on trying to buy them before he hands over the little blue box. "It's from all of us." Alfie is buzzing, he loves this stuff and it's a struggle to get him to let Polly open her own presents. It's a rule that Sam has; on your birthday you get to open your own presents. "We picked it."

"Shh Alfie." Lola pressed one finger to her mouth and shushed him.

"It's so beautiful." Polly was a little stunned by the necklace and Sam explained that Adam and Kim had bought the necklace and they'd picked the rest.

"Guess which charm I picked?" Mae wasn't much better than her brother with keeping it together.

"Hmmm, let me see." She ran her fingers over the charms. "I would say the Rhino is from my sweet Mae." She nodded enthusiastically.

"The snowflake is from Lola, because we talked about the snow and a white Christmas didn't we sweetheart?"

Lola was beaming. "We did. I picked it because it's beautiful like you." Polly kissed her cheek sweetly and whispered in her ear how much she loved her.

"And the crown is from our little queen?" Iris was sound asleep in her grandfather's arms but the kids didn't want her to miss out on the fun.

"Yes and me, what's mine?" Alfie had struggled to hold the words inside. He'd been so patient as he waited.

"My little blue heart." She squeezed his hand. "And you are my heart Alfie." The luggage tag with Sam's name engraved on it was perfect. She asked him to put it on for her.

Polly held her hand over it. "Thank you Sam, it's beautiful."

"Happy Birthday Sweetheart, from all of us. I'm so happy you were born."

"Me too." Alfie blurted out. "Me too."


	66. Alfie's terrible, no good, very bad day

**_And then there is the great kidnapping fiasco. In this country there is an infamous incident when a Dingo stole a baby…and for a brief moment I wonder if a Dingo or some other random beast from this nutty country has taken my baby._**

 ** _But no, it was not one of the 1000 rogue animals that wander this wild country that pilfered the baby; it was an almost five year old. So the mystery of who took the baby was solved quite quickly and without the need of the local constabulary, we just needed to work out what prompted the larceny._**

 ** _Her majesty is asleep downstairs, she sleeps down here during the day so we can keep her close and she can get used to the hustle and bustle of life in the circus tent. The Queen Mother is asleep upstairs; we've had a few rough nights with HRH as she is still working out this life thing so Polly tries to grab a few naps throughout the day when HRH is recharging her batteries for another round. Her night time routine seems to be eat, cry, nap, eat, do whatever she bloody well likes, eat and then the sun comes up and her daytime routine kicks in and she sleeps all day, probably because she's tired from being awake all night. She's nocturnal and we don't like it._**

 ** _"_** ** _She's in his room." GB appears, breathless, anxious and way too eager to dob. I remind her to keep it down to a dull roar, heaven forbid we interrupt the HRH daytime sleep habit and ask her what the hell she is talking about. "She's in his room. HRH is in his room."_**

 ** _Yep sure she is. GB drags me by the hand, I throw a cursory glance to her bassinette on the way past and it's empty. My heart does beat a little faster. I check for dingos._**

 ** _Nope, there she is, lying on her blanket, which was neatly arranged on TT's floor and curiously watching her brother as he is lying down facing his sister whispering quietly about all his trains that surround them. "This is my favourite, you can play with it if you like." He tells her sweetly._**

 ** _It's hard to be angry with him, it's bloody adorable but he did steal her from her bed, by climbing up on a stool and then carried her upstairs by himself. I mean he is very sweet with her, he's gentle and likes to tell people how precious she is BUT he's four, almost five he reminds us daily and carrying your two-week-old sister up stairs is fraught with danger, although that's not my biggest concern._**

 ** _How the hell do I tell the Queen Mother? This is going to be my fault._**

 ** _The answer to that is to fall back onto my old faithful…. 'I'm sorry….' And it fails and because we don't like to make TT feel terrible the Queen mother needs to yell at someone…_**

 ** _"_** ** _What the hell were you doing?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _Making lunch…What? Was I supposed to sit and watch her sleep?" Considering that's all she does all day it seems a monumental waste of time._**

 ** _"_** ** _Try supervising. He could have hurt her? He could have dropped her?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _But he didn't." I feel like I have to defend the other male in the house, I can't hang him out to dry that wouldn't be fair because I might need him in the future._**

 ** _"_** ** _What if he did?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _But he didn't."_**

 ** _"_** ** _What if he fell over while he was holding her?"_**

 ** _"_** ** _But he didn't."_**

 ** _"_** ** _This is your fucking fault."….conversation over._**

Mae had walked into Alfie's room and gasped. "You've got the baby?"

Alfie did not even look up at Mae. "We are playing with my trains. Go away."

"I'm telling Dad."

She was down stairs in a flash. Alfie didn't really care; he was having the time of his life with his sister. He just adored her, he didn't care that she didn't do anything. He always wanted to help his Mom or Dad take care of her, he'd hand them a nappy when she needed to be changed, sing to her when she was crying and help with her bath.

Mae was a little bored with her and wanted her to do something other than 'cry all night'. Lola loved her and loved playing mother; which concerned Sam no end. She needed to not like babies for a long, long time yet. Just a few months ago she wanted to be sterilised and now she is all over this baby thing.

Right now Lola was out with MiMi and Pops; she had wanted to go shopping with them because she wanted to buy something for HRH. Mae wasn't interested, it was too hot outside and Alfie just wasn't a shopper. Sam was getting lunch organised while Polly slept at the same time as Iris. With her parents going home soon she needed to make the most of it.

They had decided that Sam would stay at work until her parents left. It was unnecessary to have such a house full when they were still here to help Polly out so she didn't need to have Sam hanging around too. When they left he was taking two weeks off, the kids would be back at school and Sam and Polly could just spend time with Iris and he was looking forward to that.

Sam loved the weekends though even though things often went sideways, fuckenings seemed to happen on weekends for some reason but it was nice to spend time with them all and recharge. It really was a circus and it always bought you back to earth with a thud.

"She's in his room." Mae was breathless, prancing around like she needed to pee and slightly hysterical.

"Who sweetie?"

"She's in his room. Iris is in Alfie's room. He took her." She can barely catch her breath "He stole her."

"What are you talking about?" Mae grabbed her Dad's hand and dragged him upstairs. Glancing at the empty bassinette with the stool beside it did make his heart almost stop. He was often caught

It was pretty bloody cute watching Alfie talking to his sister. He just looked so happy. "I like this one too." He showed her another train, he did have a lot of them and they were constantly finding them in Iris's bed. As he placed it in her hand her reflexes made her grab it and Alfie was in heaven, the smile that lit up his face was spectacular. He didn't even really care that Mae dobbed on him.

"Alfie buddy, what are you doing?"

"Showing Iris my trains." He smiled but didn't look at his Dad. "Look she's holding it."

"I can see. How did she get in here?"

"I was careful."

"Did you bring her up?"

"I was careful. I held her head. I bought her blanket too. See" He pointed to her blanket, neatly spread out around her as his bottom lip started to quiver. "I was careful."

Sam didn't want to upset him. It was sweet that he wants to spend time with Iris but he can't carry her around. He's four and she's two weeks old and does random body movements occasionally. She's a law unto herself and even Sam has had the odd moment where he's almost dropped her, not that that's unusual, none of their kids had escaped the odd tumble from their arms, the couch, a bed or off their knee.

"I told you he stole the baby." Mae seemed to have taken over Lola's hall monitor role lately. She was happy to report on anyone's bad behaviour, slip of the tongue or bad attitude, anyone but her own obviously.

"I didn't steal Iris. She wanted to come to my room, she told me."

"She can't talk." Mae was having none of this. She had been told she couldn't carry Iris around and it wasn't fair that Alfie had done it and wasn't getting in trouble for it. They were navigating a new baby along with how it was affecting the other people in the house and those little humans and how they were coping were just as important to them as Iris was.

"She talks to me." Alfie was adamant that Iris wanted to be here. Sam decided he needed to step in, Alfie was getting upset and Mae was riling him up with her attitude.

"Okay. Now Mae, thank you for letting me know. You can go now." Sam rubbed her back lightly and asked her to leave. He knelt down beside Alfie and Iris. "Alfie buddy. If you want to show Iris things you need to let us know. She's a little baby and we need to make sure she is safe and we need to know where she is all the time. You can't be taking her out of her bed without letting us help, okay?"

He nodded sadly and just looked like his whole world was caving in. Sam kissed his forehead before picking up Iris who had dozed off while Sam was sorting it out, she just didn't seem to care, while she could be a nightmare at night during the day she was calm and easy-going. Alfie was heartbroken. "I just want to play with her." He sobbed. "I didn't hurt her, I promise. I was careful."

"Alfie, come on man. Iris is too little to play yet you know this. I promise when she wakes up next you can have a cuddle but please don't carry her around without either Mommy or Daddy to help you."

"I love her Daddy." His little heart was broken and he couldn't hold the tears in anymore as he covered his face with one hand while he was still clutching the train in the other.

"I know Bud, we all love Iris." Sam now had both of them on his lap just as Polly came charging in. Sam looked at her and shook his head, he knew she was about to fly off the handle but Alfie didn't need it. Mae had obviously marched straight into their room and woken her mother. Her dobbing was next level lately and Sam was annoyed with her for waking Polly up but they'd deal with her later.

Sam handed Iris to her mother and she exhaled slowly.

"This is not fair." Mae was pissed. "Alfie stole the baby. He's not allowed to do that."

"Mae, thank you for your help." Sam was trying to console Alfie who was getting more and more upset and Mae continuing to carry on like a pork chop wasn't helping. Polly hadn't said anything but he had looked at his Mom and knew she wasn't happy with him.

"I just wanted to show her my trains. She loves them; I wanted to share. Sharing is nice." Alfie yelled at his sister. "Just because she doesn't like you."

"She does like me." Talk about spiralling out of control. This was getting ridiculous. They expected some jealousy but they weren't prepared for this. They thought it would be the kids being jealous of Iris, not being jealous of each other because they were fighting over whom Iris loved more. Perhaps they should tell them that Iris loved her Mother and that was about it right now.

"It is nice, buddy but Iris is too little. Right now we share cuddles with her, not toys."

As soon as Alfie had calmed down and was happy to keep playing Sam found Polly in their bedroom in tears. "Hey, it's okay." He rubbed her back softly as she cuddled Iris. "Iris is okay."

"He could've dropped her."

"I know, I know but lucky he didn't. It was kind of sweet though, he loves her so much." Sam kissed her forehead. "I think he is shocked enough not to do it again."

"I can't believe he took her. What was he thinking?"

"He was thinking he loves her and wants to share his favourite things with his baby sister." Alfie was doing it a little tough. His big sisters were bossing him around, telling him that he was too little to hold the baby; that he was the only boy and when he was a sook. They could be right royal bitches at the moment and Sam and Polly felt sorry for him. "Lola and Mae are constantly telling him to go away and he probably thinks Iris is his only hope."

"Sam, imagine if something happened to her."

"I don't want to because nothing happened. She's fine. He won't do it again." Polly was on the edge. She was tired and coupled with Iris not sleeping well at night it was making her even more emotional than normal. She was a hot mess right now and Sam just wanted her to relax and rest and enjoy Iris. Having the kids bitching and carrying on was the last thing he needed right now.

The school holidays couldn't come to and end quick enough, everyone had had enough of each other and was getting cranky, especially as they didn't get to go out much because it was hot and Iris was too little to be out for too long. They got out with their grandparents often enough but it was obvious they needed to be with their parents too. They also needed to spend time with other people away from each other and school was always good for that.

Alfie was having a rough time of it. He had wanted to play with his sister's the previous day and they told him to go away after he had stepped on one of Mae's dolls and squashed its head. Lola and Mae were all about playing hospitals at the moment and Mae had 'given birth' to about five babies already that day.

Lola screeched at him when he stepped on the doll and Mae admonished him. "This is why you can't touch Iris."

"No, I can."

"No you can't. You'll hurt her. You are too little."

"I'm not little." He was defiant and he was learning to stick up for himself but he quickly lost his courage and confidence and he usually backed down. "You are mean."

"Go away Alfred." Alfie hated being called Alfred. It was only when he was in trouble that anyone called him Alfred and Lola knew it would push his buttons. "What if you step on Iris's head? She'll die."

"I won't. Don't say that." He was really starting to struggle to keep it together.

Kim found him in his room playing by himself. The girls had come down for some lunch and Alfie was nowhere to be seen which was unlike him when food was involved. "Hey Alfie, are you hungry?"

"No thank you." He looked up sadly at his MiMi and returned to playing with his trains. "I just want to play by myself."

"Why?" MiMi came and sat on the floor with him. "Can I play too?" He just shrugged and muttered _'okay.'_

They played quietly for a little while and Kim was watching him and it struck her how sad he seemed. Now that Iris was home and it had settled down a little Sam and Polly were trying to make sure that everyone was getting some attention. It was keeping Kim and Adam busy herding the three of them while making sure that Polly was getting enough rest. The pregnancy and birth had really taken it out of her more than the others. She tried to get a nap in the middle of the day when Iris was sleeping and Sam tried to get home from work early to spend time with his family.

"Alfie sweetheart. Would you like a cuddle?"

"Yes." He climbed into his MiMi's lap and clutched his trains and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep. Kim tried to ask him what was wrong but he just said he was sad and he missed his Dad and loved Iris very much. Kim sat with him for a while before putting him into his bed. She asked Lola and Mae why Alfie was sad and they said they didn't know.

Neither Alfie or the girls mentioned anything about the fight they had, it didn't come out until much later the next day well after he took Iris from her bed.

"Pops." Mae literally screamed at her grandfather when they got home. "Alfie stole Iris. He carried her upstairs all by himself."

"Really?" He looked at Sam who was rolling his eyes.

"Thank you Mabel. How about you just give it a rest, Hey? We've talked to Alfie, leave him alone and mind your own business." He'd had enough of her, she was carrying on and on about it. Although she had alerted Sam it was her attitude that annoyed him, then waking her mother up and berating Alfie several times since had pushed Sam a little too far. "Next time you mention it you can go to your room. Enough."

Unfortunately Mae dragged Lola into it. "You know Alfie didn't even get in trouble he just cried like a baby." Lola was too busy getting involved to notice her Dad's icy glare when she stood in front of Alfie and asked him what he was thinking.

Lola's hands were on her hips and she was standing over him. "You are too little to carry Iris. I told you yesterday. That's very dangerous."

"Stop it." He screamed at her. "Stop being mean. I don't like you anymore." It was escalating at an alarming rate and Sam had to step in. He told Lola to back off, Alfie to stop yelling and everyone needed to take a deep breath; including him.

Alfie was crumbling faster than a sandcastle at high tide. Every time Mae bought it up he would get upset and Sam found him crying in his room several times. He'd bring him back down and spent as much time with him as he could while dealing with Mae, telling Lola to butt out and making sure Polly wasn't stressing out.

It was if Iris could sense the tension in the house and in her mother and was suddenly unsettled and demanding all of Polly's attention. She wanted to feed and then would piss fart around, she would scream if she was put down and Sam could see Polly getting frustrated with her and the carry on in the house. The kids were pushing his buttons and despite being told to leave their brother alone they continued to niggle him and he would react to even a sideways glance. They needed a time out.

He asked Kim and Adam to look after Mae and Lola while he took Alfie out. They went down the park and kicked a ball around and he loved it and Sam enjoyed spending time with him too. He cuddled Iris for a while when they got back, she'd got over her temper tantrum, and he talked to her about his very bad day. It was adorably cute listening to him apologise to her _'but I love you very much Bug.'_

It broke their hearts when he just burst into tears. Their poor devastated little boy, it was like being stabbed in the heart repeatedly. "Alfie, come on Buddy don't cry. Iris loves you so much. Let's all have a cuddle." Sam sat with him, arm around his shoulder and he beckoned Polly to join them, she had tears running down her face, she hated seeing her little boy so upset. Her own emotions were still all over the shop and this wasn't helping.

"I just want to love Iris."

"We know you do."

"I won't hurt her. I didn't mean to stand on Mae's doll and squash it. They said that's why I can't hold Iris because I will hurt her and she'll die." It all spilled out of him and he was devastated.

"Okay, Alfie what's going on? Who said you'd hurt Iris?" Polly was stunned while Sam was angry. He was angry with the girls; this wasn't good enough. They knew better, especially Lola.

"Lola told me I can't hold her because I am too little. But I can, I carried her and I was careful and she liked it. She likes me."

"Of course she does. Alfie sweetheart please don't worry. We know you love Iris and wouldn't hurt her. Even we need to be careful with Iris because she is so little." Polly did her best to reassure him. "You can't take her like that though, it's not safe for Iris or for you. We don't want you to get hurt either but we need to keep Iris safe and taking her up the stairs by yourself was dangerous. You both could have fallen and hurt yourself and Daddy and I would be very upset if you got hurt."

"Why don't Lola and Mae like me anymore?"

Well if that wasn't a knife to the heart. "Oh Alfie, they do like you, they love you so much. It was just a bad day."

Adam and Kim took the girls out for dinner with their tails between their legs. Sam was not happy with them in the slightest and told them as much. "How dare you tell your brother that he would hurt Iris and she might die." He ranted and they looked suitably shocked and upset by their Dad's outburst. They didn't often yell at the kids so when Sam let loose they knew they were in trouble. "You should know better." He pointed at Lola. "How about no-one holds her, even you. That's it; you can go. I love you both but you have made me very angry. I am disappointed in both of you."

Sam and Polly spent the time making sure Alfie knew how much they loved him and trusted him and gave him plenty of time with Iris.

They were a bit stunned by it all but Alfie seemed to love being with them and didn't want to talk about it anymore. He was obviously craving some attention but being so young still he just didn't know how to ask for it, he didn't understand what he was feeling. They felt bad for not noticing. Perhaps it would have been better if Sam had taken time off from the start? While it was great having his Pops and MiMi around he obviously just wanted his Mom and Dad.

Sam jumped in the bath with him and Polly stripped off Iris and gave her to Sam. They let Alfie play with her legs and help her kick them and for once she seemed to like her bath which wasn't a given, she was all over the shop with it but if she had a full belly she generally tolerated a bath. Perhaps having Sam hold her made her feel safe as well. Alfie wanted Polly to join them but seeing as she gave birth a couple of weeks ago it wasn't feasible for her to have a bath right now, it would not have been pleasant for anyone so she sat on a stool next to them and enjoyed watching her little boy and his baby sister being loved by their Dad.

They let them both lie on the floor and Alfie's face was alive as he talked to his sister. They had a picnic on the floor for dinner and when he went to bed Polly took Iris in with her and Alfie got to hold her hand while he drifted off. She was also asleep so Polly popped her into bed and joined Sam downstairs. "Well that was a surprise." He turned off the TV as she sat down next to him.

"He's doing it tough hey, I thought he was doing okay. He adores Iris."

"The other two need to pull their heads in." Sam was still a bit pissed off with them. They knew better, or at least Lola did. He hated that Alfie was so upset today and they both hated that they missed that he had it rough yesterday as well. It was always going to be tough for him being the only boy but today obviously pushed him over the edge.

"He can't take Iris like that."

"No, I think he was scared enough today that he won't do it again." Sam placed a cushion in Polly's lap and lay down. She ran her fingers through his hair and he closed his eyes, he missed her and it was nice to get a few minutes alone that wasn't as they were going to bed. "And those little biatches need to leave my boy alone."

Polly patted his chest and laughed. "Oh look at my man puffing his chest out and going all alpha male protecting his little boy."

"Hey, we are outnumbered. I can't leave him hanging."

The peace didn't last long; Iris woke up starving as usual. Sam went up and got her and one whiff of her mother's boobs and she was furiously trying to get it in her mouth. "Settle petal." Polly grimaced as she latched on and went at her like she was possessed. Sam would give her the next bottle, that was his time and he was so happy when Polly finally started expressing and letting him feed her. "I feel a little sad like Alfie." He pouted as he watched Iris feeding. "When she's finished will you cuddle me too?"

"Don't say that." Polly wasn't ready for Sam's jokes. Seeing Alfie so upset had hurt her, she was heartbroken for her little boy. "It's too soon Sam."

Then the tribe came barrelling in through the door. Apparently Adam and Kim had given them a good talking to and they both apologised to their parents for being mean to Alfie. "Where is he? I want to tell him I'm sorry." Mae was the most upset, Lola still had a bit of resting bitch face about her.

"He's asleep so you can apologise tomorrow."

"Is he okay?"

"He is now but he was very upset. He loves Iris just as much as you do. He would never hurt her."

"But he could have hurt her today?" Lola started to protest. "It's not fair he didn't get in trouble."

"Excuse me?" That got Sam's back up again. "He did get in trouble, for your information Charlotte and he is sorry and has promised not to do it again. What I don't need is for you two to carry on like this. It's hard for Alfie, he's still little and he's trying to figure things out and you being mean to him doesn't help. You know why he took Iris today?" Polly wasn't sure Sam needed to go there but she knew better than to try and stop him. "Do you? He took her because he wanted to show everyone that Iris loved him and that he can look after her because you told him he couldn't and he thinks that you two don't like him."

"I'm sorry Dad." Mae burst into tears and Lola finally caved in as well.

"I know. So that's it, no more being mean to your brother. That's not what we do in this family, that's not how we treat each other." Sam beckoned them both towards him and they seemed reluctant but they did as they were told and hugged their Dad. "We love you both so much just as much as we love Alfie and Iris."

When Sam finally came to bed Polly rolled over and snuggled into his side. "Thank you for loving my boy and for looking out for him tonight. You are such an awesome Dad to him."

"Polly, baby. We'll take care of him, both of us but if I have to do the heavy lifting while you take care of Iris then that's okay." He felt her tears on his bare shoulder. "It's okay Baby. He's okay."

"I want to help him. I can't believe Charlotte and Mabel said that to him." Sam did smile a little at Polly's use of their full names. She was annoyed with them too.

"Hey, do you think I should take leave now? Was it stupid going back to work?"

"No, I'd really rather you here when Mom and Dad leave. I don't think it would have made any difference if you were home or not."

"I don't know."

Polly propped herself up on her elbows. "Sam Sweetheart this is not your fault. We kinda knew it would be rough but neither of us could have predicted this."

"I know I just feel like I should be here for Alfie. I can take tomorrow off?"

Polly leant forward and kissed him softly. "I think he'd like that. You are my hero." She felt him smile against her lips. "What?"

"Kinda bummed you are only two weeks out from giving birth. You are kinda hot and turning me on right now." He teased her. "You know I've heard some people…."

She kissed him again playfully to shut his up and whispered. "Don't touch me." But he did touch her because he wrapped himself around his wife kissed the back of her neck and they both got a good hours sleep before Iris decided she needed just a touch more in her belly.

Alfie did love it, Sam had to go into work for an hour or so he took Alfie with him, not that Sam saw him, he was off with one of the other zookeepers when they went to check on the kangaroos. A joey had just recently started popping out of Mom's pouch. Alfie talked Hayden's ear off, about his sister, about her wombat and what he thought of Kangaroos.

When he finally caught up with them Alfie was ecstatic. "Look Dad, the joey is out." He was pointing to the gangly looking little joey sticking close to his Mom.

"Wow."

"He's so cute." Sam lifted him up and let him sit on his shoulders. "Oh he's going back in."

They stopped and had lunch on the way home. "You okay today Buddy?" Sam asked him as he knelt up on his seat and munched on his chips.

"Yep."

"You were sad yesterday?"

"I was, but not today." He was happily munching his way through a bowl of hot chips. Polly wouldn't really love that he was feeding him his favourite junk food but it was Alfie's day and Sam was going to let him have what he wanted. "Can we go home soon? I miss Iris."

He leant over and rubbed his hair. "Sure can."

"I want to tell her about the joey. She can't go back inside Mom can she?" Sam did cringe a little by the thought of it and also that he was about to get into a conversation that he really wasn't prepared for. He'd managed to stay pretty much oblivious to the finer details of how Iris got out.

"No she can't."

"Mommy doesn't have a pouch?"

"That's right."

"I don't want to go to school." While Sam was relieved to change the subject, it was a little random. They had talked about school a bit lately, the new school year was rushing up at them and Polly was looking forward to having them go back it did mean a lot of organising and running around in the mornings and afternoons but it would give her all day to focus on Iris. It was hard to manage all four of them and at the moment they had help but soon it would just be them and after the first two weeks of the school year it would just be Polly.

"Why not?"

"I think Mom needs my help. She might miss me."

"She will miss you everyday but you have to go to school Alfie."

"Why?"

"For many reasons, it's good for you to learn, your friends are at school and it's the law."

"Oh and Pops won't let me break the law."

"No way." Sam shook his head. "And you love school and we love listening to what you learnt each day, we love reading with you and I'll tell you a secret." He beckoned him closer. "When I go to work each day Mom misses me but that's okay because it makes her love me even more."

"So if I go to school she will love me more and more?"

"Every day buddy."

"And Iris?"

"Iris too. It won't be long and she will be laughing and smiling and when you get home she will be so excited to see you so she can play with you and learn new things."

Alfie slipped his hand into his Dad's as they made their way back to the car and he had a bit of a skip in his step.

Best thing Sam did that day was spend it with his son. The girls had apologised to him that morning and they had hugged each other, which was nice but it was the day with his Dad that really fixed his broken heart.


	67. Holy Shit

**_Shit got real…._**

 ** _Now we love HRH, she's sweet, cuddly and loves boobs and…no that's about it….she loves boobs. Can't say I blame her for that, I love her mother's boobs too, they are spectacular and judging by HRH's weight gain working a treat._**

 ** _She's never loved sleeping at night, but now she's extended this terrible habit to include days as well. We've had a bit of a chat, told her we love our sleep but she just taunts us by sleeping for four hours one night and four minutes the next._**

 ** _HRH has turned everyone's world upside down but we would REALLY like her to sleep more or we may have to consider kicking her and her mother out of the house. I've got the majority support for this after last night's effort. Last night was a nightmare; she literally screamed from 2am until 4 and woke everyone else up in the process. Polly ate a broccoli salad for dinner last night, which was one of her favourites. Broccoli however is now on the banned goods list, along with beetroot (just because it tastes like utter crap). It's the second time she's had it and the second time HRH has suffered and when she suffers we all suffer right along with her._**

 ** _Even TT lost it with her, and he's always the last one to crack. We know she's gone too far when her brother decides she's not much chop. He's got ears like a bat that boy and I tried to blame his mother for his language, after all she was to blame for the whole 'little fucker' fiasco but this was probably my fault. TT loves his sleep and he loves saying good morning to his baby sister, this morning he not so sweetly told her that she needed to 'sort her shit out.'_**

 ** _We love her…we really do._**

 ** _Many years ago TT caused the mother of all drama when he 'prissed' in his sister's face. LZ was thoroughly unimpressed, her language was alarming especially when she told her mother that TT needed to crawl back into her vagina where he came from, he was ten months old at this stage. I felt slightly proud that she knew that he came out of a vagina and slightly concerned about how she knew this and what precisely she thought a vagina was capable of doing._**

 ** _Turns out she was heading downhill to appendicitis at the same time so her attitude left a lot to be desired, not that we had any idea until she appeared well after bedtime to tell us she felt sick and preceded to spew on the stairs. Less than 24hours later she was surgery._**

 ** _But we moved on and until HRH arrived we all managed to keep our bodily waste to ourselves but HRH is a law unto herself. It always confounded me at how often babies shit (yes, we are speaking Australian…the word Poop is roundly ridiculed here.) GB was a shit machine, four, five, six times a day without fail. TT wasn't much better but HRH is a once every three days type of girl._**

 ** _So that's three days of build up, and god help the person holding her when the cork blows out. We have been known to be up at 3am having a shower with her while one of us changes the sheets because obviously the middle of the night is the best time to shit the bed. Her best effort to date had been when it was so far up her back that we had to wash her hair. Until today, today she surpassed herself._**

 ** _Needless to say we had to call in a HAZMAT team to clean the bathroom after she shat in the bath. She was swimming in it._**

 ** _Any way that was the least of our worries because of her three day routine she is often covered in shit as are we but today was extra special, today she shared it around. Unfortunately not only did HRH have a shit bath but so did her sisters. Which of course lead to other unwelcomed consequences. LZ spewed. GB spewed and TT…..well he's a boy. Bodily fluids don't faze him and he was having a shower anyway, he didn't want to get in the bath with the girls. He's developed this lord like attitude about being the only boy and right now he is laughing at his spewing sisters, which just makes them angry._**

 ** _TT is finding his feet, he's back on track and developing a thicker skin. He doesn't seem to put up with his sister's crap anymore and that makes for some amusing confrontations. We flip back and forth on whether to step in and put a stop to it or let them work it out themselves. The girls have certainly been shocked a few times when they worked out they can't push him around anymore._**

 ** _So HRH shat in the bath, LZ and GB were, up until that moment enjoying bathing with their sister. It started a chain reaction. LZ went first, GB followed, Polly was gagging and I walked into a crime scene._**

 ** _This reminds us of a time when we learnt the hard way that stomach flu, or gastro as they call it here can run rife through our house. It's like dominos, there is always a ground zero, the first domino to fall and despite spending hours scrubbing every surface, washing everything they may have touched you can bet your bottom dollar you missed one little germ and patient number 2 falls soon after, then 3 and 4._**

 ** _It was a perfect storm, it coincided with Polly discovering that she was pregnant with TT and what started as a mildly annoying case of gastro turned into a nine month long struggle to deliver a healthy baby….she did by the way. Our termite was perfect, still is…some days._**

 ** _Anyway you'd think vomit wouldn't worry us, like we'd seen bucket loads of the stuff, but this….this was nasty. This was wrong; this was horrific. I want to cry._**

 ** _All because a gorgeous little four week old baby chose that precise moment to blow the cork out._**

 ** _As we said…we love her._**

It was a typical evening; well it was their new typical evening. Now that Kim and Adam had gone home and they were learning how to herd their cats without an extra pair of hands or two. Sam was cooking dinner while Polly was bathing the kids; generally this was the fun part. Mae and Alfie loved playing in the bath together, Lola usually had a shower while they were in the bath but tonight she decided she wanted in on the fun and Alfie was having none of it. He wanted a shower because "I'm not having a bath with them."

Polly was feeding Iris and decided to strip her off and pop her in with her siblings. They loved having a bath with her because she loved it, they would play with her hands and feet and it seemed to calm her. Bathing was one thing she had figured out, after screaming for the first two weeks of her life every time she hit the water she now loved it.

"Sam." Polly bellowed. "Sam."

He bolted upstairs and Alfie was coming out of the bathroom with his towel haphazardly wrapped around him and he was smiling, nothing bothered him and he'd already added to the havoc. He's developed this ability to drop a bombshell and walk out before it explodes. Slowly but surely he is getting payback for four years of torture. It's still hit and miss and doesn't always work out for him but today he hit the jackpot. "Oh that's disgusting. I told you girls are disgusting, you are going to stink forever." He laughed and left.

Stepping into the bathroom Sam was horrified. "What the f….?"

There was shit and vomit everywhere. Polly was holding Iris up and it was dripping off her and she gagged. "Take her." Sam scrambled for a towel to wrap her in; he didn't want to touch any of it while Lola and Mae were in tears and trying to get out of the bath, dragging all that shit and vomit out with them.

"What happened?"

"Iris shat herself." Lola blubbered. "It's revolting." They couldn't even be annoyed at Lola's language.

Mae was sobbing. "I spewed Daddy." She actually had vomit in her hair, courtesy of Lola's impeccable aim. "Lola spewed on me."

There were four girls in this house and every one of them was crying. Sam turned on the shower and ushered Lola and Mae into it while Polly was still gagging as she tried to empty the bath. Once they got the girls out Sam stripped off and Polly handed him Iris. "You haven't exactly covered yourself in glory tonight darlin'."

"I think she's done her dash of bathing with her sisters." Polly lamented as she went in search of Lola and Mae. Alfie was making hay while the sun shined, he'd scrambled into his PJ's and was downstairs watching exactly what he wanted to watch on TV. After a bath they got to watch TV until dinner was ready. Alfie often didn't get to choose as he was always the last one down but he was smart, he saw an opportunity and took it.

Even through the running water Sam could hear the precise moment the girls realised that Alfie was in control of the TV.

"Oh Iris, you are making your mark. You are fitting into this tent just a little too well." She did love a shower now, like Lola had. Mae hated them and even today still preferred a bath and Alfie was easy, he'd do either. "Lucky we love you."

And they did, she was the queen of the house and the novelty hadn't worn off. Any chance the kids got they were talking to her, lying on the floor with her and arguing over who she loved the most. When they went out in the car it was a bit of a fight who got to sit next to her.

Alfie was still in control when Sam bought Iris down, he was clutching the remote like his life depended on it. The girls were still not overly impressed with her so Alfie was happy to give up the TV to lie down on the floor with her while she had some tummy time, which amounted to a few minutes usually. Alfie was lying on his tummy too. "See you can do it…" he encouraged her. "..it's fun, look at me Bug." He was cutely trying to show her how to lift her head.

Iris didn't love it but was getting better and she always had the kids around to watch over her and try to distract her. She did a little better at night when Sam would lie her belly down on his chest and talk to her. He learnt not to do it with his shirt off because she could grab a handful of skin like nobody's business. They all did, and a baby's grip was intense.

"Yay Bug." Alfie squealed. "She did it, she looked at me." It made his day, Iris had managed to lift her head briefly she looked a little shocked to see Alfie two inches from her face. She face planted straight away and even though Alfie was excited Iris just got angry and pissed off and cried. Lola and Mae were down on the floor in seconds but tummy time was over.

Sam's favourite part of the night was his feed time with Iris before bed. Like all the other's once Polly started expressing off enough milk he always gave them the last feed, usually while Polly showered and settled them into bed. Now Polly was usually in bed as soon as the other three were asleep, Iris was kicking her ass.

Early on it was hit and miss as to whether it was her last feed or not, she could take something at 10pm and then again at 11 or feed at 8 from Polly and not wake up until 1am. Iris and routine were mutually exclusive terms. She had no routine at all.

"Big day for you Bug. How about you reward yourself with a big long sleep?" It was wishful thinking and Sam groaned when barely two hours later she was awake. Polly staggered out, fed her and got her back into bed and that fortunately was the last they heard of her until almost 6am. She was so random; they were too old for this shit.


	68. Holiday Road

**_You know we've watched the Griswold's road trip disaster movies, we laugh because that will never happen to us..._**

 ** _That's what we keep telling ourselves. We want to give our humans all the opportunities to learn as they explore the world, see new things, meet new people, eat strange food and hopefully grow up into amazing women and men who look back on their childhoods and don't shudder. We just hope that we don't see them stand up in court and try and convince the judge the reason for their murderous rampage or why 14 people were buried in their backyard was because of their tragic upbringing. If we can avoid that we will feel somewhat successful._**

 ** _Giving our little humans a beautiful life and making them into good people, that's always been our aim._**

 ** _Sooooo…..for the first time we took all four of them away for a weekend. This was always our plan, to make the most of this opportunity and see as much of this country as we could while we are here. It's an incredible place and we feel lucky to have the chance to live here and immerse ourselves in this amazing, crazy country. Of course we had taken the three talking ones away many times, with varying degrees of success but this time we were bringing along a wildly random, helpless little human._**

 ** _HRH is easy to pack for though, her breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, evening snack and midnight meal are all packed in these magnificent containers. She has also been known to get the drunk munchies in the wee wee hours. It doesn't need refrigeration or cooking. It's just there and it's beautiful – I must admit I love watching Polly feed my babies, it makes me proud…of them, of her and a little bit proud of myself, I mean come on I helped make them. But throw in a few nappies (diapers sounds weird now right?) and some clothes and she's good to go. We also seem to be in that heavenly three day window so we may get there and back without incident, it's cutting it fine but we like living on the edge._**

 ** _The other three, fuck me cutting them down to one bag each is like telling them you are going to sever a leg. We are away for two nights, first one we arrive late driving up after school, we are out all day doing the tourist thing and then back the next day, they do not need all this shit. After much consternation, gnashing of teeth and growling I am allowed to pack a toothbrush and one pair of jocks, that's all the room I am allocated._**

 ** _By the time we all get in the car, and out again because the one sitting in the middle suddenly 'forgot' they needed to pee, and the mere mention of the word pee means that the other two suddenly decide they need to pee and then Polly needs to pee. I forgive her because, shit it wasn't that long ago she pushed a human out of her 'bagina and she can do whatever she god damn pleases. I pee just in case….all the while HRH sleeps in her car seat, probably peeing._**

 ** _So it's an hour past departure time and everyone is grumpy. LZ is bitching because GB is looking at her and she is squashed right up back and my teeny tiny bag with my toothbrush and pair of jocks is the only one that seems to be annoying her, TT is singing along to Holiday Road (this may be a bad omen), loudly and way out of tune but it is a long standing family tradition and then approximately twenty minutes in to our two hour trip HRH decides she is hungry and when the queen is hungry everything grinds to a halt._**

 ** _Good Times…..but it's all about the experience right? We are making better humans._**

 ** _Pulling into a servo (you know we are getting the hang of this Aussie slang) – aka a gas station we load the three talking ones up with some hot chips, they conveniently decide that the food that their mother has packed for dinner is not what they feel like and the carry on is annoying. Anyone would think we are trying to feed them sardines and vegemite on toast (yes vegemite is like eating something you stepped in) so in the end we give in._**

 ** _Polly enjoys the lasagne she packed while HRH tucks into her liquid meal. It's like gold and I contemplate asking her to share, because by the time I deal with the three chip monsters mine is cold, but that's something she hasn't learnt yet, sharing is not her strong point as she guzzles down one side then the other. She doesn't share her food or her mother. Fortunately there is a playground at the servo so that keeps the talking ones entertained for nary a minute – it's too hot, it's boring, the swing is broken the list of complaints is long and never-ending. I do briefly consider turning the car around but then they would be shitty at home, surely it's better to be shitty in a new place. Makes it more exotic._**

 ** _Now, our destination is a cool place called Ballarat, an old gold mining town with beautiful buildings that has a theme park called 'Sovereign Hill' which is a re-creation of the gold rush era of living._**

 ** _By the time we get there, it's late, they are tired and low and behold they are fucking hungry. I swear my cheese is a nanosecond away from slipping off its cracker. "Just call room service Daddy."…sure, let's pay $45 for a fucking toasted cheese sandwich, which is cold by the time it gets here and surprise surprise…they don't like it._**

 ** _They are up bright and early the next day, HRH makes sure of that. She's wailing by six, and because we are all sharing one room, it's one up all up. (The people next door my also be up…judging by the shady looks we get as we leave our Queen isn't loved by everyone. We feel like holding her up to the window to show them she's little and very cute.) Waiting for the joint to open is painful, they don't do waiting well and the place doesn't have a pool so 'it's boring, there is nothing to do, someone looked at me funny' and my personal favourite was GB screaming at herself, she is angry with her hair. Why? We have no fucking idea but it is entertaining and we do video it for prosperity. LZ is laughing at her, which makes her angrier and TT is bored, he really wants to go and HRH decides to sleep through it all and now they are worried that we won't leave until she wakes up. Did I mention they whinge a lot?_**

 ** _So by the time 10am rolls around we are first in the queue. We pan for gold, dip candles, have a carriage ride and wax and wane who gets to have the queen strapped to their chest. I must admit I don't mind looking after her, Polly lugged her around for nine months so it's only fair and that way I don't have to dip candles or squash into a tiny carriage to hurl around the dusty streets on a rickety, rough 'joy ride' and the ladies love it, she's a chick magnet. Except most of the chicks are over the age of 60 so that's a little disappointing._**

 ** _Panning for gold we didn't find our fortune but I do manage to let TT fall in the creek in our quest. I am pretty sure Polly thinks I pushed him in on purpose. She couldn't be further from the truth; I was falling and used him to save myself. IT WAS A REFLEX ACTION._**

 ** _We drop some acid…literally. They have these awesome boiled lollies called Acid Drops, Polly and I drop half a jar in the vain hope that they contain more than just sugar. All it does is make HRH cranky when all that sugar hits her belly, she's pissed and then she shits and that is the end of the Acid tripping. Even the thought of them now makes me shudder as the vision of what it did to my darling daughter comes rushing back._**

 ** _Due to the fact that I was only allowed to bring a toothbrush and one pair of jocks I am now sporting a very fetching 'Sovereign Hill' polo shirt because as previously discussed when HRH blows a cork it gets a little messy and seeing as she was strapped to my chest, it's summer so she's not wearing a lot there isn't much hope of her nappy holding it in and not only is she covered in it, so am I. This is the life…_**

 ** _They do lamplight tours where you can tour the town after dark and LZ & GB love it and I love the couple of hours I get to spend with just them. They are awesome little girls and they love to learn and have a million questions and I am proud to be their Dad, not quite the chick magnet HRH is but that's okay, I prefer their love and adoration anyway. TT loves his Mom and decides that curling up on the bed and watching a movie with her is far more educational. I'd love to get 'educational' with her too just quietly._**

 ** _Listening to LZ & GB talk about their day and whether they would want to live in an 1850's gold mining village as they sat up in their bunk beds made for an entertaining evening and even better they were out like lights shortly after. And for the record they don't and surprisingly it's the lack of air conditioning that bothers them the most. We thought it would be the lack electronic gadgets that would do them in. No doubt at some point over the next day or so GB will write a more extensive list, it's what she does._**

 ** _HRH decided to sleep after her effort of shitting out all that sugar. Her sugar high had worn off and she crashed and I got to cuddle my wife…..fully clothed. She has investigated whether it is healthy for me to wear a condom 24/7, only taking it off to pee and I can tell you this conversation did not end well for either of us. It was a little tense._**

 ** _The trip home is quite frankly fucking horrific…..the talking ones are tired, they want to sleep and usually we love this time, it's quiet, we get to listen to the music we want, we have an adult conversation that does not involve any variation of 'I spy with my little eye…' sometimes Polly might touch me and it's as close to heaven as we can get…except we now have that wildly random helpless human who seems just a touch angry._**

 ** _We know what's wrong with her, she's drying out. After one day getting high on sugar, she's an addict and the detox is unpleasant. She has sucked Polly dry several times today trying to get her hit._**

 ** _TT is over it, he goes into full on whinge mode, it's like nails on a chalkboard and he gives up eventually and falls asleep. GB is begging LZ for the back seat, which she obviously refuses and tells her sister to 'suck it up and stop whinging' as she puts her headphones on and does her best to block it all out so GB is left trying with increasing frustration to get HRH to suck on her dummy. She's about a nanosecond away from telling her to STFU._**

 ** _This is officially a fuckening and it's the worse kind of fuckening because it's happening the car, it's a confined space. There is no escape and I do wonder if I get caught for speeding how well I'd do if I let the cops sit in our car for ten minutes? Surely they'd let me off or at the very least give me a police escort home so this nightmare could end._**

 ** _By the time we get home five out of six of us are crying. Ten minutes out from home HRH smiles at her sister, hurrah, all is forgiven, GB loves her and then she shits and promptly passes out from the effort._**

 ** _Ten fucking minutes, Polly is furiously typing out a sternly worded letter to the makers of the acid drops, she thinks it should come with a label stating it is lethal to breastfeeding babies and anyone who has to spend the next 24 hours with them. Not sure she can send her first draft because we'd probably get deported._**

 ** _GB is alternating between crying and whinging that the wind is messing up her hair. What is it with her hair lately? We have all the windows down because of the aforementioned shit, TT wakes up and is still whinging, this time about that fact that GB's whinging is annoying, we can't argue with that, it is annoying and LZ just turns up the volume on her IPad and covers her head with a blanket, but not before whinging that she can't hear properly because of the whinging and the wind and most probably the wailing from the front seat from the adults. It is UGLY._**

 ** _We fall into bed, not touching each other. Look at the mess touching each other got us in to?_**

 ** _Road trips. Why would ya?_**

They'd had two weeks alone with the kids and it took a bit of getting used too. By the weekend though they had to get them out of the house. They'd had a fairly busy few weeks with her parents around and it came to a grinding halt when they left and nobody coped well. Going back to school had tired them out and everyone just needed a change of scenery.

Before their time ran out they managed a bit of time alone before Adam and Kim left and they were outnumbered 2 to 1. Iris was getting better at sleeping at night, she still had rough nights but generally she slept from about midnight until four or five. She then fed like a demon, slept again for an hour. They coped better with this than the two to three hour thing she got into the habit of early.

"Sam…"

Polly found him in his office reading emails and she wasn't surprised to find he had Iris on his lap. Her parents had taken the kids out for the day, it was their last chance to spoil them and the house was quiet. He was talking to her sweetly, reading the emails to her and asking her opinion. She was used to finding one or more of them in with their Dad. Lola loved it and was always up in his business whereas Mae and Alfie just preferred to play with their own things in the same space as Dad.

"Hmmm" he kept reading the last of the email before looking up. "What's up?"

"How's Iris?"

He snuggled into the top of her head. "Learning about nutritional content of giraffe milk."

"She looks fascinated." She had that glazed over look on her face that she got just before she fell asleep.

"She prefers your milk or so she told me."

"Good to know. Is she ready for bed?" Polly came in and lifted her out of her Dad's arms. "I'm going to put her in her room." She leant down and kissed Sam's cheek. "You wanna come?"

"Like? What do you mean? Really, like you want me to come?"

Polly laughed. He sounded nervous and excited. "I miss you too Baby." He was up out of his seat and dragging them upstairs. He didn't need to be asked twice, god he missed her. It had been five of the longest weeks of his life. They never quite made it to the six-week mark but it was always Polly who let him know when she was ready. He would remind her that he was just waiting for her go-ahead but he never pressured her.

"I don't feel sexy at all."

"I know but I have to tell you I think you look like a goddess."

Sam was waiting for her in the bedroom while Polly settled Iris, who was basically already asleep before she put her into bed. "Tell me what to do to make you feel incredible?"

"Make me forget."

"Forget what?"

"This." She touched her belly, which was taking its time to go away. Why wouldn't it? She'd given birth to four children nothing was ever going to be the same again.

"All I see is you. My beautiful wife; my sweet loving gorgeous Polly." Sam was running his hands over her arms and along her collarbone. "Love of my life, the reason I keep breathing every day. I've loved you for so long, I can't imagine not loving you. You are more beautiful now than the day I met you, than the day I saw you again."

He turned her to putty, and he did it, he made her forget as he took his time, he made her feel loved and adored. He was honestly just happy to kiss his wife and not just the usual loving little moments they shared everyday, he lost himself in her and bought Polly along with him.

They had talked about contraception recently and Sam was more than happy to crack open the box of condoms. No way were they taking even the slightest risk that one of his little fuckers could go rogue again. The next day he bought a box home and Polly just laughed at him. "Whoa back the truck up sunshine. We were just talking."

"I told you on our first date that I like to be prepared."

Polly remembered that day, she was so nervous and she had no idea what to talk to him about. He was so relaxed though that she soon forgot all about her nervousness and enjoyed herself. Sam had admitted that he was nervous too, many months later because he really liked her and didn't want to fuck it up. "You didn't have condoms on you that day?"

"Polly baby, I was a teenage boy of course I had one in my wallet."

"My Dad would have killed you if he'd known."

"I know." He winked and threw the condoms in the drawer beside his bed. "Preparation Baby."

They were both glad that Sam was prepared, but he knew Polly. When she was ready she wouldn't hold back. Even though she was tired and Iris was a bit more of a struggle at some point Polly felt she had to reclaim herself as a woman and a wife and not just a mother; it may have been only for a few minutes, or an hour but she needed to do it for herself. "You never cease to amaze me." Sam stretched out on his back and pulled Polly on top of him. "You feel good now?"

"I do." He ran his hand up and down her spine and felt her shiver.

"You want more?"

"No." Not that they'd get the chance to do anything anyway. Iris made sure of that. Sam offered to go get his girl while Polly went to the bathroom and got dressed and made the bed.

"Ah, baby girl. Good timing." He cooed as he picked her up. She was watching him intently trying to decide whether she was happy or sad or just plain hungry. "I know, you want your Mom and I don't blame you." Laying her down on the change table he whipped off her wet nappy and got her re-dressed quickly. After four kids he was an expert at this now. "I'll tell you a secret I just got some love from your Mom and it was pretty bloody good Bubba."

By the time the tribe got home Sam was back downstairs in his office with Iris on his lap like nothing had happened. "Did you miss us Dad?" Mae was leaning on his desk telling him about their outing to the Aquarium. They had been a hundred times but they loved it.

"A little bit, but I had a nice time with Mom."

"Did she make you happy?"

"Oh Monkey, you've got no idea."


	69. PSA

**_This one is not funny, not in the slightest._**

 ** _We've had a rough week, a really, really rough week. Actually the past three weeks have been a bit of a nightmare._**

 ** _We've been lucky, our kids have not been particularly sick. LZ broke her arm and had an appendectomy, GB had jaundice when she was born and TT is a tough little termite and touch wood has been a breeze. They get colds, gastro and can be completely miserable but it does make you love them even more, we hate that they get sick but when they are sick they are so cuddly and loving (except GB, a simple runny nose is like terminal man flu, she is a nightmare, a miserable, horrible, whiny dying swan) although it's kinda sweet that you are all they want. It reminds you how important you are to them; sometimes it's hard to tell._**

 ** _We thank our lucky stars everyday for our healthy little crackheads._**

 ** _Even this past week looking back now we are in the clear we are still grateful that we have healthy children, so many people don't get to say that. Seeing the rough end of the stick that many parents get we know we are lucky._**

 ** _Saying that we had a tough couple of weeks and one really rough one._**

 ** _We love that our kids have friends over for play dates and we love it when they have play dates. They go to parties and have made a lot of friends, who has made this adventure worthwhile and we hope that when it is over they will have great memories and friends that they can carry through life._**

 ** _What we don't love is if your child is sick you bring them along because you don't want them to miss out, for fuck sake keep it at home. And more importantly if you choose not to vaccinate your child, keep the fuck away from mine._**

 ** _Polly has just spent four days in hospital with HRH._**

 ** _LZ had a birthday party and one of her school friends came along after not being at school for a week, this we didn't know nor did we know that the reason he wasn't at school was because he had measles. So not only did someone bring their unvaccinated unwell child to a birthday party, that child's sister also came along was encouraged by her mother to come see the little baby. Now we try and keep people touching HRH to a minimum but we are not dicks about it. If only we had known what the outcome was going to be Polly would have been a dick, and we might just be dicks from now on. Then the mother tells us, as the child starts coughing in HRH's face that she was running a fever._**

 ** _WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK._**

 ** _Polly was furious and devastated. Being told, flippantly that she was breastfeeding so she should be right didn't help. She's twelve fucking weeks old, twelve weeks!_**

 ** _We had taken her to an afterhours GP and been advised to keep an eye on her, there was little that we could do but wait and see because she is too young to have an after exposure immunoglobulin injection. Not what you want to hear I can tell you. Polly needed to keep Breast feeding and the only hope we had was that her antibodies would prevent HRH from getting sick or it would lessen the impact as long as Polly's immunity was good, it wasn't and we had no idea._**

 ** _Well she wasn't right, she was desperately sick. She spiked a fever and within hours she was so sick that she was no longer feeding, she was dehydrated and couldn't be roused. It all happened quickly and we were watching her like a hawk. We hauled our three kids out of bed at midnight to take HRH to hospital._**

 ** _I was absolutely fucking terrified and I was fucking ropable._**

 ** _It was terrifying seeing our tiny vulnerable daughter; too weak to even cry lie limply in her mother's arms while they inserted an IV. Our kids were distraught seeing their little sister so unwell, their mother was beside herself and our heads were spinning. Our three-month-old daughter had measles, a potentially fatal illness with any one of a hundred complications possible. This is a preventable illness. Preventable with a simple, safe vaccination…and it's fucking free._**

 ** _Polly is an incredible and passionate mother, she didn't sleep for days, I had to drag her away just to get her to take a break and get some fresh air, I had to beg her to eat, she needed to eat to stay well enough to look after HRH and she pumped milk for her, every four hours, day and night so that they could feed her via a NG tube when she was too weak to suck._**

 ** _We have been lucky while we have been here to have made some wonderful friends who fell over themselves to help out with the kids while I shuffled between them, work and Polly. Meals turned up everyday, people offered to clean our house, take our kids home after school, they visited Polly and took her food to eat. They were amazing. I am so grateful for all of you._**

 ** _I tried to give her a break so she could go home and see the kids, have a shower to make herself feel a little more human and as I sat in that hospital with my sick little baby on my chest I stewed over the many various ways I could politely tell this story._**

 ** _There is not polite way._**

 ** _Vaccinations are here for a reason, they protect your child and my child from diseases. Diseases that generations ago killed children in the thousands; still do in developing countries. We are in Australia; one of the reasons we agreed to take this job in Australia was because we didn't want to risk taking our children to a country that still had a lot of these diseases. When we made this decision it was based on our three current children, we didn't expect to have another child and we were grateful to be in this incredible country when we did have our unexpected baby. They have been fantastic and our medical care has been second to none._**

 ** _My baby isn't old enough to have the Measles vaccination so I rely on you to provide herd immunity to protect those too young to be immunised. I vaccinated my three children, yes it's distressing watching them cry for the few moments it takes to give them their needles but I can tell you it's far more distressing seeing your tiny vulnerable new baby fighting for their life, it had hit her hard. We did everything we could to protect our children, and by vaccinating them providing that herd immunity you decide is good enough for your child. You know what, it's not good enough._**

 ** _She's breastfed, exclusively and we hope that it helped her fight off this virus eventually but she should never have got in the first place. We are grateful for that, that she had the best possible chance of fighting it off because of her mother and I am proud of Polly and her determination to feed our four children. By the time this is over Polly will have given four years of her life to breastfeeding our children, she's an amazing woman and I am in awe of her. This woman blows me away, every single day._**

 ** _There were times I wondered if the exhaustion and pain and stress she endured was worth it. When you realise that perhaps that liquid gold that all my children got protected them I know it was worth every single drop their amazing mother made for them. Every single mother strives to do the best for their children, Polly chose to do this and she struggled some days, weeks and months but she did it._**

 ** _Please do not take this as me having a go at any mother who makes a different choice because that is not what I meant. This is the path we chose for our children and it was the best choice we could make for us. It wasn't easy; it's been a long hard road and relentless. It's no secret that Iris has been a challenge for us, she is not a good sleeper or feeder and we have seriously considered looking at other options to feed her but Polly decided to last until six months at least. I worry about her everyday when I see how tired she is but I support her every single step of the way. I will do whatever it takes to help my wife be the best mother she can be. I hope she knows how incredible I think she is, I tell her all the time._**

 ** _If you make the decision to not vaccinate your child based on scare mongering using evidence that has been disproven and discredited for decades go right ahead but keep your children away from mine. I don't want my child to die from chicken pox, whooping cough, rubella, mumps, polio or fucking measles._**

 ** _My baby was 3 months old and she contracted measles because of you. I blame you and I don't give a fuck if you are upset, feel victimised or perhaps you just don't give a fuck, but I do, I do give a fuck._**

 ** _Yes I'm angry. I am sitting in a hospital room with my three-month-old baby lying on my chest, with her IV and NG tube while her mother who hasn't slept for two days is at home getting a few hours rest and spending some time with our other children who are distraught. They love their sister and are not coping well with her being sick, or with their mother not being around or our sporadic almost nomadic life of the last few days. She'll be back soon to try and feed our daughter, hopefully she will want to nurse and then she will curl up on the recliner beside her cot and watch her sleep so forgive me for not giving a flying fuck about your feelings._**

 ** _My beautiful 11 year old is devastated. She blames herself and doesn't want to go to parties anymore. She doesn't want her sister to die. Yep, she sat on my lap last night and sobbed her heart out because she is scared her little baby sister is going to die. Thank you very fucking much. She thinks she is to blame that her sister is sick and it's hard to get her to understand that it's not her fault, not in the slightest. We love that she is so concerned about HRH and she is also beside herself trying to do things for her Mom to help out but she shouldn't feel like this._**

 ** _I am back to sleeping with a six year old because she is frightened and her little heart can't take it. "My heart hurts Daddy." Well fuck, if that doesn't kick you in the guts and I want to fix her 'hurt' heart so she sleeps beside me to comfort herself._**

 ** _TT is a bit erratic, he's not coping at all; he just wants his mom and he's in bed with me most mornings, along with GB. He adores his sister, she even has his favourite train in hospital with her and when we take him in to see HRH he stands beside her cot, holds her hand and sings to her and he sobs every time I take him home._**

 ** _I am trying to hold them all together, I want to hold my wife and tell her it's going to be okay but I have no fucking idea if it is going to be okay. So I just tell her I love her as often as I can and hope it's enough._**

 ** _Yes I am angry._**

 ** _Update: HRH is now home, she has lost a little weight but she is feeding again, her fever has gone and her rash was fortunately mild and she is very cuddly and we are happy to give her whatever cuddles she wants. We are happy that it is all over, grateful for her strong will and immune system that limited the impact of this unnecessary disease. Our heartfelt thanks to our friends who helped us over the past week, we are eternally grateful. Being away from our families has always been a struggle for us, particularly at times like this so having you step up for us was amazing. We can't thank you enough._**

 ** _To the incredible and amazing medical and nursing staff at the Royal Children's Hospital, we are forever grateful for your care, your dedication to your craft, your compassion, support and expertise. Everyone one of you are superwomen and supermen. You are our family's superheroes._**

 ** _LZ, GB and TT are giving HRH lots of love and cuddles. They are happy that their Mom is home and she is happy to be with them again._**

 ** _Polly, Baby, fucking hell, I love you._**

By the time Polly got home from the party she was close to tears. Sam had stayed home with Mae and Alfie but Polly took Iris with her so she could feed her. Sam was also hoping to take the kids to the beach so it was better if he didn't have Iris. Now she was regretting it. Sam was going to be angry and she hated seeing him angry. She held it together for as long as possible and then it all came pouring out. Lola was beside herself and kept apologising to her Mom. It wasn't Lola's fault but Polly had hauled her out of the party before she had the chance to say goodbye.

The poor mother of Elise, the birthday girl was mortified. "God Polly, I had no idea. I wouldn't have let them come if I had known. Nobody knew they were against vaccinations. Please take Iris home, I don't want her exposed."

"It's too late." Polly sobbed. "She coughed in her face. She touched Iris."

"I'm so sorry." Elise's mother kept repeating and Polly couldn't even bring herself to tell her it was okay. "I'm so sorry."

Lola had no idea what was going on but she knew her Mom was upset and that made her fret.

"So good party then?" Sam opened the back door and got Iris out. She was wide-awake and smiled at her Dad. "Did you miss out of a goodie bag?"

"Not now Sam." She snapped and took off inside.

"Lola? What's wrong with Mom?"

"I don't know Daddy, she just got angry and then was crying and we had to come home." He hugged Lola and told her to go inside and join Mae and Alfie who were watching a movie.

Polly came out of the bathroom as Sam leant on the doorframe with Iris and watched her ripping off her clothes and jumping in the shower. "Can you get Iris undressed, she needs a shower. I need you to take all our clothes and wash them, no fucking burn them." He was seriously confused and refused to give her Iris until she turned the hot water down. He could tell the water was scalding hot by the amount of steam it was creating.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" Polly handed Iris back to him so he could dry her off and get her dressed again. Pulling her robe tight around her body it finally came pouring out of her.

"Sam, some fucking mother bought her sick children to the party, they had fucking measles and she let the girl cough all over Iris. I didn't know she was sick until after she had touched Iris."

"What do you mean? How do they not know their kids have measles?" It wasn't really sinking in.

"Oh they fucking knew. The older kid has been sick all week, he hasn't been at school but really wanted to come to the party so she bought him and his little sister apparently was running a fever and more than likely has it. They are anti fucking vaxxers."

And then it hit him and he was angry and Polly hated that. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Iris isn't immunised. She's too little." Polly sobbed. "Then she kind of laughs and says 'oh sorry about that, at least she's breast fed so she should be right. My kids were breastfed but they never get sick.' Should be right? She's a little baby."

"Who the hell is she? I fucking tell her what to do with her fucking hippy bullshit."

"Sam I don't know what to do? She's too little, she can't get measles." Polly sat down heavily on the bed; she couldn't stand any more and buried her face in her hands. This was a nightmare.

"Okay." Sam was trying to breathe and gather his thoughts. His first thought was he wanted to get in the car and drive back to the party and lose his shit all over the place. He was at least pacified a little when Polly told him the mother of Elise was devastated and had no idea and told the other woman to leave immediately. "How about we take her to the GP and see what they say? Did the kid have a rash, maybe it needs to have a rash to be infectious?" Polly shook her head. "Okay, let's not panic just yet."

"Not panic?"

"Hey." Sam sat down beside her and Polly took Iris from him and hugged her to her chest while he rubbed Polly's back, she was spinning out and he was desperately trying to stop himself from doing the same while supporting his distraught wife. He was angry and she was devastated. She'd got past the angry, temporarily at least. "I'm just tyring to get my head around this. I think we should get her checked out for our peace of mind."

"I don't want the girls to know, they will get upset and worry." Polly shook her head. "Alfie will be beside himself. He adores her, he hates it when she cries."

"Okay, then why don't you take her and I'll stay here and I'll call Hudson." His brother-in-law would help him get some perspective on the situation. He always calmed him down when he was worried about his kids. Having a Paediatrician in the family had come in handy on more than one occasion.

Iris started clawing at Polly's chest so she asked Sam to give her a few minutes to feed her and settle her into bed before she came back downstairs. Sam could tell she was upset and he had to love how hard she tried to engage with the kids. She apologised to Lola for leaving the party so quickly while Mae and Alfie were happily telling her about the trip to the beach but Sam could see she was miles away. He spent the afternoon touching Polly constantly. Little reassuring touches just to try and ground her, they had a very physically relationship, they were always touching or resting on each other, they kissed and cuddled a lot and showed the kids the importance of being close, the comfort you could draw from someone you love and that strength. A little touch could let you know you are not alone.

When Iris woke Sam took Iris to the Doctor's, Polly just melted down at the thought of it. She told Sam all the details and the moment he left she regretted letting him go alone. They just didn't want the kids to know.

The fact she was healthy and exclusively breastfed was a positive and Sam did insist to the Doctor that she had only ever had breast milk or water. It would help that Polly was in good health too. It was her best chance of avoiding the virus altogether or having a milder case. She was too young to have a prophylaxis vaccination. He didn't want to risk giving it to her because of her age and there was very little chance of it working. Basically it was a wait and see and they had up to three weeks of stress to navigate.

He wrote out a few things to look for, what they could do for Iris if she did start to spike a fever and when to seek medical attention. As the Doctor was telling him all this Sam held her tighter to his chest. This was a nightmare.

The news when he got home wasn't pleasant. If the child had coughed in her face and was well into the incubation period, and having a fever indicated that she was then it was highly likely that Iris had been exposed to the virus and now it was a waiting game. He hated devastating his wife; he felt like her was betraying her. It wasn't rational but he never wanted to say something that would hurt her so desperately and he just did. Not that it was his fault but it didn't make him feel any better. He broke her heart. They talked to Hudson later that night once the kids were in bed and the news wasn't any better, it was more likely she was going to get measles than not, but there was still a chance and they chose to hang onto that small silver of hope.

There was also a very minute risk that Lola, Mae and Alfie would get it because they were vaccinated so it was highly unlikely they would get sick and more importantly they did not need to be kept away from their sister. They were grateful for that at least.

Iris was growing like a weed and they wanted her to slow down a little because she wasn't quite their little baby anymore. She was laughing and smiling constantly, she would babble away and her face would light up when she heard her siblings. They loved lying on the floor with her and keeping her amused, they were trying to teach her to roll over even though she was still too little. Suddenly Sam looked at her and she seemed so small and precious and helpless and he had to swallow hard at his rising emotions. The doctor was lovely and told Sam to bring Iris back at any time they were worried.

Sam was right, it didn't make Polly feel any better but god love her for holding it together until all four of them were asleep and she crawled up between Sam's legs on the couch, waited until he wrapped his arms around her and sobbed her heart out. He was angry; angry with this person who put his baby in this position, angry with them for breaking his wife's heart and worried about what was going to happen and how they were going to handle the wait.

When Sam took the kids to school on Monday he was ready to say his piece but the object of his rage wasn't there, and as they found out later that day, she had to keep her kids at home because they were unvaccinated and it was a breach of school policy. That didn't make Sam any happier, so she wasn't allowed to come to school but she could happily take them to a birthday party. His blood boiled.

Polly wanted to keep Iris at home and she knew Sam was going to lose his shit given half the chance but keeping Iris away was the best thing to do. She warned him to play nice but that was like telling the sun not to come up in the morning. Sam was a calm guy, he was level headed, his job required him to keep his cool but when it involved his kids or his wife Sam could get very determined and he wasn't scared to say his piece or fight for them.

Elise's mother made a beeline for him. "How's Iris? How's Polly?"

"She's keeping her at home for now." Polly had begged him not to take it out on Mel; it wasn't her fault. Mel offered to pick the kids up from school and take them home if Polly didn't want to come out. Sam was finishing early today so he could do it but he thanked her and reassured her that they weren't angry with her and they actually felt sorry for her. "I hope it didn't ruin Elise's birthday?"

"It's okay. She didn't notice. I just really hope Iris is okay? Please let me know if there is anything we can do? Seriously, I feel awful."

"Please don't worry. We haven't told the kids either, they worry too much about Iris and until we know what's going to happen there is no reason to upset them."

They watched her like a hawk and Polly did take her back to the doctor at the beginning of the second week and she was still showing no signs or symptoms so they were starting to breathe a little easier.

"Sam…" Polly came bolting down the stairs with Iris in her arms. "Does she feel hot to you?"

He rested a hand on her forehead and she did feel a little warm. They grabbed a thermometer and she had a slight temp so they bathed her and gave her some panadol. Within hours though she was raging with fever and refused to feed. Sam had feed her so they knew how much she was taking and she barely drank anything. Polly was starting to panic and when they tried to wake her for a feed she was hard to wake. Sam called the Medical Helpline and they were told to take her straight to hospital.

They had no choice but to wake the kids up and take them with them. Polly couldn't drive, she was too distressed and they didn't want to send her off in an ambulance. Sam wasn't letting her and Polly go alone and there was no way Polly would stay home. He had Alfie clinging to his neck and Mae trying to crawl up his leg while they waited in the Emergency Department.

Iris was admitted straight away, she was lethargic and dehydrated. Even though it had only been a few hours since she started showing signs of being unwell small infants always went downhill quickly. The nurses organised two recliners in their room initially so they could get the kids to sleep. Lola and Mae cuddled up together and Alfie spread himself out on the other.

Sam finally got them home and into bed at 3am. He left Polly perched on a chair beside Iris's cot, stroking her foot while she watched for any sign that she was responding to her or the medication and he knew she wasn't going to sleep a wink.

"How is she?" He called he as soon as his eyes opened. He had Mae in bed with him from the time he got home, she had refused to get into her own bed and Alfie was crawling in before the sun came up.

"Not much better. I've tried to feed her but she's barely awake so they have me expressing and put down a NG tube. Her fever is still a little up and down. I am waiting for the Paediatrician to come in."

"Do you want me to come in?"

"What about the kids? They can't go to school they'll be wrecked." Sam had already decided to call their babysitter. They had used the same Uni student for a few years now and the kids loved Jacy and were usually happy to stay with her. It had been a little ugly when Sam left that morning though, they certainly didn't want him to go and wanted to see Iris.

When he arrived Iris was asleep on Polly's chest and he could tell by one look at Polly that she hadn't slept. He bent down and kissed her softly and then gently lifted Iris off her chest and cuddled his daughter. "Hey my precious. Daddy needs you to get better."

"How are they?" Polly tried to force down the breakfast Sam had bought in for her, along with a change of clothes and her own breast pump. He did contemplate lying but Polly would be onto him.

"Well I had Mae in bed with me and Alfie came in about five. Lola is taking control as only she does."

"Is Mae upset?"

"Yes, so is Lola. She thinks this is her fault."

"It's not Lola's fault."

"I know, I've told her that but she's stressed out. They lost it when I left this morning. I promised to call them as soon as I've seen Iris." He took a photo of Iris asleep on his chest and sent it to the babysitter, telling them that Iris was having lots of love and cuddles and she was doing okay. She wasn't but they didn't need to know that just yet.

They were devastated when the Doctor came in and confirmed that she did indeed have measles, however they felt it was a mild case. More appalling was the potential complications they were faced with, eye damage among them and it broke Polly when the Doctor explained the potential for a fatal brain infection that may take her life years down the track without warning or any hope of a cure. It was a small risk but when your three-month-old daughter is lying in a hospital bed with a disease that is preventable it didn't matter what the risk was. It was heartbreaking.

If Sam had stayed relatively calm up until now when he took the kids to school the next day it finally boiled over. At least the mother had the guts to approach him. "I'm sorry about the birthday party. I hope your little baby is okay?"

"No she's not fucking okay, she's in hospital. Thanks to you."

"Oh..is she going to be okay? I didn't think measles was that serious, I thought my kids had a mild dose."

"Not that serious. She's 12 weeks old, she's not immunised against measles. There is a reason why they make these vaccinations, so that babies and children don't die from preventable diseases. I guess your kids are fine, they spent the week at home eating fucking grass or whatever you hippies feed them and spreading their germs around like handing out candy. Meanwhile my wife is sitting in hospital watching our three-month-old baby struggling to even feed. She won't nurse, she's dehydrated, she's lethargic, she's got a raging fever and she's too fucking weak to even cry. My kids are worried about their sister and we are just hoping and praying that she doesn't get one of the many complications like pneumonia, blood poisoning, septicaemia or end up with brain damage."

"Mine only had mild cases, perhaps Iris will be lucky."

Sam could hardly believe that was coming out of her mouth. "Lucky?" she spat at her bitterly. "Oh and the kicker…did you know that at some point in the future she could just get a fatal brain infection." He clicked his fingers in her face. "Just like that. And I can tell you if she does I'll have my lawyer sue your fucking ass. If my baby dies, it's your fault."

"I'm sorry your baby is in the hospital."

"Actually you don't care. If you did care you never would have bought your sick kids to a birthday party when they were not allowed at school because of their illness that you failed to prevent. How do you think Elise's mother feels? It's not her fault but she keeps apologising. It's your fault and you didn't even care. I really don't care if you don't want to protect your children but at the very least if you are going to make such a backwards decision based on basically zero evidence the least you could do is keep your kids away from vulnerable children. You never should have bought your kids to that party and you know it, nor should you have let your child anywhere near my baby, you actually encouraged your child to come and look at her when you knew she was sick. So take your fucking sorry and shove it where the sun don't shine." He turned on his heel and left. He didn't have the energy or the inclination to hang around any longer. They had drawn a crowd and he did get a call from the principal to see him when he came to pick the kids up that afternoon.

He apologised for making a scene but he refused to back down and apologise to the mother in question. They had just spent a second day waiting for Iris to improve and it was taking longer than the Doctors hoped so apologising to the one person he blamed for all this was not going to happen. He did agree to keep his distance from her though, that was the best he could do and over the next few days he arranged for one of their friends to pick the kids up after school.

Alfie burst into tears when he saw Sam waiting for them after school towards the end of the week. He was really struggling to deal with it and he was all over the shop. He had been wild at school and the teachers had talked to Sam about it but realised that things were happening at home that had unsettled him. Hopefully now that Iris was home he would settle down. Lola and Mae were apparently very withdrawn and quiet in class, which also worried them immensely but there was not a lot they could do about it. They reassured them, hugged them and comforted them the best they could. "Come on Buddy, let's go home. Mommy and Iris are waiting to see you."

"Iris is better?"

"She is, she's at home waiting for some cuddles, as is Mommy." He crouched down in front of his distraught son and hugged him tightly. It had been hard on Alfie because he was just besotted with Iris and he found it hard to control his emotions.

Mae struggled because she was definitely their sensitive child; things knocked her about but she knew what she needed and sought comfort from her Dad. Lola was still blaming herself. Sam was exhausted, not as much as Polly because he did manage to sleep at night but the emotional toll on them had been immense.

"She's not going to die?"

"No Alfie." He picked him up and Mel did panic a little when she saw Alfie so upset. She had helped out the past few days and still felt guilty and had gone above and beyond to make it up to them. Nothing Sam or Polly could say made her feel any better.

"Is Iris okay?"

"She is, she's home with Polly." Sam reassured her. "She's doing well."

"Daddy I want to go home and see Bug." Alfie still called her Bug. Her nickname had stuck.

They closed to door to the world for a while. They also decided that they couldn't live with worrying about what might happen years down the track, they just had to live now but it was always going to be a little black mark on their heart. They would always worry when Iris got sick.

"Sam…" Polly found her way into her usual spot, where she felt the safest, stretched out on top of her husband and his arms held her tightly, if she could have crawled inside him she would have. "…I love you."

"I feel better now." Sam kissed the top of her head. If Polly wanted to crawl inside him, he felt calmer now that he had them all at home. He felt like everything had stopped spinning out of control. He didn't like not feeling in control, he hated not being able to fix anything. Iris, he couldn't do a damn thing for her except love her. When he told Polly that she reminded him that his love was an amazing thing and it helped her get through each day, she wouldn't have made it without him and his unwavering love and support.

"Me too."


	70. Home

**_One thing HRH's health scare does is make us realise how much we miss our family and together we decide it is time to go home._**

 ** _It wasn't an easy decision to make. We had an incredible offer to contemplate about moving to the other side of the country to set up an Open Plain Zoo from scratch. It was my dream job but while it would have been another amazing experience for me, right now we decide it is better to be closer to our families. Polly has put her life on hold for me, she's followed me across the world, she's struggled to raise our four kids on her own and for someone who has an insanely close relationship with her family I am forever grateful that she embraced this challenge but it's time for me to do this for her. It's time to take her home._**

 ** _Sounds easy enough right? Yeah sure, try packing up a house and moving four children back to the other side of the world. Now the 11 year old is helpful…ish, the 7 year old is unhelpful but she has written numerous lists, the 5 year old, fucking useless and the five month old…oblivious._**

 ** _Polly's mother and my sister are booked on the first available flight out when we tell them, they are making sure we get on that bloody plane come hell or high water. They pack up our house with unforseen ferocity; I think they actually packed one of the kids in their frenzy. Lucky we found them before the oxygen ran out._**

 ** _Just to make sure we actually come home they steal three of our children and take them back to the US without us. I have a few things to tie up so they kindly offer to take LZ, GB & TT home and leave us with HRH for two weeks. They would have taken her too given half the chance but she can't go anywhere without her food packages and seeing as they are attached to my wife she has to stay. I have the feeling that if I let Polly and HRH go home without me they won't give two shits if I follow them or not, the extended family that is. I'd like to think my wife and kids would care, although some days I have my doubts._**

 ** _Especially after the recent debut of the hormonal pre-teen monster. It didn't end well for me; I didn't cope well. She asked for a phone, I said No, she flew off the handle, ranted about getting kidnapped and that I didn't care then stormed upstairs and didn't speak to me for three days. Rather than let her go I tried to rationalise with her, talk to her and the worst of all look at her. Polly tried to get me to back off but I knew better, this wasn't happening in my house and it was way too early, she is still my baby girl she can't grow up yet. It was an ugly few days and then suddenly my sweet little girl re-emerged and was left confused and slightly terrified._**

 ** _Explaining to LZ that she over-reacted was a bad move. I don't get this girl thing; apparently I need to figure it out 'pretty fucking quickly' according to my wife as I have three of them and years of misery ahead of me if I don't._**

 ** _We do miss them, it's awfully quiet when you don't have to deal with their crazy everyday and it is nice to spend some time alone, or as alone as you can be with HRH but we feel like half of us is missing and talking to them each day is torture for Polly. They are loving life though and we are concerned about how long it will take us to realign their behaviour when we get home._**

 ** _I don't think there is a lot of Vitamin No in Chicago right now and being the manipulative little Crack heads they are they are making hay while the sun shines. LZ is still on her mission to get a phone; she's got her grandparents on side and is trying a new angle. Now she wants to stay in contact with us back in Australia. Nice try Chicken, we'll be back soon and you can have as much contact with us as you like._**

 ** _It feels like we are on our own again and it's been a long time since we got this time to just be us. A bit of a reward for all our hard work, it is hard, raising kids is hard, it's relentless and uncompromising and maintaining a strong healthy marriage is hard when the wheels never stop spinning. We remind ourselves constantly that we had six months alone together before our life was upturned by a surprise pregnancy. That was eleven years ago and I love this woman more today than I did back then and I never thought that was possible._**

 ** _I still want to spend time with her, everyday. So these two weeks with just us (and our little Queen) is a little bit of heaven._**

 ** _It is also nice to give HRH our undivided attention for a while; she's always just been part of the circus._**

 ** _But she misses them too. Perhaps it's a little too quiet for her._**

 ** _Strangely, we can't wait to get our whole circus back in the same tent again. They miss us, or so they say and they definitely miss HRH. She's starting to drag herself around now and she spends her time looking for her siblings. Everyday when Polly calls them they want to talk to HRH who just squeals at the screen. It's not a particularly attractive trait she has at the moment but she is just so excited to see them and hear them calling her name. She has gone from having all this attention and someone in her face half the day to just her parents to keep her entertained._**

 ** _So, we are home again. Back with the people we love the most. You don't realise how big a part of your lives they are until they aren't there, having them crawl all over you is the best feeling in the world. To see their faces light up when they see you for the first time, to get that hug, to feel their love, there is no feeling in the world better than that. You are it for them; you are their whole life. Being away from them is a good reminder of that._**

 ** _We are woken way earlier than we'd like our first morning home with all four in the bed and I can tell you its heaven on earth to be with them all again._**

 ** _We miss our other home, it was an awesome few years and we loved every minute of it. I mean we loved it so much we came home with our own little Aussie._**

 ** _We will take HRH back often, just to show her how amazing her country is._**

 ** _Even TT is a constant reminder of our time in Australia with his awesome little accent. He learnt to talk there so we love listening to him and we hope he keeps some of it at least. We want them to remember those years because they were great._**

 ** _Also we come home with the most amazing painting. Our friends organised it for us through one of the artists that regularly does work at the Zoo. The kids love it, probably because it is about them. Hanging it up over the fireplace they get excited and tell anyone who comes that the painting of the Leopard, Rhino, Giraffe and Wombat is all about them. It's stunning and when they gave it to us we have to admit we both shed a tear._**

 ** _To my incredible wife, thank you for letting me live my dream for so long. I couldn't do this thing without you. Your love, support, laughter, kisses, hugs, tears, determination, resilience, passion and dedication is unbelievable and I am forever grateful that you let me wake up beside you everyday. You keep me on my toes, you keep it real, you drive me to succeed, you pick me up when I fall, you make me want to be a better man, a better father and a better husband than I was yesterday. I think we've proved that as long as we are together we can do anything. Thank you for those four incredible lives we made together, thank you for our life together._**

 ** _And to my amazing little humans, you inspire me everyday. I love being in your life, I love watching you learn and grow and be you. I can't wait to see what all your tomorrows bring for you. I hope you love the life we are trying to make for you because we love everything about you. Every single little thing._**

 ** _So this is the end of this road, we are on another path now but we are still on it together and that's all that matters. Thanks for coming along for the ride, we loved it and I hope, at least at some point you laughed as uncomfortably as we did._**

 ** _Thanks for coming to our circus tent._**

 ** _Much love_**

 ** _Sam, Polly, Charlotte, Mabel, Alfred and Iris._**

 _Well that's all folks. Done and dusted. It was a bit of fun to write, hope you enjoyed it._


End file.
